Delusions of Grandeur

• umm…

  Posted: February 21, 2009, 11:28 pm by chi

  ok… i know i talk about this all the time, but i really think i might need some help…

  these are all the books that i have purchased… in the last two months… that’s right, two months. of course, i have not read any of these books. there are books from 2001 i haven’t read yet.

  i’m concerned.

  peace.

• Morning Thoughts

  Posted: February 19, 2009, 5:23 pm by chi

  soundtrak: royksopp :: what else is there?

  - what is the deal with touching? i don’t know, i have this thing… i know it’s just me, but unless i really know you, you can’t be touching me. and i mean any kind of touching; back rub, hand pat, even a graze. i involuntarily get this weirded out look on my face, almost like, ‘why are you touching me?’. i don’t really know where it stems from, but i noticed it today, when two people that i do talk to, but don’t know well, touched me on the arm. i had to stop myself from recoiling so violently. it’s so bad, i don’t think i could ever get a massage, i would squirm too much.
  - things are starting to come up quickly for al’s wedding. al is being super extra nice to everyone; i guess because he’ll be gone, gone. he actually bought mom roses for valentine’s day (he has never done that) and he made me vegan chocolate cupcakes. it’s kind of weird, kind of nice and kind of sad. the little bro is growing up… soon, a niece or nephew… wow.
  - had to go into work sunday and ran into jan, who came into work simply because she was bored. nice. we finished work and went downtown to catch lunch and spend an insane amount of money on books. you don’t even want to know how many books i have that i haven’t read yet. it’s crazy; i should be reading right now.
  - my weight loss is coming along nicely; my cardio endurance is increasing (yeah 12 min mile) and i’m increasing my weight with lifting, especially with my arms. i can see them changing, despite my disability. mr. f was super excited this morning about my progress; he has this uncanny ability to predict my current weight to the pound. i think sometimes i push myself way more than i should, making myself feel bad when i don’t reach a personal goal that i’ve set for myself. but i’ve learned that even despite the plateaus (which seem to be constant), if i just keep on striving, eventually i’m going to get there.
  - yesterday was jam’s birthday. we are currently not talking as he..… well, we’re not talking. because he was nice enough to wish me a happy birthday, i did the same. i just wish he didn’t act like nothing happened, like everything is the same, because it’s not.
  - re-thinking some other things; i’m trying to figure out what to do. i feel like i’m in quandary.

  anyways, work to be done.

  peace.

• Disappointed

  Posted: February 7, 2009, 10:19 pm by chi

  soundtrak: bonobo :: flutter

  - i have never been so disappointed in such a large amount of people all at the same time in my entire life (is that a run on sentence). i have grown to learn that there is nothing that i can do to change these people, but i can’t help and i can’t stop the fact that i’m still disappointed. and that’s all i’m going to say about that one.
  - my birthday celebration last week was fun. Y planned a dinner, where i saw my friend guava for the first time in 11 years (11 years!). after, we went dancing, which is something that i wouldn’t normally do. Y said that it looked like i had the time of my life, so i guess it did me some good.
  - work is better. i’ve been keeping really busy and i’m somewhat on auto-pilot with this work. when i was searching for job, i was looking for something where i wouldn’t have to think so much. not that i don’t like to think about experiments or hypotheses or that this work is not important enough for me to do that, i just want to save that brain power for when i’m actually working towards something (i.e. my thesis). i feel like i’ve been a student so long, i don’t what it is just to ‘work’. access the data that i need and do the work instead of obsessively thinking about my project when i go home at night. so it’s good.

  feeling a bit off today, so maybe more later.

  other: Disappointed (prt. 2) (for the select few)

  peace.

Blah blah blah

Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes