Items by misscaffeineaddict

make mine a double espresso...

• i see you... the lust factor...

  Posted: July 6, 2009, 6:30 pm by misscaffeineaddict

  
  
  
  i see you... the lust factor.
  
  I see you
  I see you, brother
  I see you... With your muscular frame, and your toned body, and your brown eyes
  those eyes that seem to see through the shell that is my body to my spirit
  those eyes that seem to see through my flesh to my soul
  those eyes that seem to read my thoughts and my fears and my desires and my hopes and my dreams...
  
  I see you
  I see you, brother
  I see you and that smile...
  that smile has got me melting to the ground ever so slowly
  it's got me wanting you so badly
  your smile has me gasping and sighing and thanking and praising God!
  for creating something so soothing and so moving
  it's got me thinking of 'we' and not just 'you' and 'me'...
  
  I see you
  I see you, brother
  I see you and those lips
  they have me running and tripping and sliding and falling for you so deeply
  Those lips, what is it about those lips that...
  Seem to be controlling my heart beat and my hormones and my adrenaline and my emotions...
  your lips have got me licking mine and thinking of how it would be worth my while if i got to have just a little time, with those lips...
  They've got me thinking of bodies clinging and heavy breathing and sweat trickling and me almost screaming...
  
  I see you
  I see you, brother
  I see you and that skin
  that skin that's got me wanting you to be my African King
  that skin that's got me wanting to be part of your kin-ship
  that skin that's got me wanting more than friend-ship
  that skin that's got me thinking of me and you having relations...
  Or maybe, being in a relation-ship
  that skin that's got me craving your touch
  your's is skin that got me wanting maybe too much
  it's got me wanting you... And then some
  more... Of... You...
  
  I see you
  I see you, brother
  I see you, watching me...
  What do you see?
  
  by yours truly...

• influence and inspiration (1)- Raphael Saadiq

  Posted: July 4, 2009, 7:37 pm by misscaffeineaddict

  
  
  
  if you don't know who this is...
  i don't even know...
  the musical genius behind tony toni tone, and lucy pearl
  the guy responsible for TIMELESS classics like anniversary, lay your head on my pillow and my favourite song ask of you.
  me and this song have had some history. i heard it first in the nineties, and i just liked the way it made me feel. i was younger than ten years of age and i remember feeling tingly... i didn't know what the name of the song was, i didn't know the name of the artist either...
  i heard it again in 2004, i was in a matatu* on my way home. i didn't get off at my stop because the song still wasn't over...
  i looked for that song for the next FOUR years and finally found it by accident on a friends computer. i cried!!!
  
  it's one of those songs that if a dude was ever to make me a mix tape, it should be the first track. it's the most played on my iPod, i play it when i'm in the shower, when getting dressed, before i sleep... and it still hasn't gotten old!!!
  
  i have listened to it now over 100 times and i still get that tingly feeling.
  that's good music.
  
  the awesomeness that is RAPHAEL SAADIQ...!

• This guy

  Posted: July 3, 2009, 6:45 pm by misscaffeineaddict

  Ummm... Yeah... So i like this guy. Ok, maybe. But it's not gonna work out. I'm mostly there and he's mostly here, then, there's history. Not history, history, let's just say we've done some things and some stuff... But yeah...
  Maybe i just think i like him. Or just the idea of him.
  I don't know.
  He's really cool. And goodlooking. :)

• dose of poetry...

  Posted: June 25, 2009, 1:11 pm by misscaffeineaddict

  
  letter from a contract worker - Antonio Jacinto
  
  I wanted to write you a letter
  my love,
  a letter that would tell
  of this desire
  to see you
  of this fear
  of losing you
  of this more than benevolence that i feel
  of this indefiable ill that pursues me
  of this yearning to which i live in total surrender
  
  I wanted to write you a letter
  my love,
  a letter of intimate secrets
  a letter of memories of you
  of you
  of your lips as red as henna
  of your hair as black as mud
  of your eyes as sweet as honey
  of your breasts as hard as wild orange
  of your lynx* gait
  and of your caresses
  such that i can find no better here
  I wanted to write you a letter
  my love,
  that would recall the days in our haunts
  our nights lost in the long grass
  that would recall the shade falling on us from the plum
  trees
  the moon filtering the endless palm trees
  that would recall the madness
  of our passion
  and the bitterness
  of our separation...
  
  I wanted to write you a letter
  my love,
  that you would read without sighing
  that you would hide from papa Bombo
  that you would withhold from mama Kieza
  that you would reread without the coldness
  of forgetting
  a letter which in all Kilombo
  no other would stand comparison...
  
  I wanted to write you a letter
  my love,
  a letter that would be brought to you by the passing wind
  a letter that the cashews and coffee trees
  the hyenas and buffaloes
  the alligators and grayling*
  could understand
  so that if the wind should lose it on the way
  the beasts and plants
  with pity of our sharp suffering
  from song to song
  lament to lament
  gabble to gabble
  would bring you pure and hot
  the burning words
  the sorrowful words of the letter i wanted to write you my love...
  
  I wanted to write you a letter...
  
  but oh my love, I cannot understand
  why it is, why it is, why it is, my dear
  that you cannot read
  and I - oh the hopeleness! -cannot write!
  
  
  lynx* : wild cat
  grayling* : fish

• Arusha Tales... weddings, older men and booze

  Posted: June 19, 2009, 11:53 am by misscaffeineaddict

  weekend headlines...
  so i'm sure i mentioned it before, after landing in nairobi saturday night, i flew out to arusha on sunday for a wedding (it was an S.D.A service) . my mom's collegue was tying the knot and our presence was apparently compulsory. i dragged my friend S with. if i was going down, i was gonna take some one with me.
  the service was terriblly long, despite us arriving 45 minutes late. it was in a half-constructed church, no windows, there was a killer breeze, i was wearing a white top, let's just say it got abit nipply. yes, nipply. after the killer service and the wholel bridal party walking out in slow motion, (there must have been 52 of them!), we finally get to go to the reception.
  
  >>fast forward>>>
  
  we are seated. still wondering when the food will be served. the company is good though. my friend S, three of my mom's collegues, and then another guy, i should call him man, another man joins us. he used to work with mom, a friend of the groom. i first met him when i was twelve. here i am nine years later thinking... hmmmm... he looks nice. this is some one i grew up calling uncle nani*. he was funny, and cool and he smelled good, a successful pilot. then, (insert horror flick sound track) he shows us pictures of his kids! i'm closer to them in age than i am to him! i figure he must be atleast thirty-eight. but still very well groomed and interesting etc, etc. i spent the rest of the reception trying not to pay too much attention to him, which was kind of difficult because he was sitting next to me.
  
  ...they guy must be around fourty. he's old enough to be my dad... but he's so goodlooking... when are we gonna get to eat... where the hell is the booze...
  
  those were my thoughts throughout the reception.
  we finally got to eat. it turns out there was no booze, it was so sad, the whole choir from the church was there so we kinda figured. we each had like five to six bottles of bavaria* which was actually pretty frothy so it was easier to pretend that it was apple flavoured beer.
  
  uncle nani was making me so nervous. the last ime i felt this way around a guy... i couldn't even remember. i was trying to act cool, praying i don't spill my drink, hoping my lustfull thoughts don't show on my face. constanly checking to see if my mom had caught on. looking back, it was hilarious!!! we talked about his work, my varsity life, his kids, when we would finally get to eat, etc etc.
  needless to say, we finally got lunch at around 6.00 pm.
  
  >>fast forward>>>
  
  after a few SoCoLimes* at the hotel's bar, we decided to go to the evening party. my mom found ou that it was open bar. all the churhc folk had gone home. it was time to party!
  we get there, there was an empty seat next to uncle nani. of course i sat there. it turns out the evening party was another reception. for the couple's cooler friends. the food was much better, so was the music, the bride was showing cleavage, when they slow danced, the groom was very openly feeling on his wife's booty...
  back to uncle nani, he was already tipsy, i wanted to see if i could get him to run his mouth, maybe he was interested as well. you can't blame a girl for being hopefull... it was fun. we talked, drank and laughed, we danced a little, you know, just normal wedding stuff.
  
  >>fast forward again>>>
  
  unlce nani and i were still talking. by now i was certain that i had a full blown crush on this man. i didn't want to do anything with him, given the wife and kids/ he's my mom's friend factor, but just liking him was exciting enough. you know what they say about forbidden fruit...
  
  ...maybe it's because i grew up without a dad... maybe it's because he's just a really cool, good looking, successful guy... maybe the wedding is really boring and he's a good distraction...
  
  either way, i had to stop myself from thinking to far. it was exciting!!! i had thought i was numb for the longest time, but uncle nani had single handedly managed to confuse me. *giggle*
  
  what is the worst thing a person can do to put you off? i'm sure what happened next wasn't the worst, but it came pretty close, given the circumstances.
  a tipsy uncle nani started lecturing me about God. not spirituality and living a holistic life... no. about God and Jesus and the gifts and fruits of the Holy Spirit. me and S couldn't believe it. and he went on for about half an hour.
  DUDE!!! WHAT THE HELL???
  needless to say my attraction towards him vanished within the first five minutes of the lecture.
  
  sigh...
  
  *unlce so and so
  *tanzania's version of alvaro/novida
  *southern comfort and lime

• highlights!!! 254 so far...

  Posted: June 16, 2009, 5:58 pm by misscaffeineaddict

  
  i only got home saturday night and flew to arusha the next day for a wedding... i finally got back home yesterday and i already have things to be excited about. Arusha was really cool.i'll save the details for another post.
  the highlights are as follows...
  
  - the rooftop party at the mall this past saturday. i didn't attend, the whole idea of over a thousand drunk mostly under age kenyans on a rooftop was too suspect for me. with all the collapsed buildings and fires that have made the headlines in our country, i passed. i did however go to the mall for dinner that night. waaay before the party started and the number of over-excited, skimpily-dressed kids being dropped of at the venue at 9pm by their parents was HILARIOUS!!!
  
  - the wedding at arusha had an evening party. the evening party had an open bar. nuff said.
  
  -we almost missed our flight back to nairobi because me, my mom and her crazy workmates were having a few at the airport bar... we then had more in the plane (my mom works for the airline) then had even more at the bar in jkia. awesome times!!!
  
  - i found a large, blue super sexy bag when i got home on saturday among other new things, (refer to picture) now that, is a sexy bag.
  
  -the unopened bottle of absolute vodka (vanilla) i'm saving for this weekend (refer to picture as well) hehehe!
  
  -being able to eat beef and goat meat for the first time in five months. beef is retardedly expensive in S.A and they don't sell goat meat.
  
  it's good to be back!!!

• Food, Shelter and Compliments...

  Posted: June 7, 2009, 1:15 am by misscaffeineaddict

  All a woman needs is: Food, Shelter and Compliments. And the occasional pair of shoes. -Chris Rock
  
  I have to admit. I loooooove getting complimented. Love it. We all crave attention. I spend time and cash getting my hair and nails did. You're Damn right i want you to tell me how good i look!
  
  But...
  There's guys who've hit on me and left me feeling insulted. The "hell would have long frozen over before i get with you" type of dude.
  You know...
  -the window cleaner at the grocery store with the torn overalls
  -the taxi driver. I don't even mean taxi cab, the matatu driver
  -the security guys on campus
  -the unattractive, close to a midget, drunk guy at the party
  -the guy who screwed up, (not screwed), i mean, really screwed up, one of your friends
  -the guy from the power company
  etc, etc.
  
  I know, i'm pleasant to look at but yuck. For the above, to try and hola, and be so crude about it... Talking about how my ass looks, or coming to my house. Are you freakin kidding me??? Of course i'm not going to give you my number! You're the freakin campus security guy! If i wanted to feel safe i'd have gone for a Jack Bauer impersonater. What, the most you've got is a flashlight and a walkie talkie? Ugh...
  
  I'm not trying to be a bitch or whatever. You can smile or say hello, i can be polite. I'll smile and say hey back. But don't be acting like you can get this. Okay? mr.window cleaner? With your bucket of soapy water... It's just offending.
  
  I'm having a stress filled couple of days, i'm halfway through finals, moving house this week, etc, etc. And You, mr. Campus Security Guy, are not helping!!!

• abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz...

  Posted: June 3, 2009, 5:54 pm by misscaffeineaddict

  
  IT'S CRUNCH TIME!!!!!
  i start my finals on friday, i leave for *nairobi* the week after that, i'm still looking for accommodation for next sem. my current landlady is robbing us blind!
  i am uber excited about the sixteen followers!!!
  
  thing is, i can't write anything useful until next week friday, when i'm done with my exams. i HAVE however thought of stuff to write about...
  
  1. the weird sci-fi/romantic dreams i've been having for the past two weeks
  2. the excitement of going home
  3. how i wish i could pre-scribe myself depression drugs
  4. how i miss my personal space and being able to walk around in my underwear
  5. i'm thinking, either a significantly older dude, or a younger dude
  6. i'm craving milk
  7. i'm trying not to become an emo, not the wearing black with pink accessories, but the being miserable ALL the time
  8. i can't stop thinking about HER. i can't stop thinking about HER either.
  
  yeah. i'll get back soonest!
  
  LIFE IS SHORT. STOP BEING SO UNGRATEFUL ALL THE GOD DAMN TIME!!! -katt williams.

• poetry break...

  Posted: May 25, 2009, 1:47 am by misscaffeineaddict

  my iPod's on loud -misscaffeineaddict
  
  in the dark
  in the silence
  shit comes back to me
  rejection, attempted over compensation
  drama, hurt, scars
  black outs at vague bars
  
  in the dark
  in the silence
  shit comes back to me
  cute bar tenders
  different coloured drinks
  things i did after johnnie, jack and jose
  herb smoked
  dirty minds
  dirty jokes
  dirty dances
  dirty everything
  
  in the dark
  in the silence
  shit comes back to me
  there's too many Damn thoughts
  about what i have and haven't done
  about being alone for two years and some
  about hating my reflection in the mirror
  about how the hell he could still be with her
  about religion, spirituality, life and mortality
  
  in the dark
  in the silence
  shit comes back to me
  Stupid voices in my head
  constantly tellin me i'm a mess
  right now... I couldn't care less
  that's why my iPod's on loud
  so i don't hear a thing
  when the voices start to shout

• Yellow pages...

  Posted: May 15, 2009, 7:36 pm by misscaffeineaddict

  
  I know you're thinking "huh?" I can't for the life of me remember the last time i saw someone use a phone book.....
  
  By yellow pages, i mean letting your fingers do the walking, you know... self servicing, handling oneself, D.I.Y (doing it yourself)... If you still haven't gotten it, either you have no access to the media, you're a super prude or you're very religious. Nah. Wait, even religious folk know what yellow paging is. They're strongly against it, but they know what it is...
  
  I was playing a game of 'i-never' with some friends a while back, one of the guys said "i never 'yellow paged' " , it was awkward for a few seconds then we all took huge gulps of our drinks. Translation: we had all yellow paged! Similar thing happened in my first year of varsity, only, not all of us took huge gulps of our drinks. I noticed that the one's who didn't happened to be from certain countries which made me for one, thank Kenyans for being so open minded... And two, wonder what the big deal was...
  
  If your religion doesn't permit you to you know... Use the directory, i get it, but otherwise, especially for those experiencing a dry spell, why stay on the verge of exploding from hormones when you can 'handle' (pun intended!) the situation yourself?
  
  I realise this is a controversial topic but again, i'm just a college girl who's drank too much instant coffee, (though recently i switched to tea) ranting. But hey, let's see what happens, if i get no comments on this note, i'll try refrain from such controversial topics. No. I lie! Ya'll can love it or love it!
  
  Ps, i'd like to thank my friend K, who gave me the 'yellow pages' metaphor.

• Cool dude... Turns out, he's not so cool.

  Posted: May 10, 2009, 12:03 am by misscaffeineaddict

  So i decided to wing it with cool dude who i met at the party over a month back. We hang out at my place, watched stuff, cuddled, bitched about school, it was cool. Nothing worth writing home about, but it was cool. Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. That's how long it lasted. We hang out on all three days. At some point, let's say about 11pm Wednesday, ALL the attraction i had towards him... GONE! Now, there's nothing i would want more than to expound on the events that led to that moment, but lets just say i've never been put off so quick.
  
  It's times like this i wish my diminishing bi-curious phase would graduate to bi-sexual. Then i'd have a plan B. He actually put me off men. Me. I've been going on about finding the rock where the one is hiding under and now, i'm like, no thanks. Dude put me off! I guess alcohol got the best of me before when i thought he was cool... Ugh.
  
  Something i read from one of my text books yesterday...
  Early adulthood (ages 21 to 34):
  -failure to achieve intimacy can lead to alienation and isolation.
  
  Maybe that's why i've been hiding out in my room this semester.
  
  :(

• Happy new month and things. :)

  Posted: May 3, 2009, 4:53 pm by misscaffeineaddict

  I went out again. Yesterday.
  
  I was actually guilt tripped into going out! It was okay. I just got home, (it's 12.36pm) i'm gettin to old for this sh*t. We crashed at a friends place after fruitless attempts to get high on whisky. My alcohol tolerance is affecting my budget in ways that... It's just a tragic story!
  
  The night was eventful... From the middle aged french, non-english speaking unattractive men who must have thought we were hookers at the rate they were sending (cheap) beer to our table and dry humping us on the dance floor before we ran away, to the portuguese lesbian who was hitting on my conservative-ish friend (that was HILARIOUS!), to the cool dude i met before at some party over a month ago talking of a having a relationship... With me... Word??? I went all psycho analyst on him and asked him to define all the words "girlfriend" "relationship" etc etc. That was fun... We'll see where that goes, to some chick (she was drunk), at our second location who was TRYING to hit on me. Key word: TRYING. She's such a rookie. Not that i know much on the topic, but if i was to hit on a girl, it Ummm... Wouldn't go like that. (Blame it on the...!) Oh... If you, (girl who tried to hit on me) are reading this, no hard feelings. to free shots... People were feeling generous... Then to the fruitless attempts to get drunk, which i mentioned before.
  
  I AM EXHAUSTED!
  
  Sitting on my bed sipping the oh so wonderfully awesome Kericho Gold waiting for my friend to come out of the shower so i can go rid myself of the overnight funk.
  I can't believe how tired i am! I wasn't even in heels!
  
  This was more like a diary entry.
  
  Happy new month!

• Of vampires and werewolves... Straight up delicious looking.

  Posted: April 28, 2009, 2:29 am by misscaffeineaddict

  
  
  I have now shamelessly watched 'twilight' FOUR TIMES!
  
  I didn't get romance movies and books before. The whole "he buried his head in her shuddering blossom while his throbbing..." wasn't appealing at all. However, intense expressions of hurt and betrayal, the anxiety at the prospect of losing one's beloved and the seemingly undying love, i get that now. I get ALL of it. Hence watching twilight four times and finishing the book series (twilight, new moon, eclipse and breaking dawn) in one week. They were really good. And no, Stephanie Meyer- that would be the author, isn't paying me for the marketing!
  
  After finishing the books, i couldn't help but want a vampire and/or werewolf that's crazy over me. In the books, vampires are creatures that do the whole soul mate thing... Even though some of them had to wait decades to find their true love. (Awww...) werewolves on the other hand 'imprint' when they meet the one. They know. Suddenly, the world makes sense, gravity practically changes, the person becomes your world. I think it's just amazing. I did a note on intense type love a sometime back. I would mind if some rogue vampires or whatever wanted to kill me. I want that kind of love. Another plus was, in the movie, the guys who played Edward Cullen (vampire) and Jacob Black (soon to be werewolf) were just straight up delicious looking. If you haven't seen the movie... Stop reading this. Go watch it. Go watch it now.
  
  It would be much simpler. We wouldn't have to go through unnecessary drama, awkward dates, heartbreak and unpleasant sex (ugh...) you'd just meet the one and know. How AWESOME (for lack of a better word) would that be? A fatal attraction. Plus apparently they're good in the sack...
  
  I want my own! So if there's any of ya'll out there. The "cold ones" or the "descendants of wolves"... Hola at me!
  
  Oh. Some of my friends were hating on the movie because it wasn't as detailed as the book. The movies never are... But it helps when the actors are mad fine. Hehehe...
  
  Just in case ya'll missed the point... (mbithi) the emphasis is on the type of love these mythical creatures posses. The fact that they're goodlooking is just gravy!

• Ugh...

  Posted: April 24, 2009, 9:09 pm by misscaffeineaddict

  I went out for a bit yesterday. It was gloomy and i'd been indoors all day. I had to get out of the house. I went and had a few too many with friends, then Ummm... I had an experience that's so not worth writing about. So not. Ugh... Why'd i even bother... I'm now back at home, in bed. I'm not going out for another month. Maybe two. I'll wait till i get home. Clubbin... Among other things (let your mind wander) is soooo overrated.
  
  In other news. I make my own iced tea and yeah. It's pretty amazing.

• Women... Can't live without em...

  Posted: April 20, 2009, 11:35 pm by misscaffeineaddict

  Friday afternoon, there's a power black out, me and L do the sensible thing, getting fast food and passing by the liqour store on the way home. There was a queue at the store coz of the black out (trust varsity students always make an appearance at the liqour store) and who joins in after us??? A! A is the hot lesbo freshman i'm sure i've mentioned in previous posts. How nervous was I??? Here's this girl i've only talked to thrice, but HotDAMN! Hehehe... I'm still giggling.
  
  I like men. Looooove men. Guys are hot. Well the hot one's are... But this chick is so cool. All nonchalant, acting like she doesn't know how much she confuses girls. She is so hot. So back to friday, the queue was moving so slowly and although she was on the phone for like a third of the time, (i wasn't counting minutes or anything) She starts talking to L and i got to squeeze like five words into the conversation. *great success*
  
  I know it's not a big deal, but considering i haven't felt that excited around a dude in months, figured it was worth sharing.
  
  Caffeineaddict over and out.
  
  Ps, i'm trying out this new tea. It's called "kericho gold" awesome stuff! I know i said i'd never diss ketepa, but this new tea is the shit!

• Proverbs on women and traditional things...

  Posted: April 18, 2009, 5:27 pm by misscaffeineaddict

  I was reading this book, "source of all evil" by Mineke Schipper. It's basically african proverbs and sayings on women. They're really old school, think villages, traditional dances, bear breasts, kola nuts, clitoridectomy, earthenware plates, thatched roofs, co-wives, etc. Etc. Reading the book clearly took me back. Interesting how many of them can still be applied to... well, today.
  Here's some of my favourites...
  
  1. Women and sky cannot be understood (gikuyu, kenya)
  
  2. Pluck the pumpkin, you must take the leaves. (tonga, zambia)
  - no woman is without baggage, be it from past relationships, or pain in your ass relatives.
  
  3. What a girl wants, she'll get an any price (rwanda, rwanda)
  
  4. No girl ever died without being told "turn my way" (rwanda, rwanda)
  - summary, no girl, Lemmi rephrase that, every girl gets hit on by someone. Be it a one-eyed, nasty looking smelly dude with a wierd fashion sense, every girl gets hit on by someone.
  
  5. Better a short penis that sleeping alone (baule, ivory coast)
  - this one's... Self explanatory.
  
  6. Woman is like a shadow. Go to her, she flees. Leave her, she follows you. (luba, zaire : somali, somalia)
  -chicks always want the ones who play hard to get.
  
  7. Women are like gourds; they cannot balance. (gikuyu, kenya)
  - women are unstable.
  
  I'll add more. Again, it's a really good book.

• Ready for Love... Or whatever the urban youth are calling it these days.

  Posted: April 9, 2009, 4:14 am by misscaffeineaddict

  I have been single for longer than i'm proud of. Between getting over my ex, hating men, fearing commitments, one night stands, being a love sceptic and my bi-curious phase, i guess looking for love, or atleast embracing anything close to it wasn't on my to do list.
  
  Now i find myself craving something more. I want the whole nervous when i get to meet his momma, head spinning, pulse racing, nervous sweating, feet pacing, mindless rambling, hand holding, phone calling, photo taking, love making type thing. I want that.
  
  I want to meet him. Progress. I didn't say him or her this time. Yeah. Him. The one who'll make life a bit more pleasant, and make me a mix tape, (or atleast a play list on his ipod) the one who i talked about in my 'i want mine' post,
  i'm in the middle of a potentially good movie. I'll get back to this soon.
  
  The movie was cool. I thought it was. 'the great debaters' denzel washington is timeless...
  
  Back to the post. I guess i wouldn't want or crave intimacy as much if i was home. I have an almost disfunctional relationship with my close friends. We are extremely close so i never noticed the void when they were around. We just had mad fun times, and we'd hate on other couples. They're single too. Go figure.
  
  I just want something of substance. Something intense. I'm forgetting what it felt like. The whole being in love deal. It's not cool.
  
  *Sigh*

• Melancholy...

  Posted: April 7, 2009, 11:53 pm by misscaffeineaddict

  Loneliness...
  After weeks of locking myself in my room during the day, ignoring phone calls and text messages, only drinking at home, though now i'm down to not drinking at all and watching and re watching all the movies i have on my hard drive... I'm tired. I'm bored. I'm so freakin lonely... It's pathetic.
  
  Everyone goes through one of these phases right? I'm just kinda tired of the people around me. I'm tired of how nothing's changing, life seems to be passing me by, in fast forward, changes i wanted to make about myself... From three years ago, i'm still unable to.
  
  I'm lying in bed. Watching already watched episodes of "the war at home" full from the large pizza i made disappear(it was healthy though, it had pineapple), on a tuesday night, at 8.00 pm during my mid semester break. How dull is that...
  
  Maybe it's my melancholia taking it's toll. Ugh. I'm just tired. And bored. And lonely. It sucks.

• two freakin years (spoken word)

  Posted: March 19, 2009, 4:19 am by misscaffeineaddict

  This one's for that guy, who made me cry,
  and wish i,no,wish HE would die.
  The ex lover,the under cover brother,
  the reason for my hangover,and please call me when i'm sober...
  
  It Rhymes with Larry, who i thought i would marry,
  who's baby i would carry but we were in 2 much of a hurry...
  
  I used to on some rnb tip...
  &i hate how much i love you boy...
  Forgettin How played me like some toy
  how i wrote songs about him bringing me joy... Shit.
  
  saw him a while back,
  couldn't breathe like some sorta asthma attack,
  so he texted me,told him i'd call back.
  Remembered his old ringtone,some mushy track.
  
  Realised with that call,how i was so apauld,
  how i would never fall, let alone stall...
  For his Shit at all.
  
  See i used to fight with my pathetic might to get him gone from my mind to try put him behind...
  Me.
  stupid&naive me,i couldn't see he had come to be,
  the weakness in me.
  Singing songs like
  ...why do you come near...
  followed by drying my tears
  not gettin over him for TWO FREAKIN years.
  
  One day, he came over, and tried to get closer,
  pity i was still sober, he did get some...
  Cold shoulder
  followed by you can't stay longer...
  
  Damn.This dude was tricky
  tryna be all up in me, tisha and vicky,
  comin to my house with a hicky, thinking we was gonna get... Sticky...
  
  See our love, was like pitchin a tent, the beginnin was...
  Let me be patient... Let me be kind...
  Then it moved to
  I'm gonna get violent, and lose my mind...
  Now i'm at ease, i found peace and after this rant it'll finally change to,
  i will be silent... I've put him behind.

• Kiss me on my neck- Erykah Badu

  Posted: March 16, 2009, 11:55 pm by misscaffeineaddict

  I want somebody to walk up behind me... And kiss me on my neck and breathe, on my neck
  I want somebody to walk up behind me... And kiss me on my neck and breathe, on my neck
  
  Been such a long time, i forgot that i was fine... Just kiss me on my neck and breathe, on my neck
  
  I want somebody to walk up behind me... And kiss me on my neck and breathe, on my neck
  
  if you want to feel me, better be divine
  bring me water, water for my mind
  give me nothing, breathe love in my air
  don't abuse me, coz these herbs are rare
  
  if you want to feel me baby, better be divine...
  Bring me water for these flowers growing out my mind
  give me nothing, just be gentle, breathe love in my air...
  Use me, don't abuse me love me, coz these herbs are rare...
  
  
  I know it's old school but i LOVE this song.

• my knee, schoolwork, naturopathism, rastafariansm, party at the garage, writing, the mother...

  Posted: March 11, 2009, 5:52 pm by misscaffeineaddict

  clearly from the title i have alot to write about today, the title is like bullet points so that i don't miss anything out. okay, i popped my knee a crazy one last week thursday. we went for a few drinks, danced abit then pop! me knee cap (or whatever, i'm not in med school) popped out of it's socket (or whatever, i'm not in med school) the pain was of epic proportion. so there i was, on the floor in the middle of the pub, when it happens you can't stand up, crying really loudly, my friends trying to figure out if i fell coz i'm drunk... i took a cab home, called my mother, wept on the phone, went to hospital the next day. apparently, i need surgery coz the problem has been going on for a while. but they (medicine folk always say you need surgery right) so i am now in a beige coloured knee brace, limping around campus. fun stuff!!!
  
  on to other things, my schoolwork, i only have four modules to this semester so i've been cutting class more than i'm proud of. all of that was going to change from this week but my being knee brace won't let me go to school. i've been- what's the expressin for broke? dead broke; piss broke; ummm... dirty broke? (your comments better have answers!!!) so i've been really broke for the past couple off days coz of the hopsital bill and the stupid BEIGE KNEE BRACE! so i couldn't afford a taxi to school no, not cab, a taxi. a matatu. yeah, they're called taxis here. so here i am in the comp lab downloading slides to lectures i've missed hoping that i have good grades by the end of the semester. oh. and yz, i know you'll read this soon, i hope you've been signing me in for sp201... other wise, chop chopped and screwed... sigh...
  
  oh yeah, the naturopathism. so on friday, my landlady, bless her heart picked me up and took me to hospital. i had no idea where it was and i couldn't walk so clearly... on the way there she was talking about how she doesn't to modern medicine and she's more into herbs and stuff and she used to own a health shop and how nature is the best way to treat the body... it went on for a while, then she got into life coaching stuff and energy stuff and how the brain affects the body and certain injuries are an indication of what's bugging us mentally like how if you get a tongue sore, there's something you're keeping in and you need to speak out about it, etc, so apparently me hurting my leg was because there's something i'm supposed to be doing or accomplishing that i'm not... of course it got me thinking but come on, we all have stuff we're supposed to be doing right? i'm really curious about the whole naturopath thing, something new to try out so i'll try get books and stuff. i'll let ya'll know how that goes.
  
  the rastafarian point won't be long. i was thinking of trying out the rasta thing, as in the religion again... but i really love meat, and alcohol, and menthol cigarettes and spices so... i'll look for something else...
  
  there was a party at my house this weekend. it was lame, so me and the cool side of the house decided to go back to my room, which used to be part of a garage by the way but it's totally legit now plus i get a garage door. (yaay!) so cool people plus a bottle of tequila, a bottle of gin, really cool music... and more cool people coming in... come on... of course it became a party. it kicked ass, before we moved it to the club, you know, coz we're cool, but that was a good look for me. the cool party was in my room. score!!! i'd upload pictures but nah... i'd probably get into trouble ;)
  
  this writing thing... i hadn't written poetry in ages. everything was just sounding random but i'm working on it. this last bit is more for me. i'm telling myself everything will be alright. i haven't lost is. i've got some ideas. watch this blog!
  
  finally. just thought i'd mention that my mom is really really cool. she's also having a problem with her left leg... we're like so telepathic!!! i miss her. she's awesome... if you don't know, now you know niggas!!! (watched notorious recently, can't get that line out of my head) that and... i love it when you call me big poppa!

• I want mine

  Posted: March 3, 2009, 3:43 am by misscaffeineaddict

  Lunch dates
  Movies
  Fries and a shake
  Hold the fries, i'll just have the shake
  Late night phone calls
  Countless text messages... Or wall posts
  Cute smiley faces :) ;) :*
  Sleepovers
  Scrub my back, i'll scrub yours
  I want mine
  Good and bad times
  The missed calls
  Dates
  Rainchecks on dates
  Cuddling indoors when it rains
  Holding hands
  Making love
  Multiple orgasms
  Drunk sex- Don't judge
  I want mine
  Making out at the movies
  Picnics at the beach... Wait. Nah. I don't really like the beach
  Massages
  Exchanging letters
  Going for concerts...
  And poetry readings...
  And rap battles
  He'd play an instrument
  I'd recite poetry
  He would be my melody
  Billions of people in the world.
  I want one.
  Who'll give me mine.

• You know i'm crazy right...?

  Posted: March 2, 2009, 11:32 pm by misscaffeineaddict

  I'm the crazy bitter girl in the movies/tv shows...
  You know, the one who over analyses stuff and is always looking for the negative qualities in men, frowning on other relationships and refusing to commit because mr. Right doesn't exist. Nothing within a 10 mile radius of mr. Right exists... Sigh. Well there's been some improvement. I don't frown anymore. Not externally anyway.
  
  Considering the past two years' events, i'm thinking maybe i'll be the bitter passive aggressive single girl for ever. The one whos' friends are asking why they're still single. I used to see that on tv happening to old... Well girls who are way out of their twenties, but here I am, sophomore year and a friend of mine (here's hoping that she never reads this. I knew i should have remained anonymous!) was asking about the last time i dated, and where my love interest is and talking about how i should get a man.
  
  For the past year, i was still still solving personal issues so i knew that's why i was still single. This is the part i, over share... Again... See, i had esteem issues (don't we all) and i didn't want a man to tell me how awesome i am, he could confirm the awesomeness that i was already sure of. I realise i'm drifting so Ummm... Back to topic. Now i'm no where near near perfect and i'd be open to the idea of eating but every dude who tries to hola has an issue. Nothing like a third nipple or hair on his palms... I just get put off by the tiniest things. I have a really low opinion of guys right now.
  
  I took a break from writing this. You know, just to make sure i wasn't going out on a limb with this muse.
  
  There's this freshman. That's all i can say about her. I don't know who might be reading this stuff. I don't need coz drama from school. So yeah. This girl. She's very attractive... And very gay. But it's hot. It's hot that she's a dyke. Not that i get off on that type of thing, it's hot that she knows what she wants. I have no idea what i want... I'm not tryna figure out whether i like guys or girls. God knows i like me some... Mr. Man, but what i want in a man... Clueless. I know exactly what i DON'T want, but i can't keep eliminating what i don't want... It's a really long list. So now what do i do? Ugh... Now i'm rambling...
  
  More of my extinct love life... Or like life... Or even lust life coming up...
  
  Still sighing.
  
  Ooh Ooh, i went grocery shopping today so i get to make a salad for supper:) i make KILLER SALAD!

• Saturday Morning

  Posted: February 28, 2009, 2:55 pm by misscaffeineaddict

  Usually. I'd still be in bed hangover or just too tired to function... Not today! I'm up doing my laundry and watching south park. I'm up! Oh happy day! Great stuff! I totally didn't get drunk last night.
  
  I was thinking of changing the name of this blog to 'the rantings of a borderline college drunk' but hey! Progress! Next time i'll promise to write about something meaningful. I'll try.

• Breaking the habit... Or maybe not :(

  Posted: February 25, 2009, 1:43 pm by misscaffeineaddict

  *sigh*
  you know it's gonna be good when i start my post with a sigh...
  So last year, freshman year, second semester, i got tired of being away from home, everything in this town just got to me and i got stuck in a rut. At first i tried to down my problems away with you know... Jack, Johnny and Jim... That only worked until i got broke (student budget blues) my other option was to disappear.
  I wasn't at home so i couldn't disappear disappear. I just went to my room and only came out to pee, shower and collect my pizza from the delivery guy. It was the middle of the semester but clearly. Yeah. So i spent weeks in my room watching laptop, pitying my self, i was beyond crying myself to sleep. I'd just drink. You know... Cheap vodka. I only grew a sad excuse for a spine when my final exams were coming up coz i knew i'd be home in a month.
  This year... Sophomore year. I'm almost sure about what i'm studying. Or so i think... And i know if i work i can kick ass but i'm thinking maybe it's starting again. I cut class today. I was up till 4am drinking milk and watching 'the war at home' so i just decided not to go. I feel terrible. I had issues with my registration so i already missed a couple of lectures. Tests are starting next week but i'm still in bed trying to figure out if something is bothering me. Ugh... I don't know what to do. I'm all for grabbing my problems by their balls but i don't know what this one is... Or if it has balls for that matter
  *sulk*
  
  Progress... I was in close proximity to the bar yesterday, ten minutes to happy hour and no. I didn't go. Yaay me.

• VODKA IS FROM HELL!!!

  Posted: February 21, 2009, 1:36 am by misscaffeineaddict

  Second worst hangover in my life ever! I feel terrible, the last thing i remember from this morning is a bottle of vodka. Cheap non-friendly, it's all college kids can afford vodka.
  See, we went out last night. After me NOT planning to go out. Actually i was there by 5pm(happy hour) we left at 3am. Drunk. But good drunk. I remember getting home, talking to the housemates, there's like 10 of us but we make it work. Then the vodka. I finally woke up at 3pm. Was filled in buy the one chick who was actually smart enough to stay sober. (i wanna be like her when i'm older) that we ran around the house, finished a whole loaf of bread and a tray of egg, i fell of my bed at some point, we were cursin each other out. You know, typical drunken stuff. But the hangover's a bitch today! My stomach feels like... I don't even... I can hear it fizzing. Fizzing! Dude. It's the most unpleasant thing ever. I can't eat anything, i'll definately throw up. Ugh... Bad vodka! Bad!

• Skinny girls have more fun!

  Posted: February 18, 2009, 2:31 am by misscaffeineaddict

  I think i've gone down a jeans size. Either that or my jeans are expanding. I want to believe the former is the reason why my jeans are falling. I discovered coz i wasn't wearing a belt... Lets just say people saw a little more of me than they should have at the bus stop... No worries. I have a cute tush. When i get tired of moaning about my weight, i'll stop but for now i'm on it!
  Skinny girls have more fun. They can wear whatever they want and not worry about bumps or folds or whatever. Cute little sun dresses and cocktail dresses don't look too cute in L or XL or God forbid XXL. When they get wasted their friends can carry them to the car. They can wear bikinis... I could go on. I've spent more time than i'm proud off thinking about how awesome life would be if i was skinny.
  Thing is, i have a pretty face. If i had hot body to match, that would just be crazy awesome. Woe unto the random looking dude who tries to hola... And i know that eating is the new not eating, but i'm so sticking to not eating till the next time i get wasted i too can be carried to the car by one person... Without him risking back injury :)
  speaking of getting wasted... I'm thinking of going on an alcohol hiatus... Maybe a month. But that's a post for another day. Later people.
  Ps. Great to see there's more people reading this stuff. Thieeenx!

• I don't know... I refuse to be a sucky blogger/bloggist!

  Posted: February 16, 2009, 11:15 am by misscaffeineaddict

  It's been a while. I'm gonna get serious about this writing thing... i know it's more like sharing my random thoughts, but yeah. I was lying in bed last night thinking about people and what they're into and how they get better at what they do... I'm clearly doing nothing about this writing thing. I can't remember the last time i wrote... Or read poetry. I've read two really good books in the last month both african writers and real life stories... I know lack of inspiration has something to do with it but still... I'm gonna work on it. Before i lose it to. I used to paint, really well for a seven year old, when i was seven... And i lost it (sob) i appreciate pictures, but words are me. My thing... So yeah. This post is really vain. Nothing about the world around me. Just me. Yeah.
  
  P.s... The weight loss thing. I haven't lost anymore... Sucks balls. My kitchen (at school) is still being fixed so Ummm... We have to do fast food for another week. Then yeah. I'll get back on that wagon.

Blah blah blah

Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes