Wilde Yearnings

• I knew I was gay when...

  Posted: August 21, 2008, 12:16 pm by Wildeyearnings

  
  You know what? Being gay, I've become used to the questions that usually accompany the incredulous looks on people's faces when they find out I am gay. I know many people get irritated by these kind of questions, but they just amuse me. I now have template answers I use when asked ...But how did you know you were gay?
  So here are some of my answers.
  I knew I was gay when...
  
  1. I had a crush on Superman when I was 12 years old and wanted to wear tights just like his! ( BTW: Christopher Reeve who played Superman was a GOD.- I remember the adolescent-lad dreams I used to have of him...erm... too much information?)
  
  2. The first time I watched porn ( yes you've all done it! stop judging) - I think I was 13? or maybe 14?, I didn't remember seeing the girls in it AT ALL. So when my friends were talking about the 'huge knockers on the blonde', I was like ????. Coz the guy in it was a brunette and the only thing huge about him was...well...use your imagination.
  You know this should have tipped me off but it wasn't for some years that I started seriously questioning myself :)
  
  3. At 13, in my school's junior rugby team, I started avoiding communal showering because I was scared to death of that 'tingling feeling'. God those years were torture....of the good and bad kind.
  
  4. I developed this HUGE crush on my math teacher who wasn't even that good looking but had this awesome voice. You would think that I did really well in math to impress him but unfortunately math lessons consisted of me staring at him all googly eyed and daydreaming about our life together and as a result my marks were nowhere near respectable. Way below average comes to mind.
  
  5. The furthest I ever got with my first girlfriend (we were both 15) was a bit of furtive hand-holding under the table. At this time I was nowhere near 'first base'. In fact if first base was in Australia, I would say I was somewhere close to the Congo at this point.
  
  5. My second girlfriend- her I did get to first base with, you'll all be glad to know. I was 16 at this point, my school's rugby deputy captain and as a result needed to have a girlfriend. Peer pressure. So I got the prettiest girl in the school, chest puffed up but only... I had no idea what to do with her! We had many, many stimulating conversations about life in the evenings hidden behind the school shed which couples used as a make-out zone. I think this would have continued indefinately if she didn't take matters into her own hands...quite literally so.
  
  Anyway being a 16 year old lad with plenty of rampaging hormones, I did manage to acquit myself honorably ( thank you, thank you). Only thing is repeat performances consisted of me fantasising about other guys in order to deliver a mutually favorable outcome. Anyway you'll be glad to know she dumped me after 4 months together for someone older and more popular and probably more experienced where it counted.
  
  I should have known I was gay at this point when after being dumped all I felt was a sense of relief that there would be no more 'behind-the-shed rendezvous'!
  
  6. I guess when I finally admitted to myself that I might be a little 'different' was when I kissed the 18 year rugby captain one drunken night. God! It was like an epiphany that moment. It was like- so THIS, THIS is what the big deal's about. THIS is why people spend all their time trying to score. Funny thing is that I wasn't even attracted to him- but we sort of found our lips together in one amazing moment :). Oh the joys of teenage life. I think it was also a bit of experimentation for him because after that nothing ever happened between us. We never, ever talked about it and he left one month later after his A level exams.
  
  7. And then I knew for sure I was 'different' when I met a brother/sister combo at a relatives wedding and got aroused immediately by the brother. Yes. Even I knew something was up at that point. Only thing is that that the 'brother' took a shining to my sister. Fast forward 12 years later- that 'brother' is now my brother-in-law. My sister ( his wife) loves this story. It never fails to crack her up.
  
  I called my self 'bisexual' for a long time before I faced up to the reality that the only thing 'bi' about me was that I liked both tall and short men.
  
  My coming out- thats another story.
  
  So when did YOU know you were gay?

Blah blah blah

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