make mine a double espresso...

• THE JACK HAMMER.

  Posted: December 17, 2009, 7:12 pm by kahawaMoto

  
  
  
  i recently took part in the jack bauer/ chuckk norris debate. i want everyone to know what my stand is in this monumental discussion. thanks.
  hehehehe.
  
  -jack bauer chucked norris
  -kim bauer uses chuck norris as a tampon
  -jack bauer was never addicted to heroine. heroine was addicted to jack bauer
  -as a child, jack bauer never wet his bed. the bed wet itself out of fear
  -jack bauer sleeps with the night light. the dark is afraid of jack bauer!
  -Ordinary people have panic attacks. Chuck Norris has Jack Bauer's attacks!
  -If everyone listened to Jack Bauer, the show would be called 12.
  -Jack Bauer once lost reception on his cell phone. 24 hours later AT&T announced that it would have more bars in more places.
  -There has not been a terrorist attack in the United States since Jack Bauer first appeared on television.
  -Terrorists dread the day in October that Daylight Savings Time ends. Jack Bauer gets 25 hours in which to kill them.
  -Jack Bauer sleeps with a night light because the dark is afraid of Jack Bauer
  -Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
  -Jack Bauer refused a syringe at a blood bank. Instead, he asked for a gun and a bucket
  -Kiefer Sutherland drinks to forget all the terrible things Jack Bauer has done.
  -Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
  -Jack Bauer doesn't need to search the internet, he just stares a computer down until it gives him the information he needs.
  -Jack Bauer made a brief cameo in the film "Stand By Me" as the local bully. His character got so pissed off when the boys didn't let him take the dead body that seven years later, he killed River Phoenix. Jack Bauer never forgets.
  -jack bauer once shot himself ten times, just to prove that 50 cent is a bitch
  -God had to give Jack Bauer immunity on the sixth commandment "Thou shalt not kill". If he hadn't, Jack would've considered God to be a terrorist and God knows what happens to terrorists.
  -Harry Houdini is the world's second greatest escape artist. The First is Jack Bauer. I never saw Houdini bite a guy's neck in order to escape.
  -Kryptonite is not really from Krypton. It is made from Jack Bauer's crap, that is why it can kill Superman.
  -Jack Bauer doesn't need a translator, torture sounds the same in every language.
  -Don't even ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar...
  -Jack Bauer does not run out of ammunition. He simply lets everyone else have their moment to shine.
  -Vin Diesel can be rearranged to say "I end lives." Jack Bauer can be rearranged to say "Jack Bauer," which means the same thing.
  -If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat she would move to the back
  Fuck the kings horses and fuck the kings men. Jack can put Humpty back together again.
  -there is no such thing as a lesbian. just people who have not met jack bauer.
  -If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
  -Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.
  -The war in Iraq will end when Jack Bauer vacations there.
  -Jack Bauer killed a terrorist after torturing him for information. After getting the information, he brought him back to life and tortured him to death again because the terrorist deserved it.
  -Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
  -Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a fucking terrorist.
  -9/11 only happened because Jack Bauer was on vacation. He'll never go on vacation again.
  -1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
  -The only reason you're conscious right now is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you.
  -Every person in authority who has ever decided Jack Bauer is wrong and a loose cannon who needs to be arrested is dead. Coincidence? I think not.
  -There were originally five horsemen of the apocalypse. Jack Bauer said he would travel by foot.
  -Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
  -They say you can't go 3 days without water, Jack Bauer has gone five seasons.
  Jack Bauer sleeps with a gun under the pillow. But he could kill you with the pillow.
  -When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack found it and put it back.
  -Don't ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar.
  -After running out of ammo, Jack stood in the line of fire, took 3 shots to the chest, and used them to reload.
  -As a boy, Jack Bauer interrogated his parents on Easter until they revealed the location and contents of each hidden egg.
  -When life hands Jack Bauer Lemons, he kills Terrorists. Jack Bauer fuckin' hates lemonade.
  -Jack's friend Chase once said that he loved Kim Bauer. Jack then killed a bunch of terrorists to try and calm down. After running out of terrorists, Jack told Chase he had no other choice and chopped off his arm with a fire axe.
  -The Dinosaurs laughed at Jack ...
  -Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: "In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world... five seasons in a row." Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!"
  -Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
  -jack bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun

• tis the season...

  Posted: December 16, 2009, 5:55 pm by kahawaMoto

  
  
  
  christmas is here!!!
  
  the holiday has been amazing so far. i've got to meet some amazing people. nairobi is... awesome!
  went to watch a play during the weekend. 10 angry women, written by churchill. funny stuffs. after that, went for the kinanda festival where freshly ground performed. i also finally got to hear our local talent. sauti sol, dela, kanji mbugua, aaron rimbui and carol atemi.
  
  WE WERE RAINED ON!!!
  
  we stood for hours in the rain. three or four people under one umbrella. the white people went all crazy and started dancing in the rain. in was so exciting. you'd have mistaken it for a wet t-shirt contest. but the performances were amazing. although, my backstage connect was telling me that freshly ground was acting up and didn't want to perform, they did it anyway! they sounded EXACTLY like the album. we stood in the mud and waved our umbrellas in the rain. luckily we haven't been sick this week. *relief*
  
  I LOVE NAIROBI AND IT'S ARTSY PEOPLE AND AMAZING TALENT AND AWESOME CROWDS!
  
  happy holidays everyone!

• cyber foot print/ in other news

  Posted: December 10, 2009, 10:44 am by kahawaMoto

  i was just thinking about the number of social networks i've joined over the years.
  some friends of my friends have passed away recently and people are still living "i miss you's" and messages of condolence on their walls. i have this friend who lost his best friend, and still writes on his page, you know, to update him on what's going on in his life. i guess he didn't have the heart to close down his account.
  
  most of us aren't musicians with albums or authors with best selling books to be remembered by when we pass. but thanks to technology, we have "cyber footprints" that we will leave behind.
  some of the social networks i've joined over the years are...
  pieces of me i'll leave behind...
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  i can't end the post on such a somber note.
  
  last night i went for open mic at pots and palms, by riverside drive. it was pretty cool.y mom was my date. there were some major glitches though. the stage was next to the bar so we really had to strain to hear the performances, the sound was terrible, and they could have picked a better venue. nevertheless, talent is talent. kenya's got talent!!!
  
  AnnieSoul (annie oduor) also performed. her music is really... something else. i'm glad more kenyans are drifting away from the kapuka/genge type of music. the market was becoming saturated with that. i actually bought her album at the end of the show. my best tracks so far are 'release me' and 'tabasamu'. look for the album peeps. 'mwanamuziki' by annieSoul.
  
  peace and love

• sexy men = brain freeze

  Posted: December 6, 2009, 10:39 pm by kahawaMoto

  i'm watching world's sexiest men on E!. HOTDAMN!!! there are some edible men out there. my mom was trying to get my attention for the past 15 seconds. i had to catch myself to avoid getting drool on my laptop. i'm actually trying to google those pics now.
  i can't believe she just changed the channel to watch the amazing race! that's cruel and unusual punishment!!!
  i love how they had men from every country/ continent. there was even one sexy oriental who is half japanese, half chinese... like some sweet and sour sushi type meal. yummy!
  
  also, i saw alot of mixed race (half black, half white) kids this weekend. they are so pretty! i'm not racist or anything, i just couldn't help but think... i want me one of those! sijui i put out one of those lonely heart ads out...
  
  f, 21, nairobi, kenya, looking for white male between the ages of 22-25 for
  super sexy funtimes. enjoys music, poetry, people watching and an occasional
  spanking. also, likes cold oceans. nothing against the coffee/ chocolate
  brothers, i'm just craving some vanilla! 071*******
  
  just to get a white man to father me a curly haired bronze baby :)
  hahahahahahahaha!
  
  she just changed the channel back. needless to say Djimon Honsou was number 5. i love me some dark chocolate! i know that contradicts my lonely hearts ad but still! they are now on sexiest man in the world number four. the irish dude, damn, i missed his name. there was i time i wanted to go to Europe and search for a black irish man. yeah, i black, irish. i just wanted the accent, wrapped in chocolate! number 3 is a guy from the Phillipines. Ding Dong Dantez. his name is a s funny as he is sexy! number 2 is some dude called Micheal from Argentina.
  
  OMG!!! they have lied! me and my mom are crying foul! Beckham* the sexiest man in the world? no way! i mean, he is pleasant to look at. he's always changing his hair and the underwear Ads he did for Armani has got me hoping that human cloning is perfected real soon, but nah, he's not the sexiest man alive.some of the men they've shown from New Zealand, Sweden, Greece, basically all over the world, there's no way Beckham* takes the cup.
  
  i have genuinely forgotten what i intended this post to be about.
  
  lemmi get back to ya'll.
  
  *didi i spell his name right?

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