Items by mwari
Black Butterfly
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Packing
Posted: July 3, 2008, 8:15 am by mwari
I’m having packing blues! How is it possible for someone to accumulate so much in such a short time period? I have done so much mental packing without actually physically doing anything. The thought of packing really overwhelms me. But, its something that has to be done, because movers come in on Friday. So far, i have lots of boxes (empty) in the living room. Loads of clothes in my room to be sorted out. My kitchen is flooded with pots and pans and plates….aargh! I know this will be done because it has to be done. It’s the process that is crazy. Oh well, off to pack some more. Laterz!
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Where do I stand?
Posted: July 1, 2008, 5:56 am by mwari
It’s natural for me to allow what others want to be important that what I want or even what I need. It’s not something that I am particularly proud of. In fact, until recently, i didn’t even realize i did it. It was just a part of what I did. It’s a hard thing to admit that you allow others happiness to be more important that what is best for you. But, I can’t do that anymore. From now on, I am going to do what is best for me. That doesn’t mean that I will not be a giving person. But, I want to make decisions based on what I believe is best for me. This issue comes up because I met a new guy. And the one thing that I am not going to do is be physically intimate with this guy (until he has a ring on my finger). I know it sounds like i’m jumping the gun, but I need to be sure where i stand. The emotional baggage that comes with not ending up with a guy whom i’ve been with is something that I cannot handle. Seriously, it would take another decade for me to get out of that roller coaster. I admit this is a decision that is not easy. I have never done this before, but I am adamant that this is what’s up. When the time is right, I will have this discussion with this guy. If we’re not on the same page – spiritually, emotionally, and physically- then I’d rather not be involved with him in any way. I am more than aware that the devil is always ready to pounce on you when you make a decision like this, so I’m asking God to walk with me on this one. I can’t do it alone. I told my bff this, and she said “are you serious? I don’t know about all that.” Well, I’m here to prove to her that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. If this guy is the real deal, he will respect my decision. And if he’s not, then i’d rather know now than later.
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First Date
Posted: July 1, 2008, 5:19 am by mwari
Yesterday, me and the new guy went out on a date. Our First Date. The uneasiness that comes into play when you first meet a guy is always there. A weird nervousness. But, it was a nice day. We met for late lunch and drinks and watched the Euro Cup final. Nice. Then we went to the park, for some one-on-one time. It was really a day made for the movies. The weather was perfect, the company even better. We cuddled and snuggled, and just talked. Played the word game - what do you first think of when I say this word. It even sprinkled and then it rained. Didn’t I tell you this was made for the movies. We shared our first kiss under the rain. I spent all day thinking that I imagined all of this. I am all giddy and full of butterflies and I want to remember the feeling that I had/have for a long time. It’s just nice living in the moment. He called me today to wish me a good day. Sweet. We’ll see where this goes.
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Be Cool
Posted: July 1, 2008, 5:11 am by mwari
Written on Sat. June 28
Last night I met a guy. I had first noticed him when he entered the restaurant and walked around saying hello to everyone. Initially, all i thought of him, was he’s choclaty. Nice. Then he spoke and didn’t sound like a complete idiot. Little did I know that he had already scoped me out. So, we ended up talking, and for the first time, in a really long time, I didn’t even notice when 2 a.m rolled by. He’s a decent guy (based on first impressions). As far as where he lies on “my list” (created a mere two days ago), he has some of the qualities. He was respectful, he is into his family, he’s intelligent, was a former teacher. It’s just soooo crazy that we met only a week before I leave town. After we left the club, he called to make sure that I got home safe, and then we ended up talking until 4am.
But, I am really trying to be cool. I don’t want to sabotage this and fall flat on my face. The only drawback (and i’m not even sure why it is) is that’s he’s 8 years older than I am. I think i’m okay with that. I don’t want to rush any of this. I want the lessons that I have learn this past year to mean something. The amount of pain and heartache that I have endured in the last few years are enough to keep me extremely guarded. I’m happy to have spent time with someone who seems to genuinely dig me. It’s a nice feeling I must admit. And it really makes me wonder what I’ve been doing with EL. For the first time in a really long time, I didn’t think of EL. And when i did there was no pain or anger. More like relief. Like, thank God he was such a jerk, cuz I probably wouldn’t have recognized what a nice guy looks like. Even if this doesn’t work out, even if it is a fleeting moment, I am thankful to have met a nice guy who made me feel special and feel that I deserve to be treated this way. I know God works in mysterious ways (and He has a wonderful sense of humor) - this one seems to be one of them. Thank you Lord for shining this moment for me. I truly feel like it will all be okay!
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The Light at the End of the Tunnel
Posted: June 26, 2008, 4:55 am by mwari
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Regret
Posted: June 25, 2008, 8:45 am by mwari
This month’s Oprah magazine has an article that is aptly titled “Regret.” Kinda gave me the AHA! moment that Oprah is always talking about. The highlights were that, just like anything in this life, you can make regret your “worst enemy or your best friend.” The author continues: “The past doesn’t exist except as a memory, a mental story, and though past events aren’t changeable, your stories about them are. You can act now to transform the way you tell the story of your past, ultimately making it a stalwart protector of your future.” Brilliant!
Everyone has those coulda, shoulda, woulda moments in life. Mine just happened a few minutes ago. I really shouldn’t have eaten that second helping of greasy Chinese food. While this type of regret seems inconsequential, any would-coulda-shoulda moment has the potential of crippling you. I rarely regret things that I do; i welcome it as an opportunity to learn something. anything.
“You’re finished grieving when you see someone gaining what you regret losing and feel only joy for them - maybe even secret gratitude that circumstances forced you to enlarge your own capacity for joy.” Isn’t that the epitomy of letting go and forgiving. Forgiveness, is really one of the hardest things to to do. It’s an easy concept in theory, but its hella hard to put it into practice. According to the Word, when God forgives you, he wipes your slate clean, and its like it never happened. In fact, when you remind yourself what you did, I bet He’s like “now, what now?” He never uses it to condemn you or remind you what horrendous acts you did. That is a high bar to achieve. Is it even attainable? Is it possible for me to forgive like He does. Where I don’t remember what the other person said/did? Where I don’t take use it at any opportunity to guilt someone into doing/feeling a certain way? Where all ill-thoughts/feelings about what the person did are no longer there? I say I forgive, but I know that I have not done all the above. I especially use it to guilt people who have wronged me, and remind them just how horrible they were to me. I know its not right. I know. I know. I’m trying to be better at this forgiveness thing. I try to remind myself that God forgives me when I ask him to forgive me (and He does it no matter how many times I do the same thing over and over again). Yet, I can’t forgive a mere mortal? Someone who’s just like me - human and prone to err. Really, there’s nothing like the peace that forgiveness and letting go brings about. I have a list of things/people/mofos that I need to REALLY forgive. And I really need to let it go, once and for all. Lord gimmi the strength.
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Social Work
Posted: June 25, 2008, 8:23 am by mwari
I have come to terms with the fact that I enjoy public service. I am happiest at my job when I feel that whatever I have done makes a difference. I may not directly impact specific individuals, but I feel overall that my job makes an difference overall to the constituents of the cities that we represent. But, I am no social worker. Social workers are forced to be multi-talented individuals - improve folks lives, help people cope with everyday life, solve personal problems, uplift those who need a lift, encourage those who despair, and see the potential in those who can’t see it in themselves. Although I am not a social worker by profession, I feel like that I have been a working as one - at least in my relationships. And, for the love of all that is holy, I am tired of being a particular mofo’s social worker. Done. With. It.
In all my thirtysexy years, I have been in three serious relationships. First, was the puppy-love infused one. It had its good times, and definitely some ugly ones. But, I believe it defined me more than any others that followed. For one, I really learnt a lot about myself. I am not one to be in an insecure-filled relationship. That jealous sh** is just not my cup of tea. Every other one has been downhill. I wonder can it get any worse? If life is what it is, it definitely can. So, I’m thinking I need a new strategy in approaching this love thang. Maybe to begin with I should stop calling it a “love thang.” But seriously, there has to be a way to approach this. A few days ago, me and some of my gals were talking about dating, and one of the gals mentioned that she was able to “nab” her hubby because she adhered to the Rules. I’ve never read the Rules, though I’ve heard a few other people talk about it. Some of the rules include not initiating calling a guy, not calling him back until 24 hours have expired, if he calls for a date on tuesday, you are available on thursday. Well, i’m not quite sure i agree with all the Rules. But, they do give food for thought. Guys like the thrill of the chase. That’s as natural as breathing. I think I tank on this part. I rarely find guys that tickle my fancy. If you want to impress me, blow my mind with your intelligence. So when I find a guy that stimulates my mind, i get rather over-excited. I can’t help it, they are a rare species! And maybe I jump the gun. But, I really don’t think that’s been the problem. I’ve just been with complete mofos. I knew from the start, but being the competitive gal I am, i naively thought I could change them. Hence, my many days spent being a social worker. Not anymore.
This weekend I met a guy - he was nice, very funny, and was “darting” me with all sorts of sweet-nothings. But, I must say as much as I was flattered by all the attention, I knew he was full of BS. Or rather, I knew that this was not the type of person I wanted to be with. When I say “wanted to be with”, I literally mean that. I made a promise to myself after my last disastrous relationship that I was not going to be dating just anyone, the next guy i date will be my husband. Since then, i have gotten a lot better at weeding out the crap, and seeing people at their face-value. I’m just like the next gal, I love compliments and sweet-nothings, but I am so beyond that. Someone recommended that I read “Choosing God’s Best” by Dr. Don Raunkier and his hypothesis is that dating leads to divorce, because if you have a dating mentality, then there’s always the thought that the grass is greener with the next date. So we shouldn’t date, but court. I’m not sure I agree wholeheartedly with his view. I think dating is healthy. It allows you to grow and learn who you are, what you like and what you don’t like. Granted, there are otherwise of learning this, but I can’t take away the experience I had with my first boyfriend. What I learnt about me- priceless! But, I will give the book a shot. At my age, I am not interested in just dating, there has to be more than that. And, i’m okay with waiting for the right guy, cuz if the future and legacy of my unborn children depend on this guy, he better be the right one.
The other night, in fashion with my procrastination, I came up with my list of things that I am looking for in a guy. I’ll reprint them here so that i’ll always have a record of them. Here goes:
- God fearing
- Family-oriented
- Responsible
- Intelligent
- Ambitious
- Good sense of humor
- Respectful
- Honest
- Easy going
- No drama
- Knows what he wants
- Has a need to give back (in whatever way- time, money, service etc)
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The Art of Procrastination
Posted: June 23, 2008, 10:32 am by mwari
If there was an academy award for procrastination, I would win hands down! It is almost 1am on Sunday evening, and I have a brief that is due tomorrow. Instead, of typing at exponential speed, I am busy watching PBS. I must say, its like divine coincidence, because I’m watching Justice Antonin Scalia being interviewed by Charlie Rose. J. Scalia definitely has some interesting views. I am must admit I usually do not agree with his decisions, but I do admire his writing skills, as well as his staunch strict constructionist view. Am not sure either whether I agree with his view that the constitution is NOT a living document. Things are a lot different than they were back in 1787. I know what the authors meant back when they wrote the constitution, but things have evolved since then, so can what they meant be applied in the same way in today’s society? Deep questions. Procrastination begs that I delve into it, but I will pass. Don’t want to outdo anyone in this art that I have so perfected.
How do I account for my sheer lack of motivation? Actually, I think I have so many things zooming in and out of my mind, and i’m trying to sort it all out. I’m trying to wrap up things at work, I’m overwhelmed with the sheer thought of packing up this place and transporting the stuff that i’ve managed to accumulate this past three years. Maybe I should have taken some more time off work. Or maybe I should just not fret the small stuff and do what I can do because that’s only what I can do. Priority: finish this brief; start clearing up my house and packing (note to self: get rid of the junk- i am not moving anything that i have not seen/opened up in the last 6months). I’m sure it will all be done though, cuz I don’t have much of a choice. Sometimes, I wish i didn’t care too much, but, the truth is I care too much not to do the best that I can possibly do. So, I am striving for excellence. I’m sure I could pass for mediocre, but I couldn’t possibly live with myself. So, here I am, slugging away, at 1:30a.m., striving to produce a work of art. Will anyone notice? Will anyone care? Will this end? This week will be absolutely horrendous. So much to do, so little time.
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EL
Posted: June 21, 2008, 7:31 am by mwari
For some unexplainable reason everything seemed so uncomplicated today. And for a moment I actually remember us being happy. It wasn’t a fleeting thought though, more like a wave washing up to shore bringing along happy-joyful memories. I remember laughing. A.LOT. Feeling safe in your arms. Unashamedly happy and beautiful. We used to laugh more, kiss more, hug more, snuggle more, and fight less. We were less unhappy. It seemed simpler back then. When did things become so complicated? or were they always? When did the disconnection happen? Did we get too serious? Our relationship was disjointed, but aren’t they all? We were really really really great friends who had so much in common and could sit up all night talking about anything and everything. And then there was the emotional-crazy-attraction-illogical-dishonest-disrespectful-i-am-so-mad-at-you-break-up-make-up-can’t-get-enough-of-you part of us. The latter part of us seems intent on crushing our friendship into tiny particles of dust. I want these two parts of us to be distinct and separate. But, how can you have one without the other? Can they truly exist separate? I want the “friend” in me to be happy for you, even if your source of happiness is not me. But the “lover” in me wants you to only be happy with me. How do I reconcile the two? Maybe there was no distinction between friend and lover. Perhaps, if one did not exist, there would no us to talk of. So, how do we separate the two? Can we exist if one part of us does not? Can one part of us thrive without the other? Can I love you and not be your friend? or can I be your friend without loving you? Suddenly, things seems so complicated.
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Daddy
Posted: June 20, 2008, 8:03 am by mwari
The past weekend was Father’s Day, but it was one that was mired by the death of a very well-respected journalist, who according to his one and only son, Luke, appears to define the true meaning of a father. Tim Russert passed away last week. May God rest his soul in peace. Today, I watched Luke Russert’s interview, and I could not help but be moved. Tim you did an awesome job. What caught my eye though was how affectionately and lovingly he spoke of his father. What would, in my mind, have been a difficult and painful moment, was turned into a wonderful tribute of who Tim Russert really was. Thank you Luke for sharing that with us.
This morning while in the shower, where it seems my many profound (at least to me) moments seem to arise, I was thinking about my Dad, and how I haven’t called him in a while. And, while in the shower, I thought, I really should make a commitment to speak to him at least once a week. Sometimes, we take for granted that our parents will always be in our lives, but the fact is, as I get older, so do they. And, this is the time I need to talk to them as much as possible so that I can absorb as much of their wisdom as I can. In his interview Luke said that he knew that he was loved by his dad. That resounded in me. Because, if there’s anything that I know and know for sure without a trace of doubt in my mind, is that my father LOVES me. I know what it means to be loved. I am so grateful to God for allowing the man that I call father to be my father. What a perfect match.
My Dad is like the coolest guy on planet earth. I’m not saying this cuz i’m biased. Nope. My guy-friends love hanging out with him, and he loves hanging out with young folks. He’s really different. For someone who grew up during and after colonialism, he’s outlook on parenting is completly different. He got me hooked on watching Animated Films. Which father of that generation sat with their kids and watched cartoons and actually enjoyed doing so? My Dad did. Which father drove you and picked you up from the hang, just so that he made sure you got home safe? My Dad did. If you knew where I lived, you would truly appreciate this. He was never hangup on protocol. He just was who he was, and didn’t care what other father’s his age were doing. During my adolescent years, when I met a boy that I actually liked, he listened to me yap on and on and on about this boy. He never said “don’t talk to me about boys!” He just listened. He never judged. And for that I will always love him. My Dad is the most generous man I have ever met. Generous to a fault. Generous with his time and his money. I have yet to see him say no to anyone. No wonder he is so richly blessed. I do aspire to be like him, cuz in this aspect I am so unlike him. He put his brothers and sisters through school, denying himself the opportunity to go to school. He has put many of cousins through school, housed them, and loved them like his own kids. No wonder, they all wanna live with him. See, I told you he’s the coolest.
I miss him a lot. Distance takes a toll on relationships. But, whenever I feel down, I’ll just shot him an email. And I know I can ask him anything in the world, and he’ll honestly answer it. That’s my Dad for you. My best friend. I do not know what I did to deserve to be called his daughter (and his one and only for that matter), but I thank God everyday for him. I pray that my husband and unborn son will be just like my daddy. Love you dad!!
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I’m Backkkkkkkkkkk
Posted: June 20, 2008, 7:29 am by mwari
I’m back after a long, long hiatus. I can’t believe its been over a year since I started blogging. I just got done reading my earlier entries. Dang! So much has changed, yet, not quite. But, I feel blessed to be here, at this moment, with all the good, the bad, and the ugly that this past year has brought. I won’t bother trying to rehash where and what i’ve been up to. There’s just not enough time in the world for that. So, i’ll just start where I am now, and try to make this transition seamless.
I’m about to start a new chapter in my life in a few weeks. I’m packing up and leaving the town I currently reside and hoping back East, i.e. East of where I currently live. I’m moving back to be closer to fam. I’m so excited, though apprehensive about my new job. I will miss my colleagues, especially my boss-friend. He has allowed me to grow professionally, and be the best that I can be at what I do. I’m forever indebted to him for opening this door for me, and the many more that will come. I’ll still be working in the same industry, so i’m sure our paths will cross every once in a while. But, I’m so excited…i’m going-going-back-back-to [fill in the blank]. Yes!!!
I’ll also be an auntie in a couple of months. This is a brand-new role that I will be playing. The first niece/nephew that I will be privileged to spoil rotten. I.am.so.in.LOVE. Is it possible to love someone that you haven’t seen/met? That must be true definition of love. I can’t wait. January cannot get here quick enough.
Mwariwadavid...a re-invention
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I am an African
Posted: June 12, 2008, 8:46 pm by mwari
In the entire two adjacent buildings that the company occupies, each 5 floors high, I have only seen one other black face. When I bumped into this ‘kinsman’, brief introductions revealed he comes from Cuba. Cough. Where is that on the world map? Ok, so far I am the face of Africa. That by itself is no [...] -
By appointment only!
Posted: May 30, 2008, 9:01 pm by mwari
Sooner, rather than later, I am discovering the European definition of what it means to keep a job, manage a home, remain a valid mum of three, as well as darling wife! In Kenya, and to an extent, South Africa, that was a cool and gentle breeze, what with so many available househelps to choose from, and [...] -
Smiles & Flowers
Posted: May 22, 2008, 7:19 pm by mwari
I don’t recall the last time I smiled as much as I did today, day one at my new job. So much so that my facial muscles began hurting and my eyes were threatening to go blood-shot! It does not help that my boss sits right next to me and every now and then, she would [...] -
Little Miss Know-it-all
Posted: May 19, 2008, 7:30 pm by mwari
She has many faces, and lives in many different places. Or perhaps, the changes form as she follows me everywhere I go. But she most certainly catches up with me, most of the time, much to my chagrin! Even though she has many faces, she is very pretty. And yes, she knows everything. Well, not quite, [...] -
Hair
Posted: May 13, 2008, 6:53 pm by mwari
Nowadays, the single most outstanding matter that evokes in me a feeling of wanting to catch the next plane home is, believe it or not— hair. On such occassions, I DO NOT envision myself packing stuff neatly in suitcases. The scene is usually a hurried event, where I am erratically throwing stuff onto a bedsheet, and a leso, then [...] -
I got that Job!
Posted: May 8, 2008, 4:18 pm by mwari
This will probably be my most incoherent post, my apologies in advance. Yes, I got the job, they gave it to me. A jig, a whistle. Create your own song and dance with me. another whistle, a twist, one leg raised, both hands up, shaking waist now. jumping up and down. Thank you Lord! And thank you all [...] -
Am Now Ready…
Posted: May 5, 2008, 7:11 pm by mwari
Of all the mountains we’ve faced, This one’s been the most rugged, Steep contours, and sharp meanderings. I know it’s lasted much longer, Than we ever anticipated. We shall get over the top, to catch a glimpse of another beautiful view, Of a life and a story we call ‘Ours’ It’d be good if it were simpler, I have wanted to bury my head in the sand, And pretend that [...] -
Almost there, almost…
Posted: April 30, 2008, 4:41 pm by mwari
Interview number 5(a), 5(b) and 5 (c) have already taken place. 5(a) is what I described here as amazing, for it was. And not just because it lasted two solid hours, but but but. Very many reasons that I will detail later. For those that are with me in prayer, please go on. Things are [...] -
Ich lerne Deutch…
Posted: April 19, 2008, 5:08 pm by mwari
I must say that I was not all that enthusiastic about learning German. If at all, I had decided that I will only learn just enough ‘to ask for water’. In swahili we say, ” ya kuomba maji” . I did four years of French at secondary school, at the end of which I could [...] -
My Birthday today…
Posted: April 17, 2008, 1:21 pm by mwari
When my alarm went off at 6.35 am, my husband wished me a happy birthday. It was like he was on the alert to be first to say it. All week, I thought of my mum and I had made a point of calling her to tell her it is my birthday. I usually don’t [...] -
Interview No.4
Posted: March 28, 2008, 4:46 pm by mwari
My current occupation is to get myself an occupation. I mean an income earning job. I am empasizing that because, even without a paying job, I am still very occupied. Without delving into much detail, you will only need a casual glance over my blog categories to get an idea of just how occupied I am, {without an [...] -
Where do missing posts go?
Posted: March 20, 2008, 12:53 pm by mwari
Just when I found a string of words to place on my ‘About’ page, WordPress pulls a prank on me. I put together a weighty close to 1000 words on my ‘About’ page, to match its new look, and to signify that there is ‘life on mwariland’, and what does WordPress do? When I hit the [...] -
New tricks, old dog…
Posted: March 13, 2008, 11:46 am by mwari
Swiss authorities allow me to use my Kenyan driving licence for a year, after which I must attain a Swiss one. Attaining a Swiss license is entire curiculum, which includes first aid classes! I am yet to ascertain what degree one attains after the course, that is after factoring in the number of man hours [...] -
Me, today…
Posted: March 7, 2008, 6:02 pm by mwari
There are days when I feel The best of me is ready to begin Then there’s days when I feel I’m letting go and soaring on the wind ‘Cause I’ve learned in laughter or in pain How to survive! I get on my knees! (x2) There I am before the Love That changes me See I don’t know how But there’s power When I’m on my knees I can be in a [...] -
Tag-2008
Posted: February 22, 2008, 1:55 pm by mwari
I was hoping to escape this one, but seeing as I have been tagged twice by Aegeus and Bomseh let me give it a try…. It is an yearly thing afterall, isn’t it? The Rules: - Link to the person that tagged you. - Post the rules on your blog. - Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. - Tag six random people [...] -
My girls won’t get no math!
Posted: February 22, 2008, 12:22 pm by mwari
Being a mum occassionally gets overwhelming, many a times. I am of the type that tend to bear not just my problems, but those of my loved ones as well. Schools closed 2 weeks ago. They call it ’sports holiday’ here, whereby folks hibernate to the mountains to do skiing before the snow melts down to pave [...] -
Flakes from a CV-Part 2
Posted: February 19, 2008, 10:14 pm by mwari
Flo was a pleasant lady, and when they called, many of our clients always asked to speak to her, even when it was Joe himself that first picked the call. I found that odd. I also discovered that it was Flo that appeared to understand and to deal with many aspects of the business. Much later, I [...] -
Flakes from my CV…
Posted: February 15, 2008, 2:31 pm by mwari
Working for Joe and Sonia, was not what I would call a typical job. If anything, I did not have a job description. Or to put it into proper perspective, my job description varied to suit whatever circumstance the company was facing. And circumstances were a quite a number. Suffice it to say, I was [...] -
You & I, today.
Posted: February 14, 2008, 6:59 pm by mwari
Allow me to announce it here So that all that passby can hear Then they will know, love does exist So, their hopes to find love must persist Our days turned into months into years, now ten Each passing day, has me a lesson to enlighten More of me, you, and of the world around No longer can I talk of love that is blind Once, I saw only your [...] -
This Crisis Can Be Our Spring Board
Posted: February 5, 2008, 5:52 pm by mwari
Even as the mediation team led by Kofi Annan deliberates on how to solve the on-going crisis in Kenya, this might be the perfect opportunity to delve deeper and get to the bottom of the matter. It is no longer just about a disputed election. What might have begun as a mild ache has mutated [...] -
Less is More
Posted: February 1, 2008, 5:56 pm by mwari
I know that 2008 already came, one month ago. I am still rubbing my eyes to wake up to the new dawn that a new year promises. What with the unpleasant loud bangs that have so far characterised the entry of 2008! Very disorienting. Nevertheless, I am hanging on to the hope that I will smile, as the rest of [...] -
Now, this I don’t get!
Posted: January 31, 2008, 11:25 am by mwari
http://www.eastandard.net/news/?id=1143981189&cid=4 -
Let’s Save Kenya!
Posted: January 29, 2008, 3:28 pm by mwari
In my wildest nightmare, It never crossed my mind, That a day like the last thirty, Would ever dawn in Kenya. That was not for Kenya. Words fail, and though hoarse already, I have to scream from my little corner, Let’s save what’s left of Kenya. Nothing makes sense anymore, Kenya is not Kibaki or Raila, Kenya is you and I. Why are wiping out Kenya? Let’s [...] -
Numb
Posted: January 28, 2008, 1:27 pm by mwari
I have ran out of words, To air my thoughts and pleas, Nothing is left, but a numb emptiness, And Oh, it so tightly engulfs! I wish it were just but a nightmare, For then I’d wake up relieved. Alas, Not so. What’s more, it is too late! The place I call home is no more. My people once peaceful, Will not see eye to eye, “We were pretending”, Is what [...] -
Rest In Peace
Posted: January 27, 2008, 7:05 pm by mwari
Today was your appointed time, From us to depart, And from it all. We will cherish the good we shared, And even what seemed not so good. And though we will see you no more, A part of you will always be with us. For you touched us in many ways, You were ours, and we were yours, Now you are His’. My father [...] -
This is no way to live!
Posted: January 25, 2008, 3:38 pm by mwari
I am unable to move on. Just when I begin to think that things are getting better, some news pops up to spoil! Earlier in the day, I was exchanging SMSs with my sister. She is in Johannesburg and I am in Zurich, and she was giving me a ‘moment by moment update’ of chaos in Nakuru [...] -
Now we can say ‘Happy New Year’
Posted: January 24, 2008, 5:46 pm by mwari
If this BBC piece bears any truth, we can now open the champagne to usher in the not-so-new year. I can’t believe today is the 24th of Jan. We’re nearing the end of the first month of a new year. Ordinarily, most will have by now set new resolutions/goals/targets/milestones/or whatever you call yours; even though we’ll [...] -
Are they willing, or is it just a gimmick?
Posted: January 23, 2008, 12:20 pm by mwari
Now that Kofi Annan is in the country with his team of eminent persons, will a solution for Kenya be found? Why am I not optimistic? Why do I think it is just a gimmick? Both Kibaki and Raila together with their teams are still playing hard. There hasn’t been any indication that any side will [...] -
Really? Then let’s wait and see…
Posted: January 21, 2008, 5:08 pm by mwari
…”How can Jesus Christ and his disciples sit in a committee chaired by Judas Iscariot?” … ‘Figuratively spoken’ notwithstanding! Even if you don’t fear God, at least respect the God of your people (and of your opponents). None of us is mighty enough to dare mock God. That is the God that many of us ran to when the [...] -
Is this it?
Posted: January 20, 2008, 10:34 am by mwari
Ok, so the election was flawed. So, let’s rip the country apart, let the poor kill each other, burn some, slaughter others and let some die under the bullet. And while at it, focus on one tribe. Burn their houses, kill them, harvest their maize. In short, let’s do all we can to flatten everything we ever built. Go [...] -
If only God would speak…
Posted: January 17, 2008, 2:15 pm by mwari
Many Kenyans will agree on these few points: Unlike any other General Election in Kenya, the one just ended was hotly contested. Rigging was done both by PNU and ODM The ECK slept on their job, and by the time they woke up, Mwai Kibaki had been sworn in as the president of Kenya. Some Kenyans are disatisfied and feel [...] -
I was just thinking…
Posted: January 14, 2008, 5:19 pm by mwari
Try as I might, I am unable to write other ‘nicer’ posts. I am unable to tear myself away from the goings-on in Kenya. I have therefore allowed myself some time to go on writing about Kenya, for a while. I suppose, like one with a bad stomach-ache, I need to vomit it all out, to clear my [...] -
Wakenya Pamoja, Good Stuff!
Posted: January 14, 2008, 12:12 pm by mwari
I could not resist reposting this, first posted here. It is good to see these talented Kenyans lending their voices in song, for the sake of our country! Let’s keep hope alive… -
Miscellaneous
Posted: January 11, 2008, 1:34 pm by mwari
1. There is the truth as you and I probably know it, and then there is that other truth and also this truth. These truths have invoked in me a myriad of feelings. I have felt like I should do the following: Shut up- and let the knowledgeable speak Get informed, and then make informed narratives Give up, akin to to [...] -
Mum, what is a tribe?
Posted: January 9, 2008, 6:16 pm by mwari
…is the question my daughter keeps asking me. And I am lacking fitting words to explain to this young Kenyan. That we have lived away from Kenya for a couple of years, means that our mother tongue is nearly abandoned. Which I at times feel ashamed about. In essence my children are Kenyan, and all [...] -
The Return of Mwari wa David…
Posted: January 8, 2008, 1:05 pm by mwari
I know, I know…I did not say goodbye. I did not hint that I was wrapping up my previous blog. And for those who asked(thanks for asking!), I did not even save the content for you. It is all gone. I will explain all that later. I promise. For now, let me join other Kenyans of [...] -
Who will save Kenya?
Posted: January 2, 2008, 6:39 pm by mwari
Where are the voices of the Kenyan leaders? Where are the Bishops, the Cardinals, and anyone else who is looked upon as a leader? Where are the voices that will be heard at this bleak time in the history of our country? Who will quell the fires of violence that have rocked our otherwise peaceful nation? Who [...] -
Merry Christmas and a blessed 2007
Posted: December 22, 2007, 6:52 pm by mwari
Here’s wishing you all happy holidays!
Mwari's thoughts, perceptions & experiences
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Hard Evidence!
Posted: November 6, 2007, 3:48 pm by mwari
Earlier, when I wrote that Switzerland is a beautiful country, I must have mentioned that it is also very clean. Obviously, I am not too widely travelled, but I wonder how many other cities have their streets vacuum-cleaned, literally. -
Rant, of a slightly technical nature!
Posted: November 1, 2007, 8:06 pm by mwari
1. What happened to the good old days when Windows Task Manager was the supreme authority? When all programs and processes could be terminated from it? Has anyone noticed that nowadays, Task manager ‘hangs’ /’freezes’ ?! So there you are, trying to terminate a program that has hang, from the task manager of course, then [...] -
Let’s go women, let’s go….
Posted: October 29, 2007, 12:34 pm by mwari
Argentina have elected former first lady, Cristina Fernandez , as President. She is the first female president in Argentina. Women taking over leadership, even for the highest office, is now a distinct trend sweeping over the World. What with the Liberian President, the German Chancellor as examples. Others to look out for are Hillary Clinton and Benazir [...] -
Switzerland, 3 months on…
Posted: October 22, 2007, 12:13 am by mwari
It feels like we have been here much longer than just 3 months. Not that we have mastered everything there is to master, but rather, we had a soft landing, in many ways. We found here a small but very intimate Kenyan community, mostly older than us, who took us under their wings and showed [...] -
Marriage, Revisted…
Posted: October 10, 2007, 8:28 pm by mwari
Years ago, on just another ordinary day, I stepped into a noisy, crowded banking hall. Amidst the noise of people waiting to be served, my eyes locked with those of a stranger. In that brief moment, I remember having appreciated (in my mind) that person, those eyes and his height. I remember thinking to myself [...] -
Reflecting on Mummy Moments
Posted: October 1, 2007, 8:48 pm by mwari
At the point when I became self-aware, somewhere around my late teens/early twenties, I held no fantasies of ever having babies. I was not however,oblivious of the fact that most babies were very pretty and smelled nice, (which made them seem very cuddly) and even though I would occassionally get to hold them, I don’t recall any [...] -
Blogging, one year on…
Posted: September 17, 2007, 12:04 am by mwari
When I began blogging last year in September, I did not expect to last this long in the blogosphere. I remember telling Daudi of Mentalacrobatics during the Highway Africa conference, that I owned a blog(not this blog though). But when he asked me the name of my blog, I wouldn’t tell him, wanting to appear mysterious. The truth was, in addition to having forgotten the login details [...]
Black Butterfly
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The True Measure of a Woman
Posted: September 14, 2007, 6:09 am by mwari
I finally did something that I feel has been tugging at my heart for a very very long time. I have always wanted to be a mentor. But for some reason, I’ve never done it. Maybe it was fear (something about providing guidance to a young lady, when I haven’t quite figured out who I am, what my purpose is, and other never ending soul-searching issues) kept me from doing it. But now, I’ve realized that it wasn’t just the right time. It wasn’t God’s time. But, I think I’m ready now. I’m so excited. I’ll be mentoring young girls age 15-18. The program I’ll be working with is a Christian based organization, and I’m so impressed by what the program offers for young ladies. Makes me wish I had something like this when I was their age. But, I figure its things like these that make me want to do this; hopeful make a difference in someone’s life. Plus, this is part of the committment plan that I’ve been working on.
As part of the program, the gals will be reading Lisa Bevere’s “The True Measure of a Woman.” I started reading the book yesterday. After only the first chapter, I’m stumped. The first question she asks is: “What is the True Measure of a Woman?” I’ve been thinking about this question all day. I’m not sure I know what the answer to that question is. So, if I don’t know what that means, how can I recognize what she embodies? How can I aspire to be something that I do not comprehend? What do I need to change about myself to become that woman? Questions, but no answers. This is bound to be interesting.
Mwari's thoughts, perceptions & experiences
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When women laugh…trully
Posted: September 11, 2007, 5:30 pm by mwari
I will never forget a time I was invited to a friend’s house for a party, a couple of years back. I did not know most of her other invited guests, but I thought it would be a good opportunity to meet new people and possibly make some new friends. But her lady friends turned [...]
Black Butterfly
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Letter to a Younger Me
Posted: September 6, 2007, 6:10 am by mwari
Dear Younger Me:
I start out with a caveat- hindsight is 20/20. I have all the experience of having been you, with the ability to tell you that I wish you knew what i know now. For the most part, you’d be happy to hear that we did good. I also know that you are very stubborn, and you probably wouldn’t listen to what I have to say. But, I’ll say it anyway.
Always remember that you are beautiful. You are fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image. If you don’t believe anything else. Remember. This. I know you experienced some negativity while younger that affected you’re self-esteem. But, you have to believe that you are a child of God that is made in His image, and God don’t make ugly. Believe this and it will help you deal with any ugliness that may come you’re way.
You tend to underestimate yourself. Gal, you are smart. Don’t overthink it. You are. You should never minimize yourself to let others around you shine. Go ahead and shine.
You are a very focused and intense person. But, you have to learn to exhale. I know this is probably the hardest thing that you will ever have to do. You should try it. I haven’t quite got the hang of it, but I’m working on it. everyday.
Forgive more. Life is too short. Forgive. Don’t take all things to heart. Don’t hold onto to grudges (not for too long anyway). No-one is perfect. Everyone has flaws (believe it or not, even you). Not everything is black or white, some things are gray. It will make it easier to be more understanding and to FORGIVE.
Kiss more frogs. In time, you’ll discern you’re prince. Drink (a lot) from the cup of innocent love, with all its sweetness and giddiness. Oh! Enjoy those times before love becomes complicated. Cherish those moments, they will renew you when you need to believe that love is real. Remember, that the odds are that someone will break you’re heart. Hard as it may be, search for the lessons. Love with all you’re heart, but guard you’re heart. Not everyone is worthy of your love.
Sustain your relationship with your family. They are your rock. And no-one can love you unconditionally like they can. Be gentle with them. As hard as it may be, develop a relationship with your mother. The older you get, you will appreciate her more. She’s a rock, and you will need her to be there for you. And she will always pray for you, even when you don’t ask. If not for that, you are you’re mother’s child, and you will become her. Hard to believe, but soooo true.
For the most part, I’m proud of you. I am a result of your choices, and you chose well.
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Of Dreams
Posted: September 6, 2007, 5:09 am by mwari
Last night I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that I was pregnant. Very. Pregnant. Not the kind of dream where you think that you may be pregnant, or imagine what you would do if you were. No. This was a very vivid one where I could feel myself sagging under the immense weight of pregnancy. I was even waddling the way pregnant women do. I was admiring my huge belly, which if I must say was pretty cute. Weird, but there weren’t any other people in the dream, like the daddy or my family. It was just me, very pregnant. That’s all i remember though, because my dream was interrupted by my dreaming that I needed to pee, which in reality means I gotta pee.
Subconsciously, I think I’ve figured out the impetus of my pregnancy infused dream. Lately, I’ve been surrounded by pregnant women, spouses of pregnant women, and women who are actively planning to get pregnant. I even received a misplaced voice mail from a lady who thought I was her sister, and went ahead to let me know that “grandma had dreamt that she (me) would be having a baby girl, and was very excited, but didn’t want to be called grandma, but nini, cuz grandma would make her feel old.” I laughed my a** off, but I must admit it was kinda eerie.
Earlier on this week, I was thinking about kids, that is do I want them. Somehow, I just don’t see them in my life, at least not at the present moment. See, I just turned 30. But, I have friends of similar age, and some even younger, who keep telling me how their biological clock is loudly tocking. For some reason, I just can’t hear the clock. Which is great news, cuz that’s not a feeling I want to experience. I haven’t been hit by the marriage bug either. I do know what has hit me though. I want to be in a serious relationship, that will eventually lead to marriage in the next couple of years. Just not marriage at this time. I guess I’m just lonely, and would like to have someone around that I can share my thoughts, dreams, and other mundane day-to-day things that crop up. Some days I wonder what the point of marriage is (not often though), but lately I’ve realized that for the most part, its all about companionship. Ofcourse, there’s the procreation part, but that’s really secondary for me at the moment. ’Nuff of marriage, that’s a post for another day.
As for the pregnancy part, I know children are a blessing and all, but I’m just not ready to give up my butt-attached-to-the-couch life yet.
Mwari's thoughts, perceptions & experiences
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More book reviews…
Posted: September 4, 2007, 5:23 pm by mwari
I used to only read one book at a time, that is casual reading, non-academic. Recently, I have developed a new way of reading, whereby, I read about 5 books simultaneously. I read somewhere that you can tell alot about a person, and what is going on in their life, by simply examining what is on their [...]
Black Butterfly
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Ghosts from the Past
Posted: July 23, 2007, 10:52 pm by mwari
Sometimes when you least expect it, the past comes knockin’. This past week, I received a number of emails from people that I have not heard from in ages. One specifically, was a former primary school classmate, that I haven’t seen or heard from in almost two decades. I wouldn’t have known where to find her even if I had wanted to. She found me on graduates.com. Amazing! Her story and mine is quite interesting. Infact, I had probably erased her from my mind because of the person she was back in the day. She was probably the meanest person I had ever met in my life. The movie “mean girls” comes to mind, although in her case, she didn’t need a group to showcase her meaness; one of her was enough. I can rightfully say that some of my present day “self-esteem” issues may have been a result of her unkindness. In retrospect, I should probably thank her, because her meaness made me a better person.
Anyway, she sent me an email, first checking to see if I was the person she thought I was. When I opened my email, I was shocked, and then my shock became rage, as I remembered what I had had to endure back then. My unhappy thoughts almost overcame, but after a while I realized that its been too many years to still have this girl affect me. Jeez, how long does it take to forgive someone? So I wrote back, and we caught up. She’s been through a lot - both her parents passed away, and so did her brother. Made me completly grateful to have my family. So, we’re in contact; we’ll see how things go.
I then received two emails from my former law school classmates. It’s been four years since I last spoke or saw them. Time surely flies. Both are married, one is a mum, and the other is expecting one if a few months. Everyone’s career is progressing well. My conversations with them threw me in a loop. I felt like I’m the only one that’s not married and without kids. Granted my career is going well, but I’m the only one among them (and others that I learned off) that doesn’t have the hubby/wife and kids. It’s probably worse cuz there doesn’t even seem to be a prospect that I can grasp on. It’s pretty easy to see how somethings can result in a case of downward spiralling self-pity. I suppose these are just realities that I have to deal with. So much for catching up with pals.. but all in all, I’m grateful for where I am, who I am, and what I have. It could be a lot worse!
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Do it Anyway
Posted: July 17, 2007, 10:50 pm by mwari
I am not a country music fan, but the words to Martina McBride’s “Do it Anyway” have been such a comfort to me lately. I’ll just let the lyrics speak the words of my heart…..
Do it Anyway - Martina McBride
You can spend your whole life building something from nothing
One storm can come and blow it all away … build it anyway
You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way … dream it anywayGod is great, but sometimes life ain’t good
And when I pray it doesn’t always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway … I do it anywayThis worlds gone crazy and it’s hard to believe,
That tomorrow will be better than today … believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons
[Do It Anyway lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]And in a moment they can choose to walk away … love em anyway
God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good
And when I pray it doesn’t always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway … yeah, I do it anywayYou can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in
That tomorrow they’ll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway … yeah, sing it anyway yeah, yeahI sing … I dream … I love … Anyway
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Committment
Posted: July 12, 2007, 11:20 pm by mwari
I’ve had some time to think about myself, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not sure I know who I really am. But, I’m a work in progress…thank God for that! I can’t imagine if I didn’t have the “will” to make choices. I’ve realized that I’m not as good as I’d like to be when it comes to making a committment. I don’t mean the “relationship” type of committment, but the start something, face obstacles and challenges, persevere through the challenges, and be victorious. Maybe I should qualify that… there are certain things that I’m very committed to.. such as my career! But, I’m talking about self-improvement type of things. I can count on both hands and feet the number of projects/interests/hobbies that I’ve begun and not completed.
I’m always gang-ho when I start, but very soon the interest fizzles. It started out with piano lessons I really wanted to take when I was young. I only attended a couple of classes, and I thought, maybe I’m just not cut out to do this. Then I tried a hand at yoga, specifically, “ashtanga” yoga. That kicked my booti. My teacher was certifiably insane (physically). He pushed and pushed and pushed, until I broke. All I could think about was my couch is sooo missing me right now. So I quit (aargh!). Granted, everyone in my class was equally physically “insane” , I just felt like I had been dropped in the wide open ocean, without a lifejacket. But, I always find something else to do… i decided to test out my creativity (or lack of) skills in design.I’ve always had a serious fascination with fashion and interior design. Watching HGTV is my kinda high. Anyway, I took up some sewing classes, cuz I was convinced I could be the next Vera Wang… uum, maybe if i’d finished the classes… i’d have a shot. That too fizzled out. do you see a pattern? I do. So, I’m really trying to work on my non-committal issues.
This summer, I decided to make a list of things I’d like to do. I’ve realized I’m a list person. One of the things on my list was to read a certain # of books .. I’ve read a few, but I’m on reading hiatus at the moment. The other was to learn how to swim. I took swimming classes when I was young, but a mishap at one of the classes, almost resulted in me drowning (plus causing everyone else in my class to meet the same fate). Needless to say, I have a justifiable fear of the deep water. However, I must say my swimming classes were not naught. I can swim the basic strokes, breath underwater, etc., I just cannot swim in deep water. I figure if I stop and i can’t touch the ground, I will drown. One of my friends thinks this is an unachievable thing, as she says to me “it is impossible to drown. Your body rises when you go underwater, so you cannot technically drown.” To her i say, “pooh! you haven’t seen me inhale a gallon of water”. Anywhoo, so I decided to take an affirmative step to overcome my fear of the deep water. Today is day # 4 of swimming classes. Glad to report, I haven’t inhaled an insane amount of water.. just a cupful. I jumped into the deep pool, and I didn’t die, although I swam as fast as I could to the wall (hehe).
Moral of the story, is that since I have realized that I need to work on my committment issues, I am going to take this swimming business seriously. Classes are only two weeks, but by golly I will learn how to swim, I will not be afraid of the deep end, and I will stay afloat.
Blah blah blah
Fish cakes
Alas a fish cake.
Yet more fish cakes
Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.
The end of the fish cakes
