The Lily Review

  • Our Menfolk are under attack!!!

    Posted: May 30, 2011, 11:45 am by cyiengi
    It’s horrifying how families are under attack… daily!! Its now out there for all to partake of… The headlines scream of yet another brutal battering…and this time, neither the high and mighty nor the lowly are spared. The base actions of anger expressed are well evident; high level delegate batters wife, man kills family then strangles himself, man takes poison after domestic quarrel. Yes, admittedly, some of these men simply have undealt with issues that are no excuse for meting punishment on a lady who just didn’t see where he was coming from. But, at the risk... Continue reading →

  • The Salo Advance Bug

    Posted: May 26, 2011, 10:00 am by Naomie

    I few of us have been bitten by the bug, not once not twice, severally its a sure sign that you need financial 911. I listened on radio the other day a financial consultant speak about the dangers of taking an advance on your salary, for the regulars at the HR office come 16th of each month this one is for you and for those who need to know why its a bad idea to take the advance, this one is for you too.

    The major reasons that most people take advances are:

    • AVAILABILITY: Its the easiest option to getting fast cash when you are strapped, not many of us have other options
    • CONVENIENCE: Its rather straight forward to apply for it, doesn’t take long either and you understand the process
    • LIFESTYLE: Damn I looked good in that suit, those red heels will be amazing, i need to get them fast before someone else

    The advance is like a drug, though it will give you an initial high, it will soon wear off and you will have the chills, major signs of withdrawal! Here’s why to just say NO

    • You get tied into the habit of doing it month in month out. You may lie to your self that the next month you will have a better handle on things but really that is you being mythical to yourself. Say No
    • You are actually taking a loan from your employer which you have not yet earned. Think about it you signed a contract to get paid at the end of a full working month. The full working month has not ended by 17th, so actually you are not keeping your end of the bargain. Say No
    • You may think that the advance will help you pay some bills mid month but really the chance of you doing something completely different with your advance is very very high. You will get easily lured to the new shoes or the new suit or the trip out of town. Derailment will be at an all time high at this point, watch it! Say No

    So what are the options really when you think about it? How can you get out of this rut?

    • SACRIFICE: Its like they say when loosing weight, no pain no gain. You have to prioritise the critical things that you cannot do without monthly. New heels are not a necesscity. Critical items are: busfare, rent, house bills and food. The rest is something you can do without, such as you dont have to feel bad when you dont contribute for a funeral expense if you really dont have the money you can help in other ways, you don’t have to meet up for coffee at java neither must you chip in to BOGOF for pizzas on Tuesdays. You may have to lay low for a while, and if your friends don’t get it then maybe they really arent your friends. In short, be REAL to yourself.
    • PLANNING: believe it or not planning helps in a big way, because you are able to know how much you have come end month and how much you can spend. At no time can you spend more than what you have because you will not have it. You have to be strict when it comes to planning. In short, be REAL to how much you actually can spend.
    • SAVE: We all need savings. If you’ve ever had a personal medical emergency or death in the family and found yourself calling for a harambee then you know exactly what I mean. Its critical to put away part of your salary monthly as savings for emergencys. Paying money into your savings should be like paying a bill and should be non negotiable. In short, be REAL to your future.
    You might also like:
    • No related posts found


  • Happiness and Simplicity

    Posted: May 24, 2011, 10:00 am by Maria

    I visited my old high school this past weekend. I walked through the old haunts and smiled at their jauntily ambitious nicknames: Bahamas, the 20-foot square piece of lawn where we’d sun ourselves on Saturday afternoons, and Infinity, the landing at the top of the stairs to our four-story dorm building.

    I’ve realized, my high school was unknowingly very Zen. The school was obsessed with simplicity and humility. We were allowed very few personal possessions. Everyone had a morning and evening task that taught us the value of manual work. We woke up early and went to bed early. Snail mail on Saturdays was the only communication with the outside world, and Silence was Golden.

    Seems like a tough life, but some of the happiest times of my life were during those four years. Which emphasizes for me that happiness is a state of mind, and not a function of how much you have or where you are.

    Take food. Today, I can walk into Nakumatt and buy the ingredients I’d need to whip up delicious dishes from any part of the world. If I’m too lazy to cook, I just have to stand on a corner in Westlands and half a dozen restaurants will be within spitting distance.

    But back in the day, back in high school… How many ways can you combine ugali, rice, sukuma, cabbage and beans? I had four years to find out, in a school where no outside food was allowed. However, we had myriad ways to improve upon the half-assed efforts of our underpaid cooks.  Fresh avocado chunks in our rice and beans. A pat of Blueband margarine melted in our hot githeri. Pinching off the corner of a Knorr beef cube and mixing it into our otherwise uninspired stew. A meal improved this way made me a lot happier, looking back, than eating at a restaurant when I now have the money and freedom.

    I read a book once, The Paradox of Choice, where the author argues that the overwhelming choice available to us as modern consumers, creates all sorts of anxiety and unhappiness. I think that I am now living more simply than a couple of years ago where I owned twenty plus pairs of shoes, and spent tens of thousands on my hair, for example. But I’d like to continue to simplify. Where to start though? The thousands of books, websites and self-help guides on simplifying your life is an ironic confirmation the Paradox of Choice premise. Any ideas on an easy place to start simplifying your life?

     
    You might also like:


  • Let’s just get along

    Posted: May 13, 2011, 10:00 am by cazz

    Politics, the environment, life …the hot topic still remains relationships. He said, she said. The FM stations have taken full advantage of these differences. And why not …staged or real we’re listening, commenting and in many cases relating to the stories.

    But the more I listen the more disturbed I become. Do the sexes really hate each other this much? Is this the new order… revenge sex, rabid comments, total dishonesty, no comprise, just surrender. I know men and women may not understand each other, and the power shifts and struggles are on the increase, but can’t we just agree to get along?

    Human males, like males throughout the animal kingdom, have some similarities and bravado is one of them. Comments like “I’ll beat her”, “I’ll see any woman I want”, “She doesn’t satisfy me” to justify the disrespect of cheating on us will not wash. Men … bottom line: you may enjoy the risk but you have no right to put us at risk too.

    Ladies … people have affairs. That’s life. However the one off fling is not the same as the habitual cheater. Some relationships can be saved and more power to you if you go down this route. And for the rest … garbage is garbage. Throw it out! After one year of HIV testing because of my ex hubbie’s affairs, I discovered a lot of women from all walks of life in the same situation. This was not my ideal female bonding session. Part of protecting yourself is just getting out of the situation altogether.

    Men …we marched down the aisle with stars in our eyes. We didn’t get married thinking we wouldn’t see you. So here’s the thing. We love you. We have babies with you. You’re hanging out with your boys all the time is a contradiction to the commitment you made. We don’t object to you hanging out with the boys once in a while but if you love them that much why not hook up with them instead!

    Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Get over it. We’re not supposed to be the same and understanding each other is, in my opinion, overrated. I just want the basics from people in general: honesty, kindness, fun spirited and loyalty.

    Let’s fight to get along. I’m sure the journey would be so much sweeter if we did.

    Photo credit: mattwork
    You might also like:


  • Purpose or Prestige?

    Posted: May 11, 2011, 10:00 am by bailey

    After going through a harrowing quarter-life crisis and FINALLY finding my purpose, what I can say is that this has been such an eye-opening experience for me in so many ways. People, embrace your quarter-life and mid-life and three-quarter life crises! They open your eyes to new dimensions!

    At that point in my life (and even now), I wondered how or why someone would go to school, study, go to university and specialize in a certain course, say, business, do well in it, get a job related to the profession, then a year later, hate it. I mean, literally be bored out of their mind with their work; yet this is what they studied for, for four long years, and probably spent their childhood dreaming about (“When I grow up, I want to study business!” OK, kids don’t usually say that, but for the sake of this story, let’s allow it).

    I think I expected that everyone who dreams of being a doctor will be a doctor or will at least never change their mind. I know, life is dynamic. It’s like I always have to remind myself that.

    Anyway, where I was going with this is that, purpose is what matters. By purpose, I mean, what you were created on this earth to do, based on your personality, skills, abilities, talents and interests. Keep in mind that purpose can also change from time to time because for a particular season in life, you may have a different purpose from your current goals at another time.

    Recently, my sister was telling me how people make money from the oddest ventures. Money is money and work is work, really (all legally obtained, of course). No one will ask you how you got your money when you’re rich so they can frown upon your humble hustle or job that gets you that money. There is a woman who goes home with hundreds of thousands of shillings a week from selling mitumba clothes. Another one makes nearly a million a month from growing some rare herbs and chillies. Basically, what I learned from this is not to judge people from what they do.

    At family gatherings, when the young people congregate with the old and are asked what they do, where they are now working, etc, the parents and older generation are always pleased to hear of doctors, lawyers and other professionals, but say you are musician and the uncomfortable shifting and furtive looks that follow will be unmistakable. Why is this? Why is it more prestigious to have a law degree than to have musical talent and prowess? In reality, the musician probably makes a hundred thousand shillings on one gig. How about the lawyer? If he/she is lucky, they earn that in a month.

    So what is it really about? Does prestige and cultural norm trump financial success?

    I want the financial success. I want the purpose, the pursuit of it, even if it will be unglamorous, because I believe living in my purpose will put me on the path of happiness more than prestige ever will.

    Your purpose, when you find it, might lead you down an unlikely path. Wangari Maathai comes to mind, her purpose at the time was saving trees and conserving the environment for a better tomorrow. Was it glamorous? Not really, especially when she was fighting for the environment and leading protests to conserve our natural forests. Did it give her fulfillment though? Yes, I’m sure it did. The satisfaction that she was doing her part in the world and in the greater scheme of things was making a difference must have been great.

    It’s really about what is more important, doing your part to change the world, or looking good even though you don’t like what you are doing or couldn’t care less about the financial growth in the last quarter (if you are in the Finance Department).

    Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

    It’s scary to go where there is no road and make your own path but I’m finding courage to make my own way.

    Watch out for me, I’m going to change the world!
    You might also like:


  • Dressed for Work – Are you sure?

    Posted: May 9, 2011, 10:00 am by Naomie

    Well, when you move to a more formal professional service company, you realise you have to step up your wardrobe. Its not that you have a bad wardrobe, mismatched clothes or tired clothes, its that perhaps you haven’t worked in such a formal organisation before so your was abit of a newbie with the suits. So my first question to you before you read any further is, ‘what’s your work dressing style saying about you?’

    The biggest mentality i am sure many are familiar with is the ‘I don’t care what people think, about how i look so long as i’m comfotable’ The problem is, yes you may not care, but the perception made about you within the first few instances of meeting someone will make you care… A LOT! Besides why else is it that people dress to impress for an interview? They need to impress enough to get the job, that’s why.

    So you decide a wardrobe overhaul is needed, considering you are coming from a more casual dress organisation. What could you do to make this drastic change?

    1.  Suits can be exciting
    I hated suits, the starched shirts the stiffness of the fabric, pleats, tweed, carrying around a jacket and i never could find a nice suit that fitted me perfectly (ever seen those men in town who have on over sized suits? Or the trouser is shorter than the rest of the suit?) There is power in a suit, i can say that for sure. Its not that its my first time wearing one but i can assure you it now makes me feel very achieved and confident.

    Formal wear is important, because you are representing the brand that you are working for. The brand will always want a particular reputation maintained especially to the public, because a brand name can build or break a company. It doesn’t mean that you always have to wear a boring black suit, because more people are embracing color and many designs exist for whatever taste you have. Whether your into skirts, trousers or dresses believe me a suit can make a difference, but my secret is, a good tailor makes ALL the difference.

    2.  Heels don’t always have to be uncomfortable
    Well, for ladies, the heels make you stand out more and add to confidence, because they feel amazing when strutting your stuff into a meeting or a clients office. However lets be honest, not all of us can survive in high stilettos the whole day especially if your on your feet for most of the day. More importantly though is to get a heel that you know you can walk in well. Ever seen a chic in town crossing the road like her knees are about to collapse thanks to the 6 inch she is trying so hard to walk in that is pinching her toes to bits? I have.

    When taking public transport it is simply unwise to wear high heels, especially because you have to walk long distances. Carry a pair of flats or even ngomas for your transport phase and change your shoes when you get to the office, we all know you have that big hang bag anyway!

    3.  Client facing
    Clients feel more secure dealing with someone who looks dressed appropriately for the job. You cannot imagine a client dealing with a guy in jeans and a t-shirt (or un-ironed clothes) trying to secure a deal, realistically the client will prefer not to be speaking business with a person dressed like that. Its important to impress because that then reflects on the impressive services or products that you will offer, people will take you more seriously depending on the way you are dressed. Yes its a sad reality that we as humans are so material even in our thoughts and actions, but its life, you sink or swim.

    4.  Accessories
    Well lets be honest, some women tend to over accessorize, i mean if its not the dangling earrings with glitter, its the twenty or so clinking bracelets on the arm or its the make up like your headed for a photo shoot, all too much action going around. Save all the over the top accessories for the weekend, for the office less of accessories is more, keep it simple.

    Trying to keep it chic and professional at the same time can actually be fun!

    Photo credit: jonnyberg & dnabil
    You might also like:


  • Kenya Honeymoon Experience: Where to Go, What to do

    Posted: May 5, 2011, 10:00 am by admin

    There is something special about a Kenyan honeymoon, special by way of the romantic experience; the places you will visit and what you will actually do while enjoying your honeymoon.

    From romantic safaris to the lovely Kenyan Villas and the all unique colonial lodges, Kenya has what it takes to accord you a honeymoon like no other, and don’t forget the picturesque scenery that will drive your love to a blend of laughter and memories to make your union hot and alive even long after your honeymoon.

    Some of the places worth enlisting in your Kenya Honeymoon calendar include the Maasai Mara, Samburu Buffalo Springs plus lakes like Bogoria, Nakuru and Baringo. You can also visit a number of national parks including the Nairobi National Park where you will see a number of indigenous game like the Black Rhino which lives in the park throughout the year. Almost all small lodges and camps in Kenya have special honeymoon tents with maximum privacy plus personalized services.

    Lamu is hailed as one of the best honeymoon destinations in Kenya; it is calm with enough beaches and nice people with a rich culture. If one of the rules you have set out for your honey money is a vehicle-free environment then you will have it all in Lamu; you will use luxury dhows and donkeys to make your movements around. Sailing around Lamu mangroves and archipelago will open you to a natural world of irresistible happiness-the experience is purely natural.

    Traveling from Mombasa to Lamu is a moment you just need to test; stop in the smaller towns and buy food from the local shops and vendors along the way-this is where you get a chance to interact and say Jambo or Habari (meaning “how are you doing?”). You will have fun as the locals explode into laughter when they discover that you are struggling to bring out the Swahili words!

    Article by Linda Akware, is a certified wedding consultant at the Kenya Wedding Centre.

    Image credit: Wikipedia
    You might also like:


  • Why men marry who they marry

    Posted: May 3, 2011, 10:00 am by crystal

    I confirmed something this week. I want the benefits of marriage, but I want them without – you know – getting married. I want to have a consistent bedmate that respects me enough to stay faithful. I want a partner I can talk to and share ideas with, share myself with. I want someone with a special link, an exclusive connection. But I don’t want the in-laws or the drama or the suspicion or the [extra] children. I don’t want to change who I am in the name of ‘compromise.’ And I don’t actually know how feasible that is.

    I was talking to a good friend this week. He’s married, and I assume he’s happy. But he says marriages aren’t meant to be happy. They’re intended to be functional. A good marriage is one that works, where the partners are solid and complement each other. Each partner does what they have to do to keep the union solid. Lovey-dovey couples are a myth that only exists in female heads, he says. It made me ask a question on Twitter. I wondered how a guy picks a bride, since it’s clearly not about love.

    I didn’t get many answers, so I tried to analyse and theorize. I think the girl a man marries depends on his reasons. If he’s marrying to meet the demand for grandchildren, he’ll marry a girl who’s wifely, motherly, and gets along with his mother. That’s her primary function, so she may not necessarily be the type of girl he likes. That’s why he may continue to fool around with – you know – the type of girl he likes. It’s also why a guy could date a girl for years then break up with her and marry someone else.

    A guy like that will likely have a mistress who is just the type he likes, the one he actually loves, the one he is genuinely attracted to. And that girl will probably never become a wife, because clearly, under this theory, the girl a man loves is not the one he marries.

    The theory makes sense to some extent. Ancient civilisations didn’t have marriages ‘for love’ and even in the King Arthur days, the knights were always in love with married women who were not – you know – their wives. They would be the ‘champion’ of some married woman while the woman’s husband was the champion of some other girl. The relationships weren’t necessarily sexual, but there was love involved. Hence Lancelot and Guinevere.

    The kind of woman who is a wife is raised to know her place. She doesn’t question her man’s cheating or shenanigans, because, well, a wife doesn’t do that. Just listen to the women on Matatu FM. Women – like me – who would question and fight and make demands are generally kept as mistresses or girlfriends, mpango wa kando. We may be hot, confident and great in bed, but we have way too much drama to be wives.

    This explains why some klandes have the guts to attack wives. The wife is the well-behaved, quiet, humble type who lets her man do what he wants. She’ll take a lot of crap to maintain her married status. Sometimes she’s just as pretty and confident as the mistress, but she knows enough not to cause chaos, and she knows he’ll always come back home. That’s why she’s the wife. The mistress is the drama queen. She assumes that because the man prefers her, she has the authority and clout to push his wife around. Of course, it’s that exact quality that keeps her safely in the mistress bracket.

    When a woman like that finally chooses to be a wife, she adjusts herself accordingly. Either that or she fakes it long enough to get a ring, or manipulates the boy into marriage. Months later, she’s nagging and he’s cheating because the gloves are off. Sigh.

    Some men marry for money, though this is rare.  This guy is likely to cheat too, because in many ways, his wife is ‘above’ him, so he needs some outside women he can subjugate.

    Genuine church types marry for love. By genuine I mean the traditional types who really feel that marriage is a holy sacrament. I don’t know how well those marriages work for two reasons. One, divorce is unacceptable, so a lot gets swept under the carpet to keep the marriage intact. Two, maintaining appearances is important, so many marital problems stay hidden.

    Some guys marry for social standing, to be taken seriously at work or in the community. A guy like that will probably marry a trophy wife, one that is appropriate for the situation, one that can be shown off at office/family functions without embarrassing him, one that can fit in with social groups WAG and company wives. Then he will continue to play with the type of women who interest him.

    I think the mistake that women make is that we pick a guy and make him marry us, then we wonder why we end up miserable. If you tricked or pressured the guy into marrying you, things are bound to go crazy once you stop pretending, especially if he wasn’t ready to marry in the first place.

    I read a letter in yesterday’s Nation. This guy said he’d been faithful to his wife for 4 years, but he was drawn to other women. He wanted to know if it was normal. The columnist told him it was. Thing is – we get attracted to people every day, but we have to choose not to act on it. When you force a man to marry you, he has less motivation to fight his lust.

    When a man decides it’s time to marry, he will. But he will only take a girl that meets his needs. The old quote is true – a man won’t marry a girl, he’ll marry a wife. So if you want to catch a husband, you need to become a wife.

    Of course some girls are simply not wife material, and I’m one of them. If I want a ring on it, I know what I need to develop. And I can do it too – any girl can. The thing is … I don’t want to.

    Us girls have to realize we can’t have it both ways. We either stay as we are – strong, independent, no nonsense … and single, or we acquire wifely virtues and a ring, and accept that our men will probably spend their time playing with strong, independent, single women. Of course we could go for western men who can accept this kind of woman, but there’s a reason why divorce is so common there. There’s also a reason why some western men look for ‘submissive’ Asian and African women to marry.

    In African society, a wife’s job is to care for the children, and a husband’s job is to provide for them. Many men don’t understand why you’re complaining if the children are schooled, clothed, and fed.  Your best bet as an aspiring wife is to find out what he wants in wife, be that girl, then wait until he’s ready. If it’s the man’s decision to marry, he’ll be a lot more likely to put in the effort needed to make it work. Of course it would help if you naturally have those traits, because if you pretend, then you’ll lose him the moment you go back to ‘normal’.

    There’s one other thing that girls don’t consider. We have a generation of women that were raised to do anything they want. They’re educated and self reliant. They can have jobs, cars, and houses without men. But what we forget is that there are men who grew up around us too. The opportunities that made us what we are have changed the men as well. The women grew up to do stuff on their own, but so did the men. So while us girls don’t need a man to buy us pretty things, our brothers don’t need a woman to cook and clean. They don’t have their father’s urge to settle down, procreate, and care for extended families. They want to enjoy their youth and have fun with their money.

    This man may not feel the urge to settle down until he’s in his 40s. Meanwhile, the strong woman starts to tick in her late twenties, when her ovaries are whining. So you have 28 year old woman thinking of settling down while her partner still wants to play, and by the time he’s 40, she’s over the hill and intimidating, so he prefers a nice 18 year old that’s young, unambitious, and unspoiled, preferably someone groomed for the job by his mother.

    Of course there are exceptions to every rule, and I’m not trying to kill anyone’s marital hopes. There are men who marry for affection and companionship. But these men usually have grown children and a few ex-wives, and if not, they may not want kids at all. You’re unlikely to get a man like that while your bio-clock is ticking. My theory only tries to explain why we have so many singles and unhappy couples, and my solution is to stay out of the fray. What’s yours?
    You might also like:


← April 2011 (8 items) June 2011 (5 items) →

Blah blah blah

Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes

Kenyan Blogs