Delusions of Grandeur

• My Life Thus Far

  Posted: September 5, 2009, 3:51 pm by chi

  soundtrak: silence

  + yes, when was the last time i actually wrote something of substance? what have i been doing with my life? do i still keep a blog? yeah, ok... i'm using it, not abusing it... let's go already! this is going to be rough, so be prepared...
  + i used to write all the time when i was younger. sometimes i just go back to those entries and read; i wrote about nothing, but i remember how i felt that day... when i stayed up 72 hours to write that grant proposal, the day i found out they messed up my graduation paperwork, my last day at umbc... good times. i don't know why it's so hard for me to write now. i don't know why it's so hard for me to just let the words flow. i don't know when i started to become so concerned about what people think when i used to not care what people thought at all. what happened to my younger self?
  + in short, my boss doesn't like me i think. since vacation, i have been working like a dog; i just go to work and work, i barely sit down at all. i would look for another job, but i'm seriously doing the school thing, so it'll only be a couple of months. let the insanity begin.
  + yes, i went on vacation; after the whole 'thing' went down with my boss (which i will never speak of again; i'm too pissed and upset to even think/talk about it), i told him that i was taking the next week off (out of the three weeks of accumulated vacation that i do have). i probably came to that decision around a tuesday, so everything happened in quick succession after that. i called naj and asked her if the next week would be a good week for her; we were talking about having me come out to san diego to come visit her all summer, but i didn't realize how much of a workaholic i really am. once i got the go ahead, i found a decent deal on tickets (for something so last minute) and i was out of that piece. even though it was only for two days (flew in monday, flew out thursday... hey, there's a reason why they were a decent price, ok...), it was the best time i've had in a long time. i hadn't seen naj in awhile and it was good just to talk to her (especially in the low-humidity sun) and catch up. i think she understands my family situation more than anybody else i know, mostly because her family is pretty much the same way. i even got to walk around UCSD, which my adviser impressed on me to go ahead and apply. i wasn't sure since it's all the way on the west coast, but i like the campus and the area around it (naj lives around), so i'm gonna do it.
  + the school apps are going good but slow. i'm studying consistently for my gre's, contacting programs and people (i met with my adviser before vacation; she was excited for me, which got me really excited... sometimes you gotta have people that remind you that you're not crazy, you know?). i just want to succeed, i just want to move forward.
  + talking about moving forward, abbs is finally graduating. i know it's been an ordeal with her stuff (you know what i'm talking about girl), but i'm so happy for her because i always knew she would finish. and i'm happy that she's happy and she's going to be moving on.
  + let's see, what else: it seems that Y and i are in limbo... there is no other word for it. i don't know what we're doing. we hang out fine, but there is something else there. even naj says she's always seen in (since middle school.... daaag woman!). but i just don't know; half of the time, i'm debating and the other half, i think it's silly. it is kind of... a little. anyways, more on this later.
  + i was watching some daria (you remember that charming animated show that used to come on mtv) and then the movie: daria: is it fall yet? i loved that show, i loved the sarcasm because i was one of the people that just *get* it. i used to feel like daria; i didn't want to let people in because i didn't want to get hurt. maybe i'm still like that a little bit, but i think i'm starting to get a little bit better at it. but daria, some good memories from that show.

  here's to writing sooner than later and stopping impromptu hiatuses. cheers.

  peace.

Blah blah blah

Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes