The Lily Review

  • My Furaha Project

    Posted: February 28, 2011, 9:30 am by Maria

    It’s going on to March. That means that most of our New Year’s resolutions have faltered, if not gone down the drain entirely. Chips have won out over those healthy salads you brought in to work a few weeks ago. Your brand new gym shoes have been kicked under the bed and forgotten (on purpose). It happens to all of us, and each year, we forget our past failings and promise – this year will be different, this is the year that I will change my life! This is definitively the year where I will morph into a skinny, organized, french-speaking, debt-free stock owner, simultaneously creating more time for my sweetie, my parents, my friends and my work!

    That’s pretty much what my Furaha Project is about. Furaha means happiness. I’m starting my personal Furaha Project as a way to document and thus inspire my journey towards happiness this year. Incidentally, it will be one year in March since I last drank a soda. That’s a huge deal for me. Before that I regularly drank up to six diet cokes a day, no joke.  

    I find that my most successful habit changes have been small and specific. And they have been public. Once I told my workmates that I stopped drinking soda, they all gave me the side-eye because they knew that I was the one who regularly emptied the office soda stock. After that, you can bet that I was determined to prove their doubts wrong.

    I’m doing this project in the vein of Gretchen Rubin of the Happiness Project, who spent a year test-driving ideas on happiness from scientific studies, popular culture, age-old ideas etc. I’ll try and do the same thing, as well as actively implement things in my life that will make me a happier person.  One of my favorite posts by Gretchen is on how to stick to your New Year’s Resolution.

    1. Be specific.
    2. Write it down
    3. Review your resolution constantly
    4. Hold yourself accountable.

    So at best, this will be the year where I morph into the skinny, organized, french-speaking … you know the drill. At worst, it will be a mildly entertaining account of how one girl is trying – trying – to attain furaha.
    You might also like:


  • Happy long-long-after-Valentines Day

    Posted: February 25, 2011, 9:00 am by miamor

    We attract who we ARE not who we WANT.

    This has been one of my guiding phrases. I love it because it focuses the conundrum of love on you and not ‘those others’. Here’s the thought process: all your partners – former and current – have only one thing in common: you! You are the common denominator so if you are always attracting or attracted to a particular kind of person, then it’s up to you to explore if there is something in you that is similar to those characteristics that always appear in your love life.

    I wouldn’t say that love is something you go out to find but I do think you must be ready for it; your heart needs to be fertile enough to receive it when and/if it shows up. That can’t happen if conditions are only perfect for the wrong kind of people; those who neglect, abuse, ignore, insult or take you for granted. If you’re needy, pushy, closed-off, bossy, boring….whatever it is, you need to know it. It’s not the end of the world if you’re those things, but my policy is “it’s best to know”.

    Furthermore, if you keep doing the same thing when it comes to love, then it stands to reason that you’ll keep getting the same results. Now is as good a time as any to try something different. Tweak something, change something and see if that changes your love patterns.

    Now that the hullabaloo surrounding Valentine’s Day is past, I hope you will take the time to assess your love life. Think of it as taking your car (heart) for maintenance before a long road trip (your love life). There’s nothing to be ashamed or judgmental about and who knows, you may be pleasantly surprised. You may find that you’re always attracted to smart intelligent partners because you are a smart, intelligent person. You may also find gems of information, for example you’re attracted to unavailable partners because you yourself have an entire security system, complete with guard dogs, around your heart. While this may not feel like a gem, it actually is since it points you to a specific aspect of who are and gives you the opportunity to change it, or not.

    I look forward to hearing from you. I truly hope you had a fantastic Valentines day but I hope even more, that the future of your love life is much more fantastic than just one day.
    You might also like:


  • Ask Lily: Where can I buy an engagement ring?

    Posted: February 24, 2011, 9:00 am by admin

    Hi,

    I know this is a women’s site but I’m like desperate. I want to buy an engagement ring for my girl here in Kenya but I have googled to no avail cannot find any place online. Give me idea where i can go buy. Thanks.

    Steve
    You might also like:


  • Big Shock!

    Posted: February 23, 2011, 9:00 am by quill

    There I was, cheque in hand, in my car, trying to figure out if it was wise to bank the cheque since I had arrears pending and seriously it was such a good deal that some small devil in me was thanking Sandra so much……and back to reality Michelle was my friend and at this particular moment she was my priority. Sighing with relief I was out of the drive way. My mind kept wandering off and of course the angry drivers kept hooting at me to get out of the way.

    My mind was so occupied that I had missed a call from my husband. I had to stop at a petrol station to call him back. He sounded really pissed but that did not bother me so much because his next statement pissed me off so much I almost cursed out loud. “Sandra was here to see me, we need to talk immediately,” he said. The name Sandra makes me want to throw up or should I say like a friend of mine who has been having dreams of strangling her? Sandra had become a pain in places that I cannot mention but really she had gone over board.

    I jumped into my car and was speeding more than I usually do. I could see the other motorists shaking their heads in shock. Like I cared, I was about to strangle a woman who had given me an endless zero cheque but had the audacity to go to my house, for a reason that I could not comprehend. The questions in my head were whirling around and I almost felt dizzy. I reached home in less that thirty minutes and my husband was waiting for me at the door. I tried to read the expression on his face and his body language but zero.

    I noticed that he was not in his usual mood. I did not even go far; I sat down on the sofa and beckoned him to go on. We had been married for long and my husband avoided arguments like the plague, but knowing him, I could feel one brewing (like in cartoons when their faces turn pink and steam comes out of their heads).

    I was ready for whatever was coming. He started by asking why the hell I was borrowing money from Sandra, and that was the main reason Sandra had come over. “She says that she gave you a large sum of money that you had borrowed to start a business. She even showed me the page she had recorded in her cheque book which was dated three months ago, “he said pacing back and forth (he was really making me dizzy). He looked at me waiting for an answer. Knowing him, I shut up and waited for him to unload what that conniving (mmh looking for a word so harsh that she would die if I uttered it). Sandra had really crossed the line. “There is something else she left with me in an envelope. Don’t try and deny this one because it is very true and this is evidence enough,” he said sadness in his voice.

    I picked up the envelope and there I was in a photo hugging Eugene, a long lost school mate I had met at the mall one day. I never thought of denying, so I kept quiet until he finished. “Is that all?” I asked. He nodded and sat down. Now it was my turn to pace back and forth (pay back for dizziness was a B****). In my head I wanted to lash out at my husband because he seemed to believe Sandra more than I, and I was in a trance because I was not sure what to tell him. I coughed and then turned to him and asked him, “How long have we been married? And I refer to the photo which you seem to believe more than me. That is Eugene, we were in the same university and I bumped into him when the kids and I had gone for lunch the time you were out of the country. Remember I told you. You have to believe me I would not cheat on you and I have no reason to.”

    I had to say something about the cheque. I had not checked the date on the cheque when I received it, I guess at that moment I was not sure what to do with the cheque. I took my handbag and removed the cheque and showed it to my husband who as soon as he looked at the date gave it back to me. He looked furious and asked me “T, what is this? I mean you needed money and you could not ask me, your husband?” A moment of silence because I had to wait for him to calm down and then I told him, “Sandra gave me this cheque today because she knows I am aware of what she and Michelle’s husband have been doing. It is meant to be a buy off for my silence. Believe me or not that’s the whole truth”, I said and went to the bedroom.

    After this fight a week later, my husband had been out of the house for some hours each time he left the office and I was always suspicious because he was not the kind of person who went out after work. Recently he had been coming late and receiving text messages late in the night. I was never a snoopy person but I had to get to the bottom of it. On this particular occasion he was in the bathroom and there it was in black and white…SANDRA….messages at midnight and during the day meeting at places so expensive my husband never even took me to such places on top of that seductive messages that I could not even read, am a very imaginative person but I was not sure what was going on and I was not going to ask him until he decided to tell me himself. Sandra in my mind was time to get rid of her…and this was ultimate.

    I know I was being selfish because my first agenda was Michelle and here was this mad woman called Sandra up in my business seducing my husband. I told myself, “T, you are bright it is time to end this.” That night I cooked his best meal and as a family we had a splendid dinner. I told him that I was going to invite Sandra for lunch over the weekend. The cloudy look on his face said it all, either he knew I was up to something but he was not happy. That did not move me.

    I started thinking of ways to destroy this once and for all. That night I went over to Michelle’s because I had to tell her. This had gone too far and I needed my best friend. I had given Michelle a call and she was really apprehensive because I hinted it was about her and we needed a quiet moment alone to discuss. I felt as if I didn’t want to do this alone but I needed my conscience clear. I picked Michelle from her house and went to one of our favorite places.

    I did not beat about the bush; I went straight in with it and said, “I think Sandra and your husband are having an affair.” She looked at me shocked and nodded as a sign for me to go ahead. “ I don’t want to judge but I think it is true, she was in my house to see me and said nasty things to my husband and left a cheque behind which I believe was a buy off and I had to tell you,” I said. I knew I had bended the truth but it was enough to convict her. She wanted to see the cheque and I drew it out of my purse and gave her.

    “What the hell?” she asked. I nodded and told her that Sandra had no reason to hand me over such a cheque unless she had something to hide. I also told her about the text messages she had been sending my husband and the places they were meeting. “It’s plain nasty for her to do that, am not sure what to do. I have not confronted him yet but let him tell me himself. I am having her for lunch this weekend are you game?” I asked.

    Hey what do you say we bank that cheque and go shopping?
    ~ Michelle

    In the time I had talked to Michelle she was very quiet about it. I was not sure what she was thinking. Finally she spoke, “I have known all along and it has been a secret that I have been keeping and I did not want to bother you with it. You know that I don’t like when people are up in my business.” I could not believe it. I mean how in the world were we friends if we could not talk? For a moment I felt so stupid for thinking that all this time I was doing an honorable thing for her and yet she actually knew it. Michelle noticed the look on my face and knew that I was mad and said, “Hey what do you say we bank that cheque and go shopping?” I looked at her with a grin on my face and said nothing. I feigned tiredness and drove her home and was back to my house.

    Is Michelle who she says she really is? Am I a bad person to think her a bad person? Sandra is now my biggest problem since Michelle seems to have handled her business way in advance. Waiting for Sandra, but is it worth it? I mean or will she fade away in the background?

    Editor’s Note:
    Part 1 of the series – How can I tell her…or do i just shut up?
    Part 2 of the series – Talk about wrong timing
    Part 3 of the series – Duped And Deceived
    Part 4 of the series – Big Shock!
    You might also like:


  • Heaven only knows

    Posted: February 21, 2011, 9:00 am by bakhita

    The drama that is my life just got even more complicated now that my cousin has decided to set me up on a date. And she is persistent! She called around to find out if I was single then called me and described the guy before proceeding to tell me not to tell him that I know all this stuff about him. Hmmm, makes me wonder what she told him about me! She sent me his phone number and discreetly added that he would soon be calling me. When he took a few days to respond and I casually informed her the girl went so far as to call him and ask why and I was given a date on which to wait for the call! Yarabi! The girl is set on having us meet.

    It begs the question, why do people assume just because two people are single then they should be pushed towards each other? I hate hook ups. All right so not all my experiences have been horrible, I did meet my first love through a ‘so-and-so anatafuta damme’ situation. But on the whole I hate them. Especially when the person orchestrating the damn thing is so adamant on the two of you working out. My goodness! There is such pressure to act civil when someone is basically saying to your face ‘girl you clearly are having trouble finding a man let me help you out’. Its true but why are you confirming it?

    I can recall with horror how in high school a friend of mine hooked me up with her brother. Gulp. First of all turning down the offer is a slap in her face because I was basically rejecting her and her kin. Secondly I knew a little about the guy and although he seemed nice he’d never struck me as someone interesting to chat with. Thirdly the friend wasn’t exactly a laid-back let-them-be sort of person. Nope. She was heavily invested in our ‘union’. Lord have mercy! So we met on our ‘date’ during a sports event at the school and I wanted to die. He was shy and awkward. Apparently the guy had liked me for a long time and had asked his sister to set things up. I remember I was pissed because my friend was putting pressure on me and I was supposed to fall into line and start liking him back regardless of the fact that we had nothing in common. We just stood there. Stood for what could have been 20 minutes conversing with the grass and watching a game nearby. Argh.

    So why did I agree to this present day hook up? Curiosity I guess. The man is 5 years my senior, comes from an affluent home and is single. How does that work out? What is his story? I just have to find out and because I’m only obliged to have this one date with him I can walk away nice and easy. Plus the romantic in me hopes this is my second chance at having a hook up ending up well. Which girl could walk away from that?

    Signed,
    The girl who is curious but who also knows that she can turn down a date.
    You might also like:


  • Brand yourself!

    Posted: February 18, 2011, 11:20 am by Naomie

    It isn’t very many people who consider the importance of branding to their daily lives. Branding is not just for you to know what best product to pick from the supermarket shelves; it actually follows you wherever you go. Irrespective of what personality you make think you have, you have a brand. People make perceptions of you within a couple of minutes of meeting, they look at what you are wearing, the way you talk and above all the way you carry yourself. At your work place, with your friends, with your customers or simply when sitting on the bus to work, you as an individual have a brand. Brand yourself!

    Top Brands
    The top brands are the leaders of the pack. There is something that makes them stand out from the other ordinary peeps. They may stand out for many reasons, such as the level of excellent service they may offer, the colours that represent them, their degree of loudness, how proficient they are at what they do, how superb they are in representing/expressing themselves, how efficient they are in nabbing deals etc.

    Basically, top brands are the best of the best, a minority, their name speaks for itself, cream of the crop and the work they do is always in top form. At work, I am sure you can already pick out the Top Brands without much thought, because you already know who they are. They have left that imprint in your brain that tells you “I am the top, not you” whether it’s because of the way they may dress, the charisma they have with your boss, the charm they exude to clients, the efficiency of their performance, their notably high level of confidence, the sales targets they have met etc. You probably hate them.

    Not Too Known Brands
    Well, these are best described as mediocre. A large majority fall into the not too known brand, not because you do not have potential to become a top brand, but because of various other factors such as low self esteem which you simply need to get over because yes people are crude and ruthless but you shouldn’t care what they think about you, perhaps you lack confidence which is something you can work on, perhaps you are not too proficient in the work you do in which case you should stick close and learn from peers or take a course that can help you excel.

    At this stage there is so much room for improvement that you can work on to your advantage. Getting to the top brands is challenging, but hey no pain no gain. At your work place there are numerous ways that you can use to improve your brand.

    Unknown Brands
    Sadly, these brands are either new to the market and therefore trying to survive just to make it to the not too known brands or they just lack motivation to do much more than what they are currently doing a.k.a they couldn’t give a hoot they are comfortable. In this day and age it’s important to portray yourself in exactly the same way you want people to perceive you whether it’s in the way you dress, your decorum or even your speech.

    Being an unknown brand is not where you want to permanently be because if offers you very little when it comes to achieving your dreams and goals both in a social setting and at work. Unknown brands have to work really hard to become more exposed to the market, to become more knowledgeable of which direction they want to follow and to learn new tactics or values that will work for them.

    At the work place recently recruited people need to often get to grips with their new environment, they need to learn what values the work place is all about and they need to learn how to stand out. The truth though is sometimes we get too comfortable at this level maybe because don’t really feel motivated to do much more especially if you’re in a job you hate.

    Don’t remain an unknown brand, take it up a notch.
    You might also like:


  • Open letter to Luis Moreno Ocampo

    Posted: February 16, 2011, 9:00 am by miamor

    Dear Mr. Ocampo, I hope this finds you well.

    I am writing this letter regarding the matter of Kenya’s 6 most wanted criminals by the ICC. I would love to say that I’m writing on behalf of all Kenyans but alas, I wouldn’t want to presume. I feel that a letter is necessary because things seem to be getting worse and not better. I was concerned when I saw the 6 alleged murderers and rapists working very hard to avoid prosecution. I was concerned, but not enough to write to you. However, many weeks after your announcement, I am positively worried and losing sleep about it. I am worried sick that your once strong resolve to prosecute these alleged criminals to the fullest extent of international law – in accordance with the treaty that Kenya willingly signed – is weakening.

    Sir, Kenyans have endured decades of impunity. Did you know, for example, that our first president was in power for over to two decades? There are those that call him a dictator while others loved him. What cannot be denied is that he put this country through what we colloquially term as “hell”. I remember the fight for a multi-party system and the fear it instilled in me as a little girl. All of this to say, Kenyans have unfortunately grown accustomed to impunity. I have become accustomed to it, for better or worse.

    That being said, this has simply gone too far! The Kenyan government has spent – and is planning to spend – obscene amounts of money to push their agenda against the ICC and in the defense of some of the accused. This, despite the fact that the ICC offers legal counsel to the accused at no cost to them. The government is using the country’s coffers to defend people who are accused of some of the worst crimes against humanity while their victims languish endlessly in IDP camps. In essence, the Kenyan government is using tax payer funds to pay for the defense of people accused of crimes against those very tax payers! It’s immoral, unfair, insulting, unjust and unethical, but they don’t care.

    Dear Mr. Ocampo, please don’t abandon us. If you hear nothing else I just said, hear this: we NEED you. We need someone to stand up for us; someone who cannot be victimized by the local police or anyone else in the country for that matter; someone who cannot be bought. We need someone who isn’t easily swayed by politics. We need someone to remind our “leaders” and citizens that integrity matters; that we, as citizens, matter. Sir, please push through with the process; do not be swayed by pressure from this or any other government. Do not let their whining get to you, do not let their cries of unfairness sway you to their side. Do not allow them to use you to get away with these crimes, if found guilty.

    However, if you do feel yourself swayed by their arguments – because you are human after all – take a good long look at the victims of these crimes. Let their horror stories of rape, hunger, tears, insecurity, death, abandonment and fear move you to standing your ground. Let the Kenyan governments own decision to have the ICC pursue these cases remind you that you are within your mandate. Let the everyday, hard working Kenyan inspire you forward, for hard work and innovation will mean nothing should the country fall back into chaos. Keep in mind that Kenya is facing another presidential election next year. If they get away with this now, we will never know peace because it will be clear that there will be no consequences for such brutal acts. Finally, remember too that should you allow them to wiggle their way out of this situation, they will be taking your credibility down with them. They will, in essence, be announcing that you too are for sale. That cannot be!

    The accused are simply that: accused. Whether or not they’re guilty is for the ICC to decide; do your due diligence and let their attorneys do theirs and then may the chips fall where they may.

    Dear Mr. Ocampo, Kenyans need to be reassured that the ICC can and does stand for justice for all; we need to see a justice system that actually works. I realize that I had not intended to speak on behalf of Kenyans, but it turns out that I did, for better or worse.

    Sir, please do not abandon us.

    Sincerely,

    Mia

    You might also like:


  • Sweetest Taboo

    Posted: February 14, 2011, 9:00 am by bakhita

    I do not date my friends. I keep them in a box, cage, vacuum…whatever. I’m fairly social and I enjoy the company of the opposite sex very much. But I do not date my friends…Male or female. There’s a reason they have been marked as ‘friendlies’ they’ve been deemed harmless, functional and truly ‘friends for all occasions’. I have my ‘surrogate boyfriend-friend’. He’s in a committed relationship and yet he treats me like his girlfriend. No hanky-panky, just lovey-dovey. He takes me to lunch, movies, buys me chocolates and listens to my woes. He can read me like a book. I’m his plus-one whenever his girlfriend can’t attend something with him. We talk about his relationship with her all the time. In fact his girl and I are friends. Thing is, neither of us wants to date the other. We don’t want to have an affair. We just want to have companionship without the baggage of a formal relationship.

    Sure at some point things get weird like sometimes he says a few ‘interesting’ things to me but I always gently put him in place and remind him this is not what I signed up for. Truthfully part of me would like to date him or at least a guy like him. But I know for a fact that he loves his girl deeply and if we ever had anything we would spoil the ‘arrangement’ because he’s never leave her for me and we’d never be the same again.

    There’s the lets-hang-out-at-this-event-where-we-both-know-no-one-else friend. He’s the guy I know I can leave my drink or hand bag with for a quick dash to the loo. He’s the guy I can argue, laugh at or discuss politics, social life issues or whatever with. He’s cool. I’m comfortable around him. I can be myself. I even help him get girls if we’re at an event together. There are two types of ‘lets-hang-out-at-this-event-where-we-both-know-no-one-else’ friend. There’s one who knows nothing about my personal life. Ours is a superficial relationship with civil sema? Siku-mingi! How’ve-you-been conversations.

    Then there’s the one I have keenly observed and seen I can talk a little more with. With him I can divulge a bit of myself but really the purpose of our friendship is to learn about the male psyche. He’s the guy who tells me how he has 10 girlfriends and why he feels nothing for them or how he likes this girl [not me] or just how men are. I enjoy this type of friend a lot. I have the best conversations with them.

    Then there’s the male friend who has all these lovely features wrapped up in the unfortunate cloth of ‘not-my-type’. He is wonderful, we laugh, we talk, we eat, we dance, we have a glorious time…but he is not my type and in my heart of hearts I know that we will not work as a couple. Why? We are total opposites who have a few wonderful things in common or perhaps tend to react to certain things in the same way. Its like how man is an omnivore and a dog is a carnivore and even though both eat meat there is a separate world in which one cannot exist. Make sense?

    It’s a beneficial friendship, we both have someone to cuddle with and call up for help. But I’m in a dilemma now because two of my ‘not-my-type’ friends like me. Really like me. And its all my fault because in a terrible lapse in judgment, I crossed a kaboundary with them. I’m not making excuses for myself but honestly I did not think they’d want to pursue anything serious with me. May be offer a chips-funga invitation which I would have declined. Of course they are men and would want more, duh, I know that but its not what I wanted or expected.

    Men use friendship to start a relationship and women use friendship to end it

    I read somewhere that men use friendship to start a relationship and women use friendship to end it. Lets examine the first part. Is that what their plan has been? To use our friendship as a springboard into something more meaningful? Perhaps. The problem is I do not date my friends, liwalo liwe. I keep them in a box, cage, vacuum, whatever because they serve a certain need. I need a release! It is they who help me solve or forget, even for a moment, the struggles of singlehood and ‘coupleland’. How can I throw that away? Sure it is very selfish of me but I like where we were before things got complicated. It maybe stupid of me to not let someone who truly cares for me in my life but what about their feelings?

    Both deserve to be with someone who loves them just as much and exactly as they are. I cannot embark on a mission of ‘sympathy dating’ here, both are too precious to me and I respect them too much. Alafu who would I pick anyway? Bleurgh! The worst part is that I cannot tell either of them the truth behind my not wanting to date them. I can, but I don’t want to. Not if, as I strongly suspect, it will mean the end of our friendship.

    Signed,
    The girl who honestly values friendship
    You might also like:


  • I’ve got my oysters!

    Posted: February 11, 2011, 9:00 am by cazz

    “You don’t have to be anti-man to be pro-woman” ~ Jane Galvin Lewis

    My sisters and I grew up knowing without a shadow of doubt that the world really was our oyster and we could achieve anything that we put our minds to. In spite of our strong Kenyan heritage our parents where incredibly liberal – they talked to us about sex, AIDS and HIV, drugs and even welcomed our boyfriends. We got through our teens unscathed, intact and very expressive.

    At 21 I gifted my virginity to my first proper proper boyfriend. Oh the thrill of young love; so urgent, so low maintenance and in my case so doomed. It turned out that this love of my life was dating my best friends plus more. Internet didn’t even exist then but wow, what a social networker! I called it quits and he, believe it or not, told me that not only was I overreacting but it was just as well we were breaking up because his friends considered me a difficult woman. I asked what they meant by difficult and was informed that I was an “Oprah watching, Cosmo reading feminist who did not know my place” a.k.a difficult woman.

    I got married youngish and those difficult ‘rough edges’ just melted away. I took that back seat that so many of us do and dived into love and marriage with all my heart. Husband first, kids a close second and me … I got lost somewhere along the way. Just before my marriage crumbled my ex asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I didn’t know and said as much. I was overweight and lost in a blizzard of linen. Somewhere along of the way I lost my groove, my umph.

    It would be easy to blame something or someone else but really it was me. I bought into the notion that if I fought for what I wanted, asked for my efforts to be acknowledged, if I had expectations and demanded results then I would lose my marriage. Instead I kept quiet and lost it anyway. The ex hooked up with a chic who loved drama. The epic movie type where glasses fly and insults are hurled. He didn’t know if he was coming or going. He loved it. Now I’m not advocating violence and drama but wow, what a turn around.

    I’ve since made peace with myself and found my loud voice. Like Stella my groove is sooooo back. I am here. I have arrived. Call me what you want but I am all about women and what they want. I’m not anti – man. I love them passionately and always will. But now I want my oysters. This is my time and I will ask for and say exactly what I want.

    And I do expect results.

    PS: Next installment on the Potentials coming up soon.
    You might also like:


  • My Dream Chic?

    Posted: February 9, 2011, 9:00 am by admin

    This name came to me under inspiration. My Dream Chic. We always dream that we will get hooked up to that person of our dreams. So with the hope that I was someone’s dream or was in someone’s dream… even as a passerby… hehehe… I refer to myself as Dream Chic.

    May be the reason why people walk up to you and tell you that you look familiar is because you have featured in their dreams. Most likely as an extra and not as the main feature because if you were the main feature they would not be vague when they approach you, like they try so hard to remember your name and where they know you from.

    And how does this dreams thing work anyway? I thought that dreams filter from the sub-conscious meaning that if someone came and said to you that they saw you for the first time and you were the person of their dreams would that be an oxymoron?

    Further exploring on this issue of dreams, if someone once said to you that you were the boy/girl of their dreams then they left you with a broken heart what does that mean? Could it mean:

    • They woke up before the dream was over so they did not get a chance to see how the dream would end
    • They have dreamt about it ending and so they were enjoying it while it lasts

    And what is so special about being somene’s person of their dreams? People usually sleep after a hard day’s work and are semi-dead when they are asleep so what effort did they put in dreaming about you?

    How about they tell you that you are the person of their hard work or the person of their passion or even the person of their pursuit…hehehe…very unromantic I know but practical all the same. I guess there is a reason why some of the things we say to the people of of dreams are termed as ‘sweet-nothings‘ very impractical words put together and how does one become a person of another’s dreams when the same person who is meant to be dreaming tells you ‘I can’t sleep because of you‘, ‘I cant eat because of you‘, etc. How do you dream and not sleep at the same time? Day-dream perhaps? Then you would not be the person of their hardwork because they are busy daydreaming instead of working. Then in the end you say you never saw the red flags earlier. Look, red flags and red tents all over.

    I promise I will write better next time

    Author: Shiro Renee
    Bio: I love to read but am not a very regular writer
    You might also like:


  • Mitumba!

    Posted: February 9, 2011, 9:00 am by Maria

    We all do it. A lot of times, we lie about it. I’m talking about mitumba.

    Sadly, the state of our local clothing industry is far from the point where I would be inclined to buy Kenya build Kenya. Well, I might be content with an abysmal lack of choice in tea towels from Nakuru textiles, but when it comes to things I actually care about – like my clothes, accessories and house furnishings – I insist on choice and creativity. And where better than in the second-hand clothes markets of Kenya, where even the poorest of the poor become connoisseurs of clothing from around the world – as long as they don’t mind the tiny fact that someone else used it first.

    I love mitumba-ing, or to give it a hipper name, thrifting. While everyone and their mother has bought mitumba, there are always a few ladies who are consistently “lucky”. Well, I’ve come to realize that it’s not luck. It’s learned knowledge and an innate sense of style. In my opinion, there’s the Basic and Advanced Mitumba strategy. Coco Chanel’s words: “Fashion fades, only style remains the same.” I’m somewhere between the two, somewhat fashionable, trying to cultivate a real sense of style.

    Basic Mitumba-ing
    If you’re starting at zero, I’ve learned two basic strategies. My first, kinda lame, strategy is to always go for clothes that are near the outside edge of the market and are on hangers. This is as opposed to the “chagua” piles. They are more expensive, because the sellers know well what’s in at the moment. I’ve done fairly well using this technique, and there’s the added bonus of knowing that the resellers choose clothes that are in fairly good repair, and many launder and press them.

    Strategy two is to become a student of fashion. This was my college-days strategy, buying magazines and browsing the internet, and finding out what’s in. This is like cramming for an exam. Even in the chagua piles, with your learned knowledge you can snag good finds.

    Advanced Mitumba-ing
    This is where I’m at. Trying to cultivate a true sense of style. Another Coco quote: “Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening.” This is part of my furaha project this year. Truly discovering my personal aesthetic. Part of it has been going with my gut feeling, ignoring the “where the hell will you ever wear that!?!” feeling that usually keeps me in conformist clothing. Just last week, I stumbled upon the most gorgeous cobalt blue quilted handbag with a lush red velvet lining and thick brass chain strap. (700 bob from Toi Market). At the time I was looking for a giant black or brown work bag, and I stood there for about 10 minutes trying to convince myself to JUST DO IT. And I did!

    Another time, I ended up bringing out my almost forgotten home-science skills. I found a dress in a beautiful fabric, but it was one of those maxi length, short-sleeved 90s horrors with buttons all the way down the front. I snipped it in half across, did a halfway decent job at removing the sleeves and now it’s a short sweet sun dress. Yet another time, I bought a green blouse with an interesting white leaf print for 5 bob. It was definitely too old and ugly to wear, but the print was great. I didn’t know what to do with it fora while, until I had the inspiration to cut strips of it and wrap it around circular plastic earrings to create a fab pair of fabric-covered earrings.

    It’s fairly hit-or-miss, but I’m learning and growing this year. One aspect of my Furaha Project this year is growing my creative self, and so far this is a great way of doing it.
    You might also like:


  • The heart is not so smart

    Posted: February 7, 2011, 9:00 am by bakhita

    I’m not fond of older men. I find them cunning. Some age well and are great to look at but that is where I draw the line. No touchy-touchy! I think a five-year gap isn’t too bad but anything more than that and you are venturing into dangerous territory. I believe men and women go through various stages/ mental ‘states’; a time to read, a time to smoke weed and a time to breed. Hehe. From childhood to adolescence and finally adulthood, men and women have different motivations and needs that drive their actions.

    The sort of old man-young woman relationship I’m talking about here isn’t the sugar daddy scenario where both parties know exactly what motivates the other, rather my observations on the two in a ‘proper’ relationship. It’s a belief I’ve had for a long time and only recently did I realize how right I was to be wary of them.

    Have you ever found out some information about two people you know and literally felt your heart sink/ sick to your stomach/other saying mentioning a body part and unhappiness? Lets call them Njoro and Caro. Njoro is related to me and Caro is a family friend. Njoro is close to 40 years old and Caro is not yet 25.

    They met a few years ago at a family outing where stories and saliva were swapped.

    They met a few years ago at a family outing where stories and saliva were swapped. We all knew Njoro as a good time guy, he’s the first guy to throw a rao or line up 20 shots of sambuca for whoever wanted a swig. Caro was the pretty girl, sweet, reserved and sorry to say a little ‘blonde’ friend of the family. So when we saw them together we all clutched our hearts [haha sayings featuring body parts will surely pepper this post] and prayed that Njoro would not take poor Caro for a ride…in ever sense of the word. Because it was obvious that Caro was at an impressionable age and we knew that Njoro was recovering from a gut-wrenching break up and wasn’t looking to settle down.

    Predictably, Caro feel for Njoro, fast and HARD while Njoro basked in the glow of adoration but steered clear of making any sort of commitments to the girl. Njoro is handsome even I can see that and the reports shared through the rumour mill aka ‘catching up’ with my cousins and friends revealed that he was often seen in the company of different women all over town. We’d been trying to stage an intervention for Caro but she seemed to duck us or nod her head and blankly stare into the distance whenever we tried to raise the topic. From the last time she and I bumped into each other and I openly told her that I’d seen Njoro with a girl the previous weekend, she completely separated herself from us.

    She knew we all disapproved. As people privy to Njoro’s true intentions, we knew he was not the type of man she ought to be with. A few months ago we learnt that Njoro had done away with the many girls in his life and settled on two, Caro and another. And his plan was to marry the girl who would get pregnant first!

    I was disgusted. Was this how older men operated? Manipulating a girl just to suit his needs? She rebuffed all attempts to have a sit down and hear us out and we all hoped that fate would intervene and save her poor soul. It was not to be as she is now pregnant. The ‘winner’ in a competition I bet she had no idea she’d been participating in. Are we blinded by love or do we consciously make a choice to put ourselves in a situation hoping to change its set course? Is this just one of those sad stories we give to our friends to warn them? Or are we mistaken and they will find love and happiness in the end?

    All I know is this, very soon Caro will become a mother and a wife and I honestly think all Njoro will become is a father.

    Signed,
    The girl who still doesn’t like older men.
    You might also like:


  • Duped And Deceived

    Posted: February 3, 2011, 9:20 am by quill

    Sandra was special in so many ways. As much as we had been friends for a while, she had so many secrets that Michelle and I used to wonder what was real or not. Am not saying that it is bad to have secrets but if we really call ourselves BFF’s then what was so major for one to hide? Anyway so after my son was horrified beyond words, I mean nearly giving my boy a heart attack and then wanting to talk to me, I decided that Sandra had some explaining to do.

    Thursday afternoon after I had done my errands for the day, Sandra called and insisted we meet at a very expensive place. It then occurred to me that if I was not careful I was about to be bought without even knowing.

    I arrived, parked my car and there she was looking so gorgeous in a sun dress (I would have sworn that it was not her). She waved at me and I went to the table. I was nervous because I was holding a secret so dear and I had a friend whom I cherished so much but I was here with the traitor and home breaker (I already jumped to that conclusion unless this meeting proved me wrong).As I had said, all my senses and two extra including a satellite were all functioning that day.

    I walked slowly and carefully, sat down and she handed me the menu (ok I was starving so I could not decline-but again in my head I was the “nerve of this woman!”). I flipped the menu and settled on some chicken and fries (the prices were so exorbitant I chose the reasonable one). Sandra was quiet and I knew she was reading my mood. I am one of those mean-ass people who can swallow you alive if am having a bad day. She searched my face for clues and sighed with relief. I was not sure it was a good sign because I had a feeling I would hit the roof about her excuse.

    Again as I said, the nerve of this woman, my lunch arrived, I ate and then settled for some ice cold juice and still she had not uttered a word. “Sandra, you asked me to come and hear you out and it’s been an hour and you have no decency to say anything? Am leaving. I have a lot of things to do,” I said pulling my chair and on my feet. I was fuming I could feel my ears turn pink and hot.

    She smiled and looked at me and said, “You know Tatiana, you always have been a smart ass and I want you to know am not afraid of you or Michelle. If you want to go ahead and tell her, then be my guest. But remember that what I share with Michelle’s husband is more than any of you can comprehend.”

    I had to sit down because this was beyond my comprehension. I mean this …I was lost for words to even describe her-has the nerve to actually threaten me on something that concerns her? I had to think straight before I abused the living hell out of this woman. It was not my battle and here I was fighting in it.

    I had to ask her what her problem is and then she said, “My dear Tatiana, I have known that man even before he married Michelle and I have children with him. Michelle is his second wife and he wants to divorce her and am sorry you had to hear it from me and that’s the hard core truth. I warn you just make sure you don’t burn yourself in that oil.”

    Utter shock and dismay, I could not find my words. I was tongue tied and in so much shock that it was not funny. I did not want to judge anyone neither defend anyone. Here I was with information that could destroy people and I was quiet about it. One, two, three, I took a deep breath and calmed down, although m y heart was racing.

    “You know Sandra, I don’t think what you are telling me is the truth and I don’t care what you have to say I shall tell Michelle. How do you even live with yourself all this lying and cheating? How do you sleep at night telling yourself that Michelle’s husband belongs to you when you really know he isn’t?” I asked almost shouting.

    “Tatiana, you are so naïve that sometimes I want to slap the living hell out of you. Who do you think has kept me in that apartment and bought me that car, finances my gym membership and all those exotic trips I take? Stop acting like a child,” she said giving me a sly look.

    I was pissed as hell. I wished the world would stop so that I could scream the F word so loud that my lungs could not handle. I recollected myself and there was some truth in what Sandra was insinuating. I stood up and I was about to leave without even a goodbye when she said “Don’t forget to pay the bill for your lunch,” What? I could not even believe it. This woman was the devil’s sister and that was not a myth but a fact. I was so glad that I could afford that meal. Thanks to my extra senses.

    Witch…she was a witch. As I paid the waiter she watched me with a grin on her face and then pulled an envelope from her handbag and told me, “I hope that is compensation enough,” and she stood and left before I could even say anything.

    I was left there starring at the envelope three minutes later and she had already pulled away from the parking. I hesitated to open the envelope, it could go off anytime like a bomb. I finally did and there was a cheque in my name and OMG the zeros on that cheque were unbelievable. Was this the price for my silence not to tell Michelle or approach her husband? Sandra was a real plotter and deceiver. I took the cheque and put it in my handbag and went to my car.

    I sat in the car for almost ten minutes until my phone rang and it was a text from Sandra saying thanks. I had to see Michelle very soon because this was getting out of hand.

    Editor’s Note:
    Part 1 of the series – How can I tell her…or do i just shut up?
    Part 2 of the series – Talk about wrong timing
    Part 3 of the series – Duped And Deceived
    Part 4 of the series – Big Shock!
    You might also like:


  • The One

    Posted: February 2, 2011, 9:00 am by lawrence

    Kevin met Kate on Facebook. They exchanged inbox messages for a while before finally planning an actual date. Two years later, Andrew and Kate got married in a beautiful garden wedding in Naivasha. I attended that wedding.

    Kiptum had met Wanjaa several times before but he didn’t really pay her much thought. At the time he was in a committed relationship with another girl from his church. Three years later, he met Wanjaa again at a camping trip that had been organized by one of his friends. He had just broken up with his Girlfriend of five years. He couldn’t remember where he had seen Wanjaa before, but he was sure they had met. She couldn’t remember ever meeting him before. They had a good time. Everyone at the camp could see that those two were really hitting it off. They are now engaged, due to be married in a few months.

    I have more of these out-of-the-blues kind of encounters that culminate in that blessed eternal bond between two Love birds. Every time I think about it, it baffles me how random these stumble-upons are. I try desperately to find a pattern, any common ingredient among them that forms the recipe for a happy ending. All my efforts so far have been futile. There’s no pattern. They are as random as the first ‘ma-three’ that shows up when you go to the bus stage.

    God is cruel; the master puppeteer who makes events happen as he wishes, leaving the subjects totally at the mercy of his will or whim if he has any. Do we have any control whatsoever on whom the person meant for us is? No! Do any of our actions, good or bad, influence his choice of the next random person who will become our better half?

    We grow up forming this mental picture of who the person we want to spend our life with looks, acts or talks like. We all have an ever evolving blueprint that we hope he or she will fit into like a glove. Ask anyone who is married whether this is the case. It’s not.

    So every time I meet someone (and as a single guy this happens quite frequently) and I think, huh, she looks like someone I would take home to mama, I try to hold back the excitement. But I’m a romantic; so again, my efforts at not trying to pin point THE ONE are also painfully futile.

    If there was one request I’d make to God today, it would be that as my wedding day gift, he sends me a video tape of the first time I meet my soon to be wife. Wouldn’t that be something?

    Yesterday, I met Kanji. I found it weird that she introduced herself as Kanji and as expected, my first reaction was, uhm, I thought Kanji is a man’s name. We had nearly bumped into each other as I got into the pizzeria where I was to meet some long lost friends. She was rushing out to receive a phone call, and I was rushing in to avoid being anything more than thirty minutes late. Back at the table, as I feigned huge remorse for my lateness, she walked up to our table and apologized once again for the little head on collision we just had at the door. I apologized in return and she retreated back to her girlfriends at a nearby table.

    “That’s one pretty girl bro”

    “And polite too! That’s rare in Nairobi!!”

    “I know…So how have you guys been!? Long time!”

    Of course I got her number later on. And as I wrote her this text message, I wondered if this is the story I’ll be telling over and over for the rest of my life…

    “Sup Kanji. Twas nice bumpin (literally) into you today. Hope to see you again soon. Nite.”

    Your romantic choices say a lot about who you truly are.

    PS: It seems to be the enlightened opinion of most of my friends, and my readers that I should take a step back from relationships and focus on me for a while. To them, I only have this to say. If you want to know who you really are, look at the person you choose to call Special! Your romantic choices say a lot about who you truly are. Do you agree?

    The search for Daisy’s replacement continues.
    You might also like:


← January 2011 (18 items) March 2011 (13 items) →

Blah blah blah

Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes

Kenyan Blogs