Memorable Jokes

• kibanda language

  Posted: March 25, 2010, 11:50 am

  So you have all have been to the mighty kibanda for a selection of mouth watering dishes, but most of you guyz barely understand the logistics of operations there, leave alone the street language.
  
  So here's a compilation of some of the delicacies available on demand- in kibanda language;
  
  1. Chapati dunga - this is where a chapati is rolled and pierced with a fork
  
  2.Chapati dondosa - this is where a chapati is served whole and served while floating on thick soup.
  
  3. Chapati msalaba - this is where a chapati is sliced into four equal quarters. The cuttings resemble a cross
  
  4. Chapati kifagio- this is where a chapati is sliced into thin many vertical strips
  
  5. Chapati chafua- this is where a chapati is sliced into many piecesas possible. Usually they are sliced into squares that are approximately 3.5 centimeteres squared (do the math)
  
  6. Chapati mbao/ chapati mawe - this is a dry chapati, those that break easily like a piece of wood
  
  7. Ugali saucer/ wembe/discount- that one i know you know
  
  8. Ugali mlima- this is an enourmous chunk of ugali served only to professionals and is usually served with a warning. "ukikosa kuimaliza, utaongeza kumi".
  
  9. Tumbukiza - this is where meat is overboiled until the meat is very soft. Usually served without salt. Tumbukiza special has no bones
  
  10. Kahawa kifo- so you have done kahawa chungu! This is worse. It usually contains lots of "kahawa no 1" and is overboiled till its black. its then served without sugar. Its literally burnt coffee
  
  11. Kaa ndani- this is where a mandazi is made an incision at the sideand a delicacy inserted inside of it. So kaa ndani ya sausage is a mandazi with a sausage in it.
  
  12. Jembe ya meno- toothpick
  
  13. Samaki cassette- this is fish which has bones in it. Its served whole whereby a person starts eating it on one side( side A ). Once done, its then turned to the other side (side B). A successful completed eating mission is certified once the only thing left on the plate are intact bones of the fish and the head.
  
  14. Karara- chapati nusu
  
  15. Combat- Githeri
  
  16. Mix/ missile / kadhalika- this is mchanganyiko of everything on the soup menu. Involves madondo, sukuma, nyama, ndengu etc. Na inasemwa na style, so dont go ati nipatie missile 20!It goes like "haya, hebu nibonde na chapo mix ya kau fourty, na ikuje chapchap kabla niachwe na ndege.
  
  17. Teargas- pilipili
  
  18. C.N.N...Chapati Nne Ndengu
  
  19. U.S.A...Ugali Sukuma Avocado
  
  20. Chapati Marashi….Where chapo is passed over beef stew ndio inuke kamanyama
  
  21. Githeri Migingo...This is githeri that has just 1 potato at the middle
  
  22. The award winning combination from K.M (Kariokor ya K.U) .... '1.5 stage yote' - that is one & a half chapatis, plus every form of stew made that day...ndengu, mboco,sukuma,cabbage,nyama
  piece tatu, soup etc etc)

• Just For Laughs - The Miracle of Toliet Paper (Funny!)

  Posted: March 24, 2010, 4:20 pm

  Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.
  
  Instead of romantically telling me this is not true, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: "If you want your Breasts to grow, then take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds every day!"
  
  Willing to try anything, I got a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
  
  "How long will this take?" I asked.
  
  "They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.
  
  I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
  
  Without missing a beat he said, "Worked for your bum, didn't it?"
  
  He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.
  
  Stupid, stupid man!

Blah blah blah

Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes