Black Butterfly

• EL

  Posted: June 21, 2008, 7:31 am by mwari

  
  

  For some unexplainable reason everything seemed so uncomplicated today.  And for a moment I actually remember us being happy.  It wasn’t a fleeting thought though, more like a wave washing up to shore bringing along happy-joyful memories.  I remember laughing. A.LOT.  Feeling safe in your arms.  Unashamedly happy and beautiful. We used to laugh more, kiss more, hug more, snuggle more, and fight less.  We were less unhappy. It seemed simpler back then.  When did things become so complicated? or were they always? When did the disconnection happen? Did we get too serious? Our relationship was disjointed, but aren’t they all?  We were really really really great friends who had so much in common and could sit up all night talking about anything and everything.  And then there was the emotional-crazy-attraction-illogical-dishonest-disrespectful-i-am-so-mad-at-you-break-up-make-up-can’t-get-enough-of-you part of us.   The latter part of us seems intent on crushing our friendship into tiny particles of dust.  I want these two parts of us to be distinct and separate.  But, how can you have one without the other? Can they truly exist separate? I want the “friend” in me to be happy for you, even if your source of happiness is not me. But the “lover” in me wants you to only be happy with me.  How do I reconcile the two? Maybe there was no distinction between friend and lover.  Perhaps, if one did not exist, there would no us to talk of.  So, how do we separate the two? Can we exist if one part of us does not? Can one part of us thrive without the other? Can I love you and not be your friend? or can I be your friend without loving you? Suddenly, things seems so complicated.   

   

   

Blah blah blah

Fish cakes

Alas a fish cake.

Yet more fish cakes

Guess what ... yeah ... fish cakes.

The end of the fish cakes