make mine a double espresso...
-
i'm just feeling blegh...
Posted: July 28, 2009, 3:41 pm by kahawaMoto
it's my second day of school.
it should be my second week, second day of school but kenyans schooling in PE always arrive fashionably late. i'm still waiting on some of my friends to come back.
yup. fashionably late.
being in south africa does wonders to my self esteem. the negative type of wonders. the women here are beautiful... i leave the house feeling okay, walk to the bus stop, get into a taxi (that's what they call matatus here) the first girl i see makes me feel like shit.
sigh.
i'm still yet to go check out the gym at the campus near by. me and L are supposed to go. i haven't heard from her though. her phone is messed up. maybe i'll go today after school.
it turns put my face connected with the cigarette machine friday night. me and my girl were dancing and we cropped. i have no memory of that. i just know i woke up on saturday feeling like i had been punched in the face. at least there wasn't any swelling or bruising. it still hurts. i'd go check it out but i'm yet to apply for medical cover fo rthis semester. god knows i can't afford hospital bills on my allowance.
sigh.
ummm, SHE said we're okay. she sounded indifferent. i won't talk about her anymore.
i'll try not to talk about HIM also. i think i'm just entertaining him. i'm the guaranteed inbox every time he opens his facebook. not a good look.
on the flip side, tomorrow i get to watch both Harry Potter and Transformers. yes. both . wednesday is half price day at the movies. i stay right next to the movies, and a bar, and a bowling alley... it's kinda like a mall... with everything except a grocery store. i need a pick me up.
i'm gonna go on facebook now to see if HE's replied my message.
make my day. yeah, you, reader. :) give it a try... -
stori za weekendi...
Posted: July 25, 2009, 1:24 am by kahawaMoto
I didn't know i was gonna go out until about 7pm. Me and my pal were finishing off the vodka from wednesday, he says something about needing to get his 'dick wet' and about how he knows i'm on a dry spell, so we should go 'hunting'. I would be his wingman.
''make sure you look sexy'' that's what he said as i picked out my outfit. New killer sweater from woolworths, skinny jeans, -thank God it's winter. ANYONE can pull off winter fashion! :)
At the club, first guy i see, 'unpleasant-experience-from-two-or-three-months-ago'. And no, i won't call him 'U.E.F.T.O.T.M.A' for short! Hehehe... Had to be polite, etc, etc, sex with this guy was sooo lousy. Ugh. It only happened once. We were kinda dating, it put me off completely.
So far, it did't look like it was gonna be a successful hunt. Meanwhile, my friend el-predator had already schemed through the whole spot, noticing everyone including the cute waitress in red and the kooger/wanna-be milf at the bar.
Some guys tried to hola. No one worth getting excited about. Besides, everytime el-predator left to go mac on some girl, mr.unpleasant experience was there trying to mac on me. On some 'why didn't shit work out' tip. 'Dude, you know why...' i had once told him during some drunk facebooking spree.
We move to the next spot, this is the international students' hang out. it on what looks like to be an abandoned train station. With the train cars and everything. A big part of the club is actually part train...
To the bar!!!!!
One tequilla, two tequilla, three tequilla four...!
We danced! I forgot about being on the hunt. I'm more of a hunted kinda person. the whole pick up lines at the bar thing is not really my style. And i wasn't that desperate for a shag, i could hold out abit longer... I got so drunk!
I guess that's the end of that hunter-hunted story.
Besides, HE is on my mind! Bastard! He's got me wanting him and he doesn't enen know it! Shit. We haven't talked since thursday. I just wanna do things to him. The physical side has been replaying in my mind. Even to what spot his shirt would land on after i take it off. And his skin, and his chest and me ontop... And cuddling. And the morning after... I tried calling him yesterday. It didn't go through. This is a crush right? It's been a while...
SHE... I don't even know anymore... i know she'll read this...
To her,
YOU KNOW I LIKE YOU!!! YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW I'VE NEVER DONE WHAT WE DID AND THINGS. I STILL WANT T.H.A.T. I STILL WANNA BE YOUR THAT. FUCK, WE'RE THE ONLY ONES WHO CALL IT THAT... :) I DON'T FEED OFF THAT SHIT. YOUR SENTIMENTS DO MATTER. LEMMI KNOW WHEN I CAN HOLA. I MISS YOU...
My mind wanders back to HIM.
SHIT. -
BTW...
Posted: July 25, 2009, 8:26 am by kahawaMoto
I guess... Even after me and you, in your house, in your room, in YOUR BED... I under estimated you and your flexibitility. After EVERYTHING that we've been through...
I'm glad that you moaned when i touched and kissed you... I'm glad that you almost made me cum, i'm glad that you almost turned me bi, i'm glad that i got to grab your ass and squeeze your tits, and...
Despite OUR mis performances, i love you, purple dew... -
gone till november...
Posted: July 23, 2009, 8:08 pm by kahawaMoto
SHE is mad at me. I read the details on HER BLOG.
HE is totally clueless about my feelings. CLUELESS.
THEY are both in Nairobi.
I am back in Port Elizabeth.
I got drunk last night. It was hilarious! I dreamt of HIM... When i woke up, for the first few seconds i thought i was at HER place.
Twisted.
I'm at pizza guys- the pizza place at the mall, waiting for my bill. Across the table, three bags. Shitload of shopping. Comforter, duvet cover, bed sheets, heater, toothbrush, toothpaste, bright orange cushion- i felt my room needed a dash of colour. Plus there was a clearance sale at sheetworld. I'm taking a matatu home. it's probably raining.
I'm single in the winter again. Figured i might as well keep warm. There's half a bottle of vodka under my table from last night. We'll see what happens.
I'll go to school tomorrow. -
my last weekend in nairobi...
Posted: July 20, 2009, 2:45 am by kahawaMoto
-
the L word.
Posted: July 16, 2009, 2:15 pm by kahawaMoto
and no... i'm not talking lupus, or loan or land-lord or ummmm... lollipop (i'm clearly running out of words) i'm talking about the t.v series... the one with the women doing things and stuff, and confusing even straight girls... that's where it all started.
so my friend brought me the dvd... two years ago
at some point i have a very, you know... action filled dream about my friend
she has a dream about me too.
>>fast forward to a year later>>
we start kinda flirting... ummm... i can't even type this note with a straight face.
i don't get it though. this girl is... amazing and she makes me feel... (insert mushy, soft, girly stuff).
i'm trying to figure out how to get to the climax-pun totally intended, of my story...
she flirts, i flirt back, it's been going on for months. we hadn't really done any thing physical, except kiss, but two college girls kissing is about as common as, you know... two girls kissing. i wasn't really bi. and i was done with my curious phase... i was what the urban-dictionary would call "bar-sexual" at the time... (look it up!)
>>fast forward to tuesday>>
i go to her place, nervous as hell, there's a couple of girls... you know, drinking, smoking up, watching funny clips, just having a good time. i wasn't spending the night, had a shit load of errands to do before i went back to school next week.
we drink, laugh, talk, sit, gossip, bitch, some girl in the corner is doing her nails, more drinks, more kush...
...she was sitting on me at some point...
that was some really good kush...
aw man! can't believe we're out of K.C
did we just kiss???
me and her do shots of SoCo in the kitchen
/////i zone out for a minute or twenty/////
it turns out, i AM spending the night.
we're out of alcohol
the girls leave, one by one...
we do the whole, changing into p.j's and getting into bed thing.
we try to sleep.
nah... i take that back, we didn't try.
the long and the short is me and this girl... we did some things man. we did some things and some stuff... and then, we did some more things.
>>the morning after>>
what are her boxers doing on my side of the bed?
i think maybe i should wear my bra now...
zero awkwardness.
she's hungry, i'm thirsty...
we don't talk about it
we have fries for breakfast.
i go home some time in the afternoon.
>>right now>>
we're totally cool
looking forward to the sequel! -
aftermath...
Posted: July 12, 2009, 1:16 am by kahawaMoto
After
heartache
countless-
regrets
insecurities
retarded-
obsession
wanting
needing
alcohol-
binging
her
heartbreak
him
rumours
calls
texts
letters
songs
cuddles
cigarettes
birth…
control
fights
blood
bruises
you
me
hate
tears
laughter
sweat
fears
lies
sex
love…
The loneliness kills me. -
what matters
Posted: July 12, 2009, 4:25 am by kahawaMoto
I went upcountry yesterday. Me, my mom and my father figure. It was amazing. I hadn't been in almost two years.
My cucu* broke down because she was so happy to have lived to see me grown. Me, her and my mom hugged for the longest time as she said a quick prayer. We were all crying. Three generations of first born daughters. (cliche line coming up) at that moment, there's no where else i'd have rather been... i felt completely content.
I finally got to see youngest cousin. now one year, six months. The last time i saw him, his mother was not even pregnant with him. He likes eating raw peas. He can't chew that well yet so i chewed them up, one at a time and fed them to him. He walks around with the pods in his pocket. He gave me one pod.
Me and my mom and cucu walked through the shamba. She complained about the lack of rain. The sukuma wiki* didn't grow fully, the tomatoes had withered, so had the carrots and beans. The only thing that was doing well were the miraa* trees planted randomly around the farm. Mom taught me and cucu how to chana*. Cucu thinks it's too bitter. I do too. I'd rather stick to my potions and herbs. There's a male calf tethered at one side of the farm. He doesn't go grazing with the other cows because he gets aggresive and eats the neighbours' crops. He is my calf. I told cucu that he's probably just misunderstood.
At the end of the farm, we get to the gravesite. My uncle passed away in 2005 while my mitu* passed away in 2006. Me and my mom tidy up the graves while cucu sits on a bench nearby. Her arthritis won't let her stand for long periods. She says she wants to be buried next to my uncle. Her first son. My mom talks to her brother as if he were there. I removed some dried up leaves from mitu's grave. That was when my cousin the one i mentioned earlier was brought to us by his mom. Cucu holds him and cries.
We talk, we laugh, we eat, we cry. Mom has to make a phone call. I oil and comb cucu's hair before we take photos. Cucu loves having her picture taken. Soon it's time to go. Father figure is back to drive us back to Nairobi. We hug, i tell cucu i'll be back in november. She tells me she'll pray everyday till then.
cucu* -grandmother
sukuma wiki* -kale
miraa* -khat
chana* -chew khat
mitu* -great grand mother -
I'm falling... Oh crap.
Posted: July 9, 2009, 5:22 pm by kahawaMoto
-We've been talking for over three weeks now.
-I don't know what exactly is going on between us.
-I DO know that i get excited everytime i hear from him.
-Not that high-school, giggling excited...
-More like ''i'm glad he's enjoying this too excited''
-I didn't get to talk to him last night, or this morning.
-I was a little disappointed.
-That worries me.
-He probably hasn't even noticed that this is the longest pause we've had in our ongoing conversation.
-I wonder what he's doing right now...
The fact that i'm giving the whole situationt this much thought scares me shitless!!!
A good kind of scared though. -
I'm falling... Oh crap.
Posted: July 9, 2009, 5:09 pm by kahawaMoto
-We've been talking for over three weeks now.
-I don't know what exactly is going on between us.
-I DO know that i get excited everytime i hear from him.
-Not that high-school, giggling excited...
-More like ''i'm glad he's enjoying this too excited''
-I didn't get to talk to him last night, or this morning.
-I was a little disappointed.
That worries me.
-He probably hasn't even noticed that this is the longest pause we've had in our ongoing conversation.
-I wonder what he's doing right now...
The fact that i'm giving the whole situationt this much thought scares me shitless!!!
A good kind of scared though. -
r.i.p
Posted: July 7, 2009, 11:36 pm by kahawaMoto
i hadn't written anything about this before... it hadn't really sunk in.
the memorial showing live on CNN...
despite all the drama, and him already being a legend even before i was born... he deserves the fuss, and the blinged out coffin, and the celebrities singing at the service. and his funeral being broadcasted worldwide, and me canceling my plans to watch it.
Michael Joseph Jackson
1958-2009
THE KING OF POP LIVES ON... -
change...
Posted: July 6, 2009, 12:45 am by kahawaMoto
I feel as though, as the months have gone by, the content of this blog has really strayed from my original intentions.
That being said, there might some changes.
Love it or love it! -
i see you... the lust factor...
Posted: July 6, 2009, 6:30 pm by misscaffeineaddict
i see you... the lust factor.
I see you
I see you, brother
I see you... With your muscular frame, and your toned body, and your brown eyes
those eyes that seem to see through the shell that is my body to my spirit
those eyes that seem to see through my flesh to my soul
those eyes that seem to read my thoughts and my fears and my desires and my hopes and my dreams...
I see you
I see you, brother
I see you and that smile...
that smile has got me melting to the ground ever so slowly
it's got me wanting you so badly
your smile has me gasping and sighing and thanking and praising God!
for creating something so soothing and so moving
it's got me thinking of 'we' and not just 'you' and 'me'...
I see you
I see you, brother
I see you and those lips
they have me running and tripping and sliding and falling for you so deeply
Those lips, what is it about those lips that...
Seem to be controlling my heart beat and my hormones and my adrenaline and my emotions...
your lips have got me licking mine and thinking of how it would be worth my while if i got to have just a little time, with those lips...
They've got me thinking of bodies clinging and heavy breathing and sweat trickling and me almost screaming...
I see you
I see you, brother
I see you and that skin
that skin that's got me wanting you to be my African King
that skin that's got me wanting to be part of your kin-ship
that skin that's got me wanting more than friend-ship
that skin that's got me thinking of me and you having relations...
Or maybe, being in a relation-ship
that skin that's got me craving your touch
your's is skin that got me wanting maybe too much
it's got me wanting you... And then some
more... Of... You...
I see you
I see you, brother
I see you, watching me...
What do you see?
by yours truly... -
influence and inspiration (1)- Raphael Saadiq
Posted: July 4, 2009, 7:37 pm by misscaffeineaddict
if you don't know who this is...
i don't even know...
the musical genius behind tony toni tone, and lucy pearl
the guy responsible for TIMELESS classics like anniversary, lay your head on my pillow and my favourite song ask of you.
me and this song have had some history. i heard it first in the nineties, and i just liked the way it made me feel. i was younger than ten years of age and i remember feeling tingly... i didn't know what the name of the song was, i didn't know the name of the artist either...
i heard it again in 2004, i was in a matatu* on my way home. i didn't get off at my stop because the song still wasn't over...
i looked for that song for the next FOUR years and finally found it by accident on a friends computer. i cried!!!
it's one of those songs that if a dude was ever to make me a mix tape, it should be the first track. it's the most played on my iPod, i play it when i'm in the shower, when getting dressed, before i sleep... and it still hasn't gotten old!!!
i have listened to it now over 100 times and i still get that tingly feeling.
that's good music.
the awesomeness that is RAPHAEL SAADIQ...! -
This guy
Posted: July 3, 2009, 6:45 pm by misscaffeineaddict
Ummm... Yeah... So i like this guy. Ok, maybe. But it's not gonna work out. I'm mostly there and he's mostly here, then, there's history. Not history, history, let's just say we've done some things and some stuff... But yeah...
Maybe i just think i like him. Or just the idea of him.
I don't know.
He's really cool. And goodlooking. :)
Blah blah blah
Fish cakes
Alas a fish cake.
Yet more fish cakes
Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.
The end of the fish cakes
