STONE COLD HAVEN

• Jailed for literally saying “Fuck you” to neighbours - You’ve got to love it!

  Posted: April 28, 2009, 10:21 am by Darius Stone

  Every once in a while, folks get to surprise you with their determination to shove a middle finger in the direction of those who can’t deal with it. If you ever doubted the criminal justice system can be cynical, then meet 48 year old Carolyn Cartwright - who believes it’s her God given right to enjoy [...]

• Confessions of the Stone Kind

  Posted: April 24, 2009, 12:34 pm by Darius Stone

  Clearly avoiding the tag was wishful thinking and I totally blame her of the crazy variety 3TOC.

  Apparently this is a honesty scrap award bestowed on Stone Cold Haven for (what was it again 3TOC?), and I’ve got to fess up to 10 things then follow some instructions or something….So here goes.

  1. I don’t have a mobile phone. I decommissioned my cell phone last year and I’ve never looked back. It was as liberating as giving up smoking 5 years ago. There’s just something about taking control of your life and deciding when you actually want to talk to people. I got to the stage of accepting that there’s nothing urgent that won’t wait for me to get home. I’ll go as far as saying that it’s made my quality of life much better and reduced my stress levels.

  The ability for anyone to call you at will is an unwelcome destruction many people are too weak to face. Some people are so anal about their cell phones they could have sex with them if it was possible to do that – an act I wouldn’t put past some. In fact, I rarely talk to people on the phone unless I’m convinced you’ll add value to my time – so nothing personal if I don’t pick up the phone at home.

  As for calls during work hours, I’ll be damned if I speak to you if you’re not part of a process designed to help me make money. It’s a no brainer.

  2. Apart from regular and sports news, I don’t watch regular scheduled TV. Even for the news, there are some channels that I’d rather poke my eyes with needles than watch because of their sickening obsession with broadcasting bad and biased news that shamelessly promotes imperialistic agendas.

  If you want me to punch you (even in your own house) put on Fox news while I’m in the room – and that’s not the only one, though I won’t waste a punch for others.

  For this reason, I’ve become a hardened supporter of on demand TV for the rest of my entertainment and nourishment. Whoever conceived the idea that you can watch TV as and when you want on demand is a genius. Everything I need to watch is on demand TV (well except for Baby Father which I think is a crime for this show not to have a re-run as it was one of the best shows especially with a predominantly black cast where gangs, violence and hip hop music was not the order of the day).

  While on the news theme, I only read newspapers on the web, and always certainly start with the Sports pages.

  3. Over recent years, my threshold for accepting stupidity has become lower and lower to the point of intolerance. Case in point – people who answer their cell phones and ask the caller “how did you know I was here?”. I think stupidity should be an offence under the criminal justice system with a custodial sentence that prescribes solitary confinement for repeat offenders.

  Failing that, folks should be allowed to apply for a licence to take stupid people out back and give them a good hiding. Nothing life threatening, just a good old fashioned pasting.

  4. Most of my lifelong friends are from high school. I find it hard (well, I probably go out of my way to avoid it) to make friends with people I’ve met in my adulthood. Maybe it’s the baggage and drama that folks come with, or maybe we just don’t get along. Of course I differentiate friends from acquaintances and drinking buddies that are best left in the pub – the sort you’d never take home to meet your mother.

  Saying that, most of the good friends (some very close) I have made since high school are friends that I’ve made online for one reason or another. It’s interesting that people sometimes try to separate their lives from their online presence and see online interaction as something you switch on and off at will – some spiritual folks say it’s impossible to separate you from your alter ego.

  In one of my university courses (some time ago now) on the impact of the internet on social interaction and the psychology of it – my study group did a case study on mashada.com – a site started by a former school mate, where I was a member (long retired). Being one of the earliest members (Jeez – I’m old…) of this crazy and more often than not outlandish forum (No! Don’t look for Stone, you won’t find me there as Stone…LOL!), I was well placed to provide insight to the relationship between people’s anonymous alter-egos online and their real lives. The psychology of it was fascinating to say the least, but more importantly, the overall conclusion was the appreciation of a misguided disconnect by people who still think the internet is a plug and play component of their lives that they can separate at will from their day to day communication and interaction with the world.

  My class mates thought Kenyans were psycho (but a good psycho) after spending some considerable time on mashada for the case study – maybe I should come out of retirement and check the place out again, though there’s probably some folks there now who hadn’t even started eating solid foods when I was a member.

  5. Over the years, I have become very cynical about religion. I can’t help but think that the whole concept of different religions in the world is just a big hoax that’s designed as a mechanism to control the masses.

  What intrigues me is the idea that someone is supposed to blindly follow a doctrine without questioning or taking some time to try and reason or rationalize the teachings of such a doctrine. They call it faith I think, but if someone is supposed to have a close relationship with their God, what’s with the intermediaries in the form of religions and churches. Are folks incapable of having a relationship with their God without someone holding their hand?

  My cynicism stems more from the fact that there’s so many inconsistencies with this story of God and the different renditions of what some consider to be the world’s best story book – the Bible.

  Some people have found my views around this very uncomfortable and offensive, but I fail to see how we get to the place where the only reaction to a conversation about the veracity of a so called religion is folks getting hot under the collar and threatening that the Bible says you will burn in hell with fire and Brimstone for even questioning.

  What happened to good old fashioned conversation? For example, nobody so far has given me a plausible answer as to whether animals commit sin by fornicating and having sex out of wed lock – I mean, if all creatures a God’s creation, why the double standards? Why do humans have to get married and supposedly enjoy one of the fruits of life within a matrimonial context – and anyone indulging outside marriage is seen as sinful? The only come back has been something about humans given more ability to reason and created in the likeness of God so we are more superior. Indeed we may be, but it still doesn’t explain whether animals are committing sin.

  6. I’m trying to get better at accepting that not everyone can easily deal with my bluntness. Life has taught me that some things need to be served cold, but I guess with time, you also get to learn that its equally important to acknowledge that cold is uncomfortable for some people.

  Several friends and ex-girlfriends have told me that one of my most chilling characteristics is my ability to be calm and not even raise my voice during drama filled episodes. So much so that I supposedly transmit a nervy and cold demeanour that can be unsettling. One even confessed that after that conversation, she shut herself in the kitchen and had one of them “how the hell did I fuck that one up so bad moments”.

  I prefer not to spend my energy stressing about some things – so I guess I rationalize my actions by suggesting that being calm stresses me less and I really don’t have air time for shouting matches.

  7. I’m at a stage in my life where I’m determined to live it without being in the drama of the rat race. Been there, done it, got the suit, the T-shirt and the DVD – and I’m done. The quality of my life and my family’s life is more important than running around like a headless chicken in a career that I don’t enjoy any more.

  I find it hard in the first place staying in a job for more than 3 years – I kinda see my value as that of getting things from A to B and once that’s done, I’m off. In my last job as someone’s employee, I got asked what I saw my role to be in a Q&A session – and my answer after some thought was that I felt it was my job to open the door and for the rest of them to keep it open.

  I’m in my second stint running my own business and this time round, I guess I’m more relaxed about things, much wiser and more importantly, much smarter than the first time round and I know what to do to get some balance to things. There’s a very big difference between working for yourself and having a business and only experience can teach you that.

  8. Many folks think I only started blogging in December last year. Matter of fact, I’ve been blogging a long long time – only it was for my former employer. My last two jobs made it impossible for me to work, blog, and have a life at the same time…so I engineered the blogging to be part of my job description. Some have asked me why I don’t return to some of them posts….but it’s one of them things you know.

  Apparently, I signed a contract that suggested that the stuff I wrote remained the intellectual property of that employer. I guess it’s impossible for them to remove my name as the author (which is fine for me) and more importantly, I got paid handsomely to leave the intellectual rights with them.

  9. I’m a sucker for music and in particular old school soul music. They don’t write them like they used to do back in the day. I grew up around music and was crazy enough to major in it in high school – though my major regret was not learning how to read music score properly (I mean the really really deep stuff here) when I had the chance. I could read music and even did my own arrangements that others were able to play – but I guess some things just pass you by.

  I have an obscene collection of music, most of which is now converted to a digital format – but I lost the plot literally (and was diagnosed as depressed when 10 years ago, I lo
  lost my entire collection of music when it was stolen. I still refuse to tell anyone what it cost me to pay for that collection coz’ folks will think I’m insane, but its sentimental value was much more important to me than anything else. With time, I’ve managed to get some of it back (thanks to the usual suspects for helping me out) – but it’s not the same.

  I still listen to other stuff especially since my wife has an eclectic taste and collection of music that ranges from classical types like Pavarotti and Bochelli to African classics from greats like Simba Wanyika – but I draw the line on head banging hard core rock. That’s just outright noise.

  10. I first went to a night club when I was 15. I probably would have got frozen but got smuggled into Carnivore by an older girl I knew from church – and she bought me the first beer too….

  My mum found out about this coz’ a family friend who was there that night but I didn’t see him sold me out and it made life difficult for me for a bit…LOL! But life has its way of paying back. This guy seemed for years to be happily married (to a girl I knew very well and hang out with sana) and was the envy of town….

  Only, one day in a bar in North Carolina while having a quiet beer with a friend, his wife walked right up to me and pulled a bar stool and let’s just say my friend felt like a spare wheel after that. So after all those years, his wife upped and left without notice…just picked up her passport, her daughter and left the country (they had the means)….and left the dude at the traffic lights. Didn’t even tell him shit…just called when she arrived in America and told him I left you. Kweli money can’t buy you love.

  I would have liked to say that was retribution for all them years back when he sold me out – but I actually felt sorry for him. When I asked his wife what cut and why she didn’t just divorce him – she was like “Wacha Darius – you know peeps at home, who was going to allow me to divorce that one”.

  So there – another dip into the life of Stone

  So, as instructed – here are the things to do for my unsuspecting victims.

  1. You must brag about the award.
  2. You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to their blog.
  3. You must tag a minimum of 7 blogs that you think are brilliant either in content or design
  4. Show their names and links and leave them with a comment to inform them that they’ve got the dreaded tag from honest weblog.
  5. List at least 10 honest things about yourself then pass it on with instructions.
  My unsuspecting victims:

  1.M the Thinker - A comrade from this here internet of ours – a true wordsmith.

  2.Mocha - simply coz’ I want to get her out of retirement

  3. Shiko – Always refreshing and maybe she can tell us more about this amazing ice-cream at the coast.

  4. Rombo - bumped into this lady a little while ago. Fascinating insights and she claims she has a window but the view ain’t hers

  5. Our Kid - Only found out about this guy this week but I already want him to be my lawyer. He can start by doing this one

  6. Lady Pink – now you didn’t think I’d leave you out, did you?

  7. Mystic – an interesting one in a land far away from home – Interesting dilemmas
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• G8: A continuing irrelevance that pledges to “sort out the pending world food crisis”

  Posted: April 20, 2009, 9:29 pm by Darius Stone

  A quick scan through history provides a fascinating insight into the downfall of some of yesteryear’s (well – centuries really) global powers and their gradual and sometimes dramatic fall from grace.

  Take for example, the Order of the Knights Templar – arguably the world’s first multi-national corporation who were pretty much responsible for inventing the banking system. They may have had their day between the 12th and 14th centuries – but during their time, they wielded unprecedented power through their economic resources that would rival the combined economic power of the so called G8. Of course they had their very own militia to boot, who operated with the ruthlessness of any fighting force known to man – but we’re not going to suggest that these “soldiers of the temple” were a bunch of thugs sanctioned by the Catholic church now, are we?

  
  Fast forward to the 19th century and a bizarre, outlandish and surreal gathering by some European folks in Berlin in 1886 decided – “You know what, fuck it! We’re not going to survive out here going on like this – let’s all head out to Africa, colonize the bastards, and chop it up and divide it among ourselves. May the best country win”…hence the rise of the British Empire (and the rest of them of course)…

  Like with many dynasties and empires, the Order of the Knights Templar and the British Empire have some common threads – their fall from grace was both inevitable and incredible, but more so, their downfall was driven by the fact that they were no longer relevant and were past their sell by date.

  In the case of the Knights Templars, a clearly vindictive King Phillip of France used weaknesses stemming from the continued irrelevance of the templars to finish them off. Granted, there was a small matter of the King being indebted up to his eyeballs to the templars who financed his various unsuccessful wars (George Bush comes to mind here) against the British - and arresting them, torturing them, charging them pretty much with blasphemy and treason and killing them by roasting them on a stake – clearly provided a creative solution to sort his debts out. (*Makes a mental note that there are other ways of settling issues with creditors apart from paying them*)

  In the case of the British empire, it became untenable that such a small island would continue to conquer the world and plunder the colonies in search of resources and raw materials to sustain their livelihoods. My only issue with the fall of the British empire is that there’s a wide spread myth that on the exit of the colonial masters, African countries actually achieved independence. “Independence from what?”, I normally ask. In Kenya’s case for example, all that happened on that cold December night in 1963 was that power passed from one set of seasoned thugs to another more unsavoury and locally bred bunch of bandits masquerading as freedom fighters.

  I digress, but my point is – empires and world orders crumble because they’re no longer relevant in any given age. Fast forward again to this here world of ours in 2009, and the lessons history has taught us have come to play again.

  The G8, in my view, a self imposed cabal of dodgy imperialists who decided to usurp the democratic space of the UN and impose themselves to the world as the giver and taker on the basis of their economic power – has had their time.

  There was a time that they could claim that their economies warranted their exclusive club status, but like President Lula daSilva of Brazil recently undiplomatically articulated – “Have you seen an Indian or a black man having the power and resources to cause damage to the world economy? This mess was caused by blue eyed white people who think they know everything”. He was of course talking about the current global economic crisis.

  The global financial crisis has not spared any of the so called developed countries. In fact, some are at the brink of negotiating with the IMF to bail them out. Mind you, this is an institution that the cabal members put in place without much thought to “sort” out the developing world – and created a culture that saw any country receiving money from the IMF as a pariah. The others have resorted to printing new money to buy out the radio-active assets that got us into this mess – but of course, they’ll call it quantitative easing or something fancy like that. Ask Robert Mugabe and he’ll tell you “those bastards are printing money like I did, don’t let them lie to you”…

  . Now that the only justifiable basis for this cabal of 8 to exist has been removed out of the equation, you’ve got to ask yourself why they should even be taken seriously. They don’t have the economic power that they justified their existence as an exclusive club with.

  Take the example of the last G8 meeting where the cabal sang to anyone who would listen that they had resolved to save the world’s environment, they had continued with their commitment to save Africa from itself, and had got Russia and America talking again.

  Well, at least they decided to seriously examine cutting green house gas emissions in half by 2050. Any seasoned diplomat will tell you “seriously examine” is a euphemism for “let’s kick this fucker into the long grass”.

  As for Africa and aid, don’t get me started. It’s tragic enough that the destiny of a whole continent is pinned on the eloquence and campaigning skills of ageing rock stars like Bono and Bob “give us your fucking money” Geldof – all the cabal decided to do was reiterate their commitment to supporting aid efforts in Africa. Talk about a broken record.

  As for Russia and America talking – I guess the other European countries in the G8 have to make themselves look busy and relevant and force themselves as mediators. Besides, if they don’t, someone might notice that Brazil, Russia, India and China actually have more clout than they do on global economic and political matters.

  When times were hard, a tactical move saw the emergence of the G20 with their first main summit recently in London. However, the talking shop that it was won’t change the fact that the entire continent of Africa was not properly represented at this jaunt. For good measure of course, they threw in a lame duck South African caretaker President so that they can tell the world “lookey right here – we have some folks from Africa too”….and there was one chap from NEPAD too – but if anyone needed an indication that Africa needs to take itself seriously and sort out its own issues, then here you are.

  Gadaffi for all his longevity and staleness in political office may have been on to something when his first rallying call as AU president was for the formation of the United States of Africa. Set aside what you think of this old geezer, but there’s a visionary in this guy.

  Clearly there’s a hell of a lot of distance still between the rhetoric of a United States of Africa and the reality of our dodgy and thug life leadership that sometimes makes you feel some African leaders should just be put into one stadium and shot.

  However, there’s still a significant amount of merit in aspiring for more effective economic and political integration within Africa and for African leaders to be visionary enough to see the solutions to the continents problems as coming from within. A good start are the regional blocks like the EAC, ECOWAS and SADEC – but first, they have to work for the people within their regions, and I’m sure we all have a story about them.

  I forget again why I was writing this article….Yeah! The agriculture ministers of the G8 countries are getting together to thrash out a solution to the pending world food crisis. Of course they’ll throw in someone from South Africa or something for good measure and maybe a stooge from a related UN agency to do some administration and follow up.

  Don’t be surprised if all that happens is that a solution for Africa to whole heartedly embrace genetically modified food is presented as a saviour to this crisis. Nothing at all to do with pushing the corporate agendas of multi-nationals like Monsanto who have a bit of bad press out west and need a new market…God forbid, that would be immoral (*he says with some sarcasm*)

  How about stopping farm subsidies that allow cheap European produce to flood developing countries and wipe out any chance of the African farmer to get something for their wares in a fair market? Maybe they’ll get a chance to survive enough to grow their own food to eat.
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• Kenya’s shot gun wedding: Self Destructing to Irretrievable Chaos

  Posted: April 13, 2009, 12:36 am by Darius Stone

  Today marks the first anniversary of the shot gun wedding that the Kenyan political establishment was dragged into, kicking and screaming. The choices following the chaos of the discredited 2007 general election ranked somewhere between impossible and improbable, and if only to stop the killing, violence and lawlessness, the two main protagonists had little choice but to commit to political matrimony.

  If it wasn’t tragic enough, you could almost picture it:

  
  

  Kenyan President Mwai Kibaki

  To the left of the proverbial priest, a jaded and tired looking Emilio Mwana wa Kibaki, wearing the mystified face of a misguided, power-hungry incumbent – who’s eyes tell a tragic story of a shell shocked and politically disenfranchised character who stares blankly in wonderment about how things could have got so bad. If they could speak, Emilio’s eyes could have been heard constantly asking “They told me wananchi would complain for a few days then we’ll be back to Kazi iendelee. What the hell happened?”

  Kenyan Prime Minister Raila Odinga

  To the right, a bitter and frustrated Raila Odinga who feels that he’s been violently robbed of his date with destiny as the leader of a people. A man who has only to look in the mirror to recognize the contempt he holds for his partner in matrimony that lurks beneath the surface and is only held back by the desperation to salvage a justifiable sense of political restitution for an election he believes he has just won.

  Former UN Secretary General Kofi Annan

  Lurking in the shadows, the ever humble and diplomatic Kofi Annan, with the clear bulge of a heavy duty shot gun struggling to wrestle out of his immaculate suit. A man who’s biggest regret while Secretary General of the UN was that the Rwandan genocide took place on his watch and the UN apparatus was powerless to stop it or influence other players to stop the genocide. A man who’s face shows a steely determination of someone who has been given a second chance to redeem himself and will stop at nothing to ensure that what happened in Rwanda is not repeated in Kenya.

  As Kibaki and Odinga take their vows, a representative congregation of an entire people of a nation watch with bated breath. They watch in anticipation hoping for an immediate cessation of violence. They watch and hope that the killing and mutilation will stop. They watch and hope that the gang rape and horrific violation of women and young girls will stop. They watch and hope that the country does not sink further into tribally fuelled anarchy.

  Desperate father scrambling for safety with his 2 children through burning rubble during the post election violence on Jan 2nd 2008 in Mathare Slums.

  One year on, has the marriage worked?

  The blunt answer to that is Absolutely Not! The Kenyan leadership spearheaded by both Kibaki and Odinga has illustrated a spectacular level of incompetence that at best, is laughable, and at worst, tragic.

  In fact, I’ll go as far as saying that the continued leadership of these two characters and their grand coalition government are a direct threat to the existence of the Kenyan society as we know it.

  To illustrate my point, I’d like to take a step back and revisit some of the key issues that led us to where we are.

  Many observers acknowledge that the discredited 2007 election was most certainly a trigger to the violence that was unleashed on Kenyans – where neighbours turned on each other, lawlessness became a cottage industry, over 1000 people lost their lives and hundreds of thousands were displaced from their homes.

  However, before the 2007 election, all the ingredients of the dynamics of a classic civil war were already in place.

  • The ethnic fragmentation caused by the 1992 and 1997 clashes in Rift Valley and the Coast province, as well as other pockets within the country.
  • Long overdue constitutional reforms.
  • Decades of flawed and failed policies that affected the livelihoods of huge sections of the population.
  • Historical injustices and land grievances.
  • Colonial legacies that encouraged and supported tribal politics in favour of nationalist politics as a divide and rule tactic.
  • Wide spread poverty and economic inequalities
  • Media hyperbole and irresponsible and unaccountable broadcasting.
  • A betrayal of the hopes of the people by the NARC government elected in 2002 on a reform agenda.

  Two things are quite disturbing at this point in time.

  Firstly, none of the above historical and long term reforms have been addressed. The failed experiment of the grand coalition government has done nothing to give Kenyans any expectation that this lot of discredited leaders can run a bath or organize an empty drawer if their lives depended on it.

  Secondly, despite the unanimous calls for change in leadership of a generational kind, there are few, if any, viable alternatives to the leaders in place at the moment.

  On the first issue, it’s only a matter of time before another trigger unleashes the worst violence that Kenyans have ever seen. We console ourselves by rationalizing that we have learnt lessons from the violence of 2008, but clearly – the leadership have resorted to their own devices and are blissfully ignoring the ticking time bomb their sitting on and fuelling with their total disregard of the wishes of their electorate.

  A brief lesson into the history and chronology of the Rwandan genocide will aptly illustrate how it’s possible for the seeds of a human catastrophe to be sown while we bury our heads in the sand and pretend that what happened in Rwanda will never happen to Kenya. The comparisons of the two scenarios are not far off by any measure.

  On the second issue of lack of a viable leadership alternative – there is an unacceptable vacuum in leadership that exists because the next generation have not stepped up to the plate for whatever reason. A “every person for him/herself” unpatriotic attitude” - or the absolute fear of harm and retaliation, political assassinations and extra judicial killings unleashed by the old guard and the establishment on some younger upcoming leaders who have tried – may have put promising leaders off.

  But leadership is not just needed in politics, it’s needed in enterprise, in public service administration, in health and social care, in development and in many other disciplines that are essential to keep the country ticking over day by day.

  The revolution needed in Kenya to return the country back to the citizens who own it is made even more complicated by the fact that the old guard in power right now have blatantly illustrated the impunity by which they are going to cling to power by all means necessary – and if we want our country back, we’re going to have to take it back because the only exit strategy the old guard know is the kind that permanently relocates them 6 feet underground in a wooden box.
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• Our Duty Never to Forget What Happened in Rwanda in 1994

  Posted: April 7, 2009, 9:42 pm by Darius Stone

  Very few people who don’t understand the history of ethnic tensions in Rwanda and the surrounding regions couldn’t have seen what was to come after the Presidential jet carrying Rwandan President Juvenal Habyarimana and Burundi President Cyprien Ntaryamira was blown off the sky as it approached the airport in Kigali.

  That event exactly 15 years ago was the catalyst to the worst crime on humanity that most of us have witnessed in our generation. In fact, the assassination of the Presidents of Rwanda and Burundi is just one aspect of a deep rooted and historic conflict between the Hutu and Tutsi people of Rwanda.

  
  You have to go back as far as 1957 to get a sense of some of the historical aspects that led to the 1994 genocide, including the build up to the genocide itself.

  Many observers from all walks of life have argued and debated the facts and figures in this case, including the death toll and statistics involved, as well as the impact and effects. However, unlike with the Nazi genocide of the second world war or the genocide of Cambodians by the Khmer Rouge, authorities of the time in Rwanda made no attempt to officially record the deaths.

  However, It’s hard to disagree with James Smith from the Aegis Trust who points out that: “What’s important to remember is that there was a genocide. There was an attempt to eliminate Tutsis — men, women, and children — and to erase any memory of their existence.“

  Not least because there are lessons to be learnt from the Rwandan experience, I believe it is our duty to make sure that the world doesn’t forget what happened in 1994 in Rwanda.

  I wouldn’t be doing any justice by trying to capture or articulate a perspective of what actually happened and why we should make an effort of remembering it on this day. However, I highly recommend reading this comprehensive and chronological account of the events before, during and after the Rwandan genocide to get a sense of why what happened should never be forgotten.
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• The circus is in town, but will it fix the problems caused by blue eyed white folk?

  Posted: April 1, 2009, 10:38 am by Darius Stone

  In an early episode of the fictional hit TV drama The West Wing, the show’s President Jed Bartlett vents his fury at his Director of Intelligence. In the plot of this particular episode, the intelligence folks fail to pick up hundreds of thousands of Indian troops and their war machinery marching aggressively towards the Kashmiri Pakistani border in a clearly provocative move that will not bode well for the two nuclear armed neighbours.

  In disbelief, Jed Bartlett angrily berates his intelligence chief by pointing out that his motorcade can’t move from K Street in the middle of DC to Connecticut without being picked up on a weather satellite. Aaron Sorkin and his production team obviously did their research well in coming up with a realistic depiction of the plot that is the challenging project of moving the most powerful man in the world from location A to location B.

  
  Last night, London was treated to the real life rendition of this project when the US secret service pretty much commandeered central London to ensure that their boss had his “customary” no nonsense protection as he made his first long haul trip across the Atlantic. The RAF Northolt airbase, the UK’s equivalent of Andrews in Maryland (which normally hosts dignitaries and royalty), clearly wasn’t up to the job of hosting this circus and Stansted got the honour of going out of business for a little while as it hosted Airforce 1. The reality and sheer magnitude of the project of protecting President Obama and his wife is undoubtedly a more challenging proposition than the plot predicted in the TV series.

  
  President Obama and First lady Michelle acknowledge well wishers as they disembark off Air Force 1 at Stansted Airport

  Nevertheless, it’s hard to fail to admire the determination of the circus mentality shown by the American establishment as they lap up the opportunity to show the world that they’re the best at what they do, especially when it comes to protecting the big fella from Pennsylvania Avenue. To illustrate the sheer magnitude of this American circus, here are some facts about the project of Obama’s G20 trip:

  • Obama is travelling with an estimated 500 to 600 personnel in his entourage. They won’t confirm the exact number as the mystery obviously adds to the spectacle of the circus.
  • 200 of the folks travelling with him are secret service officers to cover the protection detail for him and his wife. One wonders how the rest of the entourage will be kept busy in Europe in the next 5 days.
  • Apart from Airforce 1 and the second identical Boeing 747 that normally travels with the official plane as a decoy, Obama’s fully loaded Marine 1 helicopter is in town, together with the 2 or 3 equally loaded helicopters that fly together as decoys. The idea being no one really knows which plane he’s on. Clearly, they’ve been advised well on London traffic nightmares and he’s lucky he can afford using a helicopter around the capital to avoid the traffic.
  • The beast is also in town to move him around where it’s not practical to use Marine 1. You can’t help but be fascinated with the sheer madness of this vehicle aptly named the beast. Apparently, apart from the out of this planet armoury that this limo has(most of which will make James Bond’s Aston Martin look like a rickshaw from a century ago), it’s also a moving hospital that carries oxygen as well as bottles of the president’s blood, not withstanding that there’s always a fully loaded ambulance in his motorcade.
  • His 500 strong entourage also got to dodge the London traffic as they too have their fleet of American military Chinook helicopters to hop on to like the boss

  Aside from the arrival circus witnessed by many well wishers waving the stripes and stars at Stansted airport, the most secure piece of real estate on the planet as of last night was Winfield House in Regents Park in central London. The private residence of the American Ambassador is sprawled over 12 acres and has the second largest private garden in London after Buckingham Palace. No problem there for the entourage to pitch up tents if they had to.

  It’s a scene also reminiscent of an episode in the last season of the TV hit West Wing, where Matt Santos, the Latino presidential candidate causes a logistical nightmare when he decides to pop home for dinner and the secret service have to take over an entire suburban neighbourhood lock stock and barrel. Needless to say, the neighbours are least pleased as they pretty much have to provide their grandparent’s DNA profile (not literally – but you get the picture of course) to enter their homes, and Santos has to apologize about the circus to his wife Helen, who’s only comfort is the acknowledgement that at least they’re in the most secure neighbourhood in Texas if only for the night.

  As a side note – it was interesting to note that the whole character of Matt Santos, the fictional Latino President in the TV hit The West Wing was inspired by the real life political story of Barrack Obama. Eli Adi and the West Wing writing team had the dilemma of not having a precedent to base a non-white presidential candidate on as part of the show’s plot. It was only after Obama’s stomp speech at the 2004 Democratic Convention in Boston in support of John Kerry, that the writers and producers homed in on the Obama inspiration for Santos’ character…..but clearly, I digress here….

  So, is the circus in London going to be worth it?

  We’ll see after the pomp and ceremony of the tea and reception with Aunt Liz and Uncle Phil at Buckingham Palace, and the Jamie Oliver dinner later in the evening being prepared for the heads of state at Downing Street (well, that’s if Jamie’s heavily pregnant wife doesn’t go into labour – otherwise it’s the local take away for the big fellas).

  Incidentally, the spouses of the heads of state don’t get to eat with the big boys at the high table. They get relegated to the long grass of the back room dining areas with the consolation of a few celebs like JK Rawling, Dame Kelly Holmes and Naomi Campbell thrown in for a spectacle. Funny, if I was cynical, I would suggest that the inclusion of black celebs in the dinner for the first ladies is an obvious stunt to make Michelle feel less awkward (would they do that….Nooooo!). Barrack doesn’t have an identity problem and doesn’t need props seeing that he’s the X Factor that is calling the shots – it comes with being the most powerful man in the world. The folks out back are still figuring out how to handle Michelle, but yet again, I digress.

  To the more serious matter of the jaunt at the Excel Centre on Thursday where the hopes of the world’s economic future is pinned on a 4 and a half hour G20 meeting. Will they achieve anything of substance? Absolutely not! As they’ll say, it’s a step in the right direction and we’re focused on stimulating the economy, in regulation and in making the IMF almighty and all powerful so that they can screw up developing countries even more.

  Brazilian President Lula daSilva will still go back home blaming the blue eyed white folk for having fixed nothing after their breath taking and spectacular incompetence in screwing up the world’s economy, the Metropolitan Police and British Security Services will have spent £20 million in the security operation of the decade (it will be a good dry run for the 2012 Olympics though – but an expensive dry run all the same), and the biggest spectacle will be the numerous battles with the street protestors of different persuasion - from fair trade consuming, tree hugging, environmental mercenaries, to those convinced that this is the perfect opportunity to kill capitalism, to folks just pissed off that they don’t have jobs.

  My personal opinion is that if any of these leaders had any vision of changing life permanently for generations to come, they’d actually kick this talk of fixing the world economy in 4 hours into the long grass and be bold enough to conclude the Doha round of world trade talks that would ensure free trade without protectionism and ridiculous tariffs that hit the poorest countries in the world.

  All signatures needed for this will be in the room – the question is that of whether they’ll have the balls to do it and fix, as Lula daSilva says, the mess caused by greedy blue eyed white folk.Related Articles:

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Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes