The Lily Review

  • Loving you is easy ‘cause you’re beautiful

    Posted: April 26, 2011, 10:20 am by bakhita

    Is that true? Do we only love the beautiful? Lord that is such a harsh thing to think about but really I think in some ways I do.

    *cringe*

    It feels horrible admitting that attractiveness has a considerable ranking on my totem pole of assessment-of-people-I’d-like-to-date. But does it make it better that in general I don’t care about how people look if we’re going to be pals or if you are just going about your way?

    Hmmmm

    Let me start over and perhaps explain things a little better. I have fallen in love with all types of men and had crushes on an even bizarre slew of men…and women [hehe not like thaaaat, more like wow-you-are-so-amazing-I-think-I-love-you-and-also-I-get-why-men-love-you--talk-about-vavavoom] Its totally out of my control who and why I have crush on. I love the intensity in Cajetan Boy’s eyes, Nimrod Taabu’s smile, Sean Connery’s macho/gentlemanly self…the list is endless! The people I have a crush on are very, very sexually attractive, no doubt about it. They are Alpha Males, cream-of-the-crop types who I have no ghost of a chance with!

    These guys are Ken dolls but I’m no Barbie I just love how they look, period. I’d never want to date them because it would never work out, distance and such…ahem…Now, the people I have previously dated never followed in that vein. They were ‘ordinary’ men who I clicked with on a real level. To date I care very little about how rich a guy is, but it does help if he is well endowed *wink wink* and we must have the ability to comfortably have a conversation over the phone. [P.S I think that is the real test, especially in the early days when you’re not so sure about a guy]

    So of late I’ve become very aware of the fact that I’m gravitating towards the ‘pretty’ boys. My old value system stands but more often than not I will pay keener interest to the cutest guy in the group. Damn, just putting that statement down makes me feel all kinds of shame…When did I get to be like this? And more importantly is it wrong?

    It’s no secret that the world adores the beautiful, makes clear their path to wherever they please just to see them smile and remain happy. Have I too become superficial like that? Perhaps all the years of bombardment by these images and beliefs has finally affected my subconscious. Nah, who am I kidding, I’m just as bad as the rest of ‘them’.

    See, I want to catch the best bee I can with my ‘honey’, is that so wrong?

    I want the sparkliest star, the starring, I want the IT guy (capital letters for emphasis not short for Information Technology guys) *feels self becoming superficial-er*

    See, I want to catch the best bee I can with my ‘honey’, is that so wrong?

    And I know, for a fact, that I do not fall in love with just how a man looks but with how he lives, his values and his mind. And if he looks good, then that’s a bonus because at the end of the day I want to want to jump his bones you know? So yes, I will seek out the hot man but if he is hollow then he’s go to go!

    Signed,

    The girl who is a student of life
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  • A Beautiful Mess

    Posted: April 20, 2011, 10:00 am by bakhita

    The hardest thing for an incurable romantic to do is to manage expectations. Man, the number of times my achy-breaky heart has been smashed to smithereens by the eventual outcome of certain situations are too many to count. See, a romantic [such as me] creates fanciful castles in the sky built from the ground up by twisted statements and perceived meanings. Basically, sisi hujidang’anya [we lie to ourselves] convince ourselves that what we think, and how we interpret things is the truth. Then, when things don’t happen as we had expected it totally shocks us!

    HOW DARE HE NOT FALL INTO LINE? [also that is the second title of this post, hehe]

    I recently met a guy. He’s very sweet, cute as a button, funny and in the country for a bit of a spell. We hit it off from the word go, laughing, talking about exciting ideas and realizing that we shared the same outlook on some really touchy topics. How awesome [and rare] is that?! What really made me happy, and to be honest more especially, is the way we met. It was a cold and lonely night, the stars were twinkling and the air was fresh and breezy…ahem… My colleague and I had been convinced at the last minute to attend some blahblah event and I knew there was no way I’d leave that place mapema if I went alone.

    So I check in and my start to fu-reak out because I really hate mingling and socializing. My workmate on the other hand was like white on rice, he’d probably given out 20 cards before I had even plucked up the courage to chat up one person.

    Sigh.

    Luckily I caught sight of a friend I knew and proceeded to spend an hour by her side! I was so happy! But then I caught sight of my boss, yes my workmate is also my boss, and knew he’d skin me ALIVE if he knew I was just chilling out instead of ‘promoting the company and our products’. So I took a deep breath and walked over to a group of guys. One guy’s face looked familiar and I remembered that he’d been at our office recently so at least I had an opening line and reason to park my nervous self at the edge of the group.

    So I do a general hallo and start chatting up the guy plus throwing a general comment to the rest, a couple of blahblah moments later I suddenly realize that all the people had drifted away except this one guy. He says something ridiculously funny and we end up exchanging numbers. A few minutes later we’re trading stories about people in the party and other topics and I’m like ‘HOLD IT, HOLD IT!’ [like Fred Flinstone]… What exactly is this?

    Another thing I’ve neglected to mention is that he’s a white guy. Is this important in the general scheme of things? Perhaps. See, I really, really, really love my African brothers but I have huge crushes on white guys like McSteamy (who wouldn’t?). Thing is, I have never meet McSteamy types let alone strike up a conversation with my Caucasian brothers. We just never cross paths! So here I am talking and flirting, a little, with this gorgeous man and dayum I’m really surprised! Kumbe si wabaya?

    Well fast-forward to several weeks, a ‘million’ texts [his words not mine] and lovely hanging out sessions together later and the bombshell drops…he’s in a relationship with so-and-so. [damn you Facebook] In his defense, we’d never talked about our statuses, neither was he forward nor touchy-feely BUT that did not stop a sister from letting her imagination run wild!

    Sigh.

    Thankfully I haven’t done anything stupid…yet…hehe but I do intend to learn more about him and his missus [for curiosity’s sake, tell me you aren’t interested as well hmmm?] And I will do my very best to reign in my silly self and stop with the assumptions! The problem with romantics, as stated earlier, is that we read soooo much into things that we forget that we cannot think for people. And also, as one poet put it ‘you cannot make homes out of people’, I cannot make him become this person that lives in my head. Him not mentioning his relationship could be a privacy issue not a ‘look at me I’m single’ vibe. And I should realize that sweet, cute as a button, funny guys [regardless of the time they are in the country for] may JUST want to be friends! *shock* *horror*

    Signed,

    The girl who really needs to build a house on a rock
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  • A kick in the balls!

    Posted: April 18, 2011, 10:00 am by lawrence

    “You kicked him in the balls!!? Ouch!”

    “Yea I did! I don’t even know where I got the courage to but one moment he was grabbing me by the neck, next moment he was on the ground writhing in pain”

    “Daaamn girl! That was something. If we had more girls like you there’d be a lot less mugging on our streets”

    “Ha ha ha! Probably.”

    This must have been our third or fourth date I’m not sure. Kanji is a conversationalist, and not the gibberish type, I’m talking quality conversation. The kind that leaves you feeling good about the two hours spent with her. Not to mention how fast time passes whenever I talk to her.

    That’s not all. Kanji is one kick-in-the-crotch painfully focused girl. She is a part time model, is studying for her masters, has a full time job as a research analyst and takes private classes in Spanish. She plans to do her PhD in Barcelona, Spain.

    Let me admit this; I’m a chauvinist. I have been kicked in the holy ground a couple of times for making demeaning remarks about the fairer gender. Other than my juniors at work, the only other people who serve the purpose of making me feel superior are my dating partners. In my dictionary, the word ‘Female’ is synonymous to ‘Blonde’.

    Not Kanji. This Girl is smart. Why I’m still seeing her I don’t know.

    Last week I was busy stalking my friends on Facebook when the chat box popped up, with a message from someone seeking to begin a conversation. I’m not one to start engaging in chats on Facebook, something my friends have grumbled about more than once. For some reason I find it cheap and pathetic. If you and I haven’t spoken in months, I’d hate it if the next point of contact between us is via a Facebook message or chat. In an age where 10 bob a day gets you unlimited sms, it would be preferable if your attempts at communication skewed more towards the personal kind a.k.a text messaging. But that’s just me.

    Normally I would just close the chat box without a second thought and move on with the stalking, but this was different. It was Cathy.

    I’m told that everyone has that one Ex whose memory is forever cast in our memory. He/She becomes the yardstick by which all future mates are measured against. When you are down, it’s the memory of him/her that lifts your spirits. When you feel lonely, he/she is the one person you would wish to be there for you at that precise moment. Well, that’s Cathy for me.

    So you could understand why the conversation below ensued.

    “Hi Cathy.”

    “Howz u?”

    “I’m good, you?”

    “Ok I guess. Just life challenges you know”

    “I know. That’s life.”

    “Yeah, it’s just sometimes it gets really hard”

    “Kwani Watsup?”

    “Ah, just personal stuff, relationships etc. I’ll give you details when we meet”

    “It’s been a while Cathy. I doubt we will be meeting soon.”

    “I’ll come see you.”

    This sounds like an ok conversation, except that Cathy and I haven’t seen eye to eye for 3 years, and she happens to be at least 700 kilometers away. When Cathy and I were still an item such crazy stunts were not uncommon. Once, we eloped for a week to Mombasa and somehow survived with 500 bob between us.

    Anyway, she abruptly went offline and I haven’t heard from her since. I don’t have her number so following up isn’t an option. Frankly I don’t want to. She inspires certain feelings inside me which aren’t so healthy to my current relationships. We might seem to fit like a glove on a hand, but that’s the problem precisely. We fit too well that it always brings complications.

    My MD decided to bring in a consultant to help out with our most recent project. It’s bigger than anything we’ve done before, we are all apt but rather inexperienced to handle such a daunting task, or so the Boss thinks. Now, given that I am the project manager on this particular one, you can imagine what the ‘consultant’ does to my ego.

    Mary however isn’t just any consultant. She’s a respected professional in the industry; frankly I look up to her in many ways. She graces the covers of industry magazines, and has even been in the Top 40 Under 40 list on two occasions. She is my age mate. She is gorgeous. She is classy. Her dress code is decent but not conservative at all. For the next four weeks, she will be sitting right across from me.

    I’m I intimidated? Of course! I’m I attracted to her? Please come slowly. There’s something about hot ambitious ladies that just freaks the devil’s crib out of me. I’m yet to figure out how to deal with these new entrants in my life.

    But enough about me; how are you?

    Photo credit: Sucker
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  • Of Minumum Wage Love

    Posted: April 13, 2011, 10:00 am by Maria

    Recently, I’ve been getting hit on by the watchman at work. I try to remain friendly – I could need his help one day –  but it reminds me of when I was younger, and I thought that I was doomed to be hit on by sketchy types all my life. I wrote the following during that time. Thankfully, my prospects have greatly improved, but I’m always wary of this trend resurfacing. What do you think affects the type of people who hit on you? Can you change who you attract?

    Ok.

    There is definitely something wrong here. I’m young (only for so long darling), intelligent (I can do long division!), pretty (I have verbal confirmation of this from several sources including my mother and my best friend), and and in general quite a catch (if I do say so myself!). Then why in God’s name do I seem to attract only the most horrid of creatures?

    I am on a campus full of smart, good looking men. So why are the only men who hit on me invariably dining hall workers and cleaners? I’m not trying to be a snob. If I were being hit on by an equal balance of i-bankers-in-the-making and street-sweeper types, I wouldn’t be complaining, really I wouldn’t! But this is getting a tad ridiculous. I say this because I just got hit on by not one, but two sketchballs within the space of an hour.

    And to clarify, being hit on doesnt mean “Hi, pretty lady” which is a bit lame but is at least complimentary. It means “Hey sweet chocolate, can I be yo’ daddy?” “and “I need me some African goddess lovin’ ” accompanied by leers and smirks. The first guy was sweet, but the little English he knew I couldnt understand through his thick Mexican accent. I think I caught a couple of phrases, “baby you so sweet” and “you give me number yes?” enough to let me know I should get outta there pronto! Not half an hour later, I meet the second guy who actually showed me a picture of his daughter on his cell phone. As if being a single dad at 22 is supposed to be a selling point.

    Come to think of it, I can trace this back several years. Even when I was at home, I remember the houseboy always giving me gifts like hibiscus flowers or a Cadbury eclair on Valentine’s day, and the Kenya Power guy who comes around to check the meter asking for my number just seconds after he cut our power, the bastard! There was the chain-smoking loser at the video rental place who wrote letters to me in high school.  There was the former matatu conductor who managed to hide his previous career for most of the two weeks we “dated.” Finally, there was the 27 year old loser in my neighbourhood who never seemed to be able to answer the simple question “what do you do?”, was always around during the day, shot down any positive thing that happened to me, and thought it was ok to be kissing an 18 year old in front of her gate.

    If I had known then that it was a trend that would dog me for years to come, perhaps I would have taken preventative measures. Because I’ve had my fair share of dating bums, thank you. I mean really. Its about time I met someone who’s got goals beyond making it to assistant manager at the local Subway. While I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m never going to marry Prince William (mostly because I’m black, but also because we’ve never been properly introduced) a girl is allowed to have some lofty ambitions, isn’t she? Isn’t she?! Isn’t she?!

     

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  • Ask Lily: Cheating boyfriend and Trust Issues

    Posted: April 11, 2011, 10:00 am by admin

    Dear Lily,

    I have been dating a man for the past 3 years. Our relationship have been rocky since we first started dating but we always resolved our differences before it got worse. 2 years down to the relationship, he was constantly keeping a space from me by always hanging out with his friends and never seeing me. This man changed so much that I began to worry. My insecurities developed and I started stressing over every little thing with him. I would complain to him about giving me more time and he would on temporary basis and go back to being the same a week after. After many fights and separations I was convinced that he may be cheating on me.

    I did my research in every way possible and found out that he was in fact cheating on with a girl he met at a club for a about a month and a half. I discovered this through his phone account and saw that he was talking to a woman nonstop. I confronted him and he admitted. I left him for about two weeks and after his apologies I decided to take him back. Yes, maybe you can say that I was very insecured of losing him. I became so depressed and lost so much weight stressing over how much he has hurt me. I truly love him with all my heart.

    The cheating happened 8 months ago. He has made positive changes but I cant convince my mind and heart that it will not happen again. He gave me all of his passwords and yes, there were incidence where i questioned him about a random number I saw on his phone account and he would get so furious. He has continued hanging out with his friends again giving me one day out of the week. He has now changed his passwords and given me an ultimatum that if I want to continue this relationship, I would have to give up the passwords and take his words that he will never cheat on me. How can I accept this? I have told him the opposite that if he wont spend more time with me and give me those passwords, I cannot continue on with this relationship.

    Its been three days and I have not heard back from him. PLEASE TELL ME WHERE AM I GOING WRONG. SHOULD I NOT DEMAND THOSE PASSWORDS AND HIS TIME?

    Marie
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  • Career Plunge

    Posted: April 8, 2011, 10:00 am by Naomie

    There are many experiences we go through as career working women some of which we feel we are prepared for and others not so much. I guess the main reason I say this is because it can at times be challenging when you are trying to make your career work in your favour and the opposite seems to be happening. I recently decided to move jobs for many different reasons. Having written about already going through the pink slip experience, I never thought I would be writing my experience about resigning. I resigned for many reasons, but the top three reasons that I experienced daily made me realise that I needed a change… BADLY.

    1. Lack of a challenge
    Perhaps I should rephrase it to the lack of challenging work. Some people are okay with doing the mediocre, the minimum sort of work without necessarily wanting to do more may be out of fear of responsibility or fear of failure, they are content with the basics. I guess i am one of those people who pushes myself so I want to achieve more than I am achieving. Work for me needs to be challenging, perhaps a bit stressful to some degree. It should allow me to feel that I am literally earning my daily wage. Why show up for a job everyday which has become monotonous and actually now bores me to death? This was my first sign that I needed to change something about the work I was doing.

    2. Unreasonable support from supervisors
    Well if you have been employed for a couple of years, you at least know by now that there are many different kinds of bosses. Some you will like and some, not so much. Some simply make your life difficult because they can and maybe because they simply do not like you while others want you to actually grow and are interested in developing you to a higher level. Its not difficult to understand what kind of a boss you have, its pretty straight forward because believe you me you will feel it in more ways than one.

    I didn’t feel the support that I wanted and that I felt I deserved. This support can be in many forms, such as providing you with the basic tools to help you make your work easier, some things as simple as airtime, sufficient desk and working space, sufficient stationery, transport to client sites or access to a laptop when you are working out of office. In fact most times you may find your self spending your own money just because you are not getting the support you need and yet you want to deliver on the job. May be you want to impress the client a bit more or you want to impress your boss too so you use all means that you can to achieve this even if it means using your airtime to make business calls.

    3. Built for bigger and better
    Then there is a day you will wake up in a light bulb moment because surely you know deep down in your gut and heart that you have been built for much bigger and better. Some people live a very content life in where they are at, which is great, but sometimes you need to take the plunge into what new experiences are waiting out there for you. May be you havent thought much about taking up new experiences or seeking them out. A few of my friends sometimes believe the new experiences will magically appear in their lives somehow and that is when they will grab them.

    I took the plunge into a job I am fifty fifty about at the moment, but you know what, there are many reasons why I got this job, the most important being I applied for it. I never thought I would get it, (neither did I know anyone in the organisation) but now that I have I am excited and scared at the same time. I missed this excitement for sure! What’s the plunge you need to take?
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  • Guy Pals

    Posted: April 6, 2011, 10:00 am by cazz

    I’ve always loved being around men to be honest. Rough or polished I am at ease with many and of course through the years I’ve had all sorts stay, come in and out of my life.

    These are my personal favorites that have been very dear to me these past five years as I’ve adjusted to my single mum status….

    The Divas
    My glittering gay pals are the funniest, most supportive and stylish men I have the pleasure of knowing. Silver tongued and witty to boot they are my protectors and I am their token straight gal pal. They’ve faced all sort of prejudice, fears… I mean to be gay in Africa is no joke! And through them I’ve learnt that there is no justice in judging. I love them….and partying with them is never a dull affair.

    The Crutch
    I was having dinner recently with my crutch. Like me he’s separated and looking forward to his divorce. We’ve propped each other up through the years and meet often for dinner and other socials. We talk about everything and anything. There’s no pressure, explaining, none of it. My crutch is handsome, wealthy and the perfect gentleman who always treats me like a lady. With him I feel special. And in many ways he is my man barometer – if he can treat me like this as a friend, shouldn’t the man who wants to be with me treat me even better?

    The Eye Candy
    My favorite accessory these man wonders are my wicked indulgence. They get many a tongue wagging with their youthful exuberance, trim bodies and style. Now if you’re a more established woman like me (aka 35+) the immediate assumption is he’s a lover and can’t just be a friend. Whatever the case there’s really nothing to say when you’re out with eye candy. A real boost for the ego I have found these darlings to be very attentive, free spirited and always prepared to play football with my sons. And contrary to popular belief hanging out with eye candy does not have to involve a cash or sexual exchange. The trick is really in the selection process.

    The Reality Check
    Now while I have nothing major against marriage and look forward to finding my “I want to be with you” man one day but these brothers are the litmus test to my resolve. I’ve known them from childhood and we’ve meandered in and out of each others lives through graduations, weddings, babies ….I watch how they live and thank God I am not shackled to them in any way. They have an over inflated view of themselves and spare no expense to strut their stuff and show off the latest toy as they torture their wives with their infidelities and avoid their children. Meeting them at mutual acquaintances and family gatherings is fun and I always have a really great laugh with them but what a relief to be able to walk away.

    As you can see I’m covered on the man department.
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  • Brown is the new colour of healthy foods

    Posted: April 4, 2011, 10:00 am by arimifoods

    White colour has always been used to symbolise, new, pure, unadulterated, clean etc. On the other hand, brown colour has always been used to signify, dirt, contamination, unclean etc.

    This is no longer the case. Brown as opposed to white is the new colour of health cereal products. Name them; brown bread, brown rice, brown ugali etc.

    Why are brown cereal products healthier than white counterparts?
    Most cereal products are made from flour. The determinant of the health quality of the final product is the milling process.

    For example, during the processing of the flour for making brown bread; the bran and germ in the wheat grain are not removed. The bran is the our part of wheat grain and is rich in fibre, while germ is the inner part of wheat grain which is packed with nutrients, Vitamins B and E as well as phytocemicals.

    Therefore brown bread or brown ugali is made from what is referred to as whole-grain/whole meal wheat/maize flour.

    White bread on the other hand is manufactured from wheat flour devoid of the bran and germ as well as bleached with chemicals to look whiter.

    Wheat flour that is not stripped off the bran and germ has several advantages over white alternative.

    • It is higher in fibre compared to white bread.
    • White bread is lower in zinc, fiber, thiamin, niacin, trace elements and “good” fats and oils.
    • White flour whether from wheat or maize is bleached with chemicals to make it white. These chemicals such as potassium bromate, benzoyl peroxide or chlorine dioxide gas are generally not good for health.

    The superior nutritional qualities of brown bread are identical to those found in brown maize flour whose bran and germ have not been removed.

    Healthy benefits of brown cereal products

    • The high fibre content in brown bread and ugali helps in managing diabetes by keeping the blood-sugar levels low.
    • Research has shown that women who consume foods rich in insoluble fibre such as whole meal bread have lower risk of gall stones.
    • The whole meal bread is associated with reducing risk of heart diseases by lowering LDL Cholesterol (bad cholesterol).
    • The whole meal bread is good for those watching their weight since it is lower in calories and keeps you full for longer due to high fibre content.
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Fish cakes

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Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes

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