Items by Pea

shirel

  • Ati King of the Wheels? What Happened to the King of kings?

    Posted: May 17, 2008, 7:54 am by Pea

    Apparently, on May 25, Gospel and secular DJ’s in Kenya are battling it out on Mombasa Rd to find out who is the “King of the Wheels.” As soon as I saw the announcement on some blog, I scanned through quickly praying my cousin Eric (DJ RiQ) had no part in it, but sadly, there his name was. I love Ero to bits! But that is no excuse for some nonsense.

    I just have a few questions.

    1. Why are people looking for worldly crowns, when we have been called kings and priests? And why are we going to pay attention to the King of the Wheels, when our life is about the King of kings?

    2. Since when does the church need to go out and compete with the world in order to receive recognition? What is the spirit behind this foolishness? Who cares which DJ is better? Okay, so what if a gospel DJ is crowned King of the Wheels? When those wheels are tried by fire, how many people will they be seen to have led to Christ? Will that “crown of the wheels” stand or will it burn to ashes?

    3. IS THIS WHY JESUS DIED? IS THIS WHY JESUS CARRIED THAT CROSS UP THAT HILL, AND HUNG ON THAT CROSS, WITH A CROWN OF THORNS ON HIS HEAD, HIS HANDS STRETCHED OUT? IS THIS WHY? So we can fornicate with the world and receive their approval??? Is this why He went through what He went through?

    SHINDWE!! The devil is a liar. I am practically boiling right now. And it’s after sunset. This is RIDICULOUS! Wake up! Acheni usingizi!

    Eric, why? Is this why God elevated you? Is this what He taught you all these years you have been walking with Him? Ero from all the things God has brought you out of, is this what He was leading you into? Why bro? I love you so, so much! But why??? Don’t lose the way!!! Woiye! Ero wake up! Watch out! Stop forgetting your God!

    Arghhhh!!!! Scream.

    Ati “Who will take the crown?” God help us.

    Prayer: God, how am I supposed to reach Eric. Please reach him woiye. I rarely go to that blog so I know you took me there tonight for a reason. Please just help us open our eyes. Honestly God what is this now? Thank You because You expose all the plans of the enemy. God please frustrate this wickedness in Jesus’ Name. Surround Eric with people who love You. Please speak to him in my text. Keep Your church, God, woiye lift us up out of the pit and set us upon the Rock. Wake us up! You alone are the King - may we never exalt anyone else - or worse, seek to self-exalt!

  • 15: Early Bird

    Posted: May 16, 2008, 8:12 am by Pea

    Compare this post.

    She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens (Proverbs 31:15).

    I was once head-over-heels in… well, lust, if we are to get real, with a man who had a great voice. After a while, he got his masters and had to leave for his country, so we kept in touch on the phone. Because of the time difference, it was difficult for us to call each other up at usual times. He often called me at about 3 or 4 am. The light from my phone would wake me up and I would immediately get up and begin to talk to him. We would talk for even up to three hours, or until it was time for me to go to class, about everything and nothing. In my mind at the time, he had the greatest voice and the cutest accent and all these things. After a while, the game had to stop because he was not born again and I was at that crossroads in life where I had to choose between narrow and wide, obedience and disobedience.

    So if I could wake up at 3am to speak to a guy, why is it so difficult to do it to speak to the Lord, to hear His voice and talk about everything and nothing? And it’s never nothing - the Lord’s words are always timely and purposeful and they provide direction, vision and power. Why is it that I asked Him to change prayer time from 4am to 6am, and why is it that after a few weeks, even 6am began to feel like it was too early? I don’t know, but it’s something I wonder about, because if I truly love the Lord then His voice should be the one I long to hear the most and I should jump out of bed to meet Him as soon as the time comes. I should never want to leave, but the reality is so different - I find myself trying to peep at the cable box for the time, as if God can’t see my heart or know that even fifteen minutes after I open that I am already getting restless.

    It’s also very amazing to me how I can be on the computer, or watching TV, or on the phone, or doing all other kinds of things, wide awake, but as soon as I open the Bible, sleep just comes out of nowhere! Or I find that I have been thinking about minutiae or daydreaming or something for minutes on end! Or my neighbour begins to play his loud music, or something like that! I have learnt to pray for the Holy Spirit to keep me concentrating, to keep me from distractions, to keep sleep far away from me and to thwart any plan of the enemy.

    The virtuous woman riseth while it is yet night. What does she rise to do? I am constantly reminded of her industry. She seeketh wool and flax - she does not wait for the wool and flax to come to her. She bringeth her food from afar. And then, she rises while it is yet night. One thing I have discovered is that morning is the best time to meditate on the word and be with the Lord. It is quiet, because the world is asleep; I am alert, because I have just had a few hours of rest; and it is in following the example of Jesus (Mark 1:35).

    The early bird catches the worm. Like I always say, in this plagiarized statement from Pastor Courson, I should seek God early in the day, early in my situation, early in life.

    There have been weekends where I allow myself to just sleep and sleep and when I wake up, it’s noon or 1pm and half the day is gone! Waking up early helps me to maximise on the hours in my day and get more done than I would by sleeping.

    Another reason to wake up early is to prepare breakfast for the entire household, so that when everyone else wake up, they have a hearty meal waiting for them. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I remember when I was in primary school, on the days I never felt like having breakfast, no sooner had the teacher begun to teach than my tummy would begin to rumble with hunger. It would not be right for a virtuous woman to allow any member of her household to undergo that if it is in her power to prevent it.

    Virtue means valuing those whom God has blessed to work for me, such as househelps/maids. I should treat anyone who works for me as a human being and not as some ostracized animals. They are people, too, after all. “A portion for her maidens” … when I was a little girl, every time I went to a birthday party, I would save something for my sisters - a sweet, or a piece of chocolate, or a piece of cake. I felt so bad if I didn’t remember to take something back for them. I don’t know if I still have that tendency… but I always loved to share as a little girl. I should be generous. “A portion” sounds to me like a measure that is set aside after careful thought. The same way I would say, “Let me carry this sweet for Sojourner Ruth and this other one for Baby,” I should say, “Hmm, I know that ‘Jane’ will love this chicken breast, let me save it for her,” or “Let me wrap this for ‘Mary’ so that she has something when she wakes up.”

    Saving a portion for my maidens means they are not there with me - which seems to mean I would wake up earlier than they do, although it could also mean that while I am in the kitchen, they are doing something else. I choose to see it in the former light, because it shows that virtue means setting an example for people in the things I expect from them. If I desire that articles be ready for editing by the 27th, why not have mine ready by the 25th? If I want to have a clean house, why not clean up after myself, instead of expecting the maid to pick up even the coaster? Mummy really disliked that - she never approved of three “big girls like yourselves” as she called us, sitting down and doing nothing while the househelp strived and struggled in front of us.

    I can imagine what a blessing it would be for a worker to see an example from his or her boss. I myself often feel so blessed when someone superior to me is nice to me or finds time to sit and chat with me about even the simplest of things. People are put off by those who are stuck up and conceited AND self-conceited.

    I still can’t get over the day I complained to my bgff (best girlfriend for ever) about the fact that people thought I was bossy. I said, “Esther, can you imagine! They said I am bossy! Me!” or something along those lines.

    Esther said nothing and I knew from her look that indeed she could imagine. She explained to me that I was, in fact, very bossy! And further, that sometimes she did things just to go along with me and prevent drama because she knew I’d insist anyway!!!

    I was so convicted and I still cringe to think about it. Bossiness creates a distance between people and gives that “pedestal” air to all kinds of situations. I have been praying about it since and I really pray that God would place in me a humble heart that does not want to rule over every situation and circumstance.

    Smile 6 is because I am praising God for the fact that I’m slowly beginning to love to smile - yay! I took about 8 pictures today! Of course I can’t blog the cute-cuteish ones - I read the emails about those of you who have started your right-clicking and hitting “save as” and printing and putting anointing oil and praying for funny things!

    Prayer: Lord, thanks for this convicting series of reminders! Please teach me humility, and I beseech You, my Saviour, please pour a love for Your voice into my heart. Let me desire to hear You, more than my necessary food! Teach me never to put food into my mouth before I have put food into my spirit! I need to love You, Lord!!!!! In Jesus’ Name. Amen…

  • 14b

    Posted: May 15, 2008, 9:19 am by Pea

    Podcasting is complex… I don’t want to upload different mp3 players because that will mean the blog takes ages to load so I’ll try and figure it out maybe during the weekend if I’m still interested. I will hopefully be podcasting on a different site if all works well; I’ll blog about it when I begin, Lord willing.

    Today was interesting.

    I was on the Yakuti forum this morning, which I have to do every morning just to make sure things are relatively sane. There was lots of stuff, as usual, and a new discussion titled “Confession!” I wondered what it was. I thought it would be something about going to confession as a Catholic or something like that. When I read the first sentence my heart sank.

    “I want to use this medium to air my feelings for wendwa/Pea.”

    I figured okay, so people hate me but why bring the hate to the forum? I refused to read it, I closed that window and got my tea and decided to check and reply my mail. My heart was pounding at this point because I thought where have I gone wrong, what am I not doing right, should I just call Time Warner and disconnect my internet connection, how do these things happen every day, am I overreacting, I can’t take this… etc. I tried not to think about it.

    Then I got curious and decided to read it. I scanned it for the tell-tale words of my usual hate-emails: “Fake, holier-than-thou, phony, pretender, extremist, fanatical, judgmental, judging…” To my surprise, there seemed to be nothing of the sort. So I finally got the guts to read it and I was so touched! Sasa me and my emotional self, the tears just started streaming down my face and I remember just thinking, “God, You love me, You actually do!”

    And He does! It was such a blessing to read that confession, I was so touched that God knew how I felt last night and He found someone to sit down and take the time to bless my day. And I laughed because of the controversial TERC email, kumbe it blessed someone! God is good… I was really an emotional mess, because honestly, can you imagine? I was SO low last night, thanks to a combo of factors and then the comments I got just multiplied them, and God decided to get someone I didn’t even know to remind me that He is watching me and He loves me! This is the kind of thing that only Jesus can reward, I’m telling you. Because in doing it to me, the least of the leastestestest, Witness did it to Jesus.

    Of course, I grabbed the blessings with the loudest “Amen!” I could muster! I always say God’s grace is written on the pages of my life, and here someone was saying, “May the Lord continue to multiply His grace in your life, and may you continue to grow in knowledge, wisdom and understanding, as you run the Christian race with perseverance. Amen!”

    I was blessed by that because I always say God’s grace is written in the pages of my life.

    And the other blessing, “I pray that in God’s infinite mercy, wisdom, and power, He will give you a man whose life is sold out to the Lord Jesus Christ; a man that will love you as Christ loved the Church. Amen!!”

    And Amen! And by the mouth of two witnesses (lol, pun unintended), it is established! So officially you are reading from what is probably the latest blessed blogger in town.

    Is God good or what? Also…

    When I met Sehar, she was wrestling within herself, trying to figure out which is the right path. She explained to me how difficult it would be to tell her parents, because they are Muslim, and how she had no intention of letting them know if she ever became a Christian. At that point (February, I think), she was afraid to so much as mention that she had even been to church.

    I began to pray for her from that day – occasionally with my sister, but may God forgive us for not doing so together every single night.

    Today, as we had lunch, she asked if I had ever been baptized. Now, my baptism story is a little funny… I might blog it one day. I told her I had. I wondered within me if Muslims baptize nowadays – why would she be asking that? She told me she got baptized about a week ago at the school gym swimming pool, by Pastor Ray! I was so excited for her! I couldn’t help saying “Wow!” over and over again! I asked if she was officially sure that she wanted to be a Christian and she said yes!!!! Of course, I began to tear up again. I told her it was the best, bestestest decision she had made and the most important one in her life.

    “And you’re sure of that?” she asked me.

    “I’m positive,” I said.

    If you read this, please keep her in your prayers. She needs them – she is still not sure how she’ll tell her parents and all, and because I don’t know any Muslims who’ve converted to Christianity, I can’t really understand what she is going through. Please pray for her.

    Prayer: This is just me saying thank You for noticing the little little things that I sometimes think You don’t care about… and for the power You have to save… and for the people You always send, just in time, to bless me. And for the love that never grows dim. Thank You, in Jesus’ Name.

  • 14a

    Posted: May 15, 2008, 8:51 am by Pea

    Compare this post.

    She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar (Prov 31:14).

    Before I begin I’d like to talk about a statement I made on a previous blog entry, which I think I should not be too lazy to explain.

    “Sometimes I wonder, should we now try to multiply even the six billion people already extant on this planet?”

    I just want to say that this in no way means I’m trying to say we should not be fruitful and multiply. When I look at the world, I often feel like it needs no more children, because I wonder who will take care of them. But the fact remains that God has commanded us to be fruitful and multiply. On my own, I can decide not to have any children. That’s okay, and right, in fact, if I am not married. But somewhere along the journey of courtship, I have to discuss this with my hubby-to-be and if he decides that he wants ten children, and if I choose to marry him, then I marry him knowing that he wants ten children and I do my best to submit to that wish and to carry it out to the best of my ability. If I feel like I do not want to have children, I am going to have to lay those feelings aside and in fact forget them if the man who marries me does want to have children. My opinions and my “wonderings” will never change God’s will and it would be hypocritical of me to say that I love the Lord if I cannot submit to the man that He has put over me. If I am not faithful in that which is least, how can I be faithful in that which is greatest? If I cannot submit to a man, why should I pretend that I am submitting, or willing to submit to God?

    It may not make sense to me that God says be fruitful and multiply, even when there are six billion people on the planet, but even in things that do not make sense, my only duty is to obey. I wonder about many things. It does not mean I am rebelling. I will be careful with my words, however – and I will guard my thoughts, because I think wondering can cause a man to say, “Why can’t it be this way? And why can’t I change it and let it be this way for me?”

    This issue kind of ties in to a discussion a few friends of mine and I were having concerning submission. Someone asked if wives are supposed to submit EVERY TIME a man wants sex. We came to the conclusion that if it is not posing anyone any harm (i.e if she is not like 8.5 months pregnant or if it is not 1 week after delivery or something like that), then she has to submit and give him what he wants. So someone else asked, “Okay, so what if I want to have sex and my husband doesn’t?” My friend Joy gently said, “Then no sex for you o.”

    It ALSO ties in to a conversation I overheard between two people. A woman said, “Pastor, it’s unfair! Why can’t women occupy the seniormost position in a church!” He said, “Well, because the Bible says so. Authority is a huge position with plenty of responsibilities. I don’t hear any men asking why men can’t get pregnant. That’s a special responsibility for the ladies. Look at it like that.”

    Anyway. Actually, while we’re on tangents, here is Smile 5a: Because… let’s see… because it’s always great to have a friend to help you take those ‘maalo’ pictures. And also because Jesus is LORD.

    One thing I have never been able to figure out is how a man can tell if food is cooked with/out of love. I do know, however, that if a woman loves her husband, she will go out of her way to get him the food he likes to eat. Two incidents stand out in my mind.

    One is, shopping with Auntie L. We were at a supermarket and she was looking for sweet potatoes. I remember the look of relief on her face as she found some fresh ones, and, testing them to see which ones were the best, she said, “Uncle J loves to have sweet potatoes for breakfast.”

    The other incident, Auntie Tumaini is from Tanzania and she is very good with what I call “Swahili-Swahili” foods. She visits us in Nairobi frequently and is very close to Mummy. She actually showed my sister a chapatti recipe where she used onions… or was it garlic. One day, she was telling Mummy how she cooked at a gathering, I think uncle Tom was officiating, I’m not sure, but I think he was present. Someone shouted to her, “Tumaini, you cook food like you are cooking for a president!”

    Her response, which I thought was pretty cool especially because she and Mummy said it at the same time, was

    “But my husband is my president!!!”

    That was years ago, and Uncle Tom has since passed away, but her words stuck in my mind and have come to me just now.

    Someone who explained Prov 31:13-14 reminded me of Paul’s admonition to Timothy; having food and raiment, let us therewith be content. The virtuous woman seeketh wool and flax to clothe/cover her household, and then she bringeth her food from afar.

    If working willingly with her hands alludes to industry, then it is not surprising that the virtuous woman will look for food from “afar.” It says she bringeth “her” food from afar, but I don’t think the food is hers only, if the following verses that speak about her generosity and kindness are true. Perhaps the “her” is said in the same sense as my friend E once said to me, “Mummy twists her mouth when I refuse to eat her food.” It’s food prepared by her, but it’s probably not prepared to feed just her.

    Every night when I get home, I thank God because there is nobody to cook for and take care of. I cook once a week, if that, and I prepare enough to keep me through the week – an assortment, so that I can mix and match and not get bored, because school is always hectic. A few weeks ago, I decided to make cooking every evening a habit, and to try and be creative. I haven’t quite started yet – so far I’ve accomplished 3 nights a week (and the third night was because I discovered that I had liver in my fridge and liver is one of my favourite types of meat!).

    How far am I willing to go to cook for anyone except myself, even with the crazy food prices? If I am not generous now, nothing will change in the future. I need to work hard and ensure that I am able to avoid the dreaded “money for tomatoes scenario” which I talk about so often, and which goes something like,

    “But Tom, what is this now? Do I have to spell it out? I told you I need to go and get meat. This is not even enough for gas. Kwani what am I supposed to use to actually buy the meat? And unless you want to eat boiled meat for dinner, you’d better add some money for rice and condiments.”

    I have been through Prov 31 before, even on this blog, but somehow personalizing it in writing makes it so much more of a challenge.

    Prayer: Lord, sometimes I am tempted to believe what Pastor Hagee says, that the Proverbs 31 woman is not just one woman, that no single woman can achieve all those things. However, deep down, I know that virtue is possible and I know that You would not have put that section in the Bible if it were not for the fact that You have provided the strength in us to accomplish it. Please help me trust in You as my Jer 32:27 God and lean on You to help me achieve this. Also, please bridle my tongue and my fingers because like the saying goes, whereas silence is often misunderstood, it is never misquoted.

  • …

    Posted: May 14, 2008, 9:50 am by Pea
    Tags:   

    I don’t like the way it sounds, you can hear every single sound in my mouth and it’s a little disgusting but voila… maybe speaking my thoughts is better than writing them. Next time I’ll put the mic even further than it was tonight.
    Shalom.

  • 13:

    Posted: May 14, 2008, 6:26 am by Pea

    She seeketh wool and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands (Prov 31:13).

    Ah, these hands. Do they work willingly? What is that going to be like, in the next ten years? (Why do I always think about the future like that?) We don’t need to seek wool and flax. We have Macy’s, J.C. Penney, H& M and all those other stores. We have Wal-Mart. We have dishwashers, microwaves, washing machines, mixers, vacuum cleaners and even those robots…

    I have just remembered how my mom got one of those for her birthday, last year I believe… and she talks to it like it’s an animal. Lol. “Where are you going! Don’t go there, come and clean here!” Hahahaha….

    Anywho.

    What work will there be left for my hands to do in the next few? How is this verse relevant to me in 2008? Wool and flax are raw materials… could this mean that I should develop the gifts and talents in my life that are undeveloped? Everyone has at least one gift. But she SEEKETH wool and flax. I really don’t think this means that the virtuous woman has to sew her own clothes and those of her family even in this day and age when we have more convenient options. If she can, then it’s wonderful, but I don’t think anyone should beat themselves up if they are unable to sew or knit.

    Wool and flax were pretty common in the days that this chapter was written. People owned sheep by the hundreds, so it would not have been difficult for a woman to find wool. I don’t know about flax, but I don’t think it would be difficult to come by, either. So why does she SEEK it? Does this mean she doesn’t just buy anything that’s out there? She seeketh… meaning she goes looking for it – why would she look for something that is easily available, unless of course she wanted a particular kind? I remember when Hostess unga first came out, Mummy refused to make ugali with anything else… and there were times we would go from shop to shop not because there was no flour but because Mummy wanted Hostess. It could be the same concept here.

    Why wool and flax? I’d say wool for the winter and flax for the summer… in other words she plans for the right things at the right time.

    She worketh willingly with her hands. If I love the Lord with all my strength, then everything I put my hands to will be for His glory. What do I spend time building? Does it glorify God? Am I the kind of person who has no peace unless I have been up to something evil? How do I use my time? Do I have to be forced to work or to use my gifts? I am accountable to God and to those around me. From my understanding of this verse, virtue means using my gifts, talents and efforts to glorify God and to help the people I interact with.

    Smile 4…

    Prayer: Lol… the laugh is gone, but thank You anyhow. Please help me see that being Your child is a privilege even when I don’t like it, when I fall short, when my hands are no longer willing to work for You. I know there is a point and I know You love me too much to let me be shady so I thank You.

  • …

    Posted: May 13, 2008, 9:47 am by Pea

    She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life (Prov 31:12).

    {So! I came here to post the entries I typed out on Word earlier today and read the four comments I received today (two of which were cussing me out and thurrfore had to be deleted) and I realize that it is not just my future hubby that I need to do right, I’ve wronged so many people and most of all I’ve wronged God. I’m a little discombobulated which is what always happens at times like this BUT I will be strong and post what I came to post and if there’s anything that does not glorify God blame it on me. Something is wrong somewhere, that much I know and now I’m stuck posting 31 smiles because I said I would.}

    This is perhaps the most difficult of the Virtuous Woman verses for me to deal with. King Lemuel says that the virtuous woman will do her husband good and not evil, not from the day she is married to him, or only on the days he does good to her, but all the days of her life.

    That means from birth through to eternity.

    Which would therefore mean that nobody is virtuous.

    But even so, if some husband exists somewhere out there for me, I know I have not done him good all the days of my life. What’s more, I have not done him good even at times that I had the opportunity to. And it sort of bugs me.

    What does it mean to do a man good and not evil, anyway? Of course from the day she gains the title “wife,” the virtuous woman knows she should be noble, she should not nag, she should submit, she should take care of the children and basically build her home as a wise woman should do. She should give the enemy no cause to speak reproachfully (1 Tim 5:14).

    But what about BEFORE she gets that title? We hear about chastity every day, but is this it? Is a woman declared virtuous just by walking down the aisle, having known no man?

    I still think about Bubbles and Mrefu every time I read this verse. I know that chastity/celibacy/purity is a big, fat, huge part of this verse.

    I used to pray for my future hubby every day, until I got to the point, a few months ago, when I decided it was a little crazy and maybe there was no future hubby anyway. I see now that that was not the right thing to do. Until God tells me He has called me to be single I have no option but to believe His desire is for me to get married someday and that means like I have said time and again, that this man exists somewhere in this world. I used to pray for his family, his friends, the people who surround him, until one day I began to ask myself, “Who does this!” and completely forgot that Mummy had a reason for giving me this advice and that it is when we feel like praying the least that we should pray the hardest.

    And then, I also kind of thought I had an idea who he was, which made me begin to direct my prayers toward this person. I thought I heard God say, this is the one for you and for a week I prayed for this particular guy but it was not seven days after I thought God spoke to me before our friendship was ruined and even now it seems like it’s beyond repair. My theory became, either I misheard God and He tried to knock the sense into me, or I heard Him right and the enemy is being funny. Either way, praying for my future hubby was not the same and I probably need to seek God for help in praying for him without knowing who he is.

    When I was younger I was a huge flirt. I don’t even know what happened because now people actually have to announce that they are trying to be funny for me to even notice it. A few years ago, I realized that it is wrong for me to flirt with someone if I am not married to him. I also remember Adrian Rogers saying no man should use the name “sweetie” or “baby” or any of those other names on any woman except his wife. I took that to mean, by extrapolation, that I too needed to stop referring to everyone as “sweetheart” and “babes” and “boo” and all those other nicknames I had for people about a year ago.

    I have tremendous, tremendous love for my family and I pray that God will give me the strength to leave my father and mother and become one flesh with my hubby without being tempted to call my family every minute or spend weeks at home or things like that. I know a woman who is very close to me whose marriage was destroyed because her sister was always in her business. “You need to leave that man,” her sister always said, and even said that she (sister) was going to leave her own husband – but lo and behold, more than 20 years after sister 2 took sister 1’s advice, sister 1 is still happily married to the same man. Family can ruin a person, that’s what I learnt from that. By God’s grace, I’ll enjoy the time I have with my family now. Once I get married, I can no longer put their word above my husband’s – it says wives, submit to your husbands, not to your sisters and brother and mother and father. It also says a man shall leave his father and mother - husbands, love your wives – in other words, your wife comes before your mother. And your father. Oh, and your boys. And even your kids.

    Doing him good means a whole lot, it is no easy task especially when talking about someone I’ve never met but because God sees the future I will trust Him to teach me.

    The Lord is my Maker and my Husband and He is the One I should aim to please whether I am single or married. He should be the one on my mind every day. And before I go to sleep every night I should ask myself if I have done Him good that day.

    Prayer: God, being saved has not been fun for the past 18 minutes…

  • 11: Trustability

    Posted: May 12, 2008, 6:16 am by Pea

    11 May 2008 - 6th of Iyyar, 5768

    Compare this post.

    The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil (Prov 31:11).

    Today, as I was doing my groceries and thinking about this verse, I figured that since I’m pretty much clueless about men, then if I cannot get a man to trust me with his heart, then I can at least get him to trust me with his stomach. After all, it’s along the same route, right?

    Over the past few months a number of things have happened to show me just how much I need to work on getting to the point in life where I will be able to say that my husband’s heart can safely trust in me. But there are two big problems with this, as far as I’m concerned. First of all, I am not married. Second, I have noticed an increasing lack of desire for marriage in my life. The only reason I can think of to get married is to be able to have some help around here – and that can be sorted out in a week by putting up a “roommate wanted” sign or moving into a smaller apartment where the surface area will be greatly reduced.

    Sex, well… what difference would 100 more years of a sexless life make? I don’t feel like I’m missing anything. I used to… but I don’t know what happened. Someone must have prayed for me.

    Babies? Lately I’ve been thinking it makes more sense to take care of the children who already exist than to bring children into the world if they won’t be raised right. God is being kicked out of our schools. Children are shooting each other. It will take the grace of God and years of heartache and persecution of one’s family and one’s children to be able to raise a child who believes in God. God said be fruitful and multiply. Sometimes I wonder, should we now try to multiply even the six billion people already extant on this planet? Right now in the U.S. you have to acknowledge the possibility of no God if you are to pass your Philosophy classes. Every time I hold a baby, I pray hard, because I always pan ahead to the next 20 years and I cannot imagine what that child is going to go through. I could go on and on about this but.

    And as for company… with the way things are going, will I even have the time? I have so much on my plate that I don’t know if any man will be able to handle my schedule, which does not look like it’s going to get less hectic any time soon. Jesus is enough for me right now.

    There are some things that would be great to share with a man but I think my experiences have completely quashed the notion that there may be any good man who can deal with me and my dramatic life without any of those chauvinistic or insecure or what-not issues cropping up somewhere along the way. It is this drama that makes me just get exhausted by the thought of a relationship. Given my location, any relationship would have to be long-distance and I am yet to meet a single man strong enough to hold his own considering the difficulty of such a relationship. And then there is the tiring process of getting to know a person. Risking all kinds of emotional hurt and financial ruin and drama only to find out years later that it is not about to work, or that you took seriously something that another person thought was just marination for their next booty-call.

    My friend Deandra says all I need is someone to sweep me off my feet. My friend David always said “You like to talk! Wait until that man comes with his manifesto and falls on one knee…” Lol - I don’t know, but somehow I think my feet are going to stay put for a while.

    But ANYWAY! Just in case:

    Can I protect a man’s heart?

    Well, what exactly makes up a man’s heart? I have found myself thinking about this several times this week, in relation to something unrelated to this Prov. 31 series. What is in a man’s heart? Do men have hearts, aside from the physiological pumping heart – do they experience things in the same way women do? And how is this expressed? Must it be about the mushy?

    First of all, I would have to set my priorities right and literally put some effort into building an intimate relationship with him. Today’s men are often put after the kids, the job, the cooking and cleaning, the shopping, and the catching up with girlfriends. It’s only after all this that many women can find time for their husbands. Which makes me often wonder what the surprise is when these men end up cheating.

    Another thing I’ve noticed is men absolutely hate it when they are disrespected, especially in public. I’ve watched men’s expressions as their wives yell or nag in supermarkets, at family gatherings, in the car as they give a bunch of strangers a ride, and in all other kinds of places. I am the kind of person who, when I need to resolve something, I will want to air my grievances immediately and I will want the issue to be analyzed and solved THERE and THEN . “There and then” is often in supermarkets, at family gatherings, in the car… you get the picture. So if I don’t curb that now, then I’m headed for trouble.

    I believe that it is every Christian’s calling to expose sin as soon as it occurs. I will normally speak out against sin no matter where or when or how, and I expect people to do the same for me. I have learnt that when God gives me a dream, it does not mean I should go immediately and tell it to the person. It takes prayer to share some stuff. I cannot be shouting a dream and its interpretation outside the bathroom door as my friend takes a shower, just because it is an emergency. I need to learn to be careful with my words because if I am rash then I will not be an easy person to trust.

    I know that I must be ready to affirm a man and be willing to encourage him in his achievements. I should also pay attention to the cues he gives that women probably do not pick up on – things he talks about that sound like utter nonsense if a woman does not recognize that he is sharing his heart.

    I shouldn’t go into anything with a set of rules and expectations of how a certain group of people ought to function, and most importantly I should not place any man into this group. Everyone is different and while we are all called to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, our neighbor as ourselves and to obey the Lord as a demonstration of this love, every individual is different. Even while we all love the Lord, it is impossible for us to all have the exact same personalities and gifts of the Spirit.

    The pic on the right is Smile #2 - “because God says I’m pretty even when I’m half-blinking on cleaning-and-grocery day” just before I went to Wal-Mart.

    What will I do if I am expecting a gift but don’t get one? Or if I want something to happen a certain way and it doesn’t? what if the man I meet does not in any way act like the men in the movies? What then? Is he good enough for me even when he is not doing his best? Am I constantly pointing out weaknesses and mistakes and shortcomings? Do I have to be squeezed like a lemon for praise and affirmation and encouragement to come out of me, and if I do, do compliments have a bitter twist to them?

    What makes a man circle the block for hours before finally getting into his driveway and entering his home? What makes him dread saying goodbye to the guys before retiring to his home? What kind of woman makes him so irritated and frustrated that he would rather live on the corner of a housetop? Am I a nag? A wise woman buildeth her house, but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

    Prayer: Lord, I pray that You would help me to be a trustworthy woman not just to a man but to everyone who shares their heart with me. Thank You for all You are teaching me. Thanks for walking with me! Please don’t stop – in Jesus’ Name. Amen.

  • 10: Metals and Jewels

    Posted: May 11, 2008, 7:53 am by Pea

    May 10, 2008 - 5 Iyyar, 5768

    Compare this post.

    Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies (Prov 31:10).

    An unhealthy focus on myself can cause me to become self-confident or self-piteous, and none of these is right because if I am self-confident then there is no place for God in my life, and if I am self-piteous, I end up being too preoccupied with who’s done me wrong to understand or even simply see how much good God has done for me. If I focus healthily on myself, I will understand that I am bought with a price… and that price is far above rubies… and I will focus on myself only long enough to marvel at the One who laid His life down for me.

    Perhaps the reason a virtuous woman is so hard to find is because many women today are too busy looking at, after, themselves that they forget that life is not supposed to be lived focusing on me, me, me but rather that our gifts and attention should be focused upward, to God, and then extended outward, to men.

    A self-occupied woman is very, very easy to find. Life is about her, and her every effort proves it.

    Why do I do the things I do – are they all about me? Why am I in school? Why do I blog? Why am I going through this process of understanding the virtuous woman? Is it so that I can parade myself around as the prime example, and get some glory for myself?

    Am I cheap? Am I easy to find, am I just another one of “those girls”? Am I as easy to get as the next piece of wood? Do I fall for every man and every doctrine; do I succumb to every temptation?

    There are rubies.

    Then there are things priced above rubies.

    My worth, my price, is far above those things.

    What does that mean?

    Why should it matter?

    How should my life change if I truly believe it?

    Sure, all rubies have imperfections. But I am not a ruby*. I am priced far above rubies. Therefore, it makes perfect sense that the Lord would tell me to be perfect, as He is perfect, and holy, as He is holy.

    This month, I am going to try and make smiling a habit, just like it used to be. So much has happened, and I feel like I’m losing my smile. It takes 30 days to form a habit. Lord willing, I’m going to go back to taking pictures every day, and I’ll post the pictures for 31 days, and see if that makes me feel as smiley as I believe I was a few months ago.

    Smile #1: Because Jesus set me free.

    Prayer: Alright, Lord… Here we go again… I’m blessed to be led through this by You, yet again. I appreciate it. Thank You for loving me first. Help me to love You truly. Thanks for today! Please bless Rukia!!! In Jesus’ Name - Amen.

    *neither am I perfect…

  • I must tell Him…

    Posted: May 9, 2008, 10:25 am by Pea

    Jesus,

    You are teaching me that You’re real. It’s so funny how long I prayed to You and walked with You but still thought You were some faraway Being who had no idea what I was going through. I was even ashamed of You and tried to walk ahead and not be seen with You. It’s even more amazing how I never thought You cared about my feelings, how I was afraid to share some of my thoughts with You, thinking You wouldn’t care or that there were more important things to You or that my emotions did not match some standard that I felt You had set for the things that should be brought before You. I felt like my prayers would be a strange fire and I concentrated them on other people or the very basics. It took me so long to make the move to try and get to know You, because I was so consumed in my own interests. Sure, I was born again, but Lord, how patient You’ve been with my twisted motives… and even more with my seeming inability to grasp things quickly! Sometimes I feel like maybe You just cover Your face with Your hands and shake Your head and wonder what You are going to do with me, but how would that be possible – if You cover Your face, You will not see all things, and if You were to wonder, it would mean You don’t know all things. I remember reading a blog and thinking over the past few days how people think You are a Philosopher – Lord, I am sure I have been guilty of this fallacy. But I thought about it today and I remember having that epiphany in my head where I feel like I’m speaking to someone on a talk-show, and thinking to myself, “But philosophy, roughly translated, means ‘love of knowledge’. And for You to love knowledge would mean that You do not have it yet or that it is something separate from You. Yet You are both Love and Wisdom.”

    How do You feel about my random thought-processes? I feel a little strange sharing with people how I think about everything in relation to heaven… and how I am always wondering what this-and-that will be like in heaven or thanking You because I won’t have to deal with some things when I get there. If Your kingdom is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost, then it must be perfectly okay for me to live on earth with my mind on heaven, right? Because in You, I am made righteous; You have given me Your peace; and You have provided the Holy Ghost to comfort me even in the saddest moments. I can be in Your kingdom as I go through the most torturous moments on earth… and I use the word “torturous” knowing I have not resisted unto blood.

    Lord, today I thought about my spirit. If You say, “Before I formed thee in the womb, I knew thee,” and if “in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them,” and “my substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth,” then it must mean that before I was born, to You, I existed… or rather, before I was fully formed mentally and physically, I was fully formed spiritually. I have been thinking about that since the day my professor joked about a baby being circumcised on the 8th day and forgetting about it but developing an incomprehensible fear of knives later in life. Is a person fully formed spiritually while they are in the womb? Why then did John kick in Elizabeth’s belly when he recognized You in Mary’s womb?

    All these thoughts… and it’s also because I think You are showing me that something was done to me as a child that I don’t remember, but that is the reason for many of the struggles I face and many of the passions I have. I don’t know, but all I know is whatever it takes, Jesus, I want to cling to You. Thank You for orchestrating that I would not be able to live without You. It really bugs me that I have not truly loved You even thus far. I want to lay crowns at Your feet because why else did You die? And what is the reward for Your suffering if not that souls be won to You – that the heathen be Your inheritance? And You are coming so, so soon, I don’t even know what to do every time I think about it because it seems like people are sober but they are not vigilant, they are sober but they are asleep. Paul told us that that day would not come until the son of perdition be revealed. But Lord I am learning that for something to be a revelation doesn’t it have to be something that people are looking out for? The star that shone to declare Your birth was out there, but if the wise men had not been looking out, how would they have seen it? And what about the men on their way to Emmaus, how would they have known it was You if they had not invited You to dinner (lol, okay maybe I’m stretching this theory a bit but I think it applies, right?). So how would we know if the son of perdition has been revealed if we are so clueless about what is going on?

    You are teaching me that You are real. Yet You are coming so, so soon, and I don’t even know You like that yet. I remember praying often for a challenge, and You have provided one. I remember praying that You would give me friends who trust in You, and You have. I am always praying “give, give, give.” I always wonder what would happen if Paul lived today. With all the technology, Lord, with all the resources available to Your children today… how come I find it increasingly scary to ask “Lord, what will You have me to do?”

    You love me so, so much, and the other day in class as I was writing Your name in my book instead of paying attention, I remember thinking how long it had been since I had “daydreamed” about You like that! I don’t know if it was daydreaming because technically wouldn’t that involve something or someone that is absent? You are with me all the time.

    I have also discovered that I don’t know anything. I keep discovering that, and it sometimes feels new… maybe I forget or something.

    Anyway… I came today to ask You for guts. I need boldness, Lord… Remember that day I thought I heard You tell me to get up and begin to preach on the train (surely, on the TRAIN!), and You made me take a look at everyone around me and realize that You died for that lady whose toes I could see… and the old man on his way to the bathroom… and the two people beside me talking about their marriages… You died for them! And there I was on the train, fighting the urge to tell them that Your kingdom is at hand. I honestly literally felt like You were pulling me out of the seat, but somehow the thought of being in a jail-cell that night for disturbing the peace kept me put.

    I am listening to the Our Daily Bread instrumental CD and I am wondering if I really do Surrender All, and if I really do want You to Have Thine Own Way. I want to WANT You to take everything. I want to WANT to be so confident in You that I am able to take my eyes off myself and my situation. I want to WANT to do Your will… and I could be wrong – if I am, You’ll show me – but I believe all this takes GUTS. I read from someone’s site how she wants to put a smile on Your face and to be known by You as a daughter but also as a friend. Lord, I have never prayed that. Do You ever smile at people and say “Very good, My child”? Can anyone go to bed at night thinking, “The Lord is happy with me today.” Does the fact that I can’t picture it mean I have some complex? Should I desire that, or will it make me proud? I do want to make You happy… but every time I think about such things I have to stop and remind myself that You are real and closer to me than my thoughts and that this is a true, realer-than-life, relationship.

    I want Your voice to be the sound that gets me out of bed every morning. I want to do things and just make You happy. Just bless You, Lord. Because You have blessed me! When people are in love they don’t care what other people think. I want to do that. I want to be radiant every day because I hear You say every morning that You love me.

    I believe that if I get the guts to pursue You to that level, I will be a vessel unto honour. Because if I love You, I will be able to love those You have created. I will disregard man’s opinions and witness until my voice is hoarse and hug until my arms are numb and run until I finally get those footballer calves. Lol! Thank You Lord for not giving me those, and may I never think I am better than anyone because I don’t have them – Amen and lol. I want to bless people. I want to be a true friend. I still wonder how I can laugh with people if they are going to hell. What is hell, even?

    Remove the scales from my eyes, Lord. I love You so much and I want to stop saying it more than I actually live it. I want to be Your friend because You are mine. I’ve wronged You severally and I’m so sorry, I pray that You will give me the grace to just stop the foolishness and cling to You for everything. I always talk about how far I am from the mark but yet Lord even this distance I have accomplished would not have been done without You. Please give me the guts to keep going… and be my Number One always. You have inscribed my name in Your palm… let me inscribe Yours on my heart. Let everything that I accept have to go through the Guard of Your Name and be approved or disapproved by the Gauge of Your Word.

    Thank You for everything You’ve taught me. Thank You because the Living God, the God of all gods, thought about me… and loved me before my parents ever knew each other… and had a plan for me when I was probably still a concept in many minds. That probably does not make sense but I thank You for everything.

  • Rejoicing at That Time of the Month

    Posted: May 7, 2008, 7:04 pm by Pea

    **Kinda graphic… if you’re not female, read at your own risk**

    And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us (Romans 5:3-5).

    There’s a debate going on over at the Yakuti forum* about what women should do during that time of the month. I tried to post a response, but about ¼ way through, I realized that it was probably going to be too long for anyone to bear, so I decided to bring it to my blog.

    I remember I had a classmate who, during a biology lesson in either 3rd or 4th form, asked exactly how a woman’s period works. He wondered about pads and things. He did not know that the average period lasts a few days. “Do you mean it just continues dripping like a tap?” he asked, very amused, but also very surprised. He also did not know that women do not use just one pad for the entire period (unintended pun). “So you have to keep changing-changing?” He asked, still in shock. The teacher was very amused, too, as were the girls. I turned around to look at him and I asked if he was serious. It was that day, on the day that I realized a 17, 18 year old could be so clueless, that I knew for real that men have no idea what women go through. The other day, my realization was taken a step further as it hit me that whereas a woman has to see that very disgusting stuff every single month for something like 35-40 years on average, a guy will never have a SINGLE period in his LIFE!!!!! Never, never, never, never, really really! It was so fascinating to me, and this was probably less than a year ago that I thought about this. N.E.V.E.R (on that note if you are male and you see any blood within certain regions please visit your nearest emergency room).

    Can you imagine? And can you imagine if guys had to go through this? Oh my goodness! When a woman has a headache, nobody will know, except probably her girlfriend or sister or mother who will call and notice that her voice is slightly different. She will do everything as usual. But let a man get a headache! Ewoo! Disaster! The world is over! He will not go to work. It will be breakfast, lunch and dinner in bed. My professor admitted to us yesterday evening that when he has a cold, he exaggerates it just to get his family’s attention. I remember watching a show, I think it was Judge Lynn Toler, where this woman was complaining about her husband. She had so spoilt him that once, he had a cold, and she was at work. He called her up to ask her to get him something, probably the remote or something. She said, “It’s right there! Get up and get it!” He said, in agony, “I can’t! I can’t do it!” So this woman drove home and got him whatever it was he wanted! She left her job, miles away from home, to give the man something that was a few steps from the bed!

    So you can imagine! On top of having weekends, we would all have 7 days every month where people did not go to work. But the crisis is that not everybody would have their period on the same 7 days donc what would we do?

    God really put a lot of thinking into creation. He built us with the correct mechanisms to deal with whatever we need to deal with. To think that He did it in six days – yes, literal days! My Father na Bigi Man o!

    So anyway, people on the forum are talking about what to do, and I have been reading with interest because I happen to be one of those people who get those really, really bad cramps, to the point where you will be talking to me and I’ll just look at you wondering what you are saying and why you keep going on and on and even go further to expect me to reply.

    I found it really cute that one guy actually asked how to help out during this very difficult period (I keep saying that! Lol). “What should we do should we hang around, offer comforting words, or should we just stay away and shut up until it’s all over…” he said.

    Someone else said, “I kind of feel like it’s easier for a guy to say ‘relegate the flesh to the cross’ because they will never know what it’s like to have to deal with this stuff every single month! it’s not just the moodiness or whatever, it’s the bloating, lack of appetite, dizziness, headaches, backaches and cramps also, and these can just ruin anybody’s day if they try to be happy, so how do we promote a merry heart and how do we learn to focus our attention away from the pain and agony and suffering.”

    I agree with that! It’s very easy to get spiritual and tell a woman this and that and quote scripture but her tummy is still in pain, she still feels bloated and all that stuff and this life is about being practical – faith without actions is dead, type of thing.

    As I was thinking about this particular comment, two thoughts came to my mind, “Tribulation worketh patience,” and “Partaking in Christ’s sufferings.” Tribulation and patience, those I get. But I was like, par-who… par-what??? Christ’s sufferings? He was in all points tempted as we are… Okay, and yes, that means in ALL, not some or almost all… but… um… HELLO! Then the picture of the cross came to my mind, just Jesus, carrying the cross and walking up that hill, see now I am about to cry because that picture always makes me cry (it’s a good thing to think about when you’re about to do something shady – did Christ walk up that hill for me to be/do/say this?).

    Anyway. Jesus knows headaches and dizziness. He had a crown of thorns and had to carry a cross up that hill – bleeding, after being flogged. He knows what cramps are – nobody offered him anything to eat; He must have had serious hunger cramps. He knows what it’s like not to be understood. Sometimes a guy is trying to be helpful but he’s doing it out of ignorance and offering all these tips that don’t work, and all you want to say is “Shut up!” Jesus knows what that’s like. Peter meant well, but Jesus said, “Get thee behind me, Satan!” and it must have looked like a mood swing, because a few verses earlier, He had said, “Flesh and blood have not revealed this to thee, Simon son of Jonah!”

    So Jesus knows. He knows!!!! I think that’s pretty cool! You know, it’s good enough that He actually created us women and that He knows our workings. That’s just the same way a manufacturer knows his product, and even better. But for the Manufacturer to humble Himself and actually become like the product, go through what the product goes through in order to fully know what it’s like to be in those shoes… and it’s not that God didn’t know – He’s God, you see, which makes it even MORE AMAZING that it was a choice He didn’t have to make… for Him to do that for me, for you, for us, ladies…. that makes Him a worthy High Priest.

    These trials build us in patience, and in experience, and in hope, so that we are not ashamed!

    You know what someone said? One pastor said, Big Purpose, Big Palaver. Our calling is so great and so special that God offered to give us something that a man will never experience – something that a man could never survive if he experienced it. So forgive me for being graphic, but the next time you have serious cramps, or try not to look at that disgusting stuff, or feel like saying “Get thee behind me,” and have to bite your tongue to keep from adding the “Satan” because your friend is a child of God, remember, remember, remember!! JESUS KNOWS!!!!!!

    I’ll probably regret saying this in a few weeks, but I can’t wait for that time of the month, just so I can smile and say, Hmm, God, You know!!!!! You actually K.N.O.W!!!

    Prayer: Lord, me I’m thankful that the Creator of the Universe is my Father!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know!!!!!! Truly, “Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising… thou art acquainted with all my ways!” and can You imagine, Paul says one day I will know as I am known! You know me better than I know myself, and one day I, too, will know!!! I love You!!! Here is one thank You I doubt I’ve ever said: Thank You for that time of the month! The average woman has 12 months every year for about 35-40 years, to partake of Your sufferings! Hello…are we priviledged or what! Amen.

    *join join join!

  • Learning to Listen

    Posted: May 7, 2008, 4:19 pm by Pea

    **It’s Akuzike’s birthday today! She probably won’t read this but girlfriend, happy birthday!!! God bless you and give you many, many more.**

    I’ve noticed something. Not giving of myself makes me self-centred. I’ve spent so much time living alone, eating alone, sleeping alone, watching the news alone, doing my stuff alone, that I seem to be forgetting some of the crucial points of life, and my flesh seems to be trying to sway my spirit toward a world of “all about Pea.”

    Sometimes people share not because they want to be advised, but just because they need someone to listen. Simply provide their ears and receive their vents for the day. So it doesn’t help matters if I begin to lecture them when they share their heartfelt experiences. Sometimes it’s probably irritating if I begin to quote scripture to them when they’re just trying to share - and I know because I find it irritating when I can’t share my heart without someone jumping in before I’m done with their opinion of what I should change.

    Another thing people don’t need is for me to slowly turn the conversation back to myself. For someone who once was so, so conscious about using the words “I” and “me” too many times in a sentence, I have become pretty self-centred. So many times in the past month I have found myself asking, “Exactly at what point did this conversation become about me? Wasn’t he/she just sharing something about him/herself?”

    Everyone wants to be listened to. It’s not right for me to jump in every two seconds, interrupting, advising, or sharing examples about myself that relate to the situation.

    They always said I was a good listener. Now I think, maybe not so much. You’d think that years of sitting in a classroom focusing on Interpersonal Communication and PR would teach me something, huh! The lesson on “mindful listening” is playing in my head right now…

    Lord, please forgive me. You listen to so many people so many times a day. And just like I have done to my friends lately, they come and tell You about themselves, and then leave without hearing what You have to say about Yourself and Your take and Your will and Your plan and Your love for them. How do You do it, Lord? How are You able to incline Your ear to hear Your children’s cry - as I realize that those words were said by David, I have to ask, how have You been able to do it for so long, and how have You been able to continue loving to listen to us? Would You teach me? Please? I hate this feeling of things being all about me. Please forgive me, and teach me to give my ears and my time and to be Your vessel, in Jesus’ Name.

  • Learning to Listen

    Posted: May 7, 2008, 4:58 am by Pea

    **It’s Akuzike’s birthday today! She probably won’t read this but girlfriend, happy birthday!!! God bless you and give you many, many more.**

    I

    ‘ve noticed something. Not giving of myself makes me self-centred. I’ve spent so much time living alone, eating alone, sleeping alone, watching the news alone, doing my stuff alone, that I seem to be forgetting some of the crucial points of life, and my flesh seems to be trying to sway my spirit toward a world of “all about Pea.”

    Sometimes people share not because they want to be advised, but just because they need someone to listen. Simply provide their ears and receive their vents for the day. So it doesn’t help matters if I begin to lecture them when they share their heartfelt experiences. Sometimes it’s probably irritating if I begin to quote scripture to them when they’re just trying to share - and I know because I find it irritating when I can’t share my heart without someone jumping in before I’m done with their opinion of what I should change.

    Another thing people don’t need is for me to slowly turn the conversation back to myself. For someone who once was so, so conscious about using the words “I” and “me” too many times in a sentence, I have become pretty self-centred. So many times in the past month I have found myself asking, “Exactly at what point did this conversation become about me? Wasn’t he/she just sharing something about him/herself?”

    Everyone wants to be listened to. It’s not right for me to jump in every two seconds, interrupting, advising, or sharing examples about myself that relate to the situation.

    They always said I was a good listener. Now I think, maybe not so much. You’d think that years of sitting in a classroom focusing on Interpersonal Communication and PR would teach me something, huh! The lesson on “mindful listening” is playing in my head right now…

    Lord, please forgive me. You listen to so many people so many times a day. And just like I have done to my friends lately, they come and tell You about themselves, and then leave without hearing what You have to say about Yourself and Your take and Your will and Your plan and Your love for them. How do You do it, Lord? How are You able to incline Your ear to hear Your children’s cry - as I realize that those words were said by David, I have to ask, how have You been able to do it for so long, and how have You been able to continue loving to listen to us? Would You teach me? Please? I hate this feeling of things being all about me. Please forgive me, and teach me to give my ears and my time and to be Your vessel, in Jesus’ Name.

  • Posing

    Posted: May 6, 2008, 4:04 am by Pea

  • Apple Cider Vinegar

    Posted: May 2, 2008, 10:57 am by Pea

    I currently have all my usual symptoms of stress - migraines, huge Mt. Kenya pimples on the left side of my face (when I am stressed they are on the left in the northwest kind of), splitting nails, irritability and of course… my sinuses are bugging me.

    I remembered my friend E had told me once that apple cider vinegar helps with her sinuses but I was always too lazy to go look for some. Last night I decided to try it so I went to Wal-Mart and got a bottle.

    I was so hungry but I don’t like having sinus infections so I decided cider first, food later.

    I got a GLASS and poured like half the bottle of apple cider vinegar. It looked like ginger ale. I eagerly took a GULP of the stuff and wa somewhere between my mouth and my tummy I remembered that yes the words apple and cider feature in this thing but the key word is VINEGAR…

    What was I thinking?

    That one gulp really helped, though. It was a little traumatizing and so for now I shall resort to prayer to cure me but if you do need to take apple cider vinegar please don’t forget like me and try to take a whole glass!

    Shalom.

  • Tu Things-Things

    Posted: May 1, 2008, 8:02 pm by Pea

    My current state:

    I have written six papers and four articles in the past 24 hours and (to be a little Kenyan) all I can say is it is those ones of, I am just not believing. I have to rush this because I am going to give a presentation at 2 and I think Rachael is worried about my ability to function so she wants us to meet at 1. But of course I found a way to weave Kenya into the whole situation and I am even going to be showing Lucy Kibaki storming Nation to elaborate on a point that I had no words for but which ties to what we are saying so of course I intend to make it to this thing. Yakuti is down and Tech says it will be down for at least two weeks. I say God forbid. My ex is in town and wants to see me – to that I also say, God forbid.

    I am thankful for:

    Sanity. Every time I look back on my life, I praise the Lord that I am not mad, that His peace guards my mind and heart and that He has given me the Spirit of power, love and a sound mind. This issue, sound mind, depends on who you ask. It is hard for certain people to understand that a person can actually live for God. Or love Him. Or even believe He exists. Also, Mama often says I was switched at the hospital.

    Sisters. I love my sisters. They bless me. I miss them, but that’s okay because God is with them like He is with me.

    The Holy Spirit. I know He is the reason for my peace and He urges me to continue when I just want to stop, drop everything and roll over in bed and sleep.

    A Five-Minute-Ago Epiphany:

    I have just realized that human beings deserve neither heaven nor hell. Hell is reserved for the devil and his angels, and heaven is reserved for the holy. Human beings are neither devils nor holy. We are given just two options, heaven or hell – grace, or justice – and granted a space of time in between – earth – to decide which of the two undeserved options we would love to claim for ourselves, for eternity. I think that’s very deep.

    My Biggest Question for the Week:

    My biggest question for the week is about BROKENNESS and I don’t think it is just one question.

    Must God use a broken pot? Am I only useful to God broken and discombobulated? Really really?

    What I would like to be doing right now:

    Sitting in a dark booth, watching a producer motion to me, or hearing him make fun of me when my voice gets that accidental croak… and singing! I just want to sing without making noise for the guy who lives below me. And I feel like God won’t let me sing YET. I don’t understand. Or… HAHAHAHA… maybe I’ll burst people’s eardrums! In His loving way, He just might be looking out for the world.

    Does love mean understanding everything? I love the Lord so, so much, but I just don’t get Him sometimes! The most painful part of certain things for me is that God allows them to happen and I have asked Him so many times, “God I know that You don’t like it that this is happening to me/him/her/them… I know that You are afflicted in our affliction… but You are God! You can prevent it! Why don’t You! Why didn’t You!” It’s so painful. I think love means going on and being faithful even when you just don’t get it. I think love means not having to get it to be able to function.

    Also, I have had two long cries (cry’s?) this week. I don’t know if I properly counted the cost but I think me with my “flair” for Math, I miscalculated somewhere. I still love the Lord, though. I pray that He teaches me to love in deed as well as in word. These things are easy to say.

    Ah well. Back to work.

    Prayer: Lord, please don’t let me be weary OF well doing…

  • Far from Over

    Posted: April 29, 2008, 1:23 am by Pea

    One change in my life that is a direct result of God’s grace is the fact that I actually feel certain things nowadays, like embarrassment.

    I’m only just catching up on Kenyan news videos after a crazy weekend. I have just watched last Friday’s Bull’s eye and my hand covered my mouth as Otieno Kajwang sang his “Bado Mapambano” in a way that makes me almost hate the song now. When Museveni asked,  “Raila’s party is what?” I covered my face and cringed until I heard Raila say, “Honourable Yoweri Kaguta Museveni, president of the Republic of Tanzania.” Then I cringed some more. And peeped to check out his expression.

    Yesu tusaidie. The drama is so far from over. I say keep your eyes on these two men, Raila and Museveni. There’s something that has been brewing there for years.As for our country… it’s over. I thought my generation might be the key, but it’s my very generation that used 19 pages on Facebook to talk about the reason why one man can never be the president of Kenya. That reason? He has a foreskin.

    I think I should resolve not to complain about a president. I hated on Moi with everyone else, and now I kind of miss him. I should stop hating on Kibaki. You never know. Our next government, if we get to that stage, might make things so much worse for us. So we had “leeks and onions” with Moi. No need for me to want to go back there. The crisis we went through as a country was an opportunity for us to see God’s grace. He is in control, after all.

    But cringe!

  • Deep

    Posted: April 25, 2008, 10:01 am by Pea

    Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away (Song 2:10)

    Lo, I hear the voice of my Beloved! He speaks to me! Fair weather is smiling upon the face of the earth, and he would not have me spiritually asleep while nature is all around me awaking from her winter’s rest. He bids me “Rise up,” and well he may, for I have long enough been lying among the pots of worldliness. He is risen, I am risen in him, why then should I cleave unto the dust? From lower loves, desires, pursuits, and aspirations, I would rise towards him. He calls me by the sweet title of “My love,” and counts me fair; this is a good argument for my rising. If he has thus exalted me, and thinks me thus comely, how can I linger in the tents of Kedar and find congenial associates among the sons of men? He bids me “Come away.” Further and further from everything selfish, grovelling, worldly, sinful, he calls me; yea, from the outwardly religious world which knows him not, and has no sympathy with the mystery of the higher life, he calls me. “Come away” has no harsh sound in it to my ear, for what is there to hold me in this wilderness of vanity and sin? O my Lord, would that I could come away, but I am taken among the thorns, and cannot escape from them as I would. I would, if it were possible, have neither eyes, nor ears, nor heart for sin. Thou callest me to thyself by saying “Come away,” and this is a melodious call indeed. To come to thee is to come home from exile, to come to land out of the raging storm, to come to rest after long labour, to come to the goal of my desires and the summit of my wishes. But Lord, how can a stone rise, how can a lump of clay come away from the horrible pit? O raise me, draw me. Thy grace can do it. Send forth thy Holy Spirit to kindle sacred flames of love in my heart, and I will continue to rise until I leave life and time behind me, and indeed come away.

    - Spurgeon

  • Ms. Nascar Foot

    Posted: April 25, 2008, 9:38 am by Pea

    My life is like my driving.

    My driving instructor way back was called Steve.

    On my first driving lesson, I almost ran into a red car, head-on. I could not figure out how to make a left turn. I turned into the wrong lane. Thank God Steve had a brake pedal on his side. All I could do was scream. I think I was stepping on the gas. But Steve’s stronger foot was on the brake, as was the driver of the red car’s. The two cars came to a halt inches from each other. The guy in the red car understood, I think. Steve asked me to pull over. I was so, so scared, embarrassed and frustrated. I could not figure out how to pull into the street! I looked at Steve and said I didn’t think I could do it and I wanted to go home. I’d been driving for an hour anyway. He looked at me and firmly said I was going to continue with my lesson for the day. And I did. And he was nice. He said, “Very good,” every time I did something right. Finally, I had the turn! Steve said, “Very good!” but as he did, I looked at him proudly and I ended up driving into the wrong lane again. My life is kind of like that lately. When something goes wrong, I tell God I don’t want to do it anymore, I’ll try it again another day. Every time I fail, I feel crushed, I feel like getting born again all over again. But Christ died once, and paid for all. And God says it’s okay, He forgives and forgets, so what right have I to remember? The lesson is not over – I have to keep moving. And every time I do something right and let my pride turn me to the thing itself, I forget the road, and end up almost driving into someone.

    Steve was always talking to me as I drove. “Look, a rabbit,” he would say. Or, “nice house!”

    After two or three lessons, I could hold a conversation comfortably as I drove. Mama and Sojourner Ruth were surprised when I could talk as I practised with them. Soon, I could even glance at people. I gained confidence. I began to overspeed. “Developing a little Nascar Foot there, huh,” Steve said. And from that day, he called me Miss Nascar Foot. He occasionally had to remind me to check my speed.

    Once I get the hang of things, if I allow the things to take my full attention, I tend to move with them, a little impatiently. I like to get things done and begin on the next process. God usually has to do something in my life that says “SLOW”. That’s why I always say He is in the business of messing up my plans. It’s not that He is a bad God or that He does not want me to succeed. It’s just that I need to understand that the vision is for the appointed time and trying to get it to manifest beforehand is a waste because it won’t happen or it will be premature and therefore disastrous. By His grace I am learning to be more patient and to understand that as it happened with Joseph, a dream today does not necessarily mean a reality tomorrow. That’s why faith is the substance of things hoped for. It’s not worldly hope. It’s hope, it’s real, it’s coming, it’s there but it’s not there. Yet.

    Steve also called me the Green Light Princess. I think I got like 5 stop signs in all our driving lessons. Every time I approached a light, it would turn green, so it took a while before I got the hang of braking in time. It’s the same way with my life. I’m so used to getting things done, because I’ve always gotten them when I wanted them. I was a little spoilt, perhaps. I didn’t have to study hard, but I always passed. I didn’t have to exert myself in Biology because the guys would dissect the gory animals for me and hold out the parts so I could examine them. I didn’t have to shop for clothes, all I had to do was tell Mama what I needed and she would get it for me, even as recently as last year. If I needed to go somewhere all I had to do was find the driver and tell him where to take me. Teachers loved me, mothers told their daughters they wished they were like Paula. I remember one cousin of mine was really angry with me for a long time because her mother kept comparing her to me. Getting green lights in all areas of life made it harder for me to stop and smell the roses, or to wait for processes and purposes and promises. “Wait” is a word I find very difficult to deal with. “Stop” is probably worse. But as always, God’s grace is sufficient. Why would I need Him if I had arrived?

    My foot is always on the brake. It’s almost something instinctive. If I am in the driver’s seat, my foot will hover on the brake if the car is running, or rest on it if it’s off. It’s probably because during my first driving lesson, Mama said, “The brake is your friend,” over and over again. The other week, my cousin and I went to visit an uncle. He was not home when we got there at night. We waited in the car for him. My cousin was looking around when he noticed the red light on the spoiler. “Is your foot on the brake?” he asked, very amused. I said yes, and told him it was a habit.

    I still think the brake is my friend. And that’s a little like my life lately. Nothing can surprise me anymore, and I go into dealings with human beings realistically, not expecting things to go perfectly. I understand full well that the devil is a liar. I don’t get excited over material things, or at least I don’t think I do. The only people I truly trust are God and my family, and I know that being human, it’s alright for even my family to let me down. My foot hovers on the brake in almost every area of my life, so that if something goes wrong, I can stop. Although it’s probably not right, it’s very easy for me to shake people off or “flush” them out of my life if I feel they are a threat to my peace. Because I’ve listened too much to people, I’ve begun to second-guess myself. God almost has to “shout” (repeat things over and over) for me to believe He’s speaking.

    I drive with my left hand between 7 and 8 o’clock, or my right hand between 4 and 5, with the other hand either texting or resting on the door. If I am driving someone, except my cousin for whom I will have my hands on 10 and 2 and mess up just to humour him, I will keep checking on them to see if they’re comfortable. I don’t know what this means. Probably the way I multitask. I have too many things going on in my life. That’s why I love it that the King far above all principalities and powers is my God and has called Himself my Friend..

    I talk to God as I drive. It’s a lot of fun. I apologize for my mistakes or just randomly praise Him. The fact that I can even drive is a miracle from Him anyway. I talk to Him almost all the time in life, too. I think I look a little “out there” but I enjoy doing it . He is real. He is my closest friend. I don’t have to say anything, but He wants me to. He loves to hear my voice. So I talk to Him, and I try to listen sometimes. But I think I talk more than I listen.

    I get lost a whole lot. My sense of direction is very poor. If I don’t have a map or someone with me, forget it. I usually have to visit a place a few times to get the hang of the directions. One day a few years ago when the school bus left me, I had to get a ride to school from my brother (who happens to be bad with directions too, but better than me I think). I realized that from a certain point, I did not know the way to school. It was my last year in the school. I had been there three years. And I did not know the way. We found it, eventually. But I’m like that with directions. I think I just don’t pay attention, or something. Sojourner Ruth and Mama always tell me I must look where I’m going. And as far as I’m concerned, I always ogle the roads I’m on, whether I’m driving or being driven. But if I don’t know the way and I don’t have google maps and you don’t say, “turn left,” we’ll miss the turn because I won’t remember it.

    And that’s how my life is. If I forget my Bible, voila – I am lost and kaput. For real. I need God for everything. I need Him every hour. He is my sustenance, and He has made it that way. He has chosen me in the furnace of affliction, and He has ordained that my life be such that if I choose to stray from Him, I will find no peace of mind, until I go to Him and confess. He lifted me out from miry clay. He knows the clay He lifted me from. He gives me direction. He says, “this is the way, walk in it.” With Him, I can drive with my eyes closed (but I have to learn to stop peeping) because all I have to do is listen to Him and move. Even if I saw a looming cliff before I closed my eyes, then if He says I should go straight ahead, I will go. He won’t take me to the edge of the cliff and let me crash. He will be with me and it will be a blessed opportunity for Him to airlift me to safety.

    If I go my own way, I will not fit in. I will have no peace. But goodness and mercy follow me all the days of my life, and it is that goodness and mercy that lifted me out of the valley of the shadow of death into the heights of eternal life. I want to run that I may obtain. I don’t want to break the rules. I want to run the race and fight the good fight and finish the course. And I doubt I can do it. In fact, I am pretty sure I can’t - not on my own. But in Him, I can do all things, I can let go of the brake, I can remember the speed limit, I can brake in time, I can learn to listen, and I can run to obtain, finish the course, fight and win.

    Fin.

  • Faraja’s Tag

    Posted: April 24, 2008, 9:56 am by Pea
    Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits (Psalm 103:2)

    Faraja tagged me.

    I have to dig into my archives and find links to my five fave blog posts.

    Link 1 must be about family. Link 2 must be about friends. Link 3 must be about yourself. Link 4 must be about something you love. Link 5 can be anything you choose.

    Here we go.

    About family: I realized just how private I am! But here, I’m sure on this page there’s something about my family.

    About friends: Here’s a post I haven’t read in a long time. It wasn’t one of my faves, but it got a lot of comments and got me a few new blogger friends. Somehow I couldn’t import all my old comments when I changed to self-hosting.

    Link 3 must be about myself. Do the 5 links have to be different? Can I put the first link here as well? Here’s something I wrote from my heart. I have since learnt to be careful what I pray for, because God listens. Here’s another.

    Mkay! We’re making progress! :) Link 4: Something (Someone?) I love: Here! Woo to the hoo.

    Link 5: I don’t know how I remembered this, but… This is a letter I found really sweet, that was in response to a letter I wrote to my future hubby. It blessed me. Thank God he didn’t post it as a comment on my blog, because it would have been lost along with my other comments. I wonder what happened to Degstar. We even emailed a few times. Then he disappeared. Or was it I who disappeared. Either way… God bless him. I have not read the post in over a year, but I’m putting the link in this post so that I know where to find it if I find the time to sit down and read it again. I’d like to say at this juncture that I don’t endorse his views or his blog (mainly because I haven’t read them or it in such a long time and even when I did it was not constant so I don’t really know what’s on there).

    Blessings! Who to tag! It’s 1:54am. I can’t think of anyone. I’m tagging YOU right there reading this.

    Random, but God bless Faraja. She’s one of those women… she blesses my socks off. Rare ruby! God bless you big big big, Faraja, and thanks so much for your friendship and support.

  • Node Six Uganda, Hopefully the Last Time

    Posted: April 24, 2008, 2:12 am by Pea

    5:24pm.

    Just a response to the entry on their site. I don’t understand why Christians would have beef. Will we survive in one same heaven? Do we serve the same God? How are we brothers and sisters? Am I the confused one here? Or, perhaps, the lost one? It’s funny how after years and years, now magazines want to interview me about the DnG story, because they discovered that everything I told them in 2004 was true. Lol! They have since learnt that I am not looking for fame, and I am laughing really heartily right now because I can’t imagine that that whole episode almost broke me! And I am so, so, so far from where I used to be!!!! Jesus loves me too much, I owe Him my life and praise ETERNELLEMENT. Anyway. Hurr we go.

    1. “Node Six Under Attack” - there’s a difference between attacking and pointing out truth, but people who like to do things in the dark will feel attacked when light is shed on their works.

    …men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God (John 3:19b-21).

    Let me make this clear one more time. I have no problem with non-Christian organizations or companies ripping people off. They are doing what is their norm. I will, however, talk about and expose people and organizations who claim to be Christian, and hide under/ take advantage of that “umbrella” and people’s trust to make themselves untouchable for every deliberate crime. I agree that the Lord said “touch not Mine anointed.” But not everyone is God’s anointed.

    Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh (James 3:12).

    2. “My comments on her blog are being moderated, so people have no idea of our side of the saga. She is choosing only specific sections of my email and comments that work to her benefit, essentially, my hands are tied.”

    This is actually for everyone who has posted a comment on my blog. I’ve been busy lately. I am very sensitive about the comments I allow. I’m sure you’ve seen that ugly banner on the right that you are supposed to click on before you post a comment. I am VERY glad that the Node Six CEO’s words have exposed him. He says “comments”, plural, but there is only one comment in his name. Why? Because he posted one comment as himself, and another two or three as someone else. I am very observant and one of those picky scrutinizers who will probably notice if I miss a breadcrumb when I am cleaning the dining table. So it was natural for me to pick up on the fact that “Andrew’s” email address, more than once, was “andrewk@gmail.om“, the “c” conspicuously missing, meaning it was not a real email address. Secondly, Andrew K and Node Six have the exact same IP address, which I will not spell out here for their privacy. When I asked him about it, he said YelloAccess/MTN has many customers and they have the same IP no matter where they are.

    Clearly, he does not know that the bulk of my traffic is from Uganda, or that I monitor my traffic every day, or even that I know about YelloAccess and IP addresses.

    I could be wrong. I doubt it, but I could be wrong.

    I really advise against trying to be funny with me on the internet, especially if you don’t want me to know who you are.

    There are many comments I’ve not approved because I’ve not read them. Mr. CEO’s comment seemed to be promoting himself, and “Andrew’s” I found insulting because I hate it when people think I’m stupid. It’s a pride issue I’m working on. I reserve the right to approve or reject or spam comments that are going to take up internet space that I pay for.

    If I posted Mr. CEO’s entire emails here, I would be accused of violating his privacy. Every section I posted was put in its context and I only posted sections relevant to what I was talking about. Monsieur Benge, if you would like to see more of your emails on my blog, please let me know. By the way, this is not for my benefit. Aside from the fact that it’s a nuisance to an extent, I have since met many web designers, and many more after this series, and in fact, as I have said before, I am going to link to their sites as soon as I can, so that I can help in raising awareness about the fact that people have options when it comes to these things.

    3. The same person who, during the Kenyan crisis, asked me as a christian to make for her “Please pray for Kenya” banners, of which I put one prominently on our site for a month, the same person who has asked me, as a christian to keep her several times in prayer. Does that make me/us righteous? Not in the least, our works do not make us righteous, but only His grace. What it does show, is where I stand. And she knows that.

    Sorry I asked for help with the banners. My Photoshop was acting up. And I made some too, dude. How does this prove your stand? I’ve had banners done by non-Christians for Christian causes at my school, for Uganda (and yes, also Kenya), for malaria, for my church. Um, does that show their religious stand? Nope.

    4. At Node Six, we are not ashamed of Jesus Christ.
    I will repeat that, we are not ashamed of Christ.

    You do not know how much of a blessing that is!!!!!! And the fact that it’s on your website really does give it serious credibility. I am blessed by these two lines, but I really hope you did that out of principle and love for Jesus not as a rebuttal for my blog or to maintain Christian customers.

    And yes, congratulations on holding fellowship every Tuesday morning (Oprah does the same every Monday night), fasting (see Acts 23:12-14), tithing (maybe you made God richer), and never complaining (from the phone conversations we had, this is a blatant lie, but congratulations nonetheless). And looky! - I think you just messed up your reward (Matt 6:3-5).

    5. “As Christians, we are not perfect, we do not claim to be so and we most definitely do not go around accusing other people of being non-christians or trashing their faith. What kind of example would we be if we were to point fingers? Who are we to judge what they are and what they are not? We have our flaws, like everyone else, and it is only by God’s grace that we can wake up everyday and call ourselves children of God.”

    If my memory serves me right, I did not say you are not Christian. Iwe, Oprah is “Christian” too, and forgive me for using her as a constant example. The fact is that like all of us, you have done some non-Christian things and my responsibility as your friend is to call you out just like I would hope that you’d call me out if I go and turn a ministry into some profit business venture or steal funds from the humanitarian efforts towards Kenya or start keeping money for myself that belongs to organizations I’m affiliated with. Or, yup… rip someone off. I think I judged you righteously but if I didn’t, forgive me, and if you will watch me sin and shut up about it, I don’t want your friendship. You are so right - who am I to judge you unrighteously? Do you know where God brought me from? Do you have any idea what He’s doing in my life? But does that give me an excuse to go around sinning and abusing His grace? (Hint: the answer is a two-letter word that starts with N.)

    “To be frank, I absolutely do not care whether someone thinks we are born again/christians or not. Who are we supposed to please in our works? Man or God? What I care about is someone telling the whole world things about us that are obviously a lie. Spreading facts that you cannot even verify.”

    I don’t feel like pasting the emails, but I am glad you have come to your senses. You CONSTANTLY said “Paula, we cannot please you no matter what we do,” and you said it even a few weeks ago, and I am glad that you now agree with me that it should not matter to you what I think because I did not die for you. Welcome to the Galatians 1:10 principle. But you are still caring about the wrong thing. “What I care about is someone telling the whole world things about us that are obviously a lie.”

    1. What you care about. So when do we begin to think about what God cares about?

    2. Someone telling the whole world - Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him (1 Jn 2:15). The things that are in the world include the opinions of the world. How many times did (and does) Jesus complain about what people told (and tell) the whole, wide world about Him?

    Where is your focus? If you turn your eyes upon Jesus, and I pray that I will remember this too, the things of earth will grow STRANGELY dim. Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in thee. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

    If you are being falsely accused and persecuted unfairly for Christ’s sake, look at what He has to say:

    Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you (Matt 5:11-12).

    If you are innocent, celebrate! So you say this is persecution? Rejoice and be exceeding glad, my brother. Great is your reward in heaven! Amen.

    God looks at man’s heart, not at the outward appearances. We know where our faith lies, and we know who our God is, and we know who our saviour is. The entire team at Node Six can testify to that.

    Good. God looks at man’s heart and exposes it for its wickedness (Jeremiah 17:9). Maybe my heart is the wicked one here! Pray for me!

    As for knowing who your saviour is, and picky P noticed the small “s”, so does Oprah! Your faith, your God, your saviour, may not be the same as mine. Do we serve the same God? If we do, why would we have beef? Why are you allowing this to drive you to bitterness?

    I won’t talk about this anymore, but let God be our witness.
    I’ll wait for her to raise all her professional and business grievances and then handle that side of the story.

    Alors, why the contradiction? You won’t talk about it but you’ll handle that side of the story how?

    Lastly, be comforted by the words of Paul in Romans 8:33:

    Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God’s elect? It is God that justifieth.

    5:44pm - that’s just to show that it takes me a whole lot shorter to write a blog entry than most people think, and so it’s easier for me to blog than to do many other things.

    Prayer: Jesus, please hear the prayer in my heart. A year, a month, maybe even a few days from today, I might not remember it, but please hear it and help me, and answer me, and reveal Yourself to those who seek You. Thank You because You are coming soon.

  • What Does it Say in the Greek Version!

    Posted: April 23, 2008, 10:52 am by Pea

    I just got an email that’s given me my laugh for the night. You can imagine how tired my laugh sounds, seeing as it’s 2:46am. The email was serious, but it reminded me of a funny thing I always do. You probably won’t find it funny but it’s hilarious to me.

    Many times, if I read a verse that I don’t particularly agree with, and if I find I’m losing my “lawyerly” debate with God (upon taking His offer to “come, and let us reason together”, and then realizing that I am completely without reason in the matter), I will say, “Lord! I’ll get back to You. I have to see what it says in the Greek.”

    I don’t know why I call it THE Greek… and it’s not like I can even read Greek… but…

    And then, today I was slightly mad at God for putting my patience to the test, and I remembered my prayer a few months ago: “Lord, give me patience -now!” I think I blogged that one.

    Lol.

    I don’t know. God knows everything, and He knows the end from the beginning, but sometimes I can’t help thinking that He looks at me, shakes His head and says something like, “What am I going to do with this one!”

  • Epiphanies 3: Righteous Judgment

    Posted: April 22, 2008, 9:05 am by Pea

    Click here to read Epiphanies 1

    Click here to read Epiphanies 2

     Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment. Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way (Matt 7:1-2; John 7:24; Rom 14:13).

    I should not judge my brothers and sisters (Matt 7:1; Rom 14:13a). With the same measure I mete, it shall be meted to me again (Matt 7:2), but at the same time I should judge righteous judgment (John 7:24), and judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way (Rom 14:13b).

    Many people do not understand that when I say “God said do not do this” or “the Word of God says it is like this,” I am not trying to place a burden on them, and in fact, I am putting myself in worse straits than the trouble I seem to be putting them in. With the same measure I give, it shall be given to me. So if I say “women should submit,” then I have immediately made myself accountable to be a submissive woman. If I say “it is wrong to take alcohol,” then if I take even a sip, I am guilty of that which I said should not be done. If I say that a woman should remain chaste until marriage, then God forbid that I am found living an unchaste life. Woe unto me if this ever be the case, for I will be punished, and in fact will receive a greater damnation (Luke 20:46-47, Matt 23:15, for example), because I have made myself a master (James 3:1), and risked being a stumbling-block (Rom 14:13).

    This does not mean I should be passive or silent about sin, or afraid to point it out. I am called to live like my Saviour, who was unashamed and unafraid to call sin what it was – S.I.N. If a person is not walking in God, whether or not this person is my friend, I should not try to be politically correct about it. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. Let the righteous rebuke me; it shall be a kindness.

    If I can’t love you enough to say that you are walking in sin when you are, then I don’t love you and cannot call myself your friend. And if the Lord leads me to rebuke you and I let that moment pass, then if you end up in hell, I am accountable for it in some way. That’s the essence of being a watchman, and that’s who God has called me to be, as He has specifically told me several times (Ezek 3, Ezek 33).

    If Jesus had not called out the Pharisees, then He could not have claimed to be Love.
    We stand only by God’s grace. I am not supposed to try and save anyone. I am not called to convict anyone to repentance. God only asks me to speak. He does the rest.

    While I do this, I should never get comfortable in my righteousness. This is one reason I should not forsake the assembly of the brethren, and I should watch the company I keep. If I keep company with true Christians, then they will call me out, too, when I mess up.

    Have I ever mentioned Jesus to the people I claim to love who are not born again? If not, I cannot claim to love them, because I am smiling and laughing and eating and drinking with them, while they are on their way to hell, and I am comfortable in my life of salvation, knowing I am going to heaven, yet I am told that Andrew first findeth his brother Simon (John 1:41). Do I deserve to go to heaven, if I am this kind of friend?

  • Epiphanies 2: One in a Hundred Thousand

    Posted: April 22, 2008, 8:42 am by Pea

    Click here to read Epiphanies 1

    Let this mind be in you, which also was in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: but made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name that is above every name (Phil 2:5-9).

    The Lord placed man in the Garden of Eden and said, “Eat of every single tree, but do not touch or eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil” (Genesis 2:16-17, paraphrase).

    EVERY SINGLE TREE. How many tree species exist today? Approximately 100,000, according to the World Resources Institute. So the Garden of Eden was probably in this ballpark, seeing as that was where everything began.

    Out of the hundreds of thousands of trees, the devil tricked Eve into focusing on ONE tree – the one that she had been “denied.” Yet in this denial, was a blessing. “In the day that thou eatest thereof, thou shalt surely die.” In other words, “If thou eatest not thereof, thou shalt never die.”

    The devil lied to Eve that God was holding back a blessing from her. He first of all misquoted God. “Hath God said, ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?”

    Call me petty, but this is NOT what God said. God said, “Of every tree of the garden, THOU MAYEST FREELY EAT: but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it, for in the day that thou eatest thereof, thou shalt surely die” (Gen 2:16). Freely! Of every tree, except ONE! In other words, if there were 100,000 different kinds of trees, and one tree of every kind, then that means Adam and Eve had at least 99,000 trees to explore!

    The devil then told Eve outright that God had lied to her, and then made her think that knowing good and evil would make her equal to a god (Gen 3:4-5).

    How was she reeled in? She was made to forget all the other hundreds of thousands of species that she could eat of. Apples, pears, mangoes, bananas, guava, strawberries, peaches, watermelons, papaya (people say the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was sex, but why would the Bible, which is so candid about sex, hide this fact? I think it was a literal fruit, until and unless God tells me otherwise in heaven)… coconuts, oranges, tangerines, mandarin, even the veggies, everything that was a tree and had fruit was game, except for one! And she was made to forget all the beautiful trees and focus on the one that she had been denied.

    That’s the same thing with submission. Women today cannot seem to make the very convenient connection between the root of the debate about women pastors and the origins of the feminist movement. It is abomination, even among Christian circles, to state that a man should be the head of his house. Women have been made to forget all the blessings, the at least over 99,000 trees, that lie in store for them. And the men who are too cowardly to go to the frontline and take up responsibility are not helping matters.

    As a woman, I should understand the power of submission. In submitting to a man in the right circles, I will NOT be made unequal to him in any way. I should not have any part in rebellion, because that is witchcraft (1 Sam 15:23).

    Submission does not mean inferiority. Jesus Christ submitted to His Father. Let this mind be in you, which also was in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: but made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name that is above every name (Phil 2:5-9).

    Jesus Christ submitted to His Father and obeyed Him, but this does not make Him any less God than God the Father. They are equal. And in His submission, Jesus was exalted and given a name above every name.

    I love what Adrian Rogers said. A man is infinitely superior to a woman at being a man, and a woman is infinitely superior to a man at being a woman. They are equal before God and should not try to take on each other’s roles. Peter called women the “weaker vessels.” Why should that insult anyone? Adrian Rogers pointed out, in the same sermon where he gave this saying, that canvas is stronger than silk, but that does not make it any better. Steel is stronger than glass, and won’t break if you drop it, but that does not make it any more precious.

    I should not think I have been denied anything if I am called to submit. I will only be blessed if I remain in the role in which I have been called and for which I have been created. The world will say it is foolishness, and yes, even the apostate church will not condone it, but the God of the Bible remains the same to this day, and will not change with times, seasons, fashion or trends. Nobody should lie to me that I have less “anointing” if I refuse to exalt myself to roles for which I was not created. Neither should I feel cheated that I am not allowed to walk in disobedience.

    As for “I suffer not a woman to teach” being just for the Corinthian church, nobody has ever found the words to explain why Paul said, “for Adam was created, then Eve,” taking us back to the very beginning – the book of Genesis, the origin, our first chapter of life, where everything started and was done in the same model as should be followed today. It is because of this story of our beginnings, for example, that we know that a man shall leave father and mother, and cleave unto his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. And it’s also for this reason that we know we don’t have apes for ancestors.

    The same lie that Eve bought, so many are buying today. “Yea, hath God said?”

    Go to Epiphanies 3

  • Epiphanies 1: The White Pants that Turned Yellow

    Posted: April 22, 2008, 8:37 am by Pea

    Do not be deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners (1 Corinthians 15:33).

    Yesterday evening, I had to go to the library to do a group project. I wanted to do my laundry before that, but I didn’t have much time o enough quarters, so I decided to throw everything into the washer at once. I try not to mix my whites with other colors, and I don’t like to mix my night clothes with my day clothes (I feel like it’s unhygienic to put the stuff I sleep in in the same load as the stuff I have been walking around all over with, resting my behind and leaning my back on chairs whose occupants I do not know, for example). But yesterday, I just threw everything together.

    As I was putting my clothes in the dryer, I noticed that my whites had turned yellowish – a very dirty, ugly, almost-greenish yellow! I looked at them and decided that I would find some time to Shout! them when I had more quarters to spend on that greedy machine.

    The load of laundry was exceptionally big and so I didn’t manage to fold everything last night.

    This afternoon, as I was folding the last batch of my clothes, I realized that a pair of white pants that I love had turned yellowish! They are the kind that you wear when you’re lazing around in the house… warm, cotton, slightly too big, with a string on the waist that you tie. They are great for watching Adrian Rogers and taking a mug of hot chocolate.

    They were supposed to be white. THEY WERE YELLOWISH GREEN! In very ugly patches, too! I felt so bad as I folded them, thinking, “Well, guess which pants I’m not going to use next winter!”

    And then I asked the Lord, “How come it’s always the white clothes that get stained?”

    In other words, how come, when I mix my whites with different colors, my whites get all the colours, but my colours don’t get white?

    And in that instant, the Lord reminded me of something. Some people can fellowship with just anyone, and live the same kind of life – go through the washer and dryer and come out unchanged, but true soldiers of God must watch the people with whom they interact. If they throw themselves into the laundry with “coloured” clothes, unequally yoked, going through the same procedures, they will not have the same results, and rather than the whites making everything white, it is the whites that will become coloured.

    I was blessed by that insight into why Christians should stop making excuses for going to the club and doing everything sinful under the guise of winning souls for Christ.

    Go to Epiphanies 2

  • British Airways Must Apologize to Nigerians

    Posted: April 21, 2008, 9:39 am by Pea

    …Or Kenyans might be next.

    I am still reading this story about how 136 Nigerian passengers were forced off a British Airways plane for no apparent reason.

    Read it too, and if it moves you on some level, please go to this website, scroll down and sign the petition (I don’t think you have to be Nigerian to do it).

    The elections last year taught me that the template for Africa is the same everywhere, and it is only a matter of time before the issues my fellow Africans face strike my own country. That should not be my motivation, however. This is serious injustice. I don’t know why I haven’t heard about it for almost a month since it happened, but better late than never, I guess.

    So not random: What would Jesus do?

    Shalom.

    PS: World Malaria Day is April 25th. What have you done about malaria?

  • Slice of Project Fame

    Posted: April 18, 2008, 9:14 pm by Pea

    A few days… maybe weeks… ago, a friend of mine called to ask me how Valentino (it could have been Valerio or something, but I’m pretty sure it was Valentino) could have been evicted. I said, “Valentino who? Evicted from where?” and she went on about Project Fame and how I could watch it live and all that. I knew Project Fame was on but I remember the first time I read about it, I thought, “I am not going to follow that foolishness.”

    I woke up at some point last night and was having trouble going back to sleep, so I called my baby sister to see how she was doing. It was great to hear her voice, especially since I’m un peu homesick.

    In between the updates, she remembered something.

    “Oh, oh, oh!” she said to me. “[name] is on Project Fame!!”

    My first reaction was, “Aww! Good for him!” then I said, “Ah. He probably had hookups – [bigshot producer] is his cousin.” I don’t know why I hated like that! but God forgive me.

    My sister laughed and dismissed my mean comment. “He’s actually not bad looking at all,” she said. “And he can really sing!”

    I laughed heartily as I remembered the days, way, way back, when [name] and I would talk about our passion for music and sing for each other on the phone and despite the fact that Tedd Josiah had told me when I was about thirteen that I needed voice training (lol I was not amused with Tedd for that, but I actually realized that he had a point – everyone can improve on some level), dude actually said I had a beautiful voice and it was his comment and enthusiasm that kept me forcing on music. And… I admired his passion, but I didn’t think he could sing that well. That was probably over ten years ago. Things change.

    My sister told me to go to the Project Fame website and see for myself how great he was doing. I still thought it was “foolishness” but I decided to check it out anyway. My first reaction when I saw his picture was Awwwww!!!!! I tell you, once I love you, I will always love you, no matter what.