Delusions of Grandeur

• iRead

  Posted: June 22, 2008, 7:44 am by chi

  soundtrak: feist :: intuition

  i read. i like to read alot. anything with words, i devour. short stories, magazine articles, newspapers.
  this hunger was cultivated when i was in grade school. my parents encouraged me to read, but from what i can remember, i would love to go to the public library and just check out a huge stack of books (i could not leave a book behind that i thought interesting) that i would finish in a week. i think it was also a thirst for knowledge; my vocabulary increased with every book finished. i would learn new facts and new ideas, new ways to do things. i reveled in it.
  of course now, my reading pace has decreased; i have so much to do and science articles to read, that it takes me, on average, a month to get through a book. my comprehension has developed and deepened, which just comes with age, i think. but i love getting lost in a story or an idea; i just can’t do that with tv or movies. i also have this thing about reading on paper vs. the computer screen; i prefer the magazine to the online version. but i think i’ll leave that post for later.

  i updated my bookself page. i just now realized that i misspelled the word ‘bookshelf’ (i’m a notorious misspeller), but looking at the definition of ’self’, i think it’s most appropriate:

  Main Entry: self
  Function: noun
  Inflected Form(s): plural selves \ˈselvz, Southern also ˈsevz\
  Date: 13th century

  1 a: the entire person of an individual b: the realization or embodiment of an abstraction
  2 a (1): an individual’s typical character or behavior (2): an individual’s temporary behavior or character b: a person in prime condition
  3: the union of elements (as body, emotions, thoughts, and sensations) that constitute the individuality and identity of a person
  4: personal interest or advantage

  books make up who i am; i would not be the same person if not for the books i’ve read. biographies, fiction, articles. everything.
  as i was compiling the list of books read, i surprised myself with how many books i have read (and how many i own; in the above picture, there are books hidden behind those books in the front). i have placed a self memorandum on purchasing from amazon (even though i have books in my cart just waiting to be checked out) until i make a decent dent in the unread books that are on my shelves. so here’s to a summer of reading. salut!

  peace.

• Succinct

  Posted: June 19, 2008, 3:18 am by chi

  soundtrak: clara hill :: all i can provide

  - jan set up the protein expression robot (robot!) today. from mere strands of DNA, in two days, protein is made! in two convenient volumes… anyways, i digress. so, our lab has a tendency to lose power when it thunderstorms miles away. it looked like rain and jan didn’t want to start the robot if we were just going to lose power, to which it resets. i assured jan that it would not rain; she was so worried about it. sitting in my room, as it begins to rain, rumbling in the distance, i curse in my head.
  - tim russert passed away on payday friday; came home, went to the bank and by the time i got back, the headlines were up. that was a man that truly loved the work that he did; he delved into it and shared his passion with us every sunday. i want to be remembered for my passion for my work. i feel like right now, i’m stagnant, waiting for something great to happen instead of going after, working towards that something great. i know i want to go back to school and i know there are people out there just waiting for me to fulfill that part of my destiny, but it feels all so far away. jan says that she can tell that i really love what i do when she sees me concentrate on a certain step in a protocol or over a figure in data i’m analyzing. i remember how whm would just watch me (ah-ha! he thought i didn’t know…) as i sat in utter concentration during lectures. i want it. i know i want it. i’m just so tired right now.

  anyways, off to read.

• As Of Late…

  Posted: June 17, 2008, 5:43 am by chi

  soundtrak: modest mouse :: dramamine

  - i have been keeping aot of things to myself lately. it’s a thing i do. i don’t open up; i don’t talk about it. talking to jam last night, i refused to talk about my weekend. it wasn’t that great anyways.
  - jan says that out of all the people that she knows, i’m the most truthful, which sort of caught me by surprise. i’m not a chronic liar, but i didn’t think that people would see me truthful more than average. she explained, “when you tell a story, you don’t sugarcoat it or simplify it… you tell the whole complete truth, even if it makes you look bad.” wow. i’m flattered.
  - so i was going to work last friday, waiting at a light, when i heard loud banging to my left. i lifted my chin from my hand and saw five men crammed into a public school maintenance truck. i gave a thumbs up and hoped the eager one would leave me alone, but the light was extra long and he tried yelling through the glass, so i rolled down the window. “what are you doing sleeping?” he yelled still. “long night. i watched the (nba finals) game (4).” i replied. “yeah, too bad the lakers lost,” to which i rolled my eyes; a laker fan. he claimed i was just hating on the fact that ko.be married a ’spanish’ girl. ooookaaay. believe what you want to believe.
  - i did not go to my high school reunion this weekend. T says i missed a party, but i know i would have been a wallflower all night. there is a reason why i don’t remember specific parts of my high school experience and i don’t need people from long ago to remind me of them. on a good high school mote, however, i emailed guava (to my chiquita banana) and he emailed me back. i need to email him soon; we used to pass notes in class and in between classes that when we didn’t have class together to amuse ourselves. good times. also, i ran into a girl that used to live by me, at, of all places, work. it was really the last place that i expected to see her, so i was surprised and overwhelmed. the last time i saw her was the day of our graduation, so 10 whole years.

  anyways, i guess that all for now. the feeling to write ebbs and flows and usually by the time i get in front of my (slow, ridiculous) computer, the ‘write’ flows right out of me. so i’m trying to be better about it; procrastinating less, reading and writing more.

  peace.

• Sick to My Stomach

  Posted: June 6, 2008, 5:20 am by chi

  soundtrak: nba finals game one

  - i have been feeling sick to the stomach for the past two days. yesterday was really painful, but i made it through the day. by the end of wednesday, i was feeling okay. woke up this morning, feeling okay, but started to feel sick when i got to the gym. after i finished my last weight machine, i went to the bathroom and threw up standing up (*wretch* take a break, hand on the hip *wretch some more*) after that, i was feeling great; did an hour of cardio. going to work however, i started to feel sick again. i don’t know; it’s in and out. just ate fruit today; too scared to eat anything else.
  - my ten year high school reunion is next week and i’m not going. why am i going to pay money (that i don’t have by the way) for alcohol that i won’t drink, food that i can’t eat and people that i don’t want to see. middle school/high school (secondary school?) was not the greatest time for me. i was a nerd, people were mean and i ate my lunch in the bathroom for all of 7th grade. so i’m not trying to relieve all of that. thanks, but no thanks.
  - i’m reading this book, free food for millionaires. it’s gotten mixed reviews, but still in book one (it’s a huge book), i like it. i want to tell stories the way the author does. i don’t know if it’s apathy, but i just can’t seem to get my words on paper (i find that i cannot write direct on screen unless blogging; it seems unnatural that way). i’m going to try to work on that this summer.
  - song of the moment (enjoy):

  Lost and Found - Mingle & Ruby Slipper

  peace.

Blah blah blah

Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes