Items by luke

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• The Follies Of Old Leadership

  Posted: May 4, 2008, 6:55 pm by luke

  ONLY BRAND NEW LEADERSHIP AND BRAND NEW IDEAS CAN SAVE KENYA
  
  Friday’s formation of the Government’s minimum wage committee was the second strongest signal yet sent to a growing number of right thinking and increasingly concerned Kenyans that the current leadership governing the affairs of the country does not represent the much anticipated change and desired break from the past old school of political thinking.
  
  Are you really serious that we need another committee? What is it going to do other than turn stones that have already been turned in the past in the name of finding out how to improve the welfare of the Kenyan labourer?
  
  The creation of this committee does not in anyway represent the radically different approach to governance Kenyans had hoped this monstrous 42 member “grand” coalition Government would adopt in restoring the dashed hopes many of us still feel after the post elections fiasco and at a time when the worlds problems are knocking on our door in the form of food crisis, soaring fuel prices, housing market collapses and credit crunches
  
  But this is how “old” leadership thinks; instead of commissioning immediate emergency relief assistance to millions of people bearing the brunt of modern life's crisis and the disasters of nature, they assault their citizenry by hitting them over the head with a leadership style that lays the responsibility of progress and survival on anyone but those elected to lead.
  
  In Zimbabwe old architect of past decay President Mugabe is mastering the art of assaulting by leading a dangerous cavalry charge against the clear outspoken will of a whole nation representing the determined voice of an international community unyielding in their wish to see the back of Bob for good.
  
  This is the stigma that old leadership bears with it. Likewise, the time to form committees to address levels of corruption or measure the plight of the Kenyan worker or even air the grievances of prison warders is long over. There is no escaping the need for a embracing a steep reformist agenda-did the leaders we campaigned for in 2007 know the type of leadership we were serious about having in 2008?
  
  ARE WE LOSING OUR WAY AS A NATION
  
  How i long for bygone days when the then enigmatic local government minister late Karisa Maitha would bulldoze his way into a local town council and take immediate action against errant council workers, forcing them to mend their errant ways. During his stint as local government minister he even exorcised the dead in the name of sacking shady ghost employees scourging our local town councils of millions of Kenyan shillings
  
  Even current environment minister John Michuki had his day in the sun when he rectified overnight the anomaly of the matatu menace that sadly returned to plague our roads with a vengeance after his stint at the ministry of transport was over. In 4 years, current transport minister Chirau Mwakwere is yet to accomplish even half of what Michuki did in his tenure
  
  Those of you who are a little older may remember the famous crime buster Shaw now deceased. Here was a man who did not fear to tread where the criminal elements dominated. In his time the criminal elements of our society were shaken to their very core and his methods of operation were known to be effective, evoking fear in the hearts of the criminal underground. Where are such men of leadership and action nowadays?
  
  Where are the men and women who will stem the tidal wave of corruption that is rooted in our systems and institutions? Where are the leaders who will inspire our nation to restore its lost green city in the sun status? Where are the men and women who will show the way when it comes to shunning tribalism?No wonder the whole of Kenya is groaning under a lead weight of hopelessness-we've lost our way and direction as a nation.
  
  If we have lost our way as a nation (we need a path-finding committee to help us find our way (sic)) then now more than ever before we need brand new leadership and brand new ideas to get Kenya back on the right track. Age is but a number, and old dogs can learn new tricks if they want, but complacency and incompetence will not stand.
  
  Time for change was yesterday. Any good new ideas being suggested today must be acted upon immediately and without fear or hesitation. I for one welcome Chris post yesterday "Lies, Lies" check out the comments section which is filled to the brim and overflowing with positive ideas from urxlnc, chris, mrembo, wanjiku, and infinite annons all willing to contribute to making this nation great once more
  
  Luke's Top 4 most popular Kenyan stories on the web right now
  

  1. Lies, Lies

  2. Mombasa-not always a clean haven
  
  3. Perils of love reduced to size
  
  4. Why do Kikuyu women have a weakness for Luhya men?
  
  sign in to the domo chat room now and chat with Kumekuchans from around the world. just enter a username at the bottom of this page or on your right at the end of the ads on the side of this page and start chatting

• Changing Hearts Winning Minds

  Posted: April 26, 2008, 12:36 pm by luke

  There is a saying that goes “the winner takes all, loser gets nothing” This saying is usually true, but as with all ordinary laws of logic, it fails to apply in our local politics. Watching all 3 political contenders of last years elections tour the vast rift valley landscape this week as part of their peace rally agenda leaves one wondering what the fuss in 2007 was all about?
  
  Just who exactly were the real losers if all three are now in Government? The answer of course is you and I the electorate; however, if a tiny 14 seater Nissan can comfortably accommodate 30-40 crammed commuters, why can’t the government of Kenyan play host to all 3 plus 40 others in cabinet?
  
  Well, the former leader of official opposition and current deputy prime minister and minister for trade set the pace last year for what was to come in 2008 when he absconded his constitutional role as head of opposition, vowing that his party must be in the next (current) government and jumping ship accordingly into the party of national unity yatch.
  
  The loser yet again was Kenyans yearning for an opposition that gave an alternative to the Government of the day. The more things change the more they remain the same
  
  PROTOCOL IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER
  Ordinarily, protocol wars such as those witnessed this week can be fought and easily won or lost on the basis of following simple chain of command structure, but as Taabu said earlier this week its easier to legislate bureaucratic structure than it is to legislate the will of the people.
  

  In the hearts and minds of the vast majority of Kenyans (both IDPs and non-IDPs), protocol is in the eye of the beholder, and based on who they voted for respect will be given not taken by force. Unfortunately in life we don’t always have it the way we want, so all 3 party bigwigs made it to government and are represented in the makeup of the current coalition so we are spoilt for choice over whom to pay homage to
  

  Under current circumstances, it’s easier to retell the past than it is to predict the outcome of our future. What is certain is that the current politics of the day shaping up and taking centre stage is neither about development nor negative ethnic bashing but it seems the era of winning over the hearts and minds of millions of Kenyans is here.
  
  This is being done by convincing them to play along with the current uncomfortable yet too familiar script in which yesterday’s sworn enemies are today’s best friends-for the sake of national unity of course-keep your friends close but your enemies closer.
  
  Vice President Musyoka is engaged in a battle royale to convince the masses not to brand him a political turncoat. In his own aloof way President Kibaki’s daunting task is to somehow convince all Kenyans to forget the past and act as if nothing happened. Meanwhile the Prime Minister is left with the onerous task of convincing the government he is not a third step in the ladder.
  
  Of course Kenyans are not buying any of it, but nevertheless the job at hand is to win over our hearts and change our minds so that we can play along to the tune of a new Kenya that is before us.
  
  PRAY FOR KENYA
  Folks, its a fragile unity we share today. Stormy waters unchartered that currently lie ahead include the making of a new constitution and rehabilitating the economy. Now would be a good time to believe in God and his power to deliver miracles ala Joseph the prince of Egypt or Moses and the red sea. Spare a minute or two and pray for Kenya
  
  
  The 4 most popular stories in Kumekucha right now
  
  1. Kalonzo or Raila who is boss
  
  
  2. Sam okello on the traitor
  
  3. IDPs are pawns in political game
  
  4. Backstabbing ODM mois secret hand
  
  Is Kumekucha in the new domo chat room chatting right now?you never know! Find out by signing up at the bottom of this page or on your right at the end of the ads on the side of this page
  

• Vision Microscope Exam

  Posted: April 18, 2008, 8:54 pm by luke

  ONLY BRAND NEW LEADERSHIP AND BRAND NEW IDEAS CAN SAVE KENYA
  
  
  Teaching 41 Old "Somethings" New Tricks
  
  Its vision time and its raining visions in Kenya. no need for an umbrella though; cheaper words that won't come to pass have never been spoken especially from the mouth of ruling elite-sample this for starters;

  "build democratic institutions"

  
  
  "government will draw inter-ethnic policy"
  
  
  "make nairobi 24 hours city"

  To the naked untrained eye we're back in campaign season again and no promise is good enough to make for the ears of gullible Kenyans. At the end of it all smile please,we'll be in the year 2030

  THE PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING

  According to PNUs vision 2030, over the next 22 years (presumably under the current incumbent President and Premier upto...?) starting 2008, nationwide development will be doled out in spoonfuls of 5 year periods,culminating in the year 2030 when our country will be a newly industrialized "middle income nation providing high quality life for all its citizens"

  No need to be reminded we were once at par with Malaysia and Singapore "Asian Tigers"-that tired old record is scratched toa hio-however the similarity ends there in nostalgia. 45 years of going in all directions butthe right one means we're mark timing lost time since yesterday. Today will do just fine, though not if the current G.C.government like previous successive regimes will lack integrity and real hands on leadership.
  No need for history lessons here but mention the name Singapore and think of Kuan Yew in duo, the name Malaysia think of Mahatir; mention Kenya and think of...well,will the vision 2030 duo of PM Odinga and President Kibaki do the trick? our history is still being written and time will tell
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  BIG SHOES TO FILL
  If its hard to beat a winning act following in the shoes of your predecessor, it must equally be hard to break new ground and build a brighter future where no precedence has been set before. Kenya has never had a sitting prime-minister and President at the same time in our history-recipie for success or disaster?
  
  As far as visions are concerned,dreams and ideas are good and come flying a million a second but lethargy and lack of political will are bound to kill any dream no matter how much colour it has.Nonetheless even the almighty God's wisdom cannot deter our politicians who from both sides of the divide will continue to seek prayers for divine intervention, asking God that we wake up in Utopia when its not yet even Uhuru.
  
  Now that the race for State House and the battle for Cabinet Porto-folios is over, the war against poverty, chronic unemployment, institutionalised corruption,unequitable resource distribution has been raging on all the while unabated. Its only when we stop in-fighting(read negative ethnicity) we see the forest from the trees and few are the plates of ugali set to increase on our tables this year if any at all-22 years is not far, wait your turn pumbavu wewe

  The rescue operation has started and the heat is on- the common man's voice via sauti ya Kumekucha is the unofficial "opposition" and public watchdog

  sasa tuendelee na style nzuri please

• Vision 2012: We Don’t Care Who Leads As Long As Our Nation Is Corrupt Free

  Posted: April 12, 2008, 1:11 pm by luke

  ONLY BRAND NEW LEADERSHIP AND BRAND NEW IDEAS CAN SAVE KENYAThe clarion call of vision 2012 is not as far-fetched or falsely premised on procrastination as some have suggested-after all, aren't we all in agreement that Kenyans deserve new and better leadership-we're worth it are we not?
  Someone tell me - was it wrong for Chris in his Thursday post entitled "Most Kenyans Want Fresh Elections" to suggest that we should get rid of all leaders that have a fanatical following on both sides of the political divide-including President Kibaki and Prime Designate Minister Odinga? These two principals now have shadows looming larger than life, and their stature towers over the political landscape, fighting for a place with the very air in our breathing space. For those of us mere mortals who are dwarfs lower down in the food chain, we eagerly await scraps of meals falling down from the table to come our way-apparently this years left-over’s are going to be 3%-3.5% GDP. The president and prime minister have become the new Lex Luthor and Superman of our time (read into that whatever you want-I didn't support either from the start),and their kryptonite which is also ours is N-e-g-a-t-i-v-e e-t-h-n-i-c-i-t-y
  The problem now is these two archenemies appear locked in a bitter age old rivalry which far supercedes everything else including the welfare of our country-is that right?When these two elephants fight the sun is blocked from view and all the fish in the fish market die
  BELLING THE CAT
  So what are the ingredients for vision 2012? The recipe entails one big corruption free national cake, 210 fresh idea-totting- imperfect MPs, one unbreakable law in the name of constitution, punishments for breaking the law without fear or favour, and independent, effective public institutions. The missing ingredient? one word....Unity.
  In 2012 the prize of a nation’s heart will belong to a new breed of leadership that succeeds in achieving everything that current old leadership has failed to do in 2008, namely to unite people in this country. Is it any wonder our standards are falling from KNEC to ECK because we’re divided? Conversely united we’ll stand
  Real leadership will stand the severe strains of uniting 40 million people from 42 different tribes without breaking at the test of portfolio balance in public appointments, equal and transparent resource distribution, and of course integrity
  OUT WITH THE OLD IN WITH THE NEW
  The choice in this matter lies squarely in the hands of ordinary people such as you and me. 5 years is not a long time, but if wishes were horses’ beggars would live in Grand Regency. We must break our dependency on the safety of the known and familiar and instead embrace what is new- not necessarily what is tried and untested-in the hope of saving this country further from going in the direction its currently headed in Vision 2012 states that a united people of Kenya will not care who is leading this great country as long as Kenya remains corruption free and our businesses, laws, public offices and institutions are incorruptible and cannot be used to corrupt-sadly, we currently we have no one single individual who can fill that position On thursday i had a nice interesting chat with BPONE right here inour very own DOMO chat room- BPONE finally managed to get an idea of who will bell the cat-and a great idea i think it is too. (by the way if you've never taken advantage of it its lots of fun chatting with other Kumekucha readers from all over the world.The fastest way to get to the Kumekucha chat room is to use the link on your right or at the bottom of this page. Just sign in with any username and start chattingAlready thereis a special alert for Ivy, mpesa and kimi raikkonnen)
  
  News Update
  President Mwai Kibaki and Prime Minister Designate are reported to have been holed up at the Sagana State Lodge today for over 6 hours in an effort to break the impasse over the grand coalition cabinet.
  
  The two principals were flown there by Air Force Helicopters and not even their closest handlers were allowed anywhere near the Sagana State Lodge.
  
  It is said that the two principals have vowed to have a cabinet in place by the time parliament reopens on Tuesday.
  
  
  Landlord evicts woman for “too much noise from the bedroom”

• Back To Square 1

  Posted: April 5, 2008, 12:04 pm by luke

  ONLY BRAND NEW LEADERSHIP AND BRAND NEW IDEAS CAN SAVE KENYA
  It may have taken a while but message "2012" has finally begun to sink in. it has become stark-glaring clear and alarmingly so to a growing number of concerned and right thinking Kenyans that the current grand coalition government featuring the as yet to be unveiled fully expanded political hybrid cabinet represents no real change at all whatsoever to the immediate future of Kenya and most importantly to the common mwananchi's day to day welfare
  As we shall see tomorrow when the revealed line up of the coalition cabinet will be announced, the line-up will certainly not herald the much anticipated and desired break from the past old dinousaur faces with their tired brand of old school thinking. I bet you integrity will still be the missing option.
  I've already begun wondering just exactly what major scam will it be this time that will trip-up the new cabinet and make it become exactly like its previous predecessor that saw anglo-leasing ghosts share the same breathing space with kroll report mentioned celebrities? Kenya's number one economic growth buster corruption is always lurking around the corner waiting for a chance to bite where it hurts the most-our collective public conscience
  Inevitably in-between now and 2012 we will get distracted and thrown off our course and end up looking even worse than our politicians in whose names we are only too quick to sweat, swear and hack one another to death-but what is it we want to happen in 2012?brand new leadership and brand new ideas with the interests of the country at heart. In looking ahead to 2012 and the future leaders of Kenya, we must not allow them to falsely believe that they can avoid the consequences of dodging responsiblity. Then will not be the time for a hands off, eyes off and ears off type of leadership in the passive running of the government. The responsibility of governing a country justly must not become more of a burden than the job of massaging self-inflated egos filled with importance that comes from being made minister of something or the otherLets wait and see shall we? "BPONE" WANTS TO KNOW-WHO WILL BELL THE CAT? CATCH HIM IN DOMO CHAT ROOM ANYTIME NEXT WEEK-JUST ENTER USERNAME AND START CHATTING

• Will 10th Parliament Now Change MPs Work Ethic?

  Posted: March 9, 2008, 7:34 pm by luke

  

  The official state re-opening of the 10th parliament was historic, not least because it featured for the first time in post-independent Kenya’s history a grand-coalition Government of president, vice-president and prime-minister(X2) not present during the 1^st session, and born out of necessity from the post election crisis that rocked the country during the early part of this year arising from last December’s sham of a general election.
  
  Ordinarily, the opening of parliament following an adjournment is characterised by the traditional week long debate into the President's speech, marking the start of the house's official calendar of business for the year. However, as you well know the 10th parliament is no ordinary sitting and first on the immediate agenda of MPs is to agree on fast-tracking implementation of the new executive power-sharing deal by passing into law the crucial National Accord and Reconciliation Act 2008, together with several other draft bills namely the constitutional Amendment, the Truth, Justice and Reconciliation, and Ethnic Commission Bills
  
  Difficult tasks ahead?
  Judging by their previous track record, it remains to be seen whether or not our MPs will pass these and other all-important bills to come in record time, or even whether they will miss the boat completely and allow themselves to become side-tracked by other pressing yet secondary issues which are sure to arise during these early stages as the house gets down to business.
  
  Kenya’s parliament has a poor legislative track record in comparison to other African countries we compete against (e.g. Egypt, South Africa, Nigeria) and we Kenyans hungry for change and massive reforms may all be waiting a long time yet before any urgent & pressing bills are actually made into laws (e.g. one example is the bill seeking to grant Mombasa and Kisumu city status-anyone recall that?)
  
  Remember that in the previous past their first port of call for newly-elected MPs has traditionally been to increase their salaries while consequently saying goodbye to the sight of the toes on their feet which inevitably fail to effectively compete against the rapid forward expansion of their middle abdomens in the course of their short stays at house of parliament.
  
  In 2007, the 9^th parliament worked for a period of 27 weeks, and started with an agenda of 20 bills awaiting debate as part of business in the house. Throughout the whole of last year, their apathy during house debates was roundly condemned by the public at large, and more than once in the life of the 9th parliament business had to be interrupted due to a lack of quorum. In spite of this, amazingly they managed to pass 17 bills into law! including the monumental Njoki Ndungu Sexual Offences Bill in 2006. Compare that to 2005 where out of 25 bills that were presented to them for debate and enactment, concluded only seven, Just goes to show that when they want to, our politicians can actually do some work
  
  In developed countries e.g. that “bastion of democracy” the USA, Britain etc, MPs tend to earn more but they also produce more, meaning they enact more laws through the high number of bills that they pass. However so far in Kenya, our members of parliament have enjoyed remuneration with little to show to justify for their pay by way of performance

  How hard is your MP working? Like a donkey
  It’s known that our MPs split their time between sittings in parliament, working in the constituencies that elected them (standing waist-deep in mud, soiling their hands with bribes bricks) and in addition as Government ministers working within their appointed portfolios. Not to mention various functions to conduct harambees, the occasional (cough) government sanctioned business trips abroad, and the rare (double cough) “pretty-boy” press conference appearances before media houses to address the public. But the days of deception conducted behind closed chambers while speaking in foreign tongues as the case has been is over; the past 45 years has simply amounted to a total defrauding of the Kenyan tax-payers’ money worth which unfortunately has gone to fund the hefty salaries and perks which our politicians and their significant others have grown accustomed to

  Too long have Kenyans have suffered lightly the lot of clowns in charge of the destiny of our nation. Already the first chapter of Kenya’s history has been written and closed twice in blood, and none among the living can be said to have qualified for deserving a glowing tribute as very little positives can truthfully be said about them without sounding like a sycophant.
  

  Its time for the people’s duly elected representatives to become a hard-working parliament,and I sincerely hope that they will have little time for sleeping before the TV cameras- they need to roll –up their sleeves and........wait for it............extend-yes extend.......both their sitting and opening hours, so that they can get more work done by debating and passing more bills into laws that will greatly enhance our independence and development.
  

  All 210 MPs should be made to sign people perfomance contracts which set the bar on how high the need to jump if they are thinking of seeing the inside of parliament again come the next general election. we always like to say "wembe ni ule ule" lakini ule wembe tuna sema ni wembe gani? We been giving our MPs Gillete shaving blades to shave their faces with-indeed we've given them the best a man can get. Let us now give them machetes that are truly "wembes" which will not provide any sort of smooth shave unless they work for it
  

  Coming soon: -dealing a deathblow to tribalism

• Kibaki Meets Annan

  Posted: February 27, 2008, 6:59 pm by luke

  The following takes place in private at Harambee House between 10 am and 11 am one day after ODM called off its planned national countrywide rallies to protest the stalled political negotiations being held to resolve the disputed December general post election crisis

  Annan & Mkapa: (rising politely) Good morning your Excellency….

  Mkapa: (smiling, bowing slightly with outstretched hand) Shikamoo Rais Kibaki

  Kibaki: (enters the room smiling) …gentlemen, sit please….Sijambo Benjamin, keti tafadhali

  Annan: (sitting down) thank you sir, and thank you for agreeing to meet us so early this morning

  Kibaki : thank you for the work you are doing and the support you have provided so far towards addressing the political situation in Kenya

  Annan: (leaning slightly forward, speaking softly) well your excellency, that is why we are here this morning. Both negotiation teams have made almost no progress towards reaching an agreement on governance, despite the fact that they had the entire weekend to consult on their positions

  Mkapa :(nodding) ndio Rais, daktari anasema ukweli

  Kibaki: (turning round to face both men) a lot of progress has been made in the mediation talks and I am hopeful that a sustainable solution to this political challenge will be achieved

  Annan: yes sir that is why I decided to directly engage both you and Honourable Raila Odinga personally to ensure that the talks reach a successful conclusion

  Kibaki: (sounding curious) have you spoken to my friend Raila yet?

  Annan: yes sir, and I was able to effectively persuade the Honourable member of your parliament to not go ahead with his earlier planned action intended for tomorrow….

  Kibaki: (brightening) very good! That is why I commended you earlier my friend Ann. …..

  Annan: (gently interrupting) sir, I only managed to appeal to him to postpone the planned mass action rallies until further notice….

  Kibaki: (visibly taken back) postpone?

  Annan: yes sir. Sir, the negotiations were at a critical stage when they stalled, and it is now urgently imperative upon both Honourable Raila and your excellency to reach a solution to the crisis at the negotiation table and not through planned street actions

  Kibaki: (wearily sitting down, sighing)

  Annan: Sir, as you are aware, I had set a deadline of 48-72 hours for both your party and that of Honourable Raila to agree on short term solutions to the crisis

  Kibaki (nodding silently)

  Annan: (continuing) the slow pace of our negotiations is due to disagreements between your negotiators and the ODMs, as well as the hardline posititons of both camps which has hampered the success of the talks.

  Kibaki: (speaking slowly) its because they want me to create a prime minister position and I am prepared to do so-we shall do so, but only under the current constitution and in a coalition agreement

  Annan: (leaning wearily back in his seat) yes your excellency, I understand your position

  Kibaki :(speaking strongly) you know Annan my friend, there is no constitutional vacuum in the country

  Annan: (nodding) yes sir, of course sir

  Kibaki: (rubbing his hands together) now of course I am personally receptive to making constitutional changes that reflect the wishes of Kenyans

  Suddenly a door opens and Martha Karua walks in briskly, leans over and whispers directly in Kibaki’s ear. Immediately after, she turns round and walks out without looking in the either Annan or Mkapa’s direction

  Annan: (startled at the site of Karua; sweat breaks on his brow, and he takes a handkerchief out of his immaculate pocket and mops his forehead)

  Mkapa: (slightly pale at the sight of Karua) are you ok Daktari? Do you want some glasses of water?

  Annan: (shaking his head) no thank you Ben, I am fine, just the heat

  Kibaki: (suddenly rising and walking behind a desk) gentlemen, I am afraid I have to be leaving soon but as I was saying I would like a speedy finalisation of this coalition government

  Annan and Mkapa instinctively rise to their feet puzzled

  Kibaki: (smiling) honourable Raila knows he can be a coalition partner under my Government even as a prime minister because the current constitution allows for this

  Annan and Mkapa nod silently

  Kibaki: (continuing) so, I am ready and willing to share responsibilities of my Government with ODM; please let my friend Raila know this

  A door opens and Kalonzo Musyoka, Professor Sam Ongeri, Martha Karua, Mutula Kilonzo and Moses Wetangula walk single file into the room in silence. Smiling, Kalonzo walks upto Kibaki and stands by his right side looking directly at Annan and Mkapa

  Annan: (thinking silently to himself….the meeting must be over)

  Mkapa:(silently thinking to himself…..jeshi la mzee au nini hawa watu wa bara)

  Annan: (smiling stiffly) thank you for your time your excellency

  Mkapa: (smiling cheerfully) Kwaheri Rais, hamjambo wazir wa serikali

• Finally Raila And Kibaki Dialogue Together

  Posted: February 26, 2008, 7:24 pm by luke

  …….part 2……

  The following takes place in private at statehouse between 10 am and 11 am two days after the Kenya National Dialogue and Reconciliation Committee stalled to reach a political settlement on the December general post election crisis

  Raila: (bluntly, sounding edgy) look Stanley, this is getting us nowhere… we are going round in circles and it is frustrating

  Kibaki: (sighing wearily) I know Amolo; I’ve got the UN, AU, EU and USA bullying on me, but I’ve told them not to make the mistake of putting a gun at my head…

  Raila: (interrupting)…..then prove to the foreigners you can share - I want to be a prime minister with 2 deputies and we want powers and duties in a grand coalition government where we get to share cabinet positions

  Kibaki: (scowling) ehhhh, have you forgotten? I have already proved once before that I can form a government of national unity, and I even included the opposition KANU into my government… I could do it again but this time….

  Raila: (interrupting, speaking in a dark tone) look, I want a quick solution to resolve this issue. We cannot keep talking forever

  Suddenly a door partly opens and a full hand clothed in pyjamas inserts itself into the room. The hand, which is lady-like in appearance, smartly makes the gesture of a slap-like motion in the air. As suddenly as the door opens it closes and the hand withdraws and disappears behind the door

  Raila: (puzzled) who or what was that?

  Kibaki: (oblivious) what are you talking about?

  Raila (sounding a little scared) it was like a scene I saw once from that Rambo movie…

  Kibaki: (now sounding nervous) hiyo usijali…..

  silence

  Kibaki: (sounding thoughtful) if you become prime minister, how will all 3 of you be removed from office? In 12…..err….11 months the office will fall vacant when we enact a review….err….new constitution

  Raila: (sounding decisive) no, these three offices should only fall vacant if and when the grand coalition fails …you know, kama kazi haiendelei

  Kibaki: (suddenly smiling upon hearing his party slogan) yes, kazi iendele! Kazi iende….

  Raila: (scowling, angrily interrupting)…..Kibaki tosha! Chungwa ni moja usinisahau mimi…

  Kibaki: (suddenly serious) what about my vision? You know I want the economy to grow and the country to achieve 7-8% GDP till 2030

  
  

  Raila:(slyly) you know, our economy cannot survive political turmoils any longer, and.....

  
  

  Kibaki: (interrupting, sounding worried) ....wacha! i know Kenya will overcome the current political challenges and get back on the track of development

  
  Raila (continuing slyly) all Kenya needs from you is the political will and in no time we shall have a speedy resolution to this crisis
  
  Kibaki: (distracted, thinking silently to himself......what time is it? Kikwete my agemate is soon coming for tea and i am feeling thirsty)
  
  Raila: (thinking to himself....what time is it?i need to sambazza Nyong'o some credit to sms Balala that the date of those mass actions has changed from 29th to 28th February)
  
  
  

  ........part 3......
  

• Finally Kibaki And Raila Dialogue Together

  Posted: February 25, 2008, 8:23 pm by luke

  The following takes place in private at statehouse between 10 am and 11 am one day after the Kenya National Dialogue and Reconciliation Committee stalled to reach a political settlement on the december general post election crisis
  

  
  Kibaki: (cheerfully) Hi Amolo! how are you?
  
  Raila: (hurt voice)….eh! Emilio, how do you think i am!?
  
  Kibaki: (puzzled) ngoja! hakuna haja......tuko hapa sasa
  
  Raila: (slightly happier) yes, just the two of us (suddenly suspicious) is this room tapped?
  
  Kibaki: (laughing).....hapana.... (suspicious suddenly) are you tape recording us?
  
  Raila: (laughing) ....no of course not
  
  silence
  
  Both men awkwardly embrace one another, secretly feeling for tape recorders
  
  Kibaki: (first to break away) haya basi....kazi iendelee....
  
  Raila:(following suite to break away) haya Kibaki, tosha....
  
  a door suddenly opens and Dr.Annan pokes his head into the room
  
  Annan: (sounding deeply disappointed) eminent gentlemen, now is the turn of you two personalities; you must reach an agreement on the governance of this country in 48-72 hours
  
  as silently as he opened the door Dr. Annan's head disappears as he closes the door
  
  Kibaki: (frowning) i was going to commend him for doing a good job-i wanted to ask him for tea as he is my age mate
  
  Raila: (puzzled)
  
  Raila: (abruptly changing the subject) do we agree in principle on creating a prime minister's post and sharing cabinet positions?
  
  Kibaki: will it withstand the test of time? Will it enhance national cohesion, economic prosperity and stability?
  
  Raila: the problem I have is you have such immense powers
  
  Kibaki: (smiling) I know but what can I do/? Its in the current constitution
  
  Raila: we need to revise the constitution
  
  Kibaki: (hesitantly)…in 12 months maybe, yes
  
  Raila: i want to be prime minister now-with two deputies
  
  Kibaki:(sigh grudgingly) ok, ok-i will appoint all 3 of you, and together you can co-ordinate the performance of my government and....
  
  Raila: (tone suddenly serious) i want executive power
  
  Kibaki: my offer is non-executive...
  
  Raila: i don't want to be the civil service head i want teeth and responsibilities
  
  Kibaki: you know we could sign an MOU…
  
  Raila: (rushing quickly) no
  
  Kibaki: (puzzled) ok, how about some sort of gazette noti....
  
  Raila: no
  
  Kibaki: (more puzzled) ok, an act of parliament maybe, or...
  
  Raila: (brightening) yes, parliament…..
  
  Kibaki:(smiling) you see? We can agree after all! Now, as YOUR duly elected presid...
  
  Raila: (rudely cutting in) i want security of tenure...
  
  Kibaki:(interrupted)...ngoja....
  
  Raila (continues in loud voice)...and i want a say on cabinet appointments....
  
  Kibaki:….. skiza kwanza
  
  Raila: (continues)....and I want to quit only when parliament is dissolved or a majority passes a resolution

  silence

  Kibaki: (thinking silently to himself) - these we can do without amending the constitution…..)

  Raila: (thinking silently to himself)-I think he is thinking these we can do without amending the constitution

  Raila: (speaking out loud) how long again did you say before we can revise the constitution?

  Kibaki (thinking silently to himself…eh?! how did he know what I was thinking? What powers from Nigeria……?)

  Kibaki (speaking out loud) 11 months now….we are in March already

  Raila: (thinking silently to himself… (Let Nyong’o know mass action from 29^th this month)

  Raila: (speaking out loud)….. okay

  ......part 1.......
  

• We Need A New Constitution and Jobs

  Posted: February 21, 2008, 6:59 pm by luke

  Turning the spotlight briefly away from the brokering of power-sharing deals taking place in the plush confines of Serena Hotel, (with many of you already naively hailing the tentative agreement to create a prime minster's post with executive powers as the breakthrough needed to unlock the current stalemate) i have been asking myself the question what is the ultimate national price we must pay to honour the memory of 1000 kenyan lives needlessly sacrificed in the past 10 weeks? The answers i come up with are the enactment of a new constitution and the creation of jobs
  
  Chris threw down the gauntlet earlier on this week when suggesting that as Kenyans the time has come for us to focus by force on crafting the future we want for our children and i am taking up the challenge seriously to think out of the box about the kind of ideas we need our dishonourables to get focussed on the moment they reluctantly return from the paid holiday we have been sponsoring them on the past 2 months and reluctantly roll up their well-paid sleeves to lethargically get down to work
  
  I consider the enactment of a new constitution even more urgent and important than the re-introduction of a prime m(ini)onster post-enough is enough do we really need another 12 months to re-debate replacing the current constitution? It has since transformed us into collective pawns for our respective tribal elites and that document should not be allowed to exist one minute longer-we all already know a new constitution is the only viable solution to firmly establishing a stable foundation that will avoid potential turbulent political times ahead in future why are we going to waste time re-inventing the wheel by wasting further time either debating the merits/demerits of a new constitution or God forbid amending the current old one? When parliament resumes next month the first task should be to pass the new constitution within the month
  
  Kabla kazi iendelee na maisha iwe bora lazima kazi ianze for many of the millions of jobless youth now roaming the major highways interlinking different parts of the country, manning makeshift roadblocks and wearing the latest in machete fashion-looks to die for. Unemployment still currently stands high even in the face of recovering economic growth that has now taken a beating (i used to admire this growth even outside my window) and even between 2002-2005 it did not manage to create the more than 500,000 jobs we were promised 6 years ago to cater for an excess young unemployed population. It was once said that this is not a fish market-that being the case we need it to become one so that we can get jobs as fishermen, fishmongers, fish sellers, fish chefs, fish supervisors and fish managers-for you tribalists out there replace the word fish with your favourite ethnic staple and leave me in peace
  
  We know there are no free lunch that is not what we want but as much as the driving force of a career comes from the individual, there are many jobs needing no creation but simply awaiting the ablebodies and this grand-coaliton government must direct jobless youth to kilometres of roads needing tarmacking, irrigation schemes in semi-arid areas, empowering to a greater extent the hawkers market-this should start taking place immediately parliament resumes next month no wasting time
  
  I know PNU and ODM read this blog-feel free to copyright my ideas as your own no charge from me but for your sakes i dare you to go further than me in thinking outside the box and giving us the country we deserve and not the country you want

• Lessons for 2012 (or is it 2010)?

  Posted: February 16, 2008, 11:40 am by luke

  If it was not already clearly evident to you dear reader, it should by now be as bright as the light -this great nation of ours sadly does not have any leaders willing to place the interests of our people first before their own selfish gain and personal advancement
  
  Nowhere has this been more clearly reflected than in the current attitudes and bad manners on display by especially those in the PNU party (although ODM are not innocent either) whose sluggish reactions to the emergency of the current crisis are slow-moving responses that best exemplify all known reasons and unearth even more unknown reasons as to why they and their ilk are not fit in any capacity to lead any government this country had, has or will ever have in any century particularly the 21st-please don't remind me, i already know we are stuck with them for another eternity
  
  Way before this blog had peaked 1,000,000 readers and it was simply serving as a healthy forum for wholesome debate, witty repartire and in-depth political analysis not available then through the current staple of main stream media, the header at the top of this page read "only brand new ideas and brand new leadership can save kenya"-of course i'm aware that the banner is still the same at our sister blog [kumekucha1.blogspot.com]
  
  So naturally as always i am keeping in theme with editorial policy Kumekucha and on the look out in particular for what lessons we can learn from the present to apply to the next generation of fresh-faced, new ideas totting political "rookies" complete with their radically different ideologies and approaches on how to change this country for the better. Not only will they have severed all ties and links with the political dinosaurs of the past but also their names may actually be new to our political landscape.
  
  Well, its still integrity and not the economy, stupid. The light ease with which the present impasse has been treated, as if 1000 dead kenyans and 500, 000 IDPs have all the time in the world to wait for airplanes to land at Wilson Airport from Kilaguni lodge, shows that without a heart for the suffering havenots, nobody has a right to qualify to occupy any seat whether parliamentary, civic or legislative in both government and opposition
  
  What of crisis management? Its also true that without prior requisite experience of reacting speedily to humanitarian crisis and national disasters in times gone by(and boy haven't we had plenty to practise from land clashes '92, '97 to el-ninio '98, bomb-blast 2003 and arturs 2005) how can we expect our mandated institutions and instruments of social governance representation (starting at the top with the presidency all the way to law and order e.g. police) to now display the much needed efficiency and effectiveness in leadership, planning and organisation in times of trouble that they could not hitherto show in times of "peace"-relative peace-i repeat 1,000 needlessly dead kenyans 500,000 IDPs do not have time for airplanes to land from Kilaguni lodge before their needs are given urgent attention-they require action and they needed it yesterday and it should not be mickey mouse answers and paper-tiger solutions(i salute you Dr. Mutua)
  
  Who is behaving more like a leader?Watching Koffi Annan traverse the country in its length and breadth has been a great lesson to me in asking myself the question who is behaving more like a real leader? even without the official job title and constitutional job description to match, let alone not being from the same country as he is actually trying to help-of course i understand there is a covert undercover snipper on the lose biding his time before picking off our dishonourables one-by-one therefore, therefore understandably their desire to lie low at this moment and issue statements from the relative safety of their fotresses mainly in the capital is clear
  
  What of diplomacy? after this shambolic handling in treatment of ArchBishop Tutu, AU chairman John Kufuor, emminent ex-african presidents Kaunda, Chisano,Mkapa and Masire, and even US envoy Jendayi Frazier, you know that this current dispensation of parliament has lost the right to be allowed to ever mediate and broker peace in conflicts throughout the region and continet at large owing from their shameful and disrespectful attitudes display in dumbing down efforts of outside helping hands of concern and equating it to long-distance tea and coffee drinking excursions
  
  What of international image?Condolezza Rice's visit on Monday will help turn up the heat and the spot-light on hidden messages hitherto undicepherable by the pumbavu mwananchi such as the fact that the international community, while being repeatedly slapped in the face with parched calls of "our soverignity" nevertheless represent a global willingness to if need be show a strong arm of force in the face of a possible failure of the Annan talks, just serving as a friendly reminder that some countries are more sovreign than others no matter how much the other says so
  
  Future leaders, heed to what you are seeing-the type of clownish antics currently on display represent nothing at all of what is the hopes, wishes and desires of the majority of the kenyan population-whether they're just too afraid to say anything because of fear of the unknown i don't know-but it will take a brave fool to dare confront architects of past decay, charismatic bullies and handsome cowards and carry the nation on their shoulders to a future where both rich and poor homes will once again be filled with laughter and injustice has taken a bow to reason and sense

• Mtaka Cha Mvunguni Nguo Avue?

  Posted: February 1, 2008, 8:13 pm by luke

  We've proved our brand of politics-made-in-Kenya has the ability to bring out the worst in not just our dishonourables (bungled elections) but even you and me the common mwananchi (we were the main actors in tragic post election filled month-long violence)
  Every village has its mad men, and where mayhem and anarchy are left to reign in place of the rule-of-law, mentally-deranged people come crawling out of the woodworks in droves-why should a gang of youths in Naivasha harass women wearing trousers because according to them african women are supposed to wear skirts and dresses only?
  Obviously not on the agenda for these common everyday street thugs is the on-going fight for justice that has consumed the life of our nation and left our streets overflowing with blood of innocent kenyans whose lives were cut-short and democratic victory stolen from them in the wake of a massive power struggle between architects of past decay and charismatic bullies
  Just as fish die without water, there is no country in the world whose people can survive without obeying the rule of law and order. Messrs Raila and Kibaki, only both of you SINCERELY working together for the good of the land can solve the current political impasse that is impeding the establishment of justice and the flow of peace and social progress throughout our great country.
  In the past one month Kenya has already paid more than her fair share(don't you think?) of the price for sacrifices that may not have had to be made in order for us to achieve the far-reaching great and revolutionary changes that the people of Kenya have long been aching and yearning for the past 45 years of our eventful but colorful existence. All eyes are on you (even in Addis Ababa) please don't make kenyans begin harassing (wo)men who wear trousers in every street of every province
  Its justice, peace and integrity stupid

• Who?What?How?

  Posted: January 26, 2008, 7:23 am by luke

  
  The question that has been keeping me pre-occupied for the past sad event-filled month is; when the time comes, who is going to mourn for the 1000 plus Kenyans who are losing their lives as a result of December's post-election violence? It haunts me to think that out of the many lives lost, more than just a handful were supposed to have played a significant role in my life at some point in time and i in theirs but now this opportunity is lost forever. This is not even considering the feelings of their loved ones left behind struggling to come to terms and make sense of life without their family members. What bitter tragedy
  Sometimes i think we make a mockery out of life when we approach the seriousnes it demands without the requisite sincerity to match. In my opinion, the best gift we can give to honour the memory of those already dead (dying a death most foul) is not only political and economic restitution-in any event, these are two important aspects of our nation that we would have had to get right at some point, regardless of whether a thief stole the election or not
  In the long-term we may have to agree never again to take one another for granted and stop turning a blind eye to the well-being of the country we love for the sake of traditions. Such long-term thinking will reveal itself from the little things like refusing to litter our streets when with only a little effort your refuse can easily be disposed of in the proper places, to walking in the type of integrity that means swearing to our own hurt and not changing even if we'll be unpopular.
  The sacrifice that Kenya demands is not blood through the killing of life but the giving up of close-minded individuality to redefine what our nation means by coming together to paint a rich picture of many tribes, languages, politics, economics and religion with a single common thread-we are Kenyans
  Coming soon:- dealing a death blow to tribalism

• Paka Imenyeshwa Sasa Ni Simba

  Posted: January 23, 2008, 5:17 pm by luke

  "Listen here Government, if you don't lift the ban on live broadcasts by tomorrow, we will do something about it because we are not afraid of you now that Michuki is no longer internal security minister i am lion hear me roar........."
  
  Please do not adjust your computer monitor-there is nothing wrong with it. What you've read is the response of our local mass radio, newspaper and televison media finally appearing to get their act together and warning the government that unless they withdraw their 3 week-long ban on live broadcasts, they can expect consequences ala ODM albeit silent instead of "peaceful" demonstrations.
  Unlike ODM, the media feel that if they go to courts in this case, they will see justice served-what exactly would justice be in their case? Its not just the lifting of the media ban that is the solution to the problem, its the basic question of just how much "freedom" is in the "freedom of press" which our (in) dependent media is supposed to have? Now there is a something to scratch your heads over
  The press can practise freedom akin to Government spokesperson Mutua which amounts to mounting attacks always on the offensive in defense of the state and its machinery, or the press can practise freedom similar to blogs and websites and just run with whatever they get afterall what makes their sources more credible than mine? or they can turn a blind eye
  It will be intersting to see which "freedom" the press enjoys in Kibaki's second term of office-maybe just maybe the cat will evolve into a lion
  

• Dealing A Death Blow To Tribalism: - Introduction

  Posted: January 13, 2008, 11:56 am by luke

  What is in a question? “What’s your name? Which part of Kenya are you from? Where were your parents born? Where do you live?” all seemingly harmless questions asked without forethought of malice or pre-conceived intention of harm right?Right....that is, up until now in 2008
  The mask has been lowered to reveal the ugly side of the same questions but is this the true face of Kenya or is there more to those questions than meets the eye?
  Over the next few weeks I will take a 3 part exploratory journey into tribalism -the silent elephant sharing the room with families right across both the have and havenots homes of Kenya- from a very limited 21^st century point of view. Those of you expecting history lessons this is not a school I am no teacher someni vijana. Those with opinions to express you are welcome whether they be divergent or in agreement with my own. Those of you with nothing constructive to add to the posts thank you for making Kumekucha traffic extremely high the past fortnight but the world wide web is unlimited don’t bother stopping to read my posts I recommend either Chris or Vikii or Taabu or Derek or Phil or Sue or Sayra or Danileve or Ritch or PKW or Kalamari's posts- any of these other excellent numerous bloggers in Kumekucha will suit you just fine
  Like MLK I too have a dream-Tribalism must die a natural death in my generation
  Kenya, God is on our side. Brace yourselves here we go...Kumekucha

• Wanted: -A Jack of All Trades

  Posted: January 12, 2008, 8:35 pm by luke

  To say that Chris was right even though he was scorned when he said last months December generals would be the mother of all elections would be to make the understatement of the year, though its hardly begun. sadly in this case there are no prizes to be given out for the winner who says so
  Its a mistake to think that we will solve our major political and social problem with just potatoes. Whether deliberate or not,it took alot of time, energy and thought to create the problem that got us into this mess we find ourselves in today. Reverse and apply the same and the logic will hold true.
  Its arguable as to whether the brand of politics-made-in-Kenya our politicians practise has ever in its 44 year history solved any of the countrys urgent and pressing problems without creating 10 unique more. Undeniable is the fact that a solution to the current impasse calls for not saying there is no problem. Wanted are jack-of-all-trades who can strike a balance between wasting no time in revealing the truth about what happened on 27th December and pursuing a future where our past sense of shared community, of working together, and of helping each other out will not be lost again under threat of nostalgic architects of past decay, charismatic bullies or handsome cowards

• Is 2007 the new 2012?

  Posted: December 28, 2007, 3:25 pm by luke

  
  Just one look at the election results pouring in from all corners of the country today and you would not be wrong if you came to the conclusion that the Kenyan voter decided to give smoking opium before elections a miss this year and instead went on one long overdue sober parliamentary cleaning spree
  Since when did the voters card become such a weapon of straight-forward vengeance? The electorate dispensed blind justice on overfed overcooked political goose, sparing none except those birds whose tribal strongholds could not fathom the idea of what life would be like for them without "mweshimiwa" and their development record
  These unfolding events of the past 36 hours days begs asking one question-was there a secret decision by Kenyans to make 2007 elections the new 2012 elections? Not only has there been an increase in the number of first-time women parliamentary aspirants, but it appears that the desire to replace many of the Lancaster House pre and post-independence names and faces is a reflection of the change Kenyans have been crying out and yearning for in their top-most leadership; public servants and officials who represent the hopes, wishes and aspirations of their constituents right down to a letter T
  I will be watching closely for signs of the revolution that i thought would take at least another 5 years to hit our Indian Ocean bordering shores-is "democracy" and the ever-elusive "development" finally here for East Africa's largest economy?

• The Calm Before The Storm

  Posted: December 27, 2007, 10:22 pm by luke

  
  Ladies and Gentlemen,
  ........................................the calm before the (political) storm in Kenya
  Happy New Year!

• Kenya's Watergate II is back

  Posted: December 19, 2007, 6:22 pm by luke

  Are the revealed findings of the publicly commissioned Ndungu report made public yesterday yet another incomplete draft maliciously leaked to the public for expedient political purposes?Nothing expedient though about the part of the report indicating Kenyans have lost more than ksh 53 billion to land grabbers in the last 10 years; however bearing in mind that the figure of ksh 53 billion is simply a tag assigned by Kenya National Commission on Human Rights (KNCHR), the true amount if known is probably a figure so shocking that Kenyans would be left staggering in unbelief at the sum
  Politics aside, this report in particular highlights the grief that can be caused by the abuse of land, a commodity belonging to respective native communities wherever they are found. If the youth are future leaders of tomorrow, land is not to be treated with the same dishonesty. one way or another we and the next government of the day must decide once and for all and now how we are going to regulate the use of ardhi in the republic so that millions will no longer be poor because vast amounts of land is in the hands of a few who have acquired it illegally. Here again corruption monster reared its ugly head and scared off our dishonourables from making something out of numerous commissions of inquiry into the issue of land allocations
  PNU or ODM, you have a royal land battle awaiting you on the other side of victory
  

• Increase Your Vocabulary

  Posted: December 19, 2007, 4:24 pm by luke

  THE 2007 KENYA POLITICAL WORD A DAY CALENDAR
  
  word for today: - parliament - pronounced pa' lee' a' meant' - a word describing a group of people determined to do exactly opposite what they were elected to
  
  words for tomorrow: -28th December

• Increase Your Vocabulary

  Posted: December 18, 2007, 3:07 pm by luke

  THE 2007 KENYA POLITICAL WORD A DAY CALENDAR
  
  word for today: - slap - pronounced ss' lap' - a word describing first line of defence privileges with full immunity accorded to sitting first ladies - an instant vote diminisher
  
  word for tomorrow: -parliament

• Increase Your Vocabulary

  Posted: December 17, 2007, 8:02 am by luke

  THE 2007 KENYA POLITICAL WORD A DAY CALENDAR
  
  word for today: - corruption - pronounced co' rap' sh' on' - a word describing how nothing that could be done before suddenly can for money -a unique ability
  
  word for tomorrow: -slap

• Increase Your Vocabulary

  Posted: December 15, 2007, 6:37 pm by luke

  THE 2007 KENYA POLITICAL WORD A DAY CALENDAR
  
  word for today: - rigging - pronounced rig' in' - a word that describes how elections are won and lost - examples of use - far too numerous for this limited space
  
  word for tomorrow: -corruption

• Increase Your Vocabulary

  Posted: December 14, 2007, 2:29 pm by luke

  THE 2007 KENYA POLITICAL WORD A DAY CALENDAR
  
  word for today: - Devolution - pronounced d' vo' luu' sh' on' - a word that means to not have your cake and eat it -exact meaning - transfer of power or authority
  
  word for tomorrow: -Rigging

• Increase Your Vocabulary

  Posted: December 12, 2007, 1:15 am by luke

  THE 2007 KENYA POLITICAL WORD A DAY CALENDAR
  
  word for today:-Steadman poll - pronounced sss ted man pol -a word meaning to poll the wool over voter's eyes
  
  word for tomorrow: -devolution

• The 3 Opiums Of Kenyan Voters

  Posted: December 11, 2007, 4:23 pm by luke

  Tribalism. Corruption. Short-term memory. These are the three opium’s we must exhale out of our body system before you go vote on the 27^th

  No time for preaching sermons here. It is better to greet an angry mother bear unjustly robbed of her new cubs than to extend the friendly hand of warm welcome to a Kenyan doped up on tribalism opium-is this the worst type of Kenyan there is?The jury is still out. Definition of a tribalist is also known as home-grown terrorist

  Like a bad toothache that just won’t go away, corruption opium has refused to give Justice Ringera reason to show us the back of his post-molars in genuine laughter. Hear the Kenyan doped up on corruption speak “nobody can remove corruption from Kenya.” This monster slayed all three Presidents Kenyatta, Moi and Kibaki. Whoever dares this ogre will be Kenya’s hero forever
  

  Short-term memory loss. We remember what we ate for breakfast yesterday but can’t remember why we got independence 44 years ago. Then we let dishonourables walk right back into Parliament so we can complain in Kumekucha for another 5 years
  

  Now you know-beware, smoking opium maybe harmful to health and kill

• Increase Your Vocabulary

  Posted: December 11, 2007, 3:38 pm by luke

  INTRODUCING THE 2007 KENYA POLITICAL WORD A DAY CALENDAR

  word for today: - Hystrical - pronounced highstreecall - first used by Stanley Livondo- exact meaning unknown - closest match - hysterical
  
  word for tomorrow: -Steadman Poll

• Too Little Too Late

  Posted: December 9, 2007, 3:59 am by luke

  Watching mouldy creaking KACC spring to life at the formation of a special unit to investigate voter bribery on Friday conjures up to mind images of the mythical Transylvania vampire Dracula's casket loudly squeaking open to reveal the legendary spook awakening and preparing to stalk the world of mere mortals for yet another nocturnal session of blood-sucking human flesh en masse
  KACC is already on the spot for having run a huge budget and only managing to catch small fish during the past 3 years of its existence. Breathing no new life into his work, the director Aaron Ringera once again read from the same tarnished script when he faulted politicians for lacking the will to enact laws that help step up the fight against corruption
  What was of interest to note was that true to form, this months general elections to held in just under 16 days have expectedly brought out the absurd in us in the theatre of political drama. Candidates have already used Ksh 900 million to bribe opium-smoking voters during recent sham of a party nominations and it is estimated that a further Ksh 890 million will not be spared in ensuring the same voters provide candidates safe passageway to the title "honourable". Baffling to hear was the fact that the source of such funds could not be explained (did someone say Anglo-leasing? i assure you such a thing has never existed please)
  To hear the incumbent promise to give priority to the anti-corruption war should he be re-elected is to hear the sound of many babies crying and mistake it for waterfall because you're dying of thirst
  It remains to be seen who out of the big 2 (ODM and ODM K), whichever wins the elections, will be brave enough to kill corruption monster and given Ringera reasons to show us his post-molars in genuine laughter.
  Alternatively, Steadman has become the most popular presidential candidate and i wish to give him and his OPP (opinion poll party) my vote for the presidency. Their party slogan-SEE IT YOUR WAY
  It's integrity not opinion stupid

• Youth Easily Deceived

  Posted: November 26, 2007, 9:12 pm by luke

  
  
  Yesterday the president was busy spelling out his elaborate youth plan to an already highly disfranchised yet unmistakeably key crucial voting bloc-the segmented youth of Kenya
  No promise was good enough not to be made-300,000 new jobs by the end of 2008, enabling the youth to be fully represented in every aspect of society's decision making leadership,..truly not even the sky was the limit
  Leaving glib smooth-talk aside for just a second, one thing the president did get right though is when he said that the youth can reform Kenya. What he failed to mention is..."if given a chance" Standing under an open hot sun listening to dinosaurs of yesterday rehash tall stories from a piece of paper stating party beliefs of the way to the promised land is one way of campaigning but it is certainly not the chance the youth want nor is it the way President should have chosen to go in order to attract that crucial key youth vote
  Long have Kenya's youth been duped into holding in high esteem those who shout the loudest claiming to do so on their behalf but with no subsequent delivery. Not anymore. This year's December elections has already attracted a record high number of both parliamentary and civic young candidates and the message is clear-no more talk. the leaders of tomorrow are starting work today
  The president should have had by his side the FEW (emphasis) young candidates who did manage to win the PNU party primary nominations to vie for seats in next months elections. Other than his and Mohammed Kuti, their faces should have been the ones he chose to parade yesterday in-front of 1,000 plus segment of his youth supporters. At least for that one event only, banish far from sight the appearance of anyone remotely resembling dinosaur architects of past decay if you are serious about convincing the younger population that you intend for them to form the core of your administration should you win
  Moving on
  Strategy is what failed some of these young contenders to the mweshimiwa title; for example, quite a number did not win in the just concluded sham of a parties nominations yet apart from saving their own posteriors by decamping to "grass is greener" parties, the majority have shown that other than having little years in life to their advantage, they were ill-prepared to wrest the parliamentary seats from their older, more subtle occupiers who though having little life remaining in their few years are snakes waiting to be rattled. More groundwork and grass-roots support is needed my young friends if we are to not forget the name of your face in the next 3+weeks
  Congratulations to the successful aspirants including Jesse Masai, John Kiarie and Mongolo-to the rest of you losers, its not over until the Anglo-leasing bird sings. Keep your eyes fixed firmly on D-day and give us a hat-trick-hata kama ni kwa TIPTIP
  Amani Kenya

• You Can Have Your Cake And Eat It

  Posted: November 24, 2007, 4:04 pm by luke

  
  A new study by medical researchers in the US suggests that being overweight might actually be beneficial for health. In its latest edition, the Journal of American Medical Association states that modestly overweight people demonstrated a lower death rate than their peers who are underweight, obese or normal weight
  Quite an interesting study from the modern day land of milk and honey-I am sure the Americans are aware that what appears to be on the surface quite a legitimate piece of scientific work and study will be shrunk and beaten down to down to propaganda for the sake of cultural EXPEDIENCY-some countries are more equal than others, and what is good for Goose is not necesarily good for the Gander
  Here again there is a lesson for the Kenyan voters-why does everyone keep complaining about how terrible politicians are when we always keep voting them or someone like them back in time and again? The only conclusion must be that they are not all THAT bad-kiboko yao, we love and hate at the same time the type of leadership they offer us and yet we cannot imagine living life without them
  Poor Kenyans-we want wrong people to lead us without bad consequences, the snake charmer to entrance us without rattling the very snake that can bite us
  did anyone just hear one HUGE collective sigh of relief coming from Uncle Sam across the Atlantic?

• Ask What You Can Do For Your Country

  Posted: November 22, 2007, 9:30 pm by luke

  
  What's in a name?The guards at Guardian Bank Kisumu literally lived up to both the name of their bank and title of their job description when they apprehended an obviously disgruntled employee who attempted to walk out of his employers with Ksh 10 million out of Ksh 14.75 million
  When asked why he stole the money and what he had planned to do with it had he not been caught, the dishonest former worker replied that he had been on his way to Safari Park Hotel (see Taabu's post below for more detail)

• Coffee Anyone?

  Posted: November 18, 2007, 8:59 pm by luke

  
  Sasini tea and coffee company of the Sameer family group of companies founded by successful tycoon and business entrepreneur Naushad Merali is launching a bold and daring venture into not just the less crowded but nascent competitive local market but also the more crowded and equally competitive big boy league international beverage consumption market with the launch of its inaugral Kenyan branded Savannah coffee lounges in Nairobi first, followed by Dubai and London
  And they are not thinking microscopic either-according to none other than the son of Merali himself who is one of the directors of the Kenyan company, by this foray the company is signalling its global intention to market brand Kenya to the rest of the world
  hear him speak "we do not have to sell Kenya abroad; the problem is that Kenyans are not taking advantage of the existing awareness and goodwill about Kenyan produce"
  I hold no brief for Merali or his Sameer group of companies but what a fresh change of direction displayed in straight thinking by a company that like many many other Kenyan businesses both well established and emerging are now beginning to move away from old school thinking that an investor is anyone foreign with skin colour to match and increasingly beginning to realize we can't market Kenya to anyone if we at home fail to be attracted by the quality of the made in Kenya brand
  Its true that for many years, lack of inspiring political direction made us consider both ourselves and our country as a brand unable to equal international standards in quality and rank; it seems we build better roads only when the people for whom they are being built promise to come from across the Atlantic to throw some scraps of employment our way. Otherwise what need does Onyango or Wambui have for thousands of square kilometres of paved and tarmacked asphalt on the highway?
  Even more than politics, we badly require an attitude change amongst us so that our thinking will come in line with national (not ethnic) values and not revert back to revelling in nostalgia and gaining fame and notoriety for all the wrong shameful reasons-corruption, tribalism, comical political leadership and the stigma attached to all of these deadly sins. There is a lesson hidden somewhere there for our politicians and the new administration of Government come 2008. new thinking, new direction, no excuses
  I wish Savannah coffee lounges all the best success in marketing brand Kenya-look out for a local Savannah lounge coming to a city near you
  Kenya iendelee mbele!
  
  IT'S INTEGRITY NOT THE ECONOMY STUPID

• Party With Pattni

  Posted: November 12, 2007, 2:29 pm by luke

  
  
  
  Jovial looking KENDA chairman Kamlesh Pattni yesterday launched his party manifesto with gusto. Brimming with confidence, he assured would be parliamentary aspirants vying for a seat on his party ticket that if they so wished they did not need to abandon support for their preferred presidential candidate even as they gunned for victory in up-coming elections on a KENDA platform
  Welcome to the advent of out-sourcing in politics made in Ken(da)ya-here we see KENDA as a unique second-to-none example of a multi-party open source platform-its shareware, and its free-for-all; indeed one sizes does fit all. The party (read political) has become a real party (read funfare)-all are invited and no one (person) is truly running the show . Whoever said a house divided against itself cannot stand had obviously never come across the type of parties found (thrown) in Kenyan politics-enjoy yourself thoroughly and without restraint because whoever wins you win also-sio kwa ubaya lakini hawa wakenya ndiye wapumbavu sisi ndiye werevu
  Multi-party open source politics announces but never produces any real leader(s) with whom the buck stops. Is this similar to Judas ready for his 30 pieces of silver? Indeed movement generating alot of heat without light. Still, there are other good enough reason to jivunia kuwa mkenya

• Teaching Moisim

  Posted: November 10, 2007, 7:46 pm by luke

  
  Former President Moi has appealed to Kenyans to absolve President Kibaki from blame for the mistakes committed during his five year term, saying responsibility had been assigned to people serving in his Government and they should take the blame for the wrongs
  Poor Moi, here we see him finally being forced to publicly reveal one of the dark secrets to his 24 years of being the unwanted yet unbeatable professor of politics- simply pass the buck along to somebody else, let them carry a big cross, but never claim responsibility for what people don't know you did
  The past 5 years have left us in no doubt that the incumbent President Kibaki was once one of the Professor's best students; he also excelled in hands off, eyes off and ears off style of leadership in the passive running of his Government
  In looking ahead to 2012 and the future leaders of Kenya at that time, they must not allow themselves to falsely believe that they also can avoid the consequences of dodging their responsibilities. Former President Moi's example shows that he failed to realize even to this day that as head of state he was not only responsible for what he said or did, but also for what he didn't say or do-His irresponsibility could well be the reason why Kenya lagged behind in development the way it did during his long stint as Commander-in-Chief
  During his time in power, the incumbent President Kibaki sought to make his Government take more responsibility for the improving the lives and welfare of Kenyans, assuming that those he gave responsibility to would be responsible and he would not need to crack the whip over their heads. How wrong he was-for many of his lieutenants, and indeed for all his 209 colleagues, the responsibility of governing a country justly was harder to bear than the self-inflated feeling of importance that came from many of their overnight rags to riches stories. I only hope this president has finally learnt that you can delegate authority but not responsibility. Should President Kibaki win the upcoming December general elections, he must of necessity consider cabinet portfolios as privileges not gifts to be dished out as rewards to his cronies for their loyalty to him. MPs who accept ministerial dockets should consider themselves as having an opportunity to give something back to the country they owe so much to, and instead of vice versa. Come January 2008, no alibi will be good enough for Kenyans to excuse a sitting public servant from absconding his official public duties and responsibility of uniting this country and moving the nation forward prosperously

• Focus 2012

  Posted: November 4, 2007, 1:40 pm by luke

  
  With less than 51 days to go before the ECK declared date of December 27th when the country will go to the polls for the 2007 general elections, it is becoming alarmingly clear to a growing number of concerned and right-thinking Kenyans that the 3 major political parties PNU, ODM and ODM K represent no real change whatsoever for the immediate future of Kenya. Kenyans who from as far back as 2003 in the middle of NARCs 5 year-term in office had long hoped that these fast-approaching December '07 generals would herald a much anticipated and desired break from the past old dinousaur faces with their brand of old school political thinking, and usher in the next generation of fresh-faced, new ideas-totting political "rookies" complete with a radically different approach to law and order, social justice and political governance are now having to come face to face with the harsh terms of reality that even as a ripe adult 43 years of age, Kenya is still not yet Utopia
  
  It seems the majority block of voters have almost altogether abandoned any hope of attempting to ascertain beforehand the political fitness of all 3 serious presidential contenders and their parties on major national issues. Just as certain as mwananchi A will be dipping his hand inside the ballot box to vote come rain or shine on that bright December day, it is equally certain that Mwananchi B's voting pattern will be 99% influenced by her real or imagined ethnic and propaganda considerations (read non-major national issues)
  
  What lessons can we learn from the ongoing 2007 campaigns that we can transfer and apply to the true "break-out" next generation leaders elections of 2012?
  
  Its integrity not the economy stupid. Integrity is what will keep any new future regimes from becoming exactly like the predator predecessor regime they just finished voting to remove out of power. Integrity is what will stop any elite political ruling class from believing that Kenya belongs to them and only them. Integrity is what will commit the new Government of the day to stay true to whatever reform strategy that will provide Kenyans with the changes they were promised during the campaign periods in exchange for their votes. Integrity is what will keep the President's men/women from becoming arrogant pumbavus in the short course of dispensing their public servant duties. Finally, integrity is what will kill Kenya's number 1 major economic growth buster:-the monster of corruption. I think you get the picture
  
  None of us paid almighty God to be born a kamba, kisii, masai, luya, luo or kikuyu. Next generation leaders of 2012 should prepare to begin to end the tribalist society that our children have grown up in ever since they were born and currently live in
  I hope this was not too boring God bless Kenya

• Taking The Battle To Heaven

  Posted: October 31, 2007, 8:03 am by luke

  As Mwalimu is wont to often remind us, there are no morals in politics just EXPEDIENCE. every scoundrel UNmasked has his/her use, after-all aren't we all children of the most high?we know the almighty does not gamble or play dice and as the all-knowing One surely He has already forseen the future and by now knows who is going to win elections doesn't He? Nonetheless even the almighty God's wisdom cannot deter our politicians who from both sides of the divide seek to curry His favour in hope that He changes His mind-both sides will continue to seek prayers for divine intervention, asking to be granted courage not to give up even when the cause seems hopeless. Eh mwenyezi Mungu hebu tusaidie. God bless Kenya

• Show Me How To Win An Election

  Posted: October 21, 2007, 1:51 pm by luke

  The election date is hardly set in concrete even as the deadline for the December festive season draws ever near. In the next 66 days, give or take the impending dissolution of the 9th parliament, 30 million Kenyans will dip their hands inside a ballot box, preferrably translucent not opaque, seeking to elect to office men and women who potentially could be just as incompetent as some of the current men and women office holders.
  As recently exhibited yesterday at the celebrations to mark Kenyatta day, potential political candidates have given up behaving well in the hope of being judged worthy of election or re-election as the case may be. All three national parties are banking on the fact that the electorate will give them a majority win at the polls simply because Kenyans have always voted against rather than for somebody
  What is this December 2007 election going to be about? A battle to decide the identity of the fourth president of the republic of Kenya? A system of regional and devolved federal Government versus the current system of centralised and top-down Government?The coming to a head of a centuries old political rivalry that runs deep between 2 of Kenya's largest tribes? I'm sure you have your own opinions on the what appear to be the main issues that these next general elections hinge upon
  More than in any other previous general election, what the voting majority block are seeking to be clear about this time is to ascertain beforehand the fitness (in every sense of the word) of the candidate they are backing. The bitter experience of the social and economic slavery that continues unabated after each promising annual election is still very fresh in our mouths and the democratic freedom of choice to choose is under threat of becoming a curse- its become too bewildering to know whether the daily work of plundering the country unashamedly will continue on come January 1st 2008 or whether this time the high-level feeding frenzy amongst the untouchable corrupt will be inhibited and the 43 year old national cake will be freshly shared out for the enrichment of pumbavus and non-pumbavus alike
  In looking forward to the next generation of future leaders, I console myself with the thought that with every passing year, 2012 draws ever closer and the true unconscious democracy of Kenya where all decent, hard-working mwananchi will have an equal opportunity to truly jivunia kuwa mkenya will no longer be destroyed by voting and elections
  Kenya, its your time to show you know how to win an election

• When The Chickens Don't Come To Roost

  Posted: October 18, 2007, 1:18 pm by luke

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Whether or not this December is the mother of all general elections, let us remember in the midst of it all to take time to laugh together as Kenyans, as these lovely ladies in prison have shown. Indeed for some of us, laughter is the best medicine to absorb the shock ahead as they prepare themselves for the loss of their favourite presidential candidate.

• It's Time To Employ Our Employees

  Posted: October 9, 2007, 9:43 am by luke

  There is a famous well known quote that is quite often repeated at convenient times for the sake of politcal expediency "ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country". Samplers of this quote are also quite often subscribers to another quite famous school of political thought which implies that as voters we are the government and ultimately the rulers of our own democracy. In Kenya nothing could be further from the truth. Ever since independence the corportate entity commonly known by the name K E N Y A has always had its own secret "mobitelea" shareholders whose membership has been a closed invitation open only to an elite priviledged few. The mwananchi voter has perenially found him/herself wearing the wrong shoe on the wrong foot without so much as a chance to reprise the reversal of roles. He/she belongs to a unique class of beggars who are only rich in growing numbers, owning neither wealth nor property. Kenya's lifeline known to all as the economy if used as the barometer to measure how well we've been governed the past 5 years remains the pride of a past memory circa 1970(hat-tip Mwalimu). Determined to recover from past and on-going lethal bouts with "non-existent" corruption, our lifeline still remains weak and able to sustain only a handful of outpatients, leaving the majority poverty-sick invalids ailing and resorting to either crime or a vote for change as their way out of a poverty the likes of which(as Chris reminds us) few here in Kumekucha are familiar with As we hurtle dangerously towards the December 2007 general elections violently rocked by "bado mapambano days of thunder" and "banjuka kazi iendelee" campaign rallies, its the predator that lies within that still remains the greater threat compared to the political sharks circling the murky waters of our beautiful landscape seeking capsized voters who, barely able to swim struggle to keep their heads above the tide of what is shaping up to be a purely propaganda based election campaign devoid of focus on issues of substance Steady now. voters card at the ready. voter apathy(if you had so recklessly dared to indulge yourself) keep at bay. charged emotions leave at the door. Remember it will be yet another 5 years before you get a chance to bury mother tongue and tribe in the grave marked ballot box. You owe it to yourself at least once in your lifetime to get the leadership you deserve. Will you choose to make your vote work for you or are we going to meet here again October 2012 for another showdown tastelessly punctuated with insults from Thiko and stupid pulse(excuse me, i meant Kioko and Steel Pulse) after what (i have no doubt )will be another colourless lacklustre 5 years regardless of this December's outcome PANU or ODM-the limited choice is yours. Its time to employ OUR employees.

• You Cannot Judge A Politician By His Cover

  Posted: October 2, 2007, 8:05 pm by luke

  With the type of politics we have in Kenya today and the politicians whose names feature prominently in playing that game, every Kenyan needs to become a bargain hunter of sorts, with that rare and special talent to be able to spot a rough diamond from just any odd rhombus-shaped stone or object lodged in the political landscape. Come December 2007, voters in our country must show that they have stopped taking comedians seriously and politicians as a joke
  A true politician is one who will always be there when you need them and not vice versa. Colourful oratory or charismatic appeal is no substitute for lacking in substance and principles(especially integrity). We as voters know that every 5 years during election campaigns it is necessary for our politicians to fool us, and to be honest sometimes it tastes great to swallow morsels of well told lies like a new constitution in 100 days or 1 term presidency. But Kenya is not yet Utopia
  However, what we can no longer live by are the worst lies which we make ourselves believe. "my MP does not represent my hopes, dreams and aspirations for my life, and his role is not an example i'm proud for my kids to model lakini nani hana makosa? " I hope the first 100 children who can say "mavi ya kuku" answers your question
  You reading this. Yes you. do you know the price of that voter's card you have in your hand right now? Its value is not equivalent to nothing!Use it wisely! The true value of every Kenyan depends entirely on the quality of Bunge we will compare ourselves to when we wake up on the morning of January 1st 2008
  We must never tire of walking down that weather-beaten and well-trodden path of reasoning, logic and sense As we approach December, keep the ruling faculty of your mind sound and do not let your vote degenerate into the equivalent of ethnic voting in the false name of kupiga kura kiasi.
  
  vote PANU, vote ODM, vote ODM K, vote Kenya!
  
  

Blah blah blah

Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes