Kenyan Ramblings
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Addicted
Posted: May 24, 2008, 11:07 pm by Tafsiri Hii
Centuries after blogging was discovered, I have finally caught on. What can I say? I have been busy... doing grown up stuff. I love it, I love it, I love it! Finally, I can stop writing on Kartasi notebooks, full scaps, banana leaves, toilet paper. Plus, I can't remember the last time I laughed this much (to the horror of my neighbour, I laugh loud and long): reading other people's blogs makes my day. Kenyanchick takes the cake. Am so addicted to blogging that:- I just turned down a dinner invitation because I was blogging (ME, who has had a love affair with food since the day I was born),
- It is 8.22 p.m. on a Saturday night. I am indoors,
- I have made 3 entries (or is it 4?) today,
- Injinia is threatening to make me an IDP if I continue paying more attention to my blog than to him.
Best thing about this blogging thing: I can write ANYTHING and snugly hide under the cover of anonymity. Delicious! -
Vaseline? Vaseline!
Posted: May 24, 2008, 9:41 pm by Tafsiri Hii
Listening to Capitalfm.
"Napenda Vase-line, napenda Vase-line, napenda Vase-line...(kapuka this, kapuka that)!"
This is what Kenyan music has been reduced to: a bunch of 'musicians' singing about the joys of using Vaseline...and no, they were not referring to Vaseline's ability to make skin soft as a baby's bottom. This being a child-friendly blog, I shall not go into details about why the musicians are so in love with Vase-line. The creativity of Kenyans never ceases to amaze...
Can't get the darn song out of my head. "Napenda Vase-line, napenda Vase-line, napenda Vase-line....."
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Basic Kenyanese: For Foreigners, Tourists and Wannabes!
Posted: May 24, 2008, 10:07 am by Tafsiri Hii
If you are traveling to Kenya for the first time, or if your past interactions with Kenyans have left you feeling confused, or if for some strange reason you are a Wannabe Kenyan (I met someone like that this year), this is for you. I intend to shed some light into some peculiarities about Kenyans. Mind, there are millions of strange things in Kenya (including rivers that flow uphill) but due to lack of space and time, lets just stick to language.
By now am sure you have heard: we begin every, and I mean every, statement with "Me, I..." Why do we do this, you ask? Well, that is what happens when people directly translate their mother-tongues to English (sort of what the Chinese do!). So if you want to be integrated into Kenyan society (especially you, Wannabe), sprinkle those "Me, I"s generously into your sentences. A few examples,
"Me, I am so hungry I could eat a donkey."
"Me, I have no idea what he is talking about."
"Me, I am going home now."
It might be a bit of a challenge to follow what we say. Mainly because of the way we pronounce words. Kenya has over 40 ethnic groups, each with its own language (refer to your guidebook for confirmation). These languages are as different from English as Cain was from Abel. So, you will forgive us if we butcher the English language. As we are fond of saying, English came on a boat! We are guilty of two things: one, shrubbing and two, pronouncing many words the exact same way. To understand what I mean, here is an illustration:
Instead of "run" some of us say "lun", we may pronounce "darling" as "ndaring" and "head" as "end" (this reminds me of my favourite Safaricom advertisement:
Employee calls boss and says: Sorry I can't come to work today, Sir. I have an ENDACHE.
Boss: ENDACHE?
Employee: An ache, Sir! In my END, Sir!)
That is what we call shrubbing.
Speaking of pronouncing many words the exact same way, an American friend of mine laughed his head off a couple of years back when he realised that I pronounce "butter", "batter" and "bata" as BATA!!
If you are familiar with NGO-ese you know that one word NGO types throw around is 'participatory'. Participatory training. Participatory monitoring. Participatory evaluation. Well, one thing to know about Kenyans' way of conversing is that it is participatory. Meaning, that narrating something (or, 'beating a storo' in Kenyanese) will usually involve the audience. Makes 9 Oclock News a very entertaining watch. Here is how:
Agitated Kenyan: Sasa, hiyo siku nilie...?
Friend/Audience: Ulienda
AK: Nikapata nyumba yangu imefung...?
F/A: Imefungwa
AK: Eh...nikaona huyu mtu ananicheze...?
F/A: Anakuchezea!
Loose translation:
Agitated Kenyan: So, that day I wen...?
Friend/Audience: You went
AK: Only to find that my house had been lock...?
F/A: It had been locked
AK: Eh...i thought to myself that this man is jo...?
F/A: He is joking with you!
On a final note, here's a few things you should learn:
How to express surprise in Kenyanese: ala! hai! woiyee! yawa! Ngai! wololo yaye! wa wa wa wa wa!
Words regularly used but whose meaning no one knows: You guy, maze, si, haiya, kumbe
And, some sheng/slang words:
Loco (local): neighbourhood pub
Tale, pinto, kinywaji, kanywaji, dawa, one-for-the-road: Tusker, beer, booze
Papers, lewad, high, kahighness, kunywad: Drunk
Fegi: Cigarette
Manzi, dame, chic, mama: Girl
Amebeba: She is well endowed/she has a shapely body
Mahaga: hips
Supuu: pretty girl
Catch strokes, catch rubs, cook the ngegende: Have sex
How to effectively use above-listed words in a sentence:
"Jana, after jobo I went to the loco. You guy, I was stressed. Me, I needed a tale. After a couple of kinywajis, I went out of the bar to smoke. Dame akakuja hiyo place nilikuwa nimesimama. Akanishow nimpe fegi. Ala! Si anunue yake! Lakini alikuwa msupuu kwa hivyo sikuweza kukataa. Kalikuwa kamebeba! Eh! Kwanza hayo mahaga!! Before I knew it, we were on her bed catching strokes!"
(For a hilarious guide to Kenya, check out KenyanChic's "A Kenyan's Guide to Kenya" on http://howdidigethere-kenyanchick.blogspot.com/2006/07/kenyans-guide-to-kenya-vol-i.html
Also check out sheng.co.ke if you are interested in learning more sheng words)
Blah blah blah
Fish cakes
Alas a fish cake.
Yet more fish cakes
Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.
The end of the fish cakes
