Delusions of Grandeur

• Better

  Posted: October 30, 2007, 6:26 pm by chi

  soundtrak: regina spektor :: us

  yesterday actually ended up being a better day than i though it would be. when i came in the morning, my sinuses were congested due to the cold weather (which just came out of nowhere by the way). i checked my yemail after trying to settle down somewhat and found an email from my disgruntled advisor telling me that i had been procrastinating on the things that i needed to do. that kind of hit me hard because i know i have a serious procrastination problem that only gets worse when i get extremely stressed. i could feel the tears just coming, but i told myself that crying about it wasn’t going to help the situation. i started praying out of desperation, “Lord, just please make this day not suck.” i emailed my other advisor to see if i could meet with him that day, and i know i caught him at a good time because his schedule was free for me to meet him in the afternoon. AW was late with the mice, so i started my experiment way later than i wanted to, but somehow i finished in enough time to prepare for my meeting.
  i feel like i’m at a point that i don’t know what to do or what to say. i’m trying to prepare a poster for a meeting in december, our lab is up for review in december, most grad school apps are due in mid-december/january and i’m overwhelmed. i’ve been sort of mute about it, but i was able to express my concerns with my advisor which just helped me feel better about the things that are going on right now. i just need some reassurance that i’m making the right decisions at the right times. we came up with a tentative gameplan that i feel comfortable with.

  also, i think i talked to cute postdoc more yesterday that i have all year. i don’t know; i was in a mood i guess, so i wasn’t as nervous as i usually get. i asked him a question in the morning about a kit for this experiment i want to try. then we had this strange thing going back and forth between us all day; he came up and asked me a question, then an hour later, i would ask him a question, and so on. i listen to my iPod when working since i don’t really like listening to other people’s conversations and it helps me concentrate. it was funny; everytime he came to ask me a question, he would just stand in front of me and i would look up and there he was. at the end of the day, we were the only two people left in lab (now that i think about it, i hope we were the only two people left), as our bosses have gone on a retreat. i usually make sure things are locked up (since last year, when our mac just straight up got stolen…. i mean it was a G4… who does that?), but then i saw him and i said goodnight. i don’t know; i just find the whole dynamic interesting.

  i had a good workout this morning. mr. f has me doing different chest and shoulder exercises this week that are really straining my disabled arm. i know i should go to physical therapy for it, but i still have my reservations about it. the running is coming along better. this morning’s run was rough because half way through it, i really wanted to quit, but i did my full 30 min and my endurance is really coming back, so i’m really excited about it. i’m still aiming for my goal at my cousin’s wedding at the end of the year.
  it was funny actually because i went to my cousin’s wedding shower this sunday and i didn’t realize that i haven’t seen them both in about a year, so when i walked through the door, my aunt exclaimed, “what happened to the rest of you?!” i can see the changes happening and it is exciting.

  i have been really lagging on D.O.G.; there’s a new wordpress available that i haven’t installed yet. i haven’t changed the radio.blog yet (but you can see my updated iTunes purchases…. and i have been purchasing) and i have started on any books. i quess it’s ok since my advisor recommened that i probably take the GRE Bio test, so i have to study for that real quick. man, i don’t miss studying at all.

  and last of all, thank you for all the kind comments. it’s always good to remember that sometimes everyone has a rough day. new B emailed me yesterday; i didn’t get into detail about school and everything, but i think he realized that i was having a tough time: Sounds like life is not treating you well at present. Don’t worry…we ALL have one of those days or weeks or even months in our life. Things have ways to work themselves out….just be patient. (and you know it’s feeling like a rough couple of months). i’m just glad to know that things will and are getting better.

  something funny my friend sent my way; i’m still laughing:

  peace.

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Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes