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KenyanMusings

8 things, UGH

Posted: July 26, 2007, 10:39 am by KenyanMusings

Butterfly tagged me. Ugh! Me vile I yak, I have exceeded my mystery quota…but I will do the tag with the format from halfnhalf and Archer...buuut, if I tag you, ehe, ngoja tu.

1. Where is your cell phone…In my bag

2. Relationship… works most of the time when he is not snoring. Feh! if he stops snoring I think he is dead so I put my finger under his nose to check is he is breathing...ummm, TMI, it works, lets just say that.

3. Your hair…. Dreadlocks that look like some afro..ugh, strange

4. Work…addicted to it

5. Your sisters…. 1. strong, grounded, funny as hell, out of this world, beautiful, married, one spoilt son

6. Your favorite things…. Sex, laughter Shoes, Jewelery, Scents, books that smell oooold

7. Your dream last night…I don’t remember. I don't think i dream me

8. Your favorite drink….Tusker malt,Tequila, Tia Maria (Oh look! All T’s)

9. Your dream car….LOL, dunno too much about cars but Range Rover TDV8

10. The room you’re in….blue. Its a boy!! light blue walls, deep blue carpet

11. Your shoes…Black pumps

12. Your fears….poverty/financial insecurity

13. What do you want to be in 10 years…phenomenal at what I'm doing now

14. Who did you hang out with this weekend…my dude, his boys and their mates (gag, I know, everyone else was busy)

15. What are you not good at…patience for rubbish people or rubbish ideas

16. Muffins? No thanks

17. Wish-list item…Apple Black Macbook *whistles*

18. Where you grew up…Meru-Nairobi-Blantyre-Nairobi-Meru

19. The last thing you did… Send an email/giggle

20. What are you wearing…Cream skirt, black sweater top, pearls (real ones kulahiyo, not them kenpoly plastic ones peeps wear), black stockings

21. What are you not wearing… watch/bullshit on my sleeve/heart on my sleeve/a chair/ a desk/ whothefuckcameupwiththis awfullyambiguosquestion!!!!!

22. Your favorite pet…I have none but I would love a puppy

23. Your computer…needs backing up

24. Your life…does not have enough hours in any given weekday

25. Your mood…mellow today

26. Missing…Dormans boozy Kioki coffee. ssssssureeely hic, isssshh hic, very hic hic cooold

27. What are you thinking about… sending an email to Shiro, *smh* kesho mami, I promise!!

28. Your dream location… Morocco

29. Your Ex… Just told me he needs socks (!)

30. Your Favorite Item… My new blackberry...I love you, you love me, we are a happy family......

31. Your favorite colour…Not sure, when I see it, I know If I like it or not, maybe creams, beiges, earthy browns.

32. Last time you laughed…last night

33. Last time you cried…19th July 2007.

34. School…I need to hand in some assignments

35. Love … is not too bad if you get it right.

Now who to tag that has not done the tag...Consider thyself tagged;

Muts
Thinker
Udi
Ms K
Mama Gabi
Shiro
Prou
Medusa

If I have tagged you, you are NOT to use that format that I have used!! That one is boring. You write your own stuff like kila mtu else...yes, 8 random fact/habits about you!
KM and the bush

Posted: July 23, 2007, 8:16 pm by KenyanMusings

Usually I don't mind it. Going to the bushes.

As long as I have sunscreen, water, apples, crackers, wet wipes, hand sanitizer (for all the hands I cannot avoid shaking) a translator, security and I travel in comfort with a driver who will not talk toooo much like that M***, Ngutness! he never shuts up, kila saaa stories stories.......UGH! *gasps for breath* Seriously I am so not like some people who need to travel with their sijui bags full of make up ........*shrugs* For what now vile there is not even a place to shower or electricity or chaps to impress sijui with Long lash Mascra...how now??
This one though was the harshest harshest trip eeeeeverrrrr. For 2 days I did not eat vile *gaaaaag* and on the third day, close to breakdown, I closed my eyes and ate something.

Mi Casa. The roof houses only like 50003 bats with human like faces that hang like pendulums on the roof...ewwwwww, they don't fall in..there is a mesh but they make munching sounds and all. Eeeek! and the whole house reeks of bat poo. Cool bananas! How fast can you say Hardship? Per diem?

This Fugleee *smh* I started calling him/it Abdullahi because it lived in the compound and everytime I got out of my hut, it would be there in all its fuglee glory yukk! Eating soil!!!! and I would yell at the dude who wanted to convert me into Islam so he could marry me *shrugs* he does not have enough head of camel to sustain my town habits me....to come take it away and Abu would just saunter off with his tail at a 90 degree angle.

Then you set off in search of human signs, babies to be precise or pregnant mummies...not that you can tell....what with the buibui and all?

Stop to do pee pee on the way and take a shika kiuno pic...mwehehe, fret not ...no one cares that I have not had a proper bath in 3 days....

but when you get to where the people are you have to cover up....and the top too

Human signs.....yaaaay!!

And Looook!!!! A hospital!!!!

With a place where if you are bold enough to climb, you may get phone network...

Network......NOOOOOT.

And adorable Hawa not feeling too good and she walked for about 30KM with her mummy to come to hospital *sniff* Sometimes she walked, sometimes mummy carrioed her...*sniff*..... but she is going to get better

And when you get back to town....you can have henna on your feet by the woman who makes the brides pretty ......She would not let me tell her what to paint because we could not comminucate so she did her own things. Not too bad.

And some more Henna

Finished foot. It will fade off in two weeks so *shrugs* It looks very pretty though, I like it.

And a henna flower on my tatas...
K"Naan, Joss and the Gypsy

Posted: July 13, 2007, 9:11 pm by KenyanMusings

Someone traveled and got me some K’Naan Music, and a copy of “Introducing Joss stone” among other things. Yaay!

Can you blame me? Can you blame me if I hugged that chap mad huh? This one whose expression of choice for when a dude hits on me (they are few. Extremely few circumstances when a man actually ever hits on me. Usually I get surprised when anyone hits on me *smh*) is

Dude: “KM who were you meeting?
KM: “some dude who needed xyz”
Dude: “Oh. Is he throwing maize?”
KM: “what?”
Dude: “is he throwing maize?”

Smh, its so funny. It cracks me up. Hitting on a woman is "throwing maize".
There is something very ish about it…..like I mean, like catching a chicken…luring it with maize halafu vile the chicken is always so woiyeeeeee when its caught. Plus I mean, the chicken is dumb…it was so stupid it fell for the maize trap.
Throwing maize. Tihii.

Onto Music matters.....
Everybody are we loving her? Are we not totally loving Joss Stone…We love Joss. I don’t care what anyone says, she had me at ‘spoiled’ and 'right to be wrong' and 'snakes and ladders' and ...actually every song...from her Mind Body and Soul album and I am loving her again in her new album, 'Introducing Joss stone" and the track with Common in 'Tell me what we are gonna do now"...swellness.....'when we combine it's like good food and wine .....'

And we are loving K’Naan as always. He was phenomenal in “The dusty foot Philosopher”..."smile", "in the beginning" "what's Hardcore" "I was stabbed by satan". Out of this world!!!
I heard his music, the fantastic song "smile".......never let them see you down smile while you bleeding..... first at a house party for one of those weird peoples who like to hug trees and stuff and like to maintain their karmic balance while muching on lettuce and carrots like rabbits and being kind to animals and stuff, (even CATS!!! Now how? Cats suck ass. Me I'm always on the look out for cats to roadkill vile those things are so yukky. Feh! Need I add Lazy?)

Small digression
Speaking of Cats..what the hell is it with Cats and dogs around the news? Mara Cats breastfeeding puppies, Dogs breastfeeding Cats.....aii, animals in Kenya are so crazy. Remember the Lioness and the Oryx that had people saying how God is coming back eti cos the bible said about "lions and sheep grazing together" (not sure of the bible verse). Halafu, tihii, that woman on TV yesterday going "huyo PUSSI!! (yes, not paka..pussi) anawanyonyesa(sic) kama watoto WAE (not wake, WAE)".....

Uhhhh and does anyone remember the time people were told to catch chameleons and get paid 1G for every sick lil shaitty reptile (reptiles and amphibians are so eeeeeky), and they were unleashing them in gunny bags eti "shika hikio(sic) kinapotea" LMAOOOOO *smh* Kenyans. Special sana. They were not paid. It was all a hoax and ...wait for it...most of them had skived jobbo to go nab chameleones huko in the bushes.
I can just see it. Asking for a sick day off then disapperaing into the thickets with a gunia slung over my shoulder.
....ENDS DIGRESSION.

So, yeah, this mama.... **waits while you go huko up pre-digression to figure out which mama** Ok? Good. So no fur kind, you will find her lobbying outside PEPFAR offices on a cold winter morning with a placard, NOT for an increase in AIDS funding or for more affordable ARVs, naaah, for erm uhhh, I dunno..the fact that someone from the PEPFAR office ran over a mongrel in Mozambique and was never held accountable....Okay, so I am like going way over the top, but you know, she be passionate 'n all..... gipsies who do no evil but smoke ganja like to achieve their balance. What are those people called? The ones who say;

Weirdo: KM!!! how can you eat beef? How would you feel if someone killed you and ate you?

KM: Ummmmmmm, well, *bites into burger*, I mean, I would obviously be upset that they are eating me but, I mean, how much influence can I have when I'm dead over.....Okay, wait, why would they wnat to eat me in the first place?

Weirdo: (Nodding like yeah, thats what I mean) ... yeah, maybe you should ask the cow that before you eat it.

FCOL!!!! Ask the cow?!! Ask the cow!!!

Well, the CD.... I loved it. I got that CD burned and I have never regretted it. He is so awesome that unless you listen really, I cannot tell you what K'naan is. He is way way up there, way too good.
And now I finally have a listen to his world tour in the "Dusty foot on the road", which includes some tracks from philosopher that sound even greater.

He is fabulous! I would not have blogged it but I heard him on BBC today and went "OMG! and I so have that CD" and he was great! And he was expalining his lyrics in 'What's Hardcore' when he says "if i rhyme about home, and got descriptive, i'd make 50 cent look like limp bizkit, " mwehhehe, kula hiyo Fiticent.....and he was expalining the difference between this superimposed almost glorified version of violence that dominates the rap industry and comparing it with the kind of violence he understands, like in Mogadishu...the kind that you have no control over. It was deep, and I was amazed and well, maybe thats not how he said it but errrm....*shrugs*

So yeah, there, get yourself a copy.
Halafu...the coooooldd! It came with its babies yaani this cold but tell you what, If you go to a Dormans that serves boozy coffee...it will really really warm you up or help you forget how bloody cold it is!!
Flirting in traffic and radio

Posted: July 5, 2007, 4:05 pm by KenyanMusings

Let me tell something to jyou (yes, jyou…think Happy Feet) Tihiiiii, just this morning I was flirting with some dude in traffic. *smh* He was just so….waaaait, waaaait, wait for it…hoooot. That’s hot (think Paris). He’s hot.
Initially I was staring at his wheels. His metallic black X5 to be precise. Auuuuiiiiiiiiiii. ‘nuff sed.

So now, I have stared and then suddenly, well, I think he noticed vile I was blatant and I did not think he could see me through the tint ( silly, I know! thats what tint is for but its easier to stare when you can see the other person is not seeing you staring *gasps for breath*), he rolls his window up and down about three times enough for me to look. Walalalallalala. Excooose me…usually you think umm, yeah, that's a fuglee in there.
Oh noooo. Stereotyping!! This one was so it!!! Ngutnes me.

I was shaking, shaking like a Polaroid piiiicture (whatshisnameOutkast?).
Now you wish the traffic was moving. So, he mouths a ‘hi’. I mouth one back. Ala, what a better way to pass time. He was clean shaven and gorgeous.
*Sniff* , morning torture haki, forget broken coffee machine!
Halafu I could only see his shirt and tie. Feh! Me I hope he was not huko in boxers with love hearts and some funny looking shoes because *grits teeth*.
Ok, so then, I start blushing. Imagine! Me a married woman having groins warm up for another man. LOL. Such sin! *grabs rosary, Hail Mary…..* I blushed like a foooooooool. I am so embarrassed.
Usually I blush a lot so I avoid it as far as possible. I can draw maps like no one’s biz so I totally hate to be tortured thus. I muster courage to look up again halafu he mouths a ‘how are you’. Well at fisrt I did not hear/read it so I said what and put my hand to my hear a la sign language and he smiled…*swooooons and kufas* then said it again. Jayzuz me!! I am officially fit to reside in K-street sasa now why? Soliciting in Traffic.

Traffic moves a little, then stops you know the drill.

He keeps mouthing stuff and when I get it (my brain kinda slowed down so he had to keep repeating it, most of it chit chat ‘what is your name’) I would mouth back. It was so much fun! Then, we exchanged numbers....noooot.
Well, he gave me his. Do you know how? ....Wait for it ….he wrote it on the newspaper and had one of those chaps selling papers to pass it to me!!!! Ngutness. Is he not so cool?! Thats a romantic one. I can tell.
I got a free paper and his phone number. *swoonety swoon* I mean, who ever thinks of that now? I was craning to see if he has a wedding ring. LOL seriously how messed up is that?! Why do I even care seeing as I'm not interested? Or am I not? *bites little finger a la Dr. evil/Austin powers*

So it got to the point where I realised aiii, this one will break my home. Too bad I have a *swallows hard, bites lower lip, whispers in barely audible voice* 'dude' and could not bring myself to hook him up with my number. *sniff* there goes my husband.
When the traffic moved, he blew me a kiss and did a ‘call me’. Auuuuuiii. Me I just might call him. I mean, what the heck…..I’m sure I will outgrow it by day’s end but hmmm, that was such fun.
*giggles* I am sooo sixteen right now. Time has never been better spent in traffic. That traffic was not even enough!!! I love traffic so much. Traffic kicks ass. Yaay for traffic.

*disclaimer*
Incase that person happened to read this blog, ngai Njesus! maybe its a blogger.....
*shivers, composes self, reads out loud*
'I am a fun loving,outgoing, funny, God fearing, ambitious, financially stable and looking for a long term relationship and ready to step into the future with a special someone whom we can inspire and encourage each other into the future *gasps for breath*. No jokers please. No flashing. Test a must. Must not have children. Maybe 1.
LMAOOOOOO. Yeah, thats how fleeting my loalties are. Kenyan Politician or Peter and Jesus. Either or.

Moving on, this morning a certain blogger (yes, you, *points* lift your hand. Inua mkono usalimie watu) calls me and shockedly goes 'what is that you are listening to?!!' . LOL, I was listening to' shangilia'.
The music I listen to when I get up paces my day. I will not, I refuse to get up to angry music fisrt thing in the morning. At some point later, yeah but fisrt thing, It makes me cranky….so most days I will first listen to Christian music. Slow, uplifting, gives me a balance, a certain mood before I move on to anything else. Kwanja there is this song by the late Emachichi. *giggles, let it go will ya?*, yes, the artist formerly known as Prince Emachichi ‘mwambie Yesu’ LOL. That one is my Nirvana. It’s about asking Jesus for what you want and getting it. And one ‘Karibu na wewe’ , dunno who by, and Hillsongs ‘Still’
'I will be still know you are God' That song does magic for me......I can stop mid-screaming 'pants'!! at someone and just be still.

If I am around the dude, he is an atheist *shrugs* (this is why I should hook up with the bro from traffic, I’m sure he is spiritual and God fearing) vile I am so not going to be there when thunderbolts strike him for calling the pope …wait for it…. ‘a mass murderer’ !!!!! For refusing to endorse the condom.

I share the sentiments. I feel extremely strongly about it. No one is against abstinence, but to not give the HIV positive and the sexually active the option of using a condom is absolute crap. Crap crap crap crap bollocks. Kwani how do you think the virus spreads? NOT FROM THOSE WHO DO NOT HAVE THE VIRUS! Sheesh!

Well calling the pope that is a bit….. devilish you know? I am still praying for him. Even when he says ‘don’t pray for me. If things get better I might be forced to believe and that is too high a price to pay” I am praying ok. I will definitely leave him better than I found him.

Well, around him, we cannot agree on anything except music CDs or BBC radio.
CDs can also become a problem....I want Kelis, he wants Tupac, I want India Arie, he wants Tupac, I want Nora Jones he wants Tupac, I want Bone thugs he wants bone thugs! I want Blink, he wants Blink Ugh!...... Voila!
LOL, yes, 93.7 BBC is where the consensus is. Alan is free. Ok Fiiine!!!! aiiiiiii!!!!!

Or to Capital……the Music, *bliss* I am a capital groupie. Sad, I know, but I am. If they just kept quiet and played the music...aiiii, utopia.
At least they won’t ruin Glamorous- Fergie !! ‘My daddy told me so….he let his daughter know… and ….aaaand Beyonce *hangs head in shame* Upgrade for me. 'I can do for you what Martin did for the peeeeople.* lowers voice a notch* Look at the time I saved ya, mama let me upgrade ya….
And I am so into that new song by Nikki ‘niwe wako’ is it? The one that goes ‘ayayyaaiiiii’ Love it times 50.
That’s hot(mwehehe)
And there is this ‘Baa baa black sheep’ that Fareed plays in ‘Indian’ that is so funny. That’s hot(tihii).

After that I will listen to my own music, or whatever tickles my fancy. Heck sometimes I even listen to French radio. Tihiii, you will find that at around 89.9. *smh* for practice. Lately I can actually make sense of the sentences. Ugh!

End of. My radio doesn't shika anything else.

So, happy day good people.
Loc'd hair woes.

Posted: July 2, 2007, 10:14 pm by KenyanMusings

Ughh! I have been rocking wigs since I loc'd my hair. Wigs rock. LOL, one day I am Tyra Banks, the next I'm Halle Berry's short crop.
Before my locs I was braiding my hair, having all kinds of things done to it, cornrows, braids ... then I was Anna Tibaijuka, rocking an afro, only a cuter more girlie one . I like 'fros. My hair curls at the top so it looks kinda nice.... *sighs**

Unlike most fancy girls, my 'fancy hair' chip is broken. I have had my natural hair for about 5 years. loc'd, not loc'd but always natural. I watch with wonderment as the girls do all this fancy things to their hairs; flat irons, tongs, weaves and I kinda miss that but I discovered I could play around with loc'd hair. Make waves and springy curls on it and stuff...bla bla.

So anyway, when I took out my old locs because erm, I went to this quack who put some crazy shiet in my hair and it had these white thingamajigs that would not come out...I decided to cut them all off and start all over. Then my loctician said to try a detangler and see if it will take them out, and yaaaay, it did...slowly and painfully for about 2 weeks, loc by loc.

Still, I lost a lot of hair and my loctician said to nurse it while before I loc again so it can gain some body/booty. So, there I was giving it a break, intensively treating it and for a while before I loc'd I had erm, the variety of wigs. Tihii, nooo, its not my hair. Underneath it was these dholuo woman in Bondo cornrows. Hehehe!

So, I go loc, halafu, this is what comes out!!!

Saaasaa now what are these?
Funny, the first time I loc'd my hair, it was all straight but thats because I had bits of relaxed hair which I trimmed as the locs grew.
Now, my natural hair has shot to absolute madness. Its too light, too soft and mucus-ey, so its decided to do this absolutely infuriating curling stunt. So my head is a mop of fekking curls, and I have to keep running my hands through so that it does not tangle.
The loctician said eti after a while it will straighten out. It would be cool if it was long curls, but these are too damn short. I look like 3T dudes. Ewwww, Jerry curl. Its not greasy thankfully.
Halafu the mess can't seem to arrange itself properly on my head its just all over!!!

Its weeks already and nothing is giving!!! I have had the ends trimmed hoping it will straighten up angalau kidogo but it has totally refused to behave.

Then on the days I am bold enough to leave it open, people will ask what have you done to your hair?' and I say locs and they look at me like "yeah, and I'm the queen of Sheba"and they think I'm lying so that they don't get the look for themselves. Hehhee, Its like when you have a nice dress on and people keep asking and you go "I cant remember the name of the shop" Mwehehhehe. I have resigned to 'Its just evil hair with a mind of its own'.

I'll keep them a while. I hope they are much organised by my next salon visit. Forgive me if I call my loctician at 10 oclock in the night and go "Duuude, they are still not getting any straighter". Yes, yes, I know he is having dinner with his family but aiiiiiii, this is crisis. He said its because my hair has been natural for too long and they are very thin...but ugh, whatever!
So erm, in the mean, I am *sighs* still rocking the wigs on bad days vile, you cannot sit and talk to people on a serious note with these things on your head. They have a choice to grow longer and keep the curls, or just straighten up because I feel like I will walk into the salon and comb them out or have it all cut off.

Does not hurt until my wig starts to sting and I wanna scratch at the edge, woii lawd! reminds me of the time I caught a jigger and my grandma removed it and tihiii, me I put it back vile it feels soooooo tamuuuuu, niiiiiiiceeeeee to scratch at it at night. Jayzuz! The itch you cant ignore.

Plus now a wig when you are out dancing you have to make sure its in place, mbele the front is at the back and you look like I dunno, Aerosmith or Ozzie... or when you are getting shagged, it could come out so its like, "I like your hair". Its a wig". "I know" then suddely the chap is kamataring you and mid-clothes removal the wig comes off, jesus me!!!! He stops to laugh at your 4 cornrows. 20 dollars says he wishes he never met you.