Items by cuppatea

a colourful life of a gay kenyan

• Summer Dreams

  Posted: February 19, 2012, 6:11 pm by cuppatea

  You’ll understand the title when you finish reading this post.

  Pool Parties
  Relatively drama free week. My friend was celebrating her birthday on Friday, and seeing as summer’s coming to an end, she threw a pool party at a local sports club. I didn’t wear my scandalously short swimming trunks this time, instead i chose to rock some conservative shorts. Obviously there was lots of alcohol so i shan’t digress there, BUT, there was loooots of eye-candy! And cake. And water. There were all these men with fabulous bodies! And thighs. And legs. The whole works. It was a hetero party but there’s was myself and two others representing the gay crowd. Girls generally like gay guys innit?
  I have to write about the cakes. Cuppatea loves pastries and there was Pinacolada cake! YUMMY! It had pineapples and strawberries and passion fruit. It could only have come from Valentines. So so delicious…
  When i was in the changing room with a friend getting dressed for the after-party, there were these guys who were changing as well, including one i was taking spy photos of (see what booze does?). He had this whole X-factor thing going on, big, not too chiselled but the muscles were clearly there, cute face, casual. I’m sorry, but i was so distracted giving him a side glance i didn’t realize that there were two guys behaving stupidly outside.
  My friend pointed out that two others didn’t want to change with us in “the same room”. Yes we get it that we’re quite free with our expressions but boys please, changing clothes in the same room with homosexuals will not get you touched inappropriately, stared at, discussed about, e.t.c. We weren’t even discussing anything men related… We were just ourselves that day! So why does it warrant such behaviour from others? I understand not everyone’s comfortable with gay people but could you please be more discreet about it? Because there’s no way I’m going to “pretend to be like the guys” for your bloody sakes. Grow up.
  The after-party was pretty chilled out. I had to leave early though, because somebody was rushing me to go meet them. This brings me to my next experience.

  Blast From The Past
  You all know him as Person Y, my former fling(or flung seeing as it was in the past). This was the persona that made me leave an after-party, because they threw tantrums over the phone. It was really hard to leave that party so i left when no one was looking, telling only a girlfriend where i was going so that she explains to others when they asked where i was. He was in a pub, NOT drinking (yet). He’s lost weight and actually looks good. In my head i was thinking “you can smile after that tantrum on the phone?”. The basis for this meeting was that he just wanted to see how I’m doing. To cut a very long conversation short, he wants to relive 2009 again!! And then it rained.
  I’m supposed to meet him soon and give him a verdict about what i thought of his proposal. 
  I can tell you now, it’s not going to happen. Even though he’s seemingly changed, drinks less, is out of home and on his own with his own income, No. I’m happy to be there as a friend, but please no relationship/anything. I just can’t handle that amount of drama that comes from him.
  I shan’t even ride the train of “giving second chances”.
  It just won’t happen.

  Sweet Dreams
  This has been on my mind for a while. I had this dream the other day, i was at the coast at a house. And i got into the house and there was this baby. When i saw this baby i was filled with so much joy! I lifted the baby up, cuddled them and held them against the sun with nothing but pure joy in my heart. It was a sunny happy dream and this baby just really made me happy. It was a baby boy called Sam. There was a connection to this baby that I’ve never really felt.
  I woke up, and i woke my sister up. I was still feeling happy inside! But so confused. Not even men made me that happy! That was a feeling of happiness I’ve never felt before.

  I’m still searching for the meaning behind this dream i had, why do such weird dreams keep happening?
  

  P.S seriously thinking about putting a stop to this whole feeling for guys thing and thinking about other things like establishing a career.

  |Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol|

• 3 Years & Writing

  Posted: February 15, 2012, 11:38 pm by cuppatea

  When you think of anniversaries, what comes into your head?

  Today marks my 3rd year of writing about my personal life and amusing you with it.
  
  Happy anniversary to me! Whooop Whooop!

  |Buy My Love-Wynter Gordon|

• Thought for Valentine

  Posted: February 14, 2012, 10:30 pm by cuppatea

  When everyone’s concerned about proving their love on this day, the 14th of February, i had this thought running in my head that i thought i should share:

  “People wait once a year to buy expensive chocolates and gifts, I'd buy a fudge everyday and tell you "i love you." Love everyday, not just once a year.”

  |Lucky-Jason Mraz with Colbie Caillat|

• It’s Not Right, But It’s Okay

  Posted: February 12, 2012, 7:36 pm by cuppatea

  I used to be used to getting what i wanted when i was younger, but as i grew up (and getting older), it’s not that easy. Actually to get what you want, you’ve got to work hard for it isn’t it?
  
  I went shopping this weekend with a friend of mine, ended up buying two nice leather bags which I’ve just restored. I even had a little picnic in central park with him, which ended up being some gay youth picnic after about an hour, as a result of people finding out where I’m at.. It’s delightful, and yet it still puzzles me how some of my friends, older and younger, still condemn the central and Uhuru parks? Beats me. I’ll carry a sun hat next time, a picnic basket and a bottle of wine.

  So there’s this friend of mine who has moved back into the city from another city. He’s a very good friend of mine and was one of my first gay friends. Naturally he caught up with his friends, and during that picnic when he was filling us in, he mentions that he met up with a nice guy, they talk daily, they went out to clubs, and he generally likes the guy a lot. In fact he even mentioned the name of this chap, and that raised an eyebrow slightly, but i contained myself during that moment. You know, in my mind i was thinking “bloody small world” and then it clicked as to why i haven’t gone on a second date, and why i haven’t heard from the said person in a while…
  Ladies and gentlemen I’ve understood why someone’s being a poor communicator with me, because the man my friend was talking about was the man i went on a date very recently! It hurt, i tried to cancel out the thought, telling myself to stop being silly and making assumptions… but unfortunately, intuition, and the ensuing conversation that came after, really confirmed everything. Leaving the park, i was thinking to myself whether i should tell my friend that i have interests in the guy? I can really just do two things:

  • I could continue pursuing the guy and possibly wreck a good friendship and look like an utter bitch while I’m at it OR,
  • Just leave the whole issue and start looking for someone else, whilst i watch my friend go after this guy, which is the ethical thing to do.

  Truth is, they seem really nice for each other. They two have known each other for a while, and to the guy i had interests in, I’m still new and unfamiliar to him.
  Sometimes life is so unfair, but because i love my friend and i don’t want to hurt any of them, I’ll let them be. My friend’s been through lots lately, i don’t want to make his life hell. The only thing is that i wish the guy told me that he’s not into me, or something really! I’d understand… 
  I sincerely wish them all the best.

  Celibacy’s hard. (hehehe, get it? Oxymoron! No? Sod it.) Lately I’ve been having very sexual dreams. I force myself awake or the alarm rings, usually with thoughts of “why was i upside down?” or “can these dreams stop!” And the worst one being “can that be pulled off in real life?”. Oh dear. Withdrawal’s baaaaad but I’m confident I’ll maintain this state for a long while.

  Finally, She was one of the first sounds in my memory, because my mum used to play her music lots! Whitney Houston passed away Saturday. I’ll write up a post just for her real soon. The title of this post is my favourite song of hers.

  P.s I can’t help it that I’m attracted to men! If i stopped seeing them, or stopped trying to find someone to be with, then surely what would the point of writing this blog be?

  |Hungover-Ke$ha|

• Enrique Iglesias - Ayer

  Posted: February 8, 2012, 11:43 pm by cuppatea

  Enrique Iglesias - Ayer

• In February

  Posted: February 7, 2012, 10:42 pm by cuppatea

  Please Bear with me, for my post titles get increasingly shittier by the day.  
  Adventures
  I got to go for a weekend getaway at a very nice chalet that overlooks the rift valley with a couple of friends. Father dearest funded the trip, and anyway I needed such a trip, it was nice to just get out and see something new! We hired out a car, bought food and alcohol and off we went. It’s quite far off the road, we even got lost at one point but nevertheless we found it. Amazing place, chalets, a golf course, tennis courts, swimming pools… Honestly such a place motivates me to get really successful in life and own such a place, or own a chalet in such a place, would make a smashing place to go away on a week’s break. There were so many butterflies as well, and birds too! Summer’s heat which turned the grass brown gave it this out of Africa feel, like I’m out in the wild. Well technically i was. But you wouldn’t have guessed it because the place had cable, a 40inch telly and a surround system in the chalet we were in. I’m in love with that place. I’m going to hint heavily at a set of golf clubs as a graduation gift! I need to get that whole course under my sleeve.
  

  Muffled Killers
  That was the name of a news feature on one of our local news channels. It was about gay prostitutes living with HIV. First of all, congratulations to the men in that feature, they were very brave and bold for allowing themselves to interviewed and being perfectly honest with themselves, as well as the audience. It caused a trend on twitter called #muffledkillers, and it’s still trending. Of course some were supportive but majority were just plain haters (including some gays and lesbians whom i shan’t name). I get it that reporter had good intentions in highlighting that there’s such going on in society, but really, was that title of feature necessary? And then It left me with a lot of questions. Do they tell their clients they have HIV? One of them explained that he’s educated his siblings with the proceeds from his services, but contracted HIV as a result. It’s sad but amazing. As Denis Nzioka (renowned gay rights activist here) put it, “you think your husbands are angels?”
  Naturally i got homophobic slurs in school this week. People commenting on how it’s wrong, how they’re demons, how us gays are ruining society e.t.c. But it wasn’t until i realized how clueless some people are. In class this lady asked why there’s girls with short hair and look boyish, and why some men speak like women and behave like them. The lecturer told her that they’re gay. The faces of people were contorted into that of surprise, shock and anger. “why are they like that?” she asked. There was a silence.
  And then i spoke. Carefully as possible, i told her “gays and lesbians are like that naturally. It’s not a choice, it’s just a part of their behaviourism. It has always been there it’s just that the people you see who are visibly like that embraced their true selves and are comfortable.” That statement raised many an eyebrow, but was not refuted. It was a small class of 8 anyway.
  Any other comment heard or told to me has and will continue to be ignored by yours truly.

  Dating
  St. Valentines day is a week from today. Everyone’s making a fuss about it! Except me. Reaction from a friend: “OMG you’re going to be alone on valentine’s day???” Oh dear. It’s not a sin is it? And then they went on about how they’ve got into a relationship with a hot guy (he’s actually hot, go figure) and how he’s over the moon about it. In my head i remembered some documentary’s commentator saying“the lone antelope evades the lion and re-joins it’s group!” and find myself looking at another direction. “CUPPATEA!” he barks and taps my arm. “So sorry, i got lost in thought” i say. He thought i was thinking about relationships. Honey noooo, i was reminiscing about an interesting documentary i watched the other day! But i didn’t say that. I smiled and said, “i wish you all the best”.
  Meanwhile, my date from last week is a horrible communicator. A girlfriend said that perhaps he’s just busy. Let’s do an exercise shall we, pick up your phone (or minimize browser if you’re reading this on it), go to your phone book, in the search field type a name in, and select it. Then, press the green “call pick up” button on the phone and carefully place the phone next to your ear. Have conversation. When done, bid goodbye and press the red “call end” button.
  Was that difficult?

  I wish he were a better communicator, because when he talks, he’s really good at it.

  
  |Said It All-Take That|

• Most Routine Indeed: Ending January

  Posted: January 28, 2012, 1:03 am by cuppatea

  I’ve been utterly busy with this thing people call university.
  Everything from shifting time tables and shifting classes has been happening lately. Being class rep’s not a fun job, imagine putting posters everywhere to inform people a class has been moved, so that they don’t say “we weren’t informed”.

  You’ve not missed much though, My life’s been incredibly routine. School. Home. Family Errands. Repeat cycle. It doesn’t help that some of my friends have been swallowed whole by their places of work either! Everyone life is moving. Like the gears of a clock. I haven’t even gone out this month! It’s a record that I’ve been indoors a consecutive four weeks in a row. I’m going to get a medal for this. Very early in the semester and I’ve got a tonne of school work, academic research project included. Fun! Boring as it seems, at least life is as progressive as time.
  
  Sat in a coffeehouse again (they should give me loyalty cards) waiting. I cursed the pimple that formed on my forehead that morning. (Shame on it! There was anti-inflammatory creams in the house so that helped it go down.) Would they get along with me? Were they taller or shorter? Were they going to be boring or fun? Such are the thoughts and questions that run through my mind whenever i meet a person for the first time. For the first time this year, i was on a date. How did it go? I’ll tell you after the 2nd one. Yes, he’s asked to see me again. This time cupid please aim properly. I took the plunge by going on this date, please don’t let this be one be an arse.

  The night sky in the Kenyan summer (“hot season” locals call it) is a beautiful sight to gaze upon. I found myself out on my lawn, at 1am, lying down on the grass looking at the stars. It was a spectacularly warm night, and i had absolutely no sleep. Took the iPod and went outside. In nothing but my shirt and boxers! I love the cool breeze flowing over me, over the grass, and rustling the leaves of the trees and flowers. I was supposed to be listening to Laura Pausini but instead, i found myself a new age music playlist. In that playlist was a song called Imagination. There was something about the glittering stars, the crescent moon and the cool wind that made this song, which was already amazing, sound far more deep. The piano in the song is simple but so wonderful! The voices even add mysterious aura to it…
  

  And now for February.

  |Imaginatio-Amethystium|

• st-st-stutter

  Posted: January 19, 2012, 5:13 pm by cuppatea

  One of my favourite bands, Maroon 5, have this song called "stutter". It sings about how this girl is to them a "fantasy girl"...and they even sing along to say "you feel so good you make me st-st-stutter."
  So in uni there's this tall fellow I quite like,a bit athletic looking with a sweet face...I just have the tiniest crush on him because he's the cool, loner but intellectual type.
  So I see him walking towards me ans I'm walking with a friend right, and say hi to him. He greets me back and asks about a friend we have in common.
  And then I stuttered! Shit! I said I had no idea where she was at. Meanwhile the book in his hand, some random one about colonialisms in Kenya made a good distraction from my stuttering, 'coz I asked him about it and even recommended John Fox's book called "white mischief". Except now's when I'm remembering the title because I stuttered, and stuttered some more until I was like "ah, google it; it's about Lord Errol."
  We parted ways but I'm pretty sure I was red in the face, my ears were feeling pretty hot! Funny thing is, that stutter song played next on my playlist...
  
  On to the next one then hihihi
  
  |Mr.Saxobeat-Alexandra Stan|
  Sent from my BlackBerry®

• Crossed Legged Texts

  Posted: January 15, 2012, 12:17 am by cuppatea

  So why am i being laughed at for declaring celibacy?
  I was having iced tea (it’s been outrageously hot lately) with my friends on Friday, and they were quite amused at that the notion of me being sexless for a while. One of them even said “but you’re the whore of the group”. Of course he was being light hearted with that statement but inside me i was embarrassed/appalled. I could only smile.
  Personally, i think going celibate will sort of help me focus on finding something real. And besides those men were getting too comfortable. So yes, I’ve crossed my legs and they’ll remain that way for a while. I mean, Gukira can do it, why can’t i?
  
  I tend to think it’s unfair of men to bombard you with all sorts of messages, AFTER you’ve lost interest in them. Even when they themselves know that. Do they think it’s cute to send “something about you i miss” and “can’t get you out of my mind” messages? Because i genuinely don’t… I’ve not replied to them. This time i laughed loudly in the middle of a street whilst reading them. Then i put the phone back in my pocket and continued walking.

  My life continues.

  |Midnight City-M83|
  

• The Truth Hurts

  Posted: January 8, 2012, 10:47 pm by cuppatea

  It's been a week of pissing people off on my part.
  There are working class people all around me sat on different tables, and two waiters are bustling up and down serving and taking orders. To my left a beautiful woman. To my right an elderly couple. In front of me are a tall glass of milkshake and a cup of cappuccino.  This is the setting in which i came out to a lady many heterosexual friends thought would end up with me sometime in the near future, as my wife. Imagine that!I had just told her i'm gay, after having a long discussion about many other things, mostly school, life abroad, friends and the like. She told me she had gay friends. What did she feel about them, i asked her. Her response was a positive one, which prompted me to just come clean and tell her the truth.  This is a most fantastic woman with whom i've climbed mountains with, called when she felt home sick, encouraged her when she was stressed with schoolwork, and generally been there for her when she needs me. The states can be a difficult place to live in especially when you're homesick.
  Her reply to me, she said "i knew it." 
  I don't like disappointing people but i could tell she was a little disappointed, though she told me she'd always suspected i'm gay. The truth hurts.
  Have you ever been in a situation where you look like the evil one for speaking the truth? Could someone please show me how to tell a friend a man isn't good for them WITHOUT looking like an evil person that doesn't want to see a friend progress? Because my true sentiments about a person were aired and the feedback wasn't appreciated. I'm sorry, i'm blunt, i don't like beating round the bush but when it comes to friends i care about and i hear nasty stuff about their men of course i'm going to warn them. Even if it makes me look like a liar and warrants me being ignored/censored for a while (or ever; Lord knows). After all, where there's smoke there's usually fire. The truth hurts.
  When i told yet another friend that it's impolite to "gate crash" a function they weren't invited for they get offended. It's basic good manners, there's a reason you weren't invited and that's because the event wasn't mine. The hostess planned it for her friends only, i was merely helping out where i could, because that's what brother's do for family innit? The truth bloody hurts i know. But that's the case. It's most unfortunate that they didn't want to understand. 
  
  What's frustrating is that when you keep quiet and they still find out stuff, moreso when they find out you knew all along, you still get into crap with them. 
  It's quite difficult being a friend sometimes.
  |Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough-Patty Smyth| 
  

• New Year Notes

  Posted: January 4, 2012, 12:43 pm by cuppatea

  The year has started off relatively drama free!
  I didn't get up to much on new years' eve, i went for an Indian dinner then i found myself at a club, complete with confetti and party masks. I didn't even get high that night, which is a good thing! 
  Unlike most people who've been at the coast or in their beds resting, i've been running up and down running errands and businesses. One thing i've learned is that it's definitely not easy and it certainly needs a lot of patience. I've not even gone to uni yet to register for what was supposed to be my final semester. I'll get round to doing that soon though, i've got quite the long semester ahead of me. 
  I'm still curious as to why the man from December is trying to communicate with me after i made it clear he's not suited for me. To be nice I've picked up or replied his texts, but now this is getting too much. He'd have been a great guy for 18 year old me, but the current me feels otherwise! I don't like this sort of behaviour because i sense motive. Does he think i'll have seen he's changed, when he's already shown me what he's really like? He is the reason i'm currently disinterested in dating at the moment. 
  Whilst i know i'm not the only one he's fucking, my shag buddy decided to cruise a gay hookup site in my presence. Aghast i was, it doesn't really hit you until you see it for yourself! Furthermore, i know he's doing two acquaintances of mine. I did a little homework after witnessing that. I don't know if they know about me though. I at one point thought he was getting attached to me, but that's clearly not the case. I hid my sentiments from him about the issue, but clearly it's time i moved on from all that.
  I suppose the main goal for the year is to graduate university. That's all the way in October. I've not set others but they'll come as time moves on. Being fit is one of them but it's quite demotivating when you go to the gym to check their rates and you find that it's out of your reach. I'll go buy some running shoes and shorts. 
  So far with the little time i had at home, i took organization into my own hands! Yes i got tired of my wardrobe looking like hurricane Katrina struck, so that was sorted, next up is my bookshelf. Bloody thing struggles to support itself with all the books there hahaha! I've also been cooking lots, from new years day dinner to a most interesting aubergine and capsicum stir fry... All of these things pretty homely. 
  Anyway, lets see what the year brings forth.
  |Domino-Jessie J|

• Your Questions Among Others: End Year Review

  Posted: December 30, 2011, 10:31 pm by cuppatea

  Fascinating year 2011 has been isn't it, use 3 words to describe it.
  I wouldn't use the term "fascinating", lets go with "adventurous", "retarded" and "lessons".
  What goals were you able to accomplish this year?I quit taking sugar in my tea and coffee! And smoking. I'm very pleased with myself. I let myself loosen up a little bit. I tried taking sugared up tea, i couldn't go past 3 sips. 
  What were you thinking by telling your mother you're gay?You know she's confused right? perhaps i need to be more direct with her. I was pretty fed up that night, t'was the day i was dumped haha! I felt...tired. It reaches a point where you're like "i'm so done with this" and let the cat out of the bag. In her case, she's put the bloody thing back in the bag.
  Why aren't you dating your shag buddy? You write nice things about him (or them). They not interested in being in a relationship. They made that clear from the day i met them. I might have this notion around me that i get what i want but really, i found them; and i derive some sort of pleasure from them. No strings attached. I sometimes wonder what they'd be like as boyfriends. My guess possessive! One of them might be getting attached though.
  What was that one month thing you had in October?Well, i'd met this nice guy earlier in the year, talked and all. He's a complicated soul, and saw ahead of me that it was better off terminating it early instead of running into issues later. Learned lots from that experience.
  Did you have an affair this year?
  Didn't you read? LOL I wish i did, it'd have made your reading experience a lot more interesting hahaha! But seriously, affairs are disastrous, and i couldn't possibly, ever bring myself to another.
  Do you still think of and miss superman?What a question! Sometimes, small things trigger memories. Be it a place, statement, person that looks like him or songs. The things i hear about him worry me at times, but i've genuinely moved on.
  Why do you drink so much, you even injure yourself in the process?Sadly! Um, It's probably in my genes. True story. My friends are partly to blame as well! As are hidden holes and or furniture. Great, i've made myself sound like a drunk! I'll try and drink less in 2012.
  
  What was the most interesting place you visited this year? Malindi, the northern Coast of Kenya. Really magical small town. Hopefully in 2012 i'll go further up and see the fabled town of Lamu. They've got donkeys there...and very nice tour guides ;-)
  Any Goals for 2012?
  To graduate! Okay really, i've not put much thought into what goals i want to achieve in the coming year yet. Those usually come to me in January. 
  
  You like music evidently, what's been your favourite album or song of the year?
  Difficult question! There's been the new Amy Winehouse Album called Lioness:Hidden Treasures, then German Trance Artist ATB had his album Distant Earth, there's also Colbie Caillat's all of you, it's been a very good year for music. It's difficult to pick but if i had to it'd be Amy, because she covers some amazing songs like Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow? and even sings with Tony Bennet. It's one of those albums you really sing along to anywhere, albeit loudly. What, you thought i'd forget to mention Lady GaGa's born this way album? I think it's on every gay's playlist! Mine included. Weird, questionable music but songs like Sheibe get my feet tapping. So Amy wins! It's not bias, it's talent.
  Any good films you've watched in 2011?Well i'm horrible with film watching but i did like Thor, & Fast Five (shitty story line, the car chase scenes were epic though).
  What in your opinion was your best moment this year?I'm torn between watching the sunrise recently in other worldly states or the sunset walk i had while on holiday... 
  Worst moment?Going back uni, only to be told your good friend died in surgery, that was horrible.
  And on to the most delicious meal, what was it? Sea food salad! All sorta sea fish and organic vegetables with thousand island dressing served with white wine. I went on for a 2nd round. 
  Most Awkward moment?Being busted by my brother making out with another bloke in the car outside my home... Tihihi? There's the benefit of  doubt because it was dark...or so i'd like to believe.
  Everyone has embarrassing moments, what was your most embarrassing one this year? So my gay friend and i were walking in campus right, and this fiiiiiiiiiiiine guy walks by in the opposite direction! I'm like daaaaaayum he's fiiiiine and my friend's like mmmm yes as we check out the bloke stealthily. After he passes by i say mmm i'd like some of that! and my friend goes like aaaiii he's so mine, tafuta ingine (look for another one) and then we start talking like African-Americans, the Laquisha or Laverne/Shaniqua type and i say Ooooh heeeeell naw hun, that man's so mine and do the whole finger snapping and head movement, and my friend retaliates with oh no girl, he's mine!, AND THEN a lecturer passes quickly moving in front of us saying a very meek hello... We're both so shocked and embarrassed we cringe and say hi back. After he walks ahead i'm like oh hell he saw everything... HAHAHA! My friends' like mscheeeeeew so embarrassing. 
  Then we both laughed loudly! :-) Goodness if the ground could swallow me up that would've been the best moment!
  
  Where will you be on Christmas eve?I genuinely don't know. I'd like to say in the safe confines of my bed BUT we all know that's lying to myself...
  
  Any parting shot, comment, anything you'd say about the year 2011 in general?you know how in south park in the opening scene, where the opening song ends and there's an explosion of some building and there's a guy who's jumped away from it? that one. 
  Anyway, through good times and bad i will always remain your cuppatea.
  Finally, you end 2011 with which song?
  All i need is you-ATB ft Sean Ryan. It's the one currently playing in the background.
  see you next year. 
  
  
  

• Christmases unlike no other

  Posted: December 26, 2011, 11:59 pm by cuppatea

  Merry Christmas, Happy Boxing day and Seasons' greetings from me cuppatea! :-)
  I hope Santa Claus was good to all of you and gave you pleasant gifts and surprises! Personally i still wonder how he knows who's been naughty or good; does that make him a peeping Tom or perv? No one knows...
  
  I met up with the bloke that wanted the second date. It didn't end well. For him at least, i'm fine though. I gave him a short lecture about his behaviour. I really didn't expect to do that to a 30 years+ man. Basically i told him that i'm not comfortable with the idea of dating him given his actions. He said sorry and he respects my decision. I said goodbye and i didn't look back. 
  
  My Christmas day was quite different from what i'm used to... I was asleep almost the whole day. This is because i'd been out on Christmas eve with some good friends of mine! I have very little recollection of what happened, but i do know this, i was in a park by myself at 6.15am Christmas morning high as a kite watching the sun rise! Now before you lecture me on safety, please note that i wasn't robbed and that i still have all my personal belongings. 
  I still don't know how i found myself at a park, but i can tell you this, it was one of the most surreal experiences of my life. The silence, cold mist combined with the sun's golden rays in a dark sky with light fluffy clouds was the most beautiful thing i've seen all year! 
  And then i had an hour long chat with two watchmen who man the entrance of the park. i don't know how i slipped past them to begin with...and I can't really recall the conversation, but i think it was something about Christmas and why they're working and the economy. I even gave them "Christmas Money". Oh, i fell at some point too! The marks on my chin, the large patch of dirt and grass on my pants are dead giveaways. Ouch.
  So getting into the house at 8am and blacking out was the way i spent my Christmas day. I did wake up later on, apologizing to my siblings about my behaviour. They understood. Stayed awake, watched a film with them and had Christmas dinner! Not bad at all. 
  Getting into bed i was utterly exhausted, hangovered, battered, you name it! I doubt i'll be drinking that much anytime soon.
  I've got the coming week off so i'll probably use it to catch up on sleep, read those books i got and generally unwind properly...
  P.s i found chopsticks in my trousers too... My friends have some explaining to do.
  |Winter Wonderland-Michael Buble|
  
  
  

• Laid Back Weekends

  Posted: December 19, 2011, 12:04 am by cuppatea

  My weekend was rather relaxed... No dancing or extreme activity, just one well spent.
  Friday was the day i decided to hold a Friday coffee with friends before they traveled upcountry for the festive season. Nothing fancy, it was quite hot that day so i had an iced tea as we caught up. There's also an ice cream parlor that has ridiculously cheap but tasty pistachio ice-cream too! 
  The man i've come to dislike was to call me that day to meet but as guessed correctly, he didn't. This was realized when i was watching a musical with my other friends. I told myself i'd call him the following morning because quite frankly, i was fed up. 
  Saturday Morning, i woke up with my dog in my face. Shove her a bit, I pick up the phone and dial. I'm dialing that man seemingly for the last time. For a man that used to communicate daily, he told me he was "overtaken by events". So when asked if i could see him that day he said he was busy. Even 30 minutes? Nope. Alright Mister busy, stay that way. 
  
  I was going to have family over that day, and thank heavens my aunties brought a big bottle of Italian wine that they ended up not liking! Children of today are on steroids i believe, they're utterly hyperactive! If i'm going to be a gay dad i'll make sure my children are settled. The wine helped me remain calm throughout the day. It was the last day i'd see some members of my family, as they'd be flying out the next day. As i went to bed i told myself they'd be no more communication with that man. My suspicions and analyses, as well as advice from friends were confirmed, the man isn't interested in me any more. So that story has died right there! Meanwhile i kept the wine bottle for referral. 
  
  Sunday Morning was a little bit chaotic, suitcases not closing (duh, all those clothes for a month's trip and you didn't fold them? Woman really?) misplaced passports etc but everything was found and done properly. And they left! My cousin was around so he gave me a ride to my friends place. We were having Sunday Lunch when everyone else was at Blankets and Wine. I got home and decided to sleep while that nice feeling of completeness was still there. Besides, i needed to wake up early to work.
  
  ...Which were promptly put to a halt Monday Morning when the matatu strike affected my workers commutes. Honestly this country of mine never ceases to amuse me! In fact tax payers should go on strike because to be quite frank, all these strikes, price hikes, and whatnot are just ridiculous! A few calls later the decision to stay indoors and resume work tomorrow was made. 
  And then the man whom i got out of my system decides to communicate. I stared at that message thinking I should ignore this but because i have a heart i decided to be polite and reply. He was asking what i was up to today and i told him i had businesses to run. His response was work and shopping. No mention of wanting to meet. I dismissed him by telling him to enjoy his activities. His reply of "hoping to meet soon" was ignored. He'll keep hoping, i'm done with that chapter.
  Sometimes, a knight in shining amour is just an bloody fool dressed in tin foil... 
  
  |In God's hands-Nelly Furtardo|

• Living Within & Liking Beyond My Means

  Posted: December 15, 2011, 11:26 pm by cuppatea

  Today's been a slightly okay day, one of my friends made it bearable, mostly because i hadn't seen her since September. But i need to rant and vent. Please run along if you don't want to hear a gay man bitch about issues. Stay if you want to be slightly amused.
  Living Within My Means 
  I don't like lying to myself. That's why when something expensive comes up and it's not being paid for, i choose to not participate in it, because really, a student like me has no income(yet) and my family wouldn't see importance is spending so much money on a certain activity.
  I miss many an opportunity for such reasons, like beach parties that cost and arm and a leg (at times a liver), or random raves over the week or expensive shopping trips. Now because of this i get called all sorts of things like "looser" or "party pooper" but  shrug them off. Because if i got into such activities i'd be bankrupting myself for the month.
  Case in point: Today i went book shopping with some friends. The places i get my books sell them Ksh 200 (around $1.25) because book stores are quite expensive with the titles I'm looking for. There's this event called blankets & wine that many people like to go for. You go with a picnic basket of your own food and drink (or buy whatever's there) and listen to whichever artist are performing in a nice, garden scaped area.
  There's a duet of South Africans called liquideep who are coming to perform this Sunday at the B&W event. I really like these guys but i cannot go because quite simply, i can't afford to spend that amount of money of a concert at this time, Since my cousin fell ill with cancer all funds have been channeled in her direction. Anyway, i told my friend i can't make it. One of the just rubbished me in front of the other. He's also gay FYI. I'm a little bit shocked about that and i wanted to react and cite my reasons as to why i couldn't attend, but i just kept quiet. Then he brought up the pasara incident of two years ago and made it look like my fault when all along it was him and the other fellow who caused drama.
  Yeah my mood for the afternoon was pretty much ruined. But i stayed. And the afternoon went on. 
  It's upsetting when people treat you that way. It's probably a good thing for me to miss the event. I have their album anyway, i was just going to see the tall singer fellow perform. He's called Ziyon. 
  And then the matatu i got into ran out of fuel, about 20 metres away from the fuel station. The irony was overwhelming.
  Liking Beyond My MeansI met this guy sometime back. Met him physically one afternoon during my study leave (he was in my home area) and the bloke had insisted we meet. From our conversations over the phone, he'd been jovial, happy guy that made me laugh. He'd ask how my day was or what i was up to. I'd also ask similar, send the odd flirtatious text, be open and frank about my thoughts and opinions on things. Any sane person can see these are signs of a person that's into you. He's quite good looking, semi-muscular, tall, well spoken and outgoing. I liked him.
  However, we are yet to go on a 2nd date, and he travelled over the weekend that's just passed, which is the weekend i went out. We'd have met up but it seems our schedules weren't flexible. On the rave, I try to reply or answer phone calls when i can, but it's really rude and or the place is loud so i can't pick up. The messages started sounding a bit off but i assumed it was because he was under pressure at work. I send texts of encouragement at times. But recently whenever i send text messages i get back smiley-less, 3 or 4 worded messages in return, or calls that go unpicked. Today, i get a text message saying "i deserve to be happy". First of all Nairobi men, please stop using that line. It's getting old. My intuition tells me something's wrong, so when i ask what that meant and why he said such he's like "I'm sorting grain from the chaff." I didn't know whether to take that as an insult or a compliment. Heart says the former. I tell him know how to respond to that. My cousin calls and during that call, he tries to call 6 times. When i make my cousin hang up to speak to him, he acts like he's done nothing wrong with that message. What the hell is this? I tell him i was perturbed by his message. It really left me speechless. He's trying to find out what I'm up to but i just tell him I'll speak with him about it when next i see him. 
  I've not gone on a second date with this guy and I'm getting this much attitude? It doesn't work that way.
  I mean how is it you're really nice to someone, break your own rules to meet them, encourage them, be honest and open with them, and then tables turn around?? Does he know who he's talking to and dealing with? Evidently not.  Fuck that, I'd rather stay single than continue with all this bullshit I'm getting from him. In fact it's even good it presented itself early lest in invested myself more into him.
  I think the next chap i meet will have a difficult time getting me to warm up to him.
  
  End of rant.
  |Midnight City-M83|

• Hillary Clinton on “Free and Equal in Dignity and Rights”

  Posted: December 13, 2011, 6:58 pm by cuppatea

   
   

  "Today, I want to talk about the work we have left to do to protect one group of people whose human rights are still denied in too many parts of the world today. In many ways, they are an invisible minority. They are arrested, beaten, terrorized, even executed. Many are treated with contempt and violence by their fellow citizens while authorities empowered to protect them look the other way or, too often, even join in the abuse. They are denied opportunities to work and learn, driven from their homes and countries, and forced to suppress or deny who they are to protect themselves from harm. I am talking about gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people, human beings born free and given bestowed equality and dignity, who have a right to claim that, which is now one of the remaining human rights challenges of our time. I speak about this subject knowing that my own country's record on human rights for gay people is far from perfect."
  

  
  Hillary Rodham Clinton's landmark address before the United Nations in Geneva . The full speech can be found here. Photo courtesy of Advocate.com.
  

• For Independence

  Posted: December 12, 2011, 9:22 pm by cuppatea

  It's my country's independence anniversary. 48 years of independent rule! Yet right now we have doctors strikes, increasing living costs and depressing news. Gotta love +254...

  I'm on holiday finally, but the feeling hasn't quite sunk in yet... Yes i went out on Friday and Saturday, and went for a Barbeque Sunday evening but the feeling just isn't there yet.
  Perhaps it's all this whirlwind of activity in the family. My cousin's cancer returned, it's quite bad so her, her mother and my mother are flying out to India. This leaves me with my mother's business in my hands, because all my other siblings are employed. I wasn't even asked, i was told "you'll man the the shop." There goes my holiday. It's such a boring place to be in... So Christmas and New years as a family will be spent without her. First time ever. I don't think i'll be going down to the coast either. I was utterly stoked about going but these new developments put a wet blanket on those plans. If this is getting independent… sigh.

  I was out Friday and Saturday, and Sunday Afternoon. Friday was just an accident but i suppose it was inevitable that i'd be out with my schoolmates. You see i was actually heading home after a good coffee session with one of my girlfriends, and this lady's like "you aren't going home, twende!", and honestly i just couldn't say no. At one point of the night i got lost looking for the club i was in, where we were there's 5 clubs in one building. the gents are at a common place. Since they all had back doors, i entered the wrong one! Four times. Frustrated was i, i sat down at a counter of one of them and ordered another drink, as i asked the bartender for directions while i tried to ask my friends to meet me outside. Nevertheless i had fun, and got home at some ungodly hour reeking of a brewery.

  Saturday was just one of those days that had no bearing. It started off with visiting big daddy. I needed to stretch bend and unwind.  When i got to the city, i ended up having lots of free time so i took myself book shopping. State of the union by Douglas Kennedy. I met up another friend for tea, while i waited on my partner in party crime to arrive. I was going for the BLNRB concert that was held at the railways club. Loud, loud concert with interesting urban sounds. And it wasn't even that packed which was fantastic. Yet again, i got home at an ungodly hour. My ears were and still are, ringing.

  Once a while someone throws a Sunday Barbeque. My friend was celebrating his 3rd year of one of his businesses (really people have such interesting reasoning) and i was invited to go. My dear audience, your cuppatea will get fat by the time January gets here, i don't recall eating that much roast meat in ages! He invited us to his home. There, we had a really good chat about lots of things. When I got home in time to speak with my father, I was tipsy, and in that state i say pretty much what's on my mind. Refer to my first paragraph of this post. He said "you'll be fine". Just that.

  Now it's Monday evening, today all i did was spend time with family, write this post, and bake a cake!  A yummy coffee flavoured cake.

  i’ll put a methodology of cake making next time i bake. The cake’s recipe can be found here.

   

   

  Meanwhile, my holiday continues…
  
  |Elvensong-Amethystium|

• JbDubs - I Hate My Job (Official Music Video)

  Posted: December 5, 2011, 7:42 pm by cuppatea

  
  There seems to be an increasing trend in such; Men in heels dancing interesting styles. Fun!

• World Aids Day 2011

  Posted: December 1, 2011, 7:01 pm by cuppatea

  Every year i write about HIV/AIDS posts during world AIDS day. The theme this year is “Getting to Zero”. That means, zero infections, zero AIDS-related deaths and zero discrimination.
  There’s always the talk of abstinence among the youth. I’m sorry that’s just not happening. The reality should be safety among the youth. You can even see it with me myself, this year has been one of my most sexually active years! But i play it safe. The thing is, i’m not sure if others are. Alcohol, drugs, basically with high drunken sex one tends to forget. It nearly happened to me this year but i was adamant that he wore a condom. It’s a little funny seeing a drunk man putting one on, but hey, the feeling of safety is assuring.

  As we celebrate this day, i’ll leave you with a scenario i had about 2 weeks ago, during an HIV/AIDS drive held at my university.

  In the university grounds, cuppatea and his guy friends are getting tested for HIV. They’re stood outside a white tent waiting on results, talking, after having been tested. A short, young lady in a brown skirt and white blouse appears from the tent.

  Counsellor: Your results are ready, Kujeni ndani. (Come inside.)
  Me: Alrighty.
  Friend 1: Ghai Mwathani! (Oh my God!)
  Friend 2: Wacha Zako… Ebu Ingia! (Stop it, enter inside)
  Me: It’s good to know, i can go first inside if you like.
  Friend 1: We ingia tu, mimi na ngoja hapa mpaka utoke. (you just enter, i’ll wait here until you get out)
  Me: Cool.

  Enters tent

  Counsellor: So what do you think your results are?
  Me: Negative.
  Counsellor: Good, yours is a negative result. Keep up your standards and safety.
  Me: Thanks! I’ll tell my friends to enter now.

  Leaves tent

  Friend 2: Unasmile, hujapata. (you’re smiling, you’ve not got it)
  Me: How do you know? Naeza kuwa nayo (i can have it) but i could be deceiving you. Thats what lots of people do when they get tested with friends. Ingia (enter).
  Friend 1: Aai siwezi! (I can’t!) Leaves area.
  Me: Shida yake ni nini? (What’s his problem?) OI! Kuja tu si mbaya kujua! (Just come it’s not bad to know!)
  Friend 2: Mwache tu. (Just leave him).
  Me: Lakini asipojue status yake (if he doesn’t know his status) how will he be at peace with himself?
  Friend 2: Sijui! Lakini you can’t force watu wajue. (you can’t force people to know) It’s up to them.
  Me: But he took the test, surely what’s the point when you won’t pick up the results?
  Friend 2: Ataenda siku moja, ni vile kuna stigma bado.
  Me: Sighs. I hope for his sake and others his results were negative.
  Friend 2: Sitashtuka kama ajawai testiwa. (I won’t be shocked if he’s never been tested before.)
  
  Counsellor appears again from the tent
  
  Counsellor: Rafiki wako akowapi? (Where is your friend?)
  Friend 2: Alihepa! (he ran off!)
  Counsellor: Shakes head. Nani mwengine? (who’s next?) 4 girls appear.

  Cuppatea and his friend are walking to class.
  
  Me: My finger good heavens!
  Friend 2: Nini?
  Me: i know that counsellor lady grew up around a farm.
  Friend 2: Why do you say that?
  Me: The way she got the blood out of my finger, it’s like she was literally milking the bloody thing out the way one milks a cow!!
  Friend 2: nods head grinning
  

  
  

  This is just one of many instances that’s happened when getting an HIV/AIDS test. Especially with friends. I tried to talk the fellow into getting a test but he wouldn’t hear anything of it. The best i could do was tell him to make sure he asks what his sex partner’s HIV status is before he sleeps with them, and to carry and wear a condom whenever he engages in sex.
  
  That goes for all of you!
  
  |Last Night-Diddy ft Keysha Cole|

• Party Don't Stop - Camp Mulla feat. Collo (Official Music Video)

  Posted: November 30, 2011, 10:27 pm by cuppatea

  
  This group's got real talent! They ought to succeed.

• Nyumbani (home)

  Posted: November 27, 2011, 4:02 pm by cuppatea

  I'd love to tell you about crazy stuff that's happened to me like dates, the rave, friends, experiences and all but i can't! Why? Because none of that's happening! I'm doing my semester finals... again.
  Yes it's that period where i isolate myself from the world and friends physically and immerse myself in books and a clock-work routine of Home-school-library-exam room-home etc. Two more weeks to go to the December Holidays. 
  I don't mind that this period makes me "un-cool" because i'll be having the last laugh eventually when i'm earning a decent salary. Even if some ad-exec told me 10% of what i learn is used outside.
  Being at home, or Nyumbani as it's called in Swahili, has been relaxing. Okay i might have cleared a bottle of rum with a girlfriend the other day but aside that i've been clean! No sex either. I'm actually going celibate because well, it's not enough. There's also a fair amount of reading done. And the occassional game sessions on my playstation. Home's also making me eat lots! 
  The downsides with being home is the usual clawing at each other, i had a tiff with my mother again (she hang up on me, fun!) and my cousin's in hospital again, sigh. Every home has it's dramas i guess.
  And that's about it! Right now my life's not exciting at all. Save for the drunk texts i get lately, keep them coming i enjoy a good laugh when i wake up.
  Bring on December already! 
  |Coming Home-Sauti Sol|
  
  

• dating below

  Posted: November 13, 2011, 11:53 pm by cuppatea

  "I refuse to lower my standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs."- Steve Gamlin. 

  "My friends would say it's okay but they'd judge me behind my back for dating a person like him.
  There'd be that awkward moment when he wouldn't relate with what either my friends or self are talking about.
  His friends would find me expensive and spoiled. 
  She'd be intimidated by my own friends.
  it just can't work." 

  
  I chose to begin with seemingly notorious quote that's gracing people's status updates.
  And then i did some research last week.
  The above represents various responses i got when i asked some of my friends if they'd date a person who's from the lower middle or lower class areas of society. I couldn't help myself but question them this, "But why does what your friends think about them matter so much?"
  One of them said "it'll bring issues like a Mexican soap, one of them might be uncomfortable with the situation, say like when you pay an expensive bill and they can't. It bruises some of them ego-wise." 
  So when i asked "so why not come down to their level, i mean assuming you really liked them wouldn't you do anything to be happy with and for them?" the answer i got was a saddening one, "i'd try but you know it would affect my image..." Wow, superficial much?  Dating someone who's not socially well off as you are happens everywhere. In many cases it does work between the two. 
  When i was asked "Would you as cuppatea agree to date someone who's raised humbly, comes from a lesser background, and lives in a place like zimmerman?" 
  I'll tell you my answer after this.
  The gay society in Kenya is quite the judgmental one, at least from what i've seen and experienced so far. It actually bothers me that it matters to people whom it is you choose to court and get into relationships with. If you're not a strong person emotionally i realize, some people can actually tear your relationship apart because they air their various opinions like "oh my goodness how can he date such a shady person, i wouldn't want to be seen with them." By the way, that statement is real, it came (sadly) from a acquaintance of mine. I've seen relationships with guys my age of both gay and heterosexual orientations, fall apart because they listened to all the slander that came from society. Mind you, most of those throwing negative comments were single! 
  I'm not saying that anyone who's in such a situation will receive negative comments, as a matter of fact i know several that have received praise and work just fine, in fact a certain pair have courted for almost 3 years now. People just need to look at themselves and be real. Happiness is everywhere, you just have to have an open mind...it's supposed to be immaterially based. Think Miranda and Steve from sex and the city, She was a high flying corporate lawyer and he was a bartender! Interesting outcomes can arise from simplicity. 
  "As long as their personality is one that gets along with mine & they're presentable and polite, i wouldn't have a problem dating such a person" was the answer i gave back. 
  
  |Someday-Atemi|
  
  

• Conditional Aid & Homosexual rights: a sample response

  Posted: November 9, 2011, 1:33 pm by cuppatea

  Very recently, UK's PM David Cameron announced in a nutshell that aid will be suspended to developing countries who oppress homosexuality and human rights. Reading the East African this morning, i came across this opinion on page 17 in the November 7th-13th issue (this weeks paper) by a man called Generali Ulimwengu, a Tanzanian columnist:
  
  

  "African men are a macho lot, and for many the very idea of a man-on-man sexual partnership is anathema. Woman-on-woman also.
  A man was created specifically to have liaison with a woman, and a woman was created as a tool, exclusively to serve the man, in both productive and reproductive pursuits.It is inconceivable that two such tools would dream of having a liaison other than with the man.
  Rather like the tractor dating the combine harvester on the farm.No self-respecting African man would let another man pay for his and his wife's and his children's upkeep."

  
  Retarded thinking isn't it? Just like the Ghanaian President, he joins a bandwagon of backward minds that fail to understand the basic issue of human rights. Heck, i should add women's rights as well, seeing as he called them "tools".
  
  It always fascinates me that in this day and age we have people with such mindsets. Does he know that some of his colleagues, friends and family are possibly gay as well? It's not his fault though, that he thinks this way. Many Africans, especially those from rural areas, have been brought up with the notion that homosexuality is "ungodly and unafrican". Ideas taught by teachers, church movements and general societal norms and principles instilled rudimentary thoughts in not just Ulimwingu, but many others like him.
  
  Honestly speaking as a 22 year old gay student, my analysis of the society thus far has shown me that there's very few individuals, usually restricted to the smaller circles of exposed persons, that think about liberalization of human rights and graft as a way of progress in developing Africa. It is not just limited to Infrastructure, Health and Education. Unfortunately, these open individuals are outside the government. Yes they'll air their opinions but as always, corrupt and stiffly governments laugh them off.
  
  Mr. Cameron is quite smart in making his aid conditional, in that if Africa has to progress as a continent, some fundamentals have to be observed, adopted and followed, beginning with the most basic; human rights. Actually, people are saying that Mr. Cameron is oppressing developing countries. Have those countries stopped to look at what they're doing to minority groups, let alone women? And what of corruption/graft regarding those funds given to them?
  Mr. Cameron is being nice by telling them "look, you have rampant discrepancies in the way you handle the funds we give to you but we'll start with human rights first, sort them out." That is the message, plain and clear, he's telling them. And their replies? Refer to the letter Ulimwengu wrote here. One of many crude responses.
  
  Developing countries aren't used to being given conditions. They are however, used to sticking their hands out with bowls in hand, begging for Aid which they'll have difficulties paying back. The same aid that will find its way into the pockets of their corrupt selves. I long for the day when aid is given and is put to 100% use with it's payback on track.
  
  Finally, i can only imagine that China is rubbing it's arm with glee, looking to put it's policies of unconditional aid in exchange for resources they need to use. If developing countries won't listen to their donors, they'll run to China's government.
  
  Are we doomed?
  
  |Julie-Take That|
  

• November Could Amuse…

  Posted: November 5, 2011, 2:05 pm by cuppatea

  I was out shopping yesterday, the weather was right and the company was good. I can’t explain why i’m so attached to leather! It’s tough, feels good and it’s cow skin being put to good use!
  One thing with shopping is that i get hungry after. It was National Sandwich Day in America yesterday so i’d honoured it by having one when i got back to the city centre, it was really good. Screw you diet i prefer fine eating that having bat shit minuscule servings of fishy things like leeks… Shopping and sex, i think these two make women and gay men happy.

  November usually tends to be a boring month. The events aren’t as many and considering semester finals are around the corner, it gets busy as well!

  Now to start the post properly. Ladies and gentlemen i was at it again!

  We know of a very good song called “beng beng beng” by Femi Kuti, one of the more famous African musicians.
  So November started off with a bang!
  By bang (or beng) i mean sex.
  It wasn’t an accident neither was it orchestrated. I went to visit my rugby playing friend, and that evening when we were both mellow, i found myself in bed with him. The sex however, was not mellow. For me, a guy who’s energetic and creative in bed gets me really started, you want to work? I’ll make you work till you sweat! Which is exactly what i did with him. I think that Kings of Leon song “sex on fire” is the most appropriate song for such a scene! Seriously, I got to flex, coil and bend in all manner of positions! He drove it higher and higher and was really good with speed, effort, comfort! 
  It was like a really good yoga exercise, as a matter of fact when it comes to sex and grading, that guy has 8.5/10! You can’t give a perfect score. He’s a really good top though!
  All this on a Tuesday…!
  Sex in my opinion shouldn’t be a task, it’s an event. It should make you shake with all this energy after, make you light headed. Not a drab thing of “oh let’s get it over and done with”…

  The month should continue on such a high note! My God that was good sex…

  |Beng Beng Beng-Femi Kuti|

• Ending October: Thunderstorms

  Posted: October 30, 2011, 11:19 pm by cuppatea

  Yes here in Nairobi thunderstorms aren’t very popular. My frail little umbrella and i were nearly carried away by the violent winds we’ve been having lately that come with the storms.
  Friday started off on a high note, i had a date on that day! I looked neat i think. I was going to meet that nice fellow i was introduced to the other day. Unfortunately, i got stood up! And the traffic headed home was absolutely horrible!
  Sitting in standstill traffic, with the rain, on a hill that inclines 55 degrees with a grumbly cab driver and two of your friends sleeping, i thought to myself and asked this very basic question, “what are manners nowadays in this gay society of mine?” and clicked my tongue. I believe it’s written as NKT typographically.
  I got an apology today from him. A full two But that story dies here. He’s not a serious contender that one.

  Watched a play this weekend, The house of Bernada Alba by Federico Lorca. Acted by the phoenix players, i found this play very interesting! The character of Bernada reminds me that of my own mother!

  I’m currently reading a thousand brilliant suns by  Khaled Hosseini. It’s such a gripping book, in two days i’ve almost completed it! I’m going to go and find his other book after i finish this one.

  November, November, what do you have in store for me?

  |5 & 6- Naeto C|

• Out again

  Posted: October 27, 2011, 12:10 am by cuppatea

  Today i was casually sat in class, waiting on a club meeting to begin whilst i read a novel, when a schoolmate of mine came and sat next to me. She’s tall, beautiful, with a strong attitude. She dresses with class. She had a scarf around her head. It’s amazing she’s single, but like me, she’s pretty selective.
  
  Her: ”hi, sorry to bother you but i wanted to ask you something important.”
  Me: “That’s alright, what’s on your mind?”
  Me: “Okay, don’t take it personally, and i know you’re not, but some of my friends were talking and i heard them say “you’re gay” and i told them no, you’re not. You’re not like that”
  
  I knew where this conversation was heading. I smiled, put my book down and turned to face her. Her face had an aspect of nervousness and curiosity at the same time. She gripped her leather bag firmly with both her
  
  Her: “So i just wanted to ask and confirm, are you…you know…like that?”
  Me: (smiling still) by saying “like that” you mean gay?
  Her: “yes. It’s okay you don’t have to answer…I’d told them you’re not”
  
  But she looked so eager to know, and honestly, in that quick second of thought i decided to tell her. I could have said no, those are just rumors but honestly, it gets tiring to hear all sorts of things. So i burst out laughing, not at the thought of coming out for the umpteenth time, but at her composure! Usually she’s calm and collected but today her composure was a very nervous one.

  Me: “Yes i am.”
  Her: “Nooo you can’t be serious! Seriously?”
  Me: “yes really, 100%.”
  Her: “Woooow!”
  
  To cut a long story short she asked me if i was really sure or if i was bisexual but i told her i was totally gay. She wants to sit down with me soon to ask further questions.
  Coming out isn’t a one time thing, it happens every other day. I’m used to people’s reactions, both positive and negative.
  
  The doors of the closet keep being opened.
  
  |Flashback- Calvin Harris|

• Long Weekends

  Posted: October 24, 2011, 1:32 am by cuppatea

  I’m back in the city after a 4 day get-away (it was really a forced trip) with my family. My cousin is officially engaged to a very nice man! It was one of those dowry (bride price?) functions. The groom’s family insisted they had to have it done. My family is quite secular, on my mother’s side at least.

  Before i went i went, i with my classmates Wednesday (Thursday was a public holiday) after class (you can see where the story’s headed already), one of them was celebrating his birthday. So there was this bar with no name where shots are ridiculously cheap! I wonder if i should tell you the story…..or not? I’ll tell you anyway, clearly i’m an alcoholic at this stage in life! Honestly i said i’d have a few and go home. Instead, i found a whole bottle of gin being opened. A few hours later, i was pinting with the police! We’d gone to this randomly nice bar near a certain prison, that’s actually government owned. It’s got leather seats, ceramics and flat screens. That was interesting, because my classmate (he’s middle aged) knows many senior cops. Much fun it was! I got home and found my siblings awake. So they say. I have no idea how i got home (Government land-rover i came to find out later) or how i got into bed, all i know is they have VERY damning photos of me in boxers blacked out in an awkward position in bed. With a very odd smile.

  Hangovered on Thursday and i was to travel with my brother. The rest would come Saturday. My hair being shaved off at the barber shop (that place has male gossipers!) was agony, and then i had to pack and go! At least the journey there was uneventful. In that town, i have several friends both gay and hetero. I hit them up. Well one of them threw a hissy fit when i didn’t call immediately? At least i made effort to say hi and meet him sheesh… That day Friday i had lots of errands and was only free later that afternoon. This is where i learned that really some people take your efforts for granted. At least my fabulous diva friend laughed me into oblivion, the town’s quite reserved, and here were two men laughing out loud over tea! By the way the place had FLY men! I see where someone i know got his looks from.

  Saturday we had a party for young cousins only, we threw the adults out. Loud music, lots of food and drink, oh yes that was definitely fun! There was this cute family friend who got invited, and i think it was a little obvious that i kept looking at him. He’s quite the charmer! Anyway i stepped out to meet a girlfriend of mine briefly and i came back, half an hour later, to see one of my cousins utterly intoxicated. The fellow was entertaining… Putting him to bed, was not. We partied until the last ones said good bye. This is where things got interesting; we had to share a mattress, my cousin and this family friend. I was also quite high (who knew guava juice and famous go well?) So i chucked my pants and got in.. My cousin beating me to it! Then this guy removes his boxers and gets in. In the morning, i found my leg crossed with his and his chest (but no wood) against my back! And he had a body, i couldn’t help but take a sneak peek… Nothing happened between he and i, it was just nice to wake up to Greek Athlete’s bodies! It’s sad, this is what i’ve been reduced to, admiring some lady’s boyfriend! I couldn’t help but feel a little envy when she hugged him! Lucky woman.

  That was Sunday morning. We had to go for that function, which was being held at my uncles farm. I get there, and it’s orders up and down! My family has this whole perfectionism thing going on (that should tell you people something about me) so when the grooms family came and we were still setting up there was this whole tension that was just annoying! And then because of tradition, only the eldest were allowed to sit the damn thing. Meaning i couldn’t sit with them and see what was going on. Traditional Hogwash! After the function we left for the capital, a 3 hour ride. I get home and crash.

  I’d really wanted to skip school today (fatigue talked, motivation said no) but i pushed myself to go! This long weekend i had provided some thought for me which ill share at a later date.
  So this aside i’ve got no dramas happening, well, apart from sexting an old flame Saturday night. Some raunchy texts about me wanting to be pinned against a wall!! Really someone needs to hide the phone from me! I was high and besides, He started it!

  He did.

  |Syndicate-The Fray|

• Its what i want

  Posted: October 22, 2011, 3:41 am by cuppatea

  Out of all the things i want is this world at this time as i write this, All i want is a passionate kiss, the kind that sucks air from your lungs, that kiss where you're held in deep embrace, the one where my arms are around his neck and his around my waist... The one that leaves you dazed and excited inside...
  
  Is that too much to ask for?
  
  |rainbow-Jessie J|

• My letter to Life

  Posted: October 17, 2011, 11:50 pm by cuppatea

  Dear life,

  How’re you doing? It’s been ages i know, since last we sat down and had a nice little chat. Forgive me for that, i’ve not had time to sit properly in recent times. Then again you knew that already! I write to you to ask you a few questions. I hope you won’t mind point form, i mean, you taught me to be as direct as possible isn’t it? Yes this letter to you could be a little bit angry but it gets happier i promise.

  • What the hell did i do to them? By them i mean my friends. Wait, can i call them that nowadays? You’ll remember how i used to hang out with A, Diplomatic one, Big p, sir J et al right, i thought they were friends for life. SO tell me, why are they excluding me from activities or not talking to me or basically, being friends? They’ve not cited reasons. And i hate being in the dark. Or was that their goal? I keep finding out what they’ve been up to either by photos on the social sites or bumping into other friends telling me they didn’t see me at their recent get togethers e.t.c It’s not only embarrassing, but sad, to find out that news there, and to admit that you knew nothing about it. It makes sense though, i mean all year long there’s been all these things happening and i’m not there. I thought it was oversights at first but now i realize it’s just plain exclusion. Even when you’re told i’ll call you back or i’ll look for you they don’t. What to do? Do i say goodbye to them here? Should i still regard them as friends? Was i being a burden? I’ve got rights to ask these questions! But you won’t find me going to ask them why. Too late for that. I know they’ll read this letter addressed to you. They should know they shan’t need to explain why. I get their message loud and clear, I know when i’m not welcome/wanted. Life, you’ll help me move on?
  • My heart is being silly! Why? I am healing after that brief month spent with that nice guy. But, i still feel a tad upset. Old me would have moved on to the next one. I was introduced to a really nice guy again but i’m afraid. Yes life i’ve admitted i’m afraid. I’m afraid if i like him i’ll get hurt again! Like business dating is about taking risks. But now like our haphazard Kenyan economy whatever i try ends up in failure. I can fail in books, i can fail at skills, but please, i don’t like failing in your field of, well, life. Give me a chance please!
  • Can i be balanced? Because i hate it when my mood slides. Even though i’m doing something about it can you please help me be a balanced person emotionally? If i’m to help my peers i need to be just that, balanced. It also helps to be balanced when family is busy pissing me off over little things. Please, i need to find my balance!
  • When did i start caring about physical appearances? Personally life, i knew i had a little belly, but lately it’s starting to take shape. My old yoga and mantra book which i lost when we moved house ages ago said the body is a temple and we should love it the way it is. I had no issue with my belly until that nice man, and two of my classmates pointed it out. Can i do something about it? Because it’s not sexy when you’re told you have a belly.
  • Will uni stop stressing me? You’ll tell me yes, after i’ve graduated. But i want it to stop now. Fine i got my transcript which has acceptable grades (and an A for once this year) but really, when i’m told i’ve got to chase a lecturer to find out why she failed me in a simple subject that’s about the environment (trees, bushes, pollution e.t.c.) which i’m well versed in, i will not be amused. Can you please help me fix that? Because i know i read for that paper and my father will not be amused when i tell him.
  • Sex? I gave in! It was nice but i didn’t feel accomplished. Am i bored of casual sex and the shag buddy concept? Because it was feisty but still in the end i was just like, “what next?”. Maybe i had i should have healed emotionally entirely? I’m confused!

  Think about those those few questions i’ve asked you, please feel free to include solutions in your reply. I do have several things to be thankful to you for though, again in point form (i’m pissing you off with it isn’t it?)

  • New friends this year! They are good people i enjoy being around, in fact i wish i met them earlier, they are people i can safely say i can grow around. They are wise! And fun too. I’m happy they appreciate art.
  • Education. After 170 people didn’t graduate because of graft related issues, despite them being on the graduation list, i’m so thankful you’ve given me the gift of education! Even if i get a D in a unit i’ll either re-do it or pray the rest of the grades are better, because i can’t pay someone to alter a grade for me then they get caught and i’m told i can’t graduate. Education is expensive!
  • Sanity. With all my dramas i was explaining my hag said it’s amazing i haven’t landed in a mental institute. Keeping a clear mind is a little difficult but i’m grateful i’m still in utmost capacity of myself.
  • Those land-rover shoes! I love their comfort and ruggedness, they fit in anywhere from the muddy road heading to uni to the classy dancefloors of the city, just like the real thing. And we found them by accident!
  • Me! The very same one that gives where he can when he has money or food and is humble when he doesn’t have money but still shares anyway.The same guy that eats in a banda (makeshift restaurant) eating rice and beans is the same guy that can eat in a nice restaurant. The very one that talks to people who come from upcountry to learn despite cultural differences is the same one that talks to polished men and women of higher society. Compared to some people i know who say they are this and that when really they aren’t, i’m happy with who i am and that i know i’m not full of pretence. And that i’m not embarrassed to share it with people. Even if i stay in an area that has monkeys invading, i’m thankful for me myself and i as a whole!

  I’ve got lots of other things to be thankful for both empathically and materially but you get the drift. This letter is like thanksgiving one to you early. Thank you! I’m thankful i still get to wake up daily and experience life. Forever thankful for my health, family and friends. And my stupid heart. And education even if mid-semesters were stressing me.

  I certainly hope things are good on your end, hope to hear from you soon.
  x

  with lots of love and colours,
  Cuppatea

  P.s By the way you’ll tell those monkeys i like my sleep on Saturdays lest i call wildlife services and mention they’re getting too much now. Cheers!

  |Vox-Sarah McLachlan|

• International coming out day 2011

  Posted: October 11, 2011, 12:54 am by cuppatea

  Somewhere in this planet of ours today, a woman’s husband has come out as being gay!
  Today is “international coming out day”. A day where gay men and women come out to their friends and family.
  You’d think by telling my mother i’m gay indirectly you’d think there’d be relief in me right? WRONG! She’s behaving like a didn’t tell her. A friend says she’s not surprised, that she was confirming something, others say she doesn’t care. I want to know what she’s thinking but i’m afraid that might spark a fire? I’m not sure what i should do.

  I’ve not come out officially come to think about it. My sexuality is what people call “a well known secret”. I don’t tell them and they don’t ask me. But if they do and i trust them then yes, i’ll tell them. Only because they see i cross my legs a bit more than a heterosexual!

  moving on swiftly to other matters

  So my bottle of vanilla flavoured rum finished this weekend! I’ll sound like an alcoholic and say “i needed it”. Because heartbreak has this wriggly, uncomfortable feel that makes me breathe shallow, agitated and not sleep. Waking up Monday morning was like rising from the depths of an ocean! Getting dressed i felt like things were genuinely going to be alright! That is, until i got to campus. I was apparently distracted in class, lecturer noting i wasn’t as participative as i’d normally be.
  Even reading for my mid-semesters is proving a little bit harder this time, my mind keeps wandering off! But i always snap back into focus. I ended up finishing my first paper and being the first to walk out. I did the paper in 30 minutes, i think all the pent up energy reading came out on it.
  Unfortunately i seem to be messing up as well, for example, i forgot to hand in a friends book, she called in pissed off with me, and the exam’s Friday, tomorrow’s Wednesday. I’ll leave a sticky note and maybe a fudge? I’d hate to be the reason she doesn’t pass the exam.
  On top of all this, he still texts. He seems genuine in wanting to be friends. It’s still a little saddening/breaks my heart a little, but i understand where he’s coming from. It’s sad to be conflicted and have no one…I’m not defending him, just laying it as it is.

  Meanwhile, lets play a game of “how long can cuppatea go without giving in to sex”! Everytime i chat with big daddy i just think of that muscular meaty body with an equally similar member of his. “My mind’s telling me nooooooooooooooooo!!! But my body, my body’s saying yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!!!! I don't see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind…” R.Kelly had such fine bedroom music, what happened…

  |Imbranato-Tiziano Ferro|

• Unexpectedly single. Oh come on!!

  Posted: October 9, 2011, 2:36 am by cuppatea

  How he made me giggle!
  
  I met him earlier in the year and we’d been talking for a while until last month we decided to try and date. This one was different, he’s got the type of body i like but, he’s also quite smart! He’s on the down-low. Not many know of him. I didn’t have a problem with that though. He’s my opposite, i’m a little noisy, chatty and outgoing but he’s cool, reserved and level headed. I like how he walks like he owns the world, that always impresses me. He’s got confidence in himself.
  Every day we’d talk. there’s almost 1000 messages between us! I felt safe and relief whenever we talked. I told him much about me, i mean, it’s what people do when they’re starting off something isn’t it? For the first time in many months, i felt i can open up to a guy again, start all over!
  Of course as with every new….thing, there’s jitters and stuff. He was always worried that i would be disappointed in him, but on the contrary, i was so amused with him. Everything seems alright. Whenever he’d ask “why do you like me?” i’d always say “because you’re real.” I smile each time.

  I was talking a walk with him today (a man that likes long distance walking! Rare!). The weather was warm and lovely, the flowers blooming, the wind cool, unbelievably happy i was! We talked about everything and anything. I even took photos of trees and flowers and he didn’t mind…

  He asked me whether we (by we he meant us) would work. I said yes. But then, he painted the picture clear for me. Said i deserved better than him, his being on the DL and the fact he’s not really sure of himself (and other things, i can’t remember because my seemingly perfect afternoon came crashing around me), he generally said he wouldn’t treat me with the right sorta treatment i deserve.
  I tried to protest but further explanation made it clear, he was letting me go. Really, i tried to reason but… Sigh, thats that. He wants me to be happy with someone else.
  
  Tomorrow would have marked a month together.
  
  Our walk continued, inside i was shattered. I went home, no going out for me tonight. Mother was at home, as was the rest of my whole family. They could all see something’s wrong. So i went to my room and i curled up and read my book, this charming man by Marian Keyes. Mother walks in. She asks me all sorts of questions, with me shaking my head with each answer.
  
  I told her i got dumped. “by a girl?” she asks.
  ”noooo, a guy.” i say.
  
  She walked out.
  
  Dinner was ready and conversation carried on as usual, no comment about my statement, nothing. Yes i was sober! (maybe not now, coke and rum needed to write this) And there’s no way she didn’t hear that statement i said. So whatever happens now i have ABSOLUTELY no idea!

  It was about time anyway.

  So je suis la, we’ve decided to remain friends. It’s gonna be hard for me because my feelings for him really developed. But we’ll remain friends. God what a guy… All this leaves me wondering what’s wrong with me, what am i not doing and why the hell all my men related end up in bloody failure!

  Currently, I’m playing Elton John’s Sad song (say so much) song. It’s an upbeat song that i enjoy singing to. I’ve been playing his music and drinking coke and vanilla rum! It’s the classic way of healing oneself! I can see various lectures about how this was just a short thing and that i shouldn’t be hit that hard, or how “someone will come along soon” or that i go and get laid. Please! I will not get laid! I'm not the cliche gay person that believes sex makes things better. No!

  So i didn’t mention him because he didn’t want to be mentioned here btw.

  This thing i call my life… sigh. I’m going to end up keeping away from men for a while. The week was crazy, horrid, In fact my father’s making my life frustrating (but that’s a story for another day). yesterday and largely most of today were nice until late this afternoon when aaaaall this happened. Excuse me while i pour myself another round! ME BY THE WAY i’m done!

  |Turn them on, turn them on
  Turn on those sad songs
  When all hope is gone
  Why don't you tune in and turn them on,
  They reach into your room
  Just feel their gentle touch
  When all hope is gone
  Sad songs say so much.

  --------------->Sad song (say so much)-Elton John|

  |

• Him and His friend

  Posted: October 7, 2011, 4:36 pm by cuppatea

   Him
  A young slim man, partially tanned body, a little hairy, stands over a pool in afternoon sunlight. He wears nothing but light blue swimming trunks. Has a big smile on his face. His eyes glint with joy, pride, and curiously, malice! What’s interesting about this fellow is his swimming trunks, they’re incredibly short and tight! This seems to disturb the men around. Some are trying to hide looks of shock and scandal, others not so successful. They are uncomfortable. The ladies however, are smiling, because they can see this young man’s a homosexual and he doesn’t seem to care what others think. Besides, it’s a well known secret at their university that he is gay.
  The warm afternoon sun. The young man stands at the edge of the swimming pool, clearly enjoying the warm kisses of the sun on his skin.
  He stretches his tanned-to-light arms and puts them together, like an arrow. With one burst of “mhaha!” he jumps and dives into the swimming pool.
  He doesn’t care other men are swimming at a distance from him. They are afraid. “Of what..?” the young man thinks to himself. “more space for me to swim!”, and continues to do a breast stroke. The rush of the cool water against him makes him swim faster. Exhilarating.
  Sweet, sweet freedom of being himself, pride, adrenaline running through his veins! He doesn’t care about anything else except enjoying himself.

  His friend
  She is small, light and intelligent. Wears spectacles. She is in jeans, overlooking the exercise. Her friend is at the swimming pool. She knows her friend is a homosexual, she asked and he told her the truth. Good friends. She is asked, “why did you let him come, you know people say he is one?” and she promptly responds, “he is a club member, an active participant and he’s human. Let him be.” She walks to the swimming pool and says “hey, come here i want take photos of you!” Her friend swims to her and smiles. “are you having a good time?” She asks, and he responds “the best!”.
  She is happy he’s happy.

  A scene from my life from a different angle. This post is a scene from a club team building trip i had recently.

• Birthday weekend 2011

  Posted: October 3, 2011, 10:50 pm by cuppatea

  I had nothing planned this year! I was going with whatever came first. My birthday was this weekend. So it wasn't Swahili-centric like my post last year BUT i still had fun!

  I've misplaced my phone and bruised my arm in the process. What did i get up to? I spent it with friends this year (again). Friday saw me have lunch with a girlfriend and coffee with a friend of mine, both hadn't seen me in ages! I'll tell you this, out of all the milkshakes java has, vanilla will always be my favourite! Not so much the stomach pains i get afterwards (but utterly worth it). A friend of mine had travelled on business so we got to catch up at my favourite ice-cream joint with others. After outing ourselves with noisy conversation we promptly went to, yup, you guessed it, a bar! They insisted. A few beers later i went home!

  Saturday morning! The usual "wake me up when September ends" updates on various sites. Famous song by American rockers Green day. I was taking my friend round to see yet another friend for lunch. And getting stuck in traffic for 3 hours in the process. Honestly, when it’s the end of the month it’s like people get their 2nd and 3rd cars out! The lunch was amazing despite some random awkwardness being experienced in the room, apparently one of them had issues with the host’s friend. Excuse me, i raided his alcohol cabinet and proceeded to down vodka. It seems vodka and i are trying to have a relationship again hahaha!
  We return to the city centre afterwards, some friends of mine were meeting. They decide we’re going to this randomly hidden sports bar where shots were 100 bob! As the drinks come, the waiter spills beer all over me!! Great, i smelt like a frigging brewery! The waiter said “that’s a sign that it’s going to be a good evening!” Yeah, but it won’t stop me from smelling like a haggard drunk! Douche. We proceeded to a very nice pool bar at a roof of a hotel. There, we sat and talked more. Alcohol loosens tongues apparently. It started raining. I love rain, especially when i’m not caught in it. There was something wonderful and elegant  about the rain that night, especially pattering on the lit swimming pool. I was having a great time! After the rain, we went to that nice club i was introduced to the other day. We walked right in, apparently we left a mark on management last time. They even arranged our “little corner” for us! The music as always, was amazing! I was quite tipsy. At the club, this random guy comes to hit on me. His pick up line? “Buy me a tusker!!!” My response? “Boy please.”

  A pulled muscle and 1.30am later we head home. I get into the house an hour later and throw myself on the bed, it was quite cold outside

  .

  Sunday Morning rain is falling… I woke up at 6am to work! Yes i couldn’t sleep anymore and i really did have a lot of school work to type. I didn’t think i was going anywhere…until i’m told “get out today’s the classical concert!” The largest mobile network in Kenya was having a large outdoors concert dubbed “classical fusion”. Performances by Ladysmith Black Mambazo (that name!) Sauti sol and various classical and jazz artists were arranged for the day. There at the event i bumped into so many friends and family! All the homosexuals of Nairobi were there as well. It’s sad, most of them didn’t know who the feature performers were, they came there to be seen. Right. The concert was very good! The weather behaved as well! After the concert we went to our friends’ apartment to unwind over drinks. I got quite tipsy (had been drinking all day at the concert, even Wyndown bought me a birthday drink---thanks!) there! My father called. Again i was intoxicated when i was talking to him! I wonder if he knows i was in such a state… More gin and tonic please!

  I get home to find the whole house asleep! Whoops! I didn’t even eat, i just replied a few messages and slept…

  …To wake up still high. Wonderful, i went for an 8am class in a state! The hangover didn’t come because i ate in between class. 3pm reaches and i walk out, wasted a whole hour waiting on a lecturer to come. As i left he came, but i was sooooo tired and i’d organized a proxy in class to take good notes.
  So here i am at home, a whole year older! It was definitely a fun weekend! More adventures for me then… Cheerio!

  P.s, it was really sweet of you to climb a mountain and still manage to garner energy to see me after! Thank you Mr. Giggles!  

  |Nothing in this world-Paris Hilton|

• Long live the Queens!

  Posted: September 27, 2011, 8:45 pm by cuppatea

  The title is the ending remark from this Gawker article.
  The article is written as a response from a clearly concerned writer about a comment Patti Stanger made about gay dating. The article further discusses gay men and masculinity, how some are trying to rid the stereotype of the girly man.

  You all know by now what my stand on queens is! I’ve got no problem with them as long as they don’t bother me.

  The last paragraph of the article caught my attention:

  “So instead of trying to ward the queens off, we should all be thanking them. Thank them for being the front lines of the gay pride parade. Thank them have for having the strength to endure. Thank them for having the courage to change people's minds and not let them forget that there are gay people out there and we come in all shapes, colors, and sizes, all of them great. Thank them for teaching children the most valuable lesson: that you can't go wrong being true to yourself. Yes, thank them for living.”

  It’s good to see that somewhere in this world, queens are appreciated!

  Here in Kenya (or Africa) queens get harassed by cops almost all the time. I don’t have a queen friend who hasn’t got a story to share about being beaten, harassed, mocked, arrested on false bases, or worse, sexually assaulted by the authorities. They get exposed in the media (they’re not stealthy sadly.) often in bad light, disrupting their lives and receiving hatred and discrimination from families and friends.

  Yet they still have the guts to strut out the door and be themselves in a not too accepting society! If that’s not bravery…

  Anyway, cheers to the queens, society would be a boring place if it weren’t for your (hilarious) dramas! Be sure to slap the Tacos bouncer, that always ends hilariously.

  |Single ladies-Beyonce|

• My life bores them; can’t be bothered shocker

  Posted: September 26, 2011, 12:02 am by cuppatea

  I’m trying to understand why some people have a problem with the topics i discuss either physically or on social networks. I talk about these constantly:

  School: OF COURSE i’m going to talk/tweet/whatever about university. That’s because i’m a student. Thanks for noticing!

  Alcohol: I like my drinks. Would you rather talk about the rate at which grass grows OR, about how some drunk gay guy was swimming in scandalous swimming trunks? which one sounds more interesting to you?

  Men: I’m gay, what do you expect?

  The news: When you’re busy talking about how some random series is nice, in my head i’m thinking “the movie place you buy them from will increase the price because the cost of doing business is going up and you can’t give a shit about that because you care about what will happen in episode 1 of the latest season."

  Music: It plays a big part in my life.

  The weather: When there’s nothing going on and the weather’s really shitty, or when it’s absolutely jovial, it’s nice to talk about it, because it strikes conversation with others, which leads to plans, which leads to fun.

  Routine: Life is routine. Whether you recognize it or not, everyone has a routine. Even that mentally handicapped homeless man has some sort of routine. You don’t want good morning messages? Perhaps how i’m enjoying my mug of tea? No?

  I think i was misinformed about what freedom of expression was. I can very easily stop talking about this. I’m sure your “timelines” would be less polluted, i mean, everyone has that friend that’s constantly whining about one thing or the next, or the superficial bastard that tweets shit. Do you see me complain about what you write about? What you blog? What you tweet? What you discuss when we congregate together as friends?  I’m actually tired of being told that because of all these things that go on in my life, i’m missing out. On what, the colour of your new shirt? The latest gossip on who’s dating who?
  Maybe it’s because, i’ve got things i deem important like finishing uni to worry about. Just maybe. I’m not saying i’m not bothered with your lives, it’s simply because i have my own life to live! Come on! If my life bores you, feel free to find another friend. I’m perfectly comfortable what i discuss.
  
  But then, if i stopped discussing these occurrences in my life, should i even bother breathing & living? This is my life. Not yours, mine.

  |Quiet-Lights|

• Yet more talk

  Posted: September 20, 2011, 2:36 am by cuppatea

  Apart from strange dreams which i discussed in my last post (some comments were useful, others just hilarious), there’s not been much going on with me except perhaps the following:

  So i’ve started peer counselling training class. I’m quite social and i talk to lots of people, many in my generation. This class will help me help them, because there’s this aspect of me that people seem to like, a trusting aspect. I can make friends and within a week (heck an afternoon) someone literally pours their heart and problems to me. Many a time i wish i had sensible things to say or ways to help them handle their problem but i didn’t make an impact. These classes will help me. BY THE WAY i’m being taught by, yup, you guessed it, A NUN! At the end of the day, even in this (chaotic?) gay society i might be able to help people. That’s a good thing right?

  I went to watch theatre this weekend! Both Saturday and Sunday. It’s quite refreshing, away from the usual partying or sit downs at restaurants. I’ve gone back to theatre and books it seems, with my current read being as you like it by William Shakespeare. It surprises people that i read such, especially from a really old book printed 48 years ago. (antique book shopping!)
  
  And that’s about it. For now. You know honestly i had a lot to say but it seems i said all i needed to. There’s a club trip to some strange hill this weekend. I don’t have my bee sting gun. Fun!

  P.s, you’ll get your own post. Because i’m sleepy and i still don’t know how to say this here!

  |Saviour-Lights|

• A Dream most peculiar

  Posted: September 16, 2011, 11:33 pm by cuppatea

  So there’s this dream that’s been bothering me lately. I’ve discussed it with friends but i didn’t mention to them that it’s repeated 3 times!! Recurring dreams aren’t very common (there’s actually a childhood nightmare of a chameleon in my bed that’s still VERY vivid), i’d usually ignore this but this particular dream is just so peculiar but so interesting at the same time…

  It begins with me following a man, i can’t see his face. He’s my height, meaty, and dark. We are close. We are in some small town by the sea. As the sun begins to set, he turns into a bull, a muscular, huge, HUGE stocky bull! This bull is difficult to control, so i flee.
  The next scene is at a party, i’m dancing with this man who’s face i still cannot see. It’s an open air party. There’s a lot of men and women dancing. The sun starts to set and almost immediately the man turns into a bull again! I’m scared and i feel adrenaline rushing! Everyone is still dancing, oblivious to the fact that there’s a bull in the room! The bull snorts steam from it’s nose. I’m looking at it square in the eye! I back out of the room and run outside.
  There are vineyards and white buildings. The sunset is still there. “Sister Irene! Sister Irene!” i call. I am running through a town of sorts. 
  The next scene, i’m running down the cobblestone street with a group of nuns. Mind you the sunset is still there! I am running towards the party with anxiety in my heart. There we find that there is no bull. In it’s place is the man whom i still can’t see properly. I’m confused! But the nuns are there looking very serious at the man. Suddenly, there’s three flashes, darkness, light, darkness, light, darkness and light again. The man had been a bull, man, bull, man and bull again! This time it’s eyes are red and the steam from it’s nose is engulfing the area!
  At this point i’m really scared, i start to back away again. The nuns however, begin to chant something and surround the bull! The chanting grows louder and louder. More flashes of light! The bull is fighting, trying to get out of the circle but it can’t. More flashes of light occur.
  With one long flash of light, the bull is a man. In the background, i can hear Enya’s Flora’s Secret Song playing. The sun has set and the nuns are behind me with their arms in their robes/gowns. There is a feeling of calm and happiness in me. This man turns around to stare me in the face…

  And i wake up.

  I cannot explain this dream. I’m not Catholic (not religious). I’ve sought counsel with several people. A friend of mine says that the church is represented by the nuns and that the bull, well, is the bullshit that people feel the church says at times. Another has said that the bull is a person i’ve met that is very dear to me and that it’s resistance is a test for me to see if i’ll help it (which i did). But it’s still very confusing to me…

  |fall for your type-Jamie Foxx Ft. Drake|

• Happier Times

  Posted: September 11, 2011, 4:58 pm by cuppatea

  Sunday morning and the author is sat up in his bed keeping warm and writing. Forgive the boring tone of the post. I write as i recollect.

  3 days is all it took to compensate for not going out on the rave the whole month of August. It all started when i was heading to the bus stop after school Thursday. I wasn’t really in the mood for going home, so i dialled my schoolmate, who was also around. He made me turn back to campus! The bus stop was right in front of me, but i turned back anyway. He’s hilarious company.
  We walk to a bar near campus. We find they’re setting up DJ equipment. A popular brand is marketing it’s vodka, it’s the theme of the night. I buy us two beers and we sit and chat. We are joined a few minutes later by 3 pretty ladies. They’ve snuck in more vodka of a different brand that’s very popular. The music continues. The place gets packed with youth. We discuss all sorts of things! Drinking a cocktail of Vodka and Soda, mind you there’s beer as well. The music starts getting really good and we all stand up to dance. And dance. And dance some more!
  Photos have been taken us, looking fabulous or looking tipsy, perhaps a combination of both? More beer comes our way. More talk, more dance. It’s time to leave. We walk to the bus stop, my friend says “you know what, i’m not done!” and leaves me with his bag. An attractive man had been buying him drinks! These closeted people operate so unusually. I hop into a matatu and zig zag home. Clearly intoxicated, but with sense of direction. I find my brother awake. He shakes his head. I shrug. I find my dinner and eat (more like savage) while i check my mails. And then i slept. I felt happy inside, i genuinely had the first good day in ages.

  It’s Friday morning. I've got the worst hangover in recent times. Walk to the shop with my brother, ask him to buy pain killers. Shop keeper says, “it’s for that young one!”  I’m unable to defend myself. I smile sheepishly, because i clearly had HANGOVERED written on my forehead. Back in the house to sleep some more. The first gay film festival in Kenya was that evening and i needed to look fresh! I run to meet my girl friends in the evening, i didn’t want us to be late. Beautiful as ever, they get lusty stares from men. I’m given looks of envy for being in their company. It’s not my fault they’re models. The festival hasn’t begun. We are outside waiting, curiosity written on everyone’s face, a sense of excitement, am energy lingers in the air. Diplomats, youth, middle aged, many people were there!
  The doors open, and we proceed in. I talk to a friend, a minute later i’m steered to front row seats. it’s good to know people, as these were seats reserved for diplomats. I’m off to the bar, it’s an open bar (of course i would don’t give me that look!). I rush there and return, now the hall is full. It’s a few minutes before the event begins. I make rounds of greetings to the very many friends who know me. I return and sit. The first film, a documentary about gays in Uganda. Very insightful, makes us all appreciate our freedom here in Kenya. They’ve got it rough.
  We leave after the second film milk commences. Majority have seen it. My girlfriends part ways with me, as did many of close friends, leaving me with others. We are supposedly walking to the bus stop when a friend says “lets go say hi to a friend at a club”. We proceed. This person we were going to say hello to is my ex (whom i’ve been told reads this blog. Meh!). I have no problem with it, as i’ve moved on entirely. We sat down. The music’s incredible! We order a beer. “"just one then we go.” I’m told. I’m not complaining! The music’s incredible! More of our gay friends join us. We are in the corner of the club. There’s space to dance. We dance! And dance. And dance. Before we know it it’s 2am. We leave. I walk with my friends and we part ways at our matatu bus stop.
  

  Saturday Morning! I’ve no hangover but my thighs, oh lord my thighs hurt from dancing! Dancing two nights in a row. I’ve not seen my mother since Wednesday evening i realize. Late nights early mornings. I was to shop on this day. The mood was there, but where were my friends? I dial others. My close girlfriend will join me. When i get to the city centre to meet her and connect to other routes, the sun comes out. I love the sunshine! Fair weather. Nairobians are looking trendy, well dressed. The nature of Saturday afternoons. We shop for Chinos. Bloody things are expensive. Then again, isn’t life nowadays? We spot several books and buy them. I’ve got a Shakespeare book on my reading list. We find shoes! Brilliant Land-Rover shoes. No more shopping. Oh look, a vintage bag! Alright no more shopping. We take an evening stroll as we head to my friend’s apartment. The evening sun is wonderful. At my friends’ house, we make dinner as we catch up. We are joined by our other friends. We watch little Britain as we catch up. We were to go out again but fatigue caught up with everyone. It’s time for me to go home. My cabbie’s number is off and i don’t have other cab driver’s numbers for some strange reason. Make a few calls. I get dropped at a taxi rank and head home. My gate is not locked thankfully. I put my shopping down, hop into bed and sleep.
  

  Sunday morning. Noisy monkeys and noisy church goers of the house wake me up. I make tea and return to my room. Where i’m currently at. I’m to go to the motorshow with my brother later on. I hope it’ll be fun!
  On that note, i just have to say i’m thankful for life. It works in strange ways but when it works out, wonderful feelings of joy and happiness come with those good blessings..

  |Lucky-Jason Mraz & Colbie Cailat|

• September

  Posted: September 6, 2011, 1:34 am by cuppatea

  
  This song makes me happy... it's so positive!

• Gone

  Posted: September 2, 2011, 1:12 am by cuppatea

  I lost another friend who was undergoing surgery. This year i’ve lost friends but this one was a really nice friend, she was tall, pretty smart, and a really good person generally. She used to help me out in some classes. I feel so awful that i’ve lost her. I know it’s God’s wish but still, she had so much going for her. I feel so bad…

  Today for the first time in a very long time, i shed tears. I’ve been heart broken, backstabbed, but i still walked. Today though, i burst into tear. I couldn’t take anymore. It’s days like these i don’t get life at all… I don’t even know how i’m going to handle that funeral, i’m just tired…tired of putting good people to final rest.

  |We shout-t.A.T.u|

• Hate meal

  Posted: August 31, 2011, 6:14 pm by cuppatea

  Every gay person knows (or should know) this golden, kitchen rule: Do not insult a gay man’s cooking.

  I don’t understand what people gain from insulting others in front of other people at classy dinners. I’d made Greek rice (it has oregano herb in it) and some fucking twat calls it “ugali rice”. After he’d eaten heartily and it was mentioned that i cooked it, he turned ugly and insults my meal! I mean who does that?? Ugali is maize meal. It looks like white cake. They call it “paap” in South Africa. Rice are grains however. Mine had no such cake in it. It cooked evenly. I wonder what his problem was.

  I smiled and watched what was on television, then shortly after stood to pour myself a drink and vent. I said, “you go to the American embassy for two hours and you come back with a fake accent?? SHAME!!”. It’s true, this man was putting up a facade because he had an American lover. He had this whole fake American accent going on. It pisses me off to see people do that! He’d never been to the states before so that was my conclusion, that he picked it up at the embassy. Or in the visa rejection letter.

  I’ve lost respect for that fellow. He seemed like such a cool guy. I clearly overestimated him. He ought to know that when you insult someone's cooking, have the decency to do it outdoors when the chefs aren’t around.

  I’m thankful i know the recipe for an orange martini. Light and sweet, a few glasses kept me company most of the evening. Apple Martinis too…

  |Maybe-Asa|

• Thoughts: The closet and Senior Management.

  Posted: August 27, 2011, 2:44 pm by cuppatea

  “The closet is an institution designed to protect LGBT individuals from scorn and hatred; without that scorn and hatred, it would not exist. It exists.”

  Felix Salmon from his blog article why I'm talking about Tim Cook’s personality. For those of you who didn’t know, Apple Inc. CEO Steve Jobs resigned this week. Tim Cook is now the new CEO of apple Inc., making him one of the most (if not already) powerful gay people on our lovely planet.

  Personally i don’t see what all the noise about gay senior execs is. To me, they are equally capable persons who do the job well. It’s never about sexuality. It’s about how well you perform the job!
  Hence the closet. It is none of anybody’s business about the gay executives lives! If the whole society knew the CEO or MD was gay, would it affect business? I can tell you that here in Kenya it would! In more developed countries like the USA it barely would, because they’ve got bills of human rights and privacy that work. Here in my country, at work, no matter how gay you are, if you’re in a senior position you don’t mention your sexuality. Why? I don’t know, you just don’t mention it! It would affect how people perceive your business. With the country being oh so “conservative”, it’s hard to do business with everyone knowing you’re gay.
  Even if you’re a power queen lawyer, you live in a glass closet. Yes everyone can see you’re queer but don’t mention it, let them speculate.

  From my perspective what goes on in the corporate world is a don’t ask don’t tell policy. If it’s been working, all well and good!
  So yes people, Tim Cook is gay. Big deal! Life moves on. As long as they continue performing to and beyond standards, and delivering innovative products, I've got not problem with it at all.

• Gay men & straight female musicians

  Posted: August 23, 2011, 11:09 pm by cuppatea

  I saw this comment on a Barbra Streisand article on Advocate.com.

  “Name: Rick
  Date posted: 8/23/2011 11:45:58 AM
  Hometown: Princeton, NJ
  Comment:

  I am going to keel over and die the day the Advocate runs an article like this on a performer who is actually gay and refers to them as a "gay icon." Gay men are the only group in the population that are still so self-hating that they don't celebrate their own kind the way other groups do, but rather live vicariously through another group of people, namely straight women. And these straight female "icons" are not infrequently disrespectful towards their worshipers: Streisand, herself, wanted to turn the film version of "The Normal Heart" into a vehicle for celebrating a woman doctor, with the gay men who are the focus of the play being relegated to "supporting" roles.......Sound familiar? It should--because it is exactly the role that the icon-worshiping gay man plays for these straight women, being their social accessories, their helpmates, their subordinates.....about as undignified and embarrassing a role as is imaginable.”

  Personally i think the comment has valid truth! How many gay men worship Whitney Houston, Celine Dion, Beyonce, Kylie Minogue or Lady gaga? Look at my recent episode with Amy Winehouse’s death. What so you think about this? Do Lesbians have male icons? Is it because their vocals reach out to us gay men when we’re in various states and that their voices are sonorous/Aurally pleasing? Am i asking too many questions? Hmmmm…

  |ice-Lights|

• …On principles

  Posted: August 21, 2011, 1:07 am by cuppatea

  prin·ci·ple [prin-suh-puhl] (noun)

  1. An accepted or professed rule of action or conduct: a person of good moral principles.

  2. A fundamental, primary, or general law or truth from which others are derived: the principles of modern physics.

  3. A fundamental doctrine or tenet; a distinctive ruling opinion:the principles of the Stoics.

  4. Principles, a personal or specific basis of conduct or management: to adhere to one's principles; a kindergarten run on modern principles.

  5. Guiding sense of the requirements and obligations of right conduct: a person of principle.
  (Dictionary.com, 2011)

  
  
  Today i tried to say “my innocence continues”.
  You should’ve seen the comments and the inbox messages i received afterwards! One said i had amnesia, another said i’m not innocent at all, another one said “yeah right”. The messages were less polite. Two booty calls and one detailing my actions from horrid drinking to sexual adventures. Thanks for noticing! I had no idea i was this…um, random? I wanted to say Bad but that wouldn’t have been the case, there’s worse people than myself out there.
  I feel bad about my behaviour lately. Actually all year. Going against most if not all, my principles. I’m not the young naive child people used to know, that wouldn’t have sex randomly, drink and get stupid drunk, believe that boyfriends made the world go round e.t.c. From where i stand, it doesn’t seem like there’s going back! If you read from my very first post to the most recent one, you can actually see i’ve changed. I’m actually a little bit afraid at the direction my life’s taken.
  

  What happened? Well having being brought up in a strict environment and then everything’s made lax, well, all this would happen i suppose. It’s scary, having fun (or my idea of fun) is not good in other people’s eyes. Actually one of those comments that came as a a result of my update felt like a slap in my face. Because it came from someone i truly look up to.
  So instead of whining about what a trashy (i think that’s the word i’ve been looking for) person i’ve become, i’m actually doing (or have been doing subconsciously) something about it. I’m a lot less loud than i used to be (even in the bedroom). When i was asked what the matter was and i said “nothing at all, why?” They proceeded to reply “you’re rather quiet”. I hadn’t noticed that until they pointed it out.

  “You attract what you exude.”

  I can’t remember where i heard that but it’s such an interesting statement! Because it’s entirely true. Basically, it means if you’ve got riff raff behaviour then riff raff people will hang out or be attracted to you, or if you’re smart then smart people will associate themselves with you. It’ll help me in the long run, like a sort of mantra.

  I still have the “i don’t give a fuck” attitude in certain areas like material possessions and the like. But when it comes to reputation and what others perceive of me, i take it seriously. I’m not being hard on myself, call this taking corrective action, before it gets any worse! It might mean i go back to being boring and safe but if that’s what makes me sleep well at night then i’d rather be that than a wild person living on edge.
  Therefore, instead of saying my innocence continues, the correct term to say would be “fortification of my principles continue…” Oh yes…

  |Without you-Mariah Carey|

• While i was away

  Posted: August 15, 2011, 9:15 pm by cuppatea

  Bloggers note: I hadn’t posted anything this month, largely due to my absence from any computer (deliberately) while on holiday and writers block syndrome. I did a guest post here though. Enjoy the post!

  I’ve returned from my vacation! With a cold.

  I got a whole week to go down to the coast where there’s sun and heat, and what a vacation it was! I did not drink nor did i go out. I wanted to get away from it all and i did. So what did yours truly get up to?

  Sleep: I usually sleep for 6 hours when in the capital, many things like schoolwork/online group work have me up until 11pm, and i’m awake by 5am. At the coast though, i slept for 10 hours every single day! I didn’t go out to clubs nor did i drink myself silly, or at all for that matter. Waking up daily at 9-10am was very refreshing!

  Think: I tend to think lots but i never actually give them 2nd thoughts. I had lots of clutter in my head. It was really nice to have time to sit down and think of ways forward! It didn’t even hit me that a whole year elapsed since i walked out the relationship i had with someone, actually on that day i was having a splashing day out in the ocean! Thinking also made me realize that i’m ready to date again! Yes people, i’m willing to play that stupid little game of chasing (albeit being chased), hitting on (read being given the worst pick up lines) and going on dates to fishy places (really, Java’s so impersonal nowadays) and other things.
  Not once did i think about uni! Yaey!
  I did however, come up with multiple post ideas. Long walks on the beach with that nice sound of the waves crashing on the shore were quite relaxing.

  Explore: The Nairobi Java House has “Malindi chai” something something and “Malindi coffee something blah blah”. Basically, they’ve named a coffee/tea after the sweet, largely Italian coastal town of Malindi. I tried it and i didn’t like it! So this was a part of my trip. To visit Malindi and try out Italian cuisine and those coffees and teas. The result? I’m having problems fitting into my trousers! The coffee was to die for! As was the food! I had a very interesting squid and crustacean garden salad…  And the hotel i stayed in was excellent! The staff and locals rap Italian. Very little Swahili spoken. I got to walk to the reef with one hunky tour guide (Tourists please say 10 Euros, i saw one couple pay 40 Euros-a total rip off!) and my nephew. The little one really enjoyed the reef! As did i!
  I was in Mombasa as well. It’s basically like another home for me, i know it quite well now. I walked all over the main island, hiked along “Mama Ngina drive” with my friend, ate more food, and mingled with crocodiles! Being the Holy month of Ramadhan i couldn’t eat during the day---it would’ve looked totally bad and unfair/inconsiderate. I would eat indoors. My aunts are always intent on feeding me to the maximum! This is why i cannot fit properly into some pants. More reason to go shopping then!  
  I didn’t ride any boats this time. No worries, i’ll do that when next i go!

  Lounge: I had my “on beauty” book by Zadie Smith to keep me company. It’s a gripping book! I’ve put it down because i’m about to finish it again. I spent a whole day indoors just resting and reading the book. I amused myself with Phineas and Furb when i wasn’t reading.

  Bond: Anybody that knows me well knows i talk lots! I’d chat with my aunts, mingle with my baby cousin and nephew, chat with coastal friends… It was really good! I’m getting more tolerable around small children. Usually, they irritate me which makes me look like an irrate father. But no, when you have two children that actually listen (when they want) to you it makes things easier. It’s hilarious saying “the monster in the drawer will get you, put those back!” on them! It used to be used on me as a child. And before you all scoff at me, yes i’m quite capable of handling children, in fact it scares me at how parent-like i get around them.

  During this break, i did run into two of my classmates, and ran into an old crush. Full story at the guest post on Randoms’ blog.
  I’m quite ready to face this new semester! It marks the final year of undergrad for me, and it’s going to be utterly busy! This last quarter of the year also tends to be the most drunken one. But i’ll do my best to stay detoxicated.

  Meanwhile, i nurse this bastard flu!

  |Gypsy- Shakira|

• Break: Ending July

  Posted: August 1, 2011, 3:04 am by cuppatea

  July has ended at last! It’s one of those months that really drag.

  My little holiday had started off with a bang! No really, it did start off with a bang, i owed my shag buddy (Aka my “playmate”) birthday sex, so Saturday morning i appeared at his doorstep. I’d been out the previous night, drunk as usual (by accident) but woke with no hangover thanks to my little remedy. The thing i like with this shag mate is that he’s such a gentleman! I got breakfast, sex, and lunch! The relief after a 3 month sexual hiatus is a nice feeling. It wasn’t the first time i’ve slept with him, but each time i do it’s such an experience… He’s different from other shag mates i’ve had. Even when he sits down with his newspaper reading the news or articles and i’m online or reading a novel after sex the silence between us is a comfortable one. Just some nice mellow music in the background playing… I left there feeling quite good! And no people, he’s not the relationship type. I understand him, his life is not complicated by ties to things or people. He’s happy the way he is. And i totally respect that!

  I’ve not planned my holidays but i do know I’m going to go away from the capital for a few days. I just want to get away from all the hustle and bustle of Nairobi, Even simple things like my cellphone’s bothering me! Today for instance, i didn’t feel like answering any calls. I ignored all but three. Those were important.

  The joys of discovering new coffee houses with decent coffee is a unique experience. Big tables, space, and good coffee are elements of one that deserves to be successful! Tucked away, clean, and well priced, i might have found a new venue for my Friday coffee meets. Actually some friends introduced me to the place but Saturday was the first time i went there on my own will with my close friends. They liked it! Works for me.

  I’m curious as to what August has in store…

  |What means the most-Colbie Caillat|

• “Just Friends” (Amy Winehouse 1983-2011)

  Posted: July 28, 2011, 1:26 pm by cuppatea

  The title above is one of my favourites.

  I met her when i was 16 and freshly new on the scene. She sang to me “i told you i was trouble and that I'm no good”. Words that relate with this gay scene of ours. “take the box” was my crying song when my first boyfriend and i parted ways! “put in the box, put it in the box…” her vocals sung.

  As i grew older, “tears dry on their own” and “love is a loosing game” would be anthems for sad days or mishaps with the exes. Sometimes, “hey little rich girl” and “Valerie” would blare out loudly when my feelings were on a high, after getting my dose of loving from the same group.

  The next morning after a drinking spree, her words in “rehab” we could all relate to! “i don’t ever want to drink again” she went on to say, amen honey, we don’t wanna drink….until the next weekend!

  But Ultimately, it would be the sonorous tune of “you sent me flying” that had me respect her as a woman of experience, for in her words lay a story. A story so many relate with.

  “And although my pride is not easily disturbed
  you sent me flying when you kicked me to the kerb
  With you battered jeans and your beastie tee
  Now I can't work like this with you next to me”

  “Fuck me pumps” would always remind me of the friend that tries too hard, or strives to be noticed. So true that song i could even name several characters that fit it!

  I feel like i’ve lost a friend. When you’re used to hearing her songs almost daily or hear news about her you couldn’t help but wonder “what’s she done now?” Yes she was a drunk, a junkie, you name it. But all this is because she was just misunderstood. She was lonely, that’s why she turned to all those intoxicants. You could tell why in her songs, singing about being unloved, ill hearted friends, family… Relate them with news about her and you’d tell. I’d always tell my friends “give her those things, she needs them to sing!” Ironic that she passed away in bed, clean and calm. I hope she was warm in bed. At least she was in comfort.

  I listened to both her albums just once after she passed away, as a way of appreciating her and to say thank you for her wonderful talent. I loved her music i really did! Lord knows i’ll get drunk on her behalf soon…

  I feel it would add salt to injury if i closed this post with a song/ video of her performance like most bloggers have. “Distant dreamer” by fellow British musician Duffy is playing now. Most would find this post silly but me, she’s earned it.

  Madam, I loved your drunken junkie personality, your “don’t care” looks and that voice, oh the voice… Forever in my memoirs and playlists, Amy Winehouse (14 September 1983 – 23 July 2011) you were truly sensational… Please raise your glasses to Amy!

• The weekend Amy Winehouse Died

  Posted: July 25, 2011, 9:26 pm by cuppatea

  bloggers note: i’ve been pushed to write a post by a number of people! It’s very long, pour a stiff drink.

  “let’s just go have one for the road then we go home!” My classmate said. She’s very nice! Has a face of an angel, easy going, pretty, fun… all the elements of a desireable lady! She is also a first class derailer! (a derailer is a person who diverts you into other plans)

  We get to a pub where we meet another classmate. “i’ve got tickets for rugby let’s go!” he says. Mind you i had a blind date in town waiting for me! “alright but i’ll leave after the match.” i say. Excuse me ladies and gentlemen! Who am i to turn down tickets to go see big buffed guys running around in tight shorts? =D Off we went!

  At the stadium, it wasn’t too packed. Kenya vs ZImbabwe. Kenya played well but i felt they had no morale. Zimbabwe won! (DAMN YOU ZIM!) by such a close margin! Oh well. This is where my story begins. We’d bought a few cans of booze during the game just as refreshment. At the stadium, there’s several bars. One of them has a ridiculous name! As in someone sat down with a business plan and decided out of all the names in this world, they would call their bar Kuchi Kuchi. I kid you not. We went there and started. It had been raining and i was really delayed and the blind date kept calling and calling asking where i was. I didn’t feel like going for it so i asked him if we could postpone it. Actually my classmates made me not go for it after i told them it’s a blind date and that HE was waiting for me. Yes people i came out to my classmates officialy, though they’d always suspected strongly. Moving on swiftly, the blind date asks if he could come to where i am. I agree, on the condition he doesn’t mind my classmates. BY THE WAY how i ended up with a blind date, he added me on that social network and he talked me into meeting him.

  I told my classmates that he’d be coming. And then i made a bet. “200 bob, he’s as ugly as sin” i say. “i’ll add an extra 200!” one classmate says. “where’s that 50” another says. Yes people i made a bet against someone, and i felt nothing! (what do you think the outcome of the bet was?) 600 shillings later we waited. As we were waiting, my phone pings with news, my favourite musician Amy Winehouse had passed away. “Bullshit! waiter, bring me another beer from the back of the fridge! My favourite musician has died! QUICK!” i say banging the table. I was a little shocked! (still hasn’t registered). My phone rings. He is here. I walk with a girlfriend to get him.

  He is a character “on the downlow”, and his version of being “down low” is wearing skinny jeans, a scarf and a tight 3 button shirt. With a walk to match. I knooooooow…. We make the necessary introductions and sit. My classmates and i meanwhile, have a “roundabout” conversation. As the blind date and i were talking, they’d been arguing amongst themselves about who won the bet, the ladies had bet that the guys was fly and all that, we blokes were betting that he was fugly—fucking ugly! Well, to some he’s nice looking but to me, HELL NO! Anyone who knows me would know i like stocky/athletic/meaty/buff guys. So not only did my rugby team loose, my fave musician dead, but my blind date was not aesthetically pleasing. Shit.

  And then he orders a Guinness. Bloody hell!  The evening continues. I finished my booze, and promptly ordered another one. I wasn’t anywhere near high for all this! He proceeds to literally, interrogate my classmates. A girlfriend sends me a text saying “aaaw he’s got a good personality”. I text back saying “girl please, his head is the focal point of his body", its HUGE”. And then he asks, “so why are you single?”

  He pushed all the wrong buttons. “Gee, i don’t know!” i say, i ask my classmates, “why am i single?” they snigger. They eventually said it’s because i’m picky. True. We have one more round and wind up. Time to head home. So we part ways with the blind date, who mind you, was high on one bottle. I’d been noticing he was getting a bit disoriented. Shame. Please note if you want to date me you one of the traits should be to have a higher tolerance level than me! That is all.

  The road home has an area full of clubs and pubs. “let’s just greet a friend of mine for a few minutes then we head home.” she says. I was like “sure why not!” We park and head into the club. The spot we sat in was right next to the DJ. Complete with a sub woofer. A very big one! We continue drinking. I confess, the highness kicked in. I confess the blind date had me drinking like the booze was water and my classmates are serious drinkers themselves, by the time we’d got to the club, i’d had 6 bottles. Not including the beer cans from earlier. This is when i started getting high. The music was so danceable! I danced. Then i got bored with the music. Whipped out my wallet and paid the DJ a thousand bob to play soul music for an hour. He gladly accepted. I danced. And danced. And danced. 1am reaches and my hour expires, the music is that whole “gully creeper” shit so i sat. Still chatting with classmates. They’d also started getting  drunk and forcing me to drink theirs. I absolutely hate Smirnoff black ice! 4 years ago i was a fish in water with it. I cannot even stand the taste. Yet i drank the damn thing! 2am. Another friend of mine calls me. He is high and says he’s coming over to the club we’re in. half an hour later i’d even forgot he was coming. So We’re leaving and then my friend, high as ever, says “so and so are the the club next door, lets go say hi!” you mean let’s go say HIGH! Which we did. Another hour of drinking and conversation. By this time one of the ladies was on the verge of blacking out. One bloke apparently has feelings for one of my girlfriends. So You know what he did?

  He deliberately punctured his tire.

  I know! Just to get her attention! 3am and here we are at a parking lot looking at a flat tire. People are arguing and They’re too drunk to change tires so i volunteer. The scissor jack collapsed even before i got it up, he conveniently forgot to mention  that. Luckly i hadn’t jacked up the car yet. We get another one from the other car. Change the tire. He then locks his keys inside his car. “fuck this shit, cuppatea lets go home.” she  says. We enter the car, all of us. Lucky for us it’s an offroader so there’s loads of space. 4.30am. The time i got into my bed! See? i got home! eventually.

  Bloggers note again: those of you who are drinking tea or any other hot substance reading this post, go make another cup or reheat the damn thing, i’m not done.

  Sunday morning

  I woke up drunk! Yes i slept for 3 hours because of these churches with giant P.A systems blaring out their music at ungodly hours! Once i wake up i cannot sleep. So i’m making tea and checking my notifications. I then tell the friend who’s coming that “he stood me up.” in a joking fashion. He texts back to say he’ll come over in the afternoon. No amount of tea could stop my highness from going away. I think i had like 6 litres of alcohol in my system! Food helped. The hangover that came afterward was just…. So my friend comes. He’s gay yes. I told him to come indoors because i don’t believe in people parking outside home, you host guests properly! He meets my brothers and sisters. And cousin. He is hangovered as well. So we talk and somewhere along our conversation, with my cousin in the sitting room, says “so there was this guy with sexy lips at the place i was in last night”. My cousin looks up. I didn’t care, we just continued talking! He either ignored our conversation or doesn’t care. I was to go see a friend to explain why i didn’t make it for his house party (oh yes i’d been invited to a gig which i ended up not going so it’s only polite to go apologize in person). I tell my brother i’d be back to cook.

  We drive to my friends place. Turns out he knows my other friend! Small world. There was left over wine so i tackled that whilst telling him about the previous nights’ activities and why i couldn’t come. An hour later that wine bottle was empty and i was high again! My other friend is on vodka. He gets tipsy. This is what we call Balance brought forward. Adding more alcohol the next day to your system which hasn’t digested/absorbed the booze will  get you high easily. 6pm reaches and i had to get back home to cook. Not before cracking people up with my conversations though!

  Back at home, there’s no electricity. I cook anyway. I can cook when i’m high as well! CUI: cooking under the influence! I’d invited my friend over for dinner seeing as he brought me back home so he was company in the kitchen. Dinner is ready. We serve, eat and relax. Mind you my cousin knew i was high, as did my brother and the ayah. Whoops! My chicken curries are always a hit though! My friend says “i feel like another drink”. So did i! So i told my brother “im going for an hour to get a CD”. I know! He was like “mmmmhmmm”. This is 9pm and of course i can’t tell him i’m going to drink ON A SUNDAY EVENING haha! So we go to a local pub and chat. My friend sadly is bottom like me so we can’t really do anything. We talk about how we like each other, the days events, previous nights out. What are we drinking? GIN! a whole bottle went down in an hour. We were so high when we got back home we’d even forgot we were “getting a disc”. I found a music cd in the car so that helped lol! We made out. And in the process of making out my brother opens the gate!!! I think he saw us making out. Meh.

  He says he was coming to see what the noise outside was. It was us talking loudly. He goes back in and we collapse laughing! I was outside the car and my friend in the car so it must have looked like i was leaning in to talk. I think lol! We say our goodbyes and i go indoors. Use the internet (you should see all my drunken activites on facebook---they’re hilarious!) and shortly after, black out on my bed. UPSIDE DOWN!

  Woke up this morning at 11am and My brother says to me he put me in bed, in the correct position and removes my earphones. I couldn’t even drink my tea! Pain killers and a shower later here i am!

  What a whirlwind weekend that was!

  Amy Winehouse will get her own post after this one. She’s what i’m listening to at the moment.

  |Close to the front-Amy Winehouse|

• Foolish player!

  Posted: July 18, 2011, 9:15 pm by cuppatea

  From a conversation today:

  Friend: "i got did by a guy who's name i don't know!"

  Me: HAHA! Again? Kijana what's wrong with you??

  Friend: "it was good sex!"

  Me: AHAHAH!! Oh goodness me you're becoming a CRACK HO! How'd it happen?

  Friend: "Drinking at a pals place and then one thing led to another..." (with malicious smile)

  Me: I know this person?

  (friends gives description)

  Me: Wooooooiii Welcome "club shagged by ****" AHAHAHAHAHA!!!! =D

  Friend: ".........ghai..." (Surprised look)

  Me: At least you've not been played even before going on a date! hahahaha!!! =D This is so hilarious i can't even be upset!

  Friend: "I didn't know he had rep! But he’s fiiiiine…"

  Me: Cue in Whitney’s same script different cast song AHAHAHAH!!!! My ribs!!

  Friend: "Ah, men..."

  Me: At least you got some innit? (grinning)

  Friend: “gosh… yeah…” (looks blank)

  Bloggers note: I was not supposed to post anything until my semester finals ended! That man my friend got sexed by is such a HARLOT! As in you're tryna get me to go on a date with you and you're busy shagging my friend and i at different times of the year whilst knowing we're friends? What's wroooooooooooooong wit you! FOOL!

  p.s i know it’s not my business with whom my friends sleep with but really? reeeeeeeeally? Shame.

  |can’t stop-Maroon 5|

• Italian Concerts

  Posted: July 11, 2011, 12:10 am by cuppatea

  “WE BUDA!!!” (hey you!) A man with really bloodshot eyes yelled. Dressed in light brown trousers, a black shirt, faded, and really worn out shoes.

  “Ah bloody shit not now!” i said to myself. I sprinted and ran as fast as my feet could carry me! All the way to one very large, very central park we call Uhuru Park. Some random hooligan/thief/ruffian was on my tail! I was walking beside Uhuru-highway from westlands, so that i could make it on time for a classical concert. Luckily, he didn’t catch up with me. I might have had a high school record for 500-800 metre sprint once upon a time…

  So this concert had an orchestra and a conductor from Italy. World famous Ricardo Muti and the Luigi Cherubini youth orchestra were in town for the Kenyan chapter of the Ravena Roads of friendship concerto series. I was not missing this! I was joined by a good friend of mine from uni, and at the concert i met uniboy and his friends. I also met….this man! Remember him? The nice one i met during musical auditioning, who took me for a concert? You know, the one that led me on before he told me he had a boyfriend (Damn!), or did i forget to mention that? Anyhoo, he sat with my friend and i  during the concert. Before she came, i’d been sitting semi-alone, so he saw me from afar and came to sit. I didn’t mind! He still looks amazing! Well, to me at least.

  The concert was really nice, except for the African dances. What. The. Hell. It’s a classical concert not an afro-fusion drums galore concert! I felt very insulted. I was promptly reminded that this was for the diplomatic community and the tourists. They like such things. Alright. Kenya desperately needs an opera theatre.

  After the concert, He walked me back to the city centre. Now this is why people call me a “hopeless romantic”, because i find beauty in scenes like the following. The sun was setting and the clouds had cleared, the temperature was cool and the evening birds were singing. At Uhuru park, there’s a big lake. Imagine the rays of the sun poking through the trees and bouncing off the lake, reflecting them? We walked slowly, closely to each other as we talked. Sigh. He is someone else’s boyfriend (last time i checked) so i knew where to draw the line. We were just talking about music, the concert, and other opera/neo-classical musicians. Nothing about each other’s lives. I feel he was doing the same thing. I suppose this is what people who’re attracted to each other but can’t do anything more, do! Right! Life continues.

  Concerts aside, there’s 70 paged hand outs that need my perusal before my lecturers set booby traps in my semester finals. I doubt the month could get anymore exciting than this.

  |Delayed Devotion-Duffy|

• You & Sex are mutual friends

  Posted: July 6, 2011, 12:27 am by cuppatea

  Recently i was talking to a friend, and randomly, the topic on sex came up. He was telling me about his new friend who seems to be a good one, how they’re very communicative with each other. The conversation went something like this---

  Friend: “….And he’s really nice, i tell him anything i want and he listens".”

  Me: “wow, sounds like your friend is a great listener! Does he talk to you about his issues?”

  Friend: “Talk? oh no this is sex we’re talking about, this guy fucks me the way i want to be done!”

  Me: (with a surprised look) “Oh! Okay, so you tell him how you wanna get laid, styles and all?”

  Friend: “Yes! He’s not even that big but he does a great job! He makes me so flexible!”

  Me: (Still fascinated) “But don’t you two actually talk about things, you know, life problems, mutual hobbies…stuff?”

  Friend: “He’s not very interesting to talk to.”

  Me: “But you two still fuck? damn…”

  Friend: “Yeah, the most we say are hellos or byes or asks if i’m thirsty or hungry.”

  Me: “Where’d you two meet?”

  Friend: “Ah, you know these random adds on facebook and then you get an inbox saying how sexy you are…i was bored so i played along. We met, the date was really quiet, but there was this tension…

  Me: “Let me guess, a sexual one?”

  Friend: “exactly! So we went rave then we hugged and that was enough to get us back into his bedroom!"

  Me: “Really? And you didn’t mind?”

  Him: “no way, he’s not bad looking!”

  Me: “So really, the only thing you two have in common is sex??” ( i start laughing)

  Friend: “Mara that! I have him on speed dial even! He’s a really good friend! (giggles)

  Me: “Speed dial??” (Still laughing)

  Him: Yes! press 9 and wait for instructions!” (laughing)

  Me: (laughing out loud) you’ve won…

  Yes, he certainly has a good friend. It seems they’re opposites but they have a strong physical attraction! Knowing this friend of mine, it seems he’ll be friends with this one for a while…

  |Hot-Avril Lavigne|

• Ended June to start July

  Posted: July 3, 2011, 1:29 am by cuppatea

  • My silence can be explained by hectic schedules of university and silly amounts of work! A uni that can waste your life can also make you very busy.
  • Walked a few kilometres to the city to meet a friend for coffee. We’ve got shit rules about accident scenes in this country, no really, it is awful. Pulling cars to the side of the road without a cop, just to ease flow of traffic, can get you into trouble.
  • Karaoke night with friends was fun experience! We lost to a group of aged Men. The same men carried rifles with them to the bar, in very elegant cases. They were hilarious! Hiding from the cops was real fun, being in an illegal bar and stuff.
  • The same night saw me get busted fumbling around the house by mother dearest. Really, all months should begin this way.
  • Running into ex boyfriends or former friends is not awkward anymore! That’s mainly because i don’t give a bat’s shit about their lives. They stopped being relevant when they’re incapable of simple things like apologies.
  • Effort is something i value, so when you lack this, you automatically fail to capture my attention. It’s really that simple.
  • My walking shoes are back in stock! I can go hiking comfortably again.
  • June really dragged it’s sorry arse. See you next year!
  • Happy 4th of July to my American Audience! I’ll come for the pike’s peak challenge in a few years!

• Walls are good for doors

  Posted: June 26, 2011, 6:37 pm by cuppatea

  There’s couples all around me, and just around the corner there’s one very bored cuppatea hiding! To be explained later on.

  Meanwhile, do you remember the guy that flirted with me in the matatu? Well, i went to his place, but not alone, i had a friend with me. We walked to his place seeing as he lives around me. But this time, he had an entirely different tune! “so have you seen any hot girls lately?” he asks me. You’d imagine my friend and i had blank looks! I’d told him how the guy wanted to be introduced hence he should come but now the man starts talking about women! Really? After our visit, we concluded that he is most likely confused. He’s got Walls. Because despite us talking about relatively gay things deliberately he didn’t mind, he actually sounded interested. I think he was nervous too. I want to leave it alone but something’s telling me i should just try and help him but there’s just always so much drama involved and i’m not up for that…

  There was a “meeting” with a guy on Friday evening, that went quite well i must say. I was introduced to him by another friend. However what are these walls men have? I seem to be stumbling upon them lately. It’s the first time in a long while i’ve spent over an hour, with a guy, over coffee! That’s good right? He had my attention the whole time. I remember a while back i was on another “meeting” with some fellow and all that was running in my head was “oh my goodness why am i here again?” My mind was clear with this one. They’re quite older than i am. I notice men my age or thereabout aren’t quite attracted to me. I think it’s because of the way i dress, or the way i hold conversation (they couldn’t answer some simple questions, like the highlight of a trip they took) or the way i called someone “dimensionally handicapped” last night at this birthday get together i was invited for, so that just might have made me look like a bitch! Just a bit. Should i scale these walls and find a door?

  So this birthday thing. I was invited after procrastinating my visit to see the host because of sooooo many things like lack of time or him being abroad and the like. His friend was having a birthday. Cuppatea was brought up with the aspect of time keeping. Being late really agitates me! It was to start at 7pm. I was there at 8pm. There was this random storm that caught Nairobi unaware Saturday evening so as usual drivers decide “oh no it raining i’m going to drive like a mad person eeeeeeeeek!!!!” I get there and i’m the first guest! Imagine that! The second guests arrive. A couple. And the third. Also a couple. And the fourth. A couple too. The fifth? Wow another couple! “what is this, couples night?” i ask myself. The host tells me that they’d gone on a day trip and most of them are in relationships. Luckily, the 2nd guests were rather delightful to talk to!

  Sometime that evening, this man comes (and he just called wondering where i’d gone off to at the time of writing this) with his boyfriend. DUCK! Right i didn’t hide but i greeted him and kept my distance that evening. I didn’t want homodrama happening again. It’s apparently the in thing to be insecure about boyfriends and call every Tom, Dick, Harry and Cuppatea (all these months later, still! Foolish rumour-mongers) boyfriend stealers. Later one of the friends says everyone should find a man whether boyfriend or not and dance to a song. By this time i was tired (around 2am) and i DID NOT want to dance. So i went behind a door and watched/played with cell phone. This is anti-social behaviour according to you the reader. But to me, it was strategy. Hell no was i about to dance with some random shady person! I was about to leave with the 2nd couple anyway. I thanked the host for having me and i was dropped at a fuel station where cabs were. “JAMBO!” the cab driver goes. “eish boss, i’m Kenyan. Apologize and greet me properly!” The man laugh and says “niaje.” Much better. Still got charged an arm and a leg though. By the by, i had only two glasses of Gin and Krest! I’m getting old.

  I choose to take everything as it comes, less worry and more life! Let’s see what this week, the end of this month of June, has in store for me.

  |Authentic Reaction-ATB Presents Apple & Stone|

• It’s the little things…

  Posted: June 22, 2011, 11:21 pm by cuppatea

  I wonder why Google felt it was appropriate to put a rainbow around the search button when someone searches the term “gay”. It’s very nice though! =D

• My most played song…

  Posted: June 21, 2011, 10:48 pm by cuppatea

  …Is sung by a musician called Brandon Flowers. He also plays lead vocal for the band The Killers. My favourite song of his from his solo album “Flamingo”, is called “only the young”. From the very first time i heard this track i totally fell in love with it! It’s to me a choleric track. My iTunes tells me that i’ve played his song 81 times! I can’t ever get tired of it, for me, it’s an instant classic!

  Today’s his birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRANDON FLOWERS!!! You’re legendary…

• Refreshed

  Posted: June 18, 2011, 6:40 pm by cuppatea

  Surprise!

  I decided that the blog should get a new look! Last years layout, though classy and all web 2.0 like, wasn’t an accurate reflection of the author. So here’s one bright coloured theme that many of you would say suits me! It reminds me of the original. it even has a RAINBOW! Ahahaha! Gay Pride INDEED! I should say that this is a personal blog, so the posting styles vary. You might notice some posts are really moody, others are happy. I’ll try my best to balance one mood when writing. What do you think? The tweet button’s gone! If convinced ill put one. But my tweets are boring, as someone pointed out i tweet about tea, school, home and that’s about it!

  Right seriously though i’ve been quite busy with this thing called education. I finished my professional exams (which i’ve put on hold until 2013) but now i have presentations, more continuous assessments and assignments. I’ve been indoors this entire month and it feels weird not being out with people, moreso being SOBER! I’ve been clean for a while, despite saying that after my professional papers i’ll go and “chafua” (get dirty). Yeah that’s not going to happen…people lost psyche and or they’re unavailable. There’s the safari rally today and i’m not there! Shocking. There’s next time. I’ll do my best to be there. The feeling of missing out can be compared to that of a 4th grade student in lunch time detention watching his classmates play from the window!

  Yes June is a quiet month it seems. A little too quiet for my liking but at least there’s peace! And a new Katy Perry video that has Kenny G, the Hanson Rebecca Black! I like the 80s theme…

• Up to mid-June in 5 minutes.

  Posted: June 12, 2011, 9:39 pm by cuppatea

  Barely midway into the month and so far:

  • I’ve been hit on in a matatu by some random guy from another university! Though he’s not interested in me, he’s interested in my friends. Snap. At least he took my number?
  • Men even leave me hanging. Guess what, i’ve let go! They think i’m going to chase them with calls and texts. Oh they’re so wrong…
  • Sweater shopping was the most un-radical shopping experience yet! There just wasn’t any selling zeal by the sellers! And what the hell, it’s not that cold yet and they cost that much? oh hell!
  • Still on fashion, if looks could kill i’d be long dead, i didn’t know that male fashionistas (you know, the super tight, skinny jean rocking, 3 button shirt kind) could hate like that. At a store opening/fashion show an acquaintance gave me such a withering look, like i was dirt! Jesus even the bouncer was shocked! I was in khakis and a polo shirt with flip flops, in the VIP section. I didn’t go back when they were re-arranging the sitting arrangements, lest fashion cop was called to take photographs of me looking “tragic”.
  • When you finish an exam which people never finish, 20 minutes before time, there’s a problem. The problem? Some of those topics, though covered, were so confusing i picked the answer randomly using the “inky pinky” method.
  • Dormans coffee house never ever have lemon tarts when i want them! Come on! What’s the point of having it on the menu when it’s never there?
  • “on beauty” by Zadie Smith for ksh50 on the streets! Hawkers sometimes are a blessing.
  • 3 hours. The time it took to write this. Which i’ll never get back mind you. The amount of work i have and then here i am writing about silly experiences!

  My life needs cayenne or pepper.

  |Goiano-Deep Forest|

• Ending May: Mid-Year review

  Posted: May 30, 2011, 11:40 pm by cuppatea

  You seem flustered, long day?

  Hell yes!! I woke up to a black out, I get to uni and morning class is cancelled, reading for professional exams is a total bitch and the 2 hour class discussion with the lecturer was very mind joggling. Plus the heat! Random weather we’ve got going here.

  I see, what would make it better then?

  You know what would be really, really nice? A cappuccino grande from Java. With Apple pie.

  So what did you think about the month of May?

  Ummm, I’d say interesting. With a dash of surprise and a pinch of pain!

  Really? Tell us more.

  I clarified things, got hurt, laughed my arse off, got drunk as usual (though i’ve been clean for a week) and got put in my place.

  Tell us about your love life.

  Well, i ran into an old flame and clarified things, but totally mistook his actions. Missing your ex does not translate into reconciliation. He just wanted to talk. People who miss others do that apparently. Excuse me for reading the wrong signs. Another man turned me down. Personally i think he likes another guy, the whole “i’m not looking for a relationship” vibe (even when i didn’t ask about that topic) gave him away. Oh well. Did i mention the old flame said the same? mmm yes.

  How would you rate your last sexual encounter, on a scale of 1 to 5…?

  That’s quite difficult! Would 3 be mean?

  Why?

  Just because you’ve got a big tool doesn’t mean you’ll wow me entirely. If he were a car, he’d be a Lexus LS460. Good to handle but no soul in the driving experience!

  What would you recommend?

  You know, there’s this book called the Kama sutra…

  Where would you like to go for a weekend getaway?

  Nanyuki! There’s Mt. Kenya, wild animals and nature! Camping or a nice secluded lodge is an idea.

  On to shopping, what was your most recent purchase and why?

  A cell phone pouch. I’m tired of coins scratching the screen.

  Do you think it’ll help you?

  I sure hope so!

  June is usually highlighted as the middle of the year, what do you think so far of the year 2011?

  This year has been rather unpredictable! I didn’t think i’d be where i’m at now. I knew when i started the year that it’ll be random, but i didn’t see these coming haha…

  Have you achieved any goals?

  Yes, i ran a marathon. I’d always wanted to do one by myself. And By run i mean half jogged and half walked, injuring my foot in the process but hey, it was totally worth it!

  What do you expect from the rest of the year?

  Sincerely at this rate, i’ve got no bloody idea. Maybe go somewhere far away? It seems like the most realistic thought at the moment. Have you seen the size of the passport papers?

  Meanwhile, what are you listening to?

  Michael Buble’s How can you mend a broken heart from his first album. Did you know he sings with the Bee gees in that song?

  Why him?

  His music reminds me of Art Deco periods, and he’s got such a wonderful voice! It’s refreshing to listen to his kind of jazz/swing/band music.

  The next song that will play is…?

  If i was God by Natalia Kills. Cool song.

  Finally, any parting shot you’d like to share?

  Actually yes, where’s that pink velvet elephant in the room that no one’s allowed to talk about? hmmm….

• a brief take on Coming Out

  Posted: May 25, 2011, 1:29 pm by cuppatea

  The New York Times are running an interesting article that contains videos and stories of American Teens and their thoughts on coming out, how they came out and reactions to their “action”. It can be found here.

  Many think coming out is a one time thing, an event. Well, it’s not! It’s something that happens over and over until you’re just like “Christ not again…” You tell individuals at the most random of times, sometimes as a joke (to be explained) and sometimes in some really compromising situations where really, the only option is to come out. This at times, occurs repeatedly! I’m always asked by random girls or guys “are you gay?”. Depending on my level of interaction or knowledge of them, i give my answer directly or indirectly. I have never denied my sexuality. Most of the time people just assume correctly. Others are plain blind!

  Coming out is prepared for or unexpected, given your situation. Some have it all planned out, the sit downs with family, or confidential coffees with close friends…While others are quite literally, caught in the act! Most of the time, the unprepared ones have no idea how to explain themselves. Either way it’s definitely NOT easy! Many are scared of the reactions. Being in Sub-Saharan Africa, we most if not all the time, face opposition and hatred. For the lucky urbanites, some are accepted. It depends on your circle. It’s the case with the youth here in Nairobi. They’ve got social networking and in many cases, high school friends or neighbours with similar traits/behaviours with them thus making it easy for them to interact with other gays in society. One always knows another, are introduced to another and the cycle continues. However, they will guard it from their family until, a funny situation makes them come out. One of my younger friends’ fashion sense gave him away, another was caught in bed with the boyfriend, another had incriminating text messages e.t.c. Is it their fault? Well, Yes and No. They should monitor their environments and see whether they can be open or not. On the other hand, They’re happy being at peace with themselves (denial is a bad stage) so really they get carried away at being themselves lol!

  My own coming out story to my sister’s a little bit funny, i’ll save it for another day. However, today i tried to come out to my schoolmates over pizza. A girl had asked me out to coffee, and i went in a queeny fashion saying “i’m gay”, complete with hand movement. She clearly thought i was joking. Then i said “i’m not dating women at the moment”. Her, and the rest of the group were like “those are the two worst lines you can tell a lady, just tell her you’re not interested! Seriously cuppatea..” I was quite amused with my schoolmates. I’m quite expressive of myself and my behaviour isn’t exactly the most manly… You clearly see how obvious i’ve tried to make it. So i went on to say “I’ll date women when i see fit.”

  They agreed.

  |Le Cri Du Coeur- In-Grid|

• thoughts unedited 3: Smile

  Posted: May 22, 2011, 1:19 am by cuppatea

  Why aren’t i being told of people’s get togethers? Unpopular much? i refuse to be told by a guest that a host, someone i call a friend, is throwing a party and they don’t let me know. But it’s all good, Clearly club bed is a cool option. Should the rapture happen i’ll be in boxers. I like this Michael Buble song with the Bee Gees though! And this whole album. I smile, just smile.

  The waiters here know i’m gay for real. The company i bring with me to this joint always has their eyebrows raised a notch each time we walk in. And why does this coffee taste so good? I can’t even hold the cup straight, he’s making me nervous. Hell, i’m nervous! i’ve spilled some coffee on my pants and i’m going out tonight! Oh well, the world’s ending today, might as well look trashy while i’m at it. His arm is behind me. Oh gosh! Act cool. I had this whole conversation prepared in my head and then just look how i’m talking to him, HE makes me like this! No other human. I have mixed words like a drunk Kikuyu man from Nyeri. And he smiles. Alas, he’s not doing relationships. I didn’t even ask, what made him say that? I’ll Just smile.

  Classy pool side bar. Gordons and Krest is clearly a good combination! I’m sticking to this. Emo and i look like two spoilt brats. Again. Such a chilled out evening, and look at the evening sun’s rays, i like how it makes that white building look yellow. Summer love by Denyque is such a cool song, got to get it later on. Ha, 6pm passed us by and we’ve not been raptured. LOL at the religious dumbass for punking the world. Look at that man staring at me. Just smile and catch him off guard. Just smile.

  One drink and then i’m going home. Drinking at Nairobi west is at the height of alcoholism! Anyway, my last weekend out for a while…might as well. And this bar is so noisy. So now this man, he’s giving me mixed signals. He likes me i like him but he’s not going to date or get into a relationship? Bloody hell this is the second guy in a span of 6 hours telling me they don’t want a relationship. Again, i didn’t ask him. Why on earth has he told me this? Commitmophobia much? Clearly. Just smile.

  I like how i’ve been derailed. It’ll be nice to see these two again, they’re really nice. Oh look, i’m high! I’m smiling even though i feel awful inside! Just smile damnit!

  I’m going to get my arse lectured i know. I can’t even remember sections of last night. Ke$ha and all her glitter would’ve been proud i swear. I will never go to someone’s home that high EVER again! He’s one of my role models and then i just waltz into his home drunk. Oh my goodness i did that? Stupid vanishing memory. I must be the only person who’s memory gets erased drinking gin. good thing i was writing my activities down on the cell. I’m sitting here smiling. I just smile.

  Amazing how this wall is so cold and the water from the shower’s so hot. This could be a scene from some dramatic soap! Naked man in shower leaning forward with one hand against the wall with water drops bouncing off. Classy. I’m smiling for nothing, i find art in such strange things. I smile.

  Fi Hagat by Nancy Ajram’s one of those songs i just can’t describe. I could cry.

   

• Forgiveness & Other things

  Posted: May 19, 2011, 2:36 am by cuppatea

  Sunday Night, i’m in bed listening to Nelly Furtado’s song called Try. I think to myself as i fall asleep, “why is the country making noise over the nominated Chief and deputy chief Justices?” Willy and Nancy (Nominated chief justice & deputy chief justice) should be accepted as any other individual fit for the job! People are just scared of change. So, they’re pro-LGBT, who cares? It’s not like they’re going to make that their highlight, their PRIMARY task would be to reform the judicial system (a failure in this nation) and modernize it! Lesser politicians and MPigs are using the fact that the nominees have interests in the LGBT community, i.e they’re open minded, and are using this fact to claim them unfit for the posts. What a bloody shame… I cannot wait for the debate in parliament, i’ll have my fingers crossed for Willy and Nancy, they are in my opinion, fit for the posts.

  In bed Monday night listening to Imogen Heap’s Speeding cars song, i really thought to myself, “really, what’s the point in carrying a grudge that someone did wrong things to you?” It’s tiresome and it makes you bitter! They say forgiveness is the biggest thing anyone can ever do. It’s not easy, putting the past behind and moving on like nothing happened. I told a few bloggers in my previous post’s comment that i’d explain why there’s no need to see/read/watch anything regarding superman… Well… I’ve forgiven him. I know right, y’all are like “bitch what the heeeeeeells wrong wit’ you?!” The answer is simple, because i can. I’ve a Ugandan friend who goes like “ah, all that drama’s so last year hun, keep up! *snap*” And you know what? HE’S RIGHT! Naturally, superman doesn’t know yet. It’s not something you say via text, or phone call. i’ll do it in person. At the party when he said “i should have treated you better, i’m sorry.” (damn right you should’ve.) i went on said, “that’s alright.” I’d normally sit with my hands crossed with a stern look but oh nooooo, i just sat there with my palms on my thighs with a smile on my face… So people, i’ve forgiven the man. I’m big enough to forgive him and put absolutely everything behind me. I see no reason why i should keep holding past events against him.Unlike others, i’m capable of extending gratuity. So there we have it, Now there’s nothing more to see/regard/watch. Life continues. Let all the comments of how foolish i am come. I will merely shrug my shoulders and smile.

  Wrapped in my two duvets (the formidable cold winter is on it’s way) listening to Love Come By Sarah McLachlan. It was International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia (IDAHO). It’s also the day i went to visit my friend, her mum passed away. I didn’t have time to think how “as a gay person, what can i do to celebrate the day”. Truth be told, i did nothing! It felt like an ordinary day. Yes it’s an anti-homophobic day. But that doesn’t make homophobia go away. Even though i don’t mention it here, i still get insulted, shrewd looks, laughed and shunned by some people almost every week. It’s not worth mentioning because it’s so cliche! I combat this by not taking notice of them. Ignoring them would imply that i was paying attention to them. Such a case happened recently, when i was out on the rave. Last Saturday night in Westlands, i met a former classmate in his backie (a pick up truck). This guy is loud, tall, and big. He used to laugh at me in the evening class when the lecturer made funny remarks about me. He was drinking and chewing Khat. He stops me to ask “yo, can i ask you a question, a personal question?” He has his friends. He has this sick smile on his face, a dangerous one. I was in skinny jeans and a shirt. I know what he was going to ask. But instead, i said “no, i’ll see you around.” and walked quickly to the car. My point is, even if we mark such a day every year, how does it help if us as a gay community in the country aren’t even united par se to begin with? All we get are stupid comments from daft ministers (it’s like being gay is an illness according to one lady) and little media coverage, most of the time scoffing at us. At the end of the day though, i can say i’m proud to be a gay man in this society! I can never EVER be ashamed of whom i am. I survive.

  I thought i saw your face today by She & Him is playing. It’s Wednesday the 18th. I went to uni and came back home. It’s been quite the ordinary day really! I’ve been told by unreliable sources (members of the church, friends) that the world ends this Saturday the 21st. I doubt i can get intoxicated and good sex before then, but if it does end, cheers! I’ve lived a good life. When the world begins to end, you won’t find me in a church! Please excuse me while i go raid a classy liqueur store, i need to stand before our Good God intoxicated with a half empty bottle of Gordons Gin! It’s the only way i can explain myself properly ,most likely inbetween laughing my arse off hysterically at whatever unrealistic scenes i’m looking at…Imagine an angel wearing Yves Saint Laurent or Gucci. HA! Imagine that! I think the first question i’d ask would be “a burning bush, really?” Religion has been questionable to me since i heard that.

  see you when you see me.

  |How r u doin-Aqua| |Precious-Depeche Mode| |Only the young-Brandon Flowers|

• Running To Fix Broken Hearts

  Posted: May 15, 2011, 1:09 am by cuppatea

  See that green swarm? those are marathon runners/joggers/walkers/hyperactive children on Steroids!

  The matter Heart run was really good. I got there at 6.30am, the walk commenced at 8am, and i was done by ten past 9am. 1h10min to do 10km! Not too bad for a half jogged, half walked run! I’ve got a friend who did it in 30 minutes. He’s epic… So all of us raised funds to help Fix a child’s broken heart mend children with heart ailments. Over 200 children will go for heart surgeries and live their lives like normal children! That’s a good cause yes?

  During dinner with friends Saturday night, i got a text message from the most unsuspecting person. Confused, I put it away. We went for a party afterwards. Very nice one, i’m happy i’d reserved my name on the guest list, i didn’t think i’d be heading there but something told me just RSVP. So It would be here where i’d just HAPPEN to run into the sender of the text message! Karma or fate, i’ve no idea who worked that magic. I held my friends arm in panic “oh my goodness he’s here! what do i do, oh no..” i recall saying. I’m so fortunate my friends were reassuring. Told me to keep my cool and just have fun. So that i did! J-lo has a nice new song with Pitbull that i quite like.

  So there’s this guy, really nice fellow. We got along instantly a few weeks back when we met at a party. Been seeing him since but it didn’t quite occur to me that he’s been prospecting me, i was told by a reliable source he had. Oh boy! I confirmed my suspicions when he sat next to me and said “so i’ve missed you…” We’d not met up for coffee in ages. I have mixed feelings about this.

  The rugby player fellow is relentlessly on my tail after yet another friend forced us to dance together on the dance floor! He wants me. I can see this in his eyes. The fact he called me today said it all. Men are so obvious, “i was just calling to say hi”. Yes, yes you were! I also have mixed feelings about this! He is nice, totally smart and he’s my type. But why aren’t i pursuing him? It would be, to summate this, difficult to make him monogamous.

  But this particular scene took the cake from this whole party. The sender of the text message wanted to talk. So i pulled him aside when i was ready. It took a few songs and multiple consultations with friends to decide to talk to him. We sat and we talked. I think it was what, half an hour? By party standards that’s a long time to talk. His smile, his shyness, the way he scratches his head when he’s nervous. I didn’t want to smile but i did, I didn’t want to listen but i did. What he said though, totally surprised me! People do mature. I confess, it’d been the first time in many moons that i felt that collected. The whole thing reminds me of a song by The Script, “and we just now got the feeling that we’re meeting, for the first time.” After all this, i went home (after being derailed into westlands, sigh) a really confused fellow.

  You ask yourselves, who is this that made me behave the way i did?

  You know him as superman.

  Oh boy…

  |By the time-Mika|

• We, the walkers

  Posted: May 5, 2011, 11:48 pm by cuppatea

  How often do you walk?

  I walk lots! Sometimes against my will. Like yesterday. As you all know, Kenya is experiencing what’s in my opinion, an artificial fuel shortage engineered by obnoxious humans seeking to make a quick million. At the expense of others. It’s a serious case, especially when your neighbour, who usually drives an Audi uses his wife’s Toyota.

  I walked all the way from the bus station in the city, to my home yesterday. some 8 kilometres. There were hills, storks (hideous birds really), fumes, clouds, sweat, and many pedestrians of middle and lower classes. I was not about to pay ksh150 for a journey that costs me ksh50! Call this silent protesting. I walked. The idea was to walk to a bus stop where vehicles were more accessible. Shock on me. I kept walking. I had my music on with me, and artists like ERA, Clare Maguire, Keane, The pet shop boys e.t.c kept me company as i walked. What a walk! You know, to me, it’s not much of a big deal. I can pull this off regularly. However the ones i feel for are the mothers, who after a long day, have to go home and cook, clean and other motherly duties… or the fathers that endure long days construction then they have to walk extra distances than they ordinarily do. I hope the shortage stops! As a student, i’m suffering because of hiked fares. And ridiculous traffic! Still tryna figure out where the extra cars came from though…

  All this reminded me of a song by the Ting Tings, called “We walk”. Fabulous song…

  |we got the choice if it all goes wrong we walk, we walk------------->we walk-The Ting Tings|

• MAY it be

  Posted: May 3, 2011, 8:25 pm by cuppatea

  Happy month of May!

  May started off with me waking up sober (HA! In your face wydown) after being out the previous night with my two girlfriends and their friends. Didn’t get up to much, i went to skylux lounge (one of Nairobi’s latest chill out lounges, advertised by a few local music videos here and there) where we had drinks… i went home after, i was too tired! (i’d woken up at 5.45am that morning).

  Sunday was pretty much spent indoors… didn’t do much, just watched a few movies… (watchmen is such an epic film), as the same with Monday. I woke to “Osama Bin Laden killed” news. Finally! It left me wondering who the next evil villain is… But conspiracy theorists will have a field day with this, with them wondering why his body was never shown…anyhoo, let the world be a safer place…

  One of my favourite musicians finally released his new album! ATB has done it again with “Distant Earth”, a duo cd album of dance and downtempo/ambient music. It’s very nice! It’s a contender in my “album of the year” awards. i’ve been listening to it over and over and over…. have a listen below.

  So with my week’s break i’ve decided to walk daily, so as to practice for a benefit marathon called the Dettol Heart Run. I’ve always wanted to participate in one, so next Saturday the 14th, i expect to be there along with hundreds of runners/joggers/walkers! I’m probably doing this alone though, some of my mates complain about walking a kilometre! They’d swoon if i told them about the run hehe. The heart run’s about raising money to send young children with heart problems to hospital. Look it up! It’s for a good cause…

  I told my father i was dropping out of my 2nd degree! His reaction? '”oh okay.” He didn’t sound off or anything, just that. Gave him my reasons. “That’s fine.” he says. wow. And life continues. Some of my friends are supportive, the rest are disappointed. Erm, sorry? I find focussing on one degree and getting better grades far better than doing two degrees and getting shitty grades in them. That’s not how i operate. There’s other ways of doing more with my life!

  I should go cold season shopping! I would like a few sweaters and scarves. I won’t pull off a deep V-neck sweater that every gay man’s doing right now, (then again i never follow fashion) i’ll get something warm and simple. Shopping’s never fun alone, which is why i’m busy trying to round up two noisy queens we go shopping! That should be fun right…

  I’ve been playing a Susan Kamau (our local Martha Stewart/Jamie Oliver/Nigella/high woman in kitchen) today, i made a mango chutney! After my long walk i came back home with a mango and some chillies! I whipped up something that’ll be served with dinner tonight. I’ll take pictures and post them next time i’m making the dish…

  Back to lounging then…

  |Quelqu'un m'a dit-Carla Bruni|   |you are gold-----------> Gold-ATB ft.Jansoon|

• exit a uni, exit a life; ending April

  Posted: April 29, 2011, 12:49 am by cuppatea

  I held yet another red rose in my hand today. I buried a schoolmate today. As did the rest of of my university. The most original aspect of that burial (or "internment" as Catholics say) is that they played smooth raggae! His playlist. This Guy was quite popular. And so they played his music to honor him. Very classy. Of course there were tears. Even men wept. Its to be expected when a vibrant life leaves our world. Please Buckle up whenever y'all drive or are driven. Life's short!
  
  I've made a decision to opt out of a certain stiff uni. I've not told my father yet. He'll be abit disappointed. But my family seems to support the idea. The course is interfering with my primary degree, which I don't like! And I don't have free time like those in public universities. Unfortunately, some friends will look down on me and say "we told you, you couldn't do it." They will be full of joy when they learn this... At least I tried. In business I learned people take risks. I did! I'm not bothered by the negative image dropping out will have on me socially. No worries though, I'm still in my normal uni. Need to find an entrepreneurship mentor though.
  
  Its going to be a long weekend again. This time ill try to be indoors...even if there's parties and stuff...my wallets anorexic!
  
  Finally, remember to live everyday to the fullest! For real life's short. When its your time to go, it's your time to go. We can never foresee somethings. Rest in peace Fiesta.
  
  |this is how we like to end-Atomic Tom| Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

• The Easter story

  Posted: April 25, 2011, 11:54 pm by cuppatea

  Stiff drink needed for this post. It might be just raise your eyebrows! Just a bit.

  “life’s a right bastard it is! Fucking hell!”

  This were the words of some guy in Chinos, Sandals and a sweatshirt. You’d think he’s one of those random tourists who walk at odd hours of the night heading home or something…OH WAIT, that guy’s me! Saturday night at 1am and this chap is walking down from Ngong road rugby pitches to HURLINGHAM! At 1am!!! ALONE! To be explained. So it’s Easter (so late in April? odd) and this year it’s quite different from last year and the year before last! (i was reading my older post, i’ve matured quite abit since then) This year over Easter, i was out!

  Easter Friday saw me being utterly random! I was on chat with an artist friend of mine and he’s like “i’m free for an hour, let’s play abit”. Spontaneity being the order of the day, i went to his house! During my “short visit”, i learned that artists REALLY know how to make an “impression”. Just like a red painting, it was violent and rough!! Daaaayum! He’s tall and meaty, and he was a MISTER ENDOWED!! WOOOH!! I STILL have carpet burns on my back and my knees! oh come on, stop being shocked, i was in the mood! At this age i’m allowed! I’ve decided to have fun while i figure out what i really want. Sexual exercise being one of them! Sometimes angels need to get their faces dirty (as sung by the sugar babes) and have a bit of fun!

  Then i went for ice cream with my friend, a model. He’s gorgeous! but also shattered inside. I’m like one of his few real friends. We chat about anything really… and i make him feel better. See outside he’s really cold but when you get to know him, like i do, he’s a really nice guy. People just misunderstand him. and vice versa.

  This day also saw me go for a friends’ dinner party at an apartment somewhere. Here, he  would be as obnoxious as possible, and he was totally sober (i swear) despite downing a few glasses of gin and juice. So there were all these people and they were so stiff and snooty and segregated themselves into cliques! a number of my friends came over as well (i’ve stopped naming them—it’ll happen once in a while though). So when people had like two drinks and no one was dancing yet, i decided it’s time to loosen them up abit! By GRABBING ASS! YES!! You casually walk by someone and my arm scoops some of that! It’s not sexual harassment when people are giggling “oooooh tihihi you’re naughty!” or “ah aaaah now why have you scooped my bum tihihi *wink*” There were big ones, small ones, tight ones, loose ones, squishy ones, hard ones… I shan’t lie, it was FUN! As a result of my butt grabbing actions, someone wanted a 3 way! So when i eventually go to their home country i’ve got an open invite for one! Anyway it made people loosen up abit more which was good! Beyonce was played and people finally danced! There was a snag, my ride home, WENT HOME! apparently they “weren’t in the mood to drive all the way to my place”. Okay, Emo saves the day because his home passes mine enroute. Life saver much? Yes. Thank you darling. I got home at 3.30am. Because cousin lives so far away i put him up for the night at my place. 4am and i finally slept. What an interesting party that was…

  Easter Saturday was so retarded i wish i stayed indoors! I was getting a cell phone upgrade that day. I wanted a blackberry because of it’s physical keyboard and size. You know what i ended up getting? I huawei (wah-way) IDEOS. Or ideot as i call it. Yes yes it’s good phone but EVERYONE has it! I hate conforming to economic theorems of substitute products. It will do though. It’s not a Nexus S but it does the same things. almost. I went back home. In the evening, another friend was invited me over to his place, it was a drink up for four. I’m always dropped home with this guy. Again, they couldn’t. Actually they just went to bed! The other designate (or so i thought) was too drunk to drive. Here’s the thing, i NEEDED to be home, little dog’s ill + i didn’t have permission to sleep out. Kenacto (a taxi company) were being ridiculous with their cab fare. ksh 1800. Imagine that! Matatu then pap! I had to walk from the apartment which abit of a walk from the main road. Alone i’m a very fast walker. I get to the main road. No matatus. It’s best you keep walking! Esp next to the road on a side that has street lights! Street skills i’ve learned. And i walked. and walked. Past Habesha, past yaya centre mall, all the way to Hurlingham at a fuel station next to sailors! That’s 3.3kilometres. Hence my cursing out aloud when i was walking and there’s no PSVs. The ones that were there were either empty (NEVER sit in an empty matatu alone with just the driver and conductor, man or woman, DON’T!) or were passing by even after me flagging them down. Retarded humans! And the conductors were saying ”town?” and they just kept going on even after waving my arms! I got fed up and continued walking.

  I decided to take a cab at hurlignham because it’s ALOT cheaper and it was just a short walking distance. BY THE WAY, two cars slowed down as i walked. I CANNOT believe people thought i was a prostitute! I wasn’t dressed scandalously! Or doing suggestive actions. Should i ever need to do that i’ll ask lady Sue for help. For real! Or a pimp friend of mine. (yes people i know i gay pimp). At the fuel station,  I walk to an askari at a cash point. “sema boss, kuna taxi hapa?” (hi boss, are there any taxis here?) i ask. I was still annoyed, and i was cold. He could see that. “wacha niangalie” (let me see) he says. He walks to a cab and wakes up the driver, then he calls me. I ask how much. “ksh600” he says. To be honest, i thought he’d charge like a thousand because of my…look. it was 3 times less than what the cab company i called asked for! “let’s go” i say. You should know that unless otherwise, i will always sit back left in any car. ESP a cab! It was a quiet ride home. I stared out the window thinking “this is the last time this will ever happen”. It most certainly won’t. it was 2am. Check on little dog, she seems alright. She would sleep in the same room with me just in case anything happens. And i slept…

  Easter Sunday saw me in the house with family. I relaxed the whole day, just listening to music and watching random things…like some DC movies such as justice league (i love super heroes LOL). i finally slept like at 1am…

  ..to wake up on Easter Monday to monkeys on my roof with barking dogs. This day would see me go visit “playmate”. It’s not the artist, it’s the big meaty person from a while back! I KNOW!!! I tapped two people this long weekend! It’s some sorta record. i’ve never done this before. I blame the fact the “i don’t know what i want” phase i seem to be going through right now. Plus i downed enough Gilbeys at his place so i’m quite smashed at the mo as i right this…

  Ummm yeah i know i’ve been abit loose this past weekend but sometimes you need to go out there and have fun! Plus it shows i’ve got game LOL! I’ve been advised to have (responsible) fun as i think about what i really want not only with men but in life generally.

  Que cera cera, that’s the way life is…

  |So raise your glass if you’re wrong in all the right ways----->Raise your glass-P!nk|

• why why why!

  Posted: April 18, 2011, 10:25 pm by cuppatea

  Today i had the pleasure of meeting a handsome nice guy in uni, we were talking about how the uni has ISO issues because we were both tryna rectify something with our exams. He was behind me in the queue and he was quite impatient and kept talking to himself! “They’re quite slow yes..” i said. And that’s how conversation hit off…

  He’s quite macho! He’s stocky, a little taller than me, ALSO a rugby player and talks alot! I know right??? yaey me! Seeing as it was home time, and we were both using the same route, we decided to walk. We talked about lots! And he has these nice eyes and he’s smart! It’s his 2nd degree he’s doing. We have lots in common.

  Except he’s straight!!!

  He mentioned “his chick” a few times. Plus i could tell. But daaaaaayum what a guy! there’s a song that goes “what a man what a man what a man whatta mighty gooood maaaaan”. how i dislike such things happening to me, it’s not the first time. sigh…

  Cuppatea 0---Heterosexuals 1

  DAMN!

  What the hell!

• caffeinated rugby

  Posted: April 18, 2011, 2:35 am by cuppatea

  It’s so nice to see a developing country like us give help where we can. I was at a Benefit at the village market mall Saturday, raising funds for Japan’s earthquake/tsunami victims. It was…very boring. No one my age around. I too, would like to fork out a couple of thousands for…oh shit was that a lampshade? Damn! Oh shit there goes the coffee table whoooooops! Really i’d just rather sign a cheque for a certain amount than pay 300% more for something i’d get reasonably priced elsewhere..

  Instead of alcohol this weekend, i had coffee during the rugby finals. SHOCKING INNIT? One beer was enough i felt. I felt very “35 year old”. Minus a range rover. Coming soon. The last match was quite thrilling… shame about the crowd though, most just came to “be seen” at such an event. They knew nothing about rugby or the teams. Shame.

  I realize there’s a lack of proactive men in this society. Oh shit, i’m talking about guys again. Whoops! my bad. Anyway, i get bored of being the one to always initiate something. Get serious men, if you want to date me why not start suggesting things instead of going round in many circles like an aircraft on hold? I think i’m at fault here, i’m quite direct. Speech and all. One of my friends’ friends at the rugby match said “i was making it hard to talk to”. I’m sorry but when you know nothing about rugby and you’re freaking me out with all your weirdness asking shit like “what was your name again?”---in the most action centred part of a rugby match, duuuuh, who wouldn’t be hard to talk to? I think they were relieved when i told them they could leave early if they wanted to. Apparently art cafe is a cooler place to be than an action packed rugby pitch. To them that is.

  The art of doing nothing. Trust the Italians to say such about lazying around. Though it does feel good after a frantic week of reading and exams. More exams this week though. But there’s the vagina monologues to look forward to! Oh yes, my family (who’re on my fakebook account) saw my rsvp and they were like “WHAT”. Come ooooon… it’s not damaging…

  Now, how to convince machismo gay men that the vagina monologues isn’t scary…wish me luck. All hail the power of the Vagina!

  |Feeling show-Colbie Caillat|

• He who lives in a glass house…

  Posted: April 15, 2011, 12:31 am by cuppatea

  Remember the guy in this post? the really nasty one who was disrespectful?

  He got beaten down!!! (can’t help my glee in my voice) He had it coming. You see, he went to my friends house and decided, in front of my friend’s boyfriend, and best friend, to insult him AND his house! My friend had enough of his rubbish and beat him down! in fact that awful person had gate crashed his house for lord knows what. The point is, you DO NOT walk into someone’s home and insult their home and the host themselves!!! IT IS WRONG! As in there the line was drawn, i totally support my friend in beating down this other bloke. Because you don’t go to people’s houses and insult the host and the house, that’s just wrong.

  He clearly has no ideology on the term RESPECT. Because you can’t treat everyone like they’re below you and like shit. For sure Karma will catch up with you. Like it did with this fellow. As in insulting the host is like insulting Goliath, the host is tall and well muscular! What the fuck was he thinking by insulting that household?? FOOL!

  You should really respect other people’s homes, especially when they’re hosting you and guests are involved.

  Like they say, “He who lives in a glass house shouldn’t cast stones at another”, i doubt this guy will show his face in society for a while… SHAME ON HIM!

  I feel nothing, i was actually pleased when i learned of this news, it’s time shady people were put in their place and learned something…

• KAZAKY - LOVE

  Posted: April 11, 2011, 12:38 am by cuppatea

  
  Someone said, "hey let's all dance in stilettos and show our chiseled bodies whilst dancing with moves that puts Ciara to shame!" This video = wow.

• More past weekend activities

  Posted: April 11, 2011, 2:16 am by cuppatea

  This weekend, cuppatea:

  Waited for traffic to go away

  Which resulted in me sitting at a funny pub where a man grabbed a lady’s hair and bar stools fell and bouncers came. All on the next table. My friends and i were like “Oh. drama started early today in members night.” Yes, yes it did. And everything returned to normal! The lady laughed like nothing happened with her girlfriends. Minus a man. Classy.

  Went to watch Rugby

  With Some friends! It was quite fun! Seeing all these big muscular men in their tight shorts running up and down a field, pulling themselves down and making manly noises. The bankers swept the floor with my club! Ouch. Good game played nevertheless! Impala please improve your defence and coordination. They eye candy was just incredible! I’m definitely going for more rugby matches!

  Gate crashed a wedding party

  I swear this was my friends fault! He got called to “pass by for a few minutes to say hi”. This was at 11pm. We get there, and before you know it, it’s 2am, you’re mildly tipsy because some bloke insisted that you down tequila before you get your actual drink! So much for not drinking this weekend. After i told chubaka i’d be home by 11pm. OBVIOUSLY that wasn’t going to happen. The bride was very nice though! It was good.

  Got bored at a club

  I swear the music just didn’t cut it for me. Gypsy please. We like trance that we can dance to, not electro that leaves us saying “really”. Naturally there were “members” everywhere. Still, we danced, we laughed, we smoked shisha. And had a pleasant chat with the bouncer, who seemed to think i was a tourist. Again. See you next year.

  Slept for 3 hours

  Because getting home at 4am just wasn’t part of the plan lol! I was up at 7am, my dear nephew, commuting monkeys and a barking dog were enough to behave as an alarm clock. for real. Once i wake up in daylight i just can’t sleep. And then i’m so nice, you see how i’m writing for you lot now because i won’t have time in the week because of semester finals so i decided to right it now because it’s the only free time i got amidst all my sleep?

  Got torn in chat

  Four men, all whom i like/liked decided that today they’re pouring their innermost feelings to me. on fakebook chat. Which has just left me confused. They tell me all this things that make me scratch my head, why didn’t they tell me before? Why did they wait? Why on a Sunday night? I don’t know what i want anymore in guys. And big guy from last week, yes he’s not going to be pursued. He’s made it clear. In the very nicest way. When you think you’ve patched things up with friends and you don’t make contact with them and when you do on chat, it becomes a whole other conversation of you not being the responsive one? what is that? Until i just told them i’m not the best person to be talking to.That’s the best answer i had. Because all these conversations were happening at the same time. I know i’ll be fine, i’ve been through alot worse. If i said “no more guys” you lot would scoff, and i know i’d be lying to myself. I’ll just say “no more guys---this month”.

   

  That was my weekend. Semester finals from this week in one place, mock exams and cats (its that notorious institution) in another. And then there’s rugby finals soon! That definitely looks like fun. For now, i wanna get lost in my duvets. And dream funny things that’’ll make me giggle in my sleep! It would be nice if it rained. With the dramedies of thunder and lightening and blackouts. Because i miss all that.

  |something so right-Annie Lennox|

• What religion? Me vs Society

  Posted: April 8, 2011, 3:52 pm by cuppatea

  I’ve had “one of those weeks” that leave you exhausted and feeling abit under the weather.

  Sometime this week, i agreed to let a classmate take me for lunch. Rice and Beans. It’s a very yummy meal! And he’s like totally good looking! I knew he had motives because he’s overly friendly, speaks to me in pure French (which surprises me) and winks. To any gay man you’d think it was mild flirtations. So we went and had lunch. And then he asks, “what religion are you?”. Naturally i say “Agnostic, though i know there’s God.”

  What a mistake.

  I think he’s ex seminarian! Because i was fed religion down my throat, from terms like “you’re sitting on the fence and about to fall unto the devil” to “the sweet path of the devil is wide but when you take a corner he’ll knock you out” etcetera. He insisted that i must join a Church because i can’t love God and not go to church. “you must go to church to learn the ways of God, order, rules etc”. he said.

  I don’t go to church because i feel the messages they preach are conflicting/political/sometimes full of bull. And other reasons. I pray and believe in God, surely isn’t that enough? Did i mention how he hated on gays? i really tried to tell him that it’s a natural, people are born gay but don’t realize until later because of aspects they’ve grown around and societal factors until a situation kicks reality in them. Oh how he spoke…I went to class feeling lowly. I wouldn’t show it outside, was smiling telling him “it was a good lunch and i’d consider what he said.” I was just so depressed it’s a wonder i couldn’t calculate properly in class. I know i shouldn’t feel that way, but that lunch was a cruel reminder that not everyone is happy with different people.

  It got worse in another class yesterday.

  We ended up talking about courtship. How men and women date and how it’s a must that guys find women and vice versa. I kept being given looks by the ladies in class, they’d look at me and giggle. You see, i behave the same in all scenes. They know i’m gay. They won’t tell me that they know but i know they do.So they were wondering how i can court. date. whatever really. “how can western countries advocate for same sex marriages and they want us to get rid of polygamy?” my lecturer said. “same sex marriage is inhuman!” he went on to say.

  There would be no point in raising my hand trying to explain abcd about same sex marriages. He is a staunch Catholic. I left that class feeling utterly defeated.

  I can never “wish” to be heterosexual, but i swear there’s days where you just feel so singled out you actually feel like you’re alone in society. I won’t lie, even in a society that has many gay people you actually end up feeling that way.

  No matter how many times you ask me what religion i am, i will always tell you “agnostic”. Why?

  Because i believe organized religion is an opium for society. I don’t need to go and sit down in a church to be told how to live my life and what societal norms to abide to, nor do i need to sit down and here biased political views and over commercialization of projects that require ludicrous amounts of tithe, NOR will i sit down and be discriminated against based on my behaviour!!! I know churches like Mavuno (esp with this blog post) are welcoming gays into their fold, but i still feel strongly otherwise on many aspects. With Catholicism, the mere fact that i can’t ask “why” seriously bothers me. “you’re not supposed to question”.

  Call me lunatic/clouded/misjudged/non-conforming/whatever but this is where i stand on religion. It doesn’t matter what religion you are, as long as we all pray to one universal God. Even if you don’t have a religion.

  I could go on and on and on about this issue but i’ll just leave it there.

• The worst pick up line yet

  Posted: April 6, 2011, 7:01 pm by cuppatea

  "i like your dental formula."
  
  
  that was random dudes pick up line on fakebook chat the other day. He was refering to my smile. The first time you speak to me and that's what you come up with? I'm not being mean, but REALLY?!
  
  Please excuse me while i go laugh some more. LMFAO!!!

• Points noted from a manic weekend

  Posted: April 5, 2011, 3:12 am by cuppatea

  I can write today, i’m less fatigued! I just had a wonderful hot bath and the air outside’s cool. Cold nights like these i like… I had quite a manic weekend! If life had a rewind button i’d happily go back in time! But time waits for no one, we must progress. I realized a few things between Friday evening and Monday night, tonight:

  • Concerts are fun when you’re at the front most row. Just a Band.ke were that good! Infact so good were their remixes, a cd is being made! Timing it.
  • Cocktails are the devils in disguise! I’m responsible for a whole vodka gone down. Really, robinsons juice is SO GOOD!
  • Herbs don’t help either.
  • When blacking out at a friends house, insist on a bed. Make sure you remove shoes!
  • that was not my bed i woke up in.
  • Suicidal cocktails and herbs will keep you smashed for a while, even when you wake up the next day. 2 litres of coffee had to sober me up.
  • Uniboy m could join the Russian ballet. When intoxicated he can sing and jump around as elegantly as those performing swan lake. For real. Me? i laugh my arse off!
  • I’m very easily drawn to big muscular men. Or men with nice bodies. Or just men who’re nice really.
  • My theory on going to a guys home on some sort of date then you find yourselves in compromising positions is very VERY true. No really.
  • I did quite like being lost in his embrace though. And my boxers weren’t thrown too far away this time! Shy people are usually very sneaky and good in bed.
  • oh no, i have feelings. For someone who probably doesn’t feel the same way! This is why friends with benefits never works for me, i hate not knowing what direction i’m going.I don’t wanna turn into the clingy person!
  • Shakira’s antes de las seis song is so true. so true. I made the mistake of translating it. Played it like 19 times so far.
  • I am a complicated soul. That i admit.

  Among other things.

  Antes de las seis-Shakira

• Ending March: Men

  Posted: April 1, 2011, 3:44 am by cuppatea

  I talked to my ex boyfriend. He hurt me again. Clearly, there’s nothing there anymore! No worries, i was hurt for the best part of 2 minutes. Life continued after, with a joke on ghetto animals. Watch out for the baboons at the Nairobi National park!

  I met an old fling (flung? past tense.) I still like him. Society on the other hand, doesn’t. He is enemies with a number of good friends. That means, i cannot date him. or see him. It’s apparently taboo.

  There’s someone i’m interested in, and i think we have chemistry. He just wants to be friends with benefits. I’m looking to settle. Its like oil and water. Sigh…

  Scary, cold, complicates, arrogant, snobbish. Those words have been used in reference to me. keep them coming, i don’t mind. Not that i mean to be those words but if those are impressions people are getting…

  See you next year, March.

  |only the young-Brandon Flowers|

• My 3am matatu ride home

  Posted: March 27, 2011, 12:34 am by cuppatea

  “kwani ujawai ona matiti? *mssssschheeeeeewwwwww*”  (you’ve never seen breasts?)

  Yes this is how my journey home last night from the city at 3am begun! I was abit high and i was waiting on the matatu to get full. The opening statement came from a Tanzanian lady who was so scandalously dressed, and she was HIGH, she had 90% of her cleavage popping out, i could even see abit of the nipple. The Conductor/kange of the matatu was so fixated on them… shaking his head “ghai ghai ghai….(God x3) ” he’d mutter to himself.

  Next was a drunk couple. with a bottle of Smirnoff blue label. And their drunk selves. “nataka kumanga vibad!!!”  (i want to eat you so bad) said the drunk woman to her boyfriend. “woi baby baby, tutafika nyumbani saa hii tu halafu tutacheza” (woi baby, we’ll reach home just now then we’ll play) said the drunk boyfriend. And he was good looking mind you! I was smiling to myself clasping my del monte juice in hand. Was tryna sober up… because i wanted to pull off a silent entry into the house. Not successful LOL!

  “beba warembo!” (carry the gorgeous ones) the noisy drunk students were shouting. Really, i was in fits of laughter already! “twende Nyumbani na kinde!” (let’s go home with 10bob) one yelled. 10 shillings would have sufficed for us broke students! We still paid 50 shillings though.

  Finally at 3.30am the matatu was full, and we left town for home. “eh, makanga, unaangalia nini? we wacha kutangaza matiti zangu! Mbwa!” (conductor what are you looking at, stop watching my breasts! dog!) the Tanzanian lady said in her sonorous singing Swahili dialect. “ni ku-appreciate tu au siyo buda? (i’m just appreciating them, right brother?) he said talking in my direction. i burst out laughing uncontrollably!  “mscheeeeeewww” from the Tanzanian lady.

  Now a passenger, a guy, and the conductor got into an argument that stopped the vehicle. The passenger said the conductor robbed him. impossible, the conductor was a row behind him with no access to the seat the guy was on. The passenger got really mad and got out. So did the conductor. And pap, a fight broke out! The driver got out to stop them. Several minutes of threats and loud conversation, we continued our journey….

  …To the police station! It’s bloody 4am, i’m sleepy, but no, the driver decides to go to the 5oh to sort the drunk passenger and conductor out! They get out. Make a statement. Loud conversation. The cop comes. “Shida ni nini abiria?” (what’s the problem here passengers?)” he asked. Oh by the way, he was mean looking and plump! oh lord. In my head i was thinking of who to call incase things got a bit nasty and we were all locked up. Yes the cops can take one matter and transform it into everyone being drunk and disorderly (the whole matatu was high—passengers mainly). Luckily, one passenger sober enough thank heavens, told him it was a tussle between the conductor and the passenger. “Mssscheeeeeewwww afande wacha tuende tulale” (officer let us go home and sleep) said the drunk woman behind me. “si shida zetu” (it’s not our problem) she said. A few more rumbles from the passengers. i was quiet. “sawa bas.” (alright then). The driver came back, closed the door and off we went. Drunk passenger and conductor were left at the cop station.

  I finally got out at my stop. The Askari (watchman) opened the gate. In my intoxicated state i narrated my ride home. and gave him 20bob for tea in the morning. He’s a cool guy, he lets me in without questioning whoever’s driving in. really, 4.30am is the time he knows i check in LOL! Trying to open the gate quietly.. yeah that didn’t work.

  At least i found my bed without effortlessly this time…

  p.s commend me now for writing in Swahili! I think my spellings are correct lol!

  |first train home-Imogen Heap|

• Deux Conversations

  Posted: March 24, 2011, 3:01 am by cuppatea

  Me: “I can’t sleep”.

  Him: “why? talk to me.”

  Me: “ever since you sent that text my mind has been occupied with thoughts of you, i don’t know why…i just feel so…”

  Him: “woah! go easy on a guy lol!" I won’t lie, i miss you too. i treasure you deeply. Looks like we’ll need to meet up.”

  Me: “indeed… Meanwhile, back to my problem, i can’t sleep LOL!”

  Him: “i don’t mean to sound perverse, but wank. it helps. guys sleep nicely after “

  Me: OMG tigawana! stop being silly. Only if you’re the one doing it to me

  Him: “hahaha, why not. I still look at your pictures everyday btw…"

  Me: “for real? i think talking to you was all i needed… i can sleep now…

  Him: “Okay, you sleep nicely handsome. I miss you. xoxo

  Me: sleep well mister! hugs

   

  Who was i talking to? And then, this other conversation happened in uni when i was chatting with some mates. FOR REAL!

  Him: “so how’ve you been?”

  Me: “For the 4th time, i’m well! you’ve asked that four times, do i make you nervous or something?”

  Him: “oh you know it’s been a while since last we met, years actually..” *scratches head nervously.* “yes you do.”

  Me: “well, you don’t need to, i’m actually nice. I Think.

  Friend B: “Christ ask him out on a date already!”

  Me: “WOOT!”

  Him: “would you like to go on a date with me?”

  Me: “omg you just can’t do that friend B it’s so random *splutters words etc* it’s just OMG!

  Him: “i’m serious, we go on a date?”

  Me: “aaaaaaiiiii i, i, i, i but it’s so omg, wait i, friend B really?”

  Friend B: “He says yes.”

  Me: “Alright fine, yes.”

  Him: “Seriously? you’re serious?” *smiles sheepishly*

  Me: “yes. Really!”

  Him: “but you used to be so stone cold”.

  Me: “um, yeah i grew up “

  Him: “wow. Okay what’s your number?”

   

  Speechless much? Just like me.

  |hold it against me-Britney Spears|

• Rainy conversation: ''don't do that''.

  Posted: March 20, 2011, 9:21 pm by cuppatea

  It's raining. Praise be! My ISP's down! Damn.
  
  I have a gay friend who tells me nearly all the time ''don't do that''. What is it i shouldn't do? According to him, i shouldn't sit how i normally sit because "it's ''gay'' and it'll out everyone.''. I shouldn't speak the way i do, because ''it's gay and it'll out me or my company''. I shouldn't use my hands gestures when speaking because ''its so girly, it's gay and it'll out you''.
  
  At this rate I'm even afraid to breathe! What, even how i breathe is gay and will out me?
  
  He's always tryna change who i am. ''to fit in, not everyone likes how you behave''. He said. And he's always imposing and insisting on issues. Just yesterday he insisted i was tired. When i wasn't.
  
  What does one do with such a person?
  
  Character and personality make up an individual. Sure i tend to speak in jargon when it comes to certain topics, i analyze people, i zone out when in conversation with people, i speak to myself, i don't follow fashion, i construct sentences oddly... fine i get it, i'm abit weird compared to the usual individual...
  
  ...But that's no reason to try and "adjust" me. If you can't tolerate me then don't. Go find that perfect gay company that behaves how you want them to.
  
  I'm comfortable being who i am thanks...

• St Patrick’s day 2011 (HD)

  Posted: March 18, 2011, 2:03 am by cuppatea

  Trust the Irish to have come up with such a holiday during Lent! St. Patrick was the most recognized saint in Ireland. Today’s his death anniversary. Normally, people go to church, then fest in the afternoon on bacon and cabbage (according to Irish tradition) with wine and malt, and lots of dance!

  I even dressed appropriately in green and black…

  But for me, today was an interesting day. I saw life in HD! “High Definition!” I swear i’ll stop when uni’s over. How a high lasts a few hours i’ve no idea. But with regard to the Irish, friends and i kept tradition on! We made merry, by hanging out trying out chocolate flavoured things (this is why i saw life in HD) feasting (that chicken burger! the cappuccino after was amazing) and being happy in general—spreading Irish luck and cheer! I even rode the train today. In the rain. Train in the rain! Fun!

  The high wore off in evening class. It’s like a sugar high for me, i’ve got so much energy then after i burn out and feel tired!

  Anyhoo, cheers to St. Paddy, i hope you all made merry! Lord knows i did…

  P.s, On the way to intoxication with the 3 girlfriends, this guy was looking at me like i was the luckiest bastard in the world, going into a room with 3 women. If he only knew i was gay LOL! even if you put 5 naked women in a room i’ll feel nothing… #imjustsaying

  |Liquor Store Blues-Bruno Mars ft. Damian Marley|

• Friendship Saturday

  Posted: March 13, 2011, 8:07 pm by cuppatea

  Good company and lots of ice-cream’s a brill way of lightening up a somewhat bleh week! Okay and abit of booze hihi…

  I met up with emo, he looks the same. He’s one of the few souls who goes abroad and don’t come back with their culture and impose it on everyone else… It’s so good to have him around! We had lunch with him at java (omg their chicken salad is SO GOOD) and then we ran into one of my most fashionable friends! He’s a model. And he causes havoc on the streets with his dressing. Just the other day he nearly made a driver of a bmw almost drive into the rear of a matatu, because the driver was staring too much at us. He was rocking super clingy skinnies. Okay and he’s very good looking! And just yesterday, girls of a certain high school, of which i shan’t say (STATE HOUSE GIRLS) were cat calling, very loudly on Kenyatta avenue in their trashy old school bus, “fags on the street, fags on the street!” Bitches. We ignored them lol! He showed me this shop that has everything from (very genuine) prada, gucci, zara, diesel etc (but those prices!) where he gets his wear from. I have never been victimized by fashion like that in my life! If i had income, that is to say, if i weren’t a house-hold net borrower, i would own that shop! Such fabulous things inside…

  Another friend of mine bought me blueberry ice-cream whilst we were waiting on A to come. We were just going to chill at his place and catch up. There was a football match where Manchester united swept the floor with Arsenal! Good comeback.. I have discovered that Gin and Robinsons goes fabulously well! It is very easy to finish a 750 of Gilbeys with that juice!

  It rained a little last night, i think the rains are finally on their way. Speaking of Nature, you know how unreal it was seeing the Tsunami in Japan happening live on telly? It was such terrifying scene! Nature is unbelievably powerful…

  Maybe this coming week will be a better one.

  |I surrender-Clare Maguire|

• week of lament. Or just hell really.

  Posted: March 11, 2011, 2:23 pm by cuppatea

  Plastic university friends, sulkings, interventions, homecomings, gate crashings, skivings… it’s been a strangely weird week.

  I’m starting to hate uni like the way i hated high school. Not because of the education, but because of the people! I have beef with 3 people, 2 gay guys and a girl. The girl told me “don’t be that person”. She also called me a hypocrite. Because i’m not as girly/sassy as the other 2 gays. So that gives you reason to be quite nasty innit? All this coming, the day my bag straps cut and my shoes decided to laugh. by laugh i mean split a (big) seam. I’ve had such an angry week, it’s not good for my heart.

  So Monday, It would have been better if i didn’t remember that it would have marked a year had that arse and i lasted that long. I had to read my older posts to remind myself that things weren’t good. No trust, lies and other things. Hey i’m human too, much as i look ahead, i have to look back, to remind myself not to make such a mistake again. I didn’t tell him anything though. I’m not like other ex boyfriends that remind you there was something. I just…continue. He probably forgot anyways.

  Interventions in the name of M. He knows small p and i don’t talk. Guy defended small p. Naturally my arguments didn’t seem that reasonable to him. Lawyers. Naturally he said he did but i could see otherwise. Fine, i’ve put everything behind me. When you two read this i’ll be as calm as a deep water lake in summer. Forgive and forget, that’s how the system works innit?

  Emo is home! for a while. Fun times ahead.

  I might have skived class yesterday evening to go have coffee with Mr. man and my school friend (who seems to becoming a good friend). I told my friend Mr.man likes him. My friend seems to think he and i can work again. I’ve never heard of exes working things out and reuniting in this society! Someone prove me wrong.

  There’s another concert this month that i’ve rsvp’d for! Perhaps i should find a date?

  The best song that describes me at this point is “feeling’s gone” By Basement Jaxx.

  My life continues…

• A post!

  Posted: March 6, 2011, 1:19 am by cuppatea

  Less is more!

  • sigh, i was (i think i still am) stoned on Dutch cookies! It has been a challenge not to behave like a dumbass! or say stupid things. tihihi?
  • Helping friends move house! I’m all alone in my area now, i’ll have to be sleeping at my friends places, they live a distance (a big one) away from me.
  • School this week should be easy paced, so tired of frantic weeks!
  • do you know how hard its been typing this post? sleep’s coming in waves! clap for me yaey!

  |that song by Dido|

Blah blah blah

Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes