the-undergraduate

• Laterz

  Posted: August 13, 2009, 12:25 pm

  I cant do this no more....
  Atleast not for a couple of days
  I think i just went arse over tip and blood is slowly rushing to my head
  Where's that quiet room when i need it?
  
  Too much on my mind,see ya when am back to thinking straight
  Maybe i'll take up doodling or something of the sort :)
  Seriously,it might help in defining this seemingly unrelated chaos
  It's nothing too serious though ;-)
  
  
  Ps. seeing a consultant *i promise,it wasnt a shrink :D* yesterday made me realize that maybe am too comfortable with my current lifestyle,
  I hate being restricted to certain rules and environment
  I could be a bit too ingrained into my undergrad path
  And my liking or rather love for this country is a bit too excessive to want to leave anytime soon
  And oh....i'll probably quit my very first real job with the 'you dont own me,i dont need this' line only to realize ''ooops!i might need that recomendation letter!!ooops *whispering* maybe i needed it after all''.
  
  So where does this leave me....
  
  I hope i'll remember this day when i get employed and learn to hold my tongue even if all i'll be doing is photocopying papers and acting as the unofficial tea lady like most fresh graduates :p
  Shouldnt there be a rule against hiring people on a 3 month training and assessment contract only to fire them and recruit others when all theyve been doing is running the copy machine and brewing tea?!
  What's the basis of assessment in such cases and where's the experience they gain in their area of expertise?
  
  
  
  Y'all remember not to tempt fate,
  Do not keep tilting your world cos you might end up tipping it over the edge
  You dont want it turned upside down
  You dont want it spinning out of control
  
  
  And as a 2nd p.s. to the main
  p.s. *quit looking so stunned am not a lit major :D* i think i could be loosing my voice...not even Kenyatta could figure out the cause....
  
  
  cya laterz

• After thought

  Posted: August 12, 2009, 9:55 pm

  Just when i thought my wednesday was boring...a call comes through
  
  Apparently my uncle was rushed to the er after a car accident only to be told that the ambulance had just left to transfer a cousin who was involved in yet another accident to the morgue :(
  
  CK,may you rest in peace

• Wednesday...boredom led to this :D

  Posted: August 12, 2009, 9:02 pm

  For the one i trully love id do just about anything
  Id swim the proverbial ocean,climb the highest mountain
  Through good times and bad times
  In sickness and health
  Id be there by his side
  To quote a line i once read
  Id be ''his eyes if he couldnt see''
  But in this case,id even sit through braille lessons with him just so he wouldnt feel lonely
  Id be his ears if he couldnt hear
  Id be his voice if he couldnt speak
  Id be his right hand if he needed me to
  I wouldnt even mind moving to ''the end'' of the world just to be with him
  
  For the one i trully love
  Id go down on one knee
  For the one i trully love...
  My eyes would be blind to others
  My heart i would give to no other
  My love would only be for one
  Nothing would please me more than seeing him happy
  Nothing could be more beautiful than his smile
  Nothing could rival his eyes
  
  But
  
  From the one i trully love
  I shant ever plead for love
  I shant ever get down on my knees to beg
  From the one i trully love
  I expect to be treated like his queen
  I expect he should value my presence in his life
  I expect to be loved and respected
  
  
  >Alaine!!Did i hear about a +254 concert?!I bet if its more than a rumour most of my guy pals will be crying tears of joy :)

• Of blackouts,a million miles and a journey through eternity

  Posted: August 10, 2009, 12:36 am

  Wololo!!
  Stima onge,maji onge,chakula onge na hata pesa onge?!
  Narudi ocha maisha afadhali!!
  Oh wait a minute,i dont live in the 'city'.Water's plenty and the rationing hasnt yet hit our hood :)
  Unfortunately,famine and lack of funds is country wide and i expect the situation to worsen.without water and electricity certain businesses cannot operate.If this keeps up the number of jobless people is likely to rise so is the price of most commodities.
  We waited this long for drought to hit so we can start constructing dams,boreholes and kicking people out of mau forest.This same lot is responsible for planning for our future and implementing vision 2030...
  Millions of hungry people on the streets,millions of soon to be jobless people if this keeps up,millions of potential future homeless people,millions of people who might find themselves jobless,poor,homeless,hungry and frustrated people with alot of free time to wallow in their misery.Do we really want to get there?!
  
  
  
  Life is good,life is unbelievable
  Is it just me or do people go through phases in their lives where all of a sudden you get to a point where you look back and really wonder whether that was you living through that particular phase?
  Ive gone from putting my life on hold for years waiting for a certain miracle to happen, lived through a rough couple of months where i sort of 'lost my head' when my life became completely distabilized and now am at a point where am actually starting to live rather than merely exist.*Yawn!!* that's what it felt like,i have suddenly awoken from a dream....am back to being me with none of the extra clichè buggage
  
  Discouvering new things everyday
  
  Life presents many twists and turns but as long as you maintain your determination to succeed,sustain the passion that's gotten you this far,you will most like get there someday
  You might not realize it yet but a million miles is just a few steps away if you stay commited to making it happen

• Suprise!!

  Posted: August 9, 2009, 8:35 pm

  Am horrible at planning suprises.Horrible is a light way of stating it.
  Am the kind of person that will listen to you talk about what you like and make a list so i can plan my execution style but should you ask me for said stuff directly i'll turn you down with such a straight face you'll think am actually serious about it.Same thing applies for teasing.If i know you well enough,chances are if you tease me i wont take it to heart and will probably tease you back and play along till you get tired of trying to get to me.Trouble comes in when those involved take me too seriously....hence the reason i decided to stop joking with people :)
  
  Back to suprises....what happened to my last list...hmmm....after laying out all the plans it turns out i might have taken too long and been taken to be serious when i said it wasnt gonna happen that in the end i was left with a bunch of plans with no one to suprise :)
  *sigh* but atleast i tried
  Next time maybe i'll stand a chance at successfully suprising people without pissing them off in the process lol!But until then,if were tight and you ask me for stuff and all of a sudden i become busy and abit secretive,dont take it to heart.Am probably busy trying to figure out how to get/do the stuff and i might be abit hesistant to talk cos i dont want to accidentally spill the details :)
  But of cos if it gets to be abit too much,dont forget to remind me to slow down lol!
  
  
  Never put off stuff you can do today
  Never put off what you know you should say today either
  Tommorrow you might wake up to a whole new reality
  Tommorrow it might not even matter that much
  Tommorrow the last whistle may have already gone off
  For time waits for no one
  And the present today will be tommorrows' yesterday
  Dont wait until you get time barred to act

• Am like a bird

  Posted: August 8, 2009, 8:52 pm

  Am like a bird,i'll only fly away
  I dont know where my soul is
  I dont know where my home is
  
  Nelly Furtado did it for me!Nothing describes my current state like her lyrics.Turns out a little reading,of books and material that doesnt appear on your college reading list,goes a long way in defining perspectives.
  
  Ive been going around this the wrong way.I used to like who i was and i dont see why i should change a thing!That worked for me and the 'yes we can bring change' project belongs in the trash can.It's now all about me and what makes me happy from now on.Fun will be the key element in whatever i do and i dont care much for societal expectations.
  I dont have to conform to any image,i dont have to be like anyone else...but ME....
  Ive always said ive got the rest of my life to do stuff and thats exactly what i plan to do...no need to rush,when it's not a race
  
  Freedom to dream,freedom to do whatever my heart desires
  Freedom to fly like a bird with no more sentimental attachments

• 2nd post today!

  Posted: August 7, 2009, 9:29 pm

  Graduation preparation and rehearsals=mind numbing,sanity depleting madness!!
  
  Gowns dont fit and when you find one that's kidogo decent,it'll be in last century's pile thats so faded it's hard to tell whether it's grey,greenish or a lighter shade of black!The guys in charge dont even bother sorting them out so you end up trying on atleast ten before you can find one you wont accidentally trip over!!And the hats....i'll have to get huge braids so i can pin it on cos it's likely to fly off!!Glass half full.....maybe that's just an annual ritual designed for graduates to interact as you go round asking different people to help you decide between the new gowns that are xxxxxxl and mali ya zamani that's like xxxxl with a few slits and holes you have to cleverly conceal :).I couldnt stop laughing when some dude asked whether theyre all unisex cos he wanted gown ya wanaume with puffed shoulder pads that'll give him the kinda ego boost he needs to perfect his walk to the podium!He even has that 'lean back' walk he's been practising but i bet he'll be so nervous he wont even remember!I bet i'll also have an embarrasing tale afterwards cos sometimes i get clumsy when am nervous or shy :p
  Am looking forward to the drama that'll most likely breakout at the main gate on the graduation morning now that they decided to limit the number of guests to 6 per graduate.I bet most families have more than six members not forgetting the over excited parents who tend to invite the whole village.Personally,6 is too many for me and I just wish days would move slowly cos i am not ready for all the hype!!
  
  
  That aside,today i decided to preach water and drink from the same cup as everyone else.
  Over time I have changed alot,both good and bad!!Am trying my best and i hope to capitalize on the good.Being nice and down to earth is not that easy but i've got the rest of my life to work on that.
  I hope i get the patience to be kind too despite the circumstances;forgiveness triumphs over holding grudges anyday
  
  Hmmm....now about keeping all the promises ive made to people...what if they make it hard for me to follow through?
  A promise is a promise i guess...
  
  Got alot on my mind,especially when i found myself blogging at 2.30am....i dont even know what's up but you've got to forgive my incoherent posts :)
  Blogging is my release therapy

• Random

  Posted: August 7, 2009, 10:50 am

  Some things were meant to be but maybe this one aint one of those or rather maybe it's not worth the pain,the tears,the humiliation and the down right degrading of oneself.
  Nothing good comes easy,
  And we fight on to the end until we find what we desire,
  But in times like this,even what we most desire might be worth walking away from,
  What good would it be to gain it if in the end we'd have lost ourselves in the process...how could we then trully savor the moment....
  
  Just one moment,now it's all gone
  Just one second and it could have been saved
  Just one last glance,and the longing could be seen
  Just one more chance,and it could have been worth a try
  Just one day left,and the trance was broken
  Just what it if is a train long left the station
  
  
  >End of randomness
  Number one,see i dont understand how you're the one.....from my homie to my only number one...you lift me off the ground i always want you around :D
  I love the number one song by Tinchy!!
  I wish someone would do a dancehall remix...

• Last night

  Posted: August 5, 2009, 10:37 pm

  Last night i dreamt you were with me
  We danced,we kissed and you held me in your arms so tight our heart beats seemed to merge into one
  I was happy,i felt content and in your arms i felt safe
  
  Then morning came and from my dream i was roused
  Full of emptiness,the hole in my heart deepened
  How i wished i could keep holding on to you
  How i wished i could hold on to that dream till it came to be
  
  But i know i cant afford to keep dreaming
  I've got to pick up the slack
  Make that first step if only to get me through the day
  
  If wishes do come true,this is one i'd like to see through
  But then some wise people did say that if wishes were horses...

• Mid-week

  Posted: August 5, 2009, 2:12 am

  Daaaaaaammmnn!!
  Where have i been all this years?!
  Life has just been passing me by all this years while i was busy being the ''good girl'' that lived in the middle of nowhere.I know i was on track a few years back when i made a brief stop over at a high school i fondly refer to as 'the rehab' cos people in that joint including our class teacher who always reported to mondays' home room drunk knew how to party and live life to the fullest.It was a real hustlers block where it didnt really matter where you're from,how you look like nor who you know as long as you could hold your ground and keep it real!Personal style and the right kind of attitude was all you needed to climb the highest peak of the social ladder and leave as a legend to be remembered for some years :)
  Unfortunately my days at the rehab were numbered and i was soon shipped of to land-o-who's!!Thats where my love hate relationship with all things 'barbie' started!!Boredom took on a whole new meaning that necessitated a personality change to the shy,quiet,reserved,self conscious person i was up to a few weeks back!!I think i must have effectively commited social suicide for the time i spent there cos quite often life evolved around who could drop the biggest name,who got picked up by the latest range,who flew to what continent during the holidays and for the few of us that werent really connected,keeping a low profile was the best move!!Dont get me wrong though,i had quite a number of good experiences and not everyone matched up to that profile but it wasnt rare for social gatherings to revolve along the same lines.I think toning down what was previously a 'wild' personality was also good for uni cos i dread to think of how i would have been like had i gone to campus immediately after the rehab!!But the best part about all of my experiences was that they prepared me to deal with peer pressure faced by most freshmen.It was always hilarious watching some of my fellow freshmen struggling to deal with their newly found freedom after having come from very strict boarding schools!All of a sudden they seemed to have joined the D.D.O's ranks (daily drinking officers),smokers zone was the only place to hangout and for the very first time since primo they had found themselves on the same campus with members of the opposite sex...à plus excitêmènt was always in the air but thats a story for another day
  I remembered to live life and hopefully from now on i wont forget just how important it is to just let go and enjoy life while i still can.No more training wheels on this life's journey,maybe it's time i let the wind push me down the slope and if i can get to the bottom of the hill without crashing i shall have conquered this first phase
  Time to scream and cheer while i still can before i loose what's left of my voice that seems to grow hoarse by the day
  Time to run,jump up and down while i still have the energy to do so
  
  
  Ps. today i was reminded just how fragile life really is.My neighbour woke us up early in the morning cos she needed help getting her daughter to hospital.yesterday she was fine going through her normal errands but by 11.00 am she was gone :(
  Left behind....the many by standers who just stood there watching and talking about how she was already dying and wouldnt make it to hospital!!well she did!It was unfortunate that they couldnt save her and may she rest in peace

• Dear husband...if you're leaving me can i atleast come with you?!

  Posted: August 4, 2009, 2:41 am

  I am just begining to appreciate vernacular music more so for the story line.Who would ever think of pleading with their spouse to take them with them if theyre planning to walk out on them lol!Ok i admit love can make you do and say alot of irrational stuff as i am often guilty of but you've got to hand it to that man who sang so passionately to his wife.He must have gotten to that point where you're so deeply in love that the one you're with becomes your entire world and rather than loose her he would rather 'go' with her :).
  Last year i went to a live Mike Rua concert that left me wishing i could scrub my ears with warm water and soap to clean out the uncesored lyrics and i do also love Tony Nyadundo's music especially his remix of 'am not sober odiero am not sober,am not sober because ive taken guiness' though i havent yet had the opportunity to watch him live.
  Ps. I hope the composer was paid for product placement cos this song hardly misses from the dj's playlist at raves.
  
  I hardly listen to such music however,unless it has been remixed but over the years ive gotten to like quite a number of songs.Back in the late 90s i liked this kiuk song that warned people against being arrogant since at the end of the day our bodies are made of soil/dust å là bible teachings but my fav was one about a guy who sang about how they were so broke and all they could afford was one 'githeri' meal in a day.They would eat and go to sleep so as to try and forget about their hunger but the kids still cried in bed until one day when a stranger showed up and said he'd come to help them since God had told him they were in dire need.I loved the catchy chorus 'they would eat the 'githeri' and go to sleep but through it all God never left them' :).I wonder why i never became the typical ''savedy'' types with that kind of music!!
  
  At the moment am listening to ''nyina wa kamau,ithe wa kamau darú iria mwakomagira na miarwo iria mwakomagira no hindi ciagia ngúngúni''.I dont know who sang it since i got it off a dancehall mix but it basically translates to 'kamau's mum and dad,have the tatters you used to sleep on just gotten begbugs?'.It was sang to a couple who started feeling sweet for everyone back home after they started making money in the city.The musician warns them that they should watch out for that day when theyre kids might ask what kind of dog eats leaves since they wouldnt know the difference between goats and dogs having grown up in the city.
  I also love 'ni úria ararira aigua ati niuramútiga múhikie múikaranie nake' i.e because of the way she's crying when you say that you'll leave her,marry her and stay with her....though i think i like this last one for all the wrong reasons.
  
  I will not attempt to translate ohangla lyrics since i only understand about half of what is said but after i 'adhi kisumù city' am sure i'll get a chance to polish up my language skills...>thats one beautiful cityi think i'll also diversify and explore other types of vernacular music...maybe i should start with katitu boys...they always graced 90s kbc singing 'wewe ni usilesi (useless),wewe ni kifagio...' lol!
  
  But before then,am sticking to what i know best...mon premier amour....Reggea/Ragga/Dancehall

• I hate poetry,i could write a poem ...

  Posted: August 1, 2009, 8:06 pm

  I hate poetry,i could write a poem about you everyday
  I hate love songs,am addicted to them
  I hate this feeling of longing,i long for the day i'll see you again
  I hate kisses,i cant seem to get enough of them
  I hate staring,i cant keep my eyes off you
  I hate day dreaming,am dreaming of you right now
  I hate being in love,i keep falling deeper in love with you
  
  But most of all
  
  I hate caring,because i care about you too much

• Story moja Hay festival

  Posted: August 1, 2009, 3:17 pm

  I tend to draw energy from those around me and sometimes it scares me seeing just how hyper and loud i can get when am used to being shy and a bit reserved.Either that or i have a serious case of multi personality disorder.
  Hanging out my pals at the story moja hay festival yesterday brought back memories of freshman and sophomore years.Me and the twins used to be allover campus signing up for clubs and events that we'd end up missing.We also walked around teasing people who seemed to be working too hard to try and blend in with the 'in crowd'.We tried all sorts of stuff from ice skating,football,artist management and at some point we even went gambling at a casino and....lost!!It's like whenever you win,you'll always get tempted to play another round!
  So we walked into impala club to find a quiet orderly event with lotsa book,sculpture and film enthusiasts and within minutes we were allover creating mayhem and running our own side show.I think we might have even traumatized a very friendly artist who had displayed his iron cast sculptures cos we started acting like the sculptures were real animals.we knew we had to draw the line somewhere after kissing a giant frog in the hopes that it would turn into prince charming....in our defence...the fairytales never said whether a metal frog could replace the real thing and so we had to try our luck despite the many camera flashes directed at us :)
  I also loved canvas painting where everyone was allowed to modify or add their own drawings to create one huge painting.Our contribution was adding a huge sun at the botton of the painting since we were in an 'artsy' mode which left a few high school kids staring at us wondering whether we were high.To cap it all we signed our names allover the canvas and made it look like we'd painted the whole thing by ourselves,took a few pictures posing to smile for some 'fans' who'd been busy recording our craziness on their cellphones and left for the film workshop.At this point,i should probably say,IT'S RUDE TO PHOTOGRAPH OR RECORD PEOPLE WITHOUT ASKING!!I see this happening alot and guys are the main culprits!!
  The event turned out to be fun but i hope next year theyll consider incorporating live music as a way of promoting up coming bands and also to make it more interesting/lively.
  Some of the comedians deserve to be on telly cos i loved their material that left the audience in stitches 'he was the marking scheme of an ugly baby'.A couple of tears were shed at the kenya burning photo exhibition tent since they had very many graphic images that really make you question human nature.After seeing photos of beheaded kenyans,some burnt in their cars and mobs caught in action during the post election violence...i hate to think of where we could be headed if we dont act soon and work at transforming the way communities view each other.
  
  Tuungane tujenge taifa pamoja kama wakenya

Blah blah blah

Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes