Black Butterfly

• Obama’s V.P?

  Posted: August 22, 2008, 9:31 pm by mwari

  
  

  I personally don’t care who he picks (although I don’t want to be the last one to know!) After all, a V.P. would only have a title, and no real power (unless you’re D. Cheney).  But for some reason, the talk of the day is who Obama will pick to be his running/sprinting mate.  According to political pundits, the top two picks are Sen. Joe Biden (Delaware) and Sen. Evan Bayh (Indiana).  I don’t think he’s going to go with either one. It would be too predictable. So unlike Obama.  I have a nagging feeling that he will pick ..drumroll please… the one person who has by far made him a better presidential candidate.  None other than HRC [Hillary Rodham Clinton].  I was not a big fan of HRC’s underhandedness during the primaries, but I have to give respect where it is due.  HRC is one bad mama.  She is by far, one of the best debators I have ever seen, and Obama ain’t got nothing on her when it comes to debates. It would be a great risk for him to pick her.  She has a lot of baggage.  But, there’s a contingent of older women voters who he could bring on board by picking her.  Either way, it wouldn’t make one iota of a difference to me who he picked (unless ofcourse, he picked someone that is so contrary to something i believe in) because at the end of the day, an average American would not be able to tell you who the current vice-president is.

• Baggage

  Posted: August 19, 2008, 5:46 am by mwari

  
  

  I have baggage.  Emotional baggage. There. I admit it.  Every time I think about the baggage that I bring to this relationship, all i can see is Erykah Badu’s bag lady video.  All the ladies in the video were dressed in brightly colored dresses, with matching bags.  In the first stanza, Badu belts ” bag lady, you gonna hurt back, dragging them bags like that.” Bag lady, you gonna miss your bus, carrying them bags like that.” That’s me.  Loading up my bag with past hurts and pains.  Believing that the next one will just be like the last one.  Waiting for the shoe to drop.  Subconsciously sabotaging a relationship by picking fights, so that if he leaves, then you could always say, see i told you so, he’s just like everyone else.  I won’t lie, when someone breaks your heart, you lose the ability to just be. You are constantly watching your back.  I am punishing L (aka the new guy in my life) for the pain i have gone through.  Seriously, I need to stop this.  The one great thing about L is that he is so thoughtful that he’s somehow, without too much effort, helping me get over my past.  But, i do have a lot of work to do.  Only I can make the decision on whether I will allow my past to dictate my future.  But, i’m so grateful to have a man whose making it easier.  Hat off to you, L!

• To ask or not to ask?

  Posted: August 19, 2008, 5:44 am by mwari

  
  

  I’m in a quandry.  As it goes, I’m curious about L.  You see, I met him right before i relocated.  We talk on the phone everyday, and I’ve seen him once since we met about 1 month ago.  I think we have good communication, and I’m okay asking him what I want to know, and for the most part, he’s been responsive to my mild form of the spanish inquisition.  Yesterday, I asked him what people would say about him if I were to ask.  His response was enough to send off signals. He was honest about his not so excellent past, but quick to let me know that I shouldn’t ask questions (from other people) if i’m not ready to hear the answers.  So cryptic! Naturally, I’m very curious.   So, I want to ask two pals about him.  These two pals and I are friends, not close friends, but pals that I would trust to give me at the minimum, non-malicious information.  And they both know him longer than I have. Currently, none of them know about me and him, and by asking, it would definitely lead me to answer questions that I’m not sure I have answers to (for example, are you all dating/serious? yikes! its all so new, i don’t have an answer). Also, one of the pals is a good friend of his ex (which is a post for another day), so there’s that dynamic.   

    I can’t help but think that my curiosity is subterfuge for a deeper issue. Why should it matter what other people think? Aren’t there people who are sheeps in public, but wolves in the dark?  Due to past hurts i’m extremely guarded with my heart.  I’m really not that interested about what he did in the past, i’m more interested in character.  But aren’t past actions a prediction of future actions? Wouldn’t his past for the most part account for part of his character.  Granted, we all make mistakes and none of us are perfect, so there are things out there I can’t hold against him.  On the other hand, am I really ready to deal with the answers? Will i even listen if i learn of something that’s quite appealing. If i ask, do I not trust him? Am I insecure? Am i naive not to ask? Isn’t this the same as “googling” someone, except you are actually speaking to a real-live human being?  I’ve never solicited information about any of my exes from people.  I truly believe I am the only person who can decide what I think about someone. However, I have been guilty of clouded emotions that do not allow me to see the real deal.  More aptly, I am usually unwilling to see the real deal. 

  By the way, he was quick to point out that he wouldn’t ask anyone about me, and if anyone did tell him, he could care less what anyone else thought of me.  Now, what am i suppose to say in response to that?

• Goals

  Posted: August 18, 2008, 3:54 am by mwari

  
  

  Dad always says, if you don’t write it down, it doesn’t exist.  It’s a few months late, but my mid-year goals are not accounted for. 

  FINANCIAL

  • Refinance the house (by Sept 30, 2008)
  • Pay off car note (by Dec. 31, 2009) (by saving $300/mo for the DEATH TO CAR NOTE FUND)
  • Open ING accounts (by Sep 30, 2008)
  • Live within my budget (NOW!!)

  SPIRITUAL

  • find a church home and a ministry to serve in
  • Finish reading the Bible (Dec 2008)
  • Be a more cheerful & faithful giver
  • Work on my relationship with Sir God

  EMOTIONAL

  • Maintain current weight (135lb)
  • Lose 5 more lbs to 130lb
  • Let go off baggage

  CAREER

  • Be indispensable to my boss
  • Find leadership opportunities
  • Make $15k more than I currently make (by Dec 2009)

Blah blah blah

Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes