Delusions of Grandeur

• 25 Things

  Posted: January 31, 2009, 6:18 am by chi

  soundtrak: blip.fm/chiIQ (live it, learn it, love it!)

  this has been spreading through facebook for the past couple of weeks. i (kind of) refuse to do it under my real name, but i thought i would enlighten the rest of you here.

  Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

  (i’m not going to tag anyone, but if you would like to do it, please link back so i can read too).

  25. i hate shopping but i have just discovered that i love dresses. maybe it’s just the way they look because i never really liked wearing them. but everytime i get the urge to shop, i go to dresses.
  24. i can sense what drivers do; it’s more than just the fact that i’m a driver myself. in most situations, i know what a driver will decide to do and i compensate. i haven’t been wrong yet.
  23. i wish as the oldest child of my father that i was taken a little bit more seriously; it’s only because i’m a girl. i can make big boy decisions too.
  22. i have been vegetarian for 13 years and vegan for 3; i think i get more rude remarks as a vegan than a vegetarian. and no, i don’t miss the meat.
  21. i love twizzlers.
  20. i still love SAABS
  19. for every book i’ve read, i probably own 6 books that i haven’t read yet. i don’t think i’ll ever stop buying enough books so i can read all the ones i’ve got. resistance is futile.
  18. i used to love star trek like nobody’s business; i have collector’s items and lots of star trek novels. then voyager and enterprise hit the airwaves and i let it go. still love deep space nine though; that was my show!
  17. i LOVE music. i don’t think you understand: i LOVE music. i need it every day, all the time, even if i’m singing it. i would rather be blind then deaf, i love music so much. i love the lyrics, the beats, the melodies and the mix! i could go on…
  16. it’s a common misconception when people meet me, they think i’m arrogant and rude when in reality, i’m shy and quiet. i’m like that dangerous animal; i’m more scared of you!
  15. i think i’ve grown up more in the past 4 years than i have for the last 25. things and people behaviors make so much more sense to me now. suddenly i get how to function in this crazy world.
  14. i cannot spell; i need spell check for everything. and i can’t do math in my head; i can do multiplication (memorization), add/subtract small numbers, but don’t ask me what 15% of 72 is because i need a calculator for that.
  13. i’m not computer savvy at all, but i do know more than the average person. i give all the credit to my brother al, who is the real computer wizard.
  12. i’m rather intuitive with technical things, but with emotions, not so much.
  11. i keep on having the dream where i talk about my new novel on the to.day show with m. lauer. i guess i should start on that book then.
  10. i like giving off the perception that i know what i’m doing/talking about when i really don’t know what i’m doing/talking about.
  09. i’m gonna be a PhD. period. nothing will stop me; people think i’m crazy but i don’t care. the crazies are the ones that turn dreams into reality.
  08. i have never been kissed. yes. never. yet.
  07. seven is my favorite number; my favorite color: sky blue (not quite sky, like costa rican blue…)
  06. i still kind of want maxwell to be my husband… but so do a whole lot of other women.
  05. i always wanted to do gymnastics when i was younger, but my disability prevented that.
  04. i like to run. people avoid the treadmill at the gym, but i look for the best one.
  03. i have lost 135 lbs to date and i did it all on my own (and mr. f; he’s awesome). i would have never ever thought i could be here; the things i can do and wear, i never thought i would ever be able to.
  02. i do my best thinking when i talk to myself outloud in the car. let people think i’m crazy
  01. to clear my mind, sometimes i just sit in absolute quiet.

  peace.

• 8 years

  Posted: January 25, 2009, 7:41 pm by chi

  soundtrak: nightmares on wax :: be there

  i remember it like it was yesterday. my 8th birthday was coming up in a week. i didn’t want it to be superbowl-themed even though the superbowl was that weekend. i woke up later than usual for a sunday and was surprised that mom wasn’t downstairs cooking the huge breakfast that we only had once a week. even though she was 8 months pregnant, mom couldn’t help but do things.
  i found dad watching tv and i asked her, “where’s mom?” i just noticed how tired he looked, “she’s in the hospital.” and you were born, timon. and my birthday party was canceled.

  so here’s to you, for overshadowing me for 21 years. for totally stealing my gameboy and making everybody forget about my birthday. you’re a smart young man, even though you’re cocky as hell. may God continue to bless you and keep you with everything that you do.

  love, your favorite sister (i’m your ONLY sister!).

  peace.

• Congratulations!

  Posted: January 20, 2009, 5:33 pm by chi

  peace.

• Tired

  Posted: January 14, 2009, 2:41 am by chi

  soundtrak: empire of the sun :: walking on a dream

  for somebody who has a new computer and new tv, i haven’t been utilizing them lately. i haven’t felt like doing anything really: i haven’t watched tv since saturday and i barely want to talk to people on the computer. i just listen to music for the rest of the night. i don’t know what the point of this post was. i don’t know; i’m just tired i guess.

  peace.

• Brave New World

  Posted: January 10, 2009, 12:04 am by chi

  soundtrak: pnau :: with you forever

  - this is my brand new favorite song; i can’t get it out of my head. when i drive, when i run, when i work: all the time!
  - this week was longer than usual; i crammed a whole lot of experiments in this week that unfortunately didn’t work (including the ones that i had originally planned to do). then, i found out my boss who wasn’t supposed to come back until after inauguration is actually returning this sunday (and knowing his crazy self, might actually drop by lab). so it looks like the vacation (mine, not his) is over. the new year brings new types of experiments; i’ve been doing mostly protein work, but i might switch to animal work (which is kinda freaking me out; i don’t think i’m ready). i’d rather do flow cytometry, which i did alot of in the last lab i was in, but the boss wants jan to do it. so i’ve been teaching her the basics and how to analyze her data. it’s cool beans
  - as much as i love books, i love tv just a little less than that. i’m trying to cut out the junk watching (watching shows just because they’re on or having the tv on just to have something on), but i’m also trying to keep up with the shows i do watch. my dad always impressed us that tv would always “be there”, so that we should focus on other important things. he’s right, but when do have the time to catch up. last month, i finally watched season three of Lo.st…. you read me right, season three. i was in graduate school when i had to drop watching the show so i could work and study. i missed the rest of season three, so i skipped season four. of course, i still watched some bad tv, so the point of not watching was lost to that. anyways, i’m just 4 episodes shy of finishing season 4, with just enough time for the season 5 premiere. and i’m also trying to organize my time a little better. and maybe invest in a dvr or something.
  - i’m really trying to blast through this plateau of mine. at first, i thought it was exercise related, but i think i’m at the point where if i work out anymore, i would be exhausted all the time. my running is always improving; i’m starting to run for longer periods of time which in turn is helping with active losing. i probably have another 40-60 lbs to lose. when i tell people that, they think i’m crazy and tell me to stop. but you know, you’re not me. these are the same people, when i was over 300 didn’t tell me a d*mn thing. but it’s more than just about losing weight; it’s being able to walk (run) up a whole flight of metro steps and not be tired, sitting at a lecture hall desk without being uncomfortable, sitting in a movie theater seat without brushing up against the stranger next to you, sitting cross-legged on the floor, wearing clothes/styles you thought you would never be able to wear… running a mile in less than 15 minutes (!!). it’s like a brand new world for me. it’s kinda crazy and scary, but fun.
  - my anxiety has been somewhat minimal, now that i think about it. which is surprising due to christmas/new year’s general anxiety. but i’m going with the flow. sometimes i wonder why i do have such severe anxiety attacks… but if i ain’t having them now, why wonder?
  - really random: for some reason, a lot of people still think i’m in school. i never mention anything about class or studying; maybe i just look scholarly. or maybe because i look so young… i don’t know. it’s kinda weird. i was making fun of this 10 year old today because she went back to school this week and she was like, “you too!” lol.
  - chiiq.com: i need to work on my links list. i do have a short list. also, adding more content to chiiq.com and etc.

  peace.

• Somewhere

  Posted: January 4, 2009, 12:36 pm by chi

  soundtrak: keane :: somewhere only we know

  so it’s about 4.21 in the morning and i’m still awake. crispy and T are sleeping on the other couch; crispy on one end and T on another. i feel sort of maternal, sitting here, watching them, staying awake.
  we had a big outing at the che.eesecake, like we usually do. crispy text-messaged me on friday to tell me she was coming, so i invited her along. T showed up way later, an afterthought, but i think he was good company for Y, who was originally invited along. it was getting late and i was tired. i didn’t take the usual nap that i take on saturday afternoons. Y really wanted to go out, but i was exhausted and i was still planning on working out.
  so crispy, my brothers and i piled up in the car and we drove home, racing T along the way. it’s nice of him; sometimes, he follows crispy and/or i home to make sure that we get there safe. i didn’t expect T to pull up in the driveway as well, let alone come in. but he does and a glass of water turns into a movie (the simpsons movie) which turns into now, with both of them sleeping on the couch. it’s nice; i haven’t hung out with these two in awhile… it’s just like old times, finishing up physics homework, watching conan o’brien. here we are, somewhere in the space of time, having a good time.

  peace.

• Drown(ing)

  Posted: January 3, 2009, 12:20 am by chi

  when you learn how to swim, one of the first things you learn is how to help one that is drowning. the trick is to let them drown before you rescue them. if you try to rescue them as they are still flailing about, you risk yourself to drown as well. only when they have given up is when you can truly help them.
  i feel like i am that person now. i know how i can solve the problems, i know i have the answers and yet i have to watch them suffer. my whining and complaining won’t help the situation, so i’ve stopped. all i can do is watch and wait. so i’ve been told. it’s painful to watch, so sad, but i have to keep a vigilant watch. so i’ve been told. so i watch and wait.

  peace.

• 2009

  Posted: January 1, 2009, 4:53 pm by chi

  i think 2009 is going to beginning of great things for me. i’m not just saying it just to say it; i can honestly feel it.

  i went to sleep early last night. i didn’t feel like watching the ball drop and i turned off the phone so i wouldn’t get the obligatory happy new year text messages. i really wasn’t planning on going to the gym today; actually, i was looking forward to sleeping in, but mr. f was going in today and i thought, why not? i’m glad that i did.
  i don’t know if it’s the endorphins from my 40 minute run (can you believe it, i ran for 40 minutes), but i just feel like something fantastic is going to happen to me this year.

  that’s all.

  peace.

Blah blah blah

Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes