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• Please Do Not Marry Fat Pot-Bellied White Women!!

  Posted: July 28, 2008, 1:01 pm by kalamari

  .......why Githongo must come back home very fast.
  
  We are all aware of the thousands upon thousands of able Kenyan men who cannot resist marriage to very fat white women when they are in pursuit of makaratasi. I'm sure some of you reading about this phenomena are victims of the same. The plan is usually to avoid any children for the two or three years it takes to receive that precious document. Unfortunately, some of these extra wide voluptuous white women become very crafty and indeed end up producing one or two babies. Many Kenyans have reached that crossroad; do you stay and enjoy that extra white mattress of a woman for the rest of your life or do you take off knowing that you will pay child support for the next 18 years? In retrospect, many Kenyan men wish they had a referee in the bedroom to ensure that no unwanted goals were scored at all costs.
  
  Folks, it is at this very timely moment in our history that we need 'Githongo the Referee'. It's my hope that this man heeds the PMs call to come back to Kenya. You see, in the coalition marriage between ODM and PNU, it is quite clear who the very fat pot-bellied white woman is. It is also clear who the do-what-it-takes Kenyan man is. My friends, If we are not careful, we will find ourselves with very many babies. These babies will continue to have names such as Anglo-Leasing, Goldenberg etc. If we allow this very bad behavior to happen, Kenyans will have no option but to pay child support bills for very many years. Our paychecks will be garnished by the taxman until we are very old men and women.
  
  I will remind you that we have recently paid child support bills in blood. Yes fellas, the post election violence, land disputes etc was actually a backdated child support bill resulting from the children brought into this world by our married post colonial leaders (the ones who stole all the land).
  
  The way I see it, we need 'Githongo the Referee' to be in the State House bedroom at all hours. We need him there to ensure that this coalition marriage does not get too cozy and comfortable. Githongo must ensure that the bedroom lights remain brightly lit…...even at night. We need Githongo to thwart any efforts or schemes that will lead to fat white women with pregnant bellies. He must make sure that no champagne or changaa is drunk in the bedroom because we all know where that leads to.
  
  For the love of country, Githongo must accept to be the prophylactic that prevents the conception and delivery of corruption.
  
  Otherwise, babies will continue popping out very rapidly….as in the case when you make popcorn from scratch.

• Eventful Weekend Where Nasty Snakes Were Smoked Out Of Their Holes

  Posted: July 28, 2008, 8:16 am by chris

  To be perfectly honest with you I did not really realize just how sensitive a topic I was touching on in my weekly special feature this past weekend. That was until some rather strange comments (some of which I deleted started popping up).
  
  

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  Also in Kumekucha today: Mother-in-law or Monster-in-law?
  How a small business was rescued from bankruptcy to prosperity. Copy the tips.
  

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  What would you do if you have been a strong anti-corruption activist for many years and then you are suddenly confronted with the question of how your own family acquired the wealth that was used to pay for your education to enable you to be where you are today?

  There is no doubt that the topic of how the wealthiest Kenyan families made their money has rubbed many up the wrong way. But it is a reality that we MUST face. And for many reasons but mainly because for the war against corruption to be successful, justice cannot be dished out selectively. And yet for that justice to be done, one would have to touch virtually every prominent respectable wealthy family in Kenya today. This cuts across both the so-called old money and the newer money and it also cuts across political parties and tribes.

  Even more disturbing is the fact that the top 5 wealthiest Kenyans are all names from Kenyan politics.

  My report this weekend certainly smoked many “snakes” out of their holes. And they come out firing from the hip, both barrels desperately blazing. One commentator claimed that by offering sensitive information via email, I was collecting email addresses to sell to Nigerian scam artists. Now that is somebody who is really running scared over the information that is now being widely distributed to Kenyans. Let me tell you a secret. One of the reasons why I favor email is that emails get forwarded all over the place and a vast number of Kenyans will end up getting information in the safety of their email inboxes that many rich Kenyan families would do anything to keep from them.

  I take this opportunity to reassure all those who request for my free sensitive information via email that I highly respect their privacy and will NOT pass on their email addresses to anybody (let alone Nigerian conmen). I urge you all to trust me on that one, in the same way you have trusted me to bring you political information that you cannot possibly find anywhere else. In fact the issue of privacy and security is one of the reasons why I have opted to use Yahoogroups the most reputable email opt-in service in the world who also have a reputation to protect. I have done this rather than use many of the other options including my very own software. Yahoogroups is also very easy to opt out of and you can stop my emails coming to you at any time (no questions asked). I therefore urge those readers who are yet to register to do so as recent developments are going to force me to increasingly reveal the most sensitive information I have via email. The service is of course free, send your email Now.

  The other ominous threat that I have taken very seriously is that of a man who has said that he intends to shut down this blog in two weeks. You see how desperate folks are?

  But I will not be stopped and this is one of the reasons why I have decided that I will continue with this hot topic on how the wealthiest Kenyan families acquired their illegal wealth in my weekend special, next weekend. Don’t miss the second and final part of this important feature which is bound to be even more sizzling hot than last weekend’s.

  I would urge all Kenyans to be brave enough to face the truth, however terrible it is. It is the only way we are going to save the motherland.

Blah blah blah

Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes