Items by Shiko-Msa

Wanjiku Unlimited

• I Wanna Text You Up

  Posted: August 20, 2008, 1:29 pm by Shiko-Msa

  Guest Post from ourdkidbert.blogspot.com.

  Smtyms I dnt rily unstnd da msgs pple snt 2 me thru da 4ne so I thot t wld b a gd idea 2 pas da msg dat brevty is, in txt msgs, not da sol of wit. So hia I am str8 up, telng u dat dnt b tripn: write the words in full, please!

  Ur msg may b kul but sup wit da abbreviations? Credo? Tym? Wat? Ur in a hurry whn txting pples? Wat is hapng is terrbl! Tis a WOMBAT! Waste of money brains n tym!

  Dring my bday, I got sevrl ‘H Bday’ msgs! Imagine dat! I cnt w8 4 X-mas coz t wl b sun hia n u cn bet ur ass dat pple wl txt u to ask: Wea u @? Mry X-mas n hppy nu yr!

  Grrrrrr! Tll b gr8 2 ctch up. But dnt do it thru sms. Plz! Plz! Plz! I rlly wnt 2 knw hw ur festiv cson is bt not n dat manner.

  Nxt al hia anaa guy telng me hw he saw sm chik readn my blog n burstg out laughg. Wat am I mnt 2 do? Bottle ma blog n sel it in spmkts?

  Dat wnt sel 4 ril! Ppl cn say, ‘U r da bomb’ bt wnt buy da blog. All I cn prms is da nxt blog ll b kul.

  Or my bddy who txts me n sez: Mt me @ Ambsdr Hotl. Let hm thnk abt tht! Why dint I sho up? How cm? Well, I dint undstnd! So he txts me again: I snt mny msgs en no rply fro u!

  So hia is da rules! If you mis me, don snt me dos txts dat say: Gawd! Bn mssng u. Cnt blve u dnt no tht! Spendg lotsa tym frm u is no gd 4 mi. I lyk u so much! U mek mi proud 2 b ya frnd!

  I wnt undstd! And u cn bet I wont rply wit a txt dat sez: U r not juz ma pal bt ma pearl! Cant blv u lyk me so mch yet am juz a 1ST class guy wearng 2ND class clad in dis 3RD wld city of Nrb.

  No. Dis gotta stop! Or sun, I cn picture my boss snding a txt memo to da staff: WHEN @ WAK, DNT RID A MAG! DNT CHT ONLYN!

  Undstd? Aaaaah. Tis getg beta! N thn 1 of us will rply: UGTBK :---)

  You’ve got to be kidding? To da boss? Dat wld b crzy! Cm on! L8rs!

• Dagotetti Houses Of Filth

  Posted: August 18, 2008, 12:45 pm by Shiko-Msa

  The closure last week of the Dagoretti slaughterhouses is no surprise. As much as we do expect to see blood in a slaughter house, the footage of the abattoirs on TV was disturbing. The kind you really don’t want to see. There was bloody goo on the floor and workers wading through it in gumboots. There was more blood and parts on the counters. And to think that after all this the effluent is then directed to the already choking Nairobi River!

  Closing the slaughter houses was an almost obvious course of action. It’s the Dagoretti residents’ reaction that was rather out of line. Some time back on TV, in an unrelated topic, Police spokesman Eric Kiraithe remarked that Kenyans want the law to be followed but only when it does not apply to them. That statement rang true as the residents of Dagoretti took to the streets last week to protest the closure of the filth emitting abattoirs. Staging a demonstration and engaging the police in running battles shows that Kenyans are facing a phenomenon that is new to them – following the law. There are set environmental regulations and it’s up to every mwananchi to follow them. If the government and UNEP are pumping in excess of 150 Million into cleaning the Nairobi River, then everyone who can should also play an individual role towards the same and the environment as a whole.

  The butchers are not being asked to stop operating, they’re being asked to clean up their act as far as waste management is concerned. Dumping live waste into the river is something the butchers should have stopped doing out of their own conscience long before NEMA came calling. And furthermore, just like the matatu owners during the Michuki crackdown, the abattoir owners had been given a three month notice by NEMA. Only after expiry of the grace period did NEMA take the drastic action. I remember when Michuki was streamlining the matatu industry, Kenyans were right behind him and were ready to become a walking nation for as long as it took in support of the proposed changes. We should apply the same spirit and if need be go meat free for as long as it takes. Not just for the sake of the environment but for our health as well.

  As much as we want the government to streamline every aspect of our lives, we as the citizens also have our part to play. Aside from the butcher issue, take the case of the overloading matatus. Who are the passengers? Is it not the very wananchi who are vilifying Mwakwere for sleeping on the job? Are they not asleep on the job too? If you get into a matatu that is already full and you don’t fasten your seatbelt, what does Mwakwere have to do with it? To a very large extent Mwakwere has failed, but to a smaller extent so have the citizens. Likewise if we pollute the rivers ourselves, who then are we going to blame?

  Beth Mugo’s intervention if we may call it so is just pure politics. She’s in a classic catch 22 situation. She’s the minister for sanitation and should be blessing NEMA for what they did but at the same time it is her constituents who are polluting the environment. She needs their votes next election and we can therefore see why she’s supporting them as they break the law. For her it’s just political expediency.

• Mwalimu King'ang'i - Kenya's Funny Man

  Posted: August 14, 2008, 1:50 pm by Shiko-Msa

  An internet search for Daniel Ndambuki gives amazingly few results with equally scanty detail. Which is fairly bizarre for a man whose trade hinges on popular ratings. And I have little doubt that Ndambuki is perhaps the wittiest stand-up comedian to come out of these parts in our times.

  The man’s wit is powerful and makes for a hilarious beginning to every morning on Classic FM’s breakfast show where he doubles as the streetwise Mwalimu Kingangi and tea-lady Philgonias. Co-hosting the show with Maina Kageni, he performs lots of other flawless imitations only the way a consummate artiste can. It is widely believed that he enjoys quite a large fan base that has anchored the show at the top of the FM stations’ breakfast ‘battles’. I’m an ardent fan of his too and would love to keep track of their morning antics except that the duo spoils the act for me when they relapse, as Maina invariably ensures, to the depraved ‘pale pale’ dialogues.

  Churchill, as Ndambuki is known in his stand-up comedy acts, is well reputed for his refreshingly ‘clean’ content that fits comfortably with family audiences. Many who have attended his shows will attest that his evergreen repertoire consistently delivers as billed. But now, after the end of the Redykyulass shows on national TV in which Churchill regularly featured, his fans outside Nairobi continue to miss out on his side-splitting performances.

  Dan Ndambuki’s comedy has been recorded and several DVD volumes made but one is likely to have a pretty hard time laying hands on them locally. I have made rounds to several outlets here in Mombasa to no avail but find that they can be purchased online from Kilimanjaro Entertainment which is based in the US.

  A DVD collection of Churchill’s Comedy Classics would be a prized feature to any home library and a befitting chronicle to this gem of an artiste.

  Posted From HLumiti’s Theatre Vista.

• Getting Back On Track After The Chaos

  Posted: August 12, 2008, 1:10 pm by Shiko-Msa

  For those of us who were either too young or were not yet born by 1982, what happened after last year's general elections was the closest we have seen of anarchy in Kenya. For close to 3 weeks we could not leave our houses. And due to the live media ban, there was no local news either. We watched our country on CNN, BBC and Al Jazeera and could not believe what was happening.

  The whole thing made me realize just how much we take things for granted. By the end of the second week of fighting, some of my food supplies were finished. All the nearby shops and kiosks were turned upside down and looted. I could have given anything to have some green colour on my plate. I missed the simplicity of walking to mama mboga’s and getting my regular fix of green vegetables. In normal circumstances you may want something but you don’t have the money. This was reversed during the clashes. I had cash for a bunch of kale and other vegetables but there were none around. Such irony.

  It was just after the Christmas celebrations and one thing I had in plenty was beef and goat meat which was meant for the New Year celebrations that never were. At some point we ate meat for 4 days straight lunch and dinner. By the fifth day, I did not even want to see a live goat walking or hear a meeeeh from the neighboring compound. I was done with meat. Luckily things had cooled down and the market was open though with very few traders. A head of cabbage was going for Kshs.500 bob! A small bunch of kale which could not feed 2 people was going for Kshs.50 bob.

  To compound my woes, a loved one was admitted in hospital on the other side of town. She had started feeling unwell a few days earlier and we tried to medicate at home. On the eve of the New Year, when political tension was probably at it’s worst, it became apparent that we had to reach a hospital. It was 3.00 in the night. The nearest hospital we visited was closed due to the chaos and the only other option was across town. From home all the way to the hospital about 5 Kilometers away, there was no other vehicle on the road. Very different from past New Year’s eves when the town, pubs and restaurants are so packed.

  At the hospital there was an option to either treat and discharge or admit. We opted for admission without a second thought. It was too risky to go back home with her not knowing whether the medication would work. There was a shortage of staff due to the transport crunch but still the hospital was much safer. The next day and the next the clashes were so bad I could not make it to hospital to see my patient. That was a good 2 days with not visitors for her. But she soon got better and came home.

  With all the nearby shops looted to the last sweet, the only place to go shopping was Nakumatt. But the queues there meant being out of the house for a minimum of 4-5 hours and I was not about to risk that. In those days, you never knew whether the 1 or 4 Oclock news could trigger more fighting. So it was back home empty handed. Luckily we had the basics like sugar, tea, coffee, maize meal, wheat flour and rice. There was no milk and vegetables were scarce.

  Those were tough times but all that is over now and we thank God for that.

• Are Anti-Smoking Campaigns Working?

  Posted: August 5, 2008, 12:01 pm by Shiko-Msa

  Pictures Courtesy of BBC It seems smokers the world over are persons under siege. There are anti-smoking campaigns upon anti-smoking campaigns, warnings, heavy taxes and rising prices. And with good reason. We are all in agreement that smoking indeed does harm your health.

  For many years, smokers have only had to contend with a faintly written message on the packet. These often stark warnings vary from country to country and here are some examples. Cigarette smoking may be harmful to your health. Smoking causes mouth and throat cancer. Smoking clogs your arteries. 85% of lung cancers are caused by smoking. 80% of lung cancer victims die within 3 years. Smoking is lethal. Smoking makes your skin age. Smoking damages sperm and reduces fertility. Smoking can cause a slow and painful death – and so on and so forth. The warnings are endless.

  Here in Kenya, rules are getting tougher by the day. Smokers now cannot buy a single stick and they have to go smoking in designated areas in far flung corners of town. Other countries have taken the battle against the stick a notch higher with companies being required to print shocking graphic images on the packets depicting the effects of cigarette smoking. Imagine buying your favorite brand of cigarettes only to be confronted by any of the following gruesome images on the packet:

  • Diseased Lungs
  • Rotten Teeth
  • Gangrenous Toes
  • Damaged hearts
  • A fetus in the womb
  • A dying man in an oxygen mask
  • A coughing child
  • A limp cigarette signifying impotence

  The images are very disturbing. I mean you do not want to see a fetus on a cigarette pack. The graphics are meant to shock the user and evoke mental images of him/herself ending up really sick or in the case of ladies, giving birth to a sick or deformed baby. In short they’re meant to make smoking less glamorous especially to the young. The strategy has worked in countries where it has been operating for some years.

  So smoking is harmful to your health. But so are many other things. Beer, fast foods, Let’s take fast foods for example. They may not have 4000 chemicals in a single plate but what about their high percentage of fat and salt and the subsequent effect on cholesterol and high blood pressure? Is it not fair then to expect fast food restaurants to have pictures of people who have been affected by prolonged fast food consumption?

• Traffic Jams Coming To Mombasa

  Posted: August 1, 2008, 1:34 pm by Shiko-Msa

  Traffic jams will soon be a thing of the past in Nairobi according to Kenyan Prime Minister Raila Odinga and Nairobi Metropolitan Minister Mutula Kilonzo. Work towards building bypasses and demolishing round abouts could begin in as little as 6 weeks. All the bypasses will be completed within the lifetime of the coalition.

  I’ve never been caught in one of those snarl ups in Nairobi but from what I see and hear, I sincerely hope those dreaded jams will come to an end or at the very least be minimized to a manageable level. It’s such a waste of time and money to have hundreds of people eager to work yet they have to waste several hours sitting in their cars every morning.

  I hope the government has plans to modify Mombasa too which right now is in the initial steps of nightmarish jams. It’s not that bad as yet. Unless there is an accident or something, the most you can spend in rush hour traffic is 15 minutes. But this is slowly changing as more people buy matatus and personal cars. I believe this is the best time to look into constructing other bridges and passages into and out of the island. The tricky bit about Mombasa is that majority of people work on the island but live in the mainland. For them, it’s painful to think that there’s only a few meters of sea between their homes and offices and yet one has to go all the way round to Nyali bridge, Makupa course-way or Likoni ferry to get to town. Nyali Bridge is mostly smooth sailing but every once in a while there is a small jam caused by a back log of cars at junctions. And even then it’s mostly a moving jam. It’s rare that movement comes to a complete standstill. Nyali bridge opens up to the northern side of the Coast to all the beautiful and famous beach hotels like Whitesands, Voyager, Nyali Beach, Severin Sea Lodge, etc. South Coast is home to thousands of people and also to some of the most spectacular beach hotels and islands around. Yet the only way to get there is via the ferry which of late has been in the news for all the wrong reasons. Incidences of ferries full of people stalling and heading for high seas are becoming disturbingly common. A bridge is needed at the Likoni crossing more than anywhere else. But currently our transport minister is talking of renovating the current 40 year old ferries. Makupa Course-way is by far the most notorious as far as traffic snarlups are concerned. It’s the route out of Mombasa to upcountry and therefore there’s a lot of traffic with buses, lorries and matatus. It is also the route to and from the airport. It’s proximity to the port means that at any one time there is a large number of huge lorries packed with containers headed upcountry, or even to countries like Uganda and Rwanda. The jams here are caused by accidents overloaded lorries stalling in the middle of the road. Mombasa is getting bigger and busier and this is the time to look into the future and avoid some of the problems that have befallen other big cities.

• The Case Of The Overweight Policeman

  Posted: July 30, 2008, 12:26 pm by Shiko-Msa

  Within a few years on the job, some of the young perfectly toned and chiseled police men and women who leave Kiganjo turn into very unfit individuals who have trouble even getting out of their cars. This sad situation makes you wonder why they’re scrutinized so much for fitness before joining the forces only to pile on the pounds afterwards.

  While how much weight one maintains is personal business, cops, as a matter of job description should not have the freedom to carry around weight that can stop or prevent them in any way from dispensing their duties. There’s a reason why they’re hired very fit and should be expected to work that way. Let’s face it; a downright obese cop is a problem as far as fighting crime is concerned. With an overflowing midriff, they’re unable to outrun agile, fit-as-a-fiddle miscreants some of whom are as young as 14 years of age. And what good is a cop who cannot run after criminals? Plus there is genuine concern that if a cop is unable to run after a suspect, he may be tempted to shoot. This however does not necessarily apply to our local cops who will shoot regardless.

  Overweight policemen have over the years become a concern for most forces around the world and some countries have taken or are taking measures to keep the thin blue line actually thin. Different countries have used different mechanisms in the past. As recently as January this year Taiwan's National Police Administration launched a Police Run Club to help their cops drop the pounds. At the launch of the police weight loss program, dozens of running cops were led by none other than blind Kenyan runner Henry Wanyoike. Bangkok Metropolitan Police has embarked on a similar project in the past where the cops were put on a healthy diet and exercise. Mexico is considering giving their cops financial incentives of around $9.00 per every kilo lost. Cases abound where cops have opted or have been forced into doing desk work other than be in the streets because clearly they cannot run after thieves without the risk of collapsing. Like in Romania, overweight cops are given desk jobs or any other work that does not involve street patrol because they're seen to damage the image of the forces.

  But it’s easier said. Excess weight is a difficult problem to tackle because it’s neither criminal nor disciplinary. And it’s tricky to discuss without appearing to cast aspersions at the person. Calling on a person to lose weight for for whatever purposes let alone official can elicit a lot of raw emotions and maybe even human rights issues. Nobody is asking for police departments full of Arnold Schwarzeneggers but if the problem gets bigger, something definitely needs to be done. Life is hard enough for our cops without being asked to maintain that svelte figure but one should make the effort to ensure they’re not a liability to their employers.

• Eric Moyo Of Zimbabwe Wins Idols East Africa 2008

  Posted: July 28, 2008, 3:29 pm by Shiko-Msa

  It’s finally over.

  After the final face off between Eric Moyo and Nichollete Kiiga, Zimbabwe has something to celebrate after their son Eric Moyo won Idols East Africa 2008 in a 90 minute finale at the Bomas of Kenya. Eric is a brilliant singer who most certainly deserved the US$80,000 and the Sony BMG recording contract. He got himself, the judges and his mother all teary eyed with Michael Bolton’s ‘When a man loves a woman’. No blushes for Angie this time. All the attention was for mum and the audience. ‘This is my everything’ which BMG composed for him was just not Eric at all and other than the words, the melody and the flow of the song did not match the magnitude of the moment. And it did not sound any better the second time round after he was declared winner. BMG could have done better.

  Nicholette was quite the sweet and soothing songbird especially in her first performance although that is not to say the others were not good. After performing the BMG composition ‘Goodbye Baby’, the judges thought that she sounded very appropriate doing an original. Let’s hope that’s a sign of things to come.

  It was good to see the top 10 back on stage although these group performances never quite work. Of all other duets somebody picked a Whitney Houston song for the great pair that was Eric and Nicho. Worse still the West African Idols picked Alicia Keys which the other Eric performed in dark sunglasses. That was painful to watch. Other than that, the solo by Omawumi was really cool. The girl is quite a performer too.

  Identity did a good job in dressing the Idols.

• Eric Moyo Wins Idols East And Southern Africa 2008

  Posted: July 28, 2008, 2:25 am by Shiko-Msa

  It's finally over. Eric Moyo is the winner of Idols East and Southern Africa. Details in tomorrow's (Monday) post.

• Google - Too Many Errors.

  Posted: July 25, 2008, 3:24 pm by Shiko-Msa

  This and many more errors have become a staple with Google which is really acting up of late. Not all the time of course but for those who use it daily, it’s occasional bad moods become very noticeable. And it’s the whole network. Temporary errors on Gmail, Gtalk, and Adsense, and article/comment publishing are becoming all too common. The one in the picture is as straight forward as they come but if you’re not lucky you’re confronted by a whole page of techno babble when trying to publish.

  Few things in blogging are as frustrating as not being able to post articles and comments when you want to. But maybe the most annoying of them is when you write a comment and try to publish only for it to disappear into thin air. Just like that. And blogger says ‘done’. Done what? Where is my comment? And then you’ll have to go back to the post and open the comment window afresh. Woe unto you if you had not copied the comment elsewhere like in Microsoft Word - in which case you’ll have to retype it.

  Some people have said it’s a question of poor internet connections but I beg to differ. Does poor internet connection only come to play when it comes to google? Does Africa Online and Access Kenya for example fall under poor? Plus how can you explain a scenario where there are several people sharing the same internet connection on a network and only one or two get these errors at any one time?

  Something strange happened on this blog last week. ‘CIS vs Kenyan Law – Who Will Nail The Culprits’ was posted by HLumiti on July 16^th with proper paragraph formatting. Then on July 21^st it suddenly changed formatting and the whole article became one huge paragraph. How does an article change formatting when it’s already live for 4 days? Of course it can always be edited back although the whole 500 plus words article gets blown to what must be font size 20 in the edit window. It’s good Google are hosting our blogs, mail and all but can they also be flawless in the process? After all they’re Google no?

  Maybe there are still a few things I’m yet to figure out about blogger. Any experts out there? Your word will be highly appreciated.

• Down Memory Lane - How Were Your School Years?

  Posted: July 23, 2008, 1:46 pm by Shiko-Msa

  300 hundred Kenyan schools have gone on the rampage in the last one month! And the reasons they’re giving for burning their schools and in some cases killing and injuring their own makes you want to weep. Bad food, power outages, difficult exams, inadequate entertainment, use of mobile phones, DVD, Music systems, unlimited visits to girls’ schools etc etc. Others want their boarding schools converted into day schools. What are our youngsters up to?

  I don’t know much about the conditions in schools currently but I don’t think they’re any tougher than those of yesteryears. I’m not by any chance suggesting that modern kids should be put through what we went through but it’s no harm to go down memory lane. I remember we used to celebrate blackouts because we got a chance to break the monotony of evening preps. Our food was not any chef’s pride. It was maize and beans, sima and cabbage, rice and cabbage and then more maize and beans. Sometimes there was the distinct taste of paraffin in our food. Rumour had it that it was added deliberately to curb sexual urges – God only knows sexual urges for whom. It was a girls only school and we were confined in there for 3 months with no half term. There was no homosexuality. Besides, back then high school age was still too young.

  Despite the watchful eyes of Italian Nuns, we were naughty like any other teenagers. But other than making noise and laughing in class, the most truant we ever got was stealing bananas and avocadoes in the school farm on weekend nights. Never mind that mother dorm would always find them in our mabati boxes - when the bananas started ripening, she would smell her way to the culprit box in minutes. Never mind too that the said fruits were officially for student’s consumption anyway and were served every few days in the dining room. Punishment, depending on the crime, could be anything from strokes of the cane to uprooting a tree. Or kneeling on gravel for hours with hands raised up. Strokes of the cane were regardless of chilblains (Purple fingers) which were the order of the day. The area was so cold that water sometimes froze in the taps.

  As far as entertainment went, every Saturday night from 8-10 pm, anyone who wanted to be entertained would gather in the dining hall and dance to music of mother dorm’s choice. At 60 years of age, she was the official school DJ. She loved ‘Night Shift’ and ‘Chosen Few’ to bits. Either that or those were the only santuri’s the school provided. There was also television on the opposite end of the hall where we could watch habari and current affairs programs on KBC. Dunia wiki hii or something like that. Television was only switched on on Saturdays. Wednesday mornings we gathered in the dining hall and belted out songs from Golden Bells.

  Still back then, strikes, though not entirely unheard of were rare. Nobody died and no dormitories were burnt. Older boys grew up rearing rabbits and feeding cows. The modern Brayoos and Stanoos are growing up on a diet of chicken and rice and other such goodies? Television, play station and the internet? Mobile phones and discos? Well, some of them may have but not all. Unfortunately many innocent parents, some of whom can barely afford the school fees will be forced to pay for damage caused by their sons. And that is just after they bail out their sons who have been charged with murder and arson.

  The blame game is now in top gear, poor parenting being the major one. Parents are too busy scaling the corporate ladder to know how their children are growing up. Some are mostly drunk and their kids are learning that it’s actually ok to abuse alcohol. Media influence has not escaped the blame either. Television has become the official baby sitter in many homes and kids are growing up on a visual diet of violence and hard core movies. Sexually explicit music videos on Channel O have replaced nursery rhymes and lullabies. Some have even blamed our current politics. Kids have learnt the beauty of impunity. They feel they can get away with anything.

  Bottom line I think it’s the general rot in society that is manifesting in the kids.

  Related Post: Susan Akinyi's Sad Story

• Shock As Trina Leaves Idols

  Posted: July 22, 2008, 2:23 am by Shiko-Msa

  Surprise surprise Trina has just been voted out of Idols East Africa! Now the final two are Eric and Nichollete. It's difficult to understand what Africa is voting for because Trina is obviously a better singer than Nichollete. Maybe sweet personality and composure which Nichollete has plenty of. Now nobody, not even Eric is safe. Infact I now believe he's in trouble and Nichollete may very well win. The way things are going, he might even be voted out for his hair style. Reminds me of TPF1 when Alvan was obviously a better singer and yet the final result came as a shock when Linda was declared winner. As Kirima says, 'Eric fans also need to watch out for complacency as well and vote vote vote!

• Idols East Africa - Top Three

  Posted: July 21, 2008, 4:21 pm by Shiko-Msa

  After lots of good food, chauffeuring and pampering from World Earth Day Spa, the contestants were feeling and looking like stars.

  Nichollete Kiiga:

  Nichollete kicked off the show rather flatly with ‘Any Time’ by Kelly Clarkson whom she seems to like so much. Given that it was her own song choice, Nichollete could have chosen something she could handle better. After all she knows her voice well by now. It was evident she was struggling through the song but TK and Angela Angwenyi decided to sugar coat their comments anyway. The only one who told her the truth about the struggling was Scar.

  Her second song ‘The Way You Love Me’ by Faith Hill, which was picked by the viewers was not a good performance either. She decided to sit through it all, which would have been ok if she sang well but she did not. Scar reminded her that this was the Top 3 and she needed to get out of her shell. I think it’s too late. She’ll most likely get voted out tonight so if there’s any getting out of the shell, it’ll be later when she’s a performing artist.

  Song number 3 for Nichollete was ‘Save The Best for Last’ by Vanessa Williams. She looked angelic in white and this in my opinion was her best performance among her three songs. But she lost the song somewhere along the way. And it was still not top three material.

  Trina Chisanga:

  Even before Trina started performing Aretha Franklin’s ‘Natural Woman’, I thought that was a clever song choice and I knew she would nail it. It sounded like just the perfect song for her voice which Angela accurately described as raspy and sexy. Maybe that’s why an Aretha Franklin song seemed the perfect song for her to do. I wish I could say the same about the second song chosen for her by the fans though – ‘Put Your Records On’ by Corinne Bailey. Fans actually chose that song? Considering the large fan base, I’d expect something more widely known. The performance was rather flat and the judges struggled to give glowing comments. Angie was into the green shoes. TK shouted something I can’t quite recall. Scar as usual said the truth. It was not as good as the previous performance.

  Song number three, picked for Trina by the judges was a powerful song for the right girl at the right stage of the competition. Performing ‘I Believe’ by Fantasia, Trina was pretty much like Fantasia on the night she performed it after winning American Idols – complete with the emotions and tears. Last night I even thought for a fleeting moment that Trina looked a little like Fantasia. The Fantasia of them days not the current one. The power of the song combined with the power of Trina’s vocals and the magnitude of being in the top three all ensured a true winning performance.

  Eric Moyo:

  Eric Moyo is a crazy one. The good kind of crazy. You’ve got to hand it to him for the sheer boldness and daring, taking on the Michael Jackson’s ‘Black or White’. Who takes on MJ by choice? Eric Moyo. He’s a natural entertainer and a risk taker. Even the flu he’s said to have had for most of the week did not seem to slow him down. He sang ‘Kiss From A Rose’ equally well with not a note out of place. My loyalties are back with him. I don’t even know what I was thinking straying to Nichollete who will most likely leave today. He closed the show with the judges’ pick - Elton John’s ‘Don’t Let the Sun Go down on Me’. Good song choice good performance. So he was the best performer and the best dressed contestant. That’s what spending time in the Jacuzzi with two beautiful women can do to a guy. So says Scar.

  I read some allegations somewhere to the effect that during the week of Amarra Brown’s eviction, the producers deliberately blocked her voting lines. If this is true, then that could explain a lot. But why would they want to do that?

  PS: So if Eric wins the US$80,000/- how much is that in Zim dollars? He had better start doing the math now. That calculation is huge and could easily take a week to complete.

  Related Post: Michael Jackson - Is The Thriller Still Thrilling?

• Genetically Modified Foods - The Good The Bad And TheUgly

  Posted: July 18, 2008, 4:10 pm by Shiko-Msa

  The East African Standard can now reveal that mysterious seeds whose sale is being monitored by secret agents are being sold in Kenya.

  This is scary but hardly surprising. Like a lot of other desirables and undesirables from the west, Genetically Engineered Foods are finding their way into African Markets and African Governments and the people as a whole are being urged to embrace the technology. Biotech companies are selling the idea of GM foods as the savior of the world in the wake of population explosion, droughts and severe food shortages. Super crops with enhanced nutritional value and resistance to pesticides and drought. Super seeds that produce higher yields thus ensuring higher financial returns. Super seeds with bug and weed killing capabilities so that farmers spend less time spraying and manually extracting weeds. Just what the doctor ordered for Africa which suffers the most severe food shortages.

  GM food companies don’t come any bigger or any more sinister than Monsanto – a US Agricultural giant and world leader in genetic modification of seeds. Monsanto is spreading it’s tentacles all over the world, Kenya included, and radically altering agricultural practices as we know them. The company is known for some bone chilling practices and the characteristic vice-grip they have on the farmers they deal with. It’s no wonder that their agents are profiling and secretly storing personal data of unsuspecting farmers who buy seeds from them. If their activities in the US are anything to go by, we may soon have a scenario where local farmers are slapped with lawsuits or penalties for breaking this big brother’s rules. Perhaps Monsanto’s most controversial contribution as far as agriculture is concerned is the terminator gene – a gene engineered to make plants kill their seeds so that farmers have to purchase new seeds every time they want to plant.

  Chances are we have all eaten generically modified foods either knowingly or unknowingly because a lot of times it’s challenging to separate engineered and non-engineered foods. For instance, Nakumatt and other leading stores are awash with products like soya beans, soya mince, soya chunks, and powdered beverage soya among others. Some of these products are imported from the US which is one of the biggest producers of Soya beans. So if the beans from different areas are pooled together for processing and packaging, how then can we, the consumers isolate the un-engineered version? To the layman, the foods look identical and can only be told apart through laboratory analysis. Do our stores and supermarkets have the capacity to sort, isolate and label GM foods so that consumers can only eat them by choice? And are consumers sensitized enough to read labels in the first place? It’s only fair that we know what we’re eating. Soya is just an example and one can avoid it. But what about foods like maize and it's products?

  As much as science is getting braver and braver, it needs to know how far is too far. It is one thing to clone a sheep but quite another to make unsuspecting consumers eat foods whose effects on human health have not been fully established. Otherwise the cost on human health could turn out to be something the world is not prepared to deal with.

  Someone may soon have absolute control over what you put on your plate.

• So You Have Won Kshs.100,000/- Plus Nokia 6230i?

  Posted: July 16, 2008, 2:22 pm by Shiko-Msa

  Yesterday 15^th July I received a message from Telephone Number +255764848389 that read like this: You have won Kshs.100,000/- plus Nokia 6230i. Call us on 0729-999999 or 0728-540841 www.safaricom.co.ke. That was such a coincidence because just the previous night I had watched a shocking confession from an inmate who claimed that he had made Kshs.12Million, bought a 32 acre piece of land and 3 matatus all with proceeds from the above SMS con game.

  When I received the message, I knew it was one of those but I decided to call the number provided just for the kicks. The guy said that he was at the Safaricom Headquarters and that I had indeed won the said prizes. I asked him what I had done to win since I had not taken part in any Safaricom contest and he said that my phone number had just been picked at random by their computers. I had quite a number of questions for the conman – what a nice way to satisfy my curiosity and have a good laugh while at it. We actually conversed for about 2 minutes. It went something like this – in Swahili though:

  • What have I done to win this money and phone? You don’t have to have done anything. Your number was picked at random by our computers.

  • Is Safaricom running a secret contest or do their systems just periodically pick on lucky numbers? You’re just lucky that your number has been picked.

  • Are you aware of the prisons con game that is under investigation? Yes but this is different. I’m calling from Safaricom headquarters.

  • How come you’re using a different number from the one used by Safaricom to notify it’s winners? Sometimes Safaricom assigns different numbers for different purposes.

  • How come the initial message came from a Tanzanian number? Safaricom headquarters can use any number within the roaming area.

  • When you win something from Safaricom or any other company, do they really ask you to call them or are they the ones who call you? They get in touch with you.

  • So what do you want now? I send you Kshs.2000/- worth of airtime? No just give me your full name and ID number so I can send you your prize money and the Nokia.

  By this time he sounded like he was beginning to get worked up. Me I was having some dangerous fun although I started getting scared at some point. What if these are actually the police doing investigations? What if he’s able to trace my number like in the movies? What if my number is now a marked one? Anyway, when he asked for my full names and ID number I was done with the freak and disconnected the call.

  Seriously our prisons are fast becoming money making institutions. It seems being locked up does not make a difference to these criminals as far as getting rich is concerned. Even at the height of investigations into the cell phones saga, and despite the nabbing of over 350 cell phones and assorted SIM cards by police the game is still going on.

  Can the prison authorities explain how so many cell phones land in the cells in maximum security prisons?

You Missed This

• Ministers Should Carry Their Own Crosses

  Posted: July 15, 2008, 4:40 am by Shiko-Msa

  Also published today: Why The Constantly Blundering NSIS Is A Big Danger To Kenya Part 2

  So Jamlek Kamau (MP for Kigumo) feels that Uhuru Kenyatta is the wrong number for Ababu Namwamba to point fingers at. And that he should concentrate his energies on his Budalangi constituency. So who in the eyes of Kamau is the right number? Who is it that can have himself toyed with while others are left alone without investigation I wonder?

  Any leader’s responsibility is to his constituents and the country as a whole. If for instance Ababu Namwaba comes across a case that needs clarification in parliament, the repairing of dykes will not stop in Budalangi just because the member looked into national matters. The idea of fellow MPs rallying support for ministers under investigation is sending the wrong message because it’s not a question of friendship here - just a minister who may or may not have broken the law. However complex our laws may be, it all boils to whether Uhuru or Kajwang' or Kimunya rubbished them or not. The case of errant ministers is that simple. Laws are made to be followed however small or negligible they may be in the eyes of the big guys. If Uhuru is guilty of irregular nomination of councilors let him carry his own cross. If he’s not guilty then he has nothing to fear or to be publicly supported about. The government I believe has mechanisms to determine such cases.

  I’d not be surprised to see Uhuru going for some constituency love next if the storm gets thicker. And that’s the other point. Constituents too should desist from rallying blind support for MPs who are under investigation. If we are to mend this country, we cannot start by dancing around a corrupt minister just so our constituency can have a flag. We have to start crushing impunity from the constituency level and gladly let our MPs crash to the ground in disgrace if they’re found guilty of corruption or abuse of office.

  Elius Mbau of Maragwa also in his defense for Uhuru had the audacity to say that any action taken by a government leader should be respected because the leaders are duly elected. Is he suggesting that we respect ministers’ decisions regardless of whether they’re right of wrong? That is the kind of balderdash that Kenya does not need now or ever. Is that not where abuse of office stems from? Ministers feeling that they can do anything just because?

  And those speaking of witch hunting, of what use is the grand coalition if we cannot tackle grand corruption without fear of upsetting the balance?

Wanjiku Unlimited

• Idols East Africa - Eric Moyo, Adiona Maboreke, Trina Chisanga and Nicholette Kiiga

  Posted: July 14, 2008, 4:49 pm by Shiko-Msa

  This time my girl is Nichollete. Although Amarra’s departure was a shock, it’s just as well Nichollete stayed after all. This week song choice was up to the producers and her first performance was ‘Do you know where you’re going to’ by Diana Ross. It turned out to be the best song choice for her. The thing is, at just the right pitch Nichollete’s voice sounds almost angelic and very well controlled. It is when she hits the lower notes that things don’t seem to work well for her. If she chooses her next songs carefully and with this in mind, that pleasant aspect of her voice along with her sweet personality might give us all a shock. Including Eric and Trina both of whom seem to believe they’re home dry already. I agree completely with Kawesa this time. Nichollete’s performance was like a soft massage to the soul.

  If it matters at all, her wardrobe was also quite a smash. She looked the angelic part in that white top while she was doing her first song and then she wowed us all with a shimmering metallic silver dress reminiscent of Leona Lewis in ‘Bleeding love’. Now compare that to Trina’s military trousers and dungarees. I respect Trina’s taste but girl! Military pants? Anyway’ it’s not a fashion show so let’s get down to her music. I honestly think Trina gets overrated sometimes. Sure she can sing but so can all the other finalists. This week especially was tough for everyone and Trina was no exception. She seemed to struggle with Mary Mary and Christina Aguirela’s songs. Idols East Africa is known for shocks and aftershocks and she better watch out. Just ask Amarra. And she has written off Nichollete and Adiona already. Asked whom she thought were the best Idols, she counted herself, Eric and Amarra. That interview was of course before the Amarra eviction shocker.

  My guy Eric whose Afro hairstyle is getting bigger and morphing into dreads performed ‘All Night Long’ by Lionel Richie. In my opinion that was the perfect song choice for him and he did not disappoint. Second choice ‘End of the road’ by Boys to Men was just the right song for him to ooze his characteristic romance on stage. He delivered alright but I must say his theatrics were a bit annoying this time. Surely the audience will forgive him if he does not involve them just once? He’s still in the contestant stage and not yet a performing artist. He sure has the strongest of voices although the backup provided at bomas was not doing him any favours. It was masking his singing rather than complementing it. So much for third world sound systems.

  Adiona seems to be always floating along somewhere but I don’t know how long her luck can run. She may have taken over the role of Houdini from Cynthia Kuto. She dared a Celine Dion song for the first performance and gave it a not too bad try. And producers, how could you choose Rihanna’s Umbrella for someone? If she leaves this week you take part of the blame for selling her out surely! Even the judges had a rough time praising her after Umbrella. Everybody two finger in the air??! That was a complete no no. But she looked hot in both her outfits.

  I’m hoping one of these days before the show ends someone will sing Listen by Beyonce.

  Where Are Our Movies Project Nollywood?

• Of Ugly Beauty And Dying Models

  Posted: July 11, 2008, 4:35 pm by Shiko-Msa

  We’ve all seen them. Beauties strutting their stuff on high-end international catwalks. Models are considered the cream of society as far as beauty goes. They seem to lead this glamorous life which sucks young girls into the modeling world in droves every year. For those who make it, there is immense wealth and a glamorous lifestyle working with top designers and jet-setting from city to city. The allure of modeling gowns worth thousands of dollars which could then very easily land in Halle Berry’s or Catherine Zeta Jone’s body is too much for them to resist. That is the beautiful. Now the ugly.

  Most models are spotted by hawkeyed model scouts at a very tender age. In the past there were mothers sending children as young as 12 to the modeling world, or to the wolves if truth be told. The message to these young girls is simple. Loose weight and you’ll join this glamorous exiting world where you’ll make lots of money. Surviving on a diet of lettuce, diet coke and laxatives for months never won anyone anything. But in the modeling world it could win you lucrative contracts with major fashion houses that need human hangers with the least amount of flesh possible.

  It is this pressure to lose weight that gives rise to dangerous eating disorders, malnutrition and even death which can directly be linked to prolonged poor eating habits. The lengths to which some girls will go to for that super svelte body are bizarre. And still the agencies want them thinner. The pressure is viewed as a small price to pay for the lucrative deals that skinnier models get. Small price? When you get so thin your boobs disappear? When you look so pale, gaunt and run down? When there is the possibility of dying of malnutrition like those two model sisters who died from extreme diets? I don’t think so. I think real beauty is in natural curves.

  Hollywood has not been spared the weight loss madness either, although not to the extent of models. There have been rumours that Nicole Richie once held a party and dictated beforehand that guests beyond a certain weight would not be allowed in. It is said she had a scale at the door! I wouldn’t have a hard time believing that. Last I saw her picture she looked rather malnourished herself. And Beyonce has been known to at one time cut 1¹/2 stone in a fortnight of drinking diluted maple syrup. The mere mention by a celebrity that she’s on a certain diet is enough to send thousands on girls clamouring for the same.

  It’s not all doom and gloom though. Over the last few years, with protests from governments and women rights crusaders, the fashion world began to see the creepiness of the demands they had been making on the girls. Major modeling agencies and advertising networks are now refusing to use waif-like models and those under the age of 16. Some are requiring models to produce medical certificates of health before they can get contracts. Some like the Melbourne Fashion Week even employ nutritional experts to monitor the health of the models. There are success stories of models who have come back from the thin world in good time and still continue being successful.

  Luckily, locally we do not have these extreme problems. Or do we?

  See Also: Magical Kenya.

• Big Shots Tumbling Down

  Posted: July 9, 2008, 3:05 pm by Shiko-Msa

  Good things are happening in Kenya of late. In complete departure from the past, ministers are resigning and getting fired and big shots are being hauled to court all due to public pressure. This is something that Kenyans could only dream of just a few years ago when the country seemed to have it’s owners. There’s still a lot more to be done but I believe we’re off to a good start seeing that Parliament can disown one of their own who is suspected of shady deals. We cannot say with certainty that we know who did what because most documents are gathering dust somewhere marked 'classified'. But bottom line is that bold action was taken by our parliamentarians in their capacity as the public watchdog and hopefully this will make other leaders think twice before engaging in shady deals in future.

  I do not think Kimunya can sell such a landmark hotel like Grand Regency alone and my hope is that other big and small figures who might have participated even in the least way will come tumbling down soon. That’s the new Kenya. The next thing we’ll be seeing these hitherto untouchables in King’ong’o or Kamiti as guests of the state, having been prosecuted in a court of law and found to be guilty of a crime. We’ll crash impunity one law suit after the other. Every little step counts.

  Recent happenings on the political scene have really sharpened the Kenyan people’s antennae. Young people in the past assumed that politics is uncool and for the elderly. Not any more. Thanks to civil education and campaigns targeting them, they have since realized that what happens in political circles has a direct effect on the destiny of their beloved country. They’re now putting decision makers to task and even vying for political office. That’s another step forward.

  We cannot put every misfortune that strikes us down to bad political leadership but a lot could have been avoided with strong policies and good leadership. For example thousands of lives are going to waste in villages because one the hospitals are very few and far apart, two there are no roads to get there and three even when they eventually get to hospitals they’re poorly equipped anyway. All this is compounded by grinding poverty which with good leadership could not have been as bad as it is now. That is just one instance. There are many more like poor Agricultural management, poor land policies, etc etc.

  Political figures aside, we’re also witnessing the hauling to court of hitherto untouchable rich men. It’s never good manners to laugh at someone else’s misfortune but I rather liked the idea of a forlorn looking Chris Kirubi in court a few weeks back. Makes you wonder just what some of these guys want. Is Kirubi not already super rich? With different streams that will keep the cash flowing his way for God knows how long? Why then would he tarnish his reputation for what must be loose change to him? For some of these people you get the impression that they’re challenging fate. They’ve made it in life, they bored and the next option is to get mischievous. After all mtadoo? Now they’re getting to know what we will do.

  I’m loving this!!

• Idols East Africa - The Home Stretch

  Posted: July 7, 2008, 4:04 pm by Shiko-Msa

  This time around, with just 5 contestants left, idol performances came in double as each of them had to perform 2 songs from their favorite musician. Evidently the African theme was not going to last long. With contestants performing songs from American Idol winners like Jordin Sparks and Kelly Clarkson, I could not help comparing Bomas of Kenya with the Kodak and Nokia theatres. Just for the fun of it.

  Nicollete Kiiga opened the show with a poor performance of Vanessa Amorosi’s ‘Absolutely everybody’. This must be the weakest starting since top 10 began. Her second song, ‘A moment like this’ by Kelly Clarkson was not that good either. In short Nichollete’s performances were both dismal and she’s most likely the next one to go.

  Amarra’s ‘Falling’ by Alicia Keys was a complete knockout with not a note out of place. Congratulations to her considering that Alicia Keys songs are not the easiest to do. But on her second performance doing a song by Christina Aguirela, one could catch the unpleasant side of her high notes. There was something like screaming there alright. I don’t know whether that’s what Angela was calling Maria Carey notes some time back. But all in all her singing was spectacular as always.

  I’ve almost no doubt now that Eric Moyo will win the competition. Much as he has refused to give up his theatrics, he has perfected the art of blending them into his singing without missing a beat. He did a great job singing ‘Over my shoulder’ by Mike and the Mechanics, but it was in the second performance that he injected raw romance into his song and made Angela blush some more. He sang the beginning of Michael Bolton’s ‘When a man loves a woman’ directly to Angie, then picked a lady from the audience and serenaded her with the rest of the song. All this without disrupting his singing. He got a standing ovation from Angela as expected. His afro is getting bigger and bigger and it is said that young men are now refusing to shave their hair. Way to go Eric.

  Trina proved herself once again by being different and daring with a Natasha Bedingfield song. When she started the song I didn’t think she’d pull it off. But this queen of versatility did more than pull it off. She gave a spectacular show. Unfortunately Whitney Houston’s ‘On my own’ did not come out well enough. Trina’s lower register was too deep and hence the transition to high was not that smooth. But that notwithstanding the girl is top 3 material.

  Adiona seems to really have morphed for the better musically but this being the top 5 she’s still not doing enough. She chose Christina Aguirela and Jordin Sparks. Personally I thought she ended the show as poorly as Nicollete had started it but the judges heaped praise on her so obviously they thought different. Other than musically she made the guys in the room drool with her provocative outfit, including judges TK and Scar.

  Speaking of outfits, Angela has resorted to turbans and she looks beautiful as ever in them. But with the white one she could pass for a member of a certain local religions sect, ie if she didn’t have the make up on.

  All said and done Eric was the performer of the night. The way I see it so far, they will leave in this order: Nicolette Kiiga, Adiona Maboreke, Amarra Brown, Trina Chisanga, Winner Eric Moyo – although there'll be competition for second place between Amarra and Trina.

Blah blah blah

Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes