Delusions of Grandeur

• Reeling

  Posted: April 26, 2009, 8:11 pm by chi

  soundtrak: passion pit :: the reeling

  
  The Reeling - Passion Pit

  - so my toe is more sore than i thought. it was healing nicely after the wedding, but because i work in a lab, i have to wear closed-toe shoes (usually sneakers, since i’m on my feet all day) and i worked out this week as well. friday was a nice day, so i left sandals in the car to wear after lab; by the time i came home, my toe was swelling, red and oozing. i know, nice. being the genius i am, i tried to run on it today, but it wasn’t trying to happen, it was aching so much. i’m going to try to keep it out in the open as much as possible and hopefully it heals faster.
  - i’m bummed because i was planning on increasing my mileage this week. i’m already not having the best body image right now and my highest intensity routine has to take a break for awhile. i can’t do pilates all that well because of my disability, so i feel stuck. i guess just some weights and low-impact cardio for me then.
  - sometimes i get so caught up with the way i look that i forget how much i’ve lost, what clothes i can wear now. i just keep on foraging ahead, just going, going, going. i forget where i am sometimes.
  - but it seems that i have lost my talent of being able to focus. i once read in wired about this guy that was so obsessed about doing everything efficiently that he did not have time for human contact. personally, he could have scheduled time for human contact. besides that, i agree with him at some point; people in general tend to get in the way of doing things efficiently. there are so many things that i want to do right now, but once i start thinking about them, figuring out the logistics of it, i get so overwhelmed that i don’t even begin. and usually other people distract me, be it my family, my friends or my boss (i realize now this is why i don’t go out at all; i’m simply doing other stuff…). it’s bad and it’s something that i’ve been thinking about for the past couple of days. i shared with moms and she helped me with at least one thing; i’m finally pre-approved, so i can really start looking for houses. it just reminds me that it’s okay to ask for help and there are people here waiting and willing to help you; all you have to do is ask. that’s the one thing that poor guy forgot to factor in.
  - i was so pressed that this current issue of wired was guest-edited by jj a.brams that i purchased a subscription for two years (it was deal…)
  - work is pretty okay, i guess. God is giving me a spirit of tolerance as my boss is off the map of charted crazy. this is somewhere i don’t want to stay, i don’t plan on staying. it’s mostly about continuing my education, but at the same time my boss doesn’t trust any of the work that jan and i do. we’re always being double -checked and our work tossed out the window (”do it again”). i understand somewhat, but don’t say that you’re open when you’re not; you want to create an environment where you want people to stay long term, but you don’t.
  - i’m scanning blouse on the hype machine as i type this; trying to get a new sound in my ear.
  - …and my iPod is broken; the earphone jack is jacked somehow so i can only listen to music in one ear. it sucks because if i continue i might go deaf in my left ear. i don’t know if i should get the same model as before or just go with an iPod touch. meh.

  more later. meh.

  peace.

Blah blah blah

Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes