Items by cdohnio

cdohnio.blogspot.com

• I have Commitment Phobia

  Posted: July 5, 2011, 5:32 pm by cdohnio

  I've recently come to the conclusion that I'm commitment-phobic. I couldn't believe it, it's something that has been having a subtle effect on all my relationships. I'm calling it subtle because I didn't notice it but I'm thinking someone else may have.
  
  I've always complained of how I don't have a girlfriend and to realise that I've been sub-conscientiously sabotaging my own chances makes me laugh. Anyway so I did some research into it (Google/Wikipedia of course). The description I've written below is interspersed with commentary from me with how what I've written best describes me and how I've seen it in my life. These comments will be in brackets so don't skip to the end hoping to see what I'm thinking.
  
  First before I tell you what I found let me first do a little attribution to me sources. Since I'm blogging from email I'm putting the full page urls. Fear of Commitment on Wikipedia. Commitment Phobia on www.anxietymatters.com. I used these two pages because anymore would be too many for me to read, also the where the top pages when I googled "Commitment Phobia".
  
  A phobia is similar to a fear in that the mind perceives there to be a threat. The difference is, that in a phobia, the level of anxiety felt is disproportionate to the actual threat. So commitment phobia is a mechanism put in place by the brain to protect us from something that -for some reason-, it has misjudged the threat of.
  The term commitment phobia was coined in the popular self-help book Men Who Can't Love in 1987. While popular media has made it seem that it only affects romantic relations it can affect any part of someone's life that requires a long time obligation such as work and school. Since on this blog post I meant commitment phobia on a romantic level that's what I'm going to concentrate on.
  
  Commitment phobic people claim that they are eager to find a lasting romantic attachment, yet they fail to find appropriate partners and maintain long lasting connections.(Defines me perfectly) Ironically, in these romantic relationships, the commitment phobic partner craves what he/she fears most: love and connection. This paradoxical craving for a frightening reality leads to a confusing and destructive pattern of seduction and rejection. The results are emotionally devastating. (I can't say I'm emotionally devastated but I can imagine the other parties in my potential relationships may have been)
  
  It should be said that there are as many possible causes of commitment phobia as there are people suffering from it. That's because each of us have different experiences as we grow so no two people can ever be the same. However there are some things that appear common in most cases. People with commitment phobia in adulthood, have often experienced one or more of the following experiences in their earlier years.
  -A significant loss or bereavement
  -A childhood trauma
  -Parental separation (This may be the major cause for me. My parents have been divorced for the last 6 years or so, which is, coincidentally the last time I can say I was in a relationship)
  -Unpleasant step-parents
  -Poor role models (I don't look at my dad, as the man in my life, as a good role model for personal relationships)
  -Abuse of one form or another during the formative, childhood years.
  
  The symptoms of commitment phobia are wide and varied, and are only really limited by the imagination of the commitment phobic person themselves. Commitment phobia symptoms often appear as a sudden feeling of uncertainty, and sometimes the feeling of being trapped in the relationship. Such feelings are rooted in fear—fear of lost options or fear of making poor decisions. The commitment phobic mind sees decisions as permanent, opening the possibility of being caged or trapped.
  
  Many commitment phobic people become fantasy-driven, using their active imaginations to fill in for the lack of emotional security and closeness in their lives. These fantasies pose additional problems because no potential partner can ever live up to the fantasy. Commitment phobic people are also prone to self-destructive behavior, such as walking out on partners. (Yeah this is so very true, in my experience, you build such a perfect fantasy of what you're looking for that no one can ever live up to that vision. More than that is that you suddenly get scared that if you get into a relationship this mythical perfection you've come up with will appear-or at the very least, someone better than who you're with- and you can't get out of the relationship you're in.)
  
  One potentially misleading aspect of commitment phobic behavior is that the partner who is actively running away from commitment is the only one with a problem. In fact, commitment phobic behavior includes "settling" for inappropriate partners, pursuing unattainable partners, and engaging in instant relationships as well as fleeing from what might have appeared to be a stable romance. Any persistent behavior that actively prevents a person from making a commitment or allows a person to make excuses for not having made a commitment can be considered commitment phobic.
  
  So there you have it as a definitive a description to can get on commitment phobia anywhere. I'm currently trying to get over my phobia one small step at a time. Any tips you may have on how you've dealt with your fears or you just want to share your experience be sure drop a line in the comments.(Or email me) I'd be most appreciative! Peace!!!

• Dealing with platonic relationships with the opposite sex

  Posted: July 5, 2011, 2:14 am by cdohnio

  This post is inspired by some tweets I saw in my timeline by shee_wanjiku. She was complain that one of her friends, a dude, didn't understand that she just wanted a platonic relationship and not anything else. She was saying that dudes need to realize that just because a chic is nice to them it doesn't mean she wants to jump your bones. There's also I heard somewhere on TV "There's no way a dude and a chic can be just friends" a dude told his date. I thought I talk about these things but in relation with what I've experienced myself.
  I've said severally here that I'm someone who really enjoys the company of girls infact I can as far as saying that I have more girl than boy friends. I'm not entirely sure why that is. I'm by far more selective of my guy friends. I think it's an ego thing I get from the company of girls.
  
  So in all my interactions I've become aware of one thing. If I hang out with a girl for long enough I'll eventually, at some time, develop feels for the girl. I only came to this realization recently and I've been blown away by it. It explains a lot that I didn't previously understand. I doubt if girls feel the same though but I can't be sure.
  With this realization has come insight into my platonic relationships with my girl friends. If I don't want to develop feelings for these girl I shouldn't hang out with the for prolonged periods of time. But that can't work because despite what feelings beyond friendship I feel for these girls I genuinely enjoy spending time with these girls. So what's to done.
  
  Suppression. I mean I need to become aware of these feelings before they lead me to do something stupid, like making a move that will ruin a friendship with extreme awkwardness and embarrassment. Realising these feelings I should make an active effort not to let these feelings, and their attendant thoughts, overwhelm my conscience. This seems like the best course of action, of course I'm welcome to suggestions so sound off in the comments.
  
  This doesn't mean that you shouldn't make advances on your girl friends I'm just giving what to me seems a viable way to avoid ruining your friendships with girls. I'll leave you with some advice that a good girl friend of mine gave my while in school "If you think you may wanna hit that you'd better persue that, making your intentions clear from the begin than starting out pretending to be friends then trying to get into a relationship"Peace!!

• Why I read so much...

  Posted: June 30, 2011, 3:38 am by cdohnio

  ...and how I came to be short-sighted.

  why am I talking about these things in the same post? Well It's because one is related to the other. I bet you're wondering how.

  When I was younger, much younger than I am now, I'm guessing when I was about 12 and a half, the TV in out house broke. My baby sis, whom I love very much, while in the stage where babies are beginning to walk using other objects as support, was leaning against the TV and pushed it over.

  I wasn't there when it happened but that single event had a massive effect onn my life. At the time my parents didn't have enough money to replace the TV (It was a very cash strapped time in all our lifes) so we stayed without one for over a year.

  Since we didn't have a TV, it fell upon me to find other ways to entertain myself when I got back from school. I spent a lot of time trolling the school library for Hardy Boy books. I read the entire series-the original one-and even some of the new ones.

  What has all this got to do with why I now wear glasses now? Well when I finally got into reading Hardy Boys, a couple of friends and I used to compete on who would read the most books. This lead me to do a book a night! It's probably also the reason I can read I read much faster than most people.

  However in the beginning I would still have a chapter or two to go when my bed time would came. So I'd leave the door to my room open so that I could use the light from the corridor to read my books.

  Unfortunately this light wasn't very bright so it caused me to squint when reading and so I slowly spoilt my eyes this way. After more than 6 months reading like this I couldn't see the classroom board even if I sat in the front.

  I don't regret that my eyesight deterioated becausse of books. The pleasure I derived from the books I read and the knowledge I continued and continue to get from them continues to feed my soul. Sounds like non-sense I know but books are the one thing I can always turn to to take my mind of things. to emmerse myself in someone else's thoughts and escape reality for a little bit. Peace!!!

• Tobiko's dilemma

  Posted: June 28, 2011, 2:52 am by cdohnio

  So I was just watching news at 9 on NTV, first time in maybe in 2 months or so. I feel that watching it is pointless as most of it is political bullshit and the rest depressing. But today two things caught me First the murder of post graduate student, Mercy Keino, who died in rather mysterious circumstances over the weekend. Was actually going to do a post on it until a second story came along.
  
  

  Keriako Tobiko

  Our newly appointed Director of Public Prosecution, Keriako Tobiko, was saying how he needs more money to hire more lawyers to help reduce the backlog of cases that he's newly created office has to deal with. First of let me state that I don't trust him, all those accusations made when he was first nominated, he looks shifty and that accent!! Eww!!
  
  Anyway I was wondering why he couldn't just turn to the the private lawyers in this country to do some of the work pro-bono at least until the case load gets under control. I mean anything to get the case load under control right. . I don't know if the law allows it though but it seems to me a great idea. What do y'all think? Let me know in the comments. Peace.

• Random update

  Posted: June 27, 2011, 3:38 am by cdohnio

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  It's been so long since I've updated this blog, I don't know what's wrong with me. The psych to do anything has been at nil recently. I can't seen to find the psych to do much other than look at what other people are doing. I check into twitter only to watch the tweet stream not to contribute.
  I went for Bake happy hour quite sometime back and was inspired to statrt blogging by seeing all those bloggers gather. I didn't really keep that promise to myself did I? Perhaps I should make a resolution to start doing so. You can read all about Bake here on Savvy's blog.
  I should warn you all before I leave, if I'm going to be updating this blog more often I'll be writing about pretty mundane stuff. Of course I’ll be try make stuff as interesting so you don’t pass out reading what I have to say.Also I'm think that if I'll going to be blogging as regularly as I plan to I can't be putting images in every post.
  I know how images are there to hold the reader but since I'll be too lazy to go to a cyber I'll be working from my phone most times and it's functionality is rather limited. I'm looking forward to bring back more regular updates to this blog if only for deadly_halo who seems to have missed me!;)

• Experiencing someone else

  Posted: May 23, 2011, 10:19 am by cdohnio

  For the second time in as many weekends I found myself in the boot of the car because the ride was already too full in the front. Well the cars were hunchback so it was actually quite comfortable.
  This actually besides the point but on the second trip, lying on my back looking at the ssky, admiring the car and skyscrapers rushing by I began to comtemplate something that I've thought about on and off for a little bit: I've always wanted to experience someone else's thoughts.
  
  There are times when I'm in certain situations, like when talking to a girl or even just sitting watching telavision, when I wonder how someone esle thought process would be under the same situations. Other times when I wonder if my thought process is actually normal.
  
  While this mostly happens when I'm in one of my more depressed moods, it also happen when I have a particular nasty, and funny, thought. I mean have you ever wonder whether 'normal' people really think like you? Chime out in the comments. Peace!!!

• It's time for a holiday

  Posted: April 26, 2011, 10:22 am by cdohnio

  Hey y'all. I know it's been a while since I've posted but I've been busy with exams which, between you and me, I think I've aced but don't remind me of this when the results come out next semester saying different. So now it's the end of the academic year as a fresher and I can tell you for someone just finishing their first year I've done it all.
  
  This year, I've helped a friend I had sex with have an abortion, made new friends drinking and got my laptop stolen from me. As the semester's come to an end I've found myself falling for one of my friends and I must say things are looking rather promising from me...and her.*knocks on wood*
  
  Lately have been in a splendid mood that I'm hoping will continue through out my holiday. So what are my plans for my holiday you ask? For most of the first month I'm hoping to be going to driving school so I can finally get a driving licence. It's been so annoying that all of my older cousins can drive and I couldn't. Also for the first month I want to spend as much time as possible partying and getting wasted weekends. After this month of generally doing nothing I'm hoping to find some internship job, preferably tech-related and paying(I need a pair new shoes, or 5).
  
  Finally I'll be going back to Nairobi, so expect to see a lot of me at all the tech events and tweet-ups. In fact if your organising anything let me know. You know where to find me on twitter and my e-mail address is easily found. I hope to meet some of my readers too. Laters y'all!! Peace!!

• What women want

  Posted: April 6, 2011, 6:07 pm by cdohnio

  “Sidney, why do you think a girl would fall bad boys?” she asked me as I escorted her back to her room at midnight. I won’t go immediately into what I told her or how that conversation went but I feel that question is the perfect way to begin this topic. It’ll make sense in a minute.
  I was having an argument with one of my friends a couple of weeks back that started with her complaining of her ex-boyfriend. She was complaining of how he forgot her birthday. Apparently on her birthday he had to go to Kisumu to see his mum who was feeling unwell. Her problem with this is that he didn’t think to even call her to wish her happy birthday. He didn’t get a gift or anything and when she called him the next day he said, “I didn’t call because you expected me to”. This wasn’t the only thing he’s done wrong but I don’t really want to go into all that. The reason I’m mentioning all this is to point to what women want.
  
  I asked a couple of my girl friends what they would consider the perfect boyfriend. One called Emily said, “My ideal boyfriend would be one how would be one who cares about my feelings, thoughts and what I hold dear. Understanding, one who includes me in his life, listens and respects my beliefs. One I don’t have to beg so that he can spend time with me. A fun person”
  What ladies don’t realize that don’t really want the perfect boyfriend, the ever thoughtful dude, and gentleman and never forgets anything. What they want is someone who will mistreat them a little. I’m not talking of out-right physical or verbal abuse, I talking about forgetting to call, a little rude to them and maybe even cold and distance. Like said nice guys finish last all the time when it comes to women. It’s a universal fact.When he includes you in his life, you’ll find the girl complaining something like,”He’s smothering me, I need space to breathe!!” When he cares about want you think and feel you begin to hear, “He’s such a push-over, he can’t seem to hold an opinion of his own” and so on blah blah blah.
  Look at something I saw in a paper once:Hi,

  This movie is awesome, everyone should watch it.

  I’m a 34 year old women married woman. I’ve been married for 5 years and have a two year old daughter. I have a problem. My husband is almost perfect; he comes home immediately after work every day and never stay out too late during the weekend. He brings home his check each month so we can plan and budget with it. My problem with him is that the sparks in the bedroom are gone, he just doesn’t please me as he used to, and it’s been over a year since he properly satisfied me. It’s getting so bad I’m thinking of cheating on him. Please help me, because I love my husband and don’t want to hurt him but temptation grows by the day.Thanks,Unsatisfied.
  
  Now I ask you, how does one help a lady like this? I mean really? Even I’m not that perfect, and I consider myself to be the perfect gentleman. What does this woman want? Does she realize that the problem may just be her; I mean the dude doesn’t seem to be complaining. In the comments section she had a bunch of replies asking her what’s wrong with her but I’m sure most of those women if in the same position would still find something wrong with him before long.
  What am I saying women may know what they want from their perfect man physically (tall, athletic, good looking), mentally (must have a masters, this level in such a company) and materially(car, house, money) but they have no clue what they want from him emotionally or rather they never think about it apart of course he needs to be funny. Really, that’s why women stick with men who physically and emotionally abuse them.This answers the question my friend posed to me; girls just dig bad boys because they want to be a little mistreated. At least when they realize this they can really begin to examine their potential boyfriends knowing what to look for and what to avoid. I think this is why mothers always tell their daughters not to make the same mistakes they made and what exactly to look for in a man.
  So what is in store for the good guys? Well, there’s always the best friend position. She wants to keep you close enough to keep treating her right, holding the door for her, remembering the birthdays and anniversaries but you’ll never be her boyfriend. This is the sad truth, don’t you think? Let me know in the comments. Peace!

• Random post

  Posted: March 13, 2011, 12:51 am by cdohnio

  This is one of those posts where, I just talk randomly about whatever is on my head, as I have nothing of much significance to talk about. Usually when I a have random stuff to write down it’s about one specific topic but today, I’m going random about random.
  

  Random like the colours in this picture

  I was in Kakamega over the weekend visiting my cousin; it was all kinds of awesome, drinking and raeving and hanging out and drinking. While on the rave, I happened to dance with a big mama by big here I mean fat. This girl had big everything; big boobs, big ass, big thighs, big stomach; big everything. While she was grinding on me and I’m starting to get a little feeling in my nether regions, I realized that big women may actually be able to be able a rouse something in me. I didn’t know that, I’ve always found fat girl’s unsexy, this weekend is causing me to re-examine that.
  
  I’m currently crushing on one of my classmates, that’s what that last post asking for your advice. I actually want to take this one to the next “level” something I’ve never done before, I’m kind of scared. I mean this could mean a whole new type of responsibility I’ve never had, or the crushing feeling of failure and rejection. I’ll let you know how that one goes. If you still have some advice for me the comment section is eternally open here, or on the other post.
  
  One of my neighbours, a friend of my is in a dilemma of sorts. He has met this girl, she’s all class, swag and sex in a single package. He describes her as a girl whose personality screams adventure. His problem? He’s scared that if he gets with this girl he’ll not be able to get out and it’s too late into the semester. He’s worried that if he goes in he won’t be able to enjoy all the fresh fruit coming in next semester. Childish really in my opinion, he should just commit, after all he can’t be sure about next years bunch can he?
  
  So my laptop got stolen yesterday, I'm dramatised but I'm still hoping it'll be found before too long. Pray for "loverboy"(my laptop's name).
  
  Oh one last thing, I'm thinking of changing up the blog colour theme drastically, when I finally do it, I'd really like it if you let me know what you think. Peace!!!

• I need your advice

  Posted: March 3, 2011, 9:52 am by cdohnio

  So yeah I need your advice but for I get into that let me show you a bit of an SMS chat I was having with a friend of mine:
  Lilly: Hey you, now can you break the ice, I hate being anxious, it makes me miss me moments in bed
  Me: Which moments in bed are these? Can I join you and see? :)
  Lilly: My moments. I have a thing with my bed and we don't need company.
  Me: I don't think it'll b too hard for me to get in between you.
  
  I have to admit I thought that last line was genius! I totally surpassed myself with that one and it’s difficult for me to impress myself, trust me. What do you think? Am I just being conceited? Let me know in the comments.
  
  If you can remember I had this to say about dating. I still stick to what I said then. However being the heterosexual human boy I am I still find myself wondering and longing for the typical relationships that I see around me amongst my friends. Call it peer pressure or whatever it's still something I want to experience.
  
  However I recently realised after much thought that I have no idea how to go about getting a girlfriend, you know, asking her out, to be yours. That's where I need your advice. Don't get me wrong I'm not asking for pick-up lines or even lessons in charm and game, just the final step where you ask her to be your girlfriend or whatever. I mean is there a procedure, a method, or algorithm? A best way? Let me know in the comments.
  

  I need a girlfriend with a body like this

   Oh, I know this is kind of sexist but I'd mostly really appreciate female voices in this. I don't mean any disrespect to men but you may think you know what you're doing but maybe you've been doing it wrong for years!! Still I'd like to hear what you have to say so don't be shy. Peace!

• Her eyes...

  Posted: February 28, 2011, 9:46 am by cdohnio

  This is a description of the eyes of a girl I know, she's beautiful but one of her striking feature is her eyes they contain so much that I fear this description falls short of what they contain but I've tried my best and thought I'd share it with you:

  These aren't her's but they give you an idea

  Deep,drowning with a sort of simmering energy behind them like they could instant explode into intense emotion...they know what your thinking and it amuses them...calling,daring,dreamy and ever so seductive.Enigmatic a twinling of mischieviousness in them,playful
  
  There's more in them but I lack words...
  
  In other news, people will be standing together all over the country, Kenya, to sing the national anthem to show against divisive politics. "At 1pm Kenyans will unite to sing all three verse of our beautiful and powerful National Anthem. On the 28th February 2011 the world will watch as Kenyans stand UNITED; 1pm, 1 nation, 1 people, 1 anthem, united in 1 prayer for 1 Kenya."-taken directly from their website. I'm still debating whether I'll be joining them. We'll see, I'm building syke for it. If I do I may just blog about it. Peace!!

• Green park

  Posted: February 26, 2011, 10:13 pm by cdohnio

  Ladies and gentlemen last week on Friday, for the first time, I went to one of the locals around school for drinks with a new friend of mine, @joeemgee, at a place call Green Park. Yup, it was awesome up so I want to tell you about it.
  
  
  We were supposed to meet there at 8, 8.30 but somehow I only got there at 9 and Joe around thirty minutes later. I check in and well to tell you the truth it looked better than expected. Clean and very simple. I saw one of my classmates, a girl, who seemed to be on a double date. Wait can you really have a proper date in a bar? Of course, I planted myself right there while I waited for Joe, I don't think her date liked it.}:)
  
  Joe checked in and I left my classmate, Joe immediately ordered our drink and we joined one of his friends at his table. Now from here I generally just kept quite and observed everything going on around me and trying to keep up with the conversation going on on my table.
  
  So now a quick recap of the night
  
  -There was this girl, obviously drunk, who was wearing a white dress. This dress was so short it might as well have been an oversized t-shirt. It kinda had this night dress fabric thing going on(yup, see through) and it was those flowing type, which you'd think she'd consider when she dancing but no it kept raising threatening to reveal all but somehow it didn't. Oh and it low cut, and she had massive boobs. Oh and she was kinda beautiful. More on her later.
  
  -We spent quite a bit of time scanning the bar commenting on the hotness of the girls there. In fact there was one particularly well blessed one, chest-wise who Joe commented "Matitty pap!!!" and when ever she came to our table he'd openly stare at her chest which I was shocked she didn't notice. I looked too, trust you couldn't not stare, they where that big, but I like to think I was more discrete.
  
  -Other girls where standing at the bar seemingly doing nothing and not really drinking anything. After looking at them there for like 10 minutes I asked Joe, who was my guide to the compass bar scene, about them and why he didn't vibe them and he told me those were to be stayed away from. Apparently they stand around waiting to get vybed then they ask for drinks, which of course if you wanna keep vybing them you have to buy:-D so generally you wait for someone else to buy the drinks then you do the slicing!:)
  
  -But I swear I could have gone blind that night, you know the way your mum told you if you saw a grown woman naked? Well at some point the chic with the white dress came over, put her leg on the arm of the chair of one of the dudes at my table and let him finger her, right there. This was like in the very center of the room and this bar is really well light. I turned away before my mums promise(curse?) of blindness came fulfilled. NASTY!!!
  
  -A fight almost broke out because of some idiot who didn't know when to shut up. I mean even me, in my inebriated state, could tell that if the nigga shut up he wouldn't be in so much shit. He got kicked out. Idiot.
  
  -Oh and I saw a lecturer so drunk he was falling over himself. If that was one of my teachers I doubt I'd ever be able to take them seriously ever again.
  
  Okay then enough about other what did I do and learn? I drank, obviously. What were supposed to be 2 drinks became 7. Joe and his friends are quite generous :) I danced with that classmate of mine, and realised I really like dancing...with girls. I learnt that I will never be a heavy weight drinker, the guys at my table, including Joe, those are the really drinkers and finally if I fall asleep high and get woken up I'll puke.
  
  All in all it was a really fun night! Mad thanks to @joeemgee and his pals!! Maybe this weekend I’ll go drinking again, apparently that Friday it was rather empty. That should be fun:) Peace!!!

• The players wife

  Posted: February 25, 2011, 6:21 pm by cdohnio

  First, I’d like to apologise to you, my readers, for not updating this blog for so long. I don’t know why but I've been extremely lazy to do stuff recently. I have no syke for school or lessons. But still I promised more regular updates and I plan to keep that promise. I have a laptop after all.
  
  Anyway away from that and on to today’s topic: The player’s wife. I have a friend; he’s the player (Kelly*). I have another friend (Dina*), she’s the wife. And why is this spectacular or note-worthy?
  Kelly is the type of dude who on a typical weekend could bed 2 different girls and then not call or talk to them ever again. He’s a player and he’s not ever abashed admitting it to anyone who asks him (It’s weird that girls never think to ask questions until his already bedded them). He’s a nice guys to hang around and he’s one of my close friends here in uni.
  
  Dina is the good girl of our class. Polite, honest and dresses conservatively. She never misses class and you can trust her to have up-to date notes in every class even the obscure ones like HIV&AIDS(which, fun-fact, I’ve only attended a single lecture of).
  
  So how can she be his wife? Well she’s not really his wife (girlfriend) but she is the most consistent girl in his life. She’s the only one he calls on a daily basis and he almost always knows exactly where she is at anytime of the day. She’s the one girl whose calls he always picks, and he sees her everyday. All this is because she’s the one who gives him notes and keeps him up-to date with what’s happening in class. She’s the reason he’s able to pass any classes (he misses most). His life would fall apart without her
  
  It’s only this week I began to call her his wife. She’s like that girl in the movies; she’s the assistant or friend of the dude who’s a player and she’s the only reason or thing in he’s life that keeps him stable. Of course in the movies the dude usually falls for the dude or vice versa. That parts bullshit but the rest is pretty sound reason, I've seen it with my own eyes. So have you guys notice this too with your friends who are players? Or are you a player with a similar experience? Let me know what you’re thinking in the comments. Peace!!!
  
  *Not their real names

• Suicide

  Posted: February 12, 2011, 4:47 pm by cdohnio

  Today I'm in a sufficiently depressed to post this rather dull post. I wrote it when I was going through a really bad time in my life. I'm feeling right now something similar to what I did then.
  Has any of you really contemplated suicide? As in really really thought about it? I have. Sometime I feel it'd be better than all the sadness in the world. Where everyone's life seems to be going better than yours?
  
  No, I really don't want to hear that crap of there people out there going through worse! I really don't care about them do I? I don't know them.
  
  Death would be sweet release, from worry, from probelms, from uncertainty, from pain, from control, from sadness, from fear, from feeling, from thought.
  
  And so what if I go to hell?(I believe in it) It'll not be forever and anyway my version of hell, the one I believe in, any pain would be instant before I become nothing. That isn't so bad. Infact it's perfect! Just a few moments of judgement, a chance to know that the people I care about most made it to heaven and then blank. Relief.
  
  I've thought about it, as in really thought about it, how best to do it so it's least painful(I have a morbid fear of pain) if a note would be left, what would be on it. Who'd really miss me if I was gone. How the funeral would be. Who'd be there. What I'd want said about me. Which one of my parents would consider it their fault. In less words I mean I've thought about it a lot.
  
  I'm not going to kill myself. There's something you could say anchoring me to this life. If that anchor disappeared, I'd die, I don't think there'd be much to live for. No point of going on.
  
  I'm leaving comments on this but I'm asking that the sympathy be kept to a mininum. After all it's never that serious:) Peace!

• Am I being an asshole?

  Posted: February 10, 2011, 10:34 am by cdohnio

  Hey y’all! I’ve been on a kind of high since the weekend. I finally got off my ass and went for the shopping I should’ve gone for 4 weeks ago meaning I have some food in my room finally. I went shags(the country house) for a day so that I could have a bit of solitude and found my dad there, he gave me some cash:) which for someone my age is better than solitude. Also he gave me something even better than money; my own laptop!!

  Is this true?

  
  It’s a beast and then some. It’s a tablet convertible.  I’m absolutely in love with it. I may do a post on it someday soon just so that you can turn green in envy. You guys refused to donate to my laptop fund, now I have one I want to rub it in your faces…hard!!*evil cackle* I didn’t even get any spam messages from it. NKT! You guys are mean. Where’s the love?
  Anyway that’s not why I’m writing this. I’m writing this because I’ve been feeling rather bad recently. And I know where it’s coming from, it’s cause. My laptop.
  I know, it’s so unfair that something I’ve wanted for so long, and love, is giving me grief. Allow to explain. Due to my laptop’s unique nature (I think it’s the only one of its kind on campus) and my generally friendly nature everyone wants some time with it. Unfortunately, I’ve been feeling very mean and protective of it. I don’t want anyone but me to use it or even touch it.
  Take example one friend wanted to install Virtual DJ on it and I felt like shouting, “Why the fuck would I want to out that on my machine? Just because its touch screen?” but I just said rather forcefully I think that I wouldn’t be installing it. Or another friend wanted to install Fifa and I didn’t  want to because it’s a huge space hog and it’d mean this friend may be borrowing my laptop more than I’d like.
  So what’s the point of tell you this? I want/need your advice because I’ve been feeling that I maybe just being mean to people who want to use my laptop. And it’s not just with my laptop but with anything of mine especially when it’s still new. I mean am I being a jackass for being stingy with my stuff? And also at which point would it be people taking advantage of my generosity? While I don’t want to be mean, I also don’t want to be uncomfortable or taken advantage of because of my generosity. Help? Peace!!

• Campus Drama: My thoughts

  Posted: February 4, 2011, 10:15 am by cdohnio

  So while I was narrating this story( Catch part one here) to you guys-and girls- I've tried to as objective as possible and tell the story as I saw it then, through my eyes, without giving you too much of what I thought of the situation after really thinking about it. So that's what this post is about.
  
  I don't know about you but I've always been of the opinion that get pregnant at my age-which is rather young, think kid, baby-is stupid. Yes, I'm saying that Q was stupid to get pregnant. I mean think about it in this day and age you only get pregnant if you want to, what with condoms, contraceptives, e-pills and of course abstinence, it's either that or you're stupid. I told Q as much.
  
  Finally, if I ever got a girl pregnant, I have two options and option 2 is only taken after 1 fails.
  Option 1: I ask the girl to marry me. Really. I was just raised like that, it's something that has been really drilled into me by my mum, also it's something I'd want to do because I wouldn't want any child of mine born out of wed-lock and anyway it would be against my honour not to at least try and ask. All this is rather old fashioned but that's just me, this is a decision I made and I plan to stick to it if it ever comes to it. Anyway people can grow in love, right?
  Option 2:If she doesn't like option 1 and is not planning to keep the baby do everything on my power, limited right now though they are, to give her all the support I can, financial and emotional. Be there for her as much as can. You can chalk this one up to my honour too. It'd be pussy to leave her in such a state. I probably couldn't look at myself in the mirror again!(And I like looking at myself in the mirror!!)
  
  That's why what E did pissed me off so much. You make a girl pregnant, you refuse to go with her to take a test and then you have the audacity to ask she goes through another test? The fuck! I mean, do you really think she wants to go through that again? Is it even fair? Then refusing to help clean up your mess, that's just wrong! I still can't walk past E in school without grimacing. He actually disgusts me. I hope he knows it.
  
  Finally, I'm pro-abortion, how ever in a discussion with one of my best friends, she told me that there was no need to have aborted, that these days getting pregnant wasn't a big deal and it wouldn't have been as bad as Q envisioned. What do yáll think? Let me know in the comments. Peace!!!

• Why a Kenyan revolution will never happen

  Posted: February 3, 2011, 11:16 pm by cdohnio

  I needed to out this up quick which is why I’m doing this on a day I already have on post up but I feel the longer I wait the less relevant what I have to say becomes. Also I'm not a political scientist or any sort of expert on revolutions and such matters, these are just my thoughts.
  Recently, ever since the Tunisia and then Egypt protests and revolts there’s been a lot of chatter on my time-line(Twitter) about whether such a thing can be repeated in Kenya. Today there was even talk of one  on 28th February. I don’t know where this one came from but there were a lot of tweets tagged with it in the morning.I kind of found this laughable because I knew it could never happen, not yet anyway. Why? Well that’s why I’m writing this to explain why I know it could never happen.
  We don’t have the balls.  We’re way too comfortable to have a citizen-led revolution. We’re too scared to do what it takes. The post-election violence that happened in 2008 has put in us a health fear of such “revolution”. Even today, when the #feb28 tweets were flying around tweets going around begging for calm, that there were more peaceful means to change the piteous state our country’s in. Someone mentioned the new constitutional implementation as a way to change things.
  Don’t get me wrong, I’m very pro-peace but what I need my fellow Kenyan’s to realise is that for change to come, a revolution to take place you have to be ready to make sacrifices, I’m not talking about money but lives. Yes, I’m saying that for change to happen in a revolutionary manner we must be ready to die. Until that day we’re ready to lay down our lives  to see change we’ll have to be content with the manner that reforms are being implemented in our country, snail’s-pace and probably a couple of generations out.
  I’m not saying that the revolution must necessarily be violent but I am saying that we must be ready to die for it. I say this because the system we’d want to change, the corruption and impunity will not want to change. The people who back it will not want to change, they will fight back and do so violently. We all saw it during the post election violence. They have the power and means to hire and entice people to kill and intimidate anyone who tries to change the system that has  given them vast amounts of wealth and power. Case and point the Ocampo six.
  These guys have managed simultaneously make their prosecution and tribal and political debate and coerce the government to somehow consider their defence one of national pride and honour, hence pay for it, simply because they’re part of the government. I mean are you fucking serious? Crime cannot be protected simply because it's committed by the government or members of it.
  Also for this country to undergo a revolution the middle class needs to take part in it. We won’t. We’re too selfish. We all only ever think about ourselves and/or our families. Think about it. Sure we’ll complain about the corruption, the sorry state of our judicial systems and poor infrastructure but when it comes down to it we all manage to living with them, quite comfortably I can add. We’re not ready to lose that comfort. I think this still goes back to what I said before.
  I’ll leave you all with this short story from the post election violence period:Kibaki had just been declared president and sworn-in in increase darkness. We saw on TV that Kibera was rioting. Looking out the window you could just make out the smoke in the distance( we stay liked 20 mins walk from Kibera in those days).Later that night there was talk that Raila had called a rally at Uhuru park, that he was going to swear himself in. My aunt and mum made plans to go. They weren't going to stand for their election being stolen.Morning came. They woke up syked, charged. They dress in jeans, t-shirts and running shoes. There was talk of “If there’s no transport, we’ll walk. Even if the police come there we’re prepared to stand our ground.They left the house and out of our court. I immediately put on the TV to find out what the situation around Uhuru Park was. A ring of police and GSU all round the place, armed to the teeth.3minutes later the door opens and there are my aunt and mum. Apparently the GSU(General Service Unit, special police unit used in special situation mostly riot control) men had chosen outside of gate to deploy to stop protesters who were trying to make it to Uhuru park on foot and they had been told to return to house immediately. I laughed my head off!
  I fear this is what will happen if we ever tried for a revolution, we turn back scared at the very first opposition we meet. I’d like to point out that both relations in Egypt and Tunisia started with death. Also in Egypt, when they had gathered together in Tahrir square they stayed there besides the police harassing and wounding and killing them and today apparently there been pro Mubarak supporters causing havoc and death. That’s all I have to say. As always peace!!!!
  PS: I read an interesting post on revolution on Diasporadical today by misternv. I suggest you go check it out. Again peace!!

• Campus drama: the last part

  Posted: February 3, 2011, 1:10 pm by cdohnio

  Continuing from here
  
  I don’t like this dude, E. He looks shifty, dodgy. But then again that might have something to do with him knocking up my friend but not so much, I remember I met him when I went Greenpark (local around school), he didn’t seem to like me cutting in the way I did.
  
  
  He seemed to look rather scared when Q asked that he clears the room of everyone, except me and W. Then she began to talk to E. She told him that she had gone to hospital to get tested, that the results were positive, she was pregnant. And guess what he asked?
  
  He asked why she hadn’t called him when she was going for the test. She told him that she had tried to call him earlier, after she first informed him of her suspicions but his phone was very off so she couldn’t reach him. Then he asked why we-me and W-were there, why we took her to hospital. I was like WTF??? Is the nigga daft??? Ati why us and not him, nktesticles!!! She told him there was no way she was going to face this alone, so she need her friends, best ones in school around her.
  
  Around this point, W, suggested that we leave to give them some privacy which was probably a superb idea because I was so very tempted to begin making snide comments. Outside, W who seemed to know these things really well, told me that he didn’t think that things were going to well. I don’t know what went on behind those closed doors but I know when that he didn’t take her, and by extension, our, word that she was paged and demanded another test. Only then would he help with her abortion.
  
  So that’s it. That's all that happened. Unaltered or censored, except of course by the quality of my memory. Though this isn't something you forget is it? I mean it was my first experience of something like this and hopefully my last. By the way Q would've done the test again except that E disappeared after that and his phone either went answered or was off. There's another post tomorrow giving you a bit of my thoughts and opinions. Peace

• Campus drama: Part3

  Posted: February 2, 2011, 1:43 pm by cdohnio

  Continuing from here
  
  “Hello, R?”
  
  “Hey, how are you?”
  
  “Fine, it’s cdohnio”
  
  “Ahhh, cdohnio how are you? How’s school?”
  
  “I’m cool, school’s fine, listen I have something rather delicate to ask you”
  
  “Ask…”in serious and curious tone.
  
  “First of all you have to promise to keep this secret, you can’t tell anyone, not my mum, not aunty, not your bro….(add several family members here)….no one!”
  
  “Okay, what is it?”suspicion.
  
  “I have a friend, a girl, she gotten herself in a delicate situation and she wandering the price of something. You know Hosithis, right?”
  
  “Yes…”slight worry.
  
  “How much is it to get an operation there?”
  
  “A what? Abortion…?”definite worry.
  
  “Well, yes”
  
  “Ummm, about 8k”
  
  “8?”
  
  “Yeah. But we can do it for her at 4k at Hosithat. If she doesn’t mind it.”
  
  “4, really?”
  
  “Yes. Wait , cdohnio, she’s pregnant, right? And she has a baby? Your baby?” fear and anxiety
  
  “No, not mine, do I look stupid? She’s just a friend I’m doing a favour for”
  
  “ Oh, phewks, I thought…”major relief
  
  “Nah, not me, I’m a good boy and very careful. By the way this is a really close friend of mine if anything happens to her I’ll kill you, you have to make sure she’ll be okay.”
  
  “Don’t worry these things are done all the time”
  
  “So how long will it take?”
  
  “About 30mins and it’ll be done”
  
  “Cool, I give you call when we get the cash together, cool?”
  
  “Sure, anytime.”
  
  “And R thanks a lot I really appreciate this, love you!!”
  
  Click.
  
  I asked Q if she had heard what I said, and also filled her, and W, in on the parts they may not have heard. So what was next? We decided to go to see someone who, should have been prominently featured but so far, nil. After Q called E, we head to his room.
  
  Concludes tomorrow.

• Campus drama: Part2

  Posted: February 1, 2011, 11:51 am by cdohnio

  Continued from here
  
  I found out later, that I actually exclaimed, ’Whoops!!’. I can’t remember that. Q then took the results out of my hand to see for her self and after W also took a look he ripped the results into pieces. Dee began cursing how she couldn’t believe it as she fought hard-I could tell-not to cry though tear still leaked from the sides. She collapsed for a few seconds into Q arms and all I could do was rub her back. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that useless, or that confused or maybe lost is word, in my young life. I mean, what could I do? Or rather I didn’t know what I could, should do.
  This may be the best place to mention the baby wasn’t mine.
  
  No it belonged to some idiot I’m going to call E. He was someone before me and her got intimate.
  
  After she had gathered herself enough to stop crying which didn’t take very long she began hysterically laughing at how ugly a baby of E would be and how she could never have it. All W and I could do is wait for her to get over it and stare at each other. E then sprung into action making us discuss her options.
  
  “We need to now think of what to do next. Options. First of all are you keeping the baby?”
  
  “No!”
  
  “Good, then we have to consider where to abort it. I know Hosithis does it in town.”
  
  “Do we know much it is?”
  
  Me,” My cousin told me of that place I’m sure she knows of the price. I could call and ask her.”
  
  Q,”Do you have credit now?”
  
  Me,”No…”(Broke ass motherfuckerJ)
  
  W,”First let’s organize stuff first we’ll do that stuff later. Okay so who do we need to call?”
  
  Q,”E, you had better talk to me I can’t handle him right now. We’re already pissed at each other” (Unrelated with what’s going on btw, the being pissed)
  
  W,”Cool . I’d rather do it in person though he may not take me seriously over phone”
  
  We paused here and sat on the bench in complete silence, each to their own thoughts, though Q’s were rather obvious because of the way she kept sighing and laughing and shaking her head and other things. I was thinking that I wanted to break E for being so stupid.
  
  At some point we decided to get back to school, where we met with some dude who couldn’t get the hint that he was welcome in our company but he insisted. He was one of those hangers-on of our group (I came and found him, though) the ones who no one really likes but can’t seem to get the hint?
  
  We went to one of the bunches in school and sat, just me and Q.(W had gone with the hanger-on to some other dude’s(who was part of the group) room. I then explained to Q about my cousin and how she was trustworthy, knowledgeable, a doctor and best of all sure to be discreet .So when W joined us again I made the call from his phone.(Broke ass student remember?)
  
  “Hello”
  
  Continues tomorrow. Peace.

• Campus drama: Part1

  Posted: January 31, 2011, 12:20 pm by cdohnio

  I don’t really know how to start this. I’m scared. A girl I was intimate with is pregnant. Yes pregnant and I’m freaking out for her. Yes my only concern is her. I’m really worried how this will affect her mentally and psychologically. It’s just the first month of year one and already I’m in such a difficult situation. I’ll start at the beginning.
  
  So I have this friend lets call her, Q, we had sex… She was the first on campus. The next week she tells me and some of our friends (we’re kind of a group, small) that she thinks she’s missed her ps. One of us, we’ll call him, W, asked how long it had been and she says 2 weeks. She then goes on to say that she wants us to take her to the clinic so she can get a pregnancy test.
  
  Of course being the gentlemen we are, we said yes and a date was set for the next week. On the appointed date she got cold feet and cancelled. The next day, however, thanks to my skilful coaxing we went to the government clinic that is near our school. When we got there I took the lead, at the request of Q and asked whether they did pregnancy tests. The clinic, which was basically two small rooms, cubes really, seemed to be staffed with only elderly ladies. You know the mothering type that look at young people with judging eyes? The type you can be sure if they knew your mother she’d know 5 sec after you left that you were looking for a pregnancy test? Yes that type.
  
  The lady then goes on to ask us why we don’t go to the school hospital, she could tell we were students and it was free treatment there. Obviously, I want to tell her that we really don’t want the school to have the records of this test, whether it was negative or positive. Wait I did tell her that. Only then did she tell us that them didn’t have a lab so they didn’t do those tests. Nkt!! But she did guide us to the private hospital jus outside one of the school gates.
  
  We walked there, and paid for the pregnancy test, using a fake name, she was told to go pee in a cup and give it to the lab for the test. We had to wait for 10mins for the results.
  
  While we waited, W tried, and failed, to comfort saying that she had options. I kept translating to her what he meant is that we’ll figure out things together. She appreciated both our efforts. I was holding her hands. At some point we tried to talk about anything else other than what if but somehow we kept drifting back to the test.
  
  The doctor/lab technician came out with the results and, callously, holds out the results to our group and I took them. He had put them hidden under the receipt. I slide  it to the side and looked at the result.
  
  Shit, it was positive.
  
  Part 2 tomorrow. Peace.

• Posts this week

  Posted: January 30, 2011, 1:02 pm by cdohnio

  Hey y'all! Starting tomorrow I'll be dropping a bunch of posts I wanted to put up last year but didn't have the chance or means to. There are 4 or 5 posts that were actually written as one but would have been too long for one sitting/post in my opinion. So I cut it up. I've done it such a way that it provides the most entertainment while still managing to convey what was happening. I hope you like it because I personally think I did a great job on them. Either way your thoughts on them would be much appreciated so stick around. Peace!!

• I wish I was asexual

  Posted: January 25, 2011, 11:53 am by cdohnio

  And aromantic too! I really do! Life would be so so much simpler like that, atleast for me! I could be friends with anyone without becoming confused with destructive feelings and my pride bruised. If you don’t know much about asexuality you might wanna read this post here or google it. (I’d prefer you read it here thoughJ). Now let me go on.
  I’m great with people and make friends easily. Most of these are of the female variety and I don’t mind that one bit. I’m friendly, charismatic and charming. And I believe I’m quite handsome (my mum tells me this too and she never lies). I have the gift to draw people to me. I like being the center of attention.
  So I guess you’re wondering why, with all that, I would want to be asexual. As you should have read by now asexy people don’t feel any sexually attraction. I can just imagine it; I could look at any girl and not feel any sexual attraction to her! And if I was aromantic won’t I have any romantic feelings. Trust me when you have as many girl friends as I do you’re bound to get confused. Being asexy and aromantic would mean I wouldn’t have to think my sexual and romantic feelings when I become friends with a girl!
  Yeah I know what you’re thinking but right now I’d really sacrifice all the “pleasure” gotten from romantic and sexual relationships for the peace of mind that must come from not being able to confuse how you feel about someone! Shifting through those emotions is stress and you might make the wrong decision anyway. Friends are for life girlfriends for but a time. Before I sign off any one else thinks the word asexy rolls off the tongue nicely? Say it with me “Asexy!!!” JPeace!

• Hey! I'm back!!!

  Posted: January 24, 2011, 3:52 pm by cdohnio

  Hey guys! Did you miss me? I missed you. Really I have. This should technically be a new years message but it's already so late in the month there's barely any point of talking about it except perhaps to say" I hope you new year has gone well so far. How are the resolutions coming along long? I mean are you still sticking to them?"
  I personally don't do new year resolutions. I think it's because I've usually have made my long term decisions long before the new year checks in. And also because I'm awesome. I mean why wait for new years to take a look at your life and make decisions about it? Anyway before I go rambling on for too long without saying much of value. I just wanted to do this post to let yáll know that I should be posting more regularly now.
  
  Why? Well...after you guys ignored my passionate plea to donate a laptop so I could keep blogging I went home and begged my dad to get me one. He refused. Fortunately for me(and you) my room-mate recently(a couple of days ago) got one of his own. I should be jealous but I'm not. This means I can post stuff almost as soon as it comes to me. YAY! It's awesome, I know! Anyway thanks for reading:) Peace!!!
  *By the way if you're wondering about how frequently I plan to post, I'm hoping for at least one a week more when I'm feeling particularly inspired or when I break down a really long post. Peace! Again!!*

• The sides of my Ego

  Posted: December 17, 2010, 12:27 pm by cdohnio

  I feel like writing and all I can seem to think about right now is my ego...more on why in a bit. So I'll talk about the sides of my ego.
  I don't know about y'all but I don't have an ego, I have about 3. Yeah, 3. While all separate entities, each with their own pulse and reason for being, they're interconnected. So what egos are these?
  Well the first, and most prominent of them all, the one you'll probably notice first if you hang around me or my blog is the one that I'm going to call Game. Game is the one that fills me with the belief that I have the skill to talk anyone...and have them charmed, liking me or very impressed with me. Oh, and believe I can do it better than anyone, anywhere. 
  I really can't tell you where this one came from, I just know it's been there for a long time, though not for ever. Maybe it comes from the fact I've always had the ability to make friends easily. I don't know. But I do know what contributed it. The schools I've attended, my friends, my mum, and lesser extent dad, and obviously me.Lets analyze that. I sliced people in school and I was never sliced in school, no matter who tried. My friends are generally ego boosting people otherwise they'd be very poor friends, right? My mum always tells me how handsome I am and what a charmer I am. My dad, well, he has game, I've seen it in action so it always amazes me how he ended up picking my step-mum, anyway by virtue of being his son I inherited some of the skill through genes. And me should be self explanatory.
  The second one and the third are more related to each other, I'll call them Genius and Ability. Genius is the one that makes me feel that if I apply myself to any field of knowledge in the world I can do it rather well, better than most. Meaning that I can learn anything I want and be good at it. Nothing is hard. Ability well I believe I can do anything. Really anything as long as I believe in it. Climb Mt.Everest? Sure why not? Fly a helicoptor? I'll be buying one in future. Juggling? Okay not this one. I'm one person who really hates being told I can't do that, because I believe I can do anything.
  So why am I telling you all this? Well one of my ego's right know is feeling rather deflated and I need to get it back to it usual, exorbidant, levels. Actually it's more of waiting because it will get back to "normal" levels. Some chic is toying with my emotions and I don't like it. It's making me doubt myself a bit and question the level of my game. But never fear, I usually bounce back better than before. After all I have a near infallible belief in myself. Anyway peace!!!

• MAN ON THE MOON II: THE LEGEND OF MR. RAGER

  Posted: December 13, 2010, 12:17 pm by cdohnio

   So this is another guest post by another firend of mine! Actually the girl I told you about here and here. Yeah Mich, that awesome awesome girl I told you about. Well she wrote this for my a long time ago and I was supposed to put it up back then but I've been busy and lazy! So anyway here it is now...
  
  So I'm sure that not many of us know that this is Kid Cudi's 2nd LP that is to be released later this year. I'm sure someone knows what Man on the Moon means, and I used to at a point, but since I've forgotten, pardon the meaning I'll give it today.
  We all know our brains have two sides, just like the moon, a bright side and a dark side. So taking the brain to be a moon, we'd say that there's a man on my moon right now, and his story is quite like Kid Cudi's, so its the legend of Mr. Rager.
  In the dark side of my brain, Mr. Rager is a guy who's gone through quite so much in his life, he should be as dark as the universe without stars, but in the bright side, he's just reflecting sunlight off him to everyone who cares to get warm.
  But there's something about this guy, he's just sticking on the moon, without any plans of getting down to earth, he's getting comfortable on the moon, because its like he's forgotten that even though people will always disappoint him, he'll run out of oxygen one day....
  Now that I'm running out of metaphors... I guess I'll stop there, because this is not my kinda thing, and I'm not wont to say things just like that...so I shall talk about man on the moon 2...
  He's the guy who constantly runs around the moon, trying to stay in the light, as the moon rotates alot, and he's always there to brighten up my nights. I've gone to the extent of building castles in the air for this guy, hoping that he'll find it, because he's trying to get off the moon, and I wouldn't want him to get hurt on his way to earth. Soon enough, he'll catch his flight on Cloud Nine, and he'll become real to me....because he's just a figment of my imagination. But I'd have him anyday over my first man on the moon...who for now is the only man on the brain.
  I don't know if that will make sense to anyone but me,but everyone should get a copy of The Legend of Mr. Rager, and actually listen to what he has to say, because I think there's a lot going on beneath his cheesy smile.
  
  Personally I didn't get it all but atleast some of it was understandable. What did y'all think of it? Share your thoughts in the comments below and I'll let my friend konw what you think.

• Question week:the End

  Posted: December 12, 2010, 12:51 pm by cdohnio

  So I couldn't do a whole week of posts. I'm sorry but I ran out of things to question, I don't know why. Maybe I have nothing else to question or I just haven't figured out what else I'm questioning in my life yet but when I do you'll be some of the first to know.
  
  So this is the official end of questioning week. I like to think I tried my best and I really  hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. So what was your favourite post? Let me know? Until next time, peace!!!

• Questioning week:Dating

  Posted: December 11, 2010, 11:30 am by cdohnio

  So this is the like the 4th day of questioning week and so far so good. I've been able to post something each day so far. Today we talk about dating and perhaps at the end you'll help me answer questions I have.

  A coffee date

  
  A date is an appointment or engagement, especially a social one with a member of the opposite sex. That's what my phone dictionary tells me, and I quite agree, anyone with a different interpretation feel free to share it in the comments. It’s a simple enough definition and we can begin with that. NOTE: This will be told from my point of view so it’ll be biased to what might be "the guy" side.
  The purpose of a date is to get to know the other person and find out if you're compatible. You might as well call it an interview. The first is usually nervous and strained with awkward silences. You sit across from each other staring at each other wondering why you even decided to do it in the first place ‘till one of you (usually the dude) gets the balls to talk and depending, on if you’re as skilled as meJ, a conversation gets started. Topics are mainly superficial.  Depending on just how well the first date went the second date is more relaxed than the last and you delve deeper into each others lives. This is the one where it is decided if they’ll be another or not. And so you if date for long enough, and well enough, you just may end up girlfriend and boyfriend.
  Based on what I’ve just said the most important things when on a date are to get your date comfortable, entertained and engaged. All these things I know I can do but there’s a part that I’ve not yet mentioned. The part that bothers me the most, one of the reasons I don’t date. In a bid to impress said chic I’ll obviously pay for the first few dates also I’ll have to take her to place that has the right atmosphere. Unfortunately the right atmosphere is bloody expensive! The food there is well beyond what someone my age can afford.
  Then there’s the fact that the part you’re seeing of the other person and of yourself isn’t exactly the honest truth or rather the best of you. The ugly part remains cleverly hidden or cloaked in endearing words. That’s why you find people getting married and then saying (s)he’s no longer like the (wo)man I used to date.
  If you’re lucky enough not to be affected by these there’s always the chance that you’ll be cheated not once or twice but severally! I’ve seen it happen even with some of my friends. Faithfulness is fast becoming the stuff you read about in story books and in fast fading myths. All these and my own personal issues with life in general make me think twice about dating anyone.
  So why is it I feel some kind of pressure from my friends and society to date? While I’ve since learnt to ignore that pressure I still think about it from time to time. Why chic’s standards are so high? What’s the point of it all anyway? Is it a form of materialism? Or am I just broke and bitter about it? Either way I’m not going to be dating for a long while. Peace!

• Questioning Week: God

  Posted: December 10, 2010, 1:19 pm by cdohnio

  Today I ask questions about God but before i do a little background would be good. My parents divorced some nearly 5 years ago. Since then things haven't been exactly easy for my mum. She's always been short on cash and can't seen to be able to do much. She's a very strong Christian. My dad has had smooth sail as far as I can tell, very well paying top job and new wife. He has lives quite comfortably. I've never seen him in a church or praying in all my life.
  
  My mum believes that my dad will one day pay for the sins he has committed, and believe me they're not small ones, that God will have the last word, that her blessing is coming. Well that last word is taking its sweet time to arrive! I'm not trying to be blasphmas or anything but there's only so much time someone can wait.
  
  When I was in my last year school I believed that God had told me that sometime soon after I left school that things were  going to change, that I'd find things changed. I prayed that year, a lot. I remember telling God that if that didn't happen I was gone, for good, that I'd stop caring about obeying His laws and begin to live life on my own rules.
  
  It's been nearly two years since I told Him that.
  
  Nothing has changed as far as I can see and the status quo remains the same. So what does that mean for me? Well I left God and all that behind for a time. I stopped praying at all, didn't read the bible and scorned anything said in church(I still went because it'd've hurt my mum so if I stopped). There was even I time I would get so angry at the sermon that I wanted to scream at the pastor! I'd leave church those times.
  
  But I couldn't remain impartial to what I saw and I have a brian. I thought about it long and hard and decided that there was a God somewhere after all this a round us had to have been created by someone or something. Its all too neatly arranged too perfectly formed. But what i ahven't decided on is if he cares? Or he just look down and think look about what a poor disappointment we turned out to be? If he hasn't turned his back on us, why aren't the murderer, liars, cheats and rapists been punished? But far more importantly why keep some one so faithful to him like my Mum waiting for His justice? After all that he's not done do you really blame me for asking does God give a damn? Peace.

• Questioning Week: Religion

  Posted: December 9, 2010, 5:18 pm by cdohnio

  Today I'm going to talk about religion. I'm not so sure how long I can write about it so we'll see how far I go. I'm a Christian and to be more specific Seventh Day Adventist. I go to church on Saturday while most other Christians do this on Sunday.
  
  
  There probably several hundred devisions of Christianity in the world. We have Catholic, Pentecostal, Baptist, Protestant, Angilcan and our very own home bred, Finger of God church just to mention a few. I personally belive my church is the right one and you probably believe yours is the right one so how can you ever be sure?
  
  More than that we also have several religions. How can anyone be sure that theirs is the right one? Anyway all major religions have serious skeltons in their back ground. Christians had the crusades in which million of "barbarian" people were killed, Muslims have a more mordern version of this in which they bomb theyselves and others in the name of God. Both owned slaves. With all this how can anyone be sure about anything?
  
  Anyway almost all mordern religions are less than 3000 years ago and if you believe like I do that we where created atleast 7000years ago whom did we worship back then? How did we do it? Why did we stop? And what about indiginous communities on Africa before importation? These are matters of faith I agree but still when you doubt you ask these same questions. And couldn't religion just be some sort of control(like in the Matrix) to keep society and human being spiralling out of control? And when does faith have to stop and logic keep in? Peace!

• Questioning Week: Love and Friendship

  Posted: December 8, 2010, 11:17 am by cdohnio

  I promised I'd do a post a day and I'm trying to do my best to do so. Today we actually start the very first topic of my questioning week, love. This seemly complex thing that we all seek after in one way or another.
  
  My dictionary describes love as an intense feeling of deep affection or a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone. But when ever most of use use it we're talking about out boyfriends or girlfriends and the second description. Even then its not a word we use casually.
  
  
  It's something of a big deal to say something like "I love you" to someone we're dating. Peoople send a lot of time trying to discover whether they really love someone. Others obsess over when they'll final hear these three words, "I love you", from their significant other.
  
  A long while back me and my best girl friend were talking aboout how freely I use the words "I love you". I told her that I could tell any chic I know that loved her. By know here I meant my friends. And she said I can't love them all and that I was lying to them but I asked her, "You and me are close, right? And you do you think I have great love for you?" She answered yes "Doesn't that mean I love you? And you love me back? So if I said I love you, I'm not lying am I? It's not my fault if the girl chooses to interpret that any other way or if she doesn't bother to clearify because she's scared of the answer. What you should ask be asking your boyfriend is 'Are you in love with me?' Anyway" I explained to her, "I have different levels of love for everyone"
  
  I have a group of friends that I grew up with. And I really mean grew up with. We played hide and seek, had water fights and rode bikes together. As we grew older we somehow began clam down  and mellow out until a point where we did nothing but hang out at our spot in the estate we called "the Bench" and just talked and laughed and argued and fought. We  may not all still live in the same estate, we've scattered, others out of the country, but we still hang out when ever we can. I have lots of love for these guys, they've individually and collectively taken me through a lot.
  
  These friends of mine have been with me for over 7 years! Surely they mean more to me than a relationship I've been in 6 months? My very best friend and I have known each other most of our lives. This is one friendship that has survived several long separations, 5 countries and 2 continents. Is this love anymore less serious than the one I'd feel for my girlfriend? So why is it we seem to send so much more time concentrating and working on the love we have for our gfs/bfs?
  
  Why is it the words "I love you" seem to mean so much? Hasn't the use of this phrase distorted and diluted the true meaning of love? Is it wrong that I feel love for all my friends and choose to tell them using those words? Or am I confusing my feelings? Why isn't the word love used more often, to describe things like friendships. Why is it such a big deal when used within a relationship? Have you ever thought of this? Let me know...comment. Peace!!

• Questioning Week

  Posted: December 7, 2010, 10:58 am by cdohnio

  I'd been reading a blog(Rainbow Amoeba's Petri Dish) that had something she called Questioning Week. She had just moved her blog to a new site and was also celebrating the 4th Anniversary since the evening in her own words
  "during which I realized I needed to reconsider my assumed and never questioned heterosexuality, I thought I might as well tell the story of what exactly happened then."
  I encourage you all to go read the 7 posts she did because in my opinion they're great pieces that I might even one day feature here.(If she allows that is)
  
  So what am I saying with all this? Well I was inspired to question several things that confuse me and see if I could get honest answers about what I think and feel about various things that I've always taken for granted. This whole week starting today, until when I run out of things to question, hopefully 7 days from now, I'll be questioning something different each day. I'll try to be as honest as possible. I don't want to say what they all are now because I want you to check in tomorrow and the day after but I will say that the first will be love. See you tomorrow for what I think will be a rather interesting post(If i may say so myself:)). Peace!

• I know I've been gone...

  Posted: November 12, 2010, 3:54 am by cdohnio

  But as you may have realised... or not, the post I put up a few minutes ago was one of sometimes back, I think almost 2 months. So just to make it clear I haven't quit blogging, y'all would miss me too much anyway! So where I have I been the last two months?
  
  
  In school obviously living life and watching other people live it. I've done a few things that I'm dying to tell you about and also seen other people do stuff I wanna tell you about(keeping their anonmity intact as mush as possiple, ofcourse).
  
  The reason I've not been updating the blog much is that our school has free wi-fi. Yes. That's a bad thing because it makes spend cash at a cyber cafe all the more painful to do! I mean why pay for something you can have for free right? I can't access this free wi-fi to do post for you because I don't have a wi-fi enabled laptop, or a laptop for that matter. My dad is refusing to get my one. I might tell you why someday.
  
  I can't borrow one because people here are generally mean with their laptops and on top of that so few people have them anyway. You'd think it'd be a pretty standard thing for a university student but not in my uni. It may be a Kenya thing but I really can't speak for other universities. Also it's rather hard to maintain any anonmity if people are as looking over your shoulder as you work on their laptops. I like my selectivve anonmity.
  
  *Announcement: If you'd like to see me back blogging sooner I'm accepting any and all donations of old(or new) wi-fi enabled laptops, functioning or otherwise. If you'd like to donate please contact me-details on the contact cdohnio page- and you'll became my new favourite person in the world and first sponsor if this blog!!! Any extras will be given to charity! I'm serious. Donate!*
  
  Don't worry though I'm still writing for you-with pen and paper-because I always have stuff I wanna write or tell you. It's kinda weird though, that I forgot all about pen and paper until my new friend, @Randomshing, riminded me of it:-D. I guess I'm too computer focused!
  
  Btw did I tell you guys I'm now part of a group blog? How cool is that? I actually got invited to write there!!! I'm even what you could call a founder member. I so totally syked and super jazzed!! I mean some one asked me to be part of thier team! So you may see my post there once in a while. I've already put up one. You can check it out here, it very similar to the just before this one because they're the same topic. The blog is called The Alternative Focus, be sure to check it out! Let them know I sent you:-D
  
  So in short, I'm sorry I've been gone for so long. I'm also sorry I'll still be away for a while. But I'll be thinking of you and writing still so when I come back to more frequent posting be prepared for some more insights into my life and thoughts and maybe me flossing a new laptop!! Peace!!

• I'm quitting blogging (&Why I blog)

  Posted: November 12, 2010, 3:19 am by cdohnio

  Yesterday I had a security breach on the laptop I use to write the posts I put up for you. No, my posts for you aren’t so important that someone would spend their time trying to hack my laptop trying to steal them as creative secrets(Though to me they are) and anyway the laptop is never connected to any network.
  

  BREACH!!!!

  
  
  Yeah, a friend of mine found one of the posts I had written for posting some day. The way she found it was kinda suspicious. She asked if she come to my room and use my laptop for 5 minutes. I, at the time clueless, just thought she wanted to use it for programming or something. You see, not many of my classmates have laptops yet despite being computer science students but I suspect next semester most will.
  
  When she got to my room she sat at the table, laptop turned away from me. Then I noticed that she wasn’t really typing anything but rather seemed to be looking for something. Three minutes later she was done and she didn’t look too amused, she looked sad and rather angry (I can read faces really well…I think) She left my room without saying much.
  
  I had suspected she knew that the post was there and a little checking I confirmed that she did (She tried to hide the evidence but I found a relatively simple way to see what she was looking at) She doesn’t know it’s a post or that it was going on the web. What I didn’t, and still don’t, know is how she knew it was there. I’m not in the habit of lending out the laptop, though I have, and I thought my roomie wouldn’t allow just anyone to do what ever on it. Obviously someone had access to my stuff.
  
  Thing that bugs me is that I don’t know who told her. Yeah, its probably my fault for being so lax with security of my documents but still WTF??!!!! Who goes around reading randomly lettered documents? It had a name like lkjh. I only have this laptop on loan from my cuzo so I can’t just install whatever on it. So in that light I’m quitting blogging.
  
  

  Yeah, that right! I quit blogging!

  So that this isn’t a doom and gloom type post I’m adding a post I should have done a long time ago: Why I started blogging and why I do it
  
  I started blogging first of all to prove that I could. A friend of mine started a blog and flossed about it to me, how he was “ahead” in these things. I told him starting a blog ain’t really a big deal and immediately went out to prove it. My first blog was on Opera (No you can’t read it and I ported all the posts here anyway. The first post is here). I’m rather proud to note that my friend doesn’t blog anymore while I still do.
  
  I started blogging because I wanted to be in the paper. You know for the celebrity. The first blog I saw, or rather noticed, was @savvykenya’s Dairy of a Kenyan Campus Girl. I saw her blog featured in the only of our Friday magazines and thought”I wanna be here too” While my work has been featured in the paper(the same one) my blog hasn’t yet.
  
  I blog because I have something to say. I write about anything and everything I feel about. I use this blog as part diary, part soap box, part venting spot and part noise making joint. I write about the stuff I hear and see, that I feel and experience. Some things maybe stupid, nonsensical or just plain boring but I always feel that you need, or may want, to know about it.
  
  I blog to entertain. I don’t know if I’m a writer, I don’t think I am. Calling myself that feels like being a pretender to the throne or something. You know like a wannabe. While I may not be a writer I always try my best to write stuff in a way that makes it worth your while reading, in a way that entertains, keeps you at the edge of your seat and all that. I do think that I’m getting better with each post. I read on writing skills and stuff when ever I can. I also read other people’s blogs to get a better feel for writing.
  
  I blog because it’s fun. I like writing. I never thought that I could write stuff, didn’t like composition much in high school, but here I am one like my 50th post or something. I like that you read what I write. Every time I go check stats on my posts I see digits, not high ones but digits non the less, and that gives me massive high, a thrill that you care enough to check out what ever I decide to write for you( Btw since I started this blog, about 10 months, I’ve had over 5000 hits and about 1000 visitors, yay me!!)
  
  I blog because you care. Really there’s once I asked if you really gave a damn about what I said(among other stuff) and the resounding answer was yes. You comment on my posts. Because you care and I don’t want to disappoint you I blog.
  
  I blog to learn. Really I’ve learnt so much from here it’s staggering. Just read this and you’ll know what I’m talking about.
  
  I blog to meet new people. While this may be more because of twitter than this blog I doubt that I’d know half the people I do know there if it wasn’t for this blog. I’ve made several new friends because of it.
  
  I blog because it enables me to do awesome stuff. I can’t really explain this one but I’ve done some things I wouldn’t have been able to with out this blog. Really.
  
  There several other reasons I can’t really think of now but are still there. There was time a while back that if someone asked my profession I’d probably think, not say never say, blogger because of all the time I spent thinking about it and writing.
  
  So, my friends this is the last post you’ll be seeing from me. At least for a very long time (I love blogging too much to go for my own good) until I get my own laptop I can do whatever with and never have to worry if it’ll be here next week. A laptop I can be selfish with. One that I can blog from in peace. One which I don’t have to sit with posts forever because I can’t add them to the drafts. So can’t even tell you when I’ll be back because I don’t know when I get a laptop but when I do you’ll know there’ll be posts galore, because while I’m stopping posting, I won’t stop writing(I’ll be more cautious). I still be around, I may drop a post here, there and elsewhere and I can always be found on twitter(@cdohnio). But for now, peace!!!

• Busted!!!

  Posted: September 23, 2010, 5:39 pm by cdohnio

  Hey y'all! Yes, I already have another post for you already! I don't know how long this momentum will maintain but recently I keep finding more and more stuff to write about. Also I really don't have to much to do in the evenings because well the assignments haven't really kicked in. So for now I have much to write.
  
  The other weekend my cousin, yes the one featuring in the last post and one before it, invited his girlfriend from home to school,with her sis, who he was trying to hook me up with.
  
  
  They came just after 2 and since they had not had lunch we decided to take the to the school mess, which due to the 'late' hour had already shut down. So we had to take them to one of the many places that have names like Hill hotel and Hotel but really they're just cafes.
  
  So we went to the closest one, I wanted us all to sit at the same table but my cousin insisted that we sit at separate tables couple-couple. Idiot!!(You'll see why soon)
  
  So while we were eating, things with ummm lets call her L were going very well btw, I noticed that L's attention was shifting between the counter and her sister so I looked over my shoulder towards the counter and who do I see there? Previously mentioned papped fresha and Leon, who looked to be trying to explain to her what was going on, and failing! I glanced at L's sis and she was also looking suspiciously at them. It was all I could do from laughing.
  
  Of course, I didn't pay them too much attention. If he was going to get away with this he didn't need my attention otherwise he's girlfriends, the both of them, would've know something was up.
  
  I don't know how he explained his way out of it but somehow he emerged relatively unscathed though visibly shaken from the ordeal. I just laughed at him, hard. I personally find it funny that he actually cheated and then got caught, I mean why do it anyway? It's just an unnecessary risk. You already know some of my thoughts on unfaithfulness. This is just something I found so hilarious. And I tried to tell him it'd be better to sit together but he insisted, right? Idiot, just like I said:-D Peace!

• Fresha papped!!

  Posted: September 22, 2010, 8:17 pm by cdohnio

  I wrote this a while back but my phone mem-card decided it's misbehaving and got a virus or bug of some sort and I had to format it. And this post was on it so I had to write it again which I'm sure it'll not be as awesome as when I first penned it but know I'll try my best.
  
  
  So my cuzo came to room about a week ago with what I saw as both shocking and awesome news! The girl he was aiming for, the one I told you about before, had ingia'd box(That's to say she was really feeling his vybe, hey half my audience is actually from the US). Yup she had been papped!!:-D Of course I was happy and proud because as far as I could tell at the time he was setting pace for all freshas. Most freshas are still keeping to themselves looking as confused and lost as ever.
  
  But he went on to tell me something even far more interesting than her ingia'ing box. That things with her were going to well she was going to wash his clad the next day. I was like WTF!!!!!!!??? When!? How? He even goes on to add that it was her who suggested it.
  
  To say I was shocked would be an slight understatement. But it got me thinking of something I've noticed here on campus. I was come back from one of my lesson and I notice the guy two doors down from me, his room door is wide open and loud music, Westlife, booming through it but what was interesting was who was listening to them and what she was doing.
  
  She was hard at work scrubbing and mopping the floor of the room. Get this: my hostel is all boys, in fact the nearest girls hostel is almost 1km away(much to my annoyance). I didn't think much about it until the next day, I see another girl vigorously washing clothes outside another hostel and all the clothes were guy clothes. And then my cuzo comes and tells me this and it got me thinking.
  
  All the girls I know, and I'd like to assure it's no small number, there's not a single one who I can imagine doing anything like washing her dude's clothes or cleaning his room. In fact most, like my sis, would laugh at you so hard for asking you'd never dare again.
  
  So this brings me to the stuff I've been asking myself, where the fuck do these girls come from? I mean where have they been hiding all my life? And no it's not a village thing or something like that some of these girls live in the capital and other major cities and have gone to some of the better schools in our country. So really why would these girls do all this for relationships that probably won't last?
  
  I asked around and it's not just on this campus, apparently elsewhere they cook and wash dishes. And I actually have a friend who expects everything to be split half half. If she cooks, you're cutting the tomatoes and onions. Uh and you'll probably wash that plate you ate on. The main question here is, what makes these girls so different? And is all the equality and independent, strong willed women thing a load of crap blown way out of proportion? Let me know in the comments and on twitter because for real, I'm confused. Peace!!!

• Guest post: Sunset

  Posted: September 16, 2010, 8:50 pm by cdohnio

  This is a short story written by one of my best friends. It's my very first guest post so I look at it as part of the growth of my blog. You know showing that other people don't mind their work appearing here and actually might appreciate it being put up. Look out for another guest post soon!! 
  
  
  Sunsets always brought out the beauty I wanted to see. Every day, the sunset looked different to me. That day, I had been looking at the sunset for a really long time. As the sun continued to set, I saw everything in a new light. It was the most beautiful blend of colors ranging from orange to pink and just the lightest touch of purple. It reminded me of him and what he meant to my life.
  
  
  
  I looked into his eyes and all I could see was my life. And in a few moments that is all that I would have. His grip on my hand was tighter than anything I had ever felt before. My heart felt much tighter but the pressure on my hand came as a welcome distraction. Here, before my eyes, was our life flashing past, clip after clip after endless clip. It was over. There was nothing I could do to change it.
  
  The doctor walked into the room, with his stethoscope hanging across his neck. My husband’s chart was in his hands. I feared raising my eyes to meet his. It seemed like my fate was sealed. If I had enough courage to look at him, I could have seen the small furrows on his forehead as he looked at the chart. I tried to ignore him but there was this elephant in the room that neither of us was talking about.
  
  My husband held my hand tighter. I look down at him. A thin film of perspiration had formed on his skin. His eyes were shouting for attention. I brushed away his hair from his forehead and planted a light kiss on it. My arms wanted to go around him. I wanted to feel that sure embrace. I wanted the assurance that he was still strong enough to make love to me. I wanted this to be over.
  
  The doctor called for my attention. He asked me to meet him in the hallway. I stepped out of the room into the well lit bright hallway. The doctor turned to me. We had made a promise that he would tell me the truth from the get go.
  
  He laid the cards on the table. The heart was slowly giving way. The next few hours were all I had left. All we had left.
  
  My eyes rose to me face as the tears rolled down in two steady streams. My shoulders shook from the sob that raked my body from the tips of my toes to the ends of my hair. I felt my knees give way. I was lying on the floor. My mouth moved and out came words that even I could not understand. The only thought that went through my brain is this could not be happening. It could not be over. Not like that. Not that simply. No. It couldn’t be.
  
  I had to get myself together. His last moments had to be memorable. His last breath had to be peaceful. He could not see me like this. I felt the last tears as they drained out of my eyes. I felt the doctor’s strong arm help me up. He handed me his handkerchief. I passed the white square piece of cloth across my eyes. I blew my nose so hard, it didn’t feel like mine anymore. One last breath for composure found me opening the door to the room.
  
  This room had been my home for one week but I felt like I had been here for eternity. The tubes running all over the floor, the machines beeping, the windows constantly shut and the smell of clean. My husband held out his hand as he saw me enter. I clasped his hand in mine and raised our hands to my lips. The love I felt for him was growing deeper and deeper. We weren’t done yet.
  
  All our life had been spent moving from one thing to another. Before the wedding was our careers, after the wedding was the children. After the children were the weddings. After the weddings were grand children. Now, here we were, chasing time we had spent. We had spent our lives but at this moment in time, I was looking back. I wish we had spent more time smelling the roses along the path.
  
  He took my face in his hands and looked deep into my eyes. His mouth started moving. He told me of his deep love and how he knew I was his from the first moment we met. He told me that he was honored to have brought life into this world with me, that he had been honored to stand by my side through the mountains and the valleys. He did not have to tell me he loved me. I could feel it from every moment we spent together.
  
  My tears started to roll down my cheeks. I told him that I loved him more than life itself. Though I had felt unworthy of his love when we had begun, he had showered me with it day after day. I told him that the sun rose and set on him. He was my violin, my rose, my better half. All of him was more than enough for all of me. I held his hand and bent down to place that last kiss on his lips. I felt him use the last of his strength to kiss me back. I had to savor this moment.
  
  The machines came alive. There was beeping left and right. The nurse stormed into the room and gave me the look that said “move away”. She went straight to the machine and tried to make sense out of it. She then ran out to call the doctor. The doctor came in and placed his fingers at my husband’s throat. He looked at his watch and declared the time of death.
  
  I knew I wanted to cry. He was gone. Then it dawned on me. Life was better because he had been at my side. All the memories of the years gone by were enough to sustain me in the days I had left to lead. It was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. It was in that moment that I knew that I was at the right place. This was where I was meant to be.
  
  The End
  
  
  I hope you liked it! If you did, or didn't, let me know in the comments. I, and I'm sure my friend, would love to know your thoughts. Peace!!
  

• Campus and music

  Posted: September 2, 2010, 8:30 pm by cdohnio

  Too soon to be doing another post? Have you even fully digested the last one? It's okay you can read both of them! Right? Anyway I'm in my room at about 10.30pm, not really trying to sleep but in bed none the less, phone in my hand and it hits me there's a lot of noise in the background.
  
  I pause to listen and I hear about 4 different sources of music and sound all seemly competing to overpower the rest.
  The dude across from my room is listening to traditional Luyha Christian choir songs, some dude up the hall is booming his favourite rhumba and lingala tracks while his neighbour watches an action movie at max volume. Two doors down from me is some playing what seems to be a Hip hop mix and further down opposite some is listening to reggae/ragga.
  
  What is unfortunate is that some of this music is headache inducing for me, especially the Luhya Christian songs from my closest neighbour! Someone, please kill me now! I feel like committing suicide!*Pulls out sumarai sword and stabs himself in the heart and twists, honourable like*
  
  Why, you might ask, am I not booming my own music? Well all I carried, electronics-wise, when coming was my phone. But wait, just wait, when I finally set up my noise making devices they'll rue the day they inadvertently declared war on my poor ears. Hard and metal rock until they come and beg me to stop! I can tell that they won't like it, so few people do. I can't wait *rubs hands in glee*
  
  

  I can't wait until I can launch this on everyone on campus. MAX VOLUME!!

  All this ranting actually brings me to the point of this post. While I may hate the music being played it made my realise something; I had previously assumed that most people my age listen to certain types of music; hip hop, locals, reggae and ragga & similar styles while the rest was old people music but it seems the taste of my generation is as diverse as the people of the world.
  
  Some of us are tall, short, fat, thin, black, blue, yellow, red, white, brown-eyed, blue-eyed, gay, sraight or bi and others yet asexual but somehow we learn to live together just as I'm learning to live with the noise of other people's horrible taste in music:). Learn to live with your brother's(and sister's) choices and tastes! Peace!

• The first campus post!:)

  Posted: September 1, 2010, 8:47 pm by cdohnio

  Okay ladies and gentlemen! This is the very first post coming direct from my campus!! The first campus-post! Yeah I joined campus, finally, in Maseno! It's written in two parts, the first were the thing's written on the first day I arrived in the morning and mostly on the registration line. Everything else was after! This is not conclusive, I'm still organising my thoughts, but it'll have to do until I can give you something more solid. Hopefully this means a return to more regular blogging for me!*Fingers crossed*
  
  
  
  
   Part1
  The next 4 years of my life began with a bodaboda ride into the Siriba compus. Only to join the reegistration line. Note that it's about 7.30, I can't believe the line is this long! Crap!
  
  Still on the line, I've noticed the line for the girls is far shorter than that of the boys at least for the faculty of science.
  
  Standing here in the line, still, I'm noticing that the sun is about to rise above the trees that are protecting us for it and looking at the speed at which the line is moving I'm going to be cooked, well-done, scratch that I'm going to be burnt, before I register.:(
  
  Another thing to be noticed from here is the girls in the faculty of Arts look so so much hotter than those in Science.
  
  Shock! There a girl here report who's already preggas! The hell!?? I always thought that people'd wait for the last year of school. But I guess a head start isn't bad
  Part2
  So I've now spent almost 2 weeks on campus and what do I have to report?
  
  Not much really, life really just goes on I guess. I can tell you though school can be rather boring if you have nothing to do or something to entertain you. Infact the first week has been like that boring because the continuing students hadn't reported yet.
  
  My random acts of kindness count has enjoyed a dramatic climb! So many continuing students have been crashing in my room(my room mate was late) or leaving their bags with me for safe keeping and shit.
  
  Also they told me stories of how continuing students scramble for the fresha girls(What me and my cuzo call Fresha Pap!!*snap fingers*) and the tactics they use. Apparently game has very little to do with anything. What matters is the music system in your room, laptops and other physical posessions. I personally wouldn't like to be with a girl just coz she likes what I have (bought with daddy's money), would you?
  
  Still on that I meet this girl here, but just before we reported so atleast I had a slight head start against the rest of my year. She's not really my type, she seems the type to be papped!*snapping fingers* But she's an in to one of the girls hostels and through her I've met several, far more interesting, chics. Yes I'm selfish like that.
  
  While on the topic of chics I'm on a no ulterior motives vybe, been on it for several months. I no longer vybe chics with the goal of being more than friends with them. I find it makes for much less stress.
  
  The first years have some in all types of dressing styles but I'm more interested in the people who dress in some seriously shady styles. There's this one girl in my class who wore a skirt(length: past the kness), sports shoes and socks written USA! I swear I almost colapsed! Who does that? I'm sure if @nanciellah saw her she'd have died! But I'll keep an eye on her to see how school might influence her clothing choices in the future.
  
  Well all in all I can say that school looks like it'll be one of my more interesting experiences! Stay tuned for more campus tales and others, soon! Peace!
  
  Overheard:
  Ng'arisha maisha na fresha
  90 freshas in 90 days
  Jikonect na fresha
  
  Feel free to add anything else you've heard, peace!!

• I'm seeing a shrink

  Posted: August 22, 2010, 3:58 am by cdohnio

  So remember my weird really pissed of post, the one I wouldn't allow y'all to comment on? And remember I said I wanted to see a psychiatrist but couldn't seem to get to it? Well at the pressing of one of my dearest friends I finally got round to doing it.
  
  Yeah, some weeks back I went to see one in a very informal type meeting. Her phone kept ringing and I also kept tweeting. My friend was there also I guess for moral support and its was in a public place not I some office where you lie down and talk incessantly about yourself and your feelings.
  
  
  Infect the shrink did lot of talking and asking me questions that I sometimes couldn't properly answer. Well it was merely an evaluative session, And at the end of it she told me what she thought was going on with me also she had some tests for me to take. I can't remember their proper names but one was called the Heart test.
  
  So from this session I can finally tell you what's been up with me. My shrink tells me that I'm very angry. She told me that I need to find a way to deal with the anger and stop bottling all my feelings and stuff or I'll explode sooner or later. She also said it was a good thing I saw a shrink before I could explode.
  
  It almost happened once in church one day. I wanted to shout at the pastor because I was so angry at what he was saying. Weird, right? I had to leave the church for a few minutes before I could sit calmly again. What's so scary is that the church was packed! What could posses me to even want to shout at anyone like that?
  
  Also after the shrink gave me the test she deduced that I was also mildly depressed, which kind of shocked her. I guess the anger must have been more prominent. Do you guys those of you who've meet me think or see the anger?
  
  I'm to see her again soon. She said that I need to change my mind set and she could help with that. I hope she can I really don't like feeling this way, it can't be health! Don't worry on this one you can comment. I want to hear what you have say so pleased do.  O and for those of you who've been missing me on twitter I think I'm making my come back today! Peace!

• I was fifth!!!:)

  Posted: August 20, 2010, 4:18 am by cdohnio

  Hey guys! It's been a minute hasn't it? I'm sorry I've been dealing with some issues so I wasn't doing much of anything. Did you guys notice that the Kenyan Blog contest ended recently?(Okay not so recently! I've been gone for quite a while and I'm not even quite sure if I'm coming back yet, sorry?) Well it is and you'll never guess where I placed! I was fifth that isn't bad for a relatively new blog is it?
  
  So I had envisioned a whole acceptance speech dancing around my head from the very minute I heard of the contest. I thought I'd place better than 5, I guess that was my arrogance and pride there, I told you before that I believe that I'm the best in everything I do, anyway since I placed fifth and that my "opponents" where far more experienced and mature than me I'm still very proud of myself and will regal and probably bore you with a thank you speech.
  
  ----------------------------------------------------Speech begins-----------------------------------------------------
  Ladies and Gentlemen,
  I, cdohnio, have placed fifth in the inaugural Kenya Blog Contest and the Action category. As young as I am at blogging. you my distinguished readers have dimmed me fit to place so highly in this prestigious competition.
  
  By ranking me so high, so soon, you have shown me that you value what I have to say to you here. That my writing do serve some purpose. That you like my writing. You have, and you may not realise it, put upon my young shoulders certain expectations that I feel the need to live up to. I now have to live up to your expectations and I promise to do so to the best of my ability.
  
  I can't leave without saying yes I voted for myself, so maybe this ranking isn't as well deserved, but I feel no shame about it. Also I could have rigged the poll but I thought better of it and instead asked you to do it for me. *Smile and wait for laughter to die*I can't tell if you did or not but if you did you didn't really do a good job of it! If you need help maybe you should have come to me for advice next time.
  
  Finally I'd like to thank the following people for all their help; @dealy_halo, my friend, first follower and blogger for his continual support of this blog, @savvykenya my sometimes muse, role model and friend, @joliea probably the most frequent commentor here, I doubt you could find a post where she has commented and for that I'm eternally grateful.*Tear up here* I'd like to thank each and every one of my readers!*more tears, go Chris Brown on them* I love you all!! *Blow kisses while leaving the stage*
  ------------------------------------------------------Speech ends-----------------------------------------------------
  
  That was fun, even though it's for the 5th place! But still 5th place is awesome! I really never thought I'd place that well without rigging the polls myself:) Catch y'all next post. Peace!!!
   
  Someone, @greatrnk, actually took the time to come up with a list. I've added it so you can really get the perspective of my awesomeness! It turns out I managed to also get top 10 overall!!! I was number 9! YAAAYYYY!!!! I feel another speech coming on! But let me spare you!:) so here it is, congrats to all those who did better than me and for those who came after me :-P suck one it!! You do better hext time!
  
  Top 10 Blogs as Voted by You:1. The Greatrnk2. RaymondChepkwony3. Wamathai4. MgangaGenge5. DiaspoRadical6. The Diary of a Kenyan Campus Girl7. The Fashion Notebook8. The Lily Review9. Private Thoughts of a Young Kenyan10. Diary
  Again, peace!!!

• The girl called Mich

  Posted: August 6, 2010, 8:23 pm by cdohnio

  This post is for a girl called Mich. She's someone extremely special to me and since she's so special she gets a post all for herself! One of my very first posts was about her, back then I called her M but now I have her permission to use her name.
  
  
  So why is Mich so special? Well first of all she's one of the one of the few people I know to consciously decide not to be affected by my charm. I found that intriguing and went out of my way to make friends with her. After I changed her mind about being charmed by me I found out a lot about her. I always thank God that she refused to be charmed by me otherwise we may never have become the great friends we are now.
  
  She's a smart, funny, easy to talk to and she gets me. Somehow when I'm with her I don't feel the need to carry the conversation. She always has something cool to say about everything and she reads! Yes I mean novels. So few people read anything anymore! I don't know why because books are just awesome! And even though she's like 4 years younger than me I find her more mature than some girls my age.
  
  Did I mention she's beautiful too? But that really is secondary hen it comes to her the primary thing with her is her intellect; you must always have your wit about you when talking to her. I love her:) Really I do, she's one of my closest friends!
  
  Btw sorry to all my regular readers I haven't been updating this blog as regularly as I should! But I think I'm back now:) Look out for another post later today... I think. Peace!

• Another fashion rant

  Posted: July 22, 2010, 5:34 pm by cdohnio

  Okay it's been a while that I've done a post on fashion so today I'm taking the time out of very empty schedule to bless you all with my knowledge. Before we go on, I have no idea why my fashion posts never get any comments even though I'm usually telling you guys the truth as I see it. And I'm always right.:) So know on to the rant.
  
  

  POINTLESS

  Big ass handbags. Yes I've talked about them before and I'm going to do so again. I don't really like them. I don't see the point of someone carrying around a handbag bigger than my bagpack. What is y'all carry in there? As in when I leave the house all I have on me is a wallet and my phone but y'all chuck with a massive hand bag filled with nothing and that time I ask you whether you sleep over somewhere(or planning to be chips'd, apparently they're also called chip funga bags. You might wanna read @savvykenya's post for an explanation) and you say no. SO WHAT THE FUCK YOU NEED A BAG THAT BIG FOR!!
  
  

  UGLIEST shoes ever

  Doll shoes of the plastic variaty. I think they're called sandaks. Okay can anyone honestly tell me if there's an uglier pair of shoes you could wear? As in damn, these shoes go past the blandness of normal doll shoes and take it to another level I doubt any pair other of shoes will ever, in the history of mankind, surpass. as in apart for being generally yawn, they do nothing for your feet (fashion-wise that is). Infact I'll go on to say they positively make your feet look ugly. Some of y'all have ugly feet or rather these shoes make them seem so. I have several reason I hate these shoes but I won't go into them. Just DON'T WEAR THESE SHOES, THEY'RE UGLY!! Wear sandals or slipper if you want to wear comfortable shoes. But in fairness you can go read @Kawiria's defense of these lame ass shoes here.
  
  

  DO NOT carry these in public

  Finally the big one, something that has been bothering me for the better part of this year. Coloured plastic water bottles. Many months ago I was walking through town and noticed this chic walking around with one of these bottles in her hands. I saw also that she had a big ass handbag on the other side and I thought isn't that stupid? Why not put it in the big ass handbag? To make it worse she was carrying it, the water bottle in such a way to show it in prominence like she was showing it off. Cool I let it good as her own stupidity or vanity or what ever. Fast forward to three weeks later and everyone was doing the same thing. Come on why would anyway want to floss something so tacky and cheap? Swinging them around as if to announce to the whole world look I'm healthy I drink water! And it's in such a pretty bottle! Nkt! Idiots, the bloody bottle cost only 300 bob! Stop it! I swear if any of you come to meet me swinging of of these I'll ripped into you so bad you'll question your fashion sense for the rest of your life. Really I DARE YOU! Put it in your big ass handbag, let it have some use and spare me the agony.
  
  Anyway after all that I couldn't just leave you without what I think you should be wearing right? It wouldn't be fair. So here they are: 1. Stockings; these are for me one of the sexiest things you could wear. 2. Platform shoes; I have no idea why these are taking so long to catch on. 3. Three quarter shorts; these are just awesome and edgy. 4. Dresses, the flowing out kind; I don't see many of these around sure way to stand out out and still remain classy.
  
  

  Doesn't this look lovely?

  
  I'm sorry male readers but I have nothing to tell you this time but feel free to suggest to these tips and rants to your wifes(?), girlfriends and sisters, it'll do them a world of good. Anyway I'm done for today, peace!!
  
  
  (Photo credits google images and @Kawiria's blog. Oh and I couldn't spell check it for some reason, sorry:()

• My depression

  Posted: July 20, 2010, 1:16 am by cdohnio

  There's something horribly wrong with me, I've not been feeling good at all emotionally and I'm not sure what it is. For the past one week or so I've been having really weird mood swings. And it's gotten so bad I actually slapped my sis today morning. Yes, she was being unusually unreasonable but still thinking back at it, there where better ways to deal with the situation. Though this isn't exactly the first time I've felt like this this particular bout feels particularly worse.
  
  The last few days I've been have serious variations of my mood. I could start out the day in rather high spirits but at the slightest thing my mood would immediately plunge to severe lows. Sometimes it would be nothing at all just out of no where  I'd just feel down.
  
  But today morning my baby sis was being unreasonable when preparing to go to school; crying and shouting and refusing to dress. I was still asleep but I woke up and told her to behave when she didn't I slapped her once rather hard into submission. She cried but still got dressed with out further hustle. But I was shocked at myself I could've, should've handled it differently.
  
  I'm not sure what's wrong but I think I might be suffering from clinical depression or bipolarism. I don't feel like going into a description of what those might be so I'll leave you to google them. I actually stumbled upon the terms thanks to @sgyreju.(I've learnt a lot from/because of her)
  
  My mum, who of course doesn't know the full extent of this "depression" I told her about because she isn't staying with me told me I should go see a psychologist, or is it psychiatrist or counsellor, at the hospital near my place. She like the only person who knows me better than me.:) & :( Corny, cliché but so very true. The hospital would do the thing free but I've been avoiding it for the last so many months and I'm not so sure why. Maybe I don't want to talk to strangers about what I'm feeling, just pure laziness or I don't want to go alone.
  
  Anyway I'm still haven't decided if I'm going but if this thing, this feeling goes on any longer I'm going to have go give it a try. I really don't like feeling like this and if it's going to be affect my baby sis I'll need to do something soon. I'm sorry for the weird posts, it's just the way I feel and I want to be honest with you guys. I'm not going to tweet out this post like I usually would and I'm turning off the comments; I don't really want to hear what you have to say. Peace.

• Vote for me!

  Posted: July 15, 2010, 4:17 pm by cdohnio

  @eGichomo recently launched his Kenya Blog Contest asking people to vote for their favourite Kenyan blog. Voting is currently on going and as of the time of writing this post this blog was leading with 33 votes. Thanks guys! However polls will close on 30th of this month after which the winner will be announced. There are three categories:
  Art Award: Recognition and appreciation of poetry. Creativity, choice of words, originality and show of talent.
  Beauty Award: Best layout, design, cool features, attractiveness and finest integration of themes and magnificence.
  Action Award: Pursuit of ingenuity. Most interactive and frequent in content update.
  
  
  We're only under the Action Award category(I don't know why I'm not in the beauty award. I really worked hard on the design and layout of this blog*sulking*) So this is an appeal, an appeal for you to vote for me! Please? I like winning, and I'm sure with your help I can do it! You can vote by clicking on the image now competing for attention with the blog title at top of this page, the vote for me image above or just clicking here. Also be sure to vote for people in the other categories, but only after you've voted for me:). If you know how to rig do so, after all this is Kenya:-D (I just couldn't resist) 30th is a long way away let's hope we still winning then. Here's to me winning. Peace!!
  (Image credit: Google Images)

• Drug Addiction

  Posted: July 14, 2010, 3:01 pm by cdohnio

  Image via WikipediaToday I'm in a weird mood and as always when that happens I do an unusual post. I've been thinking about addiction a lot recently. I'll let you know why in a moment. First definition:
  Drug addiction is a state of periodic or chronic intoxication produced by the repeated consumption of a drug (natural or synthetic). Its characteristics include: (i) an overpowering desire or need (compulsion) to continue taking the drug and to obtain it by any means; (ii) a tendency to increase the dose; (iii) a psychic (psychological) and generally a physical dependence on the effects of the drug; and (iv) detrimental effects on the individual and on society. (Wikipedia)
  
  
  Recently, I was very sick with the flu on some very powerful meds which would cause me to fall asleep within 10 minutes. Yeah, powerful stuff. After a few days on them, it was probably 4 days, I became quite used to to the feeling it gave me when I took it: it was like a comfortable sleepy feeling, it made me feel content and sent me into a rather restful dreamless sleep. I actually began to look forward to taking my meds at the end of the day. When my dose was finally over I actually wanted to continue taking them.:) 
  
  But  the real shocker for me came when something pissed me off one day at home and I became rather depressed because of it. I had finished my dose of cough syrup but some of the medicine still remained. I walked into my room thinking how the buzz the medicine gave me would be perfect right now. I looked at the bottle, and it hit me that that was probably the way most drug addictions began wanting to go back to a time when you felt a certain way under its influence. Or maybe just to escape what you are feeling at that particular moment.
  
  
  Until then I had found drug addiction something mildly interesting or rather amusing. I had never given it much thought but I thought only a fool would allow something that destructive to get control of him but now I'm not so sure. I think I'm only now beginning to understand why drug addictions start. Of course there's always those influenced by peer pressure but others may just be doing it to escape their reality, their feelings, trying to get to a place where they're comfortable.
  
  
  Even as I realised all this I still consider taking a dose of the medicine. The buzz was calling and I longer for the feeling it could give. I picked up the bottle stared at it for a few minutes, realised how stupid it would be to do it. I put down the bottle and laughed aloud at my thoughts. But later I noticed I still carve it a little bit, other time I just felt like have a drink and realised that this might be more serious than I thought. And I began to ponder it and came up with the thoughts I shared with you already.
  
  
  While coming up with this post and reading wikipedia for minor research I saw a description that best describes what I felt and what it could have become:
  Drug habituation (habit) is a condition resulting from the repeated consumption of a drug. Its characteristics include (i) a desire (but not a compulsion) to continue taking the drug for the sense of improved well-being which it engenders; (ii) little or no tendency to increase the dose; (iii) some degree of psychic dependence on the effect of the drug, but absence of physical dependence and hence of an abstinence syndrome [withdrawal], and (iv) detrimental effects, if any, primarily on the individual.(Wikipedia) 
  ALSO
  Psychic dependence is defined as a state in which "there is a feeling of satisfaction and psychic drive that requires periodic or continuous administration of the drug to produce pleasure or to avoid discomfort.(Wikipedia)
  
  
  Anyway don't freak out...too much. I just wanted to share this with you to see what you think. Have you really thought about addiction and how it starts? Ever fought some form of it? Or do you know of anyway who has? Let me know what you're thinking in the comments. And remember those in society suffering from drug and substance addiction, pray for them. Peace!

• Drop the world...

  Posted: July 9, 2010, 7:47 pm by cdohnio

  Lil' Wayne via last.fmI've got ice my veins
  Blood in my eyes
  Hate in my heart
  Love on mind
  I've seen nights full of pain
  Days are the same
  You keep the sunshine
  Save me the rain
  I search but never find
  Hurt but never cry
  I work and forever try
  But I'm cursed so never mind
  And its worse but better times seem further and beyond
  The top gets higher the more I climb
  The spot gets smaller and I get bigger
  Trying to get in where I fit in no room for a nigga
  But soon for a nigga it'll be on mother fucker
  Coz all this bullshit makes me strong mother fucker
  
  These are the lyrics constituiting the first verse of Lil' Wayne's song Drop the World ft Eminem. Lil Wayne is one of my favourite artists and Eminem is my favourite artist. I like this particular song because I feel it describes me perfectly past, present and hopefully future.
  
  So what do I mean by this let me give you an example:
  
  Hate in my heart
  Love on mynd
  For real I have hate in my heart for my dad, step mum and life. I tired of all their bullshit. I think its a big part of me now. There was a time it actually consumed me. It made my think dark murderous thoughts. It made me think of slow painful revenge. Of power and using it to punish people. Don't worry its mostly gone now!:)
  
  I think about love alot. A while back I could feel it all around me, or atleast I believved I did. I felt it from my family, friends and even people I met. These days I don't feel it as much. Only the really "strong" one, you know the type that come from direct family - brother, sisters, mother and one of my grandmas. From anyone else I don't feel it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I know its there I just don't feel it anymore. Anyway I find it ironic that the love is in my mind not my heart.
  
  The rest of the lyrics also apply to me in other ways but I just wanted to talk about those two lines. Yes I feel broken. So what? Don't worry too much. Anyways as always peace!!!
  
  (Bloody claim token: SRCVE9X49GNE don't pay much attention to it)
  

• Dear cdohnio... (letter to my 13 year old self)

  Posted: July 7, 2010, 6:16 pm by cdohnio

  Yesterday @Chiira tagged me in one of his posts, "To thirteen year old me", and that tasked me to write a letter to the thirteen year old me. Wow, 13 years old, that was a good year. It was a handful of years back. Hmmm...so what would I say to myself?
  
  Hey young padawan!
  
  How you doing? Yeah, I know it's a little weird to be reading a letter from yourself but think of this: I know what's going to happen to you and how you can avoid it;)
  This year you joined form 1, good for you! You did well in your exams! You only failed Kiswahili, and yes I know you expected that but if you plan to do any better KSCE get your shit together! Don’t worry you that didn't get the highest in maths, you only missed it by two, you're still a genius and in the coming years you'll prove it severally.
  It’s unfortunate I'm the one to tell you this but you are currently in the eye of the storm, everything seems so calm right now but the force of it is still coming. What I’m talking about? Well for starts you go to a crappy boarding school! Yeah, you don’t think it happens but it does. But that isn’t the worst; your parents will get divorced and that comes with it own problems but as always you’ll deal with the best you can. So why am I tell you this? Apart from preparing you for what’s to come, I need you to try enjoy the coming years as much as possible you’ll thank yourself later!
  Yeah still on enjoyment can you go out and vybe the ladies! Even when you change schools (You took a year’s break, what the hell?) I know you’ve got game!(I mean you’re me, how can you not?) And by that I mean stop with the charming of all girls and get a bloody girlfriend!!! How can I be my age and not have been in a relationship yet? Dude!!! Come on! So how about instead of spreading the love you focus on one?
  Probably the last thing, you and Debbie are getting really close, right? If not you will! Dude that chick is HOT!!!!(Even here in my time) Can you get with her already? She likes you, you know it and you don’t do shit?!?! What the fuck?? I know you’re telling yourself that your bidding your time but you lost her because of it! GROW SOME BALLS AND TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL! Do it today! Or rather as soon as you start getting really close! Because if you don’t she’ll taunt you every week with her beauty.
  Don’t worry about it too much though because if you fail for some unknown reason –I can’t see why though, you’re me, we don’t fail…much- you’ll discover something about her that will effectively put you off her for good! Blame Vic, he put thoughts in your head that just changed your perspective on her. Idiot!!
  I know I said last thing way back but you’ll soon realize when you actually sit down to write in the future you just don’t know where to stop. I remember I wrote (you haven’t done it yet, though) a seven paged letter to some one! You just went on and on! Good lord I shudder looking back at that because it was sent to someone who didn’t appreciate that you taken time to write to her.
  You and Vic are going to have plenty of fun times in the years coming, charming girls, dreaming of the future, rumour starting, fighting and dissing people almost to tears! Cherish those times because you’ll lose him sooner than you know. I missing him right nowL. Don’t worry he didn’t die so don’t start flipping!
  Anyway I should stop now, I have a lot to say you but I don’t really have time or the words to so this is the end. Remember: Do Debbie, have as much fun as possible, keep taking risks and continue to laugh at yourself because it’s the only way you’ll get through what’s coming. You’re awesome!
  Cheers, (Would’ve used love but we both know how much we love ourselves)
  
  
  
  
  
  P.S: You know you started a blog? Yeah, it’s awesome, so if you could get a head start on it that would be super!P.S.2: Get started on the extra curricular activities now because the time you’ve planned for them gets disrupted by boarding! Yeah, it sucks ass!P.S.3: Some idiots in your class in the beginning of the year some idiots will laugh at you saying they’re cleverer than you for getting higher K.C.P.E scores but you’ll silence them with the first exam and your crappy Kiswahili scores(really you should work on this) 
  
  
  Continuing in the tradition I here by tag : @Sgyreju of Rainbow Amoeba's Petri Dish , nobodyouknow of Everything About Nothing and finally @deadly_halo of Life within my Halo. Mad shout out to @chiira for tagging this young one in his post! Got something you wanna say? Do it in the comments. Peace!!

• Looks are deceiving (Random Acts of Kindness pt2)

  Posted: July 6, 2010, 5:16 pm by cdohnio

  This is the follow up post on Random Acts of Kindness in which I promised to say something more about this incident:
  Once I was walking down the steps of the brigde at Posta City Square when this old lady, some way a head of me, dropped her bag and it rolled down the steps. I watched expecting someone to give her a hand and pick it up for her but no one did. I waited for a bit but nothing. I had to get ahead of her and picked it up for her. She was already carrying a lot and if she had bent to pick up that bag she might have dropped a lot more.
  
  So a few days after this happened I happened to catch a conversation on radio about how women dress and whether that should be the thing that attracts people most to a girl. Whether a girl should judged on what she's wearing. One person said that he doesn't care what's on the outside only the inside. And I thought what bullshit! Let me explain.
  
  I'm a looker. What does that mean? It means that while I'm walking on the street I'm constantly letting my eyes wander (not that way, keep you thoughts clean) looking at everyone who I pass on the street. I do this for fun and to appreciate the beauty thats around me, there's a lot to be seen btw, and on the rare times I see a well dressed mamasita (most girls dress well but I'm talking of stunning here) I notice that I immediately get assumptions about her, where she stays, her voice and what it'd be like to know her.
  
  My point being is that we always form opinions based first on what we see so to say that you only judge someone based on what's inside is just bullshit to me.
  
  Anyway back to this lady and her fallen bag. I picked it up for her and as I handed it back to her I noticed that she was dressed rather shabbily and her odd assortment of bags she was carrying were rather dirty. I didn't think much about it until I saw her the next day sitted some place on the bridge, begging. That's when it hit me thats why no one helped her because she was a begger and shabbily dressed. I was disgusted at Kenyans (at least the ones on the bridge that day) These are the same people who will tell you that "I don't look on the outside what's inside is what matters" BULLSHIT!!!
  
  Maybe I'm assuming wrong, perhaps there were other reasons that people just passed the lady but I can't find a valid one for not taking 5 BLOODY SECONDS to pick up her fucking bag and give it back to her! NKT!! I'm even getting angry writing this so I'm going to stop. Remember to always take time to help someone! Comments always welcome. Peace
  
  (Image credit: Google images)

• Random Acts of Kindness

  Posted: July 5, 2010, 2:38 pm by cdohnio

  Today's post is a simple one. As the title suggests its all about acts of kindness that I've seen and or done in this great nation of ours, Kenya. I've had the opportunity to interact with several people in my still young life and I hope to interact with several more. One thing I've realised is that the way we treat the people can and probably will affect us and the person for some time to come.
  
  While this post is about kindness, I feel it would be unfair not to include this; the way one person in an institution treats a person may determine how someone feels about it for the rest of their lives. I'll forever take this to heart as I go through life and when I start my own company.
  
  Anyway onto the random acts of kindness:
  
  I'm travelling on a KBS with my boy N, randomly the conductor came and started talking to us, then he let me play with his ticket thing. He was cool, funny and probably high but I'll always remember him when ever I choose to get on to a KBS rather than a Citi Hoppa (which has horrible customer service)
  
  Once I was walking down the steps of the brigde at Posta City Square when this old lady, some way a head of me, dropped her bag and it rolled down the steps. I watched expecting some one to give her a hand and pick it up for her but no one did. I had to get ahead of her and pick it up for her. She was already carrying a lot and if she had bent to pick up that bag she might have dropped a lot more. (More on this on a post tomorrow)
  
  I've been to a few government offices and other private ones this year, JAB, Helb, some public unis and the City Hall just to mention a few. And at most of them I've been treated so well I've been left with a deep respect for the whoole institution. Every time I've been treated with respect I've left the office smiling because it always feels good (and kind of shocking) to be treated so well. Mad props to Maseno Uni, JAB and more recently City Hall. JKUAT has had the most pathetic relations so far.
  
  When was the last time you gave blood? I did recently and was informed that I had helped save three lives. I've donated blood about 4 times so that comes to a total of 12 lives. How many lives can you say you've saved? Donating blood is something that takes only about 30 mins max. And you get a card that shows you did a good deed and that you don't pay for blood if ever (God forbid) you should need it. I have no idea why so few people donate blood.
  
  Anyway this list isn't exhaustive of the acts of kindness that I've witnessed or taken part in but I felt I needed to put this shortlist to remind you, my readers, that we should all be on the look out to take part in these simple acts of kindness. Help that lady find her way somewhere (did that recently) you never know where that might one day take you. Even if it doesn't give you any direct benefit isn't it enough to know that you might have single handedly brightened someone's day?
  
  So have you witnessed or taken part in a random act of kindness? Let me know in the comments and if I get enough of them I'll do a follow up post on this, featuring your acts of kindness! Oh, and don't forget there's a part2 tomorrow! Peace!!

• Thank YOU!

  Posted: July 2, 2010, 6:55 pm by cdohnio

  This is a new month and with it has come several things to be greatful for! Infact it's because of that I'm doing this post. At the time of writing this I'm feeling very content. Its the night after an awesome event, Wamathai's Spoken Word.
  
  @Wamathai was celebrating the birthday of his poetry and short story blog wamathai.com. There was quite a crowd there! We, i.e Kenyan bloggers, are so very proud of him! He has proved that big things can come from blogging.
  
  I meet so many people there and one of my favouite bloggers was performing, @Savvykenya. I was there to support her and I think I over did it with the shouting and the cheering because someone called me a groupie. Hmmm, that wouldn't be far off but I won;t explain that here or now, maybe in a future post. Did I mention she was in a green dress? I didn't?? Well she looked hot!!
  
  But even she had nothing on on someone who I consider to have been the best dressed of the night, @Joliea. She have on a purple shirt with a pair of fitting 3\4 shorts.(these are becaming increasingly fashionable, perhaps another trend?) She looked stunting! There were other ladies there looking good but for me she stood out. It's unfortunate but I didn't get a picture!
  
  Today's blogpost isn't supposed about Spoken Word, Savvy or Joliea. I just thought I'd mention about something interesting I did this week. It's actually somethig I promised I'd do when something happened.
  
  I don't know how many of you have noticed but I recently clocked 200 follows on twitter! Yeah I know its not much of a big deal but hey its 200!! But even more important is something I noticed last night. Take a look to the left of this post. How many followers do you see? Yeah that's right I HAVE 10 REGISTERED FOLLOWERS of my blog!! That's a big milestone for my blog!!
  
  I'm so proud of myself for actually keeping this blog going for all this time! I can't say it's been easy, wondering wether anyone cares about your opinion or writings, or why there no comments or having analytics show you no one been to your blog the last 7 days(it happened once, stats had flatlined at 0. Almost did an post about it blaming the analytics software obviously:-D) but it has certainly been fun and a learning experience!
  
  So this post is here to celebrate my 200th follower on twitter, @mawazo_mengi, and far more importantly my 10th(public) blog follower, Nancie. I know there several of you who haven't registered but follow through my links on twitter and I'm greatful for you all. This post is for you all, to show my appreciation and say thanks for taking your time to read, to comment and to tell me how much you love my writing because for this blog and for a some part of me, you are the most important people in the whole world! Peace.

• DAWA, The Film at the Goethe Institute

  Posted: June 29, 2010, 2:16 pm by cdohnio

  So yesterday I went for the screening of DAWA at the Goethe Institute right here in Nairobi. It was a free screening and I had time. Its a 9 min independent film shot in Kampala and directed by Mark Kaigwa, a Kenyan. I went there expecting to see, well, I'm not sure, an maybe just okay film but I was pleasantly surprised.
  
  The film is a comedy about, I forget their names because I'm generally horrible with names, so I'll say a man and his grandson, who are small time con men (they do the blind man and helper hustle). The grandson is discontent with the amount of money the blind hustle is giving them and wants to go shags to make some real money.
  
  They go to shags and come up with a brilliant witch-doctor con that would've bagged them 60000 from a real doctor but... Go watch the movie because for me from here is where it really picked up. The twists in the story from here were unexpected, funny and well written and directed. For a 9 min movie it was bloody brilliant! No lie!
  
  For me, and before we go on you should know I'm not a film critic or student so I can't tell you much of the camera work, sound and quality of picture (which I thought were all good by the way), the high points were the story twists and the acting, which to my untrained unpracticed eye were very entertaining.
  
  However, for me, the first askari's (cop) acting didn't really come up to the same level of the rest of the actors level. Also the doctor wasn't as good as an actor as the rest of the crew but he was better than afore mentioned askari. They both could have done better.
  
  This was the very first short film I've ever watched and also the first independent one. And it was. It shows that Kenyan film has great potential to do great things! If we keep producing movies like this, of this quality and professionalism we are in for some greater things in the future.
  
  On that note the 7th Africa Movie Academy Awards (AMAA 2011) are in Nairobi next year and they are currently collecting entries. You can do that and find information about it here. I'm sure Mark Kaigwa will submit his film and I wish him luck! From my point of view it's certainly award worthy. Were you there? Have anything to say? Sound off in the comments. Peace.
  
  (Photo credit, Dawa the film facebook page, slight editing by myself)

• It's the end of Yu and me

  Posted: June 29, 2010, 1:15 pm by cdohnio

  This is a brief continuation from yesterday's post on yu. After all that BS with the internet and customer care they went and made sure they did everything and I do mean everything to completely lose me as a customer!!! Yesterday I was angry now I'm fucking livid!!
  
  On my way to the Goethe Institute, where the film DAWA was showing (More on this in a bit), my credit finished! I was like wow! That was 150bob in one day! I was already looking forward to getting home and changing the accursed line! I went a got myself some credit and loaded it in.
  
  Lo and behold the credit wouldn't load!! And it was bringing a message like: Sorry, there's something wrong with the system? Please try again later. And can we all go with one voice "WHAT THE FUCK!!!?!?!?!" Never mind I was supposed to meet someone(@joliea) through twitter over there but how they just go and cut my from the world like that. I couldn't tweet or facebook or text/call! I felt so disconnected from the world!
  
  Anyway its cool. I'm now the official yu anti-brand ambassador. I'm making it my personal responsibility to stop people from moving to the yu network! Yes I'm that pissed. That is all. Peace
  
  (I can't end this post without crediting @Buggz79 for the title of this post. Hilarious! If you don't get it you're incredibly slow *evil laughter*)

• WTF? Is Yu effing serious?!!!!

  Posted: June 28, 2010, 5:12 pm by cdohnio

  I'm so very angry!!! Let me explain why. Today I'm to twitter and @Mwirigi tweet that Yu(cellular network here in Kenya) data had now increased to sh10/mb. I was naawwwww!!!! Really? Why would they do that!? So I called customer care to find out if things had changed and was informed by a very nice lady that nothing had changed and things were still at sh3/mb. So I heaved a sigh of relief and went about my business.
  But some time around midday my phone begins to have connection probelm and I check my credit and it's at 0.01 I check my data usage and its at 5mb, exactly. So I'm like WTF!!!!! I call customer care and some dude, he'd better thank God I didn't get his name, rudely informs me that data has been at sh10 since April then hangs up! I know!!! I hadn't even finished talking to him!
  
  So here is what I draw from this. Yu has raised their internet connection rates. At sh10/mb they're the most expensive in the country! At this rate I should just go back to Safaricom!!! And they also have the slowest connection in the country! I mean that thing crawls!!!! Slowly! So the only thing they had going for them was cost and they've gone and lost that! Nkt! Second why wasn't I informed of this revision upwards, it is after all the main thing I use them for! And they should know that! This means they've been stealing from me since April!! WTF!!! That's 3 months!! 3 months!!! And I'm a really heavy data user! I should sue!!! Also their customer care sucks!! The second person was positively rude! For a company that is trying to gain market share in an extremely competitive market they can't afford to be rude to one of the most loyal customers and *free* brand ambassadors(me that is).
  
  Anyway this is the end of me and Yu. I'm going back to Zain! At least they're about to launch 3G services soon and even now speeds are decent enough for mobile browsing. In fact I'm so pissed with Yu in calling them to give them a proper piece of my mind!!! I swear!!! NKT! FUCK! Idiots!!! Anyways let me try calm down. Peace!

• Faithfulness - a myth?

  Posted: June 23, 2010, 1:02 pm by cdohnio

  I've been meaning to do this post for a while now but really haven't had the time or energy to do it. Immediately after Barcamp Nairobi I promptly feel sick! Yeah that’s right, I reached home and my flu symptoms went through the roof! I got a fever and headache so I took the next two days off!(Turns out it was a week, this post has been sitting in drafts for some time) So I'm here today back at work (and bored already).
  
  This post is (was?) supposed to be a continuation from my last post and was supposed to have been done last week. I went out with my friends that weekend after Safaricom7s. We went obviously to Westy where we promptly got frozen at every joint we went to! All were asking for ID which we had but after they checked them they'd say 26 and over for dudes! Note: The honeys we were with weren't frozen once! WTF?! What the point of having an ID if you can't even get in to clubs? I always thought that we were given ID specially to let us into clubs and buy alcohol! Stupid idiots! Anyway we managed to sneak into Changes which was CROWDED!!! Everywhere was! It was a great time out!
  
  But that’s not what this post is about today post is about something that happened earlier. While we waited at my boy's house we regaled each other with stories of our past sexual exploits. And of course this story came up because the main actor in it was there (it was his house). Anyway as we went on talking the dude, I called him Tee last time, right? Well he told us that his girlfriend had found out he wasn't being faithful.
  
  
  
  
  He met this girl and she was hot!! But apparently her most defining feature is her massive ass! Also she works out so she's rather lean. Anyway it turns out this girl is best friends with his girlfriend's cousin. Who of course went and told her cousin and she called my boy, Tee, crying and stuff. He told me he has no idea where he got the game to convince her that he was sorry and that he'd never do anything to hurt her again. He said something like he hadn't, until that point, been taking the relationship seriously but promised to do so from then on.
  
  Of course as his best friends we knew better and we all put down bets saying how long he'd last on monogamy lane. I first said 2 months, another said 2 weeks and I revised mine to one week. Guess who was right? Well one week later he was seen with a another girl coming from his house. Of course it can't be confirmed whether anything happened but...
  
  Well that brings me to today's question. What's with people, while I only know guys I mean both sexes, having this inability to remain faithful? Is faithfulness really a myth? I mean it really can't be that hard, can it? I never been in a tempting situation because, well, I've never been in a relationship so I always wonder what would happen if it did happen. Would I hold up? Judging from my friends its impossible.
  Anyway, my thoughts on this? I personally think it's disgusting that people can't remain faithful to their chosen partners. Why choose then? Stay single and do your shit! Why put your partner through that torture? But, hey, what do I know? More educated/experienced people(and anyone else) are welcome sound off in the comments about what you think because this is confusing. Peace!

• TMI?

  Posted: June 21, 2010, 1:56 pm by cdohnio

  
  I know it's been a while since I did a post and I'm sorry. I've been unwell for the better part of the last week so I haven't been going to work, or doing much other than sleep, eat and watch TV. I had been working on a post but I didn't finish it and now I don't know if it'll ever be completed and leave my drafts. Anyway while I've been gone I've been thinking about this blog and the direction I want it take.
  
  So I've been thinking about what I want to share with you guys. When I started this blog I wanted to be able to write what ever I felt like when I felt it but ever time I begin to write a deeply personal post I begin to think of who might see it and what they might think. Also I want to get hits (vain, I know but hey*shrug*) but I want to vent! So I'm kinda torn.
  Also there's the fact that I'm not exactly anonymous. I've met some of you and also some of my friends(who shouldn't know that its me writing) have linked me to here. So now I ask you guys if I write personal stuff here will it affect what you think about me? Of course it will but do you wanna read about it? Or would it be TMI? (too much info) That's today question. Do you really care? Let me know what you think in the comments! Peace!
  (Image sourced from Google search; off this website: http://authorsalacart.com)

• I was mentioned in the paper! :) (And issues emerge)

  Posted: June 8, 2010, 5:30 pm by cdohnio

  This is continuation from yesterday's post, I told you I've been busy and there's much to write about.
  
  
  On Friday I was at work reading the paper, Nation, when I came across the an article on asexuality. Usually I don't read the zuqka, mostly I peruse, prefer the Pulse by far, but asexuality was something I had actually talked about on my blog not so recently so I decided to read what they had to say about it.
  
  Barely two sentences into the article(which already read familiar) I find myself mentioned! Yeah I won't lie...I was over the fucking moon!!!! This was/is the first time I was ever mentioned in the paper and for some of my intellectual work no less(Not because I killed my step mum, commited suicide, or just appearing in some stupid ad :-)) was really gratifying.
  
  Anyway @Joliea, with my permission, asked if she could repost my post and I said yes. So she did, and she had linked her blog with her profile on the zuqka website and they picked it from there. While discussing it on twitter it hit me -and quite a few other people- that I was not properly accreditted in that article -neither was at @Joliea but for her its a little bit more complicated considering she signed up for zuqka- because though my name was mentioned no one could really know that it was this blog in particular.
  
  
  I have a creative commons license, which I wrote about here, that protects my work from copying without accreditation and permission. @Joliea properly accredited my in a fashion I was satisfied with(she mentioned me and linked back to the blog in her post) but the newpaper can't do that (being tangible and what not). So that left me wondering if they should have put it in writing. Hmmm...complex issues I think.
  
  Anyway this is what my license says about what I can do (Taken off the CC wedsite here):
  

  • The Creative Commons Legal Code has been drafted with the intention that it will be enforceable in court.
  • A Creative Commons license terminates automatically if someone uses your work contrary to the license terms. This means that, if a person uses your work under a Creative Commons license and they, for example, fail to attribute your work in the manner you specified, then they no longer have the right to continue to use your work
  • You have a number of options as to how you can enforce this; you can consider contacting the person and asking them to rectify the situation and/or you can consider consulting a lawyer to act on your behalf

  
  
  Don't get it wrong I'm glad the article appeared in paper, I don't blog for money so its not about that, and that post was written to educate and it reaching a wider audience is probably. Its about being properly accreditted for something I actually spent time researching. Anyway @joliea wrote to them and we're waiting to hear back. I hope they do it soon. I wonder what they'll say because I can actually sue... I like that part :) Peace!
  
  
  (you can read the zuqka online article here, you'll notice they still didn't link it and that they just copy pasted it. Lazy, right?)

• Afternoon with @SavvyKenya and the Imagine Cup.

  Posted: June 7, 2010, 5:23 pm by cdohnio

  
  I'm not even sure what to start writing about. So much has happened in the last 5 days and there's much to write about but I think I'll do a separate post for each separate thing. So where to start? Like I said there's much to be talked about, but we'll do it in chronological order starting with Thursday.
  
  So on Thursday I was in the office doing my work as the intern. So I was kinda free and monitoring twitter quite closely and what do I notice there? @savvykenya tweeting about something called the Microsoft Imagine Cup where she was competing. So I asked her what it was about and if they allowed spectators. She said yeah so I decided to take the afternoon off (being an intern does have its benefits though I was asked after :) and go join her there.
  
  So this was the first time I was meeting @savvykenya, but I read her blog and follow her on twitter, so I was rather nervous but I had recently decided to meet as many new people as possible so this was yet another opportunity. So I went!
  
  
  
  The Imagine Cup E.A Regionals this year were being held at the Hilton. It had about 15 or so participants from all over the region, Uganda, Tanzania and obviously Kenya. I couldn't believe so few people attended (forget even participated). I mean there was a fully paid trip to Poland to be won! And laptops! Not to mention the fact that it show cases what could be arguably the best in college and school computing. I saw some brilliant projects and some not so brilliant ones. Anyway I won't go deep into what the competition is about(go read about it here and this is what @savvykenya had to say about it) but it was fun to see some examples of what the Kenya tech scene looks like.
  
  Now on to the main attraction of this post @savvykenya. She's really short!! That's what you notice after you leave her lovely face. She kept me company the whole afternoon and part of the evening. We talked quite a bit. Well, actually we talked though most of the presentations (the sound was really really pathetic! I hope they fix it next year, I'ma be there). She has a really sexy voice btw. You'd never get that from her blog. I also learnt a lot about the blog scene here in Kenya.
  
  Also she's kind. I can't really describe how I could tell that without looking broke but I could tell!:) Wait I can you might never met me, will you? She bought me a bottle of water. Yeah it cost only 35 bob but I was really broke that day! I'm young and work pro-bono, remember? She also took me to meet @sokoanalyst, with whom I had a rather long discussion about local tech and business. I learnt a lot from that discussion.
  
  I'm realising that I'm not mentioning the most important thing about her, she's friendly. Not many people would have comfortably spent the whole day with a total stranger. I like that. I like her. And I hope that we can be great friends going into the future. Yeah this post sounds ummh... I can't find the word right now(fanatical?) but if you're going to hate go suck a...!! Just realised I didn't say this @savvykenya didn't win but then again it had technical issues on that day so you really can't be sure. She tries too stay anonymous so no pictures! I didn't add this yesterday but despite her saying this about hugs she does hug really really well, warm and fuzzy. It helps she has a sizeable pair of boobs >:). Peace!!
  
  
  (Picture taken from @savvykenya's blog. It shows the room where the competition was taking place)

• Life of an Intern

  Posted: June 3, 2010, 3:39 pm by cdohnio

  So I've been an intern for like three weeks now at a small software company called Microlan. So I think I've been there long enough to tell you what life there is like. But first some random info.
  
  There's only one other intern here (Yes I'm blogging from the office:) But I haven't seen him since last Friday(He turned up later) so I'll assume he's quit. There're about 10 employees max. We always start the day with a short devotion; singing, bible verses with some inspirational text and then prayer. The atmosphere is very relaxed (too relaxed in my opinion but hey I'm just an intern, right?). Oh yeah, and I do this pro-bono meaning I'm not paid.
  
  My days here consist of surfing the net, tweeting, facebook and blogging. Mostly. Thats because I'm not really supervised and also that the work I'm given is simple to do. I go for lunch when I feel like and when I take the afternoon off (I just disappear and reappear the next day) I'm not missed.
  
  It also means that I'm not really respected by the full time employees. I've not been shown any direct disrespect but their attitude towards me certainly suggested (it stopped after the first week) that there was something there. Their boss certainly treats us all the same, with respect, and that impresses me immensely.
  
  A day in my intern life might also mean being compless (without a comp) because one of the programmers took your extension because heis work of chatting on some unknown social network (I think its called badoo, ever heard of it?) and checking videos on youtube interrupted of course by him doing some little work is more important than yours. Never  mind that when the boss walks in he always asks me what I'm doing (Not much either).
  
  You get sent by everyone to do everything from buying the boss milk at the kiosk, credit for his PA to more important thinks like paying and picking tenders and checking for land rates at City Hall. By the end of one of these days, they aren't often, thank God, your so bloody exhausted you just wanna collapse on the bed!!
  
  You get to see how people seem so oblivious to  things disappearing in the office. Several hard drives, RAM and DVD-ROMS disappeared from the programmers room and no one seemed to have seen anything. I found that hilarious because I had never seen anyone in that room except the programmers.
  
  Most annoying is that you get given all the tasks the programmers can't or won't do properly. That includes testing their software (we programmers never notice our own mistakes), writing the user manual and brochures for that software (YAWN!!) and testing it again (they never get it right; I almost always point out the same mistakes).
  
  Ofcourse all this doesn't mean I haven't learnt anything. I've learnt a lot about the probelms that a small software firm can face in this our Kenyan environment and I'll be sure to make sure that I correct this when my own company is launched. Shoot off in comments about your intern experiences. It would be good to know I'm not alone. Peace!

• Happy Kenya Blogger's Day (And Madaraka Day)

  Posted: June 1, 2010, 11:12 pm by cdohnio

  Today is Kenya Blogger's Day. I only just remembered, okay that's a lie I've been wondering about it since yesterday, but I've only just confirmed it now. It's also Madaraka Day with my country Kenya celebrating the 47th year of self rule from colonial Britain.
  
  This is the first time I'm able to celebrate this day because I've only been a blogging for about 5 months. My first post was tech related and about the I-pad. Very boring if you don't care much about tech. But since then the blog has evolved into something I write about anything I feel like. The name also changed from Random thoughts... to what it is today, Private thoughts... because I felt that random thoughts was a little too common and not really what I felt the blog truly represents.
  
  Being a Kenyan blogger for me has been a most interesting journey from nil followers I know have 8 public followers on my blog. Also from no comments at all I've now experienced a high of 13 on one particularly awesome and some what controversial post on Homosexuality in Kenya. Not to mention all the comments I get on twitter for my work.
  
  When I first started I had no idea how big the Kenyan blogosphere was. I had only heard of @savvyKenya who's blog appeared in the Kenyan mag Zuqka but since I've become such an active member of the community I've seen blogs about all sorts of things right here in Kenya and its truly opened my eyes to the divers culture I live in.
  
  This blog has also been an awesome learning experience. I've learnt about homosexuality in Africa and about asexuality. Its also allowed me to interact with people from around the world like @Sgyreju from France who helped me understand about asexuality and @Joliea from right here in Kenya  who helped with the homosexuality thing. It also amazes me to know that my blog is read by people in the US, Russia, Pakistan, Israel and even Ukraine.
  
  I'm thankful for you, my readers, who constantly come back to read what ever I write for you. This is my platform for sharing with the world (together with twitter) my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams and my fears. May God continue bless you and Kenya! So from me and every one of my alters: Happy Kenya Blogger's Day! Peace!

• The Creative Commons

  Posted: May 28, 2010, 2:08 pm by cdohnio

  
  
  So today I registered for a Creative Commons license here. Its free. I did this on the encouragement of nobodyouknow here. She said that she had found copies of her works on other blogs and they hadn't even bother to attribute it back to her! Imagine! If I had found my creative genius(WHAT? This is my blog so I be concoeted all I want. Hehehehe!!!) somewhere without my permission and no attribute back to me I'd flip!!! So she applied for a Creative Commons license so that atleast she can be attributed to next time.
  
  So after a lot of internal debate - I wasn't sure that I wanted to license my work because it might prevent people from reposting it at all - I decided to get one for my blog. While I haven't done a search for copies of my work anywhere, it's better safe than sorry, right?  But the license, which now resides at the bottom of each post, still allows you to copy my work to your blogs(I encourage it), websites and anywhere else you feel like but makes it a illegal to do so without attributing it to me and this blog.
  
  Anyway at the end of the registration I was given a form to support the organisation by donating what ever I can. Unfortunately I don't have a Visa, or any credit card for that matter, so I couldn't push a few dollars their way. But as I thought of their noble initiative protecting lowly bloggers like myself I decided to support them by doing this post about them(All information here is available on the Creative Commons website)
  
  
  What is CC?Creative Commons is a nonprofit organizationWe work to increase the amount of creativity (cultural, educational, and scientific content) in “the commons” — the body of work that is available to the public for free and legal sharing, use, repurposing, and remixing.CC provides free, easy-to-use legal toolsOur tools give everyone from individual creators to large companies and institutions a simple, standardized way to grant copyright permissions to their creative work. The Creative Commons licenses enable people to easily change their copyright terms from the default of “all rights reserved” to “some rights reserved.”Some Rights ReservedCreative Commons defines the spectrum of possibilities between full copyright and the public domain. From all rights reserved to no rights reserved. Our licenses help you keep your copyright while allowing certain uses of your work — a “some rights reserved” copyright.
  
  
  
  So what are you waiting for? Go check the website out! If you have a blog or work online consider getting it licensed! Its FREE! I'm hoping this post will do in terms of support 'till I can afford to support them monetarily because they do great things. Btw the is this copying people work thing common? Or am I and nobodyouknow just being paranoid? Let me know in the comments! Peace!

• Safaricom is a bully!!!!

  Posted: May 26, 2010, 4:21 pm by cdohnio

  So today Safaricom announced it full year results today. Apparently  Safaricom had turnover up 19.1% to Sh83.96b, subscribers up 18.2% to 15.79m ; dividend up 100% to Sh8b at 20cents a share and a profit of over sh20b. But along with that announcement that the Information PS  Ndemo annouces that the THE KENYA INFORMATION AND COMMUNICATIONS (FAIR COMPETITION AND EQUALITY OF TREATMENT) REGULATIONS, 2010 been suspended to be reviewed! Nkt!!
  
  Now I'm sure that most of you(Kenyans that is) have heard if not read about the aforementioned regulations. They mostly protect the smaller operators from bullying from the dominant player(Safaricom). It mostly(actually only, I think) deals with interconnection rates. So that means when Safaricom decides to raise interconnection rates they have to prove that they're doing it because their costs to do so have gone up. It also states that "A licensee shall maintain accounting separation techniques to be focused on the separation of revenues, costs and capital employed into categories in order to ensure that there is no discrimination between internal and external pricing in all services provided by the licensee."(Taken verbatim from the regulations)
  
  I really don't see that as price control, do you? Even if it is it protects the consumer. And the fact that it's only Safaricom complaining should tell you the other players have no probelm with them. In fact some of them even praised the regulation! So why exactly are they being suspended? After all CCK is  supposed to look at all players as equal but hey Safaricom hates them so lets be their bitch and do exactly what they say!Lets not forget that Safaricom is generally a crappy network with poor service(try call customer care and see when you get connected). I don't even know why Kenyan's seem hooked to that network! Most expensive data, voice and SMS charges in the country. Though I have to admit Safaricom does do innovation very well, M-pesa, 3G and now M-kesho. But I fear that Safaricom is becoming what people "Too big too fail".
  Sp what brought on this short rant? Larry Madowo tweeted that Micheal Joesph(CEO Safcom) had asked him not to call over sh20 billion super-profits! Good Lord! Thats just bullshit! None of their competitor can even claim to make half(more likely quarter) of that profit AND very few companies in the region, East Africa not just Kenya, even come close. Anyway I just had to get that off my chest. I'm not an expert, businessman or even a business student. I'm just someone with an opinion and this platform to express it. What do you think? Comments are welcome. Before I go can someone tell me if I can be sued for this? Peace!

• Am I real open minded?

  Posted: May 24, 2010, 3:55 pm by cdohnio

  I write this assuming what I say won't be judged, much. Most of the people who read this blog of mine are open minded people but sometimes there's a level where that open-minded ends for example while I don't judge homosexuals I can't stand it if two guys made out in front of me. I don't mind a girl and boy did it or even girl and girl but boy and boy gives me a headache and makes me feel like puking!
  
  So I'm left wondering if that makes me homophobic or just gay phobic. Does  it make me a hypocrite for accepting one side of homosexuality and being repulsed by the other? And anyway I find chi cs making out really sexy but if I meet a truly lesbian person would I be as accepting? (up until this point I've only ever met bisexual girls and, I think, one lesbian). Also as a Christian and a person I think homosexuality is wrong but I still accept it and try not to judge. Is that a bad thing? Thinking that its wrong?
  
   Also there's this whole thing of asexuality that I just learnt about the other day. I've always assumed everyone would be able to feel some sort of sexual attraction. I find it strange that someone(well here I mean mostly dudes) can feel nothing(sexually) when confronted with a sexy girl. But then again I can totally accept it(more than homosexuality). And I'm wondering if its because it doesn't really affect me(physiologically) or that I truly accept it because there have been times in my life that I've felt devoid of any sexual feelings.
  
  These are questions that I ask myself all the time when considering sexuality. I think I can sum this up into a single question: Am I really open minded or do I just force myself to accept? Sound off in the comments about what you think, if you have answers to my question(s), whether you ask yourself the same questions or about what you think. I think I'll talk about heterosexuality next. As always, peace!!

• Asexuality (I learn soemthing new very day here)

  Posted: May 21, 2010, 1:44 pm by cdohnio

  When I stared this blog I did it for fun! For the fame. To let the world know what I was thinking. But yesterday I just realised that having this blog has enabled me to learn a lot more about human nature! It's a truly overwhelming feeling to get comments from you, my readers, that force me to think and do research. Thanks to you all I was able to write a post on Homosexuality in pre-colonial Kenya and now again thanks to my last post I've learnt about asexuality. But thats not that brought on this post.
  
  It was this comment by Sgyreju on the post.
  
  "Well, I'm asexual, as I told you on Twitter. Asexual people are not THAT rare. I know rather well a dozen asexual people and have met about forty in all, thanks to online communities and blogs (and I'm only talking about people I've seen in person here). A study suggested that one percent of the population is asexual, so everyone probably knows at least one asexual person (they just may not know them well enough to know that this person is asexual). Every day I see several people joining the asexual communities I'm a member of and writing stuff like "I'm so glad I've found out about asexuality, I always wondered why I was different, it's such a relief to know I'm not alone".
  
  
  The definition of asexuality is "not experiencing sexual attraction" and that fits perfectly what your friend said about not having looked at a woman in a sexual way. Of course, yes, he might be gay too (although those stereotypes of cleanliness really don't matter - I know straight guys who are very neat and gay guys who are real slobs). He only said that he never looked at women in a sexual way; he might have looked at men in a sexual way.
  
  Basically, if you're wondering what it's like to be asexual: apparently you're a straight guy, right? So you've never looked at a guy in a sexual way, you've never looked at a guy and thought he was hot and that you wanted to have sex with him? Well, I've never looked at anyone, guy or girl, and thought that they were hot and that I wanted to have sex with them. I don't even understand how one can feel that way about another person. I know most people do experience sexual attraction, but I just can't imagine what it's like.
  
  I suppose that, as a straight guy, you don't think you're missing anything by not being sexually interested in guys? Well, asexual people generally don't think they're missing anything by not being sexually attracted to anyone. We can't miss something we've never felt. And we are usually really surprised that other people feel that kind of attraction and that it's such a big deal for them.
  
  Here's the FAQ of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, if you want to know more about asexuality: http://www.asexuality.org/home/general.html. And I'm willing to answer questions too if you have any :-)"
  
  
  So ofcourse me being me, I went to the website. This is what it says(but y'all should go check it out yourself there's a lot more to be seen there, like their personal experiences)
  
  Overview
  An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are. Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community; each asexual person experiences things like relationships, attraction, and arousal somewhat differently. Asexuality is just beginning to be the subject of scientific research.
  
  Relationships
  Asexual people have the same emotional needs as anyone else, and like in the sexual community we vary widely in how we fulfill those needs. Some asexual people are happier on their own, others are happiest with a group of close friends. Other asexual people have a desire to form more intimate romantic relationships, and will date and seek long-term partnerships. Asexual people are just as likely to date sexual people as we are to date each other.
  
  Sexual or nonsexual, all relationships are made up of the same basic stuff. Communication, closeness, fun, humor, excitement and trust all happen just as much in sexual relationships as in nonsexual ones. Unlike sexual people, asexual people are given few expectations about the way that our intimate relationships will work. Figuring out how to flirt, to be intimate, or to be monogamous in a nonsexual relationships can be challenging, but free of sexual expectations we can form relationships in ways that are grounded in our individual needs and desires.
  
  Attraction
  Many asexual people experience attraction, but we feel no need to act out that attraction sexually. Instead we feel a desire to get to know someone, to get close to them in whatever way works best for us. Asexual people who experience attraction will often be attracted to a particular gender, and will identify as lesbian, gay, bi, or straight.
  
  Arousal
  For some sexual arousal is a fairly regular occurrence, though it is not associated with a desire to find a sexual partner or partners. Some will occasionally masturbate, but feel no desire for partnered sexuality. Other asexual people experience little or no arousal. Because we don’t care about sex, asexual people generally do not see a lack of sexual arousal as a problem to be corrected, and focus their energy on enjoying other types of arousal and pleasure.
  
  Note: People do not need sexual arousal to be healthy, but in a minority of cases a lack of arousal can be the symptom of a more serious medical condition. If you do not experience sexual arousal or if you suddenly lose interest in sex you should probably check with a doctor just to be safe.
  
  Identity
  Most people on AVEN have been asexual for our entire lives. Just as people will rarely and unexpectedly go from being straight to gay, asexual people will rarely and unexpectedly become sexual or vice versa. Another small minority will think of themselves as asexual for a brief period of time while exploring and questioning their own sexuality.
  
  There is no litmus test to determine if someone is asexual. Asexuality is like any other identity- at its core, it’s just a word that people use to help figure themselves out. If at any point someone finds the word asexual useful to describe themselves, we encourage them to use it for as long as it makes sense to do so.
  
  
  It seems that society is made up of people far more diverse than I had initially thought. We have heterosexuals, homosexuals, transgenders and now asexuals. I think why some people, like me, are just hearing about this is because no one would have a problem with them just because they don't bother us much but I know that we might still ridicule them(I'm still trying to wrap my head round the idea, i can't) for just being who they are! Remember just because someone is different from you doesn't make them wrong, it's our differences that make life interesting and worth living. As Joliea says "Live and let live".  Oh yeah, before I go make sure you have a look at Sgyreju's blog  "Rainbow Amoeba's Petri Dish" for more insight into the day to day life of an asexual. he's friendly so don't be shy and ask him questions. I know I will.
  
  
  
  
  I just realised that I haven't really said much here that's original. Is that plagiarism? Then again would you have ever heard this much about asexuality? Anyway again its still amazing me how much this blog is opening my eyes. Its truly a great learning experience! Comments are always welcome. Btw I don't moderate comments as claimed elsewhere on this blog. What would be the point of enabling anonymous comments then? As always peace!!

• One of my interesting friends...

  Posted: May 18, 2010, 7:48 pm by cdohnio

  I wrote this post immediately after that night described to read it like you were reading it immediately after:
  
  So today, or is it yesterday? Oh yeah, its after 12. I have to right this before I forget it or lose psyke in the morning light. So yesterday I went to my boy's, Jewlz, house for his birthday party. It was cool, actually it was very very cool. Meet a lot of new people, meet some old school buddy's and had lots of fun. No it wasn't as crazy or as wild as the last time I went drinking in Karen but still fun.
  
  So what's today's post about? I've already said that I met some old high school buddies, so this post is about one of them. Lets call him Leo, after what I have to say about him you'll see why I'm not using his real name. He reads my blog, by the way (good stuff, man!!), and already knows that I'm writing this but if he doesn't like it I'ma take it down.
  
  A little background on Leo. We went to the same school 3rd and 4th. He's was always immaculately dressed and behaved. He's clothes were always clean (we had one tap for like 1000 students), well ironed (you could cut your finger on the line on his trousers) and he had the whitest cleanest shirts in the whole school( I mentioned the one tap, right?). Oh and his grades were also really good and the teachers loved him.
  
  Anyway while at the party somehow we began talking about lesbianism and then he goes " I don't like seeing chics make out" and I was in shock!!! WTF?!!! A dude who doesn't like seeing chics make out? Really? Then he goes on to explain how he just doesn't like gay shit. So the ladies at the party (who were also shocked,btw) go on to ask him a series of questions which I'm putting in Q&A style for simplicity's sake:
  Q: So if you walked into a room with two chics making out and they asked you to join, you would?A: Refuse and walk back out the roomQ: Even if the chics were Kim Kardashian (can anyone tell me why this chic is famous?) and [insert hot model chic who's name I can't remember her]
  A: I think Kim is a little too wild(???)Q: Okay then Angelina Jolie?A: NoQ: Okay would you have a one night stand?(I asked this)A: NopeQ: Would you have pre-marital sex within a relationship?A: NoQ: Have you ever been in a relationship?A: NoQ: Ever kissed a girl?
  A: NoQ:So let me ask you this (this was me asking btw): Have you ever looked at a chic in a sexual way?A: NO!!(????????)
  At this point you can imagine how I and everyone else taking part in this conversation was. I was shouting in complete disbelief, incredulity(my voice is hoarse right now, even sexier than usual:), jumping up and down banging the table. The ladies of course began, joking or maybe seriously (I was tipsy), about how he was the man they'd been searching for. Someone called him gay-straight.
  This dude has made a choice of how his lifestyle would be and that's it. But all is not lost, he likes driving cars and playing PS2. And no he is not a kid he's 20 years old. So I ask you my dear readers and followers what do you think? Do you believe what he said? Do you know anyone like this? Let me know in the comments. Oh yeah I know him and believe him, except for the very last question. Oh, I almost forgot, he isn't planning on getting married:). As always peace!!!

• 4 days of a bad mood

  Posted: May 6, 2010, 5:03 pm by cdohnio

  Am not sure how to start this but I realise that by writing this I've already began...Its been four days...four days of a really bad mood. I'm not sure why but of the last four days I've realised that I've been very angry for most of the time lets look at the days one at a time.
  Day 1: My baby sis, J, wakes me up to tell me that she's been left by her school bus so I immediately wake up wondering what could've gone wrong this morning! So I walk out into the sitting room and right there taking care of her stupid kid is H, the stepmother! Stupid woman how does Joyce skip the "adult"(using this extremely loosely) in the house and come wake me up!! NKT!! And she didn't even seem concerned!! so anyway I immediately take J to school but seriously how is it that am the one taking all this responsibility of a parent when there are two adults in the house??? They're just fair weather parents.Dad with his bullshit "bonding" sessions.He's never there when J is crying or sad or angry.He's even walked out once when J was crying for our mum...just walked in saw the tears and walked right back out!
  Day 2:Its Saturday and I get J ready for church and pack her stuff for going to our mum's. Well going to church was cool and went to Oasis for the first time.It a small,intimate church.I liked it a lot. Well I went back to church to find that everyone from class was on their way out! On top of that J was going not going to stay with mum so that means baby-sitting all weekend and apparently she had a function in school the next day... That was so fucked! It meant there was no where I was going this weekend...sigh.And then H wanted me to do the dishes...nktest!!! Kananizoea!
   Day 3: wake up to get J ready for her graduation at school.Its Sunday and its supposed to be my lazy day but for J, anything,I make for her and me breakfast then tell her to go wake up dad to tell him she's ready...he steps out of the room and casually asks if I'm going with her or she's going to be alone!! As in WTF!!!! Is it really my responsibility to be attending J's school functions? Am not her parent!!!! This nigga needs to get serious!! I really want to move back in with my mum where I could be lazy and without (much) responsibility. So there goes my whole Sunday but it was worth it in other ways like getting to hang and talk to my mum and seeing J so happy to be with her friends and playing.This was slightly marred by my nose bleed.
  
  Day 4:Failed to wake up to see that J got a full-ish breakfast so I went back to sleep and woke up a couple of hours later...then when H is leaving she informs me that Dad doesn't want me to take his fan again!! Nktest the way that thing was going to send me back to sleep? What so wrong with me using it when he's not there? He just doesn't like sharing his stuff...well fuck it! He can go fuck it! And then his stupid wife shouts at J? Who gave her that parental right??!! Silly girl! If she does it again she'll be hearing from me! Lets see what tomorrow brings...
  Note: This was written so long ago but I just wanted to share it out with the world. I get so frustrated sometime and so I write things like this when I do, its better than killing my stepmum :) Don't you think? As always peace!!

• Interesting situation leads to troubling questions...

  Posted: May 5, 2010, 2:46 am by cdohnio

  I seem to be on a roll with the blog posts this week. I've been quite encouraged by the comments you leave on the posts and twitter, thanks. Anyway today's post is not the faint hearted and is rather explicit in nature but it's important that I put this down because it got me asking some really really difficult questions. I just hope that I can tell the story well enough so you get what was going on clearly enough.
  
  
  
  So last week on Wednesday I got in touch with one of my friends, lets call him Tee, after a long time (I've been underground I realise) and he said he was getting together with a couple of friends for drinks the next day at his dad's crib. I accepted.
  
  
  
  So the next day I head to Karen. I have to ask how anyone survives there without a car, the mats drop you at a stage then you walk several kilometres before you reach your house. So after that long walk in the sun I arrive to find the idiot hasn't come home but luckily another friend, Lee, had already reached so we waited with him for Tee who appeared with the ladies a few minutes later. Their names are Ray, Sally and Angel.
  
  
  
  I was shocked to see Ray here, that Tee had actually invited her. They'd had a really really bad break up in which Tee had found out that she had been cheating on him. Infact she's the one who initiated the break up but, hey, I'm not one to judge.
  
  
  
  It was lunch time so a bunch of us decided that we'd have lunch while I got reacquainted with Ray -meet her once before, didn't like her- and familiar with Sally and Angel. Sally was particularly good looking with dark skin, which just made her look so exotic.
  
  
  
  We went upstairs when we were done, there was another smaller sitting room up there (houses of the rich). Lee was acting as deejay and immediately got us started on some cool techno. We'd already open the vodka and the girls had mixed theirs with coke, I decided to go with shots. Soon the bottle was halfway and decreasing rapidly, mostly thanks to Sally and me we'd had several shots and were making the others join us. At some point we moved the coffee table so we'd have space to dance.
  
  
  
  I can't remember why or how but something totally cool happened. Angel and Ray started making out! I know if you’re a chic you're either unimpressed or disgusted but a guy can appreciate how sexy this looked. They were on the floor kissing, grinding and touching each other. Me, Tee and Sally took out our phones and began to record the action... At some point Sally decided she wanted in and pushed Ray off and got on top of Angel. Ray took this chance to make out with Tee. At some point I think I told myself that I needed to get some air so I left the house to walk outside. in any case I had the sudden urge to fell grass in between my toes.
  
  When I got back to the house you'll never guess what I saw there... Nothing! Well not exactly LEE was there but who cares about him, right? Where were the honeys and Tee? Well they'd locked themselves in one of the rooms. I was like wtf?? He took all the honey's and left Lee and me outside alone, to do what? Stare at each other? So I banged on the door and told him to chuck now or I'll never forgive him!! He didn't listen. Lee decided he wanted to hear what was going on in the room and killed the music so we could hear better and, OH MY, did we hear...moaning and groaning. I banged on the door and told Tee that it wasn't fair to leave us outside like that.
  
  This time he opened the door and I peeked into the room. One girl, I think it was Ray was topless, bra-less and had her skirt high up her chest, Angel also was topless and bra-less and in her underwear and Sally was just topless but I could see her bra was undone. Tee on the other hand was in his boxers.
  
  So anyway Sally and Angel left the room, I remember that Ray looked as if she was leaving but then she reached the door and locked herself in with Tee. Outside LEE had already put the music back on and was dancing with Angel. Sally was dancing alone so I danced with her. Sally was just in her bra and Angel, who was really high (she's a lightweight) had out on her bra on top of her shirt. At some point LEE and Angel started to make out and some really heavy petting was going on. I remember wandering if I should start making out with Sally at this point but I decided against it. Why? Read the end of this post to find out;) After a while Tee and Ray joined us from the room, I'll leave you to guess what had just happened. Ray didn't seem to be able to handle her alcohol to well and went to one of the bathrooms to puke.
  
  Sally abandoned me and began to drag Tee back into the room, which she promptly locked. Angel and Lee were still doing their thing someplace (I could see them). I've just realised, in writing this, that I seemed to be doing a lot of nothing but watch but I swear I can't remember what it was that I was doing but I know I was doing something because I remember hitting my head on the lower hanging chandelier but not how it happened:) Ray came back and began banging on the door of Tee's room for him and Sally to come out. I began to think she still harboured some feelings for him. She was persistent until they chucked the room. Tee didn't look too pleased.
  
  At some point someone suggested body shots and Tee went down to get salt. I remember now that’s when I hit my head leaning over the railing:) When he came back Sally and Angel had started making out again and Ray went back to the bathroom. Tee, or maybe it was Sally took advantage of Ray's absence and they both disappeared again. I didn't see where they went this time because it was Angel and LEE who were in Tee's room (the door was open). I went in to check on Ray who was still in the bathroom. At some point I think I helped her on to the bed then lay down beside her (it was a big bed). Lee and Angel came back in and Angel, after talking to me for a bit and asking my name, made out with me for a bit then, or I think Lee, decided to stop and they left.
  
  I remained with Ray to keep an eye on her and keep her company. I kept asking her if she was feeling okay and if there was anything I could get her after all I am a gentleman. While I was talking to her she made a move on me, she put her hand down my jeans, and me being me kissed her, cupping her boobs in my hands and caressing them. Then I lifted her shirt and sucked in her boobs for a bit, All this time she's moaning and her hand is still in my jeans rubbing against my cock. One of my hands on her thigh wandered up searching, caressing until I found her pussy, I out in two of my fingers and she moaned louder. Now while this was going on she out of now where begins to ask for Tee, never mind her hand is still down my jeans and she's moaning. So I ask myself what would be the right thing to do here because it's obvious she's enjoying herself. I leave her alone and go look for Tee, who was still missing. When I got back Lee had decided he's moving Ray to somewhere he could watch her. Nkt! Idiot!! Like I'd do anything after I had decided she didn't really want me.
  
  After this I went to the sitting room and blacked out on one of the couches. I was tired and high. Then these idiots woke me up and I had to go puke. SLeeping while you're still high is not the best idea if you're going to woken up at any point. I heard Ray banging at a door and shouting "OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR!!! YOU CAN'T BE FUCKING TEE!!OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR NOW!!! I SWEAR YOU HAD BETTER NOT BE FUCKING IN THERE!" and later screaming "TEE'S MINE!! TEE'S MINE!! TEE'S MINE!!" Hilarious stuff! I was smiling in my sleep! I reminded myself to ask Tee whether he still knew she was still sprung on him.
  
  So those are the adventures of Thursday last week. So let me draw you some key points that got me asking myself difficult questions. First, Tee had sex with at least two of these girls. Now what worries me is that I know his girlfriend and I like her. Usually I'd be the first to defend any of my boys cheating on their girlfriends but this time I was really bothered, why? Is it that I know her? Or that I actually like her? I found myself wondering if he thought or really cared about her. I really thought she'd be the one to temper his appetite.
  
  Second, I kind of cock blocked Tee, that is totally against my nature, beliefs and the bro-code. Why did I do it? I've thought about it and apart from the fact that I was alone with LEE while he had all the mamas and that’s not fair. Its also the fact that always gets the hot babe whenever I'm there. Its pissing and damaging to my self esteem. But I'm coming to accept that's the hazard of hanging out with him. This is impart with a one of my characteristics; that I think I'm the best at everything, that I want the best of everything. This is both a good and bad thing. And I never forget when I don't do as well as I expected and set for myself.
  
  Third, when things were getting hot and heavy with Ray. I actually considered ignoring what she was saying and going with what she was doing. And this by the way is the most important question: When did I become that guy? The guy who takes advantage of girls (this sounds like I mean rape but I don't mean that) She's saying no (or in my case asking for someone else) and I just keep going on because she's also not stopping. Is it okay? When did I get so morally wrong I can be asking it? It scares me and I've been forced to ask myself what my boundaries really are...
  
  Anyway I felt I had to get this out there, perhaps y'all can help me clear my thoughts on the questions I asked particularly the last few. Let me know what you think, feel or whatever in the comments, anything would be cool. This might the beginning of me putting personal stuff on my blog or just a random occurrence I'm not to sure. As always peace!!

• Homosexuality in pre-colonial Kenya

  Posted: April 16, 2010, 8:45 pm by cdohnio

  Today's post is quite an interesting one. It brought upon due to the recent anti-homosexual debate going on in neighbouring Uganda. Well not exactly because I really couldn't care what laws they enact across the border but the enraging debate online did reach my attention due to Joliea who I follow on twitter.
  
  Now what some, well actually most, people are saying online is that homosexuality is a completely un-African concept being imported from abroad to corrupt our "traditional" African values. However on one particular comment caught my attention in all the clutter of hate and intolerance on a pro-homosexuality article on a Ugandan blog. It went somehow like this, from memory: It shocks me how intolerant Ugandan's are of people of different diverse backgrounds. This argument that homosexuality is a foreign import trying to corrupt our African's values is an extremely ludicrous and unfound accusation. It shows just how brainwashed we African's really are. That some are calling homosexuality a form of neocolonialism is stupid. Africa has always had homosexuals in it history. The fact is that this homophobia is actually part of our neocolonialism that stems from the imported religions that the colonisers brought with them. Of course it was more eloquently put than this (it caught my attention after all) but I hope you get the gist of what was being said.
  
  So that particularly comment got me thinking, could that be true? Could homosexuality have existed before colonialism? Simply forgotten, and later condemned, because of colonialism? After all the writer seemed extremely knowledgeable and intelligent. So first I took to twitter and asked, quite incredulously I might add, if it could be really true that we had homosexuals in Africa before colonialism. Joliea replied that we did and I asked for examples she said the Kikuyu and the Baganda.
  
  I won't lie. I was amused at first and wanted to make a big joke about it on FB but thought better of it because it might be taken for tribalism. So I let it go and pushed it to the back of my head. But when I met my mum I asked her if she knew of homosexuality in the Kikuyu and she said," Yeah, but its not what you think. Barren women could marry a wife so she could have kids that would grow up as hers"
  
  After this I couldn't really ignore it anymore so I did some research and googled. There was a lot of stuff but nothing very particular and until I stumbled upon a blog post by the Candid Tinman here that linked to this document by Stephen O. Murray called Homosexuality in "Traditional" Sub-Saharan Africa and Contemporary South Africa. In which he looked for any mentions of homosexuality and hermaphrodites in pre-colonial Africa. You can download and read the whole thing here but for this post I'll concentrate on Kenya.
  
  
  
  Kenya is mentioned about four times in the document and here they are:
  1. Cross-gender homosexuality not tied to possession cults has been reported in a
  number of East African societies. Needham (1973:109-27) described a religious leadership role called mugawe among the Meru of Kenya which includes wearing women’s clothes and hairstyle. Mugawe are frequently homosexual, and sometimes are married to a man. Bryk (1939[1928]:151, 1964:228) reported active (i.e., insertive) Kikuyu pederasts called onek. and also mentioned “homoerotic bachelors” among the pastoralist Nandi(Bryk (1933:152) also mentions a Nandi boy whose affair with a white farmer continued even after the Nandi married, so that he “shared his bed between wife and master.”) and Maragoli (Wanga)
  2.Among Swahili-speakers on the Kenya coast, Shepherd (1978a: 133) reported, “In Mombasa, both male and female homosexuality is relatively common among Muslims; involving perhaps one in twenty-five adults.” Shepherd (1987: 240) with no data nor discussion of the basis for either the earlier estimate or its revision, raised the estimated rate to one in ten. In the first report emphasized, male homosexuality was confined to prostitution: Mombasa’s mashoga are passive male homosexuals offering their persons for money. They advertise themselves in bright tight male attire in public places, usually, but may, when mingling with women at weddings, don women’s leso cloths, make-up and jasmine posies. Mashoga have all the liberties of men and are also welcome in many20 contexts otherwise exclusive to women. (Shepherd 1978a: 133; emphasis added). Shepherd (1978b: 644) asserted that “though there are long-lasting relationships between homosexuals in Mombasa, most homosexual acts are fleeting, paid for in cash.” In a more recent analysis, Shepherd (1987:250) explained The Swahili [word] for a male homosexual is shoga, a word also used between women to mean ‘friend’. Homosexual relations in Mombasa are almost without exception between a younger, poorer partner and an older, richer one, whether their connection is for a brief act of prostitution or a more lengthy relationship. In the former case, there are fixed rates of payment, and in the latter, presents and perhaps full financial support for a while. But financial considerations are always involved and it is generally only the person who is paid who is called shoga. The older partner may have been a shoga himself in his youth, but is very likely to be successfully married to a woman as well as maintaining an interest in boys. Only if he is not married and has an apparently exclusive interest in homosexual contacts will he perhaps still be referred to as a shoga. The paid partner usually takes the passive role during intercourse, but I think it is true to say that his inferiority derives from the fact that he is paid to provide what is asked for, rather than for the [sexual] role he adopts.... The paying partner is usually known as the basha -- the Pasha, the local term for the king in packs of playing cards.
  3.Godfrey Wilson (1957:1) earlier reported that in Lamu, a Swahili town north of Mombasa, boys dressed as women, performed a striptease and then paired off with older men from the audience
  4.Laurance (1957: 107) asserted that among the Iteso, people of hermaphroditic instincts are very numerous.... The men are imporent and have the insticts of women and become women to all intents and purposes; their voices are feminine and their manner of walking and of speech is feminine. They shave their heads like a woman and wear women’s ornaments and clothing. They do women’s work and take women’s names,” adding that “I myself know of no cases in which they live with men as a ‘wife,’” but noting that in Serere prison one was kept with the women because “the male prisoners would assault him were he imporisoned in the men’s cell.”
  5.In arguing against a third sex or gender conception in Oman or Mombasa, Shepherd (1978a: 133) wrote, “Lesbians [in Mombasa] are known as wasaga (grinders).... The dominant partner... is not seen as a man.” She had earlier claimed, on the basis of an unmentioned sample of wasagas (Shepherd 1978a:134), that “there is almost always a dominant and subordinate economic relationship between them.” Shepherd (1987:254) elaborated, The word in Swahili glossed as ‘lesbian’ is msagaji (plural wasagaji) - ‘a grinder.’ The verb kusaga (to grind) is commonly used for the grinding of grain between two millstones. . . The upper and lower millstones are known as mwana and mama respectively: child and mother.
  
  So from all this you can tell that right here in Kenya has always existed. It was accepted, at times looked at as stupid, pointless(because there could be no children) and it was even laughed at but rarely was it frowned upon and it was certainly not prosecuted.
  
  I'm not an activist. I was just curious, did some research and came up with this. I like to believe that I'm an open person and this find has definitely opened my mind further. I personally have never had a problem with homosexuals however, I can't stomach man on man action so kindly don't do that in front of me. It gives me migraines. I hope this will serve as something that opens peoples minds and make they more accepting of homosexuality because I have a feeling its here to stay. Remember what makes life so much fun is our diversity. Food for thought before I leave; a recent study suggests some people are born homosexual. As always peace!

• Things chics wear that I really hate...

  Posted: April 16, 2010, 8:05 pm by cdohnio

  
  Hey everyone! I know its been a while since I did a new post and I'm sorry, I've been so busy as any of you who follow me on twitter might have noticed. I've been going up and down the country trying to organise matters school. I could definitely write a blog post about that and I probably will one day.
  But today I want to cover something I've covered before;fashion. So I have in more of my looking at people on the streets come up with another list of thing chics wear that they're probably greatly thankful for that I've come to hate! So now without further words or ado here it is...
  First, doll shoes. My lord, I really really reaaallllyyyyy hate these shoes! I mean whoa! These shoes just make chics feet look so unremarkable, boring, bland, dull, uninteresting, monochrome, uninspiring, flat, vapid and extremely commonplace! I mean after all you do to look stunning before you leave the house then you throw on a pair of these and totally kill the whole look! Good God please stop. I know many of you have male and, the unlucky ones among you, female colleagues, friends and boyfriends who will never notice what type of shoes you're wearing but know this the first time I meet you I'll notice your shoes and I hope they're more like me out there. I know why you put them on, I asked a friend of mine why she wore them and she said that it's because they're caomfortable. Well I say screw that and wear sandles or slippers!! They're several beautiful pairs out there...think about it...
  Next, sharp pointed shoes, they're ugly period. I don't think I need to explain myself. But I realise that it might just be my own baised but those things look wrong. It looks as if you squeezed your toes right up to the tip. Also some time the in-between your toes show which most times have not been pakwa'd vaseline so its white as snow, yuck! Some time your little toe looks as if it been dislocated so it fit in your shoe. Also as a dude those things look like lethal weapons! If a chic kicked you in balls with those she'll definately be leaving with them hanging at the tip of her shoes. So ladies spare us the torment.
  The mohawk. This style was once only found among hardcore rock heads but as soon as Rihanna started rocking it every girl in town decided its the in thing and styled their hair the same way. I hate it! Don't wear it around me because it shows your complete lack of imagination and style. Don't follow the fool masses try be unique, rock your chosen hairstyle with confidence and it will be complimented. Just so we're clear any variation of this hairstyle is whack!!
  
  Also ankle boots. I realised I really have no problem with these, as long they're worn well. Usually they aren't. Someone has on a really good looking(what I really mean short;) skirt and a perfect figure accenting shirt on and she puts on a pair of ankle boots. So what's wrong with that picture? Her overexposed legs ofcourse. Trust me I have no problems with exposed legs but the distance between you skirt and the boots is so much they look like a completely different planet from the rest of your outfit instead of the moons orbiting your planet in perfect sync. Do you get what I mean? Also if you had a childhood and a particularly interesting one your legs probably have scars of your childhood. Learning to ride a bike, footah playing on the tarmac, teaching yourself to rollerblade or the long scar you got crossing that bardwire fence in the hood because it was a shortcut. Anyway its likely that you don't have unblemished legs. So what do I suggest to remendy this? Stockings. I swear these have to be one of the most underutilised pieces of clothing in a girls wardrobe, highlighting your legs while keeping the scars out of sight. Anyway stockings are so so so sexy, wouldn't you agree?
  Lastly, for now at least, big ass handbags. I once went to class and my deskmate came in with a handbag that was much bigger than my bag pack and it was stuffed! What is it y'all carry in there? I'd never open one by the way it was ingrained on me early in my life that gentlemen never go through a lady's handbag. I don't hate them I just don't get the point or the need of all that space. And its not like they look sexy or good, most are shapeless black masses. A friend of mine once said your chic turns up with of theses you'd better watch her carefully coz she's moving in!
  Anyway I think thats the end of my fashion ranting but before I leave I have to ask y'all of something I've noticed, platform shoes are slowly making a came back, aren't they? I spotted them here and there around Nairobi and even my sis has a pair. What do you think? Am I wrong? Let me know what you think in the comments, about the platforms and more importantly my fashion rants. As always peace!!!

• Vacation to Kisumu and environs.

  Posted: March 31, 2010, 8:08 pm by cdohnio

  Hey everyone!! It's been awhile since I last did a post and I've been wondering what to write about. As this blog is about my random thoughts and feelings so I guess I can write about anything I feel about and y'all will have to read about it, won't you?:) That might sound arrogant but hey I'm right, aren't I?
  
  Last week I was in Kisumu and its surrounding environs and towns. I travelled on my birthday. I know most people would've  waited to celebrate their birthday's first then travelled but I haven't really celebrated a birthday in the last 8 or 9 years. Sad, I know, but then again my life has really been a happy one in past years but more on that in another post if I ever get the courage to tell the world about it. So I went to Kisumu, on my birthday. Why?
  
  
  
  Because first I needed to take my request for transfer to Maseno University to do Computer Science. Unfortunately for me though I passed KCSE I didn't pass it well enough to do any of the computer based courses through JAB. Ofcourse I could go parallel but my dad is an inconsiderate ass, as you'll see later in this post.
  
  Second is that I need a vacation. I am tired of Nairobi and all it represents. No I'm not talking about the now ever constant traffic jams everywhere or constantly crowded streets or the polluted air. Its a vacation of what it represents to me, ultrasupedoper boredom at home, poor food and very very little love and freedom. The boredom I can deal with after awhile you get used to staying alone with your thoughts. The poor food I can also deal with as you should know if you read my last post. But the lack of love is what I find most difficult to deal with. I'm someone who needs people around me who care for what I'm feeling. I really don't feel that here at my dad's place. Unlike my mum, who -annoyingly- seemed very much in touch with the fluctuations in my every mood. I miss that, greatly. My freedom of movement that I had while staying with my mum are greatly curtailed here. I have curfew!
  
  
  When ever I go to Kisumu on my own I make sure to drop in on my grandmother (my dad's aunt). I like going there because she is ever concerned about me and my siblings and how we're being treated. She exudes a very warm feeling of love, care and safety. Also when I'm there I'm extremely babied. Its good for to be babied once in awhile.:-P She recently moved to Kisumu's baller central, Mamboleo. I'm not sure i like it but then again her house is massive!!!
  
  Anyway I stayed with my grandma  for just the night I arrived and went to Lela to see Anthony(@deadly_halo). I was going to Maseno Uni from his place, accompanied by him. We tried to take a mat from his house but they were all full.  By full I don't mean the normal 14 people. Matatus in Nyanza some how manage to pack 21+ people 14 seater. It was so packed in there my phone's bluetooth signal was not reach the headset so I had to travel in silence *yawn* So anyway we couldn't find a reasonably empty one so Anto decided to take the car. I was beyond jazzed and extremely jealous! How the hell did he get to drive before me? Nktest!
  
  We took the car and went to Maseno which was just down the road. I have to say that it was much easy deal with the staffers at Maseno than at any other school I've been to so far *cough cough JKUAT* Then after that we decide to go on our first mini-roadtrip and take a drive down the Saiya-Luanda highway to visit my shagz where the parental unit is building a house. I only went there because my dad said that I should pass through and see the place. I climbed a guava tree reliving the carefree days of my youth stealing fruits for the neighbours trees. After we left and went further down the highway, the roads were shitty but Anto handled them relatively well. At some point we did an about turn and headed back to his place. It was a really fun drive and I hope it'll not be the last one.
  
  At his place we began what would become an all nighter of movies, video games, music and singing. Somewhere around 7 I got the call that almost ruined my whole mood. Father had decide to recall me to sort out an issue that he and my mother should be sorting out on their own without using me as messenger but hey thats what happens when parents separate the kids suffer. So with that command to return home ringing in my ears I decided to do all that I could that night and it was mad!!!
  
  By far the most fun thing we did was play Singstar. I had dismissed the game as stupid. I couldn't get why anyone would like a game were you song along to someone else's music but after 2 songs and watching Anto kill it on the mic I was hooked hard!!!  The only problem was that the song where few and not of my preferred genres but you have no idea how fun it is even to sing along to a song you wouldn't normally listen to AND get scored on your singing. hilarious.
  
  Unfortunately all good things come to an end and I had to leave the next morning very early. I hadn't slept so I was so exhausted that when I got to my shuttle I slept all the way. Ah it was fun though it only lasted two days. Sigh, but thats how my life is extremely brief periods of fun with a whole lot of sad boredom.
  
  
  On completely unrelated thing I'm thinking of moving my blog to wordpress. What do y'all think? This is mostly because they have a native blogging app for my phone. Let me know. Peace!!!

• Things I thank Mase for.

  Posted: March 19, 2010, 7:23 pm by cdohnio

  
  
  
  Its been almost three and a half years since I joined boarding school and one and a half since I left. Its an experience that defined and continues to define my life...
  A little background info: When we moved to Kenya from Zambia I joined St.Mary's Nairobi doing KCPE syllabus(This wasn't what I'd expected but that is a story for another post). I stayed there for 4 years until form 2 when I changed to Maseno. Why? That's part of the story for another post already mentioned.
  So whats this post about? It's about all the things I'm greatful to Maseno for. Most of them have to do with adaptation that has became a part of who I am. Things that its taught me and given me.
  
  
  
  1. The food. Don't get it wrong, the food there was rubbish!! And they put paraffin in it-I can swear I never realised 'till I left school, infact just last week that the bitter taste in the githerri was it. Meals usually consisted of some variation of maize, heart burn(beans), bitter herds(sukuma), rice and piece(meat, a single piece). No additives(including salt though they did provide it separately,the only thing btw). And usually half cooked. I don't count breakfast here coz somehow it doesn't count here. I'm thankful I was able to adapt because now I can eat food anywhere, I mean, when I was Saintz I had apprehension eating certain foods in certain places, now I don't really have that fear. It really brought down my upclassness when it came to food and increased my appreciation of a good well cooked meal!
  
  2.Water. I'm sure you curious how. Well, Maseno had a population of just over one thousand(1000) but only one tap. Yes, 1 tap! It was called Jacob's Well. And it didn't gush out or even flow steadily, it trickled. On top of that the school was so big the distance from my house(dorm) to the tap and back was probably 1.somethin kms. Good lord!! How ever did we manage? Some of us collected water at night(which was illegal), others early in the morning before preps, others during games(which was illegal), others during meals(which was difficult because people streaming out of the DH to wash their plates), other during class(which was especially illegal), a personal favourite of stealing someone elses water and of course the hustle(which involved standing at the door of the bathroom and exacting a levy from everyone who passed). All these skills I learnt and perfected considering I came from the furtherest house from Jacob's. Oh yeah and I'm forget two espeacially interesting ones. The first collecting rain water from the roof, usually ice cold with hailstones, and actually just bathing in the rain from the roof which is probably the most fun you can have bathing alone. I don't know how this counts but it was fun putting down.
  
  3.Sleep. In all the years of my life I've never slept sweeter sleep than when I did it class. During preps and during lessons... I never did morning preps in form4 every single one I slept. Our class was so warm always... I haven't slept well ever since I left school... This taught me to appreciate the things you enjoy even when you're in the worst of situations.
  
  4.Power. In school there was a lot of stuff to teach anyone something about power. I could do a whole post on this but not now. We had prefects pick from amongst the form3s in second term but it wasn't a democracy,we the students had no say on who would lead us, the teachers choose and they picked the one's without consciences, who could dole out punishment without mercy and the ones likely to remain loyal to the principal and not to his classmates. They were brutal, mercyless, pityless human beings. They were often physical. They reigned for a whole year before new ones were picked for the next year. Thats when we their classmate brought them down a notch or fifty :) Its when the cold wars began. They would find their stuff missing. Beds wet with dirty water. Notes deleted using bleach. Beaten up for the smallest of reasons. It was almost anarchy. I learnt that really power is only for a season especially if its conferred to you by someone else. I think its Lucky Dube who said, "Be good to the people on your way up the ladder because to meet them on your way down"
  
  5. St. John's Ambulance. I was a cadet in school. I joined with the hope that I'd meet some really hot mama I knew in Nairobi when we went for nationals. Her team didn't make it but mine did. I learnt first aid. I met Anthony(@deadly_halo). Enough said, I think.
  
  6. Friends. I meet several life long friends in Mase. Noah, the very first friend I had there, Rodney, classmate and fellow comp student, Julz, fellow comp student and Sci.Cong partner, Netia, the very best desky(form4) I have ever ever had! He and I just clicked. Anyiri, back desky and my very chief hater in school:) and several others who I can't mention here(the ones mentioned are the most memorable). Then there's Anthony. Know him because of St. John's. He might not know this ,because I don't show my emotions, but I don't think I'd've survived 4th form without him. He took me through a lot. And he rarely ever complained - not that there much to complain about as far as I know. If I prayed I'd thank God for him but since I don't I'll just be thankful he was and still is a part of my life.
  
  That brings an end to the things I'm thank Maseno for teaching and giving to me. They're probably more but at the time of my writing this I couldn't think of them. What are you greatful to your high school for? Let me know in the comments. Btw if you think my blog is worth following let your friends know and your twitollers(twitter+followers;) too. Cheers!!! And as always PEACE!!!!

• My weekend home alone...

  Posted: March 9, 2010, 5:26 pm by cdohnio

  So I'm sitting in the balcony at my dad's place, writing this post and thinking of exactly how to do it. I have been out here i a while and it feels good to be out in the fresh air of Uppah. My sister is in one of her moods because she's coming back from her weekend with my mum. She always comes back like this and I'm wandering if its really doing her any good but thats a story for another post...
  
  Today's post is actually about my weekend. This last one. And no its not one of crazier ones. Its was actually quiet normal and boring. I was home alone this weekend. For most my age that would've been the perfect excuse to throw a party or go out all weekend but I didn't do any of that. On Friday I went to school and came directly home to watch movies. Saturday I was in church most of the day though later I went to my friends house to pick up some cables I'd asked him to get for me. Sunday I woke up to find the day overcast so there went my plans for swimming and also the electricity had gone, so I began to read His Dark Materials:The Golden compass.
  
  So thats how I spent my weekend. Pretty dull, right? And this weekend got me thinking,well actually been thinking about it for a couple of weeks on and off sub-consciously, am I normal teenager? Normal teenagers would have gone crazy but I didn't. Its not the first time. For me I would comfortably spend a weekend alone with my girlfriend watching movies and lazying around doing a lot of nothing or with my best friend telling stories and watching movies. Unfortunately for me, my best friend left the country in Dec for school and I have no girlfriend.
  
  On Saturday I found out there was a birthday party for a friend(?) of mine that people had gone to in L.A. I didn't get an invite so I only found out like at 10.p.m and by that time buses out of Uppah had died and i was too broke to take a taxi anywhere. But it got me thinking...Why hadn't I gotten an invite? And why hadn't any one tried to call me to ask wether I could make it? After all I knew(I was later to hear) most of the people at the party.
  
  I came to the conclusion that it was because I wasn't part of that crew. After all all the people there were from L.A and had grown up together so I was kinda an outsider. I don't think think they did it on purpose though. Let me explain the crew dynamic and what I mean by crew. A crew is a group of people with something in common that binds them together. It could be that you grew up together or that you go/went to the same school. These are the people you're tight with,you gel together and enjoy each others company. They're also the people you call when ever you have an event you want to celebrate or generally just hang out. Still it stings that no one thought of inviting me.
  
  So back to what I was saying I've recently coming to the realization that I have no friends that I can randomly call to over at my place when its free. And I'm wandering why that is...and I realize that after my best friend left the country I've been kind of lonely when it comes to someone you can just call over and chill with. Someone you can get bored with and still say you where having fun. So I've came to the realization that I relied on my best friend a little more than I realized...
  
  

  This is the balcony after I was finished writing...
  So why did I put up this post? I just need to vent and to ask all of you:Am I normal? Let me know what you think in the comments.Btw I realized, while writing this, there is someone I could call but they're so far away right now.PEACE!!

• Test blog...O,1,2,3!!

  Posted: March 4, 2010, 2:31 pm by cdohnio

  Okay...yesterday for the three hours I was supposed to be doing Remote Desktop accessing I was trawling the web looking for an app that would allow me to comfortably blog from my phone and also it had to free, before you call me cheap Kenya is still a little behind when it comes to online transactions. So after an almost three hours search I found a few...but most where not free and even the one I'm using now is a demo for 30 days.
  
  So what app I'm I using? Its called wavelog and so far its been cool. I haven't had the time to check out its full features but I thought I'd test out its basic features with this post. So I'm going to try post this now.PEACE!!

• Things every girl should be thankful for...

  Posted: March 3, 2010, 11:22 pm by cdohnio

  So I've been thinking of what I'll put for my new blog post for the last couple of weeks and just couldn't make up my mind. So many ideas but no executions at all... Also I found a couple of things I wrote out a long time ago and I've been debating wether to post them here, I still haven't decided yet, they're of a rather personal nature but be sure you'll see them some day.
  
  I was also shocked to get requests request to update my blog from to of my followers on twitter,@deadly_halo and @Mousse013 which is extremely gratifying. It lets me know that someone out there is reading, likes what they read and wants more. Cheers to them both! Now on to the post.
  
  So I'm one person who likes to look at people. Everywhere I go I'm looking at the people I'm passing on the streets, in church, in the papers, in class and on TV. But I don't do it to notice chics curves(which I still notice :) but for peoples facial expressions and for the clothes and shoes(mostly chics) people wear. So with all this there are several things I've noticed and want to talk about. Some of these things I hate, some of them I love and the rest I have no opinion of. But all of them are thing chics should be extremely thankful for.
  
  To start with stunnas. These things have became a permanent part of chics wardrode. You'd be hardpressed to find a fashionsavvy girl on the stress with out a pair on or in her hand bag. Now with all my looking I've noticed that a girl with these things on becames a great degree hotter than they really are. Think about it. They hide half the girls face and an extremely vital part of her flyness/whackness;her eyes. They make the girl look mysterious and leave you wandering what or who she was looking at... Totally not fair for us dudes! But I personally I'm indifferent about them so if you're to meet me with them on I wouldn't care to much about them.
  
  Next weaves, extensions and wigs. These things are that girsl use/put that I hate most. As in I get why you'd have to wear them but I doesn't mean I like them. First of all most of you get really really poor jobs done! The hair looks synthetic and totally not yours, with your very bad hair showing underneath or worse, the places you were plaited. Even the ones well done still annoy because you're blatantly lying to the world(read guys) about your hair. As someone who has a thing for girls with long hair I take this extremely personal! DEATH TO ALL WEAVE!!!
  
  Skinny jeans. Probably the one thing every girl needs in her wardrobe and I'll drink to that. These jeans serve the dual purpose of making you're legs look superhot while hiding them completely and highlight your curves. No problems of cellulite(Yes, I know what it is) or scars and bruises espeacially the knees. These can make any girl look good, except the really fat, and every girl should own a pair or five. And ladies experiment with bright colours.
  
  Knee length boots. There is just something about a pair of well worn boots that say look at me I'm superdoper confident and I know I'm fine. Still on shoes its unfair that girls can get a pair of shoes at 2soc and also that they have so much variety!
  
  For now I think thats all I have to say. Think about what I've said then tell me what you think in the comments or tweet me. Also what else(fashion-wise) do you think girls should be thankful for.
  
  On a breif side note:Men in Nairobi really don't have much of a dress sense but then again do we have options? Until the next post...PEACE!!!

• Poetry for my old(?) flame...

  Posted: February 26, 2010, 6:43 pm by cdohnio

  I wrote this for someone I love and care for very much but shit wasn't isn't working. It was written back when I was in high school(which wasn't that long ago) so anyway here it is:
  
  I don't know what to say
  Though my love grows day by day
  I feel as if you keep pushing me away
  And i wander if you want to stay
  
  My emotions are getting strained
  My heart is get pained
  Am getting drained
  And am feeling constrained
  
  I don't know what this is
  But I wish it wasn't like this
  Coz it's still you I miss
  And still hope to kiss
  
  So i need to know what you want
  To live in this confusion I can't
  I know this is kind of blunt
  My love you can't daunt
  
  
  
  My lord, this girl was difficult, she just could make up her mind, first we were going out,then sudden we weren't and she wanted us to be friends and then she said I should wait for to finish school.
  
  All this time I took all her undecision in stride(I only ever lost my temper once. I blasted her hard but she had really really annoyed me,talking a lot) We still talk when ever she's around. So I can still hope, can't I?

• Virtual game block? Doubt it...

  Posted: February 22, 2010, 3:15 pm by cdohnio

  savvykenyaSo on Sunday I posted a tweet that resulted in a conversation on twitter between me and Savvy ,writter of The Dairy of a Kenyan Campus Girl, that had me thinking of a new blog post. I've posted it here so that you get what I'll be talking about....
  
  cdohnio: I'm sure its just me
  but I'm finding it difficult to
  maintain vybe with a chic...
  
  savvykenya: @cdohnio but
  you can maintain vybe with a
  guy?
  
  
  cdohnio: NKT! Don't be
  silly!! :) I didn't mean it like
  that... RT @ ssavvykenya:
  @cdohnio but you can
  maintain vybe with a guy?
  
  savvykenya: @cdohnio I
  knew you what you
  meant...maybe the two of
  you arent meant to be..
  friends?
  
  cdohnio: @savvykenya
  Friends with every girl I
  know?
  
  savvykenya: @cdohnio are
  you more than friends with
  other girls you know?
  
  cdohnio: @savvykenya No, I'm
  not.
  
  savvykenya: @cdohnio not
  even with one girl?
  
  cdohnio: @savvykenya Nope.
  Not even one...
  
  savvykenya: @cdohnio not
  even the one in your twicon?
  
  cdohnio: @savvykenya The
  one in my twicon is my
  mother:). It goes back to what I
  said earlier about difficulty...
  
  savvykenya: @cdohnio no
  need to try n explain...we can
  let that go!
  
  cdohnio: @savvykenya I think
  I'll write a blog post about
  it...mind if I feature this
  conversation and your name?
  
  savvykenya: @cdohnio not at
  all..go ahead with the post
  and send me a link when u
  publish it.
  
  
  So from the conversation you can tell (unless you're very slow) that I've been having probelms with vybing chics. Now don't get it wrong, there is nothing wrong with my game, infact I'll be as bold to say its as on point as ever! "So what does 'having probelms with maintaining vybe' mean" you may ask...
  
  It means exactly what it says, but what it doesn't say is that I've been having this probelm on FB and texting. I can't speak for twitter because so far I don't have active vybees following or DMing me. Don't get it wrong in person I'm great... Stories are there. Jokes? Definately!! Compliments? On point! Things to talk about? Several! Timing? Impecable!(I'm not sure this is the correct spelling). But when it comes to talking to the vybees on FB or texting them I quickly lose syke and energy, espeacially if I can see the conversation hitting a deadend(where there no more questions to be asked) soon. As in, I just don't want to have to struggle thinking of more questions to ask and stuff. Why should it be my job to keep a virtual conversation going? Virtual conversations aren't the same as in person ones: You can't vybe as if you're right there with them. Stories are only great when you can tell them verbally so that you can create the right atmosphere for them,with jokes its the same thing, the atmosphere is equally as important.
  
  So, how do I know this isn't just a probelm with my virtual game? After all, failing or finding difficulty would probably be the same thing someone with little or no virtual game. Well I know first of all because it me!! If there is something I know is that my game is great-all of it! Also because back in the day-two or three years back-I'd vybe several girls at the same time, virtually obviously, and all would be feeling me and I had no difficulty maintaining vybe!
  
  So what happened in those two,three years? I went to boreding school in a far away land and my parents separated. The latter is the one still affecting me 'till today(remember I'm young) in ways you wouldn't/couldn't imagine. Perhaps one day I'll let y'all know what I mean so you can try imagine it.
  
  Oh yeah, another thing thats in the conversation is that I'm not more than friends with any girl. Well, I don't think in my current state of mind I can maintain a relationship, I just don't have the energy to do so.
  
  Also please note: I may be having difficulty vybing chics virtually it doesn't mean the ones I am struggling with ain't feeling me!!! MY GAME IS ALWAYS ON POINT!!
  
  Special mention goes to Savvy for letting me use our conversation for this post and her name,actually its more her name coz I'd've used the conversation under a different name anyway. Y'all go check out her blog. Until next post...PEACE!!!

• The Exam week! And the best exam I ever did!

  Posted: February 19, 2010, 11:11 pm by cdohnio

  Last week, Friday, my lecturer announses that we'll be having our exam the next week Friday. Being that we'll only be having two exams for this whole course it coud be considered major!
  
  Anyway he, the lecturer, goes on to talk about cheating and how he can tell when people are cheating but the things he was talking about were for catching amatuers! If he new all the skills my old classmates in high school developed he'd be shocked!! On that note I have to mention that I heard that Nairobi Uni uses CCTV for exams!!! As in WTF!!! Let the children copy,dub,lift and cheat! It doesn't mean they don't know...they just forgot on that particular day!
  
  So I've know about the coming exams for a whole week but unfortunately I have been so so busy...what with all the series I had to watch,actually it was just one but three seasons,Avatar:The last Airbender,the book I had to read,The Secret Life of Bees, the people I had to see, Rodney in Yaya,twice, class itself and TV...I just didn't have time to study anything.
  
  Okay the teacher gave us one day free, Thursday, so that we could study. I used that morning to finish Avatar and I must say that I just love that cartoon!! It didn't have a single boring episode. If you still watch cartoons I'd suggest you watch it! I decided to go to school so I could study, unfortunately I reached there I found that the internet was on so ofcourse I was distracted reading Savvy blog:The Dairy of a Kenyan Campus Girl...she writes well, I'd recommend it to every one! After 45min admin switched off the internet by which time I was in no mood for studying so I left to cut my hair and see Rodney. At Rodney's we made fun of the Ester Arunga and the finger of god nonsense. I personally don't care much that she joined a cult, maybe that she quit KTN but what really has me going is that she joined one called finger of god! The jokes that are going round on this on twitter are too funny! It must have been a tranding topic in Kenya! People on FB didn't take it up as much...they're boring! First it took forever for them to start commenting about it and even when they did, it was not anything funny!
  
  After that rather busy day I returned home hoping that I might be able to study in the night. But after supper I went straight to my room, dropped on my bed and blacked out to wake up the next morning at 9! Nktest!
  
  On Friday I woke up to find two missed calls from Paula,who was supposed to come to my house that day. She had come to the gate of my house but since I couldn't wake up she went back home! Nkt! So a dropped her a msg on FB and she told me she was on her way back. She was here until 12 after which meant that the morning was gone,again! I used the remaining two hours to study...in the loo,on the bus,on the streets on the way to school...everywhere possible.
  
  I get to class early,first time this week, and find everyone, except deski my deski, Ronzy, already there... I sit down and announce that I'll not be failing this exam so everyone must be prepared to enter dub mode! People laughed and began to make similar declarations. The teacher comes in a hand out the papers and immediately walks out!
  
  :)And immediately the discussion begins. We're only 10 in class so I can't say we're shouting across the room but I like to imagine it like that! Unfortunately for me the rest of the class seemed to think I was the genius(which I am) in the room so I was the one always being asked for the answers! So annoying! Sometime you just wanna finish your work before people start bothering you for answers! It had back when I was in Saintz and I hated it then as much as I do now. How ever now as I think about it I guess its a compliment to my genius. Personally, I try not to use textbooks in exams to cheat,call it twisted morality but that doesn't mean I didn't encourage everyone else to use them:). All in all it was a stress-free exam and the only time we all got to talk properly. I loved it!!
  
  Anyway I just found out that I'm on a 9day holiday 'till class starts again. I wonder what I'm going to do to fill that time. I wish my best friend was still here would've spent the week as his house. Anyway that's all for now.PEACE!!

• The challenge...MAD GAME!!

  Posted: February 13, 2010, 12:44 am by cdohnio

  Have y'all(and at this point I'm not sure who coz no one follows this blog yet) ever been presented with a challenge,by someone who didn't know you, unconsciously? You know,like through their feelings or attitude? No? Well that wouldn't be so so shocking,you have to be able to read them first and, thankfully, thats one of my many talents.
  
  Well there this girl I know from chruch,lets call her M, she hadn't really come to my attention much before but somehow one Saturday(yes,I'm SDA) I happened to find myself talking to her and I felt this distinct chill eminanting from her. Now understand this:I'm the type of person who loves to be liked and I have the gifts necessary for making this happen. So I turned up the charm expecting her to be won over in a few minute or atleast the chill coming from her to recede but it didn't. Infact I could say it was like she increased it...
  
  I was shocked! Chics usually didn't react this way to me!! Come on I'm cdohnio!! This didn't happen to me often so I double my efforts but nothing happened to the chill coming from her. NKT!! Then it hit me...she's doing this intentionally,for some reason she had actually consiciously decided that she wouldn't be charm or swayed by anything I'd say that today. I saw or rather felt this in one second and in the next had made a decision.
  
  I took this as a challenge so I decided to try to get as much as her nature(you could say personality but nature feels more right) as I could. I could tell she was highly intelligent, very practical, well read, she wouldn't be fooled by flattery and she didn't like me for some reason! But from just that I could see my in,she's well read! Not many people really paid attention to the fact I liked books but I really love to read. So I changed the conversation towards books and I could tell I had found the clink in her amour,her Achilles heel,the flaw in her armour!!
  
  Anyway the rest is history! We're really really good friends these days... So what was my point in writing all this? The lesson to be learnt is that I HAVE MAD GAME!!!:-D! PEACE!!

• A particularly good day!

  Posted: February 11, 2010, 10:16 pm by cdohnio

  Today was an exceedingly good day...I've been in a good mood all day and there wasn't once I felt depressed or pissed at anyone or anything,a rare occurence these days,but even more than this is the fact that I was happy the whole time...
  
  I woke up at 8.40 or there about,this is earlier than usual because for me its usually 10 or later. What? I have class only in the afternoon from two. Infact I wake up at 10 coz of school so that I can have both breakfast and lunch! Otherwise I'd be waking up between 11.30am and 2pm!! Anyway after waking up I had breakfast and then showered,unfortunately I couldn't watch cartoons as I had to be else where early. As I dress up I thought of the coming day and the things I had to get done,I was kinda nervous about how one would get done but being me I looked in the mirror,saw near perfection and left the house.
  
  My first stop was Strathmore Uni,Mada where I was meeting with a really good friend of mine called Tutu. He was going to give me the rubber ear things for my borrowed bluetooth headset, I had recently lost one side in church. While there we talked a bit of the arguement we'd had last weekend with some friends of ours and of this party we planned to go to this weekend at his girlfriends crib.I then left for town for my next "meeting".
  
  Now this "meeting" was supposed to at 11am but it was like 11.15 when I called her (from the matatu on my way to town,the jam at Nyayo seems everlasting,always there when I'm using that road) and asked her wether we were still on and she says yes she's on her way. So I alight at Railways and make my way to the Galitoes on Moi Av. I reach and call her,she tells me something like she's on her way, so I stand outside Galitoes looking like jobless,plotless niggah!! I hate that-standing around doing nothing-so I begin to comtemplate going jobless corner but it was already midmorning so it was packed. I call her again still the same thing,I began to question my judgement on agreeing to meet like this...then suddenly she calls and say I go to Bata.
  
  I head towards Bata and make a decision to instead take her to Steers for icecream.I reach Bata and begin to wander wether I'll recognize her,it'd been more than 2 year but luckily I did. We head for Steers,where we buy icecreams-actually I bought,the gentleman always-and head upstair to catch up. It was so much fun!! She actually talks!! That is,like, the most important thing for me! She didn't expect me to maintain a one-sided conversation. Aahhh,it was a relief... So it was getting towards the time I had class,so she was like I should let her leave so I wouldn't be late so I offered to take her to her stage-again,gentleman.
  
  By the time I was headed back towards school it was already 2pm by the city clocks but I knew the teacher was never exact on time,though I was still the last person into class. Thank God class is air-conditioned!! The heat in Nairobi in Nairobi these days is unforgiving!! I even woke up at night to ask myself what was up with the heat!! Class was cool...was horribly sleepy though the first hour:-)
  
  After class went to meet my boy,Nick, at his school near Jevanjee Gardens,Zetech College, he was adding software to his laptop. We're going home together. On the way to the stage I met Jero! Its was a pleasant enough surprise. She looked good though she said she was sick apparently because of stress,I feel for her. We talked of having lunch(actually I did,she had totally been ignoring me on Twitter) she said in 3weeks coz she has exams. Well that works well for me,my class would cut any lunch me and her would have any time sooner...
  
  Nick and I continued towards the Posta bustop and immediately we get on to the bus it beginnings to rain. We go to place because its close and Nick had his laptop,I change my shoes and immediately it stops raining we head for his house in West. After we drop the laptop we head to Strath to see Paula and Diana...Nick and Diana seem to be getting really really close. Nick says he ain't doing anything consciously and he doesn't want it to go anywhere but I can see a very close relationship developing there...we'll see where it goes.
  
  That was a fitting end to a really good day. Hanging with Paula is always stress and thought free. I like that. Anyway that's it from me for now...There's a party on Sato...I'll definately have something to say about it when its done:-) PEACE!!

• Second impressions

  Posted: February 11, 2010, 7:41 pm by cdohnio

  Soo...the teacher didn't come today,apparent he/she wasn't feeling well and I'm thinking:Really? The fact they were paid last week and had 2 massive matches Sunday night had nothing to do with it? So anyway the class begins officially tomorrow...
  
  
  
  
  All we did to day was receive the course material...which btw is one thick ass book and a smaller booklet...(see the accompaning picture)I went through the book and I find myself thinking What the Hell have I signed myself up for? I've never been a hardware person, software has always been my passion, and I'm wandering if I can hack it to my usual super genius standards....hmmm,only time will tell though I'm going to try my very best!
  
  
  
  Thats all for now,PEACE!!!

• First impressions

  Posted: February 11, 2010, 7:40 pm by cdohnio

  Okay so right now am sitting in class and we're about 9 students so far...am sure the rest are a little late...like our teacher... Everyone is still at that stage of wierd silence but am sure before long we'll be making lots of noise...
  
  
  
  
  Unfortunately for me there're like only three girls in class and all look older than me and not so very fly or even mordern,hmmm...however that won't stop me from making friends with them... The dudes in class also look unmodern(most are dressed in some extremely formal clad,like they go to Strath, except two). I haven't talkwd to any of them but again it won't be long...
  
  
  
  I just realised I haven't said where or what am doing...I'm taking the A+ class at Computer Pride so far I can't say anything of the class but I'll talk of the room...white walls,flourescent lighting,air con in the back and fan hanging on the cealing. The machines themselve don't look so antiquated,acer LCD screen's and CPU's running WinXP pro,with dual core pentium processor,2ghz and 2.75gb ram....quite impressive if you ask me...
  
  
  
  Still haven't met the teacher....I'll let you'll know how that goes later...for now.Peace!!!

• I-pad

  Posted: February 11, 2010, 7:38 pm by cdohnio

  Note: I wrote this back when the I-pad was first launched
  Okay am not a tech expert and I've never even used the I-pad but I've read the reviews of the pros and cons from some of the best and the industry...so this is waht I think of the I-pad...
  
  
  Its probably the very sexyest tablet ever made...it just looks like a must have,but I wouldn't buy it just yet...
  
  
  
  It still doesn't have the ability to multi-task which is like a major no-no. Which PC do you know that can't multi-task? Really how is anyone supposed to run anything functional on it? It means you can't even surf and edit word doc's while another app does something else...
  
  
  
  It also has no USB ports...really I,kid you not. What PC comes without a single USB port...what happens to all the peripharals we might want to connect? Or flash discs? Or even external HDs? Really does this mean that all this will need to be redone to accomodate the I-pad?
  
  
  
  It lacks a camera...my lord,how did Jobs miss this one? It would've been so so cool so be able to video chat from it...
  
  
  
  It still can't play flash...with over 70% of the web built on flash this will be a major inhibitor for this device...its not like the Iphone in which people just assume,it was built for the web yet won't access most of it...
  
  
  
  It lack handwriting recognition...this would've been a major selling point for student everywhere as we'd carry it into class and lectures and smiply write all our lectures digimode....
  
  
  
  It still a pretty much locked down device software-wise...all apps install on it must be from the Apple App store...this for me has to be the major inhibiting factor...it means that Apple has complete control on every peice of software you use with it...meaning that even if the software's free if Apple thinks its not good for you then it'll never see the light of day,this I read happened with Google voice, infact this should be considered illegal,kind of like a monopoly because I have to ask would Apple allow another company open an app store? Anyway this isn't a phone,it's a PC and I'd like to be able to install any and all apps I feel like or if the option ever comes change the OS completely...
  
  
  
  Anyway as you can see the Ipad has several issues,how they'll be solved is something I look forward to seeing...also it should be noted that now that Apple has opened everyone's mind to tablets we should prepare to see other companies launch their own tablets(Microsoft have had several before Ipad) already I hear of a Android(Google's mobile OS) tablet out this year too...lets wait and see how it turns out...
  
  
  
  
  
  Kindly add what else you think is wrong and also good with the I-pad in the comments.

Blah blah blah

Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes